6 Signs It's Weaponized Boundaries, Not 'Self Love'
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Date: 2024-11-08
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Comments and reviews: 20
igi-risu
A couple of months ago I made the difficult decision to break up with a partner because even though I would respectfully set boundaries, practice understanding, hold space to communicate any grievances or concerns, and overall ensure it was a safe space for them, I wasn’t given that same courtesy.
What really affirmed my decision was during at a convention we attended, we got into a verbal altercation after a misunderstanding. When I noticed how anxious and heated I became in response to my ex partner’s outbursts and unwillingness to communicate, I attempted to de-escalate by saying, Hey, let’s take a break and revisit this when we both calm down.
You’d think someone would pause, breathe and agree when softly spoken to but instead he lashed out even more and walked away. He yelled at me in front of a longtime acquaintance of mine and their company as well. It was embarrassing and heartbreaking.
I’ve already had to initiate other discussions about other things said/done that made me uncomfortable or feel unsafe and every time it was justdisregarded in one way or another. I sat down, acknowledged my emotions, processed them and re-evaluated if I wanted to remain in that relationship.
We met at a concert the last day of June but it had been a month almost two since we’ve known each other at that point. A few more conflicts later, I finally accepted that despite few commonalities, we’re honestly incompatible for one another. I miss him and hope he’s doing well, and I hope that the protection charm I gifted him is keeping him safe, but I can’t be with anyone who’s just not respectful of my boundaries (or don’t have any boundaries themselves)
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A couple of months ago I made the difficult decision to break up with a partner because even though I would respectfully set boundaries, practice understanding, hold space to communicate any grievances or concerns, and overall ensure it was a safe space for them, I wasn’t given that same courtesy.
What really affirmed my decision was during at a convention we attended, we got into a verbal altercation after a misunderstanding. When I noticed how anxious and heated I became in response to my ex partner’s outbursts and unwillingness to communicate, I attempted to de-escalate by saying, Hey, let’s take a break and revisit this when we both calm down.
You’d think someone would pause, breathe and agree when softly spoken to but instead he lashed out even more and walked away. He yelled at me in front of a longtime acquaintance of mine and their company as well. It was embarrassing and heartbreaking.
I’ve already had to initiate other discussions about other things said/done that made me uncomfortable or feel unsafe and every time it was justdisregarded in one way or another. I sat down, acknowledged my emotions, processed them and re-evaluated if I wanted to remain in that relationship.
We met at a concert the last day of June but it had been a month almost two since we’ve known each other at that point. A few more conflicts later, I finally accepted that despite few commonalities, we’re honestly incompatible for one another. I miss him and hope he’s doing well, and I hope that the protection charm I gifted him is keeping him safe, but I can’t be with anyone who’s just not respectful of my boundaries (or don’t have any boundaries themselves)
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bramblej1084
8: 17 I was talking to a girl for 2 mouths and it was good we got along well I was going to ask her out but 2weeks before we had bit of a fall out because I said something then she misunderstood. what I was meaning I tried and fixed the situation then the one day I let her have her own space for 2 hours. she got upset and annoyed because I didn’t call her she said I wanted to spend time with you but I didn’t know that she was that upset about it said if I knew I would of and I understand where she coming from. we started talking again but she very dry doesn’t text like she used to I’m trying to make it work out since I don’t want it to go to waste over misunderstanding but she blocked me I really like her we got along very well. i wish I handled the situation a bit better I said to her that I been watching videos and talking to other people to learn because I want to get better for us and show her how much I love her but I can’t since I’m blocked so I hope she comes back but I been hurting for weeks since it all started but I been really hurting since she blocked me I just want to get better for her
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8: 17 I was talking to a girl for 2 mouths and it was good we got along well I was going to ask her out but 2weeks before we had bit of a fall out because I said something then she misunderstood. what I was meaning I tried and fixed the situation then the one day I let her have her own space for 2 hours. she got upset and annoyed because I didn’t call her she said I wanted to spend time with you but I didn’t know that she was that upset about it said if I knew I would of and I understand where she coming from. we started talking again but she very dry doesn’t text like she used to I’m trying to make it work out since I don’t want it to go to waste over misunderstanding but she blocked me I really like her we got along very well. i wish I handled the situation a bit better I said to her that I been watching videos and talking to other people to learn because I want to get better for us and show her how much I love her but I can’t since I’m blocked so I hope she comes back but I been hurting for weeks since it all started but I been really hurting since she blocked me I just want to get better for her
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Biscuit_Pop
I believe I often weaponise my boundaries. Especially with friends. and I often feel like a bad friend because I can see the hurt or pain. But, sometimes I am the one who gets hurt. Though, I am also very emotional or overdramatic and tend to look at every situation poorly. Sometimes they blatantly say it is not meant offensively. And I go silent. I've become better at processing my emotions, but I still blow up at my sibling. And then I think about how I won't have them in my life as much as I want them if I keep pushing them away. I don't know where I got this from but. it's really bad. And it can also come from jealousy or envy when someone is smarter or more adept at something than me. Thank you Psych2Go.
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I believe I often weaponise my boundaries. Especially with friends. and I often feel like a bad friend because I can see the hurt or pain. But, sometimes I am the one who gets hurt. Though, I am also very emotional or overdramatic and tend to look at every situation poorly. Sometimes they blatantly say it is not meant offensively. And I go silent. I've become better at processing my emotions, but I still blow up at my sibling. And then I think about how I won't have them in my life as much as I want them if I keep pushing them away. I don't know where I got this from but. it's really bad. And it can also come from jealousy or envy when someone is smarter or more adept at something than me. Thank you Psych2Go.
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coconutcore
In my last relationship, my ex realised that her golden ticket to control was using her anxiety disorder as an excuse. Throughout four years, I felt all the space I gave between me and her boundaries being taken in immediately. Incrementally, found myself more andd more in the situation on the thumbnail of this video. I had no space for my own boundaries. Hers were too big.
In the end, she was even controlling my clothing style. It triggered her when I tried something she didn’t like.
When it all happens slowly, and you trust the person, you don’t notice it happening. She had miles of breathing room, but neither me or the relationship had any.
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In my last relationship, my ex realised that her golden ticket to control was using her anxiety disorder as an excuse. Throughout four years, I felt all the space I gave between me and her boundaries being taken in immediately. Incrementally, found myself more andd more in the situation on the thumbnail of this video. I had no space for my own boundaries. Hers were too big.
In the end, she was even controlling my clothing style. It triggered her when I tried something she didn’t like.
When it all happens slowly, and you trust the person, you don’t notice it happening. She had miles of breathing room, but neither me or the relationship had any.
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sir. ifpratamaxii
I have a suggestion for your animation.
The constant change for the background and text placements overwhelms me, it feels pretty confusing for me looking at the full image that is about to change in 2 seconds, reading subtitle, then looking the full pict again, then read subtitle again, making sure that i won't miss anything.
Maybe try to make the drawings a bit more constant for every segment (Like staying in a city background for a segment, then change to a river for the next segment) That way, i can be more focused to comprehend the teachings and not being overwhelmed by observing every little scenes. Thanks for considering: D
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I have a suggestion for your animation.
The constant change for the background and text placements overwhelms me, it feels pretty confusing for me looking at the full image that is about to change in 2 seconds, reading subtitle, then looking the full pict again, then read subtitle again, making sure that i won't miss anything.
Maybe try to make the drawings a bit more constant for every segment (Like staying in a city background for a segment, then change to a river for the next segment) That way, i can be more focused to comprehend the teachings and not being overwhelmed by observing every little scenes. Thanks for considering: D
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LinDeGenette
Eh. The first one can be difficult. Try getting a monologe of opinions u don't prescribe to and you r then chewed out, criticised and belittled for having another perspective, if you voice it. I can also just listen and comment on what's being said and it is hours of triggering content and no guarantee for not being chewed out. I tried the we will never agree, can we plz talk about something else cuz the topic and your reaction makes me uncomfortable. He gets mad about that too. Distance seems to be the only solution sometimes but it's hard since its a close relative that I actually care about.
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Eh. The first one can be difficult. Try getting a monologe of opinions u don't prescribe to and you r then chewed out, criticised and belittled for having another perspective, if you voice it. I can also just listen and comment on what's being said and it is hours of triggering content and no guarantee for not being chewed out. I tried the we will never agree, can we plz talk about something else cuz the topic and your reaction makes me uncomfortable. He gets mad about that too. Distance seems to be the only solution sometimes but it's hard since its a close relative that I actually care about.
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margotkeulen1086
Boundaries and redlines!
What do mean with weaponized! Ofcourse I don't think you were talking about rented ex special forces as guards
But I refuse to negotiate my boundaries ( not talking about making a compromise when going on holiday like I want the mountains & she the beach so we went to st Maarten, dutch Caribbean island with a Vulcano, my mountain fairytale beaches)
When someone cross my boundaries systematically, there is no relationship
He or she get 20 min to pack & the the bus, whyle I order a locksmith to change the locks!
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Boundaries and redlines!
What do mean with weaponized! Ofcourse I don't think you were talking about rented ex special forces as guards
But I refuse to negotiate my boundaries ( not talking about making a compromise when going on holiday like I want the mountains & she the beach so we went to st Maarten, dutch Caribbean island with a Vulcano, my mountain fairytale beaches)
When someone cross my boundaries systematically, there is no relationship
He or she get 20 min to pack & the the bus, whyle I order a locksmith to change the locks!
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kayleighdriessen
Another example, say you have a romantic partner or close friend who love giving and physical affection while you are kind if uncomfortable with too much physical contact so you might want to set a boundary there but it's not fair to deprive your partner of friend of physical affection with you for days to weeks on end just because you need your space more which may likely need to resentment and loneliness. Both your strong need for space and their strong need for hugs or hand-holding or cuddles etc can be communicated & respected.
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Another example, say you have a romantic partner or close friend who love giving and physical affection while you are kind if uncomfortable with too much physical contact so you might want to set a boundary there but it's not fair to deprive your partner of friend of physical affection with you for days to weeks on end just because you need your space more which may likely need to resentment and loneliness. Both your strong need for space and their strong need for hugs or hand-holding or cuddles etc can be communicated & respected.
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charemchavrutah
I think I've been weaponizing boundaries with my manager at work, and it's creating escalating problems. The main issue is that I am neurodivergent, and have multiple sources of trauma, including my previous jobs. As a result, I generally don't see my manager as a person so much as a bill, a bill to be paid in executive function I don't always have. How can I better communicate my needs and limits to him in a way that facilitates workplace accommodation, not workplace discrimination and further trauma
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I think I've been weaponizing boundaries with my manager at work, and it's creating escalating problems. The main issue is that I am neurodivergent, and have multiple sources of trauma, including my previous jobs. As a result, I generally don't see my manager as a person so much as a bill, a bill to be paid in executive function I don't always have. How can I better communicate my needs and limits to him in a way that facilitates workplace accommodation, not workplace discrimination and further trauma
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A55a551n
Timestamps
1. The boundary is unilaterally decided 0: 46
2. The boundary shifts to suit their needs 1: 39
3. The boundary is used as a punishment 3: 11
4. The boundary dismisses or disrespects your feelings 4: 26
5. The boundary is unrealistic but can never be challenged 5: 27
6. The boundary is not communicated properly, but is expected to be followed 6: 07
Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. Sorry this is so late.
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Timestamps
1. The boundary is unilaterally decided 0: 46
2. The boundary shifts to suit their needs 1: 39
3. The boundary is used as a punishment 3: 11
4. The boundary dismisses or disrespects your feelings 4: 26
5. The boundary is unrealistic but can never be challenged 5: 27
6. The boundary is not communicated properly, but is expected to be followed 6: 07
Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. Sorry this is so late.
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MaxWithYouTube002
Timestamps.
0: 00 Intro
0: 31 Disclaimer
0: 48 The boundary is unilatery decided.
1: 41 the boundery shifts to suit their needs.
3: 15 The boundery is used as a punishment.
4: 30 The boundery dismisses or disrespects your feelings.
5: 31 The boundery is unrealistic but can never be challenged.
6: 10 The boundery is not communicated properly bit is expected to be followed.
7: 27 Outro
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Timestamps.
0: 00 Intro
0: 31 Disclaimer
0: 48 The boundary is unilatery decided.
1: 41 the boundery shifts to suit their needs.
3: 15 The boundery is used as a punishment.
4: 30 The boundery dismisses or disrespects your feelings.
5: 31 The boundery is unrealistic but can never be challenged.
6: 10 The boundery is not communicated properly bit is expected to be followed.
7: 27 Outro
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misterperegrine
Full disclosure: This video made me vividly recall at least one instance in my life where I’ve used strings attached gifts as a weapon in a relationship. That may have been years ago, and I’ve been trying harder to be a decent human being, but I’m still ashamed of myself for it.
Thank you for calling it out here and for putting out these videos. I hope they prevent more situations like that from happening.
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Full disclosure: This video made me vividly recall at least one instance in my life where I’ve used strings attached gifts as a weapon in a relationship. That may have been years ago, and I’ve been trying harder to be a decent human being, but I’m still ashamed of myself for it.
Thank you for calling it out here and for putting out these videos. I hope they prevent more situations like that from happening.
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juvialoxer7735
Hello, I have a question and I wanted to know if it is okay for me to feel this way, I have a friend who I gave a lot of gifts to, the problem is immediately after she really doesn't talk not even saying hello and never explains why, but after sometimes she talks again and from what I noticed it happens mostly with me not with other friends, and here is the question am I right to feel resentment towards her
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Hello, I have a question and I wanted to know if it is okay for me to feel this way, I have a friend who I gave a lot of gifts to, the problem is immediately after she really doesn't talk not even saying hello and never explains why, but after sometimes she talks again and from what I noticed it happens mostly with me not with other friends, and here is the question am I right to feel resentment towards her
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JunjouShaneru
2: 04 - The strings-attached gifts, physical & emotional, has been used by my father, mother and my ex-best friend.
It actually led me to feeling guilty or even anxious when receiving gifts. It started with my dad loving to shower my brother and myself with gifts, then if we didn’t do as he asked immediately (he would actually wait a bit) he would call us spoiled brats’.
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2: 04 - The strings-attached gifts, physical & emotional, has been used by my father, mother and my ex-best friend.
It actually led me to feeling guilty or even anxious when receiving gifts. It started with my dad loving to shower my brother and myself with gifts, then if we didn’t do as he asked immediately (he would actually wait a bit) he would call us spoiled brats’.
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alicesushi5419
I think the most blantly obvious weaponized boundry I suffered was when a friend told me that I had to roleplay with her as she wants because she needed to start caring about herself and roleplaying with her it was a boundry I had to respect.
It wasn't exactly like that but it was more than a year ago and in spanish haha
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I think the most blantly obvious weaponized boundry I suffered was when a friend told me that I had to roleplay with her as she wants because she needed to start caring about herself and roleplaying with her it was a boundry I had to respect.
It wasn't exactly like that but it was more than a year ago and in spanish haha
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Nappybara97
In all my previous relationships, I never discussed boundaries at all because I didn't know how. I just knew I was always hurting people and being hurt. These videos have helped me so much to understand others and, more importantly, myself. I hope everyone who watched this video has a magnificent day and journey of growth.
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In all my previous relationships, I never discussed boundaries at all because I didn't know how. I just knew I was always hurting people and being hurt. These videos have helped me so much to understand others and, more importantly, myself. I hope everyone who watched this video has a magnificent day and journey of growth.
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Psych2go
DISCLAIMER: Real-life situations are nuanced and context matters. Please use your own discernment when navigating such issues. If you recognize these signs in yourself, don’t take it as a personal attack. Instead, view it as an opportunity to reflect and improve your boundaries for healthier relationships.
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DISCLAIMER: Real-life situations are nuanced and context matters. Please use your own discernment when navigating such issues. If you recognize these signs in yourself, don’t take it as a personal attack. Instead, view it as an opportunity to reflect and improve your boundaries for healthier relationships.
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KooblyK
Oh. I clicked this thinking I was the one doing this and wanting to see how I could do better. But it's the other person who's been doing all this to me, and then I guess projecting I've been feeling really confused and alone, but I understand better now what's going on, thank you.
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Oh. I clicked this thinking I was the one doing this and wanting to see how I could do better. But it's the other person who's been doing all this to me, and then I guess projecting I've been feeling really confused and alone, but I understand better now what's going on, thank you.
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whelkpeopleofdoom
The gift thing. I have been on the receiving end of that crap in almost every romantic relationship despite the fact that I am always undoubtedly the one who gives way more gifts. It's an awful thing to do regardless, but that extra factor makes it all the more insulting.
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The gift thing. I have been on the receiving end of that crap in almost every romantic relationship despite the fact that I am always undoubtedly the one who gives way more gifts. It's an awful thing to do regardless, but that extra factor makes it all the more insulting.
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Tomo-q5w
My problem here is like the vid but its actually a fight between my personalities about boundaries. like if I should stop sleeping late I have to fight mt myself for days before it's acceptable to me. I even think why I am stopping myself when I think bout a boundary I set on me
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My problem here is like the vid but its actually a fight between my personalities about boundaries. like if I should stop sleeping late I have to fight mt myself for days before it's acceptable to me. I even think why I am stopping myself when I think bout a boundary I set on me
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