This is What Avoidant People Wish You Knew
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Date: 2025-06-28
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Comments and reviews: 20
trancekingpj
What is often not mentioned is where avoidants are also people who are neurodivergent.
As children you get bullied daily by the other kids, your parents probably didn't know or didn't take any diagnosis seriously (if you even had one) and don't accommodate the fact your brain is wired differently. You grow up thinking that the world is just FULL of aholes because these are the only people you seem to attract in your life. It's almost as though you have a big neon sign above your head flashing Come bully this one. Because you never properly learnt social skills when you were younger (as neurodivergence makes this a million times more difficult) you then really struggle to pick up on the red flags in relationships that neurotypical people pick up sooner. Next thing you know you're months into a relationship with someone who's narcissistic, has their own neurological problems they're unable to deal with and/or is generally abusive and sees you as easy pickings. Bad choices by you for sure, but if you don't have the skills to recognise these things sooner it can lead to a whole host of problems.
And it's easy to say Ahh just go to therapy and you'll be fixed in no time. Therapy doesn't work that way. It's not like taking a car to get a new tyre so that it's as good as new. It's like having a cancer of the mind that is persistent and difficult to get rid of. You can go talk about it so that you can rationalise it and understand it better, you can even learn tools to help you deal with the emotional triggers in a better way, but the only real way that you'll ever go beyond it is for the people in your life to prove to you that they're not out there to betray you or abuse you. It's a vile learnt behaviour but it is also a coping strategy brought about because other people you have encountered in your life have been abusive towards you.
So, for those of you who discover that a significant person in your life is actually an avoidant - remember that they've been abused and mentally scarred in their past. They're not necessarily avoiding you because they think you are a horrible person - they are avoiding you because something has happened between you which is triggering a trauma response. It is important to remember that they are the one that has been hurt in the past. If you expect them to just ignore their past experiences then you are no better than the people that abused them. This isn't the greatest analogy but if you find an injured dog that has been beaten up in the past you take time to prove that you're trustworthy so they can learn that you're different from what they've experienced previously so they can learn to live with you. Remember that the avoidant is looking at the world in the same way.
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What is often not mentioned is where avoidants are also people who are neurodivergent.
As children you get bullied daily by the other kids, your parents probably didn't know or didn't take any diagnosis seriously (if you even had one) and don't accommodate the fact your brain is wired differently. You grow up thinking that the world is just FULL of aholes because these are the only people you seem to attract in your life. It's almost as though you have a big neon sign above your head flashing Come bully this one. Because you never properly learnt social skills when you were younger (as neurodivergence makes this a million times more difficult) you then really struggle to pick up on the red flags in relationships that neurotypical people pick up sooner. Next thing you know you're months into a relationship with someone who's narcissistic, has their own neurological problems they're unable to deal with and/or is generally abusive and sees you as easy pickings. Bad choices by you for sure, but if you don't have the skills to recognise these things sooner it can lead to a whole host of problems.
And it's easy to say Ahh just go to therapy and you'll be fixed in no time. Therapy doesn't work that way. It's not like taking a car to get a new tyre so that it's as good as new. It's like having a cancer of the mind that is persistent and difficult to get rid of. You can go talk about it so that you can rationalise it and understand it better, you can even learn tools to help you deal with the emotional triggers in a better way, but the only real way that you'll ever go beyond it is for the people in your life to prove to you that they're not out there to betray you or abuse you. It's a vile learnt behaviour but it is also a coping strategy brought about because other people you have encountered in your life have been abusive towards you.
So, for those of you who discover that a significant person in your life is actually an avoidant - remember that they've been abused and mentally scarred in their past. They're not necessarily avoiding you because they think you are a horrible person - they are avoiding you because something has happened between you which is triggering a trauma response. It is important to remember that they are the one that has been hurt in the past. If you expect them to just ignore their past experiences then you are no better than the people that abused them. This isn't the greatest analogy but if you find an injured dog that has been beaten up in the past you take time to prove that you're trustworthy so they can learn that you're different from what they've experienced previously so they can learn to live with you. Remember that the avoidant is looking at the world in the same way.
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just2botheru
What us ppl who have dealt with Avoidants wish they knew: some of us see you and love you as a whole. We know all about your red flags, about the brokenness, and yet we still loved you (w or without the alcohol, nicotine, or wether you showered thoroughly today. We choose you over all those people you think are better for us for a reason, even if you cannot understand our reasons. We know what loneliness feels like too, which is why we wanted to fill that emptiness with you. We aren't Gods, we have issues too as you may have come to notice, or will eventually. Regardless, we wanted to cross that sea with you by our sides so that we could grow and work with each other and not against each other. I am sorry if some times we come off as too intense, it isn't our intention, but do let us know what works and doesn't work for you because we can't read your minds. Just how a mechanic can't fix a car if they don't know what's wrong, we won't know what needs fixing unless you tell us.
Ik you still think about us here and there. We think about you too. But if you've ghosted us, faded, monkey branched, cheated, etc, chances are that you've hurt us and even if we wanted to reach out, your past behavior towards us scares some of us away. Still, not all of us regret having met you or loved you at that. Ofc, I can't speak for everyone, and if you want to find out if that person that came to your mind as you read this resonates with this message, you'll have to do some digging on your end.
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What us ppl who have dealt with Avoidants wish they knew: some of us see you and love you as a whole. We know all about your red flags, about the brokenness, and yet we still loved you (w or without the alcohol, nicotine, or wether you showered thoroughly today. We choose you over all those people you think are better for us for a reason, even if you cannot understand our reasons. We know what loneliness feels like too, which is why we wanted to fill that emptiness with you. We aren't Gods, we have issues too as you may have come to notice, or will eventually. Regardless, we wanted to cross that sea with you by our sides so that we could grow and work with each other and not against each other. I am sorry if some times we come off as too intense, it isn't our intention, but do let us know what works and doesn't work for you because we can't read your minds. Just how a mechanic can't fix a car if they don't know what's wrong, we won't know what needs fixing unless you tell us.
Ik you still think about us here and there. We think about you too. But if you've ghosted us, faded, monkey branched, cheated, etc, chances are that you've hurt us and even if we wanted to reach out, your past behavior towards us scares some of us away. Still, not all of us regret having met you or loved you at that. Ofc, I can't speak for everyone, and if you want to find out if that person that came to your mind as you read this resonates with this message, you'll have to do some digging on your end.
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Alexandra-O23-d7x
So, being real here:
If you struggle with avoidance, are aware of it, but still continue to experience relationships that reinforce the avoidance strategy, what do you do Like, I genuinely understand and really do believe that heathy safe relationships are possible, but when I cautiously approach relationships I'm in now, I almost always end up experiencing things that remind me why I avoid closeness in the first place. People really ARE nasty, they DO talk about you behind your back, they ARENT authentic and honest, they ARE two-faced, they WILL use your vulnerability deliberately to hurt you. It's NOT all in my head. And sometimes it's not deliberate---sometimes they're just dumb and selfish and struggle with empathy.
So what now If I experience signs of why I avoid closeness even BEFORE I'm close to someone, then I'm not going to get closer. So do I just keep telling myself, Hey--there are nice people out there who would treat you with love and respect. You just haven't met them yet. .
Or do I just accept that safe healthy friendship is something that is actually kind of rare A faithful friend is a strong defence: and he that hath found him, hath found a treasure. A faithful friend is the medicine of life and immortality: and they that fear the Lord, shall find him. ---Sirach 6: 14, 16.
Or maybe just focus on friendship with God and let Him decide whether or not I ever find any other friends, perhaps.
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So, being real here:
If you struggle with avoidance, are aware of it, but still continue to experience relationships that reinforce the avoidance strategy, what do you do Like, I genuinely understand and really do believe that heathy safe relationships are possible, but when I cautiously approach relationships I'm in now, I almost always end up experiencing things that remind me why I avoid closeness in the first place. People really ARE nasty, they DO talk about you behind your back, they ARENT authentic and honest, they ARE two-faced, they WILL use your vulnerability deliberately to hurt you. It's NOT all in my head. And sometimes it's not deliberate---sometimes they're just dumb and selfish and struggle with empathy.
So what now If I experience signs of why I avoid closeness even BEFORE I'm close to someone, then I'm not going to get closer. So do I just keep telling myself, Hey--there are nice people out there who would treat you with love and respect. You just haven't met them yet. .
Or do I just accept that safe healthy friendship is something that is actually kind of rare A faithful friend is a strong defence: and he that hath found him, hath found a treasure. A faithful friend is the medicine of life and immortality: and they that fear the Lord, shall find him. ---Sirach 6: 14, 16.
Or maybe just focus on friendship with God and let Him decide whether or not I ever find any other friends, perhaps.
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Ghoulastre
I have allways faced rejection, judgement, since I was a kid. But I feel maybe it was true when I was a kid, now others dont trully care, so should I
I lived with fear of the unknown, I allways wanted connection, but I was obsessed.
I couldnt be in the street whitout feeling someone's watching me. But it was all in my mind. My experience has hurt me a lot.
Sometimes I'm not even sure if people are still looking at me the wrong way. But, maybe that's fine.
I have a friend, I consider him my best friend even though I'm probably easily replacable for him, as he tries talking a lot and I find it hard to.
But I appreciate him still.
I have long been feeling like others dont understand me, but maybe it was me who didnt understand msyelf.
Afterall my view of the world has taken many radical changes trying to interpret the world around me.
But I realized doing so alone and overthinking about it, instead of opening my eyes, closes them shut.
So I decided to stop writting about my feelings, as I would revive bad moments of my life, and I honestly couldnt feel better.
I still find hard to be the friend to propose hanging out, but Ive come a long way this year.
I've been finally taking action. I've been getting better in emotional regulation. There's a lot to do but, I'm proud of all Ive done.
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I have allways faced rejection, judgement, since I was a kid. But I feel maybe it was true when I was a kid, now others dont trully care, so should I
I lived with fear of the unknown, I allways wanted connection, but I was obsessed.
I couldnt be in the street whitout feeling someone's watching me. But it was all in my mind. My experience has hurt me a lot.
Sometimes I'm not even sure if people are still looking at me the wrong way. But, maybe that's fine.
I have a friend, I consider him my best friend even though I'm probably easily replacable for him, as he tries talking a lot and I find it hard to.
But I appreciate him still.
I have long been feeling like others dont understand me, but maybe it was me who didnt understand msyelf.
Afterall my view of the world has taken many radical changes trying to interpret the world around me.
But I realized doing so alone and overthinking about it, instead of opening my eyes, closes them shut.
So I decided to stop writting about my feelings, as I would revive bad moments of my life, and I honestly couldnt feel better.
I still find hard to be the friend to propose hanging out, but Ive come a long way this year.
I've been finally taking action. I've been getting better in emotional regulation. There's a lot to do but, I'm proud of all Ive done.
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Nicholaslovescats
As someone who has been broken by people who just left me for no reason whatsoever I can’t. I am deeply damaged by the behavior that I have been subjected to. I understand that avoidant people are struggling and I do not hate them even though they really left deep non visible scars and pain in my heart. I currently struggle badly with the pain in my heart by being ghosted for nothing and not giving a chance to be a good friend. but for Pete sake please work on your avoiding behaviors before getting close to others and hurting others in the process and break them unjustly.
I will tell you what i wish avoidant people could understand that their behavior absolutely negatively affects others especially when you ghost people unjustifiably and you really damage people. It’s not justified even if you struggle personally. If you actually care work on your own struggles before you hurt others. Communicate what you need and then people will know and respect that you need space but It’s not fair to hurt people because of your own insecurities and struggles. Not acceptable to keep getting close and pushing good genuine people away suddenly because it leaves non visible lasting scars on others when you don’t communicate or ghost people who truly care about you.
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As someone who has been broken by people who just left me for no reason whatsoever I can’t. I am deeply damaged by the behavior that I have been subjected to. I understand that avoidant people are struggling and I do not hate them even though they really left deep non visible scars and pain in my heart. I currently struggle badly with the pain in my heart by being ghosted for nothing and not giving a chance to be a good friend. but for Pete sake please work on your avoiding behaviors before getting close to others and hurting others in the process and break them unjustly.
I will tell you what i wish avoidant people could understand that their behavior absolutely negatively affects others especially when you ghost people unjustifiably and you really damage people. It’s not justified even if you struggle personally. If you actually care work on your own struggles before you hurt others. Communicate what you need and then people will know and respect that you need space but It’s not fair to hurt people because of your own insecurities and struggles. Not acceptable to keep getting close and pushing good genuine people away suddenly because it leaves non visible lasting scars on others when you don’t communicate or ghost people who truly care about you.
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werkanickel
This feels like I could have it. I just don't think I am able to deal with it on my own. Can this pushing away sometimes also go into a being mean direction Like biting away people when you feel they get closer There is this part of me projecting old experiences on different people and accusing them of things they didn't do I think. One of my friends told me toxic positivity might be also one of my problems. Could you maybe make a video about that too What exactly does that mean I tend to try to smile everything away of fear people may leave me when I am not fun or positiv enough. I try to be there for others and hide my own problems although that can't work out. My friend told me I might seem fake when I open up a bit just to run again. I shu people away or tend to see them leaving as kind of a confirmation for my fears to have been right from the start. I know it's wrong but it's not that easy. I see what my friend is pointing at but it is really difficult to change a welltrained behaviour. I tend to hurt myself and feeling lonely in the end by playing okay when I am not and being mad or distance from people not seeing that I am not although it is my problem in the first place they get this wrong assumption about me.
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This feels like I could have it. I just don't think I am able to deal with it on my own. Can this pushing away sometimes also go into a being mean direction Like biting away people when you feel they get closer There is this part of me projecting old experiences on different people and accusing them of things they didn't do I think. One of my friends told me toxic positivity might be also one of my problems. Could you maybe make a video about that too What exactly does that mean I tend to try to smile everything away of fear people may leave me when I am not fun or positiv enough. I try to be there for others and hide my own problems although that can't work out. My friend told me I might seem fake when I open up a bit just to run again. I shu people away or tend to see them leaving as kind of a confirmation for my fears to have been right from the start. I know it's wrong but it's not that easy. I see what my friend is pointing at but it is really difficult to change a welltrained behaviour. I tend to hurt myself and feeling lonely in the end by playing okay when I am not and being mad or distance from people not seeing that I am not although it is my problem in the first place they get this wrong assumption about me.
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psych2go
This comment is not related to the video, but i feel like it could be good revealing it.
(I'm honestly not trying to be an attention seeker, i'm trying to be honest and sincere about what i feel) I also have some bad and harsh feelings mostly when i'm going to sleep, where they affect me at such a point i just cannot handle it anymore. It just leads me to do worse things to myself because of my past experiences that my brain can't stop brooding all the time. Most of the times i do something cool makes me forget about the past bad things that happened to me that i keep feeling inside. And, i don't do this because i want, it's not my will to keep brooding and brooding past bad things that happened to me (like nightmares, and some other things i don't remember, and because when i try to improve in life something that was my mistake, i mostly can't improve, because i do the same thing over and over, and because of thoughts about horrible things i totally don't want to do but my brain automatically thinks on it everytime i do something related to my horrible thought, althought i have some moments of totally forgetting about it in my dout and nights, it led me to do a thing i prefer not telling.
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This comment is not related to the video, but i feel like it could be good revealing it.
(I'm honestly not trying to be an attention seeker, i'm trying to be honest and sincere about what i feel) I also have some bad and harsh feelings mostly when i'm going to sleep, where they affect me at such a point i just cannot handle it anymore. It just leads me to do worse things to myself because of my past experiences that my brain can't stop brooding all the time. Most of the times i do something cool makes me forget about the past bad things that happened to me that i keep feeling inside. And, i don't do this because i want, it's not my will to keep brooding and brooding past bad things that happened to me (like nightmares, and some other things i don't remember, and because when i try to improve in life something that was my mistake, i mostly can't improve, because i do the same thing over and over, and because of thoughts about horrible things i totally don't want to do but my brain automatically thinks on it everytime i do something related to my horrible thought, althought i have some moments of totally forgetting about it in my dout and nights, it led me to do a thing i prefer not telling.
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Mending_Boost
Why it feel like I feel like this
It hurt so much
Sometimes I want avoid everyone but they was kind person maybe I was the problem
I feel like everyone only stay with if I be kind
I scared that everyone will left me alone again that why I always tried be good person but it feel they using me but they not
Sometimes I can talk sometimes I can’t because they look like they will hurt me but I push my to talk
Why it hard to be like anyone else
But they say I normal
I can’t remember my past it not clear
Why sometimes I feel sad and happy in same are that normal
Why sometimes I feel like everyone like at me it scared are it how I walk are look weird
Why sometimes my hand shaking if I talk about my past or my weakness
Sometimes My body shaking went in front many people or if I feel pressure
Sometimes I be overwhelmed by little things
Why I feel I waste everyone time and I a burden to everyone
Why I feel like everyone hate me
I don’t want hate anyone so I put all blame on myself
If they hurt me I say to myself maybe I the problem
Sorry if I talk to much
Sorry if I annoying you please don’t hate me
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Why it feel like I feel like this
It hurt so much
Sometimes I want avoid everyone but they was kind person maybe I was the problem
I feel like everyone only stay with if I be kind
I scared that everyone will left me alone again that why I always tried be good person but it feel they using me but they not
Sometimes I can talk sometimes I can’t because they look like they will hurt me but I push my to talk
Why it hard to be like anyone else
But they say I normal
I can’t remember my past it not clear
Why sometimes I feel sad and happy in same are that normal
Why sometimes I feel like everyone like at me it scared are it how I walk are look weird
Why sometimes my hand shaking if I talk about my past or my weakness
Sometimes My body shaking went in front many people or if I feel pressure
Sometimes I be overwhelmed by little things
Why I feel I waste everyone time and I a burden to everyone
Why I feel like everyone hate me
I don’t want hate anyone so I put all blame on myself
If they hurt me I say to myself maybe I the problem
Sorry if I talk to much
Sorry if I annoying you please don’t hate me
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K4TTX333
I needa vent.
So i might have depression and i mask it up almost all the time but sometimes that mask cracks and i don't like to open up to random people. Im going to middle school and i wanna do online middle school but i can't sadly i don't wanna be judge because of the mental illnesses i might have and I've actually cracked under the pressure and had full on mental breakdowns in 5th grade (im going to 6th grade and yes I've told someone bout this just not my parents) I kinda feel like my pookie wookie bear Michael is the only one who cares and notice's when im sad or kinda out of it on certain days. I've tried to kill myself (the common symptoms of depression started happening when i was 7) since i was 7 and i just feel like im a burden to everyone one. I've had thoughts about killing myself and if anyone besides my parents, lil sis, and Michael would notice. I also stress eat and im worried that my parents will just leave my possible depression as laziness and think that im overreacting. I'll update cuz my phone is about to die. Bai for now
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I needa vent.
So i might have depression and i mask it up almost all the time but sometimes that mask cracks and i don't like to open up to random people. Im going to middle school and i wanna do online middle school but i can't sadly i don't wanna be judge because of the mental illnesses i might have and I've actually cracked under the pressure and had full on mental breakdowns in 5th grade (im going to 6th grade and yes I've told someone bout this just not my parents) I kinda feel like my pookie wookie bear Michael is the only one who cares and notice's when im sad or kinda out of it on certain days. I've tried to kill myself (the common symptoms of depression started happening when i was 7) since i was 7 and i just feel like im a burden to everyone one. I've had thoughts about killing myself and if anyone besides my parents, lil sis, and Michael would notice. I also stress eat and im worried that my parents will just leave my possible depression as laziness and think that im overreacting. I'll update cuz my phone is about to die. Bai for now
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lindseyg9666
AVPD, it gets worse as I have met people opened as an empath and got burned used and so I became a super empath and now i am self reliant I am loathed to ask for help, it really irks me to the core, most people are I met are not genuine they see all relationships as transactional or what they can get out of it, I find this draining very draining, if you make out that AVPDs just need to be fixed and wow they will have a gorgeous loving relationship. no! naive it does not work that way. someone tell me the good story that most people are genuine kind etc it is sad but most Humans have some form of CPTSD, weird attachment styles, even the ones tat are working on themself, Humans are flawed and living in the modern world has made it worse, NPD is on the rise, tell me a Good Story how we get back to Eden to paradise,
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AVPD, it gets worse as I have met people opened as an empath and got burned used and so I became a super empath and now i am self reliant I am loathed to ask for help, it really irks me to the core, most people are I met are not genuine they see all relationships as transactional or what they can get out of it, I find this draining very draining, if you make out that AVPDs just need to be fixed and wow they will have a gorgeous loving relationship. no! naive it does not work that way. someone tell me the good story that most people are genuine kind etc it is sad but most Humans have some form of CPTSD, weird attachment styles, even the ones tat are working on themself, Humans are flawed and living in the modern world has made it worse, NPD is on the rise, tell me a Good Story how we get back to Eden to paradise,
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ronn0246
I feel like people don’t understand enough that bad beliefs are built through bad experiences. They are not ungrounded in realitythey are learned from reality. So don’t treat people who struggle with attachment issues, for example, like there’s something wrong with them. Don’t treat them with pity. They are EXACTLY how they’re supposed to be, based on their genetics and the experiences they’ve had. And often, rationalization and reflection are not enough to heal. Your brain doesn’t believe you when you try to teach it something it has evidence against. So it needs proof. It needs to see you go through good experiences that prove it wrongand then, the person needs to acknowledge those experiences. That’s how beliefs are changed.
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I feel like people don’t understand enough that bad beliefs are built through bad experiences. They are not ungrounded in realitythey are learned from reality. So don’t treat people who struggle with attachment issues, for example, like there’s something wrong with them. Don’t treat them with pity. They are EXACTLY how they’re supposed to be, based on their genetics and the experiences they’ve had. And often, rationalization and reflection are not enough to heal. Your brain doesn’t believe you when you try to teach it something it has evidence against. So it needs proof. It needs to see you go through good experiences that prove it wrongand then, the person needs to acknowledge those experiences. That’s how beliefs are changed.
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sewen1237
9: 06 i cannot imagine how difficult this is for someone. The video alone about it is very painful. Let alone seeing someone live with it. That’s why it’s extremely important to be non-judgmental about others immediately. People make mistakes and we cannot judge others by a single mistake or an accidental word or error. If they did the same mistakes on purpose that’s a bad thing but if it’s one of two that’s okay. So please if you read this comment. I really want you to be non-judgmental about people and yourself. Emotions are very complicated yet if you gave yourself some alone time and process is without stress or anxiety. The feeling is so great. Stay hydrated and i hope everyone gets through any trouble they’re dealing with
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9: 06 i cannot imagine how difficult this is for someone. The video alone about it is very painful. Let alone seeing someone live with it. That’s why it’s extremely important to be non-judgmental about others immediately. People make mistakes and we cannot judge others by a single mistake or an accidental word or error. If they did the same mistakes on purpose that’s a bad thing but if it’s one of two that’s okay. So please if you read this comment. I really want you to be non-judgmental about people and yourself. Emotions are very complicated yet if you gave yourself some alone time and process is without stress or anxiety. The feeling is so great. Stay hydrated and i hope everyone gets through any trouble they’re dealing with
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gravy_gone
Thank you for spreading about AvPD one more time and thank you for y'all trying to be patient with us Sometimes it's hard for us to make other pople understand how hard we're trying to be comfortable around others and trying to be the good person for them. We might be looked like pushing away or even ghosting you but we're just dont know how to deal with all those feelings since we prone to shutdown as a mechanism to protect ourselves, also we actually want the closeness so deeply but the closeness may make us prone to rejection, criticsm, or just exposing our flaws. Once again, thank you for all who's still stay and be patient with us and for fellow AvPD out there we're strong enough to get through this life
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Thank you for spreading about AvPD one more time and thank you for y'all trying to be patient with us Sometimes it's hard for us to make other pople understand how hard we're trying to be comfortable around others and trying to be the good person for them. We might be looked like pushing away or even ghosting you but we're just dont know how to deal with all those feelings since we prone to shutdown as a mechanism to protect ourselves, also we actually want the closeness so deeply but the closeness may make us prone to rejection, criticsm, or just exposing our flaws. Once again, thank you for all who's still stay and be patient with us and for fellow AvPD out there we're strong enough to get through this life
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AveragelyCharming
Speaking from last comment I made about being ghosted, my friend who ghosted me probably has this.
I wish they would have told me, even to a small extent. It sucks knowing someone is suffering and instead of opening up they run away to find unhealthy ways to cope. (Ahem, weed) But I do hope he's doing well, even if he really hurt me. I was able to find a friend a year after I left him and things have been better for me. The guy I'm talking to is a lot more open and patient
However, I hope people who struggle with this the best, sincerely. You deserve friends and a healthy support system, even if your brain tells you to run away or keep yourself at an arm's length
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Speaking from last comment I made about being ghosted, my friend who ghosted me probably has this.
I wish they would have told me, even to a small extent. It sucks knowing someone is suffering and instead of opening up they run away to find unhealthy ways to cope. (Ahem, weed) But I do hope he's doing well, even if he really hurt me. I was able to find a friend a year after I left him and things have been better for me. The guy I'm talking to is a lot more open and patient
However, I hope people who struggle with this the best, sincerely. You deserve friends and a healthy support system, even if your brain tells you to run away or keep yourself at an arm's length
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psych2go
This helps a lot. I grew up in a very broken household, my parents paid most attention to my older sister, and my other sister was left to raise me in a sense. Now, I am often a peace maker, and whenever people fight in my family I have to break it up. I've never been able to express my emotions at home, nor anywhere else.
Because of my family life and childhood, I really struggle with leaving people when things get to emotional or close. I am not diagnosed with AVPD but I've always struggled with leaving people for what I thought was my safety.
This video has encouraged me to look into getting an official diagnosis when I can.
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This helps a lot. I grew up in a very broken household, my parents paid most attention to my older sister, and my other sister was left to raise me in a sense. Now, I am often a peace maker, and whenever people fight in my family I have to break it up. I've never been able to express my emotions at home, nor anywhere else.
Because of my family life and childhood, I really struggle with leaving people when things get to emotional or close. I am not diagnosed with AVPD but I've always struggled with leaving people for what I thought was my safety.
This video has encouraged me to look into getting an official diagnosis when I can.
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psych2go
This video helps. I have been running away from trauma and depression. For me connection is important but I have been doing everything alone for so long I can't bring myself to ask for help. Emotions for me I tend to tune it out because I was punished from my father's side. I had ex girlfriends where me not expressing myself pushed them away. I got a second job to distract myself from emotions. I started taking care of 2 stray dogs and it helps but one got ran over by a car while I went to work I didn't see it happen but the neighbors did. I somewhat feel like if I didn't get involved she would still be alive but I knew she loved me
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This video helps. I have been running away from trauma and depression. For me connection is important but I have been doing everything alone for so long I can't bring myself to ask for help. Emotions for me I tend to tune it out because I was punished from my father's side. I had ex girlfriends where me not expressing myself pushed them away. I got a second job to distract myself from emotions. I started taking care of 2 stray dogs and it helps but one got ran over by a car while I went to work I didn't see it happen but the neighbors did. I somewhat feel like if I didn't get involved she would still be alive but I knew she loved me
reply
PLZFrosty
This video rings so close to home that it's scary. I desperately want to get over it, but it is really too overwhelming - to the point where when a stranger, specifically, starts talking to me, actually wants to connect, i freeze up completely and plan an escape immediately. Even if might be someone that i find an interest in for any reason, i need to fight so hard to calm myself and stay in the conversation that I'm completely exhausted by the time it's over. When i converse with friends and family, i always keep my conversations as close to the surface as possible, or barely speak at all, just to keep myself feeling safe.
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This video rings so close to home that it's scary. I desperately want to get over it, but it is really too overwhelming - to the point where when a stranger, specifically, starts talking to me, actually wants to connect, i freeze up completely and plan an escape immediately. Even if might be someone that i find an interest in for any reason, i need to fight so hard to calm myself and stay in the conversation that I'm completely exhausted by the time it's over. When i converse with friends and family, i always keep my conversations as close to the surface as possible, or barely speak at all, just to keep myself feeling safe.
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me1cee
My boyfriend has this issue. He asked for space because of personal reasons. I know it’s hard to understand them but it takes a lot of patience and empathy to support them. We may start to question ourselves but know that you are not at fault. They just have struggles that they need to fix on their own. Supporting them may also be hard on our side but it will help them for their own growth and towards healing. I hope we may not lose the will to support them. Tough we may choose to stay and support them, never forget to prioritize our own mental health because we can’t support them if we also lose ourselves in the process.
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My boyfriend has this issue. He asked for space because of personal reasons. I know it’s hard to understand them but it takes a lot of patience and empathy to support them. We may start to question ourselves but know that you are not at fault. They just have struggles that they need to fix on their own. Supporting them may also be hard on our side but it will help them for their own growth and towards healing. I hope we may not lose the will to support them. Tough we may choose to stay and support them, never forget to prioritize our own mental health because we can’t support them if we also lose ourselves in the process.
reply
Silver_onpaws
I'm starting to watch your videos more often so I could get a little advice so I could start talking to people who are pretty toxic in the game that I play to kind of change their mind about cyber bullying / bullying because its mostly caused by trauma so they torment to get entertainment / joy. So when someone bullies you. Tell a trusted adult about it and ask them to maybe get them a counselor / therapist. for example, it's like lighting a spark in a endless dark tunnel. But it never stops until you break out. There fore, breaking put of that endless tunnel is like healing.
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I'm starting to watch your videos more often so I could get a little advice so I could start talking to people who are pretty toxic in the game that I play to kind of change their mind about cyber bullying / bullying because its mostly caused by trauma so they torment to get entertainment / joy. So when someone bullies you. Tell a trusted adult about it and ask them to maybe get them a counselor / therapist. for example, it's like lighting a spark in a endless dark tunnel. But it never stops until you break out. There fore, breaking put of that endless tunnel is like healing.
reply
samuelherber8000
I’m currently in a dynamic with a woman who acts like this. We both value each other a lot and I know that she wants me as much as I want her. I have to agree with the conclusion of this video that the feelings of a person stuck in this fear are valid and ok but I just reached the point where I think that it would be self destructive to wait for her any longer. So while her feelings are valid, mine are too. I’m not hanging on for weeks and months without any clarity, stuck in a mental loop. I’m moving on and she is lucky if I’m still available once she processed.
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I’m currently in a dynamic with a woman who acts like this. We both value each other a lot and I know that she wants me as much as I want her. I have to agree with the conclusion of this video that the feelings of a person stuck in this fear are valid and ok but I just reached the point where I think that it would be self destructive to wait for her any longer. So while her feelings are valid, mine are too. I’m not hanging on for weeks and months without any clarity, stuck in a mental loop. I’m moving on and she is lucky if I’m still available once she processed.
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