Psychologist Answers Couples Therapy Questions - Tech Support - WIRED
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Date: 2025-02-15
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Comments and reviews: 20
wired
Also, we have to define or reflect upon the word truth. And who defines it. Because everyones model if reality is incomplete. Ifnsomeone is claiming and postulating they speak THE TRUTH they are immediately and simultaneously devalidating your side of the story. Basically uninterested in your experience of the situation. THE TRUTH, the objective reality outside of any persons mind, can never be known to humans. Now, there can be honesty in uttering your thoughts and emotions. So, what you say can be truthful to what is going on inside of you. But that is A truth, not THE truth, because you are not the only person existing in the world.
In addition, even the truth withing a person is highly complicated and Inwould argue that often we don't fully know or understand what's going on inside of ourselves. Our thoughts and feelings and emotion can be very momentary. And the question is: do you want a truth that is momentary to potentially irrevocably damage the relation to the other person Some things are so hurtful that they can never be taken back. Do you want the other to be permantly subjected to your utterances of the most hurtful rhings you could say Jist sonyou dont have to use any self restraint or critical self reflection Amd the other is just supposed to endure that Just you dishing out and them absorbing the impacts That would be a very sadistic and cruel relationship. But thats how many people act that claim they are just telling it like IT IS (read as uttering every aggressive and amgry and hateful thought they impulsively have) or just telling the truth. Remember. it is not THE TRUTH, it is one of the versions of their internal truth. And if that truth is constantly hurtful, there is no basis for a relationship.
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Also, we have to define or reflect upon the word truth. And who defines it. Because everyones model if reality is incomplete. Ifnsomeone is claiming and postulating they speak THE TRUTH they are immediately and simultaneously devalidating your side of the story. Basically uninterested in your experience of the situation. THE TRUTH, the objective reality outside of any persons mind, can never be known to humans. Now, there can be honesty in uttering your thoughts and emotions. So, what you say can be truthful to what is going on inside of you. But that is A truth, not THE truth, because you are not the only person existing in the world.
In addition, even the truth withing a person is highly complicated and Inwould argue that often we don't fully know or understand what's going on inside of ourselves. Our thoughts and feelings and emotion can be very momentary. And the question is: do you want a truth that is momentary to potentially irrevocably damage the relation to the other person Some things are so hurtful that they can never be taken back. Do you want the other to be permantly subjected to your utterances of the most hurtful rhings you could say Jist sonyou dont have to use any self restraint or critical self reflection Amd the other is just supposed to endure that Just you dishing out and them absorbing the impacts That would be a very sadistic and cruel relationship. But thats how many people act that claim they are just telling it like IT IS (read as uttering every aggressive and amgry and hateful thought they impulsively have) or just telling the truth. Remember. it is not THE TRUTH, it is one of the versions of their internal truth. And if that truth is constantly hurtful, there is no basis for a relationship.
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jliller
The truth is whatever is constructive to the relationship.
Some people argue about facts but are really trying to get to the truth of what matters to them.
Facts are truth. What matters to you or how you feel about something is also truth, but if your emotional truth is at odds with factual truth that's a problem.
Sometimes the truth is constructive, sometimes it's hurtful. It is what it is. People need to grapple with the whole truth and not just the parts that make them feel good.
The bigger issue on the first question is motivation. Is the partner expressing honest feelings which happen hurtful (Does this dress make me look fat Yes) Are they acting impulsively on their emotions Are they saying things to deliberately be hurtful
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The truth is whatever is constructive to the relationship.
Some people argue about facts but are really trying to get to the truth of what matters to them.
Facts are truth. What matters to you or how you feel about something is also truth, but if your emotional truth is at odds with factual truth that's a problem.
Sometimes the truth is constructive, sometimes it's hurtful. It is what it is. People need to grapple with the whole truth and not just the parts that make them feel good.
The bigger issue on the first question is motivation. Is the partner expressing honest feelings which happen hurtful (Does this dress make me look fat Yes) Are they acting impulsively on their emotions Are they saying things to deliberately be hurtful
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wired
As soon as she mentioned her background in psychoanalysis I knew I was going to be in for a treat. I really appreciate her approach to her practice. Recognizing nuance and practicing digging beneath appearances to get to the heart of a matter are essential skills not only for a therapist, but for clients as well.
Too often I see psychology discussed in a way that splits it between hard sciences and abstract sociological concepts, when in reality psychology bridges the divide between the objective and the subjective. It is neither fully concrete nor fully abstract, but addresses the intricate interplay between nature and nurture and our socialized selves vs our unconcious or automatic selves.
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As soon as she mentioned her background in psychoanalysis I knew I was going to be in for a treat. I really appreciate her approach to her practice. Recognizing nuance and practicing digging beneath appearances to get to the heart of a matter are essential skills not only for a therapist, but for clients as well.
Too often I see psychology discussed in a way that splits it between hard sciences and abstract sociological concepts, when in reality psychology bridges the divide between the objective and the subjective. It is neither fully concrete nor fully abstract, but addresses the intricate interplay between nature and nurture and our socialized selves vs our unconcious or automatic selves.
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PocketInquires
1: 37 _The truth is not whatever comes to your mind. The Truth is what is constructive to the relationship. _ Talk about _oversimplifocation_! To limit Truth to being wholly constructive, whether in the context of it's nature or it's function, would surely be the single most harsh condemnation of every individual on Earth over half the time. Within the psych community, there is this unspoken challenge present with every leisurely ingestion of MHT content on the internet. It's called, _Tell me your practice is located in California without actually telling me your practice is in California. _.
No purchase necessary to win, though. You can spot them too.
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1: 37 _The truth is not whatever comes to your mind. The Truth is what is constructive to the relationship. _ Talk about _oversimplifocation_! To limit Truth to being wholly constructive, whether in the context of it's nature or it's function, would surely be the single most harsh condemnation of every individual on Earth over half the time. Within the psych community, there is this unspoken challenge present with every leisurely ingestion of MHT content on the internet. It's called, _Tell me your practice is located in California without actually telling me your practice is in California. _.
No purchase necessary to win, though. You can spot them too.
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JoelReid
It took me about 10 years of marriage to suddenly realise every large argument we had occurred a specific time of the month. Those arguments were not baseless, they were just ignored until that time of month and this would then explode to large scale disasters. This seemed to be on both our levels, not just a one sided level.
Once I worked that out, I pointed it out to my wife and we both became significantly better at dealing with issues. i think just being aware of one such trigger helped both of us know how to address each other the right way at the right times.
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It took me about 10 years of marriage to suddenly realise every large argument we had occurred a specific time of the month. Those arguments were not baseless, they were just ignored until that time of month and this would then explode to large scale disasters. This seemed to be on both our levels, not just a one sided level.
Once I worked that out, I pointed it out to my wife and we both became significantly better at dealing with issues. i think just being aware of one such trigger helped both of us know how to address each other the right way at the right times.
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peeshie8763
My husband and I have a deeply loving, happy relationship, and we regularly try to help other people experience love the way we do. A big part of that is teaching people the things we do to support one another, grow together, how we treat each other day to day, etc. It is so reassuring and fulfilling to listen to a specialist reiterate the things that we do naturally, and I'll continue to encourage people to be open and flexible with their partners or potential love interests.
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My husband and I have a deeply loving, happy relationship, and we regularly try to help other people experience love the way we do. A big part of that is teaching people the things we do to support one another, grow together, how we treat each other day to day, etc. It is so reassuring and fulfilling to listen to a specialist reiterate the things that we do naturally, and I'll continue to encourage people to be open and flexible with their partners or potential love interests.
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daslepistes
Am I the only one who thinks she is a little bit biased against men I mean, was it necessary to suggest that help your wife with the kids to the man who says he feels unloved Why start assuming he doesn't help his wife She never did this type of assumption in any other question. Also, is this really the first step to take in this situation Why not talk about it first, and offer help if that's the cause Aren't there a lot of reasons this might be happening
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Am I the only one who thinks she is a little bit biased against men I mean, was it necessary to suggest that help your wife with the kids to the man who says he feels unloved Why start assuming he doesn't help his wife She never did this type of assumption in any other question. Also, is this really the first step to take in this situation Why not talk about it first, and offer help if that's the cause Aren't there a lot of reasons this might be happening
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goatsplitter
I think for some people that the intensity of a budding relationship is addictive, and when that intensity dies down they question and find fault and think things go south. But love changes and the true love following the intense honeymoon phase is so wonderful. The stability and comfort of two people growing together and supporting one another while still being interested in each other mentally and physically. That's something truly special.
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I think for some people that the intensity of a budding relationship is addictive, and when that intensity dies down they question and find fault and think things go south. But love changes and the true love following the intense honeymoon phase is so wonderful. The stability and comfort of two people growing together and supporting one another while still being interested in each other mentally and physically. That's something truly special.
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stevenbruno7710
16: 09 this is something my fiance and I struggle with. Her parents for some reason or another refuse to try and engage in any positive interactions with me. To the point we dont want anyone else at our wedding except just ourselves. Because her family’s dynamic never evolved I’m stuck constantly being forced to feel like a bad guy. When its just immature parents who can’t evolve the nature of their relationship with their child
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16: 09 this is something my fiance and I struggle with. Her parents for some reason or another refuse to try and engage in any positive interactions with me. To the point we dont want anyone else at our wedding except just ourselves. Because her family’s dynamic never evolved I’m stuck constantly being forced to feel like a bad guy. When its just immature parents who can’t evolve the nature of their relationship with their child
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teamLewis44
Statistically speaking its more often men’s fault relationships break (and no, not both partners are equally failing if it happens. But in 100% cases men watching it happening with another couple will defend the man. Why is that so, don't we all want the same thing - so couples would stay together Or the male ego/solidarity/dominance win
(if it would happen the opposite way, most women would be agreeing that it was women’s fault)
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Statistically speaking its more often men’s fault relationships break (and no, not both partners are equally failing if it happens. But in 100% cases men watching it happening with another couple will defend the man. Why is that so, don't we all want the same thing - so couples would stay together Or the male ego/solidarity/dominance win
(if it would happen the opposite way, most women would be agreeing that it was women’s fault)
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RECTALBURRITO
My wife and I were pulling apart and all time and money were going towards children. I pick the time now and she picks the activity, sometimes cards, sometimes a video game, and it's give and take. We enjoy each other's time, it's not about winning, losing but just experiencing something together and it's brought growth to our relationship in many ways. This provided great insight and thank you.
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My wife and I were pulling apart and all time and money were going towards children. I pick the time now and she picks the activity, sometimes cards, sometimes a video game, and it's give and take. We enjoy each other's time, it's not about winning, losing but just experiencing something together and it's brought growth to our relationship in many ways. This provided great insight and thank you.
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Shirley-w8k
5: 20 - The inner child is something my husband thought had died after years of hardship. Now we game together, collect figurines and comic books/graphic novels, and watch a bunch of movies and shows together that we didn’t think others would want to watch with us. Keep the inner child safe and alive in your partner to help you with yours. For us, it feels like freedom to be ourselves.
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5: 20 - The inner child is something my husband thought had died after years of hardship. Now we game together, collect figurines and comic books/graphic novels, and watch a bunch of movies and shows together that we didn’t think others would want to watch with us. Keep the inner child safe and alive in your partner to help you with yours. For us, it feels like freedom to be ourselves.
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LilyGrace95
When I was a teen, my best friend (and briefly, girlfriend) was psychologically abusive. I never really recovered from it, even 15 years on. It feels almost like karma that my partner _now_ is the envy of everyone, and watching this video he (and I hope, I) ticks all the boxes for a healthy relationship. Funny think is, the abuser and my partner have the same name. Life's funny circles.
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When I was a teen, my best friend (and briefly, girlfriend) was psychologically abusive. I never really recovered from it, even 15 years on. It feels almost like karma that my partner _now_ is the envy of everyone, and watching this video he (and I hope, I) ticks all the boxes for a healthy relationship. Funny think is, the abuser and my partner have the same name. Life's funny circles.
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teruterujasu
love her attitude and how she constantly is reiterating how she is not here to change people but rather help people understand more about themselves. that being said, halfway through the video i honestly thought it had already been going for an hour LMFAO this topic is so draining just to hear about, i can't imagine her daily life in dealing with these topics all the time.
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love her attitude and how she constantly is reiterating how she is not here to change people but rather help people understand more about themselves. that being said, halfway through the video i honestly thought it had already been going for an hour LMFAO this topic is so draining just to hear about, i can't imagine her daily life in dealing with these topics all the time.
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matthewstroh1945
I have been happily married for 16 years my opinion is you put up with the worst of your person you're with because they're putting up with your worst quality and if you cannot put up the worst quality of the person you're with the do not stay with them all songs to lazy for secrets and do dumb for lies some very honest with my wife
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I have been happily married for 16 years my opinion is you put up with the worst of your person you're with because they're putting up with your worst quality and if you cannot put up the worst quality of the person you're with the do not stay with them all songs to lazy for secrets and do dumb for lies some very honest with my wife
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selinov
Uh, it’s obvious when someone asks if their partner is the one, they mean God, the creator of the universe. The best way to know if you're dating God is to look in their sock drawer. If the socks are neatly organized, you're probably dating The One. Also, if they never age while you are near death, yeah probably God.
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Uh, it’s obvious when someone asks if their partner is the one, they mean God, the creator of the universe. The best way to know if you're dating God is to look in their sock drawer. If the socks are neatly organized, you're probably dating The One. Also, if they never age while you are near death, yeah probably God.
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mabuixa
So glad she said that both the truth and feelings matter. I've always been told to pick one or the other but I can't, to me both are super important so I always try to find a balance and sometimes I do find it, sometimes I don’t but I get better at it day by day. So thank you, it feels so good to be understood ngl.
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So glad she said that both the truth and feelings matter. I've always been told to pick one or the other but I can't, to me both are super important so I always try to find a balance and sometimes I do find it, sometimes I don’t but I get better at it day by day. So thank you, it feels so good to be understood ngl.
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trashman1358
The truth is what is constructive to the relationship. So lie like a guy As apposed to: He no longer feels enough love towards you to only see the good things. The relationship is coming to an end.
Or: The best relationships are those built on deceit and lies.
Sweet mother!
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The truth is what is constructive to the relationship. So lie like a guy As apposed to: He no longer feels enough love towards you to only see the good things. The relationship is coming to an end.
Or: The best relationships are those built on deceit and lies.
Sweet mother!
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lyndsaybrown8471
Isn't it interesting how, the truth is almost always negative from these people claiming they like to speak the truth. It's never, wow, you really do a lot around the house, or, you seem to handle all of the family appointments, followed by a thank you.
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Isn't it interesting how, the truth is almost always negative from these people claiming they like to speak the truth. It's never, wow, you really do a lot around the house, or, you seem to handle all of the family appointments, followed by a thank you.
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iceman333933
Couples Therapy is a great show and she's very good on it, especially with some of the crazier couples. My wife and I always watch together and pause it throughout and have a lot of discussions. Like like our mid week couples therapy for ourselves too
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Couples Therapy is a great show and she's very good on it, especially with some of the crazier couples. My wife and I always watch together and pause it throughout and have a lot of discussions. Like like our mid week couples therapy for ourselves too
reply
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