7 Signs You re Not Too Nice, It s Your Trauma
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Date: 2023-10-13
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Comments and reviews: 20
Orion
I realised today that the majority of my personality is the polar opposite of my father s, some of which may have been a consciously driven attempt to train myself not to be like him at all.
This has been something of a triple-sided approach. On the one hand, I ve rejected his negative traits and flaws (too many to mention without trigger warnings, instead developing their objectively beneficial counterparts.
On the other hand, the realisation that I basically chose to be the opposite of his negative traits for reasons that may have been borne by preteen angst and rebellion (even with the obvious-in-hindsight traumatic childhood that still lingers to this day in a vestigial capacity) means my motivation was in some way a self-driven, perhaps slightly selfish, endeavour, which feels a little means to an end and out of character
But on the third hand, it means my Dad has been something of an inverse role model, as in he s taught me what NOT to be, which in an ironic way has guided me to become the kind of person who s apparently rare in this society and yet even with the compliments and support from others, there s still an undercurrent of humility bordering on impostor syndrome that still leaves me feeling a bit undeserving of such praise.
Maybe I still have some growing to do
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I realised today that the majority of my personality is the polar opposite of my father s, some of which may have been a consciously driven attempt to train myself not to be like him at all.
This has been something of a triple-sided approach. On the one hand, I ve rejected his negative traits and flaws (too many to mention without trigger warnings, instead developing their objectively beneficial counterparts.
On the other hand, the realisation that I basically chose to be the opposite of his negative traits for reasons that may have been borne by preteen angst and rebellion (even with the obvious-in-hindsight traumatic childhood that still lingers to this day in a vestigial capacity) means my motivation was in some way a self-driven, perhaps slightly selfish, endeavour, which feels a little means to an end and out of character
But on the third hand, it means my Dad has been something of an inverse role model, as in he s taught me what NOT to be, which in an ironic way has guided me to become the kind of person who s apparently rare in this society and yet even with the compliments and support from others, there s still an undercurrent of humility bordering on impostor syndrome that still leaves me feeling a bit undeserving of such praise.
Maybe I still have some growing to do
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Allan
Thank you so much for the information My childhood sucks I really relate to this but still I on my childhood I overly apologize feel guilty feel like a spoiled kid l always scared of arguments and I always worried of my parents get angry not just my parents even anyone I have depression but I explained it to my mom not my dad not anyone else My mom said he also has depression I was too nervous to say it on voice because of my anxiety but I forgot to tell about my anxiety and my childhood trauma let me explain a story about me one time I asked my parents can I go to the grocery store My parents was said yes my brother is in grocery store and I went to the grocery store I picked random snacks once my brother saw the price it was expensive he was shocked but she paid it anyways while I was going home with my brother I was feeling guilty and bad once we got home my brother told the price my parents was socked because of the price I was feeling really guilty My parents got upset I felt like I was a spoiled child I decide to apologize as much as l can to my parents and siblings to forgive me
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Thank you so much for the information My childhood sucks I really relate to this but still I on my childhood I overly apologize feel guilty feel like a spoiled kid l always scared of arguments and I always worried of my parents get angry not just my parents even anyone I have depression but I explained it to my mom not my dad not anyone else My mom said he also has depression I was too nervous to say it on voice because of my anxiety but I forgot to tell about my anxiety and my childhood trauma let me explain a story about me one time I asked my parents can I go to the grocery store My parents was said yes my brother is in grocery store and I went to the grocery store I picked random snacks once my brother saw the price it was expensive he was shocked but she paid it anyways while I was going home with my brother I was feeling guilty and bad once we got home my brother told the price my parents was socked because of the price I was feeling really guilty My parents got upset I felt like I was a spoiled child I decide to apologize as much as l can to my parents and siblings to forgive me
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DonkeyKICK
#1 is me, but I don t necessarily need to be seen just because I do for others, although a little recognition and checking up on me from time to time would be nice #2 has been me to a degree since a recent break up, especially when the person who broke it off tries to put all the blame on you. I kinda look at my ways and values a little different. I m slowly coming to the conclusion that I was somewhat the blame, but not hardly as much as the person who left. I ll be fine. #5. Feeling guilty about being angry also is a response to rejection, as so you don t upset others, even if you re right in your decision. #5 ties in with #6, as you lose a relationship (intimate or otherwise, you tend to think all of the blame is yours IT PROBABLY IS NOT, or even close. Take time to assess how to move on in a new way in your life, and think of the most brilliant and authentic you BEFORE you met the person that may have abandoned you. And yes, a mental health professional may, or may not be helpful for you, but should be an option.
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#1 is me, but I don t necessarily need to be seen just because I do for others, although a little recognition and checking up on me from time to time would be nice #2 has been me to a degree since a recent break up, especially when the person who broke it off tries to put all the blame on you. I kinda look at my ways and values a little different. I m slowly coming to the conclusion that I was somewhat the blame, but not hardly as much as the person who left. I ll be fine. #5. Feeling guilty about being angry also is a response to rejection, as so you don t upset others, even if you re right in your decision. #5 ties in with #6, as you lose a relationship (intimate or otherwise, you tend to think all of the blame is yours IT PROBABLY IS NOT, or even close. Take time to assess how to move on in a new way in your life, and think of the most brilliant and authentic you BEFORE you met the person that may have abandoned you. And yes, a mental health professional may, or may not be helpful for you, but should be an option.
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Beauty4Ashes
I really used to be like this, and carried deep down anger and resentment for others, but i kept smiling. I think i just wanted love and acceptance and i knew i had toxic people that would leave if i didnt comply. Sure enough, as i grew and started to say no, the circle thinned out and now i am mean because i speak up for myself. I know this earlier behavior started in childhood living with 2 narc parents and just trying to survive without being put down all the time. I am much better now, but my suggestion is good therapy, and starting the discovery of listening to your inner voice to find out who you are minus what you have heard and been told about yourself. And never ever fear being alone.
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I really used to be like this, and carried deep down anger and resentment for others, but i kept smiling. I think i just wanted love and acceptance and i knew i had toxic people that would leave if i didnt comply. Sure enough, as i grew and started to say no, the circle thinned out and now i am mean because i speak up for myself. I know this earlier behavior started in childhood living with 2 narc parents and just trying to survive without being put down all the time. I am much better now, but my suggestion is good therapy, and starting the discovery of listening to your inner voice to find out who you are minus what you have heard and been told about yourself. And never ever fear being alone.
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FishEater32
ok but what if you literally explode into bits and they have no one to go to for an errand their selfish self cant handle?
A: Will they be dramatically changed on every level to the point where no one can relate to them anymore?
B: Will they not care and find another Errand-boy?
Or C: They will feel regret and stay silent their whole life and become the end of their own bloodline because they realized they made someone bottle up a bunch of negative feelings to the point where their own brain and body couldn't handle it anymore ultimately resulting in their brutally unimaginable death?
This is a joke btw I love your videos they are very useful
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ok but what if you literally explode into bits and they have no one to go to for an errand their selfish self cant handle?
A: Will they be dramatically changed on every level to the point where no one can relate to them anymore?
B: Will they not care and find another Errand-boy?
Or C: They will feel regret and stay silent their whole life and become the end of their own bloodline because they realized they made someone bottle up a bunch of negative feelings to the point where their own brain and body couldn't handle it anymore ultimately resulting in their brutally unimaginable death?
This is a joke btw I love your videos they are very useful
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furryoftheyear
I feel like I'm only a decent person today because of my trauma. I ruined my own friendships and my actions started a chain of events that gave me this trauma. I was scared into bettering myself to have any hope of making or keeping any friends in the future, to not have it all happen again. I still don't have any friends or a way of making them.
My personality has improved tenfold, but at the biggest cost for my mental health in general. I'm slowly getting better while still maintaining the kindness I've built up. Though it feels selfish of me to say I'm even traumatized because what I went through seems so small from the outside.
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I feel like I'm only a decent person today because of my trauma. I ruined my own friendships and my actions started a chain of events that gave me this trauma. I was scared into bettering myself to have any hope of making or keeping any friends in the future, to not have it all happen again. I still don't have any friends or a way of making them.
My personality has improved tenfold, but at the biggest cost for my mental health in general. I'm slowly getting better while still maintaining the kindness I've built up. Though it feels selfish of me to say I'm even traumatized because what I went through seems so small from the outside.
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Morgue
I've noticed that whenever your videos speak on trauma, its always associated with childhood or in this video you showed a baby and said early in life. I just think it's important to consider that trauma can happen at any age, and I could see how it would make someone who's been traumatized as an adult feel like their trauma isn't valid. Especially with CPTSD. If I remember correctly, this type of trauma happens over time. It's not just one traumatic event, it's your body not knowing when you're going to experience another difficult situation and over time it will cause you to shut down to try to avoid triggers altogether.
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I've noticed that whenever your videos speak on trauma, its always associated with childhood or in this video you showed a baby and said early in life. I just think it's important to consider that trauma can happen at any age, and I could see how it would make someone who's been traumatized as an adult feel like their trauma isn't valid. Especially with CPTSD. If I remember correctly, this type of trauma happens over time. It's not just one traumatic event, it's your body not knowing when you're going to experience another difficult situation and over time it will cause you to shut down to try to avoid triggers altogether.
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Murr
Number 5 is relatable for me because of my experience with my dad. When I try to correct him, he gets absolutely furious at me and says I am nothing but disrespectful (I did not want him to look at my phone wallpaper, but he insisted to look at it. he also yells at me DO YOU SEE HOW YOU'RE BEHAVING! . after that, he emotionally gave up on me and told me GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! , LEAVE ME! . Because of this, I am just doing what he wished (he is now a shadow in my life. If you meet my dad, he can come off as friendly and talkative, but if you get to know him, he has a bad temper and always insists he is right.
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Number 5 is relatable for me because of my experience with my dad. When I try to correct him, he gets absolutely furious at me and says I am nothing but disrespectful (I did not want him to look at my phone wallpaper, but he insisted to look at it. he also yells at me DO YOU SEE HOW YOU'RE BEHAVING! . after that, he emotionally gave up on me and told me GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! , LEAVE ME! . Because of this, I am just doing what he wished (he is now a shadow in my life. If you meet my dad, he can come off as friendly and talkative, but if you get to know him, he has a bad temper and always insists he is right.
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Zeel
I can literally relate to every single one of them
I started noticing such things about myself over past few years but couldn't figure out what was wrong with me
I was blaming myself for reacting in certain ways but couldn't help it
I called myself a coward for not being able to stand up for myself and literally beat myself up for it till I started having mental breakdowns
I just couldn't figure out whome to ask for help as I just didn't know what kind help I was looking for and what was actually wrong with me
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I can literally relate to every single one of them
I started noticing such things about myself over past few years but couldn't figure out what was wrong with me
I was blaming myself for reacting in certain ways but couldn't help it
I called myself a coward for not being able to stand up for myself and literally beat myself up for it till I started having mental breakdowns
I just couldn't figure out whome to ask for help as I just didn't know what kind help I was looking for and what was actually wrong with me
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Bonboomori
Signs You're Not Too Nice, It's Your Trauma
Fawning
Time stamps:
1. You don't feel seen 1: 31
2. Your values become compromised 2: 04
3. You feel responsible for other people's reactions 2: 38
4. You're terrified of making decisions for others 3: 14
5. You feel guilty about getting angry 3: 50
6. You over apologize 4: 22
7. You don't know how to say No 4: 54
Kindness is not equivalent to being a doormat,
erasing your sense of self, or never speaking up for yourself.
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Signs You're Not Too Nice, It's Your Trauma
Fawning
Time stamps:
1. You don't feel seen 1: 31
2. Your values become compromised 2: 04
3. You feel responsible for other people's reactions 2: 38
4. You're terrified of making decisions for others 3: 14
5. You feel guilty about getting angry 3: 50
6. You over apologize 4: 22
7. You don't know how to say No 4: 54
Kindness is not equivalent to being a doormat,
erasing your sense of self, or never speaking up for yourself.
reply
Joksu202
More or less I can relate to these. I like to help others and give people nice things as gifts, proving that I am their friend. But other day, even I have given greeting on my friends birthdays and invested on gift-cards for all of them during this year (3 of my friends and they invested with me together for each other, this week I had birthday but NONE of them even send a text like Happy birthday! I feel betrayed and now I have anxious feeling about it. Am I equal with them or not? Was I too nice!
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More or less I can relate to these. I like to help others and give people nice things as gifts, proving that I am their friend. But other day, even I have given greeting on my friends birthdays and invested on gift-cards for all of them during this year (3 of my friends and they invested with me together for each other, this week I had birthday but NONE of them even send a text like Happy birthday! I feel betrayed and now I have anxious feeling about it. Am I equal with them or not? Was I too nice!
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The
If you were to look in my head, I think i basically got like a mental crack in there, it looks like my skull mentally is about to crack with just a touch. I got quite a lot of problems that no one really cares about, but i care about others. I never really thought about this (what s in the video I mean) idk if I ll be able to do anything about it though. I feel I m gonna stay like this forever
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If you were to look in my head, I think i basically got like a mental crack in there, it looks like my skull mentally is about to crack with just a touch. I got quite a lot of problems that no one really cares about, but i care about others. I never really thought about this (what s in the video I mean) idk if I ll be able to do anything about it though. I feel I m gonna stay like this forever
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Deadly
Timestamps
1. You don't feel seen 1: 31
2. Your values become compromised 2: 04
3. You feel responsible for other people's reactions 2: 38
4. You're terrified of making decisions for others 3: 14
5. You feel guilty about getting angry 3: 50
6. You over-apologize 4: 21
7. You don't know how to say no 4: 54
Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day.
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Timestamps
1. You don't feel seen 1: 31
2. Your values become compromised 2: 04
3. You feel responsible for other people's reactions 2: 38
4. You're terrified of making decisions for others 3: 14
5. You feel guilty about getting angry 3: 50
6. You over-apologize 4: 21
7. You don't know how to say no 4: 54
Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day.
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Pail
Interesting behavioural phenomena. My late aunt seems to display most of these signs which i always mistaken for some random act of kindess or empathy also maybe my mother too. I think i was was close in becoming one as well. kind of sucks that some selfish & greedy people will take advantage or exploit some of these behavioural weaknesses to benefit them.
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Interesting behavioural phenomena. My late aunt seems to display most of these signs which i always mistaken for some random act of kindess or empathy also maybe my mother too. I think i was was close in becoming one as well. kind of sucks that some selfish & greedy people will take advantage or exploit some of these behavioural weaknesses to benefit them.
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Mary
I have always been told i am too nice. I try to put myself in others peoples shoes and talk kindly to them. That usually leads to people taking advantage of me. I still am learning to still be polite but if i am being mistreated walk away. That part is hard because i dont wanna hurt people's feelings. But i gotta protect myself
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I have always been told i am too nice. I try to put myself in others peoples shoes and talk kindly to them. That usually leads to people taking advantage of me. I still am learning to still be polite but if i am being mistreated walk away. That part is hard because i dont wanna hurt people's feelings. But i gotta protect myself
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Something
7 Signs You re Not Too Nice, It s Your Trauma
1. You don t feel seen
2. Your values become compromised
3. You feel responsible for other people s reaction
4. You re tired of making decisions for others
5. You feel guilty about getting angry
6. You over-apologize
7. You don t know how to say NO
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7 Signs You re Not Too Nice, It s Your Trauma
1. You don t feel seen
2. Your values become compromised
3. You feel responsible for other people s reaction
4. You re tired of making decisions for others
5. You feel guilty about getting angry
6. You over-apologize
7. You don t know how to say NO
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Lachlan
I just shared the link to this video with a very close friend of mine who really needs this information in its entirety. And once I ve finished typing this acknowledgment of my undying gratitude, I shall share it with my mother as well, since we both suffer from a lesser degree of of this very phenomenon.
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I just shared the link to this video with a very close friend of mine who really needs this information in its entirety. And once I ve finished typing this acknowledgment of my undying gratitude, I shall share it with my mother as well, since we both suffer from a lesser degree of of this very phenomenon.
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Gaming_Cookie_Fox_
I mean, I really try my best to be nice because I know how that could just make someone's day better but a lot of the time is this fawning response too
Edit: The can't say no and the over-apologizing one are so relatable- Once I freaking apologized on accident for using the toilet at home-
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I mean, I really try my best to be nice because I know how that could just make someone's day better but a lot of the time is this fawning response too
Edit: The can't say no and the over-apologizing one are so relatable- Once I freaking apologized on accident for using the toilet at home-
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[insert
For me, its not about trying to be a people pleasure, but when im stressed i tend to isolate from my surroundings. Theres been countless times i droned off into my head because im dealing with overwhelming problems. Its not me trying to please people, but i stay occupied to myself to avoid any drama.
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For me, its not about trying to be a people pleasure, but when im stressed i tend to isolate from my surroundings. Theres been countless times i droned off into my head because im dealing with overwhelming problems. Its not me trying to please people, but i stay occupied to myself to avoid any drama.
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Sharon
Because of the abuse I went through I decided that it is better to be alone rather than always being put down. I got worse with mental help because I kept getting overdosed and had to learn on my own how to cope and stop medication because the mental medication affected my physical health.
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Because of the abuse I went through I decided that it is better to be alone rather than always being put down. I got worse with mental help because I kept getting overdosed and had to learn on my own how to cope and stop medication because the mental medication affected my physical health.
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