How Does Our Trauma Affect Our Sexy Kinks
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Date: 2025-04-11
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Comments and reviews: 20
OccultOrangutan
Unrelated to the video but, how do I get help
It feels impossible. And whenever I try to open up properly, it feels like someone shoves a brick down my throat and I physically can’t speak, like a cd or something that’s buffering, I start talking and then it just stops in the middle of a word or a sentence and I go silent even though I’m trying to open up.
I don’t know what to do anymore.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. And I don’t know how much longer I’ll stick around, because it’s not like I’m afraid of dying, and I’m very aware of ways to do it painlessly. It’s just a matter of when I’m finally fed up with everything.
People have it worse than me, I don’t have any good reason to experience or feeling all the things I am. But I am feeling them, and I don’t want to live like this. I haven’t for a few years now. And it just seems to get worse.
Had it not been for my friend I would have started smoking and potentially other things. That day was the first time I got wasted. I couldn’t stand, I almost vomited, and I was definitely feeling the effects 2 days later. I initially just wanted to go for a drink together, but by some miracle he saw that I was on the verge of a breakdown and decided not to get anything.
And we started talking, we were in the rain on his balcony overlooking the veld. And it started normal enough, and I kept downing bottles at an unreasonable rate. And then I got to the last one and slowed down, I don’t know why but I did. And when I finished it, I was talking like normal trying to keep everything hidden like I normally would, by then I inexplicably started crying. First time I’d genuinely cried in 7 or so years. Like I felt my breath hitching and my chest tightening and then it started pouring out. And I couldn’t stop. And I talked for three or so hours crying the entire time. At some point I had fallen onto the wet tiles and curled myself into a ball. And I cried the entire time. And everything I had been dealing with had come out.
But the entire time, I felt my friends arms around me, despite the snot the tears the drool. He just kept holding me, when I fell onto the floor he kept holding me. He patted me on the back and told me I was doing good, telling me it was alright. And he just listened. He helped me get through the huge hangover, helped me prevent the worst of it. And he’s been checking up on me frequently despite his own problems, which I don’t want him to do. But he cares, he always has, and that day I realised how much was wrong with me. And I want help, but I can’t ask for it myself. And my friend respected my wishes and is keeping the meltdown from everyone. He wants to take things at my pace, and I’m happy for it. But I know I need to sort this out at some point or another.
Despite being completely destroyed by the amount if alcohol I had drank, I remember his arms around me very vividly, despite how overweight I am, despite how ugly I am, despite all the gross fluids that were coming out of me. I didn’t feel judged at all. And it felt nice. I really do love him. He’s like an older brother to me despite being younger. For years he’s put up with my immaturity and my nonsense, and I think he also knew I was going through stuff all that time. Even as a kid he seemed to know and was always willing to listen even if he didn’t understand. That was the first time I’d actually opened up to him. I hope I don’t do something like that again. I was promising myself on the way to his house that I wouldn’t let out all those emotions, but I did.
And the thing is he didn’t tell me no don’t smoke, no don’t get absolutely wasted he said it was up to me and that he wouldn’t think less of me for it. I still got absolutely wasted, but if he told me smoking was a bad idea I might have done it. But he made me feel accepted and loved. And I genuinely hope I can offer that kind of support to him as well. Knowing him, and how kind he is, he’s probably experienced or is experiencing similar things to me. He’s always been kind though. Always been loving. Always wanted everyone to get along regardless of who they were. I’m so blessed to have a friend like him.
I really wish I could read minds because I genuinely want to make sure he’s ok. But I know it’s impossible to open up. The only reason I did was because of the alcohol and the entire time I was thinking to myself shut up, look at how gross you are, you don’t really feel this way, it’s all in your head and yet on impulse my body kept talking and crying.
The human mind is a weird thing. I hate what I don’t understand. And I hate these feelings.
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Unrelated to the video but, how do I get help
It feels impossible. And whenever I try to open up properly, it feels like someone shoves a brick down my throat and I physically can’t speak, like a cd or something that’s buffering, I start talking and then it just stops in the middle of a word or a sentence and I go silent even though I’m trying to open up.
I don’t know what to do anymore.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. And I don’t know how much longer I’ll stick around, because it’s not like I’m afraid of dying, and I’m very aware of ways to do it painlessly. It’s just a matter of when I’m finally fed up with everything.
People have it worse than me, I don’t have any good reason to experience or feeling all the things I am. But I am feeling them, and I don’t want to live like this. I haven’t for a few years now. And it just seems to get worse.
Had it not been for my friend I would have started smoking and potentially other things. That day was the first time I got wasted. I couldn’t stand, I almost vomited, and I was definitely feeling the effects 2 days later. I initially just wanted to go for a drink together, but by some miracle he saw that I was on the verge of a breakdown and decided not to get anything.
And we started talking, we were in the rain on his balcony overlooking the veld. And it started normal enough, and I kept downing bottles at an unreasonable rate. And then I got to the last one and slowed down, I don’t know why but I did. And when I finished it, I was talking like normal trying to keep everything hidden like I normally would, by then I inexplicably started crying. First time I’d genuinely cried in 7 or so years. Like I felt my breath hitching and my chest tightening and then it started pouring out. And I couldn’t stop. And I talked for three or so hours crying the entire time. At some point I had fallen onto the wet tiles and curled myself into a ball. And I cried the entire time. And everything I had been dealing with had come out.
But the entire time, I felt my friends arms around me, despite the snot the tears the drool. He just kept holding me, when I fell onto the floor he kept holding me. He patted me on the back and told me I was doing good, telling me it was alright. And he just listened. He helped me get through the huge hangover, helped me prevent the worst of it. And he’s been checking up on me frequently despite his own problems, which I don’t want him to do. But he cares, he always has, and that day I realised how much was wrong with me. And I want help, but I can’t ask for it myself. And my friend respected my wishes and is keeping the meltdown from everyone. He wants to take things at my pace, and I’m happy for it. But I know I need to sort this out at some point or another.
Despite being completely destroyed by the amount if alcohol I had drank, I remember his arms around me very vividly, despite how overweight I am, despite how ugly I am, despite all the gross fluids that were coming out of me. I didn’t feel judged at all. And it felt nice. I really do love him. He’s like an older brother to me despite being younger. For years he’s put up with my immaturity and my nonsense, and I think he also knew I was going through stuff all that time. Even as a kid he seemed to know and was always willing to listen even if he didn’t understand. That was the first time I’d actually opened up to him. I hope I don’t do something like that again. I was promising myself on the way to his house that I wouldn’t let out all those emotions, but I did.
And the thing is he didn’t tell me no don’t smoke, no don’t get absolutely wasted he said it was up to me and that he wouldn’t think less of me for it. I still got absolutely wasted, but if he told me smoking was a bad idea I might have done it. But he made me feel accepted and loved. And I genuinely hope I can offer that kind of support to him as well. Knowing him, and how kind he is, he’s probably experienced or is experiencing similar things to me. He’s always been kind though. Always been loving. Always wanted everyone to get along regardless of who they were. I’m so blessed to have a friend like him.
I really wish I could read minds because I genuinely want to make sure he’s ok. But I know it’s impossible to open up. The only reason I did was because of the alcohol and the entire time I was thinking to myself shut up, look at how gross you are, you don’t really feel this way, it’s all in your head and yet on impulse my body kept talking and crying.
The human mind is a weird thing. I hate what I don’t understand. And I hate these feelings.
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psych2go
1. I hate to get involved in power dynamics. How can I I want the liberation. Somehow, since they've the mutual consent. Can't criticise after all.
2. Of course, I'm not gay but I hate the fact that our legal system criminalises it which is so gross.
3. Normally, in my process of getting exposed and deconstructing from Christianity, the thing I did was always using gore and other types of horror media to escape the feeling of guilt, shame and abuse. Not only tied to religious experiences but they also include feelings about romance which became too harsh. Somehow, it's true the fact that healing is obviously the thing required and even ChatGPT suggested that there're healthier ways to cope with those traumatic experiences but what should we actually do when the mental healthcare system in our country is not good enough to address deep issues like trauma having grandiose attitudes about their professions
4. Yeah. I can't do the kind of things I thought towards someone that I love. I might think in that way about someone I hate as a source of catharsis if they've done something wrong or traumatised me in the past but never physically act on them because letting go is way easier than acting in such ways.
5. I don't think I don't have fantasies anymore in such a way and even ones that I'm dealing with now aren't that extreme levels of intrusive thoughts but I kinda feel hurt when thinking about crush or something but can't completely avoid sometimes either. It's like, I've 2 solid options which are solitude or go home for no meal. I don't know but the clock is ticking.
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1. I hate to get involved in power dynamics. How can I I want the liberation. Somehow, since they've the mutual consent. Can't criticise after all.
2. Of course, I'm not gay but I hate the fact that our legal system criminalises it which is so gross.
3. Normally, in my process of getting exposed and deconstructing from Christianity, the thing I did was always using gore and other types of horror media to escape the feeling of guilt, shame and abuse. Not only tied to religious experiences but they also include feelings about romance which became too harsh. Somehow, it's true the fact that healing is obviously the thing required and even ChatGPT suggested that there're healthier ways to cope with those traumatic experiences but what should we actually do when the mental healthcare system in our country is not good enough to address deep issues like trauma having grandiose attitudes about their professions
4. Yeah. I can't do the kind of things I thought towards someone that I love. I might think in that way about someone I hate as a source of catharsis if they've done something wrong or traumatised me in the past but never physically act on them because letting go is way easier than acting in such ways.
5. I don't think I don't have fantasies anymore in such a way and even ones that I'm dealing with now aren't that extreme levels of intrusive thoughts but I kinda feel hurt when thinking about crush or something but can't completely avoid sometimes either. It's like, I've 2 solid options which are solitude or go home for no meal. I don't know but the clock is ticking.
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gothicmarlowe
Since I was 8, I started getting 21 plus dreams out of nowhere. Then on I’ve been used as or seen as an object both irl and on the internet. I’ve been in relationships (not romantically) where these two twin brothers would constantly physically harm me and use me as their toy for lack of a better word. Nothing got bad enough to the point where it hit the bedroom kind of thing. Being exposed to and experiencing stuff like this for years and then falling victim to an almost year long bus! ve relationship.
If I didn’t comply and put on an act and responded the way they wanted me to in s3xually motivated texting, ik I’d be hurt the next day. People saw this but nothing happened.
The next year a person I truly cared about experienced the same thing with the same people I did. I tried to help as much as I could but I still couldn’t do anything about it. (They’re okay now btw)
Ofc I’ve had daddy and mommy issues for years, I’m neurodivergent and have a hard time understanding social cues and having true friends. Even strangers online and irl will comment things towards my body or stuff I like or even just look at me in a certain way.
K! nks for me are both a part of who I am and came about because of trauma.
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Since I was 8, I started getting 21 plus dreams out of nowhere. Then on I’ve been used as or seen as an object both irl and on the internet. I’ve been in relationships (not romantically) where these two twin brothers would constantly physically harm me and use me as their toy for lack of a better word. Nothing got bad enough to the point where it hit the bedroom kind of thing. Being exposed to and experiencing stuff like this for years and then falling victim to an almost year long bus! ve relationship.
If I didn’t comply and put on an act and responded the way they wanted me to in s3xually motivated texting, ik I’d be hurt the next day. People saw this but nothing happened.
The next year a person I truly cared about experienced the same thing with the same people I did. I tried to help as much as I could but I still couldn’t do anything about it. (They’re okay now btw)
Ofc I’ve had daddy and mommy issues for years, I’m neurodivergent and have a hard time understanding social cues and having true friends. Even strangers online and irl will comment things towards my body or stuff I like or even just look at me in a certain way.
K! nks for me are both a part of who I am and came about because of trauma.
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SomeGuy-gc8zs
Nothing new here for me. Just to hammer it down, though, the three big pillars of ethical kink are safety, sanity, and consent. Safety is pretty self-evident; use purpose-built, body-safe toys, make sure you strike safe areas during impact play, start small when working with exit-only orifices, and if you're going to play with rope and other restraints, make sure you use safe knots, place the restraints in safe areas, and keep a good, sharp knife or pair of scissors nearby so you can cut the rope in an emergency. Consent is also obvious enough; everyone involved needs to be okay with what's going on, and measures like safe words are paramount, especially if you engage in CNC. Sanity is a little more subjective, which is why some people prefer to talk about RACK, which is an acronym for risk-aware consensual kink, but as a rule of thumb, if your fantasies carry a high probability of permanent consequences and not enough room to mitigate, it's probably not sane.
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Nothing new here for me. Just to hammer it down, though, the three big pillars of ethical kink are safety, sanity, and consent. Safety is pretty self-evident; use purpose-built, body-safe toys, make sure you strike safe areas during impact play, start small when working with exit-only orifices, and if you're going to play with rope and other restraints, make sure you use safe knots, place the restraints in safe areas, and keep a good, sharp knife or pair of scissors nearby so you can cut the rope in an emergency. Consent is also obvious enough; everyone involved needs to be okay with what's going on, and measures like safe words are paramount, especially if you engage in CNC. Sanity is a little more subjective, which is why some people prefer to talk about RACK, which is an acronym for risk-aware consensual kink, but as a rule of thumb, if your fantasies carry a high probability of permanent consequences and not enough room to mitigate, it's probably not sane.
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JynxsQuest
CnC is actually more commonly desired than outspoken and its mostly liked my woman.
As a woman who falls under that category, id just like to lend one solid hand out of advice.
Please be very careful at the same time who you tell about such things and how they react as well.
I wont go in depth, I will say, I clearly didn't set good enough boundaries or even explained what it was well and I should've noticed the red flag immediately of this person being. a little too excited about the premise and not the. safety
Which basically leading to a similar and even more confusing situation that lead me here in the first place.
Just please please learn what a kink DOES mean to/ for you and what exactly about IT that does IT for you.
Clear boundaries need to be immediately set and these things should definitely not be done with anyone you dont know or trust FULLY WITH YOUR LIFE!
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CnC is actually more commonly desired than outspoken and its mostly liked my woman.
As a woman who falls under that category, id just like to lend one solid hand out of advice.
Please be very careful at the same time who you tell about such things and how they react as well.
I wont go in depth, I will say, I clearly didn't set good enough boundaries or even explained what it was well and I should've noticed the red flag immediately of this person being. a little too excited about the premise and not the. safety
Which basically leading to a similar and even more confusing situation that lead me here in the first place.
Just please please learn what a kink DOES mean to/ for you and what exactly about IT that does IT for you.
Clear boundaries need to be immediately set and these things should definitely not be done with anyone you dont know or trust FULLY WITH YOUR LIFE!
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blank26clover
So i have a grape fantasy that steam from trama of me being s-asulted but not graped as my family helped me before it got to far
Now i shared it with my closest friend and he knew that bc of that and the way people treat me i stuggled with the idea that im a who. e even tho im a virgin
Well recently he used it to harm me saying that im a who. e and that my fantasys are what i really want and that i should just sell my body already since i want it so much
I am in a relationship never have and never will cheat but in that moment i felt like that fantasy/kink made me into a cheater /who. e
And when im in moments that i feel like my sense of self is shattering again into pices i come back to your videos to see if my thoughts are rational
Thank you for helping me keep my self together
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So i have a grape fantasy that steam from trama of me being s-asulted but not graped as my family helped me before it got to far
Now i shared it with my closest friend and he knew that bc of that and the way people treat me i stuggled with the idea that im a who. e even tho im a virgin
Well recently he used it to harm me saying that im a who. e and that my fantasys are what i really want and that i should just sell my body already since i want it so much
I am in a relationship never have and never will cheat but in that moment i felt like that fantasy/kink made me into a cheater /who. e
And when im in moments that i feel like my sense of self is shattering again into pices i come back to your videos to see if my thoughts are rational
Thank you for helping me keep my self together
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NickNappi-j5o
Absolutely true. I am a member of the kink community and I absolutely agree with everything mentioned in this video. As someone who is a dominant in the kink community and has trauma I completely agree kink might help with trauma but it doesn’t fix it or cure it. I strongly believe in having help healing from trauma in other ways in addition to kink. For example I have a therapist that is supportive and non judgmental who I work on my trauma recovery with and I am more able to be there enough to play with other people in the dungeon because I am happy and more healthy. Also people who have judgements against kink please work on opening your mind and learning instead of believing misinformation or whatever you see on tv or in books and acting out on judgement and irrational fears.
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Absolutely true. I am a member of the kink community and I absolutely agree with everything mentioned in this video. As someone who is a dominant in the kink community and has trauma I completely agree kink might help with trauma but it doesn’t fix it or cure it. I strongly believe in having help healing from trauma in other ways in addition to kink. For example I have a therapist that is supportive and non judgmental who I work on my trauma recovery with and I am more able to be there enough to play with other people in the dungeon because I am happy and more healthy. Also people who have judgements against kink please work on opening your mind and learning instead of believing misinformation or whatever you see on tv or in books and acting out on judgement and irrational fears.
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psych2go
For me, I have two that might be somewhere between a kink and a fetish. One is what's called a vore fetish where I like to imagine being swallowed whole by an attractive woman and sensually digested. The other is what's commonly called a soft dommy mommy fetish where I like to imagine a tall, attractive woman gently dominating me in the bedroom. The former, I very distinctly remember beginning when I watched a specific episode of a cartoon in 3rd grade, the latter has developed over the years as somewhat of an offshoot of the former. I am VERY secretive with this information from anyone around me, but my curiosity and desire to understand why I am this way is insatiable. I sympathize with anyone who's struggling with their kink. Please know that you're not alone.
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For me, I have two that might be somewhere between a kink and a fetish. One is what's called a vore fetish where I like to imagine being swallowed whole by an attractive woman and sensually digested. The other is what's commonly called a soft dommy mommy fetish where I like to imagine a tall, attractive woman gently dominating me in the bedroom. The former, I very distinctly remember beginning when I watched a specific episode of a cartoon in 3rd grade, the latter has developed over the years as somewhat of an offshoot of the former. I am VERY secretive with this information from anyone around me, but my curiosity and desire to understand why I am this way is insatiable. I sympathize with anyone who's struggling with their kink. Please know that you're not alone.
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cratsnovember6357
I have seen people in the furry community who were shamed into becoming the exact thing people were afraid of.
If you're into that, you're a zoophile. is the exact phrase, when heard over and over again, that causes a person to question their own boundaries between fantasy and reality. If you keep calling a person a monster, they will eventually assume that they are one.
Talking about it without shame and exploring those weird thoughts is exactly what helps us understand reality from fiction. I swear, once Markaplier did the pokemon smash or pass the furry community started to heal from the puritan mindset.
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I have seen people in the furry community who were shamed into becoming the exact thing people were afraid of.
If you're into that, you're a zoophile. is the exact phrase, when heard over and over again, that causes a person to question their own boundaries between fantasy and reality. If you keep calling a person a monster, they will eventually assume that they are one.
Talking about it without shame and exploring those weird thoughts is exactly what helps us understand reality from fiction. I swear, once Markaplier did the pokemon smash or pass the furry community started to heal from the puritan mindset.
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Lucien. bunzyy
I have many kinks, but in some of them I'm being used as a plaything, being a vampire's doner and hostage, being a s3x slave, being dominated and touched, being a prisoner by for example pirates or a king/queen/royal person in power or being eaten whole and alive. In vore I feel there's a need for closeness and protection, because I'm a anxious person. I went through a lot of trauma as a kid, and sometimes feel there's something wrong with me for wanting to be treated like that. I don't want that - except for vore (I know it can't happen irl tho, I just love it) but I'm still concerned. Is this normal
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I have many kinks, but in some of them I'm being used as a plaything, being a vampire's doner and hostage, being a s3x slave, being dominated and touched, being a prisoner by for example pirates or a king/queen/royal person in power or being eaten whole and alive. In vore I feel there's a need for closeness and protection, because I'm a anxious person. I went through a lot of trauma as a kid, and sometimes feel there's something wrong with me for wanting to be treated like that. I don't want that - except for vore (I know it can't happen irl tho, I just love it) but I'm still concerned. Is this normal
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rileyrosewriter
Thanks for sharing. As a writer of BDSM fantasies (including male submission, one of the most common questions I get is men asking me what's wrong with me for enjoying your castration stories The answer is, as long as you can keep fantasy separated from reality, nothing is wrong with this. If my sales data is any indicator, men fantasizing about being castrated by a woman is a more common fantasy than most people would expect (even though, at face-value, it's an absolutely terrifying concept. I appreciate you diving in on the background of the kinks here.
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Thanks for sharing. As a writer of BDSM fantasies (including male submission, one of the most common questions I get is men asking me what's wrong with me for enjoying your castration stories The answer is, as long as you can keep fantasy separated from reality, nothing is wrong with this. If my sales data is any indicator, men fantasizing about being castrated by a woman is a more common fantasy than most people would expect (even though, at face-value, it's an absolutely terrifying concept. I appreciate you diving in on the background of the kinks here.
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psych2go
Would you mind if I'd ask this question What's psychological environment you see in a song like You always hurt the one you love I find something off with this song. It's not because of its use in Ruby Lane or Walten Flies fan made animation but the meaning itself is kinda problematic and hard to agree with but at the end of the day, I doubt actually what happened, especially when we see the kind of harm we experienced but all other good someone shouldn't have done for someone if that person doesn't love the other one. I hope you get what I'm asking about.
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Would you mind if I'd ask this question What's psychological environment you see in a song like You always hurt the one you love I find something off with this song. It's not because of its use in Ruby Lane or Walten Flies fan made animation but the meaning itself is kinda problematic and hard to agree with but at the end of the day, I doubt actually what happened, especially when we see the kind of harm we experienced but all other good someone shouldn't have done for someone if that person doesn't love the other one. I hope you get what I'm asking about.
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psych2go
I think the main thing is communication. If you don't feel safe telling your partner what you need, and keep it to yourself, that starts to build over time. Both parties deserve to feel pleasure, as long as whatever each one wants is consensual and not truly dangerous. I think a lot of marriages could be saved, if folks would just talk to each other about all of this. Especially since not all kinks are related to trauma. But even if some are, sometimes that's just who we are, and what we're into. We've healed the trauma, but still genuinely enjoy the kink.
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I think the main thing is communication. If you don't feel safe telling your partner what you need, and keep it to yourself, that starts to build over time. Both parties deserve to feel pleasure, as long as whatever each one wants is consensual and not truly dangerous. I think a lot of marriages could be saved, if folks would just talk to each other about all of this. Especially since not all kinks are related to trauma. But even if some are, sometimes that's just who we are, and what we're into. We've healed the trauma, but still genuinely enjoy the kink.
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swehumorofficial
We really need to normalize talking about kinks in the same way we talk about, say, preferences when it comes to food.
As long as it's not directly harmful to you or your partner(s, there should be no judgment - at worst, we should respond with I can't relate to that particular urge, but you do you. Some people like pineapple on pizza, just as some people like being tied up and tickled with a feather. If it doesn't directly affect or involve you, then why would you have the right to judge or shame them for it
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We really need to normalize talking about kinks in the same way we talk about, say, preferences when it comes to food.
As long as it's not directly harmful to you or your partner(s, there should be no judgment - at worst, we should respond with I can't relate to that particular urge, but you do you. Some people like pineapple on pizza, just as some people like being tied up and tickled with a feather. If it doesn't directly affect or involve you, then why would you have the right to judge or shame them for it
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nazmul9609
Hey everyone, I'm opening up about something personal here, and I'm curious to hear your thoughts. Recently, I've been feeling a strong desire for my wife to help me urinate, and this thought really turns me on. I understand this might not be everyone's cup of tea, and if you feel disgusted or have any critique, I'm open to hearing it - just please do so respectfully. I'm interested in understanding different perspectives. Thanks for reading, and I appreciate any constructive feedback or discussion.
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Hey everyone, I'm opening up about something personal here, and I'm curious to hear your thoughts. Recently, I've been feeling a strong desire for my wife to help me urinate, and this thought really turns me on. I understand this might not be everyone's cup of tea, and if you feel disgusted or have any critique, I'm open to hearing it - just please do so respectfully. I'm interested in understanding different perspectives. Thanks for reading, and I appreciate any constructive feedback or discussion.
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MorgueInTheVoid
Hot take here but I think shame is necessary in some circumstances. I think society as a whole has gotten too lenient and inclusive to the point where people are just saying be who you are! You're perfect no matter what! Even when they hear things that are morally very worrisome.
Shame exists for a reason. And if you're feeling shame, it's probably a good idea to ask yourself where that shame is coming from and why are the things youre into considered socially unacceptable
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Hot take here but I think shame is necessary in some circumstances. I think society as a whole has gotten too lenient and inclusive to the point where people are just saying be who you are! You're perfect no matter what! Even when they hear things that are morally very worrisome.
Shame exists for a reason. And if you're feeling shame, it's probably a good idea to ask yourself where that shame is coming from and why are the things youre into considered socially unacceptable
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ShawnShields-f2g
This totally makes sense. I was abused by a woman as a young boy. Now I have a kink that involves dominance of a woman. After giving it tons of thought, I have no desire to inflict real pain, but the playing out of it makes me feel in control again and I find it arousing. I believe the first thing led to the second. I wonder how to process what happened so that the kink no longer exists. I wonder if playing out the dominance role is a healthy way of dealing with the trauma
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This totally makes sense. I was abused by a woman as a young boy. Now I have a kink that involves dominance of a woman. After giving it tons of thought, I have no desire to inflict real pain, but the playing out of it makes me feel in control again and I find it arousing. I believe the first thing led to the second. I wonder how to process what happened so that the kink no longer exists. I wonder if playing out the dominance role is a healthy way of dealing with the trauma
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AsrielDreemurrHD
I have a desire/kink to
Name calling and Physical and Verbal Harm/Abuse (I know that’s horrible and insensitive) and it feels fulfilling, it feels as if some part of me is finally comfortable, relieved, and relaxed when it happens.
How would I go about addressing this issue. Should I get help or is this something to not be concerned with
Would like genuine help and advice please
It’s hard to explain without sounding like an A-hole to victims.
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I have a desire/kink to
Name calling and Physical and Verbal Harm/Abuse (I know that’s horrible and insensitive) and it feels fulfilling, it feels as if some part of me is finally comfortable, relieved, and relaxed when it happens.
How would I go about addressing this issue. Should I get help or is this something to not be concerned with
Would like genuine help and advice please
It’s hard to explain without sounding like an A-hole to victims.
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psych2go
I once had a girl who eanted to try shit with whipped cream, jam or nutella on bodies in bed but I refused because first imagine the mess, second i hate that greasy feeling on my body so I refused and all of a sudden i am the bad guy because I don't want to experiment. bih how about you start respecting other people being uneasy with something i'm not forcing you to be choked just because I like it
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I once had a girl who eanted to try shit with whipped cream, jam or nutella on bodies in bed but I refused because first imagine the mess, second i hate that greasy feeling on my body so I refused and all of a sudden i am the bad guy because I don't want to experiment. bih how about you start respecting other people being uneasy with something i'm not forcing you to be choked just because I like it
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HerzogZosa
i am. kinda aggree, but not to the fullest. pushing things into secrecy isnt necessarily a bad thing. having a kink that leads you outside for stuff, where others could see you doing that, is definetly something that belongs exaclty there: in the secret-department of a person. if you love to dress like a puppy for kinky roleplay: you do you - but inside your own 4 walls and not anywhere else.
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i am. kinda aggree, but not to the fullest. pushing things into secrecy isnt necessarily a bad thing. having a kink that leads you outside for stuff, where others could see you doing that, is definetly something that belongs exaclty there: in the secret-department of a person. if you love to dress like a puppy for kinky roleplay: you do you - but inside your own 4 walls and not anywhere else.
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