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zakruti.com » Humor, fun and entertainment » Polygon
Spider-Man Is (Definitely Not) Murdering People

Spider-Man Is (Definitely Not) Murdering People

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Rating: 4.0; Vote: 1
Sure, Spider-Man has some intense fighting techniques, but there's no way he's ACTUALLY murdering people, right? Right? Brian David Gilbert tries his best to justify some of Spider-Man's more murder-y moves in Marvel's Spider-Man. Here's 13 non-violent ways that Spider-Man pacifies people
Date: 2023-12-10

Comments and reviews: 30


Well there-s a lot more ways to kill in Spiderman ps4 wedding them to a train track and train runs over them Webbing them into a fire and watch them burn wedding then under the water outside of the city and wait for them to drown throws them off a building and then the force of them hitting the building will break there back and kill em The finisher where Spiderman Miles Morales break someone-s neck with a kick have 2 web traps on two sides of the wall and when someone hits the blue line their arms will be ripped off by the web webbing someone to a door and when someone opens the door for a next wave they will get ripped in half throw someone off ability and then keep kicking them until they get so far from a building that they cannot web onto any building in fall to the death web someone onto the hood of the train and they will be on the train until the end of time or until the glitch out of existence A rocket launcher is coming at you and you pull someone towards you and having them getting rocket launchered throwing a riot shield at someone-s head the finisher where Spiderman throws a bad guy and pulls him on top of his neck kill him swing kicking a bad guy which will push and break the rib cage killing him knock a bad guy out and then use the venom power to venom smash the ground until they-re dead that is in miles Morales throwing a bad guy onto the tip of the fence and the tip of the fence will impale them this one is in miles Morales Electrocute them with that one web and use the venom blast which will electrocute them to death Wiping someone to a trashcan and then throwing the trashcan having them glitched inside a wall where they will suffocate this one is in miles Morales Web someone to metal poles and pull the metal pole down Wedding someone to a car and when you stop the car after they tried to escape then the person you went to the car has already been glitched inside of the car suffocating in death does he really think that diving under someone so they can get shot instead does he think that bullets don-t kill because I want to see him get shot and then he still says that Webbing someone to a car and the car crashes into a wall Webbing someone to the side of the car and then flip the car to see if someone will also crushing the person you webbed Throw someone off of our building and then they will get webs on to the street lamp sometimes and the street lamp will stab them web someone onto the back of the car and then in a kidnapping mission when you open the back part of the car the person you webbed there will be ripped in half EXPLAIN THIS SPIDER-MAN
Spider-Man: uh uh -Runs away

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I just got the spiderman for ps4 and before playing i though - oh well sure you CAN kill enemies but that's the player choice and it's not like the game will reward you for it- and then as i started to play: there's ocasions where throw enemies out of a building is actually a bonus objective. so i guess the game will reward you for killing
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I mean self defence is the only real excuse legally and all needs. He is clearly using reasonable force given normally -unarmed- vs folk trying to kill you. Things like sliding under a guys legs as shot if not for self defence you'd very possibly get manslaughter for the fact you know a bunch of bullets will likely kill someone
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Let's not forget throwing thugs off a tall building, only for them to be yanked at the side of the nearest building by a web, which dissolves in a few hours, which I'm quite sure the emergency services won't have time to save what with the so many thugs being thrown off buildings in such a short time.
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Also something I like to do- I mean something Spider-man can do in the game is tie people with webs to throwable objects like those mailbox things in the street and then throw those things at a wall or at the floor at full speed. Seems pretty damaging.
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BDG is playing a lawyer who doesn't know what the phrase -the banality of evil- means, and is just doing his job trying desperately to explain how Spiderman is definitely not a murderer. It's fine though, he probably has a family to support or whatever.
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There's also the fact that the -safety web- doesn't seem to work like half. like 90% of the time. In fact it seems like the higher up you are the less likely it is to work, I guess it's not murder if you don't see them hit the ground?
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A hand reaches into your window to pull you out your seat.
In your last moments as you travel unwillingly towards the wall on which you will make impact with and die a horrible death you regret not wearing a seatbelt.
(RIP you)

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I just starting replaying after no way home and I-m using Tasm suit and just pretending it-s Andrew-s Spider-Man story after he stopped pulling punches and man some of the moves in this game make it so easy to believe it
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Reminds me of how Aang is throwing people down mountains, sinking ships and destroying blimps the entire series but then the last two episodes he is like -I don-t kill people! 11! 1! 1! 1! -
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Your Honour, it was the knife that murdered him, I may hae thrusted it directily into his chest but I made no contact, only the knife did. May I suggest a life sentence (for the knife?
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the -snap neck- finisher is actually him positioning his opponents' fists and yanking them backwards to make them knock themselves out. still pretty messed but not murder
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This is why I miss the Spider-Man 2 ps2 sometimes.
At least they-re honest about killing & let us perform Pile driver from the top of. Empire State Building

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What if Spider-Man threw a thug off the building but instead of the wall the web decided to attach to the ground and pull them down faster? Just asking for a friend.
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look, would you question someone who is basically an extremely strong human-shaped spider that can come from another street to web you and then snap your head?
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Well it-s not murder because it-s ok to kill people if you-re in a Spider-Man costume, or is that only in Texas and Oklahoma? Idk I-m not a lawyer
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Just a taser on steroids. Yeh so something that already kills many people and ruins health of many more but on steroids. That's double death
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Even when they're webbed to a wall, that webbing dissolves in an hour. Do you really think the cops can reach those guys within an hour?
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sir i didn't kill anyone i just pressed a button on a gun really its the person i payed to put the bullets in the guns fault your honor
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When you're climbing up the long elevator shafts and do ledge takedowns while the elevators are in motion DEFINITELY kills people
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He forgot the best way Spiderman definitely doesn-t murder people
That being, webbing a man to the floor of a pool full of water

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So either spiderman is a spider themed vigilante serial killer.
Or the new York criminal element is ridiculously overpowered.

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I know this whole video is a joke but I'm fairly certain the -snapping neck finisher- is just Spider-Man making a dude punch himself
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matt murdok: im a really good lawyer
also matt murdok: spider man mudered some one who deserved it, so who fukin cares?

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Brian, you've been brainwashed by the media into defending Spider-Man! Can't you see what he is?
HE'S A MENACE!

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I always thought that the -snapping neck finisher- was spidey making they hit themselves in their face with their own fist
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bdg gaslights you for 4 minutes on your first date because you mentioned andrew garfield is your favourite mcu spiderman
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The snapping neck finisher is actually Spidey making the guy hit themself with their fist. Completely non-lethal, probably!
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If they didn't wanna die then they. Shouldn't have. Don't the. Uhhhh. Done the crime.
I'm very good at rhyming

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Rare clip of Brian before he went mad and started analyzing the Geneva Convention and solving the Zelda timeline
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