Unsupportive Parents and Toxic Environments - Draftsmen S1E08 - Proko
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Date: 2022-03-14
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Comments and reviews: 10
Ennius
I dealt with an unsupportive environment by becoming as self-destructive as I can get. I made it clear to them that whatever they are doing, it's not good for me. I eventually just broke down on how I do not really care anymore about achievements and I do not have aspirations at all. I told my parents that I do not care what I will and will not achieve in life. I told them that I feel like I am nothing and I will never be happy either way. That I have been following what others say for the whole 20 years of my life and I have not decided on anything big up until now. I told them that I will decide on what I want to be, no matter how much I will suffer. Damn everyone who judges my life, the hell do they know about me anyway. People can say I am unsuccessful or whatever. I do not care.
After that. My parents, who only had good intentions to me. They never told me what to do with my life. I get to decide what I want to do with it now. And you know the most screwed up thing about the whole ordeal?
I spent a week feeling bad that they will not tell me what to do now. The mindset of having others decide for me is so ingrained in me that I feel like I cannot decide on anything correctly like my own decisions are always wrong. Like every decision that I make for myself is wrong. Hell, I even quit a stable job because I felt like it went against the predetermined path that people decided I should take. It was that bad. It was a shell that I needed to get out of. I knew they were just protecting me. But I emerged so goddamned weak I can't even properly decide for myself. Nevertheless, I am now building myself up as a stronger human being.
I love my parents still. And I wish I found a better way to tell them. But it was probably the best to break down. Make them realize that they have to eventually let me decide on my own or else the self-destructive stuff I said will eventually come true. I have an aspiration. But I cannot say it in words. I still have to work on the courage to express it as I mean it. It's something that I locked inside me of for protection.
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I dealt with an unsupportive environment by becoming as self-destructive as I can get. I made it clear to them that whatever they are doing, it's not good for me. I eventually just broke down on how I do not really care anymore about achievements and I do not have aspirations at all. I told my parents that I do not care what I will and will not achieve in life. I told them that I feel like I am nothing and I will never be happy either way. That I have been following what others say for the whole 20 years of my life and I have not decided on anything big up until now. I told them that I will decide on what I want to be, no matter how much I will suffer. Damn everyone who judges my life, the hell do they know about me anyway. People can say I am unsuccessful or whatever. I do not care.
After that. My parents, who only had good intentions to me. They never told me what to do with my life. I get to decide what I want to do with it now. And you know the most screwed up thing about the whole ordeal?
I spent a week feeling bad that they will not tell me what to do now. The mindset of having others decide for me is so ingrained in me that I feel like I cannot decide on anything correctly like my own decisions are always wrong. Like every decision that I make for myself is wrong. Hell, I even quit a stable job because I felt like it went against the predetermined path that people decided I should take. It was that bad. It was a shell that I needed to get out of. I knew they were just protecting me. But I emerged so goddamned weak I can't even properly decide for myself. Nevertheless, I am now building myself up as a stronger human being.
I love my parents still. And I wish I found a better way to tell them. But it was probably the best to break down. Make them realize that they have to eventually let me decide on my own or else the self-destructive stuff I said will eventually come true. I have an aspiration. But I cannot say it in words. I still have to work on the courage to express it as I mean it. It's something that I locked inside me of for protection.
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MGM
This was a bit painful to watch.
I decided not to attend art high school and art college (we have both in my country) because I knew it would hurt my parents. They were all about 'real jobs' like medicine, engineering, economy etc. So I went to other schools and got a degree just to make them happy. I even did that other job for 6-7 years because that's what you do after you get your degree. But I couldn't live like that and at the end - art found me. I've started with some design for friends, then move onto illustration. I've had some talent, that's true, but I was daring, passionate and hard working, so I managed to find some clients and finish first gigs, and that's how I got hooked and started searching for more and more jobs.
Today I live my childhood dream and I work as a full time illustrator. Almost nobody believed in me and they probably thought I would fail. But I didn't. I think the big part of my success is that passion I felt towards art and illustration. I wanted to do SO MUCH, I wanted to draw so many stuff, to try everything, every kind of drawing, painting, illustrations and projects, because I felt there is a sleeping volcano in me which waited to errupt. I had so much to tell, and I couldn't speak for 15 years because I had to spend my time doing other stuff to make other people happy. But once I started - it was hard to stop me. In a way - I think that unsupportive environment in which I grew up actually did good for me, and pushed me to try to find the way to get that all out. The only thing I regret is missing the art school because I know I would enjoy it much more than I enjoyed schools I have attended instead.
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This was a bit painful to watch.
I decided not to attend art high school and art college (we have both in my country) because I knew it would hurt my parents. They were all about 'real jobs' like medicine, engineering, economy etc. So I went to other schools and got a degree just to make them happy. I even did that other job for 6-7 years because that's what you do after you get your degree. But I couldn't live like that and at the end - art found me. I've started with some design for friends, then move onto illustration. I've had some talent, that's true, but I was daring, passionate and hard working, so I managed to find some clients and finish first gigs, and that's how I got hooked and started searching for more and more jobs.
Today I live my childhood dream and I work as a full time illustrator. Almost nobody believed in me and they probably thought I would fail. But I didn't. I think the big part of my success is that passion I felt towards art and illustration. I wanted to do SO MUCH, I wanted to draw so many stuff, to try everything, every kind of drawing, painting, illustrations and projects, because I felt there is a sleeping volcano in me which waited to errupt. I had so much to tell, and I couldn't speak for 15 years because I had to spend my time doing other stuff to make other people happy. But once I started - it was hard to stop me. In a way - I think that unsupportive environment in which I grew up actually did good for me, and pushed me to try to find the way to get that all out. The only thing I regret is missing the art school because I know I would enjoy it much more than I enjoyed schools I have attended instead.
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Wow this just hit me right now. Ever since I found out of my talent when I was 9 years old, my parents have never been really that supportive of me and they banned me to draw for years. But since I'm hard-headed, I still draw in secret, like in school but never in front of them. I also bought art materials in secret with the money I saved. Eventually they found out about it and unfortunately they also found out that my grades dropped in 4th year HS (I was supposed to be the 1st in our class but I only landed on the 3rd place. They blamed me for drawing all the time and not studying. They really got angry at that time that they burned my art materials and merchandise. I was devastated that I ran away from home, I don't want to be controlled again, but my father beg me to go back, so I did. Fast forward, I'm a nurse now per their request as my premed course. I just finished my admission exam for med school and I was able to get a very high score, and they were elated by this and they told me I can draw! And they even initiated to buy me some art materials. I was somehow happy but I'm not drawing. I'm procrastinating. I'm watching a lot of art videos and anime, read a lot of manga, and engage with other artists in instagram but nothing really pushes me to draw again. I don't know why but I somehow feel guilty and confused. I hope I can get through this because I'm wasting precious time.
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Wow this just hit me right now. Ever since I found out of my talent when I was 9 years old, my parents have never been really that supportive of me and they banned me to draw for years. But since I'm hard-headed, I still draw in secret, like in school but never in front of them. I also bought art materials in secret with the money I saved. Eventually they found out about it and unfortunately they also found out that my grades dropped in 4th year HS (I was supposed to be the 1st in our class but I only landed on the 3rd place. They blamed me for drawing all the time and not studying. They really got angry at that time that they burned my art materials and merchandise. I was devastated that I ran away from home, I don't want to be controlled again, but my father beg me to go back, so I did. Fast forward, I'm a nurse now per their request as my premed course. I just finished my admission exam for med school and I was able to get a very high score, and they were elated by this and they told me I can draw! And they even initiated to buy me some art materials. I was somehow happy but I'm not drawing. I'm procrastinating. I'm watching a lot of art videos and anime, read a lot of manga, and engage with other artists in instagram but nothing really pushes me to draw again. I don't know why but I somehow feel guilty and confused. I hope I can get through this because I'm wasting precious time.
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Shan
I don't kow if there was unsupportive invrionment. there was just never a real chance we havent even a art teacher at the scool, i mean he technical was there but olways drunk. to get pincels for scool the parents needet to drive over 200 km. We were living in a villige. There was abusing and punishment in my childhood just for everything that i didnt overcome even yet. The opinion about beeing an artist was like had a chance to be an Astronaut. Until i was 18 years i didnt even Spoke, read or even understood English
i learned it by my self in 2 years. I learned german in 1 year. 3 months ago i started to learn Drawning by my self. i dont want to take the shortcut to get good artist in 2 weeks: . Im already 31 maybe i will not even become a good artist. But Your videos about anatomy and basic Drawning are Really helpful. few Days Ago i was payed for making some Emotes for twitch: ) small project about 80 dollars. -Proko Today i thought about an Art Studio That would be with Big windows even the whole walls would made of Glass so the Sun can FLooding the Whole Studio. For Evryone i hope u will reach your dream no matter what or who will try to stop it from doing to it
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I don't kow if there was unsupportive invrionment. there was just never a real chance we havent even a art teacher at the scool, i mean he technical was there but olways drunk. to get pincels for scool the parents needet to drive over 200 km. We were living in a villige. There was abusing and punishment in my childhood just for everything that i didnt overcome even yet. The opinion about beeing an artist was like had a chance to be an Astronaut. Until i was 18 years i didnt even Spoke, read or even understood English
i learned it by my self in 2 years. I learned german in 1 year. 3 months ago i started to learn Drawning by my self. i dont want to take the shortcut to get good artist in 2 weeks: . Im already 31 maybe i will not even become a good artist. But Your videos about anatomy and basic Drawning are Really helpful. few Days Ago i was payed for making some Emotes for twitch: ) small project about 80 dollars. -Proko Today i thought about an Art Studio That would be with Big windows even the whole walls would made of Glass so the Sun can FLooding the Whole Studio. For Evryone i hope u will reach your dream no matter what or who will try to stop it from doing to it
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chaintedgrind
28 years in this life.
I read some of these stories here and I am quite moved, an emotion emerges from me so here's my story.
I hate that I'm not an artist yet, ironically I found support now after being with my lovely wife but both my parents have made a point to ignore my dreams of becoming an artist.
In my past I have been selected and participated in the National Art Olympic for grade 11 and grade 12, which are the only entry years.
While that felt great I still lacked the motivation to pull through with art after highschool due to believing that I will not make it and that I will end up a starving artist.
I feel like because I was recognized at an early time in my development that I became sloppy and that's on me.
After what seems like too many years spent in between finding a career that fits I started seeing my path as a jack of all trades and a master of none.
I now feel like I have something to prove to my self and I can only pray that I can structure a plan of action to last me just enough for me to master at least the basics of drawing and paint.
It would be sweet to look back at this comment and say, I made it!
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28 years in this life.
I read some of these stories here and I am quite moved, an emotion emerges from me so here's my story.
I hate that I'm not an artist yet, ironically I found support now after being with my lovely wife but both my parents have made a point to ignore my dreams of becoming an artist.
In my past I have been selected and participated in the National Art Olympic for grade 11 and grade 12, which are the only entry years.
While that felt great I still lacked the motivation to pull through with art after highschool due to believing that I will not make it and that I will end up a starving artist.
I feel like because I was recognized at an early time in my development that I became sloppy and that's on me.
After what seems like too many years spent in between finding a career that fits I started seeing my path as a jack of all trades and a master of none.
I now feel like I have something to prove to my self and I can only pray that I can structure a plan of action to last me just enough for me to master at least the basics of drawing and paint.
It would be sweet to look back at this comment and say, I made it!
reply
Julien
As far as I can remember, my mother was the most supportive person in the family (we are three boys, one is in animation and the third one left graphic design because of toxic bosses )
But I remember very well that I struggle soooo much to receive approval from my father. It totally changed the day I had my first job as a Background artist (wich actually was just fixing background because a chinese company as left a production before the end, so we replace them and try to save what left XD)
We had our first real conversation from a father to his -growing son- (I was almost 30)
The thing is that my grand father was an accomplished artist and cartoonist. He worked with severale great cartoonist from the 40 - 50's like Franquin, Morris and so forth, but he was also alchoolic which put my father who was the eldest of the familly in the position of -Bread Winner- as my grand father wasn't always able to work.
And so I remind clearly that for few years when I desperatly tried to learn everything was quite chaos around me.
I will never be able to thanks my Mom for her help and believe in her kids.
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As far as I can remember, my mother was the most supportive person in the family (we are three boys, one is in animation and the third one left graphic design because of toxic bosses )
But I remember very well that I struggle soooo much to receive approval from my father. It totally changed the day I had my first job as a Background artist (wich actually was just fixing background because a chinese company as left a production before the end, so we replace them and try to save what left XD)
We had our first real conversation from a father to his -growing son- (I was almost 30)
The thing is that my grand father was an accomplished artist and cartoonist. He worked with severale great cartoonist from the 40 - 50's like Franquin, Morris and so forth, but he was also alchoolic which put my father who was the eldest of the familly in the position of -Bread Winner- as my grand father wasn't always able to work.
And so I remind clearly that for few years when I desperatly tried to learn everything was quite chaos around me.
I will never be able to thanks my Mom for her help and believe in her kids.
reply
hapjiwaya
Hi guys. First of all, nice video. You're cool and wise, I really envoy watching you.
Here are my two cents about toxic environment:
For 5 years now, I've been struggling with art school in France, finding no one to truly understand me. I'm kinda an outcast. That's how I feel. From my point of view, other students are not relatable at all. We don't share the same dreams/ambitions, things like -art parents-, cultural values etc are different too.
Feeling so very alone when dealing with art is so fcking difficult. I have an adorable girlfriend and a supportive family, god thanks.
But I'm like: that's not the community I want to belong to. And I'm afraid as hell about my future career because of that.
I think I should travel a bit. I'm so tired of France and Paris. The mentality around there. so boring. It's juste about faking a big ego, about being hot and hype, about -wow my life is so complicated but I'm a survivor- kind of thing.
Whatever.
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Hi guys. First of all, nice video. You're cool and wise, I really envoy watching you.
Here are my two cents about toxic environment:
For 5 years now, I've been struggling with art school in France, finding no one to truly understand me. I'm kinda an outcast. That's how I feel. From my point of view, other students are not relatable at all. We don't share the same dreams/ambitions, things like -art parents-, cultural values etc are different too.
Feeling so very alone when dealing with art is so fcking difficult. I have an adorable girlfriend and a supportive family, god thanks.
But I'm like: that's not the community I want to belong to. And I'm afraid as hell about my future career because of that.
I think I should travel a bit. I'm so tired of France and Paris. The mentality around there. so boring. It's juste about faking a big ego, about being hot and hype, about -wow my life is so complicated but I'm a survivor- kind of thing.
Whatever.
reply
Raven
Im 23 and I have a mom who is kind of like 50/50. like. she partially supports my art. but at the same time she sees no hope in me and she wants me to work -regular- jobs. for the past few years I've been working regular jobs that were seasonal. and Everytime I tried applying for a full time job. no one ever hires me. it's just really frustrating. lately I've been trying my hardest to get my art out there more. but as I'm doing that. my mom thinks I'm sitting in my room doing nothing. even though I'm trying to get my art out there. today we even got into a massive argument and I just completely broke down crying cause I wanted to give up on art so bad cause I feel stuck. I told my brother about it and he sent me this video. this video was such a good video. I actually feel kinda better after seeing this - I'm hoping one day my mom will realize that working a miserable normal boring job isn't the answer to everything.
reply
Im 23 and I have a mom who is kind of like 50/50. like. she partially supports my art. but at the same time she sees no hope in me and she wants me to work -regular- jobs. for the past few years I've been working regular jobs that were seasonal. and Everytime I tried applying for a full time job. no one ever hires me. it's just really frustrating. lately I've been trying my hardest to get my art out there more. but as I'm doing that. my mom thinks I'm sitting in my room doing nothing. even though I'm trying to get my art out there. today we even got into a massive argument and I just completely broke down crying cause I wanted to give up on art so bad cause I feel stuck. I told my brother about it and he sent me this video. this video was such a good video. I actually feel kinda better after seeing this - I'm hoping one day my mom will realize that working a miserable normal boring job isn't the answer to everything.
reply
Christai
I can relate so much to this topic. I have parents who discouraged me on pursuing the art career. One time my family laughed at me because I'm too childish on having interest in cartoons and comics books. When I was taking nursing in college, I struggled so much. I knew I didn't want to see myself as a nurse but I sucked it up and think that I will have a brighter future. Now I'm a nurse, the work environment is very stressful, and I felt depress for a period of time. Being around people who are overworked, frustrated, and would be mean sometimes out of stress. It's not the kind of person I want to become. But I need to sacrifice for the future of our family. Once I became stable, I really want to give it my art career a shot and be a part of the community who loves art and pop culture. I will try to slowly transition in changing careers. I wish I won't lose hope in the future.
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I can relate so much to this topic. I have parents who discouraged me on pursuing the art career. One time my family laughed at me because I'm too childish on having interest in cartoons and comics books. When I was taking nursing in college, I struggled so much. I knew I didn't want to see myself as a nurse but I sucked it up and think that I will have a brighter future. Now I'm a nurse, the work environment is very stressful, and I felt depress for a period of time. Being around people who are overworked, frustrated, and would be mean sometimes out of stress. It's not the kind of person I want to become. But I need to sacrifice for the future of our family. Once I became stable, I really want to give it my art career a shot and be a part of the community who loves art and pop culture. I will try to slowly transition in changing careers. I wish I won't lose hope in the future.
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rita
So my parents aren't really happy about me going into art although they do support me, a little. Its just sometimes the kind of things they say about art is really hurtful. They also have said that they don't care what I do for a living and that all they want is for me to be successful and yet they tried every way acceptable to keep me away from art. They also on multiple occasions have said that I am the black sheep of the family and have compared my behavior to that of all the people they know that have failed in life. Its really confusing to be honest, but even if they are prejudiced against it at the very least I can do what I want. Also I'm really bad at studies, like REALLY bad, so I guess they had no choice.
Also I come from a family of engineers, doctors or government/economy but not a single artist.
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So my parents aren't really happy about me going into art although they do support me, a little. Its just sometimes the kind of things they say about art is really hurtful. They also have said that they don't care what I do for a living and that all they want is for me to be successful and yet they tried every way acceptable to keep me away from art. They also on multiple occasions have said that I am the black sheep of the family and have compared my behavior to that of all the people they know that have failed in life. Its really confusing to be honest, but even if they are prejudiced against it at the very least I can do what I want. Also I'm really bad at studies, like REALLY bad, so I guess they had no choice.
Also I come from a family of engineers, doctors or government/economy but not a single artist.
reply
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