6 Signs You're Manipulative Without Realizing It
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
NH
For number two, I did some thinking. And this is how I personally see it.
It is all in the motives. The act of pulling away from someone treads a very very thin line, bordering on manipulation. But sometimes it is necessary. You must ask yourself an important question: why am I pulling away from them? Give yourself some time to reflect on your reasoning, put yourself in their shoes, and consider what you are about to do, because it is a very weighty decision. Here are a few justified reasons I can think of:
- They seriously hurt me or someone else physically, psychologically, or emotionally, so I want to prevent it from happening to me (again)
- They act in ways that puts themselves and the people around them in great danger
- They are unapologetic and/or manipulative
Inversely, here are some reasons that I don't believe are justified:
- They did something hurtful to me, so I want to pull away to make them feel hurt
- They aren't giving me enough attention, so I want to make them chase after my affection
- I don't want to admit that I made a mistake or was wrong, so I want to hurt them instead of coming clean
Of course, it will always be a case by case thing to determine whether it is right or wrong, but the thing to remember is always place your safety and health above your relationships with other people. And to never pull away with the intent to hurt.
If you decide to break things off or pull away from someone (perhaps you just need some space to reflect and recoup, you can try to make the other person hurt less by doing a few things:
- give them closure. Be honest with them of why you are doing what you're doing. Don't ever leave them wondering what they did wrong.
- let them down easy, if possible. Don't just suddenly pull away from them, that will just make them feel empty and broken. Try to be there for the other person and comfort them through the heartbreak. Just because you two are no longer what you were before, doesn't mean you necessarily need to give them the cold shoulder. Remind them that they are loved and that they have other friends they can turn to. Remind them that they still matter, even if your relationship with them isn't what it was before.
- be conscious of any mental complications they may have. A person with depression may take a lot more delicacy and care.
However, in doing these things, don't allow them to manipulate you. And if the situation is extreme enough, you aren't obligated to do these things by any means. Again, prioritize your own safety first above all else.
This is just my take on this. Please feel free to let me know how you think about it. We are all in this together.
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For number two, I did some thinking. And this is how I personally see it.
It is all in the motives. The act of pulling away from someone treads a very very thin line, bordering on manipulation. But sometimes it is necessary. You must ask yourself an important question: why am I pulling away from them? Give yourself some time to reflect on your reasoning, put yourself in their shoes, and consider what you are about to do, because it is a very weighty decision. Here are a few justified reasons I can think of:
- They seriously hurt me or someone else physically, psychologically, or emotionally, so I want to prevent it from happening to me (again)
- They act in ways that puts themselves and the people around them in great danger
- They are unapologetic and/or manipulative
Inversely, here are some reasons that I don't believe are justified:
- They did something hurtful to me, so I want to pull away to make them feel hurt
- They aren't giving me enough attention, so I want to make them chase after my affection
- I don't want to admit that I made a mistake or was wrong, so I want to hurt them instead of coming clean
Of course, it will always be a case by case thing to determine whether it is right or wrong, but the thing to remember is always place your safety and health above your relationships with other people. And to never pull away with the intent to hurt.
If you decide to break things off or pull away from someone (perhaps you just need some space to reflect and recoup, you can try to make the other person hurt less by doing a few things:
- give them closure. Be honest with them of why you are doing what you're doing. Don't ever leave them wondering what they did wrong.
- let them down easy, if possible. Don't just suddenly pull away from them, that will just make them feel empty and broken. Try to be there for the other person and comfort them through the heartbreak. Just because you two are no longer what you were before, doesn't mean you necessarily need to give them the cold shoulder. Remind them that they are loved and that they have other friends they can turn to. Remind them that they still matter, even if your relationship with them isn't what it was before.
- be conscious of any mental complications they may have. A person with depression may take a lot more delicacy and care.
However, in doing these things, don't allow them to manipulate you. And if the situation is extreme enough, you aren't obligated to do these things by any means. Again, prioritize your own safety first above all else.
This is just my take on this. Please feel free to let me know how you think about it. We are all in this together.
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Misha
I get really jealous, upset, angry whenever someone complains about something that bothers them, which if it would happen to me, I'd be jumping from happiness.
So I start ignoring and distancing myself away from these people. I start feeling disgusted when I'm around them. One time, I literally ran away from my friend in. I couldn't bare even looking at her face.
Whenever someone gets injured, I wish it was me. No because I like pain, or because I care for that person. It just makes me feel awkward that they're in pain. Not even worry, just awkward.
I express gratitude and affection through giving someone food, but get offended if they give me food. (It somehow just feels like an insult)
Some people think I'm best friends with them, but in reality, I'm just being nice and wait for them to leave. To me they're just someone I know.
When it comes to what I want, I express it directly only if my life depends on it, an everytime I opened up to someone, I got pushed back. People can say worse than no.
The only friends I consider real are the ones I make online, I feel worry for them, care for them, I love listening to them, talking to them brings me happiness. They just feel real.
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I get really jealous, upset, angry whenever someone complains about something that bothers them, which if it would happen to me, I'd be jumping from happiness.
So I start ignoring and distancing myself away from these people. I start feeling disgusted when I'm around them. One time, I literally ran away from my friend in. I couldn't bare even looking at her face.
Whenever someone gets injured, I wish it was me. No because I like pain, or because I care for that person. It just makes me feel awkward that they're in pain. Not even worry, just awkward.
I express gratitude and affection through giving someone food, but get offended if they give me food. (It somehow just feels like an insult)
Some people think I'm best friends with them, but in reality, I'm just being nice and wait for them to leave. To me they're just someone I know.
When it comes to what I want, I express it directly only if my life depends on it, an everytime I opened up to someone, I got pushed back. People can say worse than no.
The only friends I consider real are the ones I make online, I feel worry for them, care for them, I love listening to them, talking to them brings me happiness. They just feel real.
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psych2go
I had a really bad childhood being the manipulated one and after this video I just realised I am a giant manipulator I just saw myself in everything here and I do it unconsciously and also Im a adhd and autist and Im really depressed and I have anxiety and Im also mentally sick yeah as you hear Im deep down the road and Im trying to get up just after this video I realise I dont have to use friends as puppets and instead actually let them self control how they help me let them be them and not puppets I shape the way I want Im happy I found this video bc even tho Im really good at hiding that Im manipulative and also making them think that its their own actions and choices they take when they are with but what Im trying to say here is thanks for making me realise I think Im one step up the road now thank you s9 much
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I had a really bad childhood being the manipulated one and after this video I just realised I am a giant manipulator I just saw myself in everything here and I do it unconsciously and also Im a adhd and autist and Im really depressed and I have anxiety and Im also mentally sick yeah as you hear Im deep down the road and Im trying to get up just after this video I realise I dont have to use friends as puppets and instead actually let them self control how they help me let them be them and not puppets I shape the way I want Im happy I found this video bc even tho Im really good at hiding that Im manipulative and also making them think that its their own actions and choices they take when they are with but what Im trying to say here is thanks for making me realise I think Im one step up the road now thank you s9 much
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Joma
I figured out I was a generally manipulative person years ago, and worked to temper it ever since. And now I know that it stems from me being a bit of a know it all. So thats good to know. What makes it so hard to catch in yourself is that most human communications is in a sense about manipulating others. Be it getting them to talk and reveal information or convince them of something and stuff like that. I can even frame the fact that Ive helped friends out of tricky situations as manipulating them into picking the solution I considered the best. It just depends on the amount of empathy you put into it and how many boundaries you cross while doing it (should be very few ideally. Kind of cold putting it like that, but a healthy dose of empathy generally does the trick.
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I figured out I was a generally manipulative person years ago, and worked to temper it ever since. And now I know that it stems from me being a bit of a know it all. So thats good to know. What makes it so hard to catch in yourself is that most human communications is in a sense about manipulating others. Be it getting them to talk and reveal information or convince them of something and stuff like that. I can even frame the fact that Ive helped friends out of tricky situations as manipulating them into picking the solution I considered the best. It just depends on the amount of empathy you put into it and how many boundaries you cross while doing it (should be very few ideally. Kind of cold putting it like that, but a healthy dose of empathy generally does the trick.
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Diksha
Hard to believe, i do match all the signs! It's not like i didn't know. To be frank, i did know i was manipulating, but i kinda said to myself i wasn't. Fortunately, even when i do match all the signs mentioned, i conceal my real self, the manipulator inside me, from majority of people. I still do feel like saying that manipulation is bad isn't completely correct. Ofc i wouldn't like to be manipulative towards whom i love, you only do that when you're manipulating unconsciously. If you do realize that you have the rare skill to manipulate, you can subtly use it to succeed in your career and even life. In the messed-up world, you gotta do some messed up stuff sometimes. And yes, i am morally gray and believe it's, indeed, okay to be.
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Hard to believe, i do match all the signs! It's not like i didn't know. To be frank, i did know i was manipulating, but i kinda said to myself i wasn't. Fortunately, even when i do match all the signs mentioned, i conceal my real self, the manipulator inside me, from majority of people. I still do feel like saying that manipulation is bad isn't completely correct. Ofc i wouldn't like to be manipulative towards whom i love, you only do that when you're manipulating unconsciously. If you do realize that you have the rare skill to manipulate, you can subtly use it to succeed in your career and even life. In the messed-up world, you gotta do some messed up stuff sometimes. And yes, i am morally gray and believe it's, indeed, okay to be.
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Michelle
1. Being a know it all.
I used to be like that. Had to outgrow it and
2. You shower someone with affection but pull back if they do something wrong.
I am guilty of this. It is a faulty coping mechanism I used to protect
3. Youre very adamant about getting what you want.
4. Jealousy makes you do problematic things.
I struggle with jealousy as a feeling, and I do struggle with handling my behavior as a result.
5. You never say what you want outright.
This is definitely something I struggle with.
6. You use relationships as bait.
I dont do this. I dont think this tactic will actually get anyone to do what I want.
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1. Being a know it all.
I used to be like that. Had to outgrow it and
2. You shower someone with affection but pull back if they do something wrong.
I am guilty of this. It is a faulty coping mechanism I used to protect
3. Youre very adamant about getting what you want.
4. Jealousy makes you do problematic things.
I struggle with jealousy as a feeling, and I do struggle with handling my behavior as a result.
5. You never say what you want outright.
This is definitely something I struggle with.
6. You use relationships as bait.
I dont do this. I dont think this tactic will actually get anyone to do what I want.
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olimanrules
I relate to 5 and 6 the most. Im always apologizing for any needs that I have and say things so indirectly that its annoying to the people I cherish most, and I know its annoying to them because they will tell me to stop being sorry for everything. And then with 6, I really have learned to stop and take a breath and realize that Im not OWED anything and that the people in my life are going through things as much as I am. Its a weird middle ground that Im currently dealing with when asking for help with my needs and also respecting peoples decisions/needs when they cannot provide for my own needs. Idk weird wording but word vomit I guess
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I relate to 5 and 6 the most. Im always apologizing for any needs that I have and say things so indirectly that its annoying to the people I cherish most, and I know its annoying to them because they will tell me to stop being sorry for everything. And then with 6, I really have learned to stop and take a breath and realize that Im not OWED anything and that the people in my life are going through things as much as I am. Its a weird middle ground that Im currently dealing with when asking for help with my needs and also respecting peoples decisions/needs when they cannot provide for my own needs. Idk weird wording but word vomit I guess
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education
Can someone pls explain #2 a bit more? Sometimes when someone hurts me I really don't feel like showing them affection that much isn't that normal? I thought it was what everyone did when someone upsets you. It's really confusing bc that's how everyone around me acts (friends, family etc) and I really try to communicate with people when something is bothering me but it's not always that easy so sometimes I end up acting distant but not because I want them to be nice to me or change their behavior if that's not how they feel but because I can't act affectionately to someone who hurt me. Idk I have BPD so that might affect my behavior here?
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Can someone pls explain #2 a bit more? Sometimes when someone hurts me I really don't feel like showing them affection that much isn't that normal? I thought it was what everyone did when someone upsets you. It's really confusing bc that's how everyone around me acts (friends, family etc) and I really try to communicate with people when something is bothering me but it's not always that easy so sometimes I end up acting distant but not because I want them to be nice to me or change their behavior if that's not how they feel but because I can't act affectionately to someone who hurt me. Idk I have BPD so that might affect my behavior here?
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Tanabanana1
I just watched this video 5 months after a breakup. I always thought I was the problem, of course I wasnt perfect but this video made me realize my ex was the manipulative and toxic one. She just blamed it on me and liked to play victim. Like I said I wasnt perfect and Im sure I was a little bit manipulative and toxic too but after a year in a relationship like that you start to pick up your partners habits. Finally realizing I wasnt the reason everything came crashing down and that she was just emotionally unstable.
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I just watched this video 5 months after a breakup. I always thought I was the problem, of course I wasnt perfect but this video made me realize my ex was the manipulative and toxic one. She just blamed it on me and liked to play victim. Like I said I wasnt perfect and Im sure I was a little bit manipulative and toxic too but after a year in a relationship like that you start to pick up your partners habits. Finally realizing I wasnt the reason everything came crashing down and that she was just emotionally unstable.
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Druml5c
Whenever I come across one of these videos it's trange because I relate to like, half of a point a lot and the other half not at all. For example: I like to say I feed off of reactions from people but obviously I can't just ask for a reaction. So I tell jokes for a laugh or more manipulatively I ask a personal question that I know they'd want to ask me back. Then when they do ask it back I act all surprised and unwilling to give up this piece of information. Eventually I do and they get what they want I get what I want.
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Whenever I come across one of these videos it's trange because I relate to like, half of a point a lot and the other half not at all. For example: I like to say I feed off of reactions from people but obviously I can't just ask for a reaction. So I tell jokes for a laugh or more manipulatively I ask a personal question that I know they'd want to ask me back. Then when they do ask it back I act all surprised and unwilling to give up this piece of information. Eventually I do and they get what they want I get what I want.
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qwertyshblong3580
i think i struggle with being manipulative when i see it as justified. it probably has to do with the point of not being able to say what i need outright, but like when im having a mental health crisis and im doing all these things as cries for help (subconsciously and consciously) i look back on it and see how manipulative it comes across as. then theres this disconnect though, like i feel like anything i do to stay safe is justified but still feel this guilt and shame for acting manipulative
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i think i struggle with being manipulative when i see it as justified. it probably has to do with the point of not being able to say what i need outright, but like when im having a mental health crisis and im doing all these things as cries for help (subconsciously and consciously) i look back on it and see how manipulative it comes across as. then theres this disconnect though, like i feel like anything i do to stay safe is justified but still feel this guilt and shame for acting manipulative
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DefaultFlame
Some of these used to apply to me when I was kid, as well people I know. I despised being manipulated and that lead me to despising manipulating others and I rooted out those behaviours in myself.
The only one that applies to me from time to time nowadays is being a know-it-all, though it's more of a side-effect of almost always being the most well-read on any subject that comes up in my social group. People who know me tend to use me like a walking talking wikipedia at times due to that.
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Some of these used to apply to me when I was kid, as well people I know. I despised being manipulated and that lead me to despising manipulating others and I rooted out those behaviours in myself.
The only one that applies to me from time to time nowadays is being a know-it-all, though it's more of a side-effect of almost always being the most well-read on any subject that comes up in my social group. People who know me tend to use me like a walking talking wikipedia at times due to that.
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Farha
Hey, any idea on how can i handle or manage #2 person? I feel like i am on the receiving end of this push and pull. I am thinking of sending or show this video to the person for them to realize their behaviour but i think its rude and inappropriate way to tell the person. Which may lead to another push and pull. I am trying to make things work and it makes me feel down everytime it happens. Am i loved or not? Got me thinking sometimes.
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Hey, any idea on how can i handle or manage #2 person? I feel like i am on the receiving end of this push and pull. I am thinking of sending or show this video to the person for them to realize their behaviour but i think its rude and inappropriate way to tell the person. Which may lead to another push and pull. I am trying to make things work and it makes me feel down everytime it happens. Am i loved or not? Got me thinking sometimes.
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Chat
All the time and I know some things I do are manipulative. But it's a skill and it would be silly to not use it to get what I want. I use it to get discounts all the time. As for losing friends I know I do but I have 2 friends that won't leave and one who I flat out told that I only keep relationships because of benefits. Told him why I'm his friend and we've still been friends for a few years after that.
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All the time and I know some things I do are manipulative. But it's a skill and it would be silly to not use it to get what I want. I use it to get discounts all the time. As for losing friends I know I do but I have 2 friends that won't leave and one who I flat out told that I only keep relationships because of benefits. Told him why I'm his friend and we've still been friends for a few years after that.
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kai.
you know i just got into an argument with my friend about this type of thing and though it might be too late for me to change for THEM i think its time i change for myself instead because in the end
You shouldnt chase the butterflies, instead make yourself a beautiful garden so the butterflies come to you. And even if they dont, youll still have your beautiful garden.
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you know i just got into an argument with my friend about this type of thing and though it might be too late for me to change for THEM i think its time i change for myself instead because in the end
You shouldnt chase the butterflies, instead make yourself a beautiful garden so the butterflies come to you. And even if they dont, youll still have your beautiful garden.
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Orangutan
The push and pull method I did recently and honestly I think its for a good reason I think he needs space and I cant help with what hes going through, Im also not dealing with this again I was okay with the first 3 times but this was the final straw and I sorta snapped on him. I hope he gets over what going on but until then I just cant deal with how he acts.
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The push and pull method I did recently and honestly I think its for a good reason I think he needs space and I cant help with what hes going through, Im also not dealing with this again I was okay with the first 3 times but this was the final straw and I sorta snapped on him. I hope he gets over what going on but until then I just cant deal with how he acts.
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Parker!
Since we are all sharing, never let ANYONE tell you who you are despite your past. You are able to change and learn from your mistakes. You are able to think something you did was bad and learn from it. You arent that same person and you are better. Leave them stuck in the past because youre moving forward and doing better. Im proud of you
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Since we are all sharing, never let ANYONE tell you who you are despite your past. You are able to change and learn from your mistakes. You are able to think something you did was bad and learn from it. You arent that same person and you are better. Leave them stuck in the past because youre moving forward and doing better. Im proud of you
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Kirby!
Something I need to work on that could be seen as manipulative is that after an argument, I go to a different room, Im not trying to manipulate anyone when I do this, I know that I need space and I dont wanna say something rude without realizing it. What should I do to make sure the person Im mad at knows that I just need space?
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Something I need to work on that could be seen as manipulative is that after an argument, I go to a different room, Im not trying to manipulate anyone when I do this, I know that I need space and I dont wanna say something rude without realizing it. What should I do to make sure the person Im mad at knows that I just need space?
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kaylie
I feel like even if you relate to any of these traits even a little bit, she gave the perfect solutions if thats something you want to work on, thank you so much. Trauma can cause these toxic traits without most people knowing. Im glad to know I can work on myself in these ways
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I feel like even if you relate to any of these traits even a little bit, she gave the perfect solutions if thats something you want to work on, thank you so much. Trauma can cause these toxic traits without most people knowing. Im glad to know I can work on myself in these ways
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Yourstruly
How about people who grew up without parents yet are still manipulative?
Cuz seems like everything are the parents fault
Not contradicting but this makes the manipulative people be like oh im like this because of my parents and not get help
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How about people who grew up without parents yet are still manipulative?
Cuz seems like everything are the parents fault
Not contradicting but this makes the manipulative people be like oh im like this because of my parents and not get help
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Marco
The first one hit me. i noticed it and i'm trying to not be too self centered when speaking with others. It's really hard, but i'm trying to overcome it by listening to others without bringing up anything me-related when i think it's inappropriate
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The first one hit me. i noticed it and i'm trying to not be too self centered when speaking with others. It's really hard, but i'm trying to overcome it by listening to others without bringing up anything me-related when i think it's inappropriate
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(Ghostflower)
Had a friend who displays some of these things. It makes me think about how much more toxic they actually were, I dropped them and will never talk to them again but I do hope they get better and learn how they act does have consequences
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Had a friend who displays some of these things. It makes me think about how much more toxic they actually were, I dropped them and will never talk to them again but I do hope they get better and learn how they act does have consequences
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NEGANIL
I dont understand why you people liked her being kind. I know I am manipulative and I do this to get what I want. I am that one guy who hurts people while knowing it and make people hate him. Do you really want to go easy on me now?
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I dont understand why you people liked her being kind. I know I am manipulative and I do this to get what I want. I am that one guy who hurts people while knowing it and make people hate him. Do you really want to go easy on me now?
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Izzy
God I have BPD and it is so hard to unlearn being manipulative, especially when you don't know that's what you're doing. I'm in my 4th) round of dbt and I hope I can really get rid of these behaviors for good this time!
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God I have BPD and it is so hard to unlearn being manipulative, especially when you don't know that's what you're doing. I'm in my 4th) round of dbt and I hope I can really get rid of these behaviors for good this time!
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Chrisi
Does nr. 1 apply when people constantly ask me gor advice, thinking I'm some sort of intellectually-superior being? I constantly get bombarded with relationship questions even though I'm single.
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Does nr. 1 apply when people constantly ask me gor advice, thinking I'm some sort of intellectually-superior being? I constantly get bombarded with relationship questions even though I'm single.
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