Signs You Have Depression Because of Your Childhood
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Date: 2024-02-05
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Comments and reviews: 20
Windermed
Although I'm trying my hardest to move forward with my life I feel like there are so many things that I keep remembering out of nowhere which add more as to how terrible my childhood and upbringing was growing up.
My family members only cared about having authority over others. Their motives for trying to teach me right from wrong were all but a lie to cover up the fact that they took their frustrations onto me in order to feel like they have power over a human being even if that person was a CHILD nonetheless.
My current depression right now stems from how I can't even seem to trust others because of this and i mean just a few months ago my dad called me to let me know that he doesn't want to see me/talk to me again due to things that have happened out of my control and no matter how much I begged him to rethink it through he didn't care and that call (despite how much i resent my dad for the abuse he made me go through) broke me emotionally and made me feel afraid of being too attached to other people.
If it wasn't my dad, it was also my ex who I grew unhealthily attached to (which unfortunately led her to take advantage of me emotionally until i found out she had cheated on me) and now. I just really don't know what to do. I feel alone for the most part because no one in my family has the things I do. I have CPTSD, ADHD, High-functioning Autism and it just sucks how no one around your family has these things. not to mention. I don't really even know anyone outside of my family who has these things and the closest I've ever gotten to know someone who might've had the same things I do IRL didn't happen because of how poor my social skills/ability to percieve social cues were.
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Although I'm trying my hardest to move forward with my life I feel like there are so many things that I keep remembering out of nowhere which add more as to how terrible my childhood and upbringing was growing up.
My family members only cared about having authority over others. Their motives for trying to teach me right from wrong were all but a lie to cover up the fact that they took their frustrations onto me in order to feel like they have power over a human being even if that person was a CHILD nonetheless.
My current depression right now stems from how I can't even seem to trust others because of this and i mean just a few months ago my dad called me to let me know that he doesn't want to see me/talk to me again due to things that have happened out of my control and no matter how much I begged him to rethink it through he didn't care and that call (despite how much i resent my dad for the abuse he made me go through) broke me emotionally and made me feel afraid of being too attached to other people.
If it wasn't my dad, it was also my ex who I grew unhealthily attached to (which unfortunately led her to take advantage of me emotionally until i found out she had cheated on me) and now. I just really don't know what to do. I feel alone for the most part because no one in my family has the things I do. I have CPTSD, ADHD, High-functioning Autism and it just sucks how no one around your family has these things. not to mention. I don't really even know anyone outside of my family who has these things and the closest I've ever gotten to know someone who might've had the same things I do IRL didn't happen because of how poor my social skills/ability to percieve social cues were.
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skyrevanvalor2128
The worst of my mental abuse probably started when i was 9, ended when i was 16 and now it's a extremely rare occurrence but not totally gone. Grew up with mentally ill parents until 9, they didn't do things purposefully but i also cant say that stage of my upbringing had no negative effects. When i was nine but getting closer to 10 i got put with my Nan and Auntie as guardians, of course we had good timers but it was also the worst of my mental abuse and has had the greatest effect on me. Current day with 5 months until I'm 22 and my Nan passed away i can only say things are the calmest and steadiest they have ever been and I'm as fine as i am now because of the interventions of my best friend who i call brother. Still got things to work through but i have hope for a bright future because my golden age is ahead of me and not behind, i wish everyone the best of luck in life and hope you all can get be as optimistic as i am. It's easier said than done but look forward, live in the moment while applying the lessons from the past, before i go I'll leave this advice behind. Find someone you can call brother or sister dispite not being related by blood, talk to people and keep in contact with the genuine ones, go through situations together naturally whilst building loyalty to one and the other and meke sure it's someone you get along with, that is how you find a best friend and acquire one of the keys to having a happy life.
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The worst of my mental abuse probably started when i was 9, ended when i was 16 and now it's a extremely rare occurrence but not totally gone. Grew up with mentally ill parents until 9, they didn't do things purposefully but i also cant say that stage of my upbringing had no negative effects. When i was nine but getting closer to 10 i got put with my Nan and Auntie as guardians, of course we had good timers but it was also the worst of my mental abuse and has had the greatest effect on me. Current day with 5 months until I'm 22 and my Nan passed away i can only say things are the calmest and steadiest they have ever been and I'm as fine as i am now because of the interventions of my best friend who i call brother. Still got things to work through but i have hope for a bright future because my golden age is ahead of me and not behind, i wish everyone the best of luck in life and hope you all can get be as optimistic as i am. It's easier said than done but look forward, live in the moment while applying the lessons from the past, before i go I'll leave this advice behind. Find someone you can call brother or sister dispite not being related by blood, talk to people and keep in contact with the genuine ones, go through situations together naturally whilst building loyalty to one and the other and meke sure it's someone you get along with, that is how you find a best friend and acquire one of the keys to having a happy life.
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psych2go
I was never treated badly by my parents (parent for most of my life) but I still show some of these aspects. I feel like nothing less than perfection (or at least my absolute best) is acceptable, my self esteem has been low for years, raised voices gives me loads of anxiety, and losing those I love is always a constant fear of mine. I don't have anything to point at for many of my problems, but I feel like I may have caused them somehow.
Edit: (Super off topic, but it's here anyways)
The only thing I really can attribute most of this to is my desperation for friends and attention earlier in my school life. I was fairly isolated, the odd one out in primary. I had few if any friends and the others wanted nothing to do with me. I changed my personality to fit in and have friends and attention. It wasn't fun, and those friends were bad company. Those earlier years may have given me the fear of loneliness that I have. I fell into a cycle of people pleasing in order to get friends and attention, making me ignore who I was as a person. I've since gotten better, but I still end up blindly following friends for their approval, even against my better judgment.
(I am appreciative that I had a relatively good home life, though)
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I was never treated badly by my parents (parent for most of my life) but I still show some of these aspects. I feel like nothing less than perfection (or at least my absolute best) is acceptable, my self esteem has been low for years, raised voices gives me loads of anxiety, and losing those I love is always a constant fear of mine. I don't have anything to point at for many of my problems, but I feel like I may have caused them somehow.
Edit: (Super off topic, but it's here anyways)
The only thing I really can attribute most of this to is my desperation for friends and attention earlier in my school life. I was fairly isolated, the odd one out in primary. I had few if any friends and the others wanted nothing to do with me. I changed my personality to fit in and have friends and attention. It wasn't fun, and those friends were bad company. Those earlier years may have given me the fear of loneliness that I have. I fell into a cycle of people pleasing in order to get friends and attention, making me ignore who I was as a person. I've since gotten better, but I still end up blindly following friends for their approval, even against my better judgment.
(I am appreciative that I had a relatively good home life, though)
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Raven_Animates
The majority of my depression came from my first school, i was well behaved and even told the truth at times after figuring out between right and wrong. whilst yes i was playful at times and kind of a nuisance i just wanted to be treated by others the same way i treated them, which i now think of to be too much to ask for now because of the many times this didn't happen to me, i kinda developed this thing where i'm always apologizing for the most minor inconvenience feel as though everything i do may annoy someone or get them to be mad at me, i also have that feeling that friends of mine don't even care for me, no matter how many times they tell me they do it just doesn't work, i try to act well whilst being yelled at but deep inside i feel my heart coming close to a break, i have also become EXTREMELY vulnerable in these times, so much so that i'm too afraid of defending myself just because i constantly think if they will do worse to me if i do, there's therapy stuff they do in my college i believe but i haven't though of asking for help because i'm too scared i'll mess up something again, as i've also become clumsy in the meantime.
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The majority of my depression came from my first school, i was well behaved and even told the truth at times after figuring out between right and wrong. whilst yes i was playful at times and kind of a nuisance i just wanted to be treated by others the same way i treated them, which i now think of to be too much to ask for now because of the many times this didn't happen to me, i kinda developed this thing where i'm always apologizing for the most minor inconvenience feel as though everything i do may annoy someone or get them to be mad at me, i also have that feeling that friends of mine don't even care for me, no matter how many times they tell me they do it just doesn't work, i try to act well whilst being yelled at but deep inside i feel my heart coming close to a break, i have also become EXTREMELY vulnerable in these times, so much so that i'm too afraid of defending myself just because i constantly think if they will do worse to me if i do, there's therapy stuff they do in my college i believe but i haven't though of asking for help because i'm too scared i'll mess up something again, as i've also become clumsy in the meantime.
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elultimo102
Mom was wonderful and my only reason for living, but she always felt guilty for being unable to protect me from my criminally violent abusive father. Mom was raised in a very loving home, so was unable to cope. She should have divorced him, since she worked and had my grandfather's three-flat as a refuge. The battering started by age three, and I was ruined by five. It was never justified or proportional to the crime. I lived in terror, having nowhere to run, since my first and worst enemy was my own father. He died before I was 13, but it would have been better for me, if he had died ten years earlier. Child abuse now recognized as CPTSD, and the effects are life-long. One grows up self-loathing, weak, and always on the defensive. I never had kids, due to the fear of producing more disfunctionals such as myself. I will be out of my misery within 25 years or fewer, being well into Medicare age.
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Mom was wonderful and my only reason for living, but she always felt guilty for being unable to protect me from my criminally violent abusive father. Mom was raised in a very loving home, so was unable to cope. She should have divorced him, since she worked and had my grandfather's three-flat as a refuge. The battering started by age three, and I was ruined by five. It was never justified or proportional to the crime. I lived in terror, having nowhere to run, since my first and worst enemy was my own father. He died before I was 13, but it would have been better for me, if he had died ten years earlier. Child abuse now recognized as CPTSD, and the effects are life-long. One grows up self-loathing, weak, and always on the defensive. I never had kids, due to the fear of producing more disfunctionals such as myself. I will be out of my misery within 25 years or fewer, being well into Medicare age.
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Tvdiet
For me it started when my parents moved me and my siblings to a closer school. I begged them not to move Me I had friends I loved being with them but I had no choice
No one understood me at the new school no one came up to me I was bullied and ignored by the other kids it made me feel worthless as a human going up to high school didn’t help. Those were awful years I just picked the furthest corner and kept to myself
Left highschool with no Friends and because of my experiences I’ve been unable to talk to a lot of people outside of a quick hi how are you, forming potential bonds with people is impossible
My Parents have since agreed moving me out of that first school was a Mistake, had I stayed I’m positive I would have turn out not broken on the inside
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For me it started when my parents moved me and my siblings to a closer school. I begged them not to move Me I had friends I loved being with them but I had no choice
No one understood me at the new school no one came up to me I was bullied and ignored by the other kids it made me feel worthless as a human going up to high school didn’t help. Those were awful years I just picked the furthest corner and kept to myself
Left highschool with no Friends and because of my experiences I’ve been unable to talk to a lot of people outside of a quick hi how are you, forming potential bonds with people is impossible
My Parents have since agreed moving me out of that first school was a Mistake, had I stayed I’m positive I would have turn out not broken on the inside
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nomad_boreal
I guess age 12 thru 14 were probably the toughest years growing up. Having to leave friends behind to move to a different state because of the military, my mother and alcoholic father frequently getting in heated arguments, my brother treating me like I was a nuisance when he had friends over. on top of stress from school and homework. Can't remember how many times I'd just shut myself in my room, or literally hide behind the couch, just to stay out of sight. Home felt like a psychological warzone.
Guess that's why I still opt for a reclusive lifestyle today. Nearly 40 and been living alone the last eight years. At least this way I can feel in control of my life.
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I guess age 12 thru 14 were probably the toughest years growing up. Having to leave friends behind to move to a different state because of the military, my mother and alcoholic father frequently getting in heated arguments, my brother treating me like I was a nuisance when he had friends over. on top of stress from school and homework. Can't remember how many times I'd just shut myself in my room, or literally hide behind the couch, just to stay out of sight. Home felt like a psychological warzone.
Guess that's why I still opt for a reclusive lifestyle today. Nearly 40 and been living alone the last eight years. At least this way I can feel in control of my life.
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xeseriesthepsycho
Growing up my dad beat my mom, and I was forced to watch. I had terrible nightmares and couldn't sleep for shit, so I slept in my mothers bed for almost 4 years to cope. I remember her telling me that he came in one night with a knife, and held it to her chest and threatened to kill her if she screamed. I was right beside her. Finally, thanks to my step dad, she mustered the courage to get rid of my father, and left him on his mothers doorstep in Philidelphia, then came right home to me. With him gone, I could finally start sleeping in my own room, and eventually I wasn't afraid of the dark anymore. But to this day, I am still petrified of my father.
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Growing up my dad beat my mom, and I was forced to watch. I had terrible nightmares and couldn't sleep for shit, so I slept in my mothers bed for almost 4 years to cope. I remember her telling me that he came in one night with a knife, and held it to her chest and threatened to kill her if she screamed. I was right beside her. Finally, thanks to my step dad, she mustered the courage to get rid of my father, and left him on his mothers doorstep in Philidelphia, then came right home to me. With him gone, I could finally start sleeping in my own room, and eventually I wasn't afraid of the dark anymore. But to this day, I am still petrified of my father.
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87solarsky
Integrative Attachment Therapy, as introduced in Attachment Disturbances in Adults - Treatment for comprehensive Repair, by Drs. Daniel P. Brown, David S. Elliot, et al, 2016, would be the ideal therapy choice here, as it remaps the internal working model of attachment from insecure to earned secure; afterwards one can repair defective Core Conflictual Relationship Themes (the secondary Internal Working Model of Attachment that forms later in life, and dissolve any potential trauma-bonding.
That'll go an awful lot further than the therapy choices you recommended here, which aren't anywhere near as comprehensive and effective.
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Integrative Attachment Therapy, as introduced in Attachment Disturbances in Adults - Treatment for comprehensive Repair, by Drs. Daniel P. Brown, David S. Elliot, et al, 2016, would be the ideal therapy choice here, as it remaps the internal working model of attachment from insecure to earned secure; afterwards one can repair defective Core Conflictual Relationship Themes (the secondary Internal Working Model of Attachment that forms later in life, and dissolve any potential trauma-bonding.
That'll go an awful lot further than the therapy choices you recommended here, which aren't anywhere near as comprehensive and effective.
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OOJTS
I remember I was really young in the 1980's ( I'm from 83 ) jumping on the couch my mom kept yelling at me to stop jumping get down from there you going to hurt yourself but I didn't listen.
One of my very first memories that I can remember, the left side of my face, close to my eye, the temple, hitting the corner of a dresser drawer and I start screaming yelling crying and bleeding, my mom comes and she's scared she takes me to the kitchen over the sink I see the blood rolling down my face my eye my cheek. What's the red stuff going into the drain bright red what is that is that coming from me. 5: 53
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I remember I was really young in the 1980's ( I'm from 83 ) jumping on the couch my mom kept yelling at me to stop jumping get down from there you going to hurt yourself but I didn't listen.
One of my very first memories that I can remember, the left side of my face, close to my eye, the temple, hitting the corner of a dresser drawer and I start screaming yelling crying and bleeding, my mom comes and she's scared she takes me to the kitchen over the sink I see the blood rolling down my face my eye my cheek. What's the red stuff going into the drain bright red what is that is that coming from me. 5: 53
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Kyra-cl2pf
My parents broke when i was 6, and it forced me my sister and my mom to moove to another city. Here, my mom used to yell at us due to stress (I guess. So my sister became kind of my mother's figure for me. When she left to go somewhere else for her studies, I got alone with my mother that yells at me at least 3 times a week. It started to makes my grades lower, generating more and more arguments with my mother. Even this friday, I tried to kill myself because of it. She stopped me before i finished but I don't thank her for it, because now I'm back to my daily suffer that I don't know how to escape.
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My parents broke when i was 6, and it forced me my sister and my mom to moove to another city. Here, my mom used to yell at us due to stress (I guess. So my sister became kind of my mother's figure for me. When she left to go somewhere else for her studies, I got alone with my mother that yells at me at least 3 times a week. It started to makes my grades lower, generating more and more arguments with my mother. Even this friday, I tried to kill myself because of it. She stopped me before i finished but I don't thank her for it, because now I'm back to my daily suffer that I don't know how to escape.
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therailgun_8299
Rejection of kids in my early education. When you're 6 or 8, or whatever. You have a deep need to socialize. All i ever wanted was to be accepted by people around me. Instead i was shunned away by kids in my class since my parents werent well off. Instead i jumped into online shooters where it didnt matter how well off are you, or how tall, fat or thin are you. i was accepted unconditionally. The problem is that even now, almost 3 decades i rather spent time by myself. Its a rather lonely life.
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Rejection of kids in my early education. When you're 6 or 8, or whatever. You have a deep need to socialize. All i ever wanted was to be accepted by people around me. Instead i was shunned away by kids in my class since my parents werent well off. Instead i jumped into online shooters where it didnt matter how well off are you, or how tall, fat or thin are you. i was accepted unconditionally. The problem is that even now, almost 3 decades i rather spent time by myself. Its a rather lonely life.
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JL15545
Having been through childhood abuse and persistent bullying has left me with lasting trauma that I grapple with as an adult. Constantly being told that I’m not good enough has ingrained Imposter Syndrome and many insecurities in me, stunting my emotional growth. It also created social anxiety, impacting my ability to form connections hence making it challenging to build friendships or dating. Sometimes I wish I could do a hard reset to my life and start all over again.
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Having been through childhood abuse and persistent bullying has left me with lasting trauma that I grapple with as an adult. Constantly being told that I’m not good enough has ingrained Imposter Syndrome and many insecurities in me, stunting my emotional growth. It also created social anxiety, impacting my ability to form connections hence making it challenging to build friendships or dating. Sometimes I wish I could do a hard reset to my life and start all over again.
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MRahkmenRAH
I was constantly told to be by myself and the job caused one parent to ignore my needs, all while I watched both parents spend time with other people. I knew it was rejection, but I didn't understand it at a young age. At the age of 11, I knew something was wrong. Once again, it was dismissed, but I always knew. As an adult man, I've figured out ways to help myself and minimize the negative thoughts I feel. Day by day, I work towards loving myself more.
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I was constantly told to be by myself and the job caused one parent to ignore my needs, all while I watched both parents spend time with other people. I knew it was rejection, but I didn't understand it at a young age. At the age of 11, I knew something was wrong. Once again, it was dismissed, but I always knew. As an adult man, I've figured out ways to help myself and minimize the negative thoughts I feel. Day by day, I work towards loving myself more.
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jazznblues9496
I'm aware that something distressing occurred during my childhood, which seems to have triggered a form of childhood amnesia. Memories of birthdays, Christmas, or any celebrations elude me. Whenever someone attempts to photograph me, I experience waves of nausea and sweat. Though I'm certain something significant transpired, the specifics remain elusive. This burden has been with me for over 40 years, and it appears I'll carry it to my grave.
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I'm aware that something distressing occurred during my childhood, which seems to have triggered a form of childhood amnesia. Memories of birthdays, Christmas, or any celebrations elude me. Whenever someone attempts to photograph me, I experience waves of nausea and sweat. Though I'm certain something significant transpired, the specifics remain elusive. This burden has been with me for over 40 years, and it appears I'll carry it to my grave.
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psych2go
When I was 8 or 9 my parents would often fight and I would sometimes hear glass breaking or something else. When I was in grade 1 or 2 I once got spanked, probably had a reason for that but still, there should've been a different way. And sometimes when I cry my parent or parents tell me to toughen up bc I was a big girl and big girls don't cry or they would say stop crying before I give u a reason to cry when I was little.
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When I was 8 or 9 my parents would often fight and I would sometimes hear glass breaking or something else. When I was in grade 1 or 2 I once got spanked, probably had a reason for that but still, there should've been a different way. And sometimes when I cry my parent or parents tell me to toughen up bc I was a big girl and big girls don't cry or they would say stop crying before I give u a reason to cry when I was little.
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Bernie4life4182
I have a friend who's been depressed since long before I met him. He's always talking negatively about himself and how he wants to khs, but I've been able to talk him out of it multiple times. His family is abusive and neglectful. He's rarely eating or getting sleep. Something else I worry about is the fact that he wants to join the military. He says he doesn't want help, but I'm always there for him if he needs any.
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I have a friend who's been depressed since long before I met him. He's always talking negatively about himself and how he wants to khs, but I've been able to talk him out of it multiple times. His family is abusive and neglectful. He's rarely eating or getting sleep. Something else I worry about is the fact that he wants to join the military. He says he doesn't want help, but I'm always there for him if he needs any.
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LaneThePlane
I start therapy for these issues tomorrow and I am extremely excited yet nervous on how it's going to go. My mind is racing with what if she cancels What if insurance doesn't cover What if my card declines and I can't use my other card to pay
Last time I tried to reach out to a therapist, I reached out to about 4 or 5 in my area and only 1 responded to me 8 months later.
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I start therapy for these issues tomorrow and I am extremely excited yet nervous on how it's going to go. My mind is racing with what if she cancels What if insurance doesn't cover What if my card declines and I can't use my other card to pay
Last time I tried to reach out to a therapist, I reached out to about 4 or 5 in my area and only 1 responded to me 8 months later.
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Psych2go
New research indicates that depression typically begins early in life, often originating in childhood. It is important to acknowledge and openly discuss this to promote destigmatization, awareness, and education. Join our mission to raise awareness and destigmatize mental health by sharing this video. You might save someone's lives. Together we will make a powerful impact.
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New research indicates that depression typically begins early in life, often originating in childhood. It is important to acknowledge and openly discuss this to promote destigmatization, awareness, and education. Join our mission to raise awareness and destigmatize mental health by sharing this video. You might save someone's lives. Together we will make a powerful impact.
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wibberinksan1770
What if everyone says that you have a good childhood, no real signs of abuse. But you just have the feeling that adults in your childhood never really understand you and have been supporting you. And that the reason is why you have trust issues and being depressed. Still it's a problem today that adults don't understand and supporting me.
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What if everyone says that you have a good childhood, no real signs of abuse. But you just have the feeling that adults in your childhood never really understand you and have been supporting you. And that the reason is why you have trust issues and being depressed. Still it's a problem today that adults don't understand and supporting me.
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