On how we talk about about people's bodies
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Date: 2024-06-07
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Comments and reviews: 20
TheSimArchitect
Society values behavior that benefits society, not an individual. That's why they shame people for being lazy, stingy, egotistical.
Being fit means being better suitable, traditionally, to work in a productive manner plowing fields, building houses or doing something else that serves society better.
Having children means you produce more servants.
When you check most cultural and religious values across the world you'll notice they all praise things that work against your own personal interest. Then, people are brainwashed into believing those values are somewhat imposable and they bully the ones that don't fit the bill as a method to force as many people as possible to comply.
Other societies go as far as killing and torturing people for not doing their part. Christians also killed many that didn't adhere to their values. We have an entire legal system that will destroy people for things like not paying taxes with more strength than they'll deal with someone that commits physical violence by stabbing someone in a subway car, for example.
We go as far as punishing people for wanting to end their own lives on their own terms/schedule because society wants to force people to serve it and its values are as condescending as typical corporations when they push changes that make them profit more while saying it's better for us as customers or employees. Sadly, most people buy into it and the ones who don't are sometimes forced into a closet if they don't want to be punished by others or, even if they come to the light and do what they want, society has multiple mechanisms, moral, cultural and even legal to force most people to comply.
In my perspective, if we're here by design, life has to be punishment. There's no way around it, even if you have a great perfect life you'll face the fact your dream will be over sooner or later. If you have a less happy experience, well, you're probably in hell already, like the majority of people, even the ones unaware of it.
Sorry if I sound crazy. Stay strong and do what makes you happy. At least good physical fitness means you can more more easily. I had bariatric and lost half of my original weight. No sacrifices. I eat whatever I want and I only walk for exercising. I like being thin not only because I am less noticed when outside but also because it's much easier to move.
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Society values behavior that benefits society, not an individual. That's why they shame people for being lazy, stingy, egotistical.
Being fit means being better suitable, traditionally, to work in a productive manner plowing fields, building houses or doing something else that serves society better.
Having children means you produce more servants.
When you check most cultural and religious values across the world you'll notice they all praise things that work against your own personal interest. Then, people are brainwashed into believing those values are somewhat imposable and they bully the ones that don't fit the bill as a method to force as many people as possible to comply.
Other societies go as far as killing and torturing people for not doing their part. Christians also killed many that didn't adhere to their values. We have an entire legal system that will destroy people for things like not paying taxes with more strength than they'll deal with someone that commits physical violence by stabbing someone in a subway car, for example.
We go as far as punishing people for wanting to end their own lives on their own terms/schedule because society wants to force people to serve it and its values are as condescending as typical corporations when they push changes that make them profit more while saying it's better for us as customers or employees. Sadly, most people buy into it and the ones who don't are sometimes forced into a closet if they don't want to be punished by others or, even if they come to the light and do what they want, society has multiple mechanisms, moral, cultural and even legal to force most people to comply.
In my perspective, if we're here by design, life has to be punishment. There's no way around it, even if you have a great perfect life you'll face the fact your dream will be over sooner or later. If you have a less happy experience, well, you're probably in hell already, like the majority of people, even the ones unaware of it.
Sorry if I sound crazy. Stay strong and do what makes you happy. At least good physical fitness means you can more more easily. I had bariatric and lost half of my original weight. No sacrifices. I eat whatever I want and I only walk for exercising. I like being thin not only because I am less noticed when outside but also because it's much easier to move.
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kg6801
Almost 30 years ago I had been at something like 98 kilos (216 pounds) when lost about 30 kilos (66 pounds) in a very short amount of time because my partner of 7 years had left me and I was completely miserable and depressed and lost appetite and was just not doing at all well, and the circumstances were no secret to my workplace. Some people were supportive but I got some bullying and some weird reactions, with people constantly asking what diet I was on and some people flat out not accepting what I told them and arguing with me, one guy continually angrily insisting it must be cancer or something, another kept getting angry because I wouldn't tell him what my secret weight loss technique was and his wife's overweight and has cellulite and she's done absolutely everything to lose weight but nothing works, so you have to tell me what you're doing.
So many people were angry with me, and the usual nasty comments changed from being about my being overweight to being thinner, I even got some real nasty crap for having to order a smaller uniform because my current one was falling off me (and people were complaining about that, the admin person was so annoyed with me she changed the standard order form (I think it was 5 or 7 sets of clothes, given we were rostered weekends as well) to only a couple of changes of clothes worth because you're probably just going to put it all back on again anyway. It was really weird, as if they took it very personally even though I wasn't even trying to lose weight and was going through a really bad time. But the angry cancer comments shocked me most of all, because if that's what you've decided is the reason, why the hell would you speak to the person that way
And now here's the internet, where people aren't even a part of a person's life but will pass comments when they don't know the first thing about the person or their circumstances and as if they're fit to judge, and they wouldn't even say to someone's face if they were in person. It's sort of like getting to hear what people would say behind your back, but they get the benefit of knowing there's the possibility you'll see it, so they can be thoughtless or snarky without the risk of getting any meaningful consequences. It's weird what so many people make their buisness.
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Almost 30 years ago I had been at something like 98 kilos (216 pounds) when lost about 30 kilos (66 pounds) in a very short amount of time because my partner of 7 years had left me and I was completely miserable and depressed and lost appetite and was just not doing at all well, and the circumstances were no secret to my workplace. Some people were supportive but I got some bullying and some weird reactions, with people constantly asking what diet I was on and some people flat out not accepting what I told them and arguing with me, one guy continually angrily insisting it must be cancer or something, another kept getting angry because I wouldn't tell him what my secret weight loss technique was and his wife's overweight and has cellulite and she's done absolutely everything to lose weight but nothing works, so you have to tell me what you're doing.
So many people were angry with me, and the usual nasty comments changed from being about my being overweight to being thinner, I even got some real nasty crap for having to order a smaller uniform because my current one was falling off me (and people were complaining about that, the admin person was so annoyed with me she changed the standard order form (I think it was 5 or 7 sets of clothes, given we were rostered weekends as well) to only a couple of changes of clothes worth because you're probably just going to put it all back on again anyway. It was really weird, as if they took it very personally even though I wasn't even trying to lose weight and was going through a really bad time. But the angry cancer comments shocked me most of all, because if that's what you've decided is the reason, why the hell would you speak to the person that way
And now here's the internet, where people aren't even a part of a person's life but will pass comments when they don't know the first thing about the person or their circumstances and as if they're fit to judge, and they wouldn't even say to someone's face if they were in person. It's sort of like getting to hear what people would say behind your back, but they get the benefit of knowing there's the possibility you'll see it, so they can be thoughtless or snarky without the risk of getting any meaningful consequences. It's weird what so many people make their buisness.
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marcindulat8479
I'm really afraid that the new generation, to which I belong, will be afraid of talking about anything. I see so much more quiet and social anxious people among me. I think we are really anxious about not-being-rude when talking with others. I absolutely agree with you that we shouldn't talk shit about someone else's body, nonetheless I would emphasize on the fact, that saying something that isn't offensive to somebody who may take it as an offensive comment (like in the example you brought of a lady who is/isn't pregnant) is absolutely fine. It's just the way the world works that sometimes we will hurt other people's feelings without any intent to. The better way than not saying anything is to try to be polite in the way you say something - if somebody got offended, then sure, apologize to that person and say you didn't mean it. I think it is a fair trade for being open and talking with random people on the street. I don't want for world to look empty, quiet, anxious, I want it to be alive and active and bright and vivid. I know the text I wrote doesn't fully connect to your video, but it's just a random thought I got from listening to it while doing workout haha. Your body is amazing, and I really mean it. I envy you mr Ragusea, keep that smile, keep that soberness, keep the love to yourself, your family and the world that is around you. Any additives to the world just make it less enjoyable. Just like when you season the sauce too much and now the whole dish is a waste. Be conservative. Vinegar leg is on the right.
PS. sorry if my English isn't that good, it's not my native language.
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I'm really afraid that the new generation, to which I belong, will be afraid of talking about anything. I see so much more quiet and social anxious people among me. I think we are really anxious about not-being-rude when talking with others. I absolutely agree with you that we shouldn't talk shit about someone else's body, nonetheless I would emphasize on the fact, that saying something that isn't offensive to somebody who may take it as an offensive comment (like in the example you brought of a lady who is/isn't pregnant) is absolutely fine. It's just the way the world works that sometimes we will hurt other people's feelings without any intent to. The better way than not saying anything is to try to be polite in the way you say something - if somebody got offended, then sure, apologize to that person and say you didn't mean it. I think it is a fair trade for being open and talking with random people on the street. I don't want for world to look empty, quiet, anxious, I want it to be alive and active and bright and vivid. I know the text I wrote doesn't fully connect to your video, but it's just a random thought I got from listening to it while doing workout haha. Your body is amazing, and I really mean it. I envy you mr Ragusea, keep that smile, keep that soberness, keep the love to yourself, your family and the world that is around you. Any additives to the world just make it less enjoyable. Just like when you season the sauce too much and now the whole dish is a waste. Be conservative. Vinegar leg is on the right.
PS. sorry if my English isn't that good, it's not my native language.
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chat-1978
I generally like these type of analysis but I also think that sometimes you are analysing the most self-obvious things on planet earth, at least within secular western culture.
Once you put your self online, depending on exposure you become a public figure which automatically means that it attracts more attentions from others, including good and bad. Part of the job and everyone knew about this. No difference with internet because it can happen more easily without the overhead of agents/PR/marketing/politicians etc
End of the day, friends/close circle can notice the differences and ask about the difference for caring. They could also be necessary bad friends/close circle and ask the same question while being mean. But for all the others, who cares Why would you care what people who you've never met write about you
BTW, in the Netherlands people are very direct and might make the comment/observation anyhow. Other cutlures might consider it rude but they consider it more normal. Also some people can't identify social norms and through not a fault of their own, might be perceived as rude. Judging them is also wrong. You don't know what is the driver. That is the world. Hence my remark about discussing the most common self obvious things. If you want to be bad, you will be no matter what.
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I generally like these type of analysis but I also think that sometimes you are analysing the most self-obvious things on planet earth, at least within secular western culture.
Once you put your self online, depending on exposure you become a public figure which automatically means that it attracts more attentions from others, including good and bad. Part of the job and everyone knew about this. No difference with internet because it can happen more easily without the overhead of agents/PR/marketing/politicians etc
End of the day, friends/close circle can notice the differences and ask about the difference for caring. They could also be necessary bad friends/close circle and ask the same question while being mean. But for all the others, who cares Why would you care what people who you've never met write about you
BTW, in the Netherlands people are very direct and might make the comment/observation anyhow. Other cutlures might consider it rude but they consider it more normal. Also some people can't identify social norms and through not a fault of their own, might be perceived as rude. Judging them is also wrong. You don't know what is the driver. That is the world. Hence my remark about discussing the most common self obvious things. If you want to be bad, you will be no matter what.
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1stGruhn
Just saying, in every generation for all human history, people have been saying something equivalent to 'in these modern enlightened times'.
While there is a difference between fat shaming and recognizing the reality that being over 25-30% in body fat is demonstrably unhealthy, sure the way you point that out indeed does matter and often doesn't need to be said. Just because the sky is blue, doesn't mean you're a genius for saying it. But saying fat is beautiful is similarly dangerous: being obese is dangerous. But the opposite end of the spectrum can also be unhealthy and dangerous: less than 5% is not sustainable. 10-15% for guys and 15-20% is perfectly fine for women. A lot of data shows this but there does seem to be a gradual curve off of health as you get more % above those then it really plummets the higher you go: greater cancer risk and greater risk of diabetes.
And sure, you may not have the resources or metabolism to do much about that. Life is suffering, I don't mean that flippantly. No one lives to 200, no matter how healthy you are. But that doesn't mean you ought to just make people feel good about their bad habits to feel good about yourself. Who are you trying to please On the other had, it isn't my responsibility to see to it that others take care of themselves.
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Just saying, in every generation for all human history, people have been saying something equivalent to 'in these modern enlightened times'.
While there is a difference between fat shaming and recognizing the reality that being over 25-30% in body fat is demonstrably unhealthy, sure the way you point that out indeed does matter and often doesn't need to be said. Just because the sky is blue, doesn't mean you're a genius for saying it. But saying fat is beautiful is similarly dangerous: being obese is dangerous. But the opposite end of the spectrum can also be unhealthy and dangerous: less than 5% is not sustainable. 10-15% for guys and 15-20% is perfectly fine for women. A lot of data shows this but there does seem to be a gradual curve off of health as you get more % above those then it really plummets the higher you go: greater cancer risk and greater risk of diabetes.
And sure, you may not have the resources or metabolism to do much about that. Life is suffering, I don't mean that flippantly. No one lives to 200, no matter how healthy you are. But that doesn't mean you ought to just make people feel good about their bad habits to feel good about yourself. Who are you trying to please On the other had, it isn't my responsibility to see to it that others take care of themselves.
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Skhilsare
Hmm I don't know. I listen to this and think Well what CAN I say then. I believe 99% of people who work out would like hearing that their effort shows. Maybe your answer is that there are lots of things that will never be taken the wrong way and maybe that's easy to all you super social people but not to people like me who stand in a group having a conversation never saying anything because by the time I think of something to say the 1 second I had to interject has passed. I don't need a longer check list to go through before I say anything.
And it's not just about the timing. My mind goes: If Innocent Thing 1 could actually be hurtful then maybe Innocent Thing 2 is hurful as well, and Innocent Thing 3. Even if they're not.
Can't we instead work on looking for the intended meaning instead of the meaning we read into it in our own heads, and also not make a big deal out of being told a comment you made caused someone hurt in some way.
Like
Have you lost weight You look great!
I have, thanks, but I feel a bit weird when people comment on my body
Ok I see sorry
No worries: )
Not everything needs to be a general rule. It can just be Person A doesn't like comments about X but person B does.
End of ramble.
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Hmm I don't know. I listen to this and think Well what CAN I say then. I believe 99% of people who work out would like hearing that their effort shows. Maybe your answer is that there are lots of things that will never be taken the wrong way and maybe that's easy to all you super social people but not to people like me who stand in a group having a conversation never saying anything because by the time I think of something to say the 1 second I had to interject has passed. I don't need a longer check list to go through before I say anything.
And it's not just about the timing. My mind goes: If Innocent Thing 1 could actually be hurtful then maybe Innocent Thing 2 is hurful as well, and Innocent Thing 3. Even if they're not.
Can't we instead work on looking for the intended meaning instead of the meaning we read into it in our own heads, and also not make a big deal out of being told a comment you made caused someone hurt in some way.
Like
Have you lost weight You look great!
I have, thanks, but I feel a bit weird when people comment on my body
Ok I see sorry
No worries: )
Not everything needs to be a general rule. It can just be Person A doesn't like comments about X but person B does.
End of ramble.
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aragusea
An older person I had not seen in years exclaimed, So, when’s the due date From her point of view, I understand. She feels positively towards me. She was happy for me when she heard I got married. She knew I really want to have kids. Plural. And she comes from an older generation where this kind of question is not only accepted but expected, I think.
Now flip to my point of view. I’ve now had three miscarriages. One of them would have ended my life without medical intervention. And one of them resulted in weight gain which I haven’t been able to reverse. And I have my own back-history of being shamed for my weightincluding an aunt who bought me a lovely leather jacketsized XLwhen I reached size 8 (while my cousins were size 2 and 0.
So that question just hurt in so many ways, regardless of the positive intent.
I had to vent to my husband and a good friend and do a lot of mental/emotional exercises before I could get back into a healthy place.
I don’t blame her. I know she just doesn’t get it and I have no way of changing her behavior. But if just one person out there might spend an extra microsecond before pressing send or opening their mouth, then sharing this personal story is worth it.
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An older person I had not seen in years exclaimed, So, when’s the due date From her point of view, I understand. She feels positively towards me. She was happy for me when she heard I got married. She knew I really want to have kids. Plural. And she comes from an older generation where this kind of question is not only accepted but expected, I think.
Now flip to my point of view. I’ve now had three miscarriages. One of them would have ended my life without medical intervention. And one of them resulted in weight gain which I haven’t been able to reverse. And I have my own back-history of being shamed for my weightincluding an aunt who bought me a lovely leather jacketsized XLwhen I reached size 8 (while my cousins were size 2 and 0.
So that question just hurt in so many ways, regardless of the positive intent.
I had to vent to my husband and a good friend and do a lot of mental/emotional exercises before I could get back into a healthy place.
I don’t blame her. I know she just doesn’t get it and I have no way of changing her behavior. But if just one person out there might spend an extra microsecond before pressing send or opening their mouth, then sharing this personal story is worth it.
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patginni5229
To start with what do you mean yesterday’s culinary personality Don’t loose the vinegar leg. I either listen to your videos or tasting history when I’m cooking. It keeps me in the mood to make good food. And hides the background noise of my girls bickering with each other.
And point 2. After we all hit our teens our time comes to decide what kind of person we want to be. It doesn’t matter who or how we’re raised. It’s a personal choice. Yes there are exceptions to that rule. But we have the choice. I live in Amish County. People are always saying how they feel bad that the Amish ride around in their buggies in winter. I feel bad for animals and children. Adults chose for them selves. All of life is like that. If you’re a shite person it’s because you choose to be a shite person.
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To start with what do you mean yesterday’s culinary personality Don’t loose the vinegar leg. I either listen to your videos or tasting history when I’m cooking. It keeps me in the mood to make good food. And hides the background noise of my girls bickering with each other.
And point 2. After we all hit our teens our time comes to decide what kind of person we want to be. It doesn’t matter who or how we’re raised. It’s a personal choice. Yes there are exceptions to that rule. But we have the choice. I live in Amish County. People are always saying how they feel bad that the Amish ride around in their buggies in winter. I feel bad for animals and children. Adults chose for them selves. All of life is like that. If you’re a shite person it’s because you choose to be a shite person.
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patginni5229
To start with what do you mean yesterday’s culinary personality Don’t loose the vinegar leg. I either listen to your videos or tasting history when I’m cooking. It keeps me in the mood to make good food. And hides the background noise of my girls bickering with each other.
And point 2. After we all hit our teens our time comes to decide what kind of person we want to be. It doesn’t matter who or how we’re raised. It’s a personal choice. Yes there are exceptions to that rule. But we have the choice. I live in Amish County. People are always saying how they feel bad that the Amish ride around in their buggies in winter. I feel bad for animals and children. Adults chose for them selves. All of life is like that. If you’re a shite person it’s because you choose to be a shite person.
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To start with what do you mean yesterday’s culinary personality Don’t loose the vinegar leg. I either listen to your videos or tasting history when I’m cooking. It keeps me in the mood to make good food. And hides the background noise of my girls bickering with each other.
And point 2. After we all hit our teens our time comes to decide what kind of person we want to be. It doesn’t matter who or how we’re raised. It’s a personal choice. Yes there are exceptions to that rule. But we have the choice. I live in Amish County. People are always saying how they feel bad that the Amish ride around in their buggies in winter. I feel bad for animals and children. Adults chose for them selves. All of life is like that. If you’re a shite person it’s because you choose to be a shite person.
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aragusea
I live in Thailand - practically every time I meet a stranger in the countryside - one of the first things they say is You're Fat! haha. sometimes will poke me or try to handle a curve and laugh. Weird at first for sure but not a problem, best for me to adapt - I think we're going headlong into an age where all your emotions are your own responsibility. can't see how it ends any other way the world is working anymore. Once you own everything and build complete confidence where the nastiest stuff you can imagine being said bounces right off you - that's the best I've ever felt mentally in my life. Interesting paradox. All the hyper self-editing and hyper awareness have their own mental detriments worth considering when trying to fulfill everyone's emotional needs forever into infinity
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I live in Thailand - practically every time I meet a stranger in the countryside - one of the first things they say is You're Fat! haha. sometimes will poke me or try to handle a curve and laugh. Weird at first for sure but not a problem, best for me to adapt - I think we're going headlong into an age where all your emotions are your own responsibility. can't see how it ends any other way the world is working anymore. Once you own everything and build complete confidence where the nastiest stuff you can imagine being said bounces right off you - that's the best I've ever felt mentally in my life. Interesting paradox. All the hyper self-editing and hyper awareness have their own mental detriments worth considering when trying to fulfill everyone's emotional needs forever into infinity
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Beryllahawk
I've been dropping weight quite quickly, because I'm a diabetic struggling a LOT with food issues. (Not just that damn it I like bread, but because bread is CHEAP and my budget shrinks with every month)
And yes, yes, portion control, habit forming (in the good sense) all those things. BUT if someone tried to tell me gosh you look like you've lost weight! . I think I'd probably bite their heads off.
What I care about is that the people around me are happy and doing okay emotionally, mentally, and only THEN do I maybe worry about their physical health. And absolutely NONE of it is something that I have a right to comment on in a way that shames or praises them.
Ask me for an opinion, I'll give it, but like bowel movements, I'm not airing that opinion without that request.
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I've been dropping weight quite quickly, because I'm a diabetic struggling a LOT with food issues. (Not just that damn it I like bread, but because bread is CHEAP and my budget shrinks with every month)
And yes, yes, portion control, habit forming (in the good sense) all those things. BUT if someone tried to tell me gosh you look like you've lost weight! . I think I'd probably bite their heads off.
What I care about is that the people around me are happy and doing okay emotionally, mentally, and only THEN do I maybe worry about their physical health. And absolutely NONE of it is something that I have a right to comment on in a way that shames or praises them.
Ask me for an opinion, I'll give it, but like bowel movements, I'm not airing that opinion without that request.
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aubreypressley1450
The internet has given a lot of people the go ahead to proudly display outright anti-social behavior and I think this is something we all need to be more aware of. As you said, in most real life settings saying this stuff directly to someone would never be permitted. You'd get looks and people would call you out on it. In some cases, certain things would get you outright shunned from the group. That has it's own downsides. But my point is the anonymity of the social internet allows people to be blatantly cruel without a second thought.
This is not healthy behavior. It is painful, harmful behavior. The more we grown and get used to existing online, the more we must evolve to legitimately be people on it.
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The internet has given a lot of people the go ahead to proudly display outright anti-social behavior and I think this is something we all need to be more aware of. As you said, in most real life settings saying this stuff directly to someone would never be permitted. You'd get looks and people would call you out on it. In some cases, certain things would get you outright shunned from the group. That has it's own downsides. But my point is the anonymity of the social internet allows people to be blatantly cruel without a second thought.
This is not healthy behavior. It is painful, harmful behavior. The more we grown and get used to existing online, the more we must evolve to legitimately be people on it.
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aaronkriegman8684
I disagree. I constantly feel like I have flaws that are blindingly obvious to everyone except me, and if someone would just tell me what they are then I could fix them. There have been times when people have been honest with me about my flaws, and it's upsetting at first but then I don't have to wonder anymore, and I know where to focus or not focus my effort.
Of course, when it comes to our bodies, we're generally already too aware of our flaws and have limited ability to change them. But if we take the example of the video with two introductions, that could have been really good feedback for the guy. That could have allowed him to fix a problem he wouldn't have otherwise noticed.
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I disagree. I constantly feel like I have flaws that are blindingly obvious to everyone except me, and if someone would just tell me what they are then I could fix them. There have been times when people have been honest with me about my flaws, and it's upsetting at first but then I don't have to wonder anymore, and I know where to focus or not focus my effort.
Of course, when it comes to our bodies, we're generally already too aware of our flaws and have limited ability to change them. But if we take the example of the video with two introductions, that could have been really good feedback for the guy. That could have allowed him to fix a problem he wouldn't have otherwise noticed.
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Sonicfan2091
So I will add my two cents to this discussion because I think Adam makes an excellent point. At the end of the day, a good measure of whether something is good or bad depends on a self-assessment of whether or not what I'm saying is coming from a good place. If I want to comment on someone's physique, it's usually because I want to compliment them, no ill intentions and I'd assume this is the case for most people. At the end of the day my goal is to give a compliment, not to make the other person feel weird. So it's not a problem for me to shift my thinking from complimenting the physique to giving a general compliment and being nice! Sending good energies to all of you.
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So I will add my two cents to this discussion because I think Adam makes an excellent point. At the end of the day, a good measure of whether something is good or bad depends on a self-assessment of whether or not what I'm saying is coming from a good place. If I want to comment on someone's physique, it's usually because I want to compliment them, no ill intentions and I'd assume this is the case for most people. At the end of the day my goal is to give a compliment, not to make the other person feel weird. So it's not a problem for me to shift my thinking from complimenting the physique to giving a general compliment and being nice! Sending good energies to all of you.
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Anonymoose-2750
It's OK to talk bad about people, just only behind their back -Adam R. 2024.
No it's really not, that's the actual problem, people forgetting never say something behind someone's back you wouldn't say to their face, the age old two-faced problem which Adam seems to celebrate rather than condemn.
The problem is the inverse of what you describe in that people should be as honest in person as they are on the Internet. And I am, never said anything on the Internet I won't, or haven't said in person including yes unsolicited calling someone ugly or telling them I hope their kids die.
Quit trying to push toxic East Asian culture.
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It's OK to talk bad about people, just only behind their back -Adam R. 2024.
No it's really not, that's the actual problem, people forgetting never say something behind someone's back you wouldn't say to their face, the age old two-faced problem which Adam seems to celebrate rather than condemn.
The problem is the inverse of what you describe in that people should be as honest in person as they are on the Internet. And I am, never said anything on the Internet I won't, or haven't said in person including yes unsolicited calling someone ugly or telling them I hope their kids die.
Quit trying to push toxic East Asian culture.
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reddobr
It's kind of complicated. Just like some person might be going through health issues that caused weight loss and they'd hate you to talk about it, there are also people who are really trying their best to, say, fix their diabetes or just improve in general, and you purposedly ignoring them can lead to them feeling like there's no point, it isn't working.
imo, the best way to go about things is if people ask you not to talk about X, you don't, if they ask you to call them Y, then you call them Y, and so on. It makes little sense to guide our lives through. 1% odds, but we can always correct our course when it's pointed out to us.
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It's kind of complicated. Just like some person might be going through health issues that caused weight loss and they'd hate you to talk about it, there are also people who are really trying their best to, say, fix their diabetes or just improve in general, and you purposedly ignoring them can lead to them feeling like there's no point, it isn't working.
imo, the best way to go about things is if people ask you not to talk about X, you don't, if they ask you to call them Y, then you call them Y, and so on. It makes little sense to guide our lives through. 1% odds, but we can always correct our course when it's pointed out to us.
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krabkit
while not all improvements may be positive, choosing to cut out habits that you know to be negative is a good step in the right direction. sometimes you just need to trade in one addiction for another with the hope that the new one is not as harmful. that is in no way saying that those new activities cant cause their own problems, but it can give you a chance to keep them down to a reasonable degree and time to work on fixing the core issues. the excessive actions are a symptom, and will need more than surface level scrubbing to overcome.
we all hope your journey is successful, but even if you aren't this time, keep at it.
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while not all improvements may be positive, choosing to cut out habits that you know to be negative is a good step in the right direction. sometimes you just need to trade in one addiction for another with the hope that the new one is not as harmful. that is in no way saying that those new activities cant cause their own problems, but it can give you a chance to keep them down to a reasonable degree and time to work on fixing the core issues. the excessive actions are a symptom, and will need more than surface level scrubbing to overcome.
we all hope your journey is successful, but even if you aren't this time, keep at it.
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soniashapiro4827
I have severe fistulizing Crohn's disease. When I'm skinny I'm sick, when I'm fat I'm doing well. People are so weirded out when I declare with joy, I'm fat and energetic. I would be delighted to be slender and healthy but I've been dangerously and terrifyingly underweight for years and I'm convinced I'd be dead if I hadn't had resources to spare when I needed them. I suspect my body thinks so too. Exercise is so good for me, thinking about what my body can DO instead of what it looks like is mentally more nourishing. And right now it's capable of digestion! Not elegance. BFD. (Great video. Thanks)
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I have severe fistulizing Crohn's disease. When I'm skinny I'm sick, when I'm fat I'm doing well. People are so weirded out when I declare with joy, I'm fat and energetic. I would be delighted to be slender and healthy but I've been dangerously and terrifyingly underweight for years and I'm convinced I'd be dead if I hadn't had resources to spare when I needed them. I suspect my body thinks so too. Exercise is so good for me, thinking about what my body can DO instead of what it looks like is mentally more nourishing. And right now it's capable of digestion! Not elegance. BFD. (Great video. Thanks)
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jh2325
Your body is yours and you dont owe any body to look a certain way. Our physical appearance should not be so important; our mental health is and just because someone is thin doesnt mean theyre healthier or better looking; everything is subjective and i personaly hate when people talk about my body as i have dysmorphia along with complex ptsd both of which affect my appetite and digestion.
It really sucks to hear someone say crap like are you anemic
No. I just have ptsd. Its really hard to make yourself eat when you have no appetite and food causes you anxiety.
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Your body is yours and you dont owe any body to look a certain way. Our physical appearance should not be so important; our mental health is and just because someone is thin doesnt mean theyre healthier or better looking; everything is subjective and i personaly hate when people talk about my body as i have dysmorphia along with complex ptsd both of which affect my appetite and digestion.
It really sucks to hear someone say crap like are you anemic
No. I just have ptsd. Its really hard to make yourself eat when you have no appetite and food causes you anxiety.
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psycold
Good for you for going sober man. I used to be a massive pothead for over 20 years. Then I hit 30 years old and added drinking to that, things all kinda came crashing down for me around 36. Now I've completely quit pot and I manage to only drink some wine on the weekends, I still want to quit completely but I'm not ready. I'm single though and don't have many friends or a social life so I'm trying to work on that side now. I'm glad you have your wife by your side to help you through this. I've learned a lot from you and you are a rare force for good in this world.
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Good for you for going sober man. I used to be a massive pothead for over 20 years. Then I hit 30 years old and added drinking to that, things all kinda came crashing down for me around 36. Now I've completely quit pot and I manage to only drink some wine on the weekends, I still want to quit completely but I'm not ready. I'm single though and don't have many friends or a social life so I'm trying to work on that side now. I'm glad you have your wife by your side to help you through this. I've learned a lot from you and you are a rare force for good in this world.
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