5 Beliefs That Will Ruin Your Friendships & Relationships
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
dianne
i think i just might be ruining all my relationships. i just ticked off all the boxes. maybe everybody feels this way, but i am super scared of being rejected. i am always haunted by thoughts that i will never be enough, that eventually, people will just leave and there is nothing i can do, that i do not have what it takes to keep a person, that they would get tired of me the more they know me. i am now in a relationship for almost two years now, but i still cant help thinking this way. i couldnt really bring it up to him, all these thoughts filling up my mind. i am just scared that when he finds out, he'll be overwhelmed and just leave. i have always been insecure. i have tried to make it go away, but it just don't. i think this may have to do with my childhood, when i was subject to playful bullying by my cousins. i know now that they really didnt mean it, but this feeling of having low self esteem never really went away. i try to always tell myself not to feel this way because it might ruin the things i have now, but every now and then, this anxiety creeps over me. that there are so many people better than me out there. why would they even stick with me. when i do not have any redeeming qualities they could be proud of. that i am just plain and boring and nothing special. even i get sick of me, why wouldnt they?
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i think i just might be ruining all my relationships. i just ticked off all the boxes. maybe everybody feels this way, but i am super scared of being rejected. i am always haunted by thoughts that i will never be enough, that eventually, people will just leave and there is nothing i can do, that i do not have what it takes to keep a person, that they would get tired of me the more they know me. i am now in a relationship for almost two years now, but i still cant help thinking this way. i couldnt really bring it up to him, all these thoughts filling up my mind. i am just scared that when he finds out, he'll be overwhelmed and just leave. i have always been insecure. i have tried to make it go away, but it just don't. i think this may have to do with my childhood, when i was subject to playful bullying by my cousins. i know now that they really didnt mean it, but this feeling of having low self esteem never really went away. i try to always tell myself not to feel this way because it might ruin the things i have now, but every now and then, this anxiety creeps over me. that there are so many people better than me out there. why would they even stick with me. when i do not have any redeeming qualities they could be proud of. that i am just plain and boring and nothing special. even i get sick of me, why wouldnt they?
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kae
I've been hated and replaced so many times now that i'm genuenly scared to open up now. My best friends i had for about 8 months now started ghosting me and replaced me with this other girl. I felt hurt by their actions so i texted one of the two girls and we got into an argument. I asked her if she wanted to hang out because we haven't been hanging out in the past 3 weeks, she answered with idk, not really. I asked her why and she said she enjoys the other girls' company more, because she's funny, cool and a good friend. She said it in a way that made me feel like i wasn't those things. We argued a little more and she said see you tommorrow and i said to her that i wasn't really looking forward to it because she had told me she doesn't care about our friendship. She told me she doesn't give a crap about what i think. We haven't talked after that and she blocked me on everything and deleted me on snapchat.
It's been about half a month now and onestly i'm still really scared to get into a friendship again. I'm glad she didn't out me to the whole school or anything but i was and still am hurt by her actions. I probably could have handled the situation better and not brought up the fact that we haven't been hanging out and atleast saved myself from emotial pain, or even saved the friendship, but idk.
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I've been hated and replaced so many times now that i'm genuenly scared to open up now. My best friends i had for about 8 months now started ghosting me and replaced me with this other girl. I felt hurt by their actions so i texted one of the two girls and we got into an argument. I asked her if she wanted to hang out because we haven't been hanging out in the past 3 weeks, she answered with idk, not really. I asked her why and she said she enjoys the other girls' company more, because she's funny, cool and a good friend. She said it in a way that made me feel like i wasn't those things. We argued a little more and she said see you tommorrow and i said to her that i wasn't really looking forward to it because she had told me she doesn't care about our friendship. She told me she doesn't give a crap about what i think. We haven't talked after that and she blocked me on everything and deleted me on snapchat.
It's been about half a month now and onestly i'm still really scared to get into a friendship again. I'm glad she didn't out me to the whole school or anything but i was and still am hurt by her actions. I probably could have handled the situation better and not brought up the fact that we haven't been hanging out and atleast saved myself from emotial pain, or even saved the friendship, but idk.
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Idk
I have a bestfriend were close but I constantly overthink shell leave me or she doesnt like me or shell replace me with someone better, when she doesnt check on me or something i start to overthink, does she hate me? I always think shes talking behind my back its gotten to the point where i pushed her away, i need constant reassurance, if her attitude changes just a little bit i will start to overthink the whole day which ruins my mood and day, i never told her how i felt because thatd be embarrassing and it might worsen our friendship, im constantly thinking about my bestfriend its like im obsessed with thinking about her (im a girl btw), i always want her around and when a day passes without her talking or her checking on me id breakdown, now i dont know why i feel this way, im just so tired i have no one to talk to so maybe Id receive an advice thatd help me, and thank you
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I have a bestfriend were close but I constantly overthink shell leave me or she doesnt like me or shell replace me with someone better, when she doesnt check on me or something i start to overthink, does she hate me? I always think shes talking behind my back its gotten to the point where i pushed her away, i need constant reassurance, if her attitude changes just a little bit i will start to overthink the whole day which ruins my mood and day, i never told her how i felt because thatd be embarrassing and it might worsen our friendship, im constantly thinking about my bestfriend its like im obsessed with thinking about her (im a girl btw), i always want her around and when a day passes without her talking or her checking on me id breakdown, now i dont know why i feel this way, im just so tired i have no one to talk to so maybe Id receive an advice thatd help me, and thank you
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wolfgangk1
I've been on this planet for over a half-century and have watched the devolution of the character and relationships--and I'm a licensed psychotherapist/counselor. If you have the feeling or impression that folks around you don't care it's probably because most don't. It's a growing phenomenon of our times--and if you step outside yourself you too may be guilty of the same, not giving quality attention to individuals whom you're not interested in engaging in a relationship. Armed with the knowledge, don't take it personally. It is what it is. Don't put yourself out there to only have it unappreciated. Most folks who are impacted by those individuals are typically needy (keeping it real. If that's you, work on yourself. Neediness in a superficial civilization is a bad combination and formula for depression.
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I've been on this planet for over a half-century and have watched the devolution of the character and relationships--and I'm a licensed psychotherapist/counselor. If you have the feeling or impression that folks around you don't care it's probably because most don't. It's a growing phenomenon of our times--and if you step outside yourself you too may be guilty of the same, not giving quality attention to individuals whom you're not interested in engaging in a relationship. Armed with the knowledge, don't take it personally. It is what it is. Don't put yourself out there to only have it unappreciated. Most folks who are impacted by those individuals are typically needy (keeping it real. If that's you, work on yourself. Neediness in a superficial civilization is a bad combination and formula for depression.
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Veronica
As an Aspie, I'm very guilty that people either do not care due to constant social rejection during my childhood or understand me based on even minimal positive reception from them. I want to make friends, I'm just paranoid of feeling betrayed/abandoned by my peers like I felt so many times. That has only happened with Neurotypical peers around my own age though. I do have a few best friends with Autsim and Aspergers. Yet I do feel jealous of my Neurotypical younger sister because she has several best friends, two peer friend groups, and had very minimal social rejection. For me, I never was a part of a friend group, had only a few close friends, and my sister's social experiences sound like a seductive fantasy to me. Honestly, I feel like I really need help with this stuff.
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As an Aspie, I'm very guilty that people either do not care due to constant social rejection during my childhood or understand me based on even minimal positive reception from them. I want to make friends, I'm just paranoid of feeling betrayed/abandoned by my peers like I felt so many times. That has only happened with Neurotypical peers around my own age though. I do have a few best friends with Autsim and Aspergers. Yet I do feel jealous of my Neurotypical younger sister because she has several best friends, two peer friend groups, and had very minimal social rejection. For me, I never was a part of a friend group, had only a few close friends, and my sister's social experiences sound like a seductive fantasy to me. Honestly, I feel like I really need help with this stuff.
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Carol
I met some people at school last year and we started hanging out. we weren't that close at all, so I didn't really care. however, this year one of those people were calling me to play volleyball and chat at the friends group, I felt like he really wanted to be my friend and that he liked me, but whenever I call him to talk, I feel like he only tolerates me and I'm a burden to him and everyone else, just wish I wasn't that insecure and that I could feel this feeling that he loves me, because I do care for him and I wanna get closer, things like what if I'm boring, what if I'm not pretty enough and similar ideas constantly ghost me and I get myself having the same insecurities over and over again, maybe they are going to get away from me because of the way I act?
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I met some people at school last year and we started hanging out. we weren't that close at all, so I didn't really care. however, this year one of those people were calling me to play volleyball and chat at the friends group, I felt like he really wanted to be my friend and that he liked me, but whenever I call him to talk, I feel like he only tolerates me and I'm a burden to him and everyone else, just wish I wasn't that insecure and that I could feel this feeling that he loves me, because I do care for him and I wanna get closer, things like what if I'm boring, what if I'm not pretty enough and similar ideas constantly ghost me and I get myself having the same insecurities over and over again, maybe they are going to get away from me because of the way I act?
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Sparrow
5 beliefs that ruin friendships
1. Am I replaceable
_yes because they want to get a seeking marriage relationship and I'm suddenly out the of picture. _
2. I am meant to be alone
_I'm considered toxic and came from a toxic upbringing_
3. Assuming they do not care
_when not missed, when accused of coming on too strong, they wanting space or admitting they'd rather be with someone else. Yeah I'd say that's a responsible assumption. _
4. Assuming they understand you
_a relationship gets to the point of so many misunderstandings that they give up on me and the relationship. _
5. I am unlovable.
_love dies. So even if they say it now it changes in time. .. a short time. _
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5 beliefs that ruin friendships
1. Am I replaceable
_yes because they want to get a seeking marriage relationship and I'm suddenly out the of picture. _
2. I am meant to be alone
_I'm considered toxic and came from a toxic upbringing_
3. Assuming they do not care
_when not missed, when accused of coming on too strong, they wanting space or admitting they'd rather be with someone else. Yeah I'd say that's a responsible assumption. _
4. Assuming they understand you
_a relationship gets to the point of so many misunderstandings that they give up on me and the relationship. _
5. I am unlovable.
_love dies. So even if they say it now it changes in time. .. a short time. _
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teac? re
Once I stop hitting myself and running in the circle of hiding my personality I will be forgotten, because no one cares for who I am, it's boring to be with me. Of course, everyone including me only wants to be friends with funny and smart extraverted friend with bunch of other friends, who will always create funny events and adventures.
But I'm nothing like that. I try to be funny, I try to make everyone cheer up and think good about me but at the end of the day I lay on my bed exhausted and anxious, because anytime I can burnout and they will leave me.
They always have better options than me so why waste their time on someone who tries and fails to be interesting?
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Once I stop hitting myself and running in the circle of hiding my personality I will be forgotten, because no one cares for who I am, it's boring to be with me. Of course, everyone including me only wants to be friends with funny and smart extraverted friend with bunch of other friends, who will always create funny events and adventures.
But I'm nothing like that. I try to be funny, I try to make everyone cheer up and think good about me but at the end of the day I lay on my bed exhausted and anxious, because anytime I can burnout and they will leave me.
They always have better options than me so why waste their time on someone who tries and fails to be interesting?
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Archangel
I have some issues with crafting personalities tailored to anyone I find interesting or want to be friends with, but I also understand this has to do with poor self-image. My only problem is that I truly do believe people would not like me because of a number of different socially unacceptable beliefs, behaviors, and thoughts. I can control these well (to my own perception at least) and seem like a wide range of varied individuals with distinct mannerisms at will, but this leaves me feeling isolated. If not for my wife's stubbornness in loving me and learning who I am as what passes for a person, I feel that for all the friends I keep I would still be alone
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I have some issues with crafting personalities tailored to anyone I find interesting or want to be friends with, but I also understand this has to do with poor self-image. My only problem is that I truly do believe people would not like me because of a number of different socially unacceptable beliefs, behaviors, and thoughts. I can control these well (to my own perception at least) and seem like a wide range of varied individuals with distinct mannerisms at will, but this leaves me feeling isolated. If not for my wife's stubbornness in loving me and learning who I am as what passes for a person, I feel that for all the friends I keep I would still be alone
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education
6. Friendship means showering your friends with attention, favors, and gifts -- While it's good to be kind to your friends, doing it so people will like you is clingy. People tend to pull away from this, because they feel manipulated, and like their boundaries aren't being respected. Also, we tend to like people who we respect, and it's hard to respect someone when they don't show respect for themselves. I think this is one a lot of people struggle with, because the idea that kindness can chase people away is kind of counter-intuitive.
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6. Friendship means showering your friends with attention, favors, and gifts -- While it's good to be kind to your friends, doing it so people will like you is clingy. People tend to pull away from this, because they feel manipulated, and like their boundaries aren't being respected. Also, we tend to like people who we respect, and it's hard to respect someone when they don't show respect for themselves. I think this is one a lot of people struggle with, because the idea that kindness can chase people away is kind of counter-intuitive.
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Valdemrs
Thank you for making this and all other videos about psychology!
I personally try to work out my past, by telling myself that it was my past and I'm supposed to learn and not mourn for it. Sadly I'm in relationship or have connection that feels genuine, but I don't know her current feelings and based on my previous relationships I try to make excuses why this relationship might also not work, but thankfully my feelings for her are much stronger than excuses, so I keep on going and manage to reduce or avoid them.
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Thank you for making this and all other videos about psychology!
I personally try to work out my past, by telling myself that it was my past and I'm supposed to learn and not mourn for it. Sadly I'm in relationship or have connection that feels genuine, but I don't know her current feelings and based on my previous relationships I try to make excuses why this relationship might also not work, but thankfully my feelings for her are much stronger than excuses, so I keep on going and manage to reduce or avoid them.
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Karolina
I am guilty of these thoughts most of the time. On a good day, they aren't present. I was a victim of bullying for all the years in school, and it left a mark on me. But not all my friendships suffered decay because of my thinking. Sometimes you just find yourself meeting people who are callous and not interested in friendship or prefer shallow interactions. Be genuine, don't try to fit in. It's not worth it.
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I am guilty of these thoughts most of the time. On a good day, they aren't present. I was a victim of bullying for all the years in school, and it left a mark on me. But not all my friendships suffered decay because of my thinking. Sometimes you just find yourself meeting people who are callous and not interested in friendship or prefer shallow interactions. Be genuine, don't try to fit in. It's not worth it.
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2WheelsForever
Lesson learned:
Be a doormat and eat more soy and get accustomed to following your significant other like a good lil puppy carrying her handbag.
Believe the mantra Happy Wife
Happy Life
(cut your balls off while chanting this and sit patiently by like a good BF or husband while she finishes banging Chad or Tyron.
Continue eating the shovels of shit given to you.
Class dismissed.
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Lesson learned:
Be a doormat and eat more soy and get accustomed to following your significant other like a good lil puppy carrying her handbag.
Believe the mantra Happy Wife
Happy Life
(cut your balls off while chanting this and sit patiently by like a good BF or husband while she finishes banging Chad or Tyron.
Continue eating the shovels of shit given to you.
Class dismissed.
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the
I have lived these rules for a good portion of my life. That is sad. Get healed from all you stuff so you don't let this rob you of your meaningful connections in your life. People need you. God made you special to share his light and spread love. Professional therapy is so worth it! You can scrape together some money to try to go at least once a month. Or find one online. You deserve YOU back. We want YOU BACK!
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I have lived these rules for a good portion of my life. That is sad. Get healed from all you stuff so you don't let this rob you of your meaningful connections in your life. People need you. God made you special to share his light and spread love. Professional therapy is so worth it! You can scrape together some money to try to go at least once a month. Or find one online. You deserve YOU back. We want YOU BACK!
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legoboy0109
I mean, logically speaking nobody can truly care about YOU, they can care about you in a superficial way, but because everyone views the world differently and has a million tiny unique pieces that fit together, no one will ever be able to truly know you or care about you, on more than a superficial level, and you will never be able to know or care about someone else either.
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I mean, logically speaking nobody can truly care about YOU, they can care about you in a superficial way, but because everyone views the world differently and has a million tiny unique pieces that fit together, no one will ever be able to truly know you or care about you, on more than a superficial level, and you will never be able to know or care about someone else either.
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Rimma
I can relate to all 5 as well.
My college roommates and classmates are friendly strangers and buddies in school. we have different personalities, upbringingings and mentalities. We study different things. Sometimes we play Frisbee on Saturday mornings. Once I envited one of my roommates to my ballet recital. She in turn invited me to a bar. Where some boys asked us to dance.
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I can relate to all 5 as well.
My college roommates and classmates are friendly strangers and buddies in school. we have different personalities, upbringingings and mentalities. We study different things. Sometimes we play Frisbee on Saturday mornings. Once I envited one of my roommates to my ballet recital. She in turn invited me to a bar. Where some boys asked us to dance.
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Valentina28
Its so exhausting and disencouraging Meeting new ppl everytime and seeing that most friendships wont last long and end up fading away; then, u see urself regretting some things (cause u put a lot of effort, time and energy into it and the other much less. And it repeats itself so u hide behind a shell and most of the time are lonely because u are fed up of starting again
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Its so exhausting and disencouraging Meeting new ppl everytime and seeing that most friendships wont last long and end up fading away; then, u see urself regretting some things (cause u put a lot of effort, time and energy into it and the other much less. And it repeats itself so u hide behind a shell and most of the time are lonely because u are fed up of starting again
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Minh
I used to have the first one and the last one of those beliefs, cuz of so many times when I'm the real me, they've gone away and not like me anymore.
Until I met friends who accepted who I am, it simply verified all the left-over isn't made for me and I haven't to feel guilty about it, just take my time to find one who can accept who I am, and I do so to their
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I used to have the first one and the last one of those beliefs, cuz of so many times when I'm the real me, they've gone away and not like me anymore.
Until I met friends who accepted who I am, it simply verified all the left-over isn't made for me and I haven't to feel guilty about it, just take my time to find one who can accept who I am, and I do so to their
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Ace
Im 24 but sometimes my inner child just needs videos like these. Like Ill feel her upset about something and Im like okay o hear you sweetheart and I turn on videos like this that can really speak to her and relate to her and me too as the adult her thank you!
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Im 24 but sometimes my inner child just needs videos like these. Like Ill feel her upset about something and Im like okay o hear you sweetheart and I turn on videos like this that can really speak to her and relate to her and me too as the adult her thank you!
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Dude
When having good relations with people, I feel urges to distance myself in order to not ruin that relationship. And to preserve the best version of myself in their minds. But in many cases, I noticed in itself is causing the relationship to crash.
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When having good relations with people, I feel urges to distance myself in order to not ruin that relationship. And to preserve the best version of myself in their minds. But in many cases, I noticed in itself is causing the relationship to crash.
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MigAudist
What if I'm just an introvert?
I find it hard to make good friends with people that are in close proximities to me. But I have online friends. I don't really desire to have friends? If people want me around than cool.
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What if I'm just an introvert?
I find it hard to make good friends with people that are in close proximities to me. But I have online friends. I don't really desire to have friends? If people want me around than cool.
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Mohammad
ME: A lot MORE than the following. Nobody texts, calls, or even hangs out with me. PLUS I suffer from anxiety and ADHD. I had a few friends but it seems like they all disappeared in a blink of an eye.
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ME: A lot MORE than the following. Nobody texts, calls, or even hangs out with me. PLUS I suffer from anxiety and ADHD. I had a few friends but it seems like they all disappeared in a blink of an eye.
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Jay
Firstly everybody loves me. If they don't that's because they're not a good person and I don't like them. Lastly there are certain people who are destined to be alone because their personality sucks.
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Firstly everybody loves me. If they don't that's because they're not a good person and I don't like them. Lastly there are certain people who are destined to be alone because their personality sucks.
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education
Im just a loyal person to all my loved ones. Thats how I keep friends and loved ones. Sometimes its a bad thing because Im just silent and I dont really talk up and I just agree with them.
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Im just a loyal person to all my loved ones. Thats how I keep friends and loved ones. Sometimes its a bad thing because Im just silent and I dont really talk up and I just agree with them.
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Jenna
None of these, however people stay away from me because of rumors spread about me from bad exes of mine. They all formed some culty thing together against me and drove my friends away
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None of these, however people stay away from me because of rumors spread about me from bad exes of mine. They all formed some culty thing together against me and drove my friends away
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