8 Signs of an Anxious Attachment Style
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
mida
i am definitely anxious attachment style. ive always brushed off my early childhood as irrelevant because i didnt think it matters now but after getting overly attached to people, i wondered why i became super clingy and emotionally dependent on people that cared and showed me attention. i remember now that when i was a kid i was very anxious, super quiet and i hated going to school/new environments because i had to leave my parents and i would start crying once my parent left me with the teachers. the teachers would comfort me and slowly i would adapt to the new environment but i remember days i would just cry because i didnt want to be at school. my parents would yell at me if i cried for no apparent reason and i think this led to me bottling up my emotions when i was younger and thats something that i still do now. they were there for me but then sometimes they completely ignored me and my emotional needs. i think this is why i become very dependent on people that show me attention and validate me. i think it fills in my younger selfs unfulfilled needs. it explains why i get very needy for attention and feel like i need their comfort to be happy.
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i am definitely anxious attachment style. ive always brushed off my early childhood as irrelevant because i didnt think it matters now but after getting overly attached to people, i wondered why i became super clingy and emotionally dependent on people that cared and showed me attention. i remember now that when i was a kid i was very anxious, super quiet and i hated going to school/new environments because i had to leave my parents and i would start crying once my parent left me with the teachers. the teachers would comfort me and slowly i would adapt to the new environment but i remember days i would just cry because i didnt want to be at school. my parents would yell at me if i cried for no apparent reason and i think this led to me bottling up my emotions when i was younger and thats something that i still do now. they were there for me but then sometimes they completely ignored me and my emotional needs. i think this is why i become very dependent on people that show me attention and validate me. i think it fills in my younger selfs unfulfilled needs. it explains why i get very needy for attention and feel like i need their comfort to be happy.
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Hydrogen
I always feared of losing my parents as far back in to childhood as I remember (aka around 3 yo) and I still have that fear. Even tho It's not so strong anymore.
The problem is I don't understand why I have this fear. I couldn't ask for nicest parents. That were and still are so nice to me and my siblings.
Obviously this fear makes It quite complicated for finding relationship, because whenever I find someone I feel like I will loose my parents. Like I would trade my parents for the person I like and therefore lose my parents. Even tho they're nice and very supportive of me.
And there's also the fear of rejection that complicates finding a relationship even more.
And sometimes very low self esteem. Not always tho.
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I always feared of losing my parents as far back in to childhood as I remember (aka around 3 yo) and I still have that fear. Even tho It's not so strong anymore.
The problem is I don't understand why I have this fear. I couldn't ask for nicest parents. That were and still are so nice to me and my siblings.
Obviously this fear makes It quite complicated for finding relationship, because whenever I find someone I feel like I will loose my parents. Like I would trade my parents for the person I like and therefore lose my parents. Even tho they're nice and very supportive of me.
And there's also the fear of rejection that complicates finding a relationship even more.
And sometimes very low self esteem. Not always tho.
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AMJ
My best friend of 6 years is attached to me in this way. I try so hard to help and reassure to her that Im her true friend and that I put things that hurt me aside just to keep her feelings safe but its so hard. I dont mind that shes clingy but she gets mad at me if I say I need time alone or if I get busy and reply late and she will assume that Im mad at her when its never the case, and istg I know why shes this way but I hope she changes to better and even though life hits me so hard sometimes Ill make sure to be there and I hope I dont get tired of explaining myself when she puts me under this pressure. because it really hurts me when she worries all the time and I start feeling helpless. I want nothing but a good rest for her.
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My best friend of 6 years is attached to me in this way. I try so hard to help and reassure to her that Im her true friend and that I put things that hurt me aside just to keep her feelings safe but its so hard. I dont mind that shes clingy but she gets mad at me if I say I need time alone or if I get busy and reply late and she will assume that Im mad at her when its never the case, and istg I know why shes this way but I hope she changes to better and even though life hits me so hard sometimes Ill make sure to be there and I hope I dont get tired of explaining myself when she puts me under this pressure. because it really hurts me when she worries all the time and I start feeling helpless. I want nothing but a good rest for her.
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Bogdan
I understand that having an anxious attachment style can be damaging for your partner. On the other hand, this is usually presented, like it doesn't make any sense. Hey! Everybody is so kind and trustworthy! Sure, there are some exceptions, but no one is perfect. I haven't met these nice, trustworthy people. I'm not sure I am one myself. It's so easy to take from others vs making an effort to create a safe environment.
I've been in a relationship in which she didn't respond to texts or phone calls during the weekend. I felt very anxious during those days. She told me later she was married and in the weekend she would be with her husband. This is what people do. Where are the healthy, stable ones psychologists describe?
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I understand that having an anxious attachment style can be damaging for your partner. On the other hand, this is usually presented, like it doesn't make any sense. Hey! Everybody is so kind and trustworthy! Sure, there are some exceptions, but no one is perfect. I haven't met these nice, trustworthy people. I'm not sure I am one myself. It's so easy to take from others vs making an effort to create a safe environment.
I've been in a relationship in which she didn't respond to texts or phone calls during the weekend. I felt very anxious during those days. She told me later she was married and in the weekend she would be with her husband. This is what people do. Where are the healthy, stable ones psychologists describe?
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snicks
Yes.
I think this was mainly caused by me growing up with selective mutism. I couldnt properly interact with people, and just kept my mouth shut to anyone other than my close family and a select few I felt comfortable with. Because of that I didnt have very many friends, and I couldnt really connect with anyone. So whenever I did make a close friend, I ended up developing a strong attachment to them that also came with the fear that one day theyd abandon me and Id be alone again. I also never really talked to my parents about my problems, I just bottled them up and even when they caught me crying I couldnt open up. It also doesnt help that I am an infj.
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Yes.
I think this was mainly caused by me growing up with selective mutism. I couldnt properly interact with people, and just kept my mouth shut to anyone other than my close family and a select few I felt comfortable with. Because of that I didnt have very many friends, and I couldnt really connect with anyone. So whenever I did make a close friend, I ended up developing a strong attachment to them that also came with the fear that one day theyd abandon me and Id be alone again. I also never really talked to my parents about my problems, I just bottled them up and even when they caught me crying I couldnt open up. It also doesnt help that I am an infj.
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ManChild
I have this attachment style, problem is I cant find the reason. it hurts my relationship. my gf is working at a profession that requires her to meet alot of people and travel alot. which makes it even worse. I'm feeling bad for her, she is the best woman ive ever know, she's never do something that make me doubt her. but some part of me still worry she gonna cheat or abandon me. I know i'm really toxic person, and its only get worse. I hurt her in so many way, I snooping over her phone, constant desire to check her phone, constant desire to know where is she, and who she is with. A big trust issue and i afraid i somehow push her away further and further.
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I have this attachment style, problem is I cant find the reason. it hurts my relationship. my gf is working at a profession that requires her to meet alot of people and travel alot. which makes it even worse. I'm feeling bad for her, she is the best woman ive ever know, she's never do something that make me doubt her. but some part of me still worry she gonna cheat or abandon me. I know i'm really toxic person, and its only get worse. I hurt her in so many way, I snooping over her phone, constant desire to check her phone, constant desire to know where is she, and who she is with. A big trust issue and i afraid i somehow push her away further and further.
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Gryphox:
1. I don't have a partner. I don't know that I ever will. kind of due to this exact stuff.
2. Spot on. Not from my parents at all, though. My parents are amazing people, actually.
3. I don't have a partner. I don't know that I ever will. kind of due to this exact stuff. Friends, yes.
4. So much.
5. Likewise to 2, I am certain it was more school than my parents, they were the only ones who WERE there for me.
6. Criticism is the thing I actually handle well, due to practicing art for so long.
7. I crave it but feel I won't ever _have_ any.
8. And again, I always feel unworthy.
7: 8, sounds like me.
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1. I don't have a partner. I don't know that I ever will. kind of due to this exact stuff.
2. Spot on. Not from my parents at all, though. My parents are amazing people, actually.
3. I don't have a partner. I don't know that I ever will. kind of due to this exact stuff. Friends, yes.
4. So much.
5. Likewise to 2, I am certain it was more school than my parents, they were the only ones who WERE there for me.
6. Criticism is the thing I actually handle well, due to practicing art for so long.
7. I crave it but feel I won't ever _have_ any.
8. And again, I always feel unworthy.
7: 8, sounds like me.
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education
The part of fearing but also craving intimacy is so true. Its scary and makes me uncomfortable because in a weird way I feel like I dont deserve intimacy and its hard to trust someone enough to have that intimacy with, but at the same time I still crave it because its an experience thats so foreign to me. I need that connection just like any other human being, I just have to put in a little more work to get it.
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The part of fearing but also craving intimacy is so true. Its scary and makes me uncomfortable because in a weird way I feel like I dont deserve intimacy and its hard to trust someone enough to have that intimacy with, but at the same time I still crave it because its an experience thats so foreign to me. I need that connection just like any other human being, I just have to put in a little more work to get it.
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Sweet
The person I'm with seems to think I have an anxious attachment style but when I watch this, it doesn't really resonate with me and when I did the test on the attachment project site, it said I have a secure attachment style. She's definitely avoidant though and I think part of that means projecting this anxiousness on to me. I just need to make her feel safe, I guess.
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The person I'm with seems to think I have an anxious attachment style but when I watch this, it doesn't really resonate with me and when I did the test on the attachment project site, it said I have a secure attachment style. She's definitely avoidant though and I think part of that means projecting this anxiousness on to me. I just need to make her feel safe, I guess.
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Amy
Dependency or over-reliance in relationships is something I've struggled with too much since entering my 20's. I'm close to being 31 and single for the first time in a long time. Whenever I recognize this behavior, stepping back and allowing myself to be alone with my thoughts doesn't come easy sometimes, especially whenever I'm too focused on my emotions.
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Dependency or over-reliance in relationships is something I've struggled with too much since entering my 20's. I'm close to being 31 and single for the first time in a long time. Whenever I recognize this behavior, stepping back and allowing myself to be alone with my thoughts doesn't come easy sometimes, especially whenever I'm too focused on my emotions.
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Cabrera
One of the reasons I have this attachment style is because of depression, I'm currently on treatment but when I hit a low point, it comes back again and stronger. Sometimes I cannot control it and end up hurting my partner in ways I didn't intend to. I wish I didn't have this. Even if I know it's not my fault, can't help but feel guilty about it.
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One of the reasons I have this attachment style is because of depression, I'm currently on treatment but when I hit a low point, it comes back again and stronger. Sometimes I cannot control it and end up hurting my partner in ways I didn't intend to. I wish I didn't have this. Even if I know it's not my fault, can't help but feel guilty about it.
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2D
I was incredibly secure and never afraid of her leaving me during our relationship. But when she suddenly broke up with me I was emotionally destroyed. The girl who I loved so much and who loved me so much, how could she suddenly stop loving me? Now I feel like extremely anxious attachment. How can I ever trust my heart to someone again?
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I was incredibly secure and never afraid of her leaving me during our relationship. But when she suddenly broke up with me I was emotionally destroyed. The girl who I loved so much and who loved me so much, how could she suddenly stop loving me? Now I feel like extremely anxious attachment. How can I ever trust my heart to someone again?
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Jaden
I'm an anxious-avoidant attachment style and this hits hard. It's like I crave intimacy with people, but can't handle it and then become avoidant, but then when they start to pull away I get really clingy and possessive. It sucks honestly. I dont know what caused this? I dont think I had a traumatic childhood or anything.
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I'm an anxious-avoidant attachment style and this hits hard. It's like I crave intimacy with people, but can't handle it and then become avoidant, but then when they start to pull away I get really clingy and possessive. It sucks honestly. I dont know what caused this? I dont think I had a traumatic childhood or anything.
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blah
I have this but instead of becoming overly clingy and needy, I become cold and avoidant. I don't have a fear of being alone but I have a fear of being rejected/left when I'm giving it my all so I pull back so when/if a relationship ends, Im able to have a excuse of why it ended
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I have this but instead of becoming overly clingy and needy, I become cold and avoidant. I don't have a fear of being alone but I have a fear of being rejected/left when I'm giving it my all so I pull back so when/if a relationship ends, Im able to have a excuse of why it ended
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Marco's
I had this with my first relationship, but it was pretty minor. she convinced me that we were good with each other, then left me a month later. My anxious attachment style has been heightened and it's hard to actually want love again and think it's just guaranteed pain.
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I had this with my first relationship, but it was pretty minor. she convinced me that we were good with each other, then left me a month later. My anxious attachment style has been heightened and it's hard to actually want love again and think it's just guaranteed pain.
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Olga
I've been trying to figure out my attachment style, I relate to some of the signs from this video (clinginess, emotional neediness, sometimes I feel insecure in relationships. If I relate to less than a half of the signs, could it be still my attachment style?
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I've been trying to figure out my attachment style, I relate to some of the signs from this video (clinginess, emotional neediness, sometimes I feel insecure in relationships. If I relate to less than a half of the signs, could it be still my attachment style?
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Melvin
Didnt know I had this until I got into a messed up situationship. I feel I have this but I also dont because when I tell my close friends the facts of what my partner is doing, they tell me its not me and that I need to leave this shitty situation
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Didnt know I had this until I got into a messed up situationship. I feel I have this but I also dont because when I tell my close friends the facts of what my partner is doing, they tell me its not me and that I need to leave this shitty situation
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Matt32
I had my first session today and he mentioned digging into this more. I feel relieved what Ive always felt isn't something Im alone in and there is a name for it and a way to change my framework or how I see myself and relationships. Step by step
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I had my first session today and he mentioned digging into this more. I feel relieved what Ive always felt isn't something Im alone in and there is a name for it and a way to change my framework or how I see myself and relationships. Step by step
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Elizabeth
Psilocybin saved my life. I was addicted to heroin for 15 years and after Psilocybin treatment I will be 3 years clean in September. I have zero cravings. This is something that truly needs to be more broadly used in addiction treatment.
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Psilocybin saved my life. I was addicted to heroin for 15 years and after Psilocybin treatment I will be 3 years clean in September. I have zero cravings. This is something that truly needs to be more broadly used in addiction treatment.
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hammer
all these times i thought i was depressed for whatever reason I may have in life but NO. This video described every single characteristic of me and I finally figured out this is exactly what was triggering me the entire time.
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all these times i thought i was depressed for whatever reason I may have in life but NO. This video described every single characteristic of me and I finally figured out this is exactly what was triggering me the entire time.
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Flameco
I struggle with all of these but having a hard time trusting people. I trust my lover so much. My only worry is if they will leave me. The worst part is I don't even know where i got anxious attachment from.
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I struggle with all of these but having a hard time trusting people. I trust my lover so much. My only worry is if they will leave me. The worst part is I don't even know where i got anxious attachment from.
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Leah
Is it fair to say that anxious attachment can appear like avoidant/anxious avoidant in some ways since those with this attachment style walk a fine line between craving intimacy and fearing it?
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Is it fair to say that anxious attachment can appear like avoidant/anxious avoidant in some ways since those with this attachment style walk a fine line between craving intimacy and fearing it?
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Doi
ok but how do i fix it. it's cool that we know we have it. I can' t just trust, the same way i can't just turn off my want and desire to be around my partner as much as possible.
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ok but how do i fix it. it's cool that we know we have it. I can' t just trust, the same way i can't just turn off my want and desire to be around my partner as much as possible.
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Witty
Mine stems from family. And I am currently drowning in it. I know my partner loves me, but if he does not do something I am used to, then it flares up badly. Like now. :/
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Mine stems from family. And I am currently drowning in it. I know my partner loves me, but if he does not do something I am used to, then it flares up badly. Like now. :/
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jerr
trying to figure out if i have an anxious attachment mixed with not knowing how to properly express myself or if it's just anxiety and not knowing how to express myself
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trying to figure out if i have an anxious attachment mixed with not knowing how to properly express myself or if it's just anxiety and not knowing how to express myself
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