Abandonment Issues: Signs, Causes & How to Overcome
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
Mario
I've been struggling with this for a while. Most recently, a girl that I've been hanging out with and talking with is mutual friends with my ex-girlfriend, who used to accuse me of cheating, threatened to leave me multiple times, and told me to kill myself when she dumped me (over text.
Said friend hanging out with my ex was something that bothered me but I wanted to let it slide. But after she kept talking about my ex continuously, it awakened something in me and I told her how I felt. She told me I'm sorry to not please you and went off on me being toxic and controlling of her friendship. I had no control over who she hung out with but my ex was treating her like dirt, ditching her in abandoned places, etc. And even tore her family apart.
Both my ex-girlfriend leaving and now a friend that I placed trust in (my fault, by the way, has caused me incredible pain. I have not dated in four years and am doing my best to look towards the future. I know I'll meet a girl who will love me as much as I love them. Love is both ways, my relationship was one sided. I'm done being abused.
Men can be abused too. It's only now that I've openly discussed my hurt like this.
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I've been struggling with this for a while. Most recently, a girl that I've been hanging out with and talking with is mutual friends with my ex-girlfriend, who used to accuse me of cheating, threatened to leave me multiple times, and told me to kill myself when she dumped me (over text.
Said friend hanging out with my ex was something that bothered me but I wanted to let it slide. But after she kept talking about my ex continuously, it awakened something in me and I told her how I felt. She told me I'm sorry to not please you and went off on me being toxic and controlling of her friendship. I had no control over who she hung out with but my ex was treating her like dirt, ditching her in abandoned places, etc. And even tore her family apart.
Both my ex-girlfriend leaving and now a friend that I placed trust in (my fault, by the way, has caused me incredible pain. I have not dated in four years and am doing my best to look towards the future. I know I'll meet a girl who will love me as much as I love them. Love is both ways, my relationship was one sided. I'm done being abused.
Men can be abused too. It's only now that I've openly discussed my hurt like this.
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TaaliaPlays
I think i might have abandonment issues
im not trying to self diagnose tho
its just, before i've been bullied and ditched by friends and now im scared i'll lose my friends whenever i feel leftout, and i hate being a controlling friend because im not that
sometimes i'll overthink about it and just idk get anxious they'll leave me or betray me
and when i was 9, my grandpa died and i saw his body at the funeral, with no warning, ik it sounds like something not to get traumatised over but
imagine a 9 year old innocent muslim girl seeing a DEAD body with no warning!
and now i always overthink that my family will die when i go to school
eg:
i'll be walking to school and i'll overthink that oh ur house will burn down with ur parents in it, go home and check check check check
and i always want my parents to walk me to school still: /
is this abandonment issues? or something else
(btw i have adhd, social anxiety which are both diagnosed. and i also might have ocd im getting diagnosed soon)
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I think i might have abandonment issues
im not trying to self diagnose tho
its just, before i've been bullied and ditched by friends and now im scared i'll lose my friends whenever i feel leftout, and i hate being a controlling friend because im not that
sometimes i'll overthink about it and just idk get anxious they'll leave me or betray me
and when i was 9, my grandpa died and i saw his body at the funeral, with no warning, ik it sounds like something not to get traumatised over but
imagine a 9 year old innocent muslim girl seeing a DEAD body with no warning!
and now i always overthink that my family will die when i go to school
eg:
i'll be walking to school and i'll overthink that oh ur house will burn down with ur parents in it, go home and check check check check
and i always want my parents to walk me to school still: /
is this abandonment issues? or something else
(btw i have adhd, social anxiety which are both diagnosed. and i also might have ocd im getting diagnosed soon)
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Laura
I didn't think I had this. When people would vask me if I was affected by my parents divorce when I was 11 years old I would say No but now I know it has affected me badly. My dad was not around much he was always traveling and womanizing my mom was wife number 6 there was also wife 7 and 8 plus when he was home he didn't care about us he didn't care about our school or our friends or interests. Now I fear being abandoned by my husband because he has affairs my brother in law left his wife for another woman and he had many affairs plus so many other people I know with same situations. I am afraid of being alone and ending up lonely. I now feel so much insecurities and I can't move on. I now regret ever getting married. I should have never married so I wouldn't be feeling this way. I now feel ugly unworthy of being loved I feel I am not good enough for anyone I feel we weren't good enough for our father He only cared about the next wife the next mistress the next ex-wife. I am afraid
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I didn't think I had this. When people would vask me if I was affected by my parents divorce when I was 11 years old I would say No but now I know it has affected me badly. My dad was not around much he was always traveling and womanizing my mom was wife number 6 there was also wife 7 and 8 plus when he was home he didn't care about us he didn't care about our school or our friends or interests. Now I fear being abandoned by my husband because he has affairs my brother in law left his wife for another woman and he had many affairs plus so many other people I know with same situations. I am afraid of being alone and ending up lonely. I now feel so much insecurities and I can't move on. I now regret ever getting married. I should have never married so I wouldn't be feeling this way. I now feel ugly unworthy of being loved I feel I am not good enough for anyone I feel we weren't good enough for our father He only cared about the next wife the next mistress the next ex-wife. I am afraid
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RagingSaviorKami
I just have a crush at the moment, we talk alot and have good chemistry. This is 3 years after my last relationship, in which I also had a lot of fears, which in the end turned out to be true. I got cheated on in last two of my relationships. 2 out of 3. Yep, that's how many people I've been with, at the age of 26. This is because I was abused and bullied as a kid, rejected one too many times and all of this in the end led to me hating myself and feeling completely alone.
In any case, I'm already having nightmares about being cheated on and left for another guy, and we aren't even in a relationship yet. I'm obsessing and I don't know how to stop. It's clear that we both like each other, or at least I think that's the case, but I'm not sure I should pursue it. You never know when someone is going to get tired of their clingy boyfriend, or simply bored and leave.
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I just have a crush at the moment, we talk alot and have good chemistry. This is 3 years after my last relationship, in which I also had a lot of fears, which in the end turned out to be true. I got cheated on in last two of my relationships. 2 out of 3. Yep, that's how many people I've been with, at the age of 26. This is because I was abused and bullied as a kid, rejected one too many times and all of this in the end led to me hating myself and feeling completely alone.
In any case, I'm already having nightmares about being cheated on and left for another guy, and we aren't even in a relationship yet. I'm obsessing and I don't know how to stop. It's clear that we both like each other, or at least I think that's the case, but I'm not sure I should pursue it. You never know when someone is going to get tired of their clingy boyfriend, or simply bored and leave.
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Wild
Every time I make any kind of ground on this people leave me I always try to get answers to see where I can improve but its other trauma related issues like my tendency for outbursts (not at people at things I see as unfair, so mainly btching about the world or my clinginess)
I really need to work on the way I hold onto to people because I either hold on so tight they slip out of my fingers or I let them go completely because Im so afraid of being hurt. I have no one. My family all disowned me and pretty much all of my friends have moved on with their lives
I rely way too much on relationships but I dont have anything else that makes me happy anymore and I have no one to fall back on
I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and just get over it but I dont really know how to do that I always end back up in the same headspace
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Every time I make any kind of ground on this people leave me I always try to get answers to see where I can improve but its other trauma related issues like my tendency for outbursts (not at people at things I see as unfair, so mainly btching about the world or my clinginess)
I really need to work on the way I hold onto to people because I either hold on so tight they slip out of my fingers or I let them go completely because Im so afraid of being hurt. I have no one. My family all disowned me and pretty much all of my friends have moved on with their lives
I rely way too much on relationships but I dont have anything else that makes me happy anymore and I have no one to fall back on
I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and just get over it but I dont really know how to do that I always end back up in the same headspace
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Catrzz
My dad left me when I was 4 and my mother was in and out of my life. Honestly she is no longer in my life anymore. I have so many bad feelings inside of me because of this. I feel jealous, neglected, forgotten, and abounded whenever my friends are having fun with others. I know its selfish. It really affects me and how I am able to control my behaviors. I act how I act when I was 10 years old. I have been working on trying to change for a long time. I'm letting go of the past and I forgive my parents. I am finding peace within myself and am Trying to stop feeling all of the emotions I feel deep inside. I know I am mentally unstable. I hurt my loved ones. It's my goal to make it up to them and heal myself. I will not give up. I will not seek attention and will learn to control my emotions and not make problems out of nothing.
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My dad left me when I was 4 and my mother was in and out of my life. Honestly she is no longer in my life anymore. I have so many bad feelings inside of me because of this. I feel jealous, neglected, forgotten, and abounded whenever my friends are having fun with others. I know its selfish. It really affects me and how I am able to control my behaviors. I act how I act when I was 10 years old. I have been working on trying to change for a long time. I'm letting go of the past and I forgive my parents. I am finding peace within myself and am Trying to stop feeling all of the emotions I feel deep inside. I know I am mentally unstable. I hurt my loved ones. It's my goal to make it up to them and heal myself. I will not give up. I will not seek attention and will learn to control my emotions and not make problems out of nothing.
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Alina
Because of abandonment in childhood, one parent keep me to distance and very cold to me, and the other one past away, and other people who left me. Now as an adult, I can't manage to have a relationship with a man, I keep distance, I'm very cold, I can't manage a commitment In a relationship, involuntary I hurt some people! I'm very scared when I will be old, that I would end up alone because I keep distance, I don't want to keep distance and anable to commit in a relationship. It's something I can't control! I don't know because of my trust issues from the past, or because I have trust issues about myself, not hurting a sincere person to get closer to me! Because I don't trust in love and commitment anymore! I can't manage to have a long time relationship! But the fear of abandonment, still hunting me!
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Because of abandonment in childhood, one parent keep me to distance and very cold to me, and the other one past away, and other people who left me. Now as an adult, I can't manage to have a relationship with a man, I keep distance, I'm very cold, I can't manage a commitment In a relationship, involuntary I hurt some people! I'm very scared when I will be old, that I would end up alone because I keep distance, I don't want to keep distance and anable to commit in a relationship. It's something I can't control! I don't know because of my trust issues from the past, or because I have trust issues about myself, not hurting a sincere person to get closer to me! Because I don't trust in love and commitment anymore! I can't manage to have a long time relationship! But the fear of abandonment, still hunting me!
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Nola
I don' t think I fear abandonment and have those issues, my issue was that I was an over giver and to those that didn' t deserve it wether it was a friend or lover, i' ve learned more about reciprocation if you don' t give I don't, every relationship needs that balance and as for Ghosting it may be more normal/ main stream in society but it still dosen' t make it right or acceptable, I have called ppl out on it that feel they can just come and go in my life and/ or disappear then come back when they want without any explanation or accountability, let' s just call it what it is, it is ignorant, rude and childish just to name a few, say something say good bye be an adult.
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I don' t think I fear abandonment and have those issues, my issue was that I was an over giver and to those that didn' t deserve it wether it was a friend or lover, i' ve learned more about reciprocation if you don' t give I don't, every relationship needs that balance and as for Ghosting it may be more normal/ main stream in society but it still dosen' t make it right or acceptable, I have called ppl out on it that feel they can just come and go in my life and/ or disappear then come back when they want without any explanation or accountability, let' s just call it what it is, it is ignorant, rude and childish just to name a few, say something say good bye be an adult.
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Suzanne
I feel totally alone, and its distressing: instead of proactively trying to make contact with folks, this Christmas and New Year for various health-related and practical reasons, I took a back seat, and guess what happened? Nothing. I was totally invisible, and was literally - including physically - all alone throughout this time (as is the case on any other day. If I could find a simple painless way to end things Ill probably plan that for the next festive season. Im 56, whilst I feel my life is almost over, i have always lived alone, not married, widowed or even divorced, no children either - none of this was from choice. What a waste of life!
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I feel totally alone, and its distressing: instead of proactively trying to make contact with folks, this Christmas and New Year for various health-related and practical reasons, I took a back seat, and guess what happened? Nothing. I was totally invisible, and was literally - including physically - all alone throughout this time (as is the case on any other day. If I could find a simple painless way to end things Ill probably plan that for the next festive season. Im 56, whilst I feel my life is almost over, i have always lived alone, not married, widowed or even divorced, no children either - none of this was from choice. What a waste of life!
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JynnVynn
Im starting to think because I moved a lot in early childhood, Id make friends, then have to start over, again and again, and even when my family settled, each new school year I somehow find my self friendless again, even if they were assigned in the same class as me, so Id have to start over, and eventually Id go entire years without a friend. Fortunately mid-way thru high school my friend count exploded and into college and now currently have a few close homies, but not as close as Id thought. Probably is why I feel lonely often and fear being left behind. I miss some of my old friends before the move.
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Im starting to think because I moved a lot in early childhood, Id make friends, then have to start over, again and again, and even when my family settled, each new school year I somehow find my self friendless again, even if they were assigned in the same class as me, so Id have to start over, and eventually Id go entire years without a friend. Fortunately mid-way thru high school my friend count exploded and into college and now currently have a few close homies, but not as close as Id thought. Probably is why I feel lonely often and fear being left behind. I miss some of my old friends before the move.
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BiggBaggBanditt
I was left alone as a child, from 3 years old. By myself, I dont remember my experiences I believe I blocked them out but I can only imagine how fearful and traumatized I was being left home alone as a toddler. Then having a parent with a mental illness made for a dysfunctional and inconsistent environment. All I want is to be normal and have real attachments to people without thinking about or dreading the removal of that person from my life. Its almost like because I was alone so much that its the most familiar feeling to me. And although I hate it, loneliness is very much comfortable.
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I was left alone as a child, from 3 years old. By myself, I dont remember my experiences I believe I blocked them out but I can only imagine how fearful and traumatized I was being left home alone as a toddler. Then having a parent with a mental illness made for a dysfunctional and inconsistent environment. All I want is to be normal and have real attachments to people without thinking about or dreading the removal of that person from my life. Its almost like because I was alone so much that its the most familiar feeling to me. And although I hate it, loneliness is very much comfortable.
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Bianca
Vent cause I cant stop thinking about it: i hate thinking about it because it clouds my mind and I cant get my work done. I was in a boarding school for 6 years and as a kid I seen it as my family didnt want me any more. It doesnt help that it was on the other side of the country. So when I returned home I was 17 and its like Im a whole new person to them. I missed out on all the regular things teenagers do. I didnt know anyone in this town, Im in the process of making new friends. So far I have the great fear that I wont ever connect with my family or meet new people because of there absence
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Vent cause I cant stop thinking about it: i hate thinking about it because it clouds my mind and I cant get my work done. I was in a boarding school for 6 years and as a kid I seen it as my family didnt want me any more. It doesnt help that it was on the other side of the country. So when I returned home I was 17 and its like Im a whole new person to them. I missed out on all the regular things teenagers do. I didnt know anyone in this town, Im in the process of making new friends. So far I have the great fear that I wont ever connect with my family or meet new people because of there absence
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крысятник
My dad left when my mum got pregnant. Then my mum left me at 4 months old in a supermarket. Then my grandparents adopted me and were eventually charged with neglect and I ended up in a care home. There I was bullied by the corrupt care system and their workers. All the boyfriends I've ever had were nice at first, then turned abusive. There seems to be a pattern with people and their poor behaviour. Now I am overly independent and isolated with no friends. I still have hope for someone special to come into my life, always.
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My dad left when my mum got pregnant. Then my mum left me at 4 months old in a supermarket. Then my grandparents adopted me and were eventually charged with neglect and I ended up in a care home. There I was bullied by the corrupt care system and their workers. All the boyfriends I've ever had were nice at first, then turned abusive. There seems to be a pattern with people and their poor behaviour. Now I am overly independent and isolated with no friends. I still have hope for someone special to come into my life, always.
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r011ing_thunder
I feel like I actively seek it like little things like seeing a friend getting along well with another of their friends and I take it as well I know what's that means for me then. Guess I should cut myself off before they do it when them getting along with a friend means nothing about where I stand with them. It's just that I see them getting along better than they do with me that makes me feel boring. And I know that's one of the things I believe about myself is that I'm boring.
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I feel like I actively seek it like little things like seeing a friend getting along well with another of their friends and I take it as well I know what's that means for me then. Guess I should cut myself off before they do it when them getting along with a friend means nothing about where I stand with them. It's just that I see them getting along better than they do with me that makes me feel boring. And I know that's one of the things I believe about myself is that I'm boring.
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Sam
Everything is true. Lost my mom at 12 it was January then my gradma become our(my brother(13) and I) care giver. Lost her same year October then lived from relative to relative ever since. How I deal with this is I reject and cut off people very quickly. I know people are not meant to stay in my life. Help me heal because this is painful. I am at a place where I do not want anyone around me I rather know that I will die alone and I am waiting for that day to come sooner
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Everything is true. Lost my mom at 12 it was January then my gradma become our(my brother(13) and I) care giver. Lost her same year October then lived from relative to relative ever since. How I deal with this is I reject and cut off people very quickly. I know people are not meant to stay in my life. Help me heal because this is painful. I am at a place where I do not want anyone around me I rather know that I will die alone and I am waiting for that day to come sooner
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Amina
I know that we're all broken in one way or another but having the realisation of how and why hitting you all at once is simply overwhelming and so sad because you realise the only person to actually cope with this has got to be yourself since you are on your own or at least with yourself your whole life. I wish I could just talk to somebody uninvolved and non-judgemental that wants to listen without having to pay so much money though
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I know that we're all broken in one way or another but having the realisation of how and why hitting you all at once is simply overwhelming and so sad because you realise the only person to actually cope with this has got to be yourself since you are on your own or at least with yourself your whole life. I wish I could just talk to somebody uninvolved and non-judgemental that wants to listen without having to pay so much money though
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Be
Not once have I found an actual answer to the question on how to cure an abandonment wound. It always says go to a therapist but its the same information as here. It just seems to me like we just always find out why (parents, etc) we have the wound but never how to actually CURE it. What are the steps AFTER understanding where it comes from? It cant be a sentence for life? Is there really no why to do anything to improve this!
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Not once have I found an actual answer to the question on how to cure an abandonment wound. It always says go to a therapist but its the same information as here. It just seems to me like we just always find out why (parents, etc) we have the wound but never how to actually CURE it. What are the steps AFTER understanding where it comes from? It cant be a sentence for life? Is there really no why to do anything to improve this!
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Cris
I was in a relationship for 8 years and I really messed up because of this issues. By the age of 9 I was working and taking care of my two younger sisters. Then my mom took my sisters with her and left me there at the hose alone for weeks and months. I use to sell water to survive. Please work on yourself if you had this. Please so you dont get the regrets I care. Good luck.
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I was in a relationship for 8 years and I really messed up because of this issues. By the age of 9 I was working and taking care of my two younger sisters. Then my mom took my sisters with her and left me there at the hose alone for weeks and months. I use to sell water to survive. Please work on yourself if you had this. Please so you dont get the regrets I care. Good luck.
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Lara
I keep putting off seeking help from a psychologist for PTSD that affects my relationships and ability to form healthy relationships.
Due to abandonment issues I keep getting into relationships with men who are abusive and feel almost addicted to wanting to find true love. I know I need to step back but it's really hard.
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I keep putting off seeking help from a psychologist for PTSD that affects my relationships and ability to form healthy relationships.
Due to abandonment issues I keep getting into relationships with men who are abusive and feel almost addicted to wanting to find true love. I know I need to step back but it's really hard.
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Veronica
Definitely super needy feel bad my husband has to deal with it Im adopted & adopted parents said there done raising me when I was 18 havent reached out or shown any sign or care I sometimes feel Im not enough for people or Im always doing something wrong trying to heal definitely going to look into counseling
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Definitely super needy feel bad my husband has to deal with it Im adopted & adopted parents said there done raising me when I was 18 havent reached out or shown any sign or care I sometimes feel Im not enough for people or Im always doing something wrong trying to heal definitely going to look into counseling
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H.
Struggling with missing a guy I dated for about 2 weeks. For the life of me I knew that this struggle didn't make sense but I am grateful to realise that it is just the symptom of a gaping abandonment wound. Hurts like hell, but this is a transformative phase that I would be foolish to not be grateful for.
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Struggling with missing a guy I dated for about 2 weeks. For the life of me I knew that this struggle didn't make sense but I am grateful to realise that it is just the symptom of a gaping abandonment wound. Hurts like hell, but this is a transformative phase that I would be foolish to not be grateful for.
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Jana
It is kind of weird I don't feel fear of abandnment BUT I see my patern of being issolated WITH IS fear of abandonment but more subconciouse even tho obviouse. like it is I will not do it because it will end up bad anyways, when you think that something will end up bad anyways that means it is fear of it
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It is kind of weird I don't feel fear of abandnment BUT I see my patern of being issolated WITH IS fear of abandonment but more subconciouse even tho obviouse. like it is I will not do it because it will end up bad anyways, when you think that something will end up bad anyways that means it is fear of it
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Andre
This really explained me. I went through all of these things that would cause abandonment issues
But my thing is, I can't seem to pair bond or even care to form a relationship, now I can't bring myself to care about anyone leaving my life (excluding by death) I definitely need some type of therapy.
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This really explained me. I went through all of these things that would cause abandonment issues
But my thing is, I can't seem to pair bond or even care to form a relationship, now I can't bring myself to care about anyone leaving my life (excluding by death) I definitely need some type of therapy.
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Jesse
I'm having family issues about can't get a job and they don't think I can stay on a job for too long, then they play mind games with me on getting an apartment. So I'm tired of games being played with me. I'm trying to get everything settled and I'm tired of them holding me back!
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I'm having family issues about can't get a job and they don't think I can stay on a job for too long, then they play mind games with me on getting an apartment. So I'm tired of games being played with me. I'm trying to get everything settled and I'm tired of them holding me back!
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CupcakePlays
Does the fear of abandonment occur if you always end of losing your friends? Like u get really close to people and start enjoying life then suddenly u change schools or they move out to another city and then you are alone again. Can this cause this fear?
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Does the fear of abandonment occur if you always end of losing your friends? Like u get really close to people and start enjoying life then suddenly u change schools or they move out to another city and then you are alone again. Can this cause this fear?
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