7 Stages of Toxic Love: Recognizing the Red Flags Before It’s Too Late
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Date: 2024-10-23
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Comments and reviews: 20
Wendylirious
I spent years with someone who doesn't want to be abandoned
We were obviously not working out and I'm just as frustrated with myself as much as she's frustrated with me
Because she wouldn't be passive aggressive if there's nothing to be passive aggressive about, right
If I just did better, she wouldn't feel the need to keep fixing me
And even if I think her leaving me is good for her, because I can't just suddenly become NOT dysfunctional
I know I can't just directly end it right then and there because that would be toxic and inconsiderate
So I was like, I told her that maybe she should find someone else, she's free (months of this)
And she should be free of frustrations too, because I made it clear she doesn't need to wait anymore, and that I'll focus on something else entirely, studies
I made it so clear that there's nothing more to expect
and since she doesn't want to be abandoned, I waited for her to be the one to leave
I waited for her to realize how incompatible we were, and it's not her fault, we were just never going to work out
Incompatibility isn't because someone isn't enough, or someone isn't this and that, it's exactly because I'm not the person she really wants, if so many things that I am is something that needs to be fixed for her
And if she doesn't want to be alone, we were still friends
But it's already so plain that there's nothing more than that
I say things as it is
When I say she deserves better, even if I'm also aware of her flaws, I mean it
It does stem from being aware that I'M annoying to be around because I'm at such a low point where it SEEMS (not actually) like my only personality trait are wanting to keep people at arm's length
But at the same time, this amount of vagueness is enough to not make her question her worth
Because she should already know how much she can give, and even when she's not giving much, she should already be aware of her value,
Like how she can easily make people smile, and make any room have a brighter atmosphere
And there's no point in thinking it's all worthless just because someone who isn't right for her knows they doesn't deserve her and lets her leave them
She shouldn't think it's her fault that someone unavailable IS unavailable, it's their problem, and it's the way they ALREADY are
How much more clearer do I have to make it be
That someone who's pulling away isn't expecting you to chase after them, they're expecting you to respect them AND yourself
Someone who's constantly asking if you're ready to leave, isn't waiting for you to look anxious and begging for them back, they're waiting for you to understand and agree that this is what's better for YOU
No matter how much you wait for someone
No matter how much you fix someone
What isn't working out, could never work out if it's been years of the same thing
You're wasting your time, but at the same time you didn't
Because now I hope you understand
That the could've been's doesn't exist
They're not the same person
They can't be the same person
You should be free now that you realize that they aren't the one for you
And there are so many people that love you
Let go of the one person, you can't stop complaining about
They never wanted to be your problem either.
reply
I spent years with someone who doesn't want to be abandoned
We were obviously not working out and I'm just as frustrated with myself as much as she's frustrated with me
Because she wouldn't be passive aggressive if there's nothing to be passive aggressive about, right
If I just did better, she wouldn't feel the need to keep fixing me
And even if I think her leaving me is good for her, because I can't just suddenly become NOT dysfunctional
I know I can't just directly end it right then and there because that would be toxic and inconsiderate
So I was like, I told her that maybe she should find someone else, she's free (months of this)
And she should be free of frustrations too, because I made it clear she doesn't need to wait anymore, and that I'll focus on something else entirely, studies
I made it so clear that there's nothing more to expect
and since she doesn't want to be abandoned, I waited for her to be the one to leave
I waited for her to realize how incompatible we were, and it's not her fault, we were just never going to work out
Incompatibility isn't because someone isn't enough, or someone isn't this and that, it's exactly because I'm not the person she really wants, if so many things that I am is something that needs to be fixed for her
And if she doesn't want to be alone, we were still friends
But it's already so plain that there's nothing more than that
I say things as it is
When I say she deserves better, even if I'm also aware of her flaws, I mean it
It does stem from being aware that I'M annoying to be around because I'm at such a low point where it SEEMS (not actually) like my only personality trait are wanting to keep people at arm's length
But at the same time, this amount of vagueness is enough to not make her question her worth
Because she should already know how much she can give, and even when she's not giving much, she should already be aware of her value,
Like how she can easily make people smile, and make any room have a brighter atmosphere
And there's no point in thinking it's all worthless just because someone who isn't right for her knows they doesn't deserve her and lets her leave them
She shouldn't think it's her fault that someone unavailable IS unavailable, it's their problem, and it's the way they ALREADY are
How much more clearer do I have to make it be
That someone who's pulling away isn't expecting you to chase after them, they're expecting you to respect them AND yourself
Someone who's constantly asking if you're ready to leave, isn't waiting for you to look anxious and begging for them back, they're waiting for you to understand and agree that this is what's better for YOU
No matter how much you wait for someone
No matter how much you fix someone
What isn't working out, could never work out if it's been years of the same thing
You're wasting your time, but at the same time you didn't
Because now I hope you understand
That the could've been's doesn't exist
They're not the same person
They can't be the same person
You should be free now that you realize that they aren't the one for you
And there are so many people that love you
Let go of the one person, you can't stop complaining about
They never wanted to be your problem either.
reply
picante28
hi! so, not related to the video but i really need help rn. so i (19f) have been in a relationship with my bf (18m) for two years and we've been living together for a little more than one year. he's my first ever relationship, first kiss first everything. i love him and want to be with him for the rest of my life. BUT last friday, so a couple of days ago i met a guy in my class, we spent the whole afternoon together it was really fun i really loved spending time with him. then, i realized wait maybe he doesn't see me as a friend. i didn't tell him i was in a relationship and he did some things that i would 100% do with friends (like flirting but as a joke, like i did, but i thought well there's a chance he is like serious about it, and i thought that some things really seemed like he was potentially serious. so i became extremely anxious. saturday morning i woke up at 6: 30 because of stress, sunday morning at 4: 30 and this morning at like 4: 45. i can't eat a lot because i feel like throwing up. i had to come back home this afternoon because i couldn't focus on anything. i felt like crying all day long. i was so anxious that i though about k myself. something was terribly wrong but i couldn't understand why. today i realized something: maybe i'm just falling for him. (the guy i met recently) i think about him all the time recently, and can't wait to see him to just walk down the streets at night and talk about anything and joke around. is this friendly he also suggesting we go play laser tag, or bowling or something, but it seemed way too flirty i didn't feel like it at all, with my severe social anxiety i thought about everything that could potentially go wrong.
last night we saw each others, i was scared as hell (for some reason) but i absolutely wanted to tell him that i thought the first time we met there were some unclear things we said, and i wanted to tell him i was in a relationship and i meant everything i said in a friendly way. then for a few minutes the atmosphere was. awkward, he told me it was ok, that i made things a bigger deal that it could've been (sorry if this isn't grammatically correct, i'm still learning english) because we could just keep hanging out and there would be no difference (and then we spent the night hanging out. like i agree but there's something off. if it was that simple i wouldn't be feeling like this rn.
i really need help, what do i do
there had been times in the past where i was like scared that i've stopped loving my bf but everytime it was because of my poor mental health then after a few days everything went back to normal. but this time it's not the same because there's this guy and i would like to stop thinking about him. even today when i was walking in the uni, all i could think about is what if we see each other it felt like my high school days when my social anxiety was at its highest.
what if this is an actual crush on him, what do i do how do i stop being interested in someone
reply
hi! so, not related to the video but i really need help rn. so i (19f) have been in a relationship with my bf (18m) for two years and we've been living together for a little more than one year. he's my first ever relationship, first kiss first everything. i love him and want to be with him for the rest of my life. BUT last friday, so a couple of days ago i met a guy in my class, we spent the whole afternoon together it was really fun i really loved spending time with him. then, i realized wait maybe he doesn't see me as a friend. i didn't tell him i was in a relationship and he did some things that i would 100% do with friends (like flirting but as a joke, like i did, but i thought well there's a chance he is like serious about it, and i thought that some things really seemed like he was potentially serious. so i became extremely anxious. saturday morning i woke up at 6: 30 because of stress, sunday morning at 4: 30 and this morning at like 4: 45. i can't eat a lot because i feel like throwing up. i had to come back home this afternoon because i couldn't focus on anything. i felt like crying all day long. i was so anxious that i though about k myself. something was terribly wrong but i couldn't understand why. today i realized something: maybe i'm just falling for him. (the guy i met recently) i think about him all the time recently, and can't wait to see him to just walk down the streets at night and talk about anything and joke around. is this friendly he also suggesting we go play laser tag, or bowling or something, but it seemed way too flirty i didn't feel like it at all, with my severe social anxiety i thought about everything that could potentially go wrong.
last night we saw each others, i was scared as hell (for some reason) but i absolutely wanted to tell him that i thought the first time we met there were some unclear things we said, and i wanted to tell him i was in a relationship and i meant everything i said in a friendly way. then for a few minutes the atmosphere was. awkward, he told me it was ok, that i made things a bigger deal that it could've been (sorry if this isn't grammatically correct, i'm still learning english) because we could just keep hanging out and there would be no difference (and then we spent the night hanging out. like i agree but there's something off. if it was that simple i wouldn't be feeling like this rn.
i really need help, what do i do
there had been times in the past where i was like scared that i've stopped loving my bf but everytime it was because of my poor mental health then after a few days everything went back to normal. but this time it's not the same because there's this guy and i would like to stop thinking about him. even today when i was walking in the uni, all i could think about is what if we see each other it felt like my high school days when my social anxiety was at its highest.
what if this is an actual crush on him, what do i do how do i stop being interested in someone
reply
APThugz
I was with my last girlfriend for over 3 years. It's been 6 months since we broke up. I still feel the pain of it.
She disrespected me so much, twisted my thought processes, judged me in harsh ways, neglected me, and abandoned me when I needed her the most. She had no job for almost 3 years as I took care of her. I asked her what she wanted to do; she told me community advocacy, so I created an entire community association just for her where she can be her own boss. And she abandoned it and left me all alone to take care of it while I had a full-time job, did school, and was assisting in a research study for Harvard Medical school.
I desperately wanted to fix our relationship and talk things through, and she kept telling me we would. But months would go by. I was simply out of sight out of mind. She forgot about me.
I got a ticket because of her, reminded her 5 times about it because she said she would dispute it, and never did. Almost every conversation we'd have ended in an argument that I didn't even mean to have or wanted. It was a mess, yet I still loved her.
All i ever wanted my whole life was love and connection. I should have left earlier, but I was afraid too. Now, she thinks I'm just this creep even though she's the one who said we should still be friends and never giving me that closure I kept asking her for.
Worst part is, I think she is unaware of how much shes actually hurt me and doesn't care to know. She was like my best friend, and the experience has left me feeling so lonely, sad, and disappointed. And just like in the video, I blame myself too. I blame myself for staying as long as I did. I should have left her 2 years ago.
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I was with my last girlfriend for over 3 years. It's been 6 months since we broke up. I still feel the pain of it.
She disrespected me so much, twisted my thought processes, judged me in harsh ways, neglected me, and abandoned me when I needed her the most. She had no job for almost 3 years as I took care of her. I asked her what she wanted to do; she told me community advocacy, so I created an entire community association just for her where she can be her own boss. And she abandoned it and left me all alone to take care of it while I had a full-time job, did school, and was assisting in a research study for Harvard Medical school.
I desperately wanted to fix our relationship and talk things through, and she kept telling me we would. But months would go by. I was simply out of sight out of mind. She forgot about me.
I got a ticket because of her, reminded her 5 times about it because she said she would dispute it, and never did. Almost every conversation we'd have ended in an argument that I didn't even mean to have or wanted. It was a mess, yet I still loved her.
All i ever wanted my whole life was love and connection. I should have left earlier, but I was afraid too. Now, she thinks I'm just this creep even though she's the one who said we should still be friends and never giving me that closure I kept asking her for.
Worst part is, I think she is unaware of how much shes actually hurt me and doesn't care to know. She was like my best friend, and the experience has left me feeling so lonely, sad, and disappointed. And just like in the video, I blame myself too. I blame myself for staying as long as I did. I should have left her 2 years ago.
reply
psych2go
Love is a Lie
In the garden of dreams, where roses once bloomed
A heart beats no more, withered and bruised
By the thorns of deceit, and vows unkept
Love's beauty turned to ash, in the fire we've stepped
Your touch was my solace, my guiding light
But shadows danced, and darkness took flight
Promises of forever, now mere illusions
A mirage that vanished, leaving only conclusions
You said forever, but forever's come and gone
Leaving scars that won't heal, a heart turned to stone
The memories we made, now taunt and tease
A bittersweet reminder of love's disease
Love is a lie, a whispered deceit
A gentle breeze that brings only defeat
A fragile thread that snaps with ease
A fleeting dream that fades with dawn's release
Time may heal wounds, but won't erase
The ache within, the hollow space
Where love once dwelled, now an empty shrine
A testament to love's untruthful design
In this silence, I hear your voice
A haunting echo, a heartbreaking choice
To let go, to move on, to mend
But the fragments remain, a heart that can't transcend
Love is a lie, a lesson learned
A painful truth, a heart that's burned
Yet, in the embers, a spark remains
A glimmer of hope, a heart that still sustains
Goodbye Love
reply
Love is a Lie
In the garden of dreams, where roses once bloomed
A heart beats no more, withered and bruised
By the thorns of deceit, and vows unkept
Love's beauty turned to ash, in the fire we've stepped
Your touch was my solace, my guiding light
But shadows danced, and darkness took flight
Promises of forever, now mere illusions
A mirage that vanished, leaving only conclusions
You said forever, but forever's come and gone
Leaving scars that won't heal, a heart turned to stone
The memories we made, now taunt and tease
A bittersweet reminder of love's disease
Love is a lie, a whispered deceit
A gentle breeze that brings only defeat
A fragile thread that snaps with ease
A fleeting dream that fades with dawn's release
Time may heal wounds, but won't erase
The ache within, the hollow space
Where love once dwelled, now an empty shrine
A testament to love's untruthful design
In this silence, I hear your voice
A haunting echo, a heartbreaking choice
To let go, to move on, to mend
But the fragments remain, a heart that can't transcend
Love is a lie, a lesson learned
A painful truth, a heart that's burned
Yet, in the embers, a spark remains
A glimmer of hope, a heart that still sustains
Goodbye Love
reply
its_frito
It’s tough, I gone through a toxic relationship. She stuffed me with love yet still had this negative and pessimistic attitude to them. They blamed me for their problems and when I did something so small that didn’t favor them, they would put me down.
She ended up braking the relationship which to me felt like a relief but at the time I struggled emotionally because I couldn’t understand what I did wrong.
As time went on I started to understand that I really didn’t do anything wrong towards her to deserve the disrespectful treatment. Was there things I could do better OFC, always.
However sooner or later she started to bug me trying to find out who I was dating next, asking others to ask me cause I told her I wasn’t and yet she didn’t trust me. This happened continuously 4 times, I spoke to them about how it’s bothering me, didn’t stop, until they kinda understood that I wasn’t and that I need my space. The next year she still bugged to ask me if I hated her, and I told her, I don’t hate you, it’s takes too much energy to hate someone.
Till this day I don’t understand why she was so interested in me after the breakup, why did she think I hate her, and why did she not understand that I need my space. Was did she want
Can any one help
reply
It’s tough, I gone through a toxic relationship. She stuffed me with love yet still had this negative and pessimistic attitude to them. They blamed me for their problems and when I did something so small that didn’t favor them, they would put me down.
She ended up braking the relationship which to me felt like a relief but at the time I struggled emotionally because I couldn’t understand what I did wrong.
As time went on I started to understand that I really didn’t do anything wrong towards her to deserve the disrespectful treatment. Was there things I could do better OFC, always.
However sooner or later she started to bug me trying to find out who I was dating next, asking others to ask me cause I told her I wasn’t and yet she didn’t trust me. This happened continuously 4 times, I spoke to them about how it’s bothering me, didn’t stop, until they kinda understood that I wasn’t and that I need my space. The next year she still bugged to ask me if I hated her, and I told her, I don’t hate you, it’s takes too much energy to hate someone.
Till this day I don’t understand why she was so interested in me after the breakup, why did she think I hate her, and why did she not understand that I need my space. Was did she want
Can any one help
reply
psych2go
Yesterday I saw that video and I realized that my relationship is toxic. I was in a toxic relationship before. But i didn't realize what I did to my new boyfriend. I was toxic. I would say it was stage 3. And I didn't realize. So he broke up with me yesterday. I'm going to be honest. I wanted to call him after the video and wanted to tell him that I realized what I did. Last week Friday we had a fight, We have reconciled. He gave me my last chance and I took it seriously. Until yesterday nothing happened. We didn't fight. As I said, yesterday I saw the video and wanted to tell him that I realized. But he was faster and broke up with me. He took away the chance he gave me (honestly I don't know why. I wish I could show him that I realized and changed. That makes me sad the most, because I couldn't show him. But I can understand that he hates me now. Even though he wrote to my mom that he still loves me. I hope it's true and that I can show him in the future what I'm thinking and what I wanted to tell him. Now a week has to pass. Maybe after that we can talk about everything. I really hope that.
I still feel like a horrible person and I know I am. But I love him more than anything.
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Yesterday I saw that video and I realized that my relationship is toxic. I was in a toxic relationship before. But i didn't realize what I did to my new boyfriend. I was toxic. I would say it was stage 3. And I didn't realize. So he broke up with me yesterday. I'm going to be honest. I wanted to call him after the video and wanted to tell him that I realized what I did. Last week Friday we had a fight, We have reconciled. He gave me my last chance and I took it seriously. Until yesterday nothing happened. We didn't fight. As I said, yesterday I saw the video and wanted to tell him that I realized. But he was faster and broke up with me. He took away the chance he gave me (honestly I don't know why. I wish I could show him that I realized and changed. That makes me sad the most, because I couldn't show him. But I can understand that he hates me now. Even though he wrote to my mom that he still loves me. I hope it's true and that I can show him in the future what I'm thinking and what I wanted to tell him. Now a week has to pass. Maybe after that we can talk about everything. I really hope that.
I still feel like a horrible person and I know I am. But I love him more than anything.
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joeyfigueroa4748
True title: Narcissistic relationship: recognize the signs.
It’s crazy that this was just posted. I just got out of a relationship with a narcissist about a week ago. I’ve known this girl since second grade (14 years) It was the roughest year and nine months of my life. Exactly how this video is lined up was how events went down. She even had me convinced my entire immediate family was toxic and I left them, along with all of my friends too, for her. Her own family warned me, along with mine, and my friends. I didn’t listen because I was blinded by love. Once I left, I felt better. But then I immediately got blamed for her self harm, for abandoning her, and was basically told I was toxic. Which led to my guilt, confusion, and depression. Luckily, all of those people I left behind for her, took me back in with welcoming arms, and told me about their relationships and that I’m not alone. But I’ll be honest, even with a good support system, it’s still very rough on me.
reply
True title: Narcissistic relationship: recognize the signs.
It’s crazy that this was just posted. I just got out of a relationship with a narcissist about a week ago. I’ve known this girl since second grade (14 years) It was the roughest year and nine months of my life. Exactly how this video is lined up was how events went down. She even had me convinced my entire immediate family was toxic and I left them, along with all of my friends too, for her. Her own family warned me, along with mine, and my friends. I didn’t listen because I was blinded by love. Once I left, I felt better. But then I immediately got blamed for her self harm, for abandoning her, and was basically told I was toxic. Which led to my guilt, confusion, and depression. Luckily, all of those people I left behind for her, took me back in with welcoming arms, and told me about their relationships and that I’m not alone. But I’ll be honest, even with a good support system, it’s still very rough on me.
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LastEarBender
I feel like there's an awful lot of accusation of mal-intent involved here, when that isn't necessarily what's going on. I mean, it certainly CAN be if you're dealing with a narcissist or psychopath, but much of this can be attributed to insecure attachment styles and are not malicious, but are poorly adapted coping mechanisms to childhood and early relationship trauma. The more research I'm seeing, the wider spread these insecure attachment styles are becoming and while these actions (most likely reactions) are no less harmful, it most likely isn't manipulation. Many (if not most) won't even have any idea of what they're doing wrong or that it isn't normal.
That said, people are still responsible for their actions, but rather than demonizing them, perhaps they should be introduced to videos about attachment theory or a specialized coach and left to figure it out. People don't know what they don't know.
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I feel like there's an awful lot of accusation of mal-intent involved here, when that isn't necessarily what's going on. I mean, it certainly CAN be if you're dealing with a narcissist or psychopath, but much of this can be attributed to insecure attachment styles and are not malicious, but are poorly adapted coping mechanisms to childhood and early relationship trauma. The more research I'm seeing, the wider spread these insecure attachment styles are becoming and while these actions (most likely reactions) are no less harmful, it most likely isn't manipulation. Many (if not most) won't even have any idea of what they're doing wrong or that it isn't normal.
That said, people are still responsible for their actions, but rather than demonizing them, perhaps they should be introduced to videos about attachment theory or a specialized coach and left to figure it out. People don't know what they don't know.
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jakinter2599
I think i did a comment about this and this video helped me a lot. I'm definitely in the last stage that you show. And it is very helpful to know the markings of how to heal which i need to do and process. I was struggling with that lately.
Very good
And a suggestion for another video could be this one You have a long-term friendship with someone and sometimes showed more affection and you didn't reciprocate because you like them as a friend. But then as time passes, gets more insisting and making you uncomfortable after you said no. Like, what could you do It's is because your fault that you didn't were firm enough How to detect this kind of behaviour How to heal, what can you do to think in another way
I'm struggling with a friend like that and it's a bit tiring.
And I'm curious if someone has the same situation as I have. Maybe could be helpful.
Anyway, as always, very cool videos
reply
I think i did a comment about this and this video helped me a lot. I'm definitely in the last stage that you show. And it is very helpful to know the markings of how to heal which i need to do and process. I was struggling with that lately.
Very good
And a suggestion for another video could be this one You have a long-term friendship with someone and sometimes showed more affection and you didn't reciprocate because you like them as a friend. But then as time passes, gets more insisting and making you uncomfortable after you said no. Like, what could you do It's is because your fault that you didn't were firm enough How to detect this kind of behaviour How to heal, what can you do to think in another way
I'm struggling with a friend like that and it's a bit tiring.
And I'm curious if someone has the same situation as I have. Maybe could be helpful.
Anyway, as always, very cool videos
reply
psych2go
Was in a toxic relationship several years ago and was abruptly discarded. Those who have experienced this, remember that they did it for their own selfish reasons. It wasn’t because you weren’t good enough it was because they either felt they couldn’t get much use out of you anymore, you saw their ego take a blow, or because you’re in the way.
The right person sees your value, accepts every little thing about you (even the bits you’re insecure about, and treats you like a best friend rather than a means to an end. Keep your head up, take time to heal and love yourself again, take that relationship and turn it into understanding what you want and don’t want in a relationship, and don’t sell yourself short.
You building yourself back up and finding your true love without losing yourself is how you win the end. It’s how you free yourself from their power
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Was in a toxic relationship several years ago and was abruptly discarded. Those who have experienced this, remember that they did it for their own selfish reasons. It wasn’t because you weren’t good enough it was because they either felt they couldn’t get much use out of you anymore, you saw their ego take a blow, or because you’re in the way.
The right person sees your value, accepts every little thing about you (even the bits you’re insecure about, and treats you like a best friend rather than a means to an end. Keep your head up, take time to heal and love yourself again, take that relationship and turn it into understanding what you want and don’t want in a relationship, and don’t sell yourself short.
You building yourself back up and finding your true love without losing yourself is how you win the end. It’s how you free yourself from their power
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SaltyMaud
Relationships can go toxic between two well meaning participants after enough wrong turns, especially if anxious/avoidant participants are involved. It's a bit of a dangerous cop-out to write off any signs of a toxic relationship as them being a narcissistic manipulator and deflecting any responsibility for your own involvement in the relationship. While enough of these signs could point to a manipulative partner, they could equally just be maladaptation stemming from other insecurities, trauma, or other stressors more than malice. No one can make it your responsibility to fix them, but sometimes extra patience and compassion is the answer to taming challenging partners. If your intuition says someone is bad for you, you could be right, but once you put that label on someone, consider it your resignation from the relationship.
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Relationships can go toxic between two well meaning participants after enough wrong turns, especially if anxious/avoidant participants are involved. It's a bit of a dangerous cop-out to write off any signs of a toxic relationship as them being a narcissistic manipulator and deflecting any responsibility for your own involvement in the relationship. While enough of these signs could point to a manipulative partner, they could equally just be maladaptation stemming from other insecurities, trauma, or other stressors more than malice. No one can make it your responsibility to fix them, but sometimes extra patience and compassion is the answer to taming challenging partners. If your intuition says someone is bad for you, you could be right, but once you put that label on someone, consider it your resignation from the relationship.
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BisolaAdebija
When you're in a relationship, watch out for these red flags in your partner:
1) He tries to isolate you from your closest people by manipulating you into believing that they are a bad influence because when he starts abusing you, he knows that you will seek protection from your closest people, so he will try and isolate you, so you can't leave him.
2) He tells you that you should be over the moon that he's still with you because no other man would want you except him.
3) He treats everyone around him horribly.
4) He's possessive and jealous of other people in your life.
5) He doesn't respect your boundaries.
6) He's distrustful of you.
7) He controls every aspect of your life, like how you dress, your appearance, etc.
reply
When you're in a relationship, watch out for these red flags in your partner:
1) He tries to isolate you from your closest people by manipulating you into believing that they are a bad influence because when he starts abusing you, he knows that you will seek protection from your closest people, so he will try and isolate you, so you can't leave him.
2) He tells you that you should be over the moon that he's still with you because no other man would want you except him.
3) He treats everyone around him horribly.
4) He's possessive and jealous of other people in your life.
5) He doesn't respect your boundaries.
6) He's distrustful of you.
7) He controls every aspect of your life, like how you dress, your appearance, etc.
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Eli-Stration22
Recently, my girlfriend and I broke up. They made me feel as if my feelings about the way they were talking with someone was illogical and strange. She laughed at my feelings and even got her friends involved in, what I thought, was personal. Eventually, she decided to end it in front of all of them. I'm trying to move on, but I can't help but keep thinking about her. She kept telling me that she wanted to be with me forever, and how special I was, but she was so quick to end it. I felt so terrible, angry and betrayed. We started dating at the start of the year. How amazing it felt to be with her. Now it's over. Just like that. So now I laugh at pretty much everything. Nothing is serious to me. It's all so hilarious how nothing matters to people.
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Recently, my girlfriend and I broke up. They made me feel as if my feelings about the way they were talking with someone was illogical and strange. She laughed at my feelings and even got her friends involved in, what I thought, was personal. Eventually, she decided to end it in front of all of them. I'm trying to move on, but I can't help but keep thinking about her. She kept telling me that she wanted to be with me forever, and how special I was, but she was so quick to end it. I felt so terrible, angry and betrayed. We started dating at the start of the year. How amazing it felt to be with her. Now it's over. Just like that. So now I laugh at pretty much everything. Nothing is serious to me. It's all so hilarious how nothing matters to people.
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nadiaharrison5930
I love that you guys included the healing stage
I went through this in a relationship that lasted for five years and it took away every last bit of me. During the end I wasn't a person anymore and was disgarded, because I never would have left on my own.
To anyone who is going through or has been through this, don't give up on yourself. It actually does get better.
For me, it took 2 years of intense therapy after the relationship ended and I am definitely still on the healing journey. But I am so thankful that I held on. I am now in the most beautiful relationship and so many things in my life have improved. I feel like it is finally my turn to have things go right and am so thankful, that I get to experience it.
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I love that you guys included the healing stage
I went through this in a relationship that lasted for five years and it took away every last bit of me. During the end I wasn't a person anymore and was disgarded, because I never would have left on my own.
To anyone who is going through or has been through this, don't give up on yourself. It actually does get better.
For me, it took 2 years of intense therapy after the relationship ended and I am definitely still on the healing journey. But I am so thankful that I held on. I am now in the most beautiful relationship and so many things in my life have improved. I feel like it is finally my turn to have things go right and am so thankful, that I get to experience it.
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abegailelaurza5919
I am in a relationship right now. For me, I know I'm the toxic one but I would never do something to embarass my partner or anything. Even if we fight, I just seek advise how to break this cycle and how to accept myself and love her without any fight and arguements. I am really aware about it but its hard when external problems and doubts from others (like past traumas) bound me to feel this way. Its like I am making my partner go in a cage without telling my insecurities because I've always want to be right and I'm afraid she leave me regardless and I don't really want my parner to break up with me because I know within my heart that the person I end up with is loyal.
Any tips anyone
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I am in a relationship right now. For me, I know I'm the toxic one but I would never do something to embarass my partner or anything. Even if we fight, I just seek advise how to break this cycle and how to accept myself and love her without any fight and arguements. I am really aware about it but its hard when external problems and doubts from others (like past traumas) bound me to feel this way. Its like I am making my partner go in a cage without telling my insecurities because I've always want to be right and I'm afraid she leave me regardless and I don't really want my parner to break up with me because I know within my heart that the person I end up with is loyal.
Any tips anyone
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bramblej1084
I was talking to a girl for 2 mouths and it was good we got along well I was going to ask her out but 2weeks before we had bit of a fall out because I said something then she misunderstood. what I was meaning I tried and fixed the situation then the one day I let her have her own space for 3 hours she got upset and annoyed because I didn’t call her she said I wanted to spend time with you but I didn’t know that I said if I knew I would of and I understand where she coming from but I can’t read minds we started talking again but she very dry doesn’t text like she used to I’m trying to make it work out since I don’t want it to go to waste over misunderstanding
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I was talking to a girl for 2 mouths and it was good we got along well I was going to ask her out but 2weeks before we had bit of a fall out because I said something then she misunderstood. what I was meaning I tried and fixed the situation then the one day I let her have her own space for 3 hours she got upset and annoyed because I didn’t call her she said I wanted to spend time with you but I didn’t know that I said if I knew I would of and I understand where she coming from but I can’t read minds we started talking again but she very dry doesn’t text like she used to I’m trying to make it work out since I don’t want it to go to waste over misunderstanding
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charliebotzman6423
I wish we taught this to high schoolers. That way we could all be educated on this by the time we start dating. It would protect a lot of empathetic people and help them get out of these toxic relationships a lot faster
On the same note, no one size fits all for people or relationships, so it would still be challenging to discern what is toxic and what isn’t. And of course when we are raised by our parents who disregard our needs, we’re more likely to enter a toxic relationship later.
All that to say, if you DO end up in a toxic relationship, please forgive yourself (assuming you’re the person who showed up with boundaries and love and respect.
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I wish we taught this to high schoolers. That way we could all be educated on this by the time we start dating. It would protect a lot of empathetic people and help them get out of these toxic relationships a lot faster
On the same note, no one size fits all for people or relationships, so it would still be challenging to discern what is toxic and what isn’t. And of course when we are raised by our parents who disregard our needs, we’re more likely to enter a toxic relationship later.
All that to say, if you DO end up in a toxic relationship, please forgive yourself (assuming you’re the person who showed up with boundaries and love and respect.
reply
Posi2Mind
Summary for anyone who needs it:
1. (00: 00) Toxic relationships trap you with manipulation and confusion.
2. (00: 33) Stage 1: Idealization - Everything feels perfect, but it’s a trap.
3. (01: 49) Stage 2: Devaluation - They start criticizing and controlling you.
4. (02: 23) Stage 3: Manipulation - Twisting the truth and making you feel guilty.
5. (03: 02) Stage 4: Isolation - They cut you off from loved ones.
6. (03: 40) Stage 5: Reverse Discard - They push you to break up and play the victim.
7. (04: 51) Stage 6: Direct Discard - They discard you abruptly.
8. (06: 02) Stage 7: Healing - Recovery begins when you break free.
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Summary for anyone who needs it:
1. (00: 00) Toxic relationships trap you with manipulation and confusion.
2. (00: 33) Stage 1: Idealization - Everything feels perfect, but it’s a trap.
3. (01: 49) Stage 2: Devaluation - They start criticizing and controlling you.
4. (02: 23) Stage 3: Manipulation - Twisting the truth and making you feel guilty.
5. (03: 02) Stage 4: Isolation - They cut you off from loved ones.
6. (03: 40) Stage 5: Reverse Discard - They push you to break up and play the victim.
7. (04: 51) Stage 6: Direct Discard - They discard you abruptly.
8. (06: 02) Stage 7: Healing - Recovery begins when you break free.
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papercoolcat
I was just in one. We were trauma bonded. It was so hard to leave, because my nervous system was trained that if I leave, I will be in trouble. even if my logical brain could be like this isn't healthy for either of you. Well, no contact makes it so the yelling can finally stop. I can finally do the things I want and need in my life (ie SPENDING TIME WITH FAMILY OR FRIENDS) to do without being called selfish and without feeling guilty that I am abandoning them or not prioritizing the relationship. Many many hurtful things were said to me, and my self esteem is at an all time low. but I have lots of friends to support me now through this
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I was just in one. We were trauma bonded. It was so hard to leave, because my nervous system was trained that if I leave, I will be in trouble. even if my logical brain could be like this isn't healthy for either of you. Well, no contact makes it so the yelling can finally stop. I can finally do the things I want and need in my life (ie SPENDING TIME WITH FAMILY OR FRIENDS) to do without being called selfish and without feeling guilty that I am abandoning them or not prioritizing the relationship. Many many hurtful things were said to me, and my self esteem is at an all time low. but I have lots of friends to support me now through this
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TheFakePlayerGame
I don’t want to hurt someone like this and I’m afraid of doing it instinctively. I don’t know how to prevent it though, but I don’t want to make people feel bad about themselves.
I’m very likely autistic, and potentially sociopathic, and I really hate the second part especially when combined with the first one. I pick up on details all too well, and I barely know what I want, like I want to have close friends but I don’t wanna hurt them. Sometimes I forget to see stuff from their perspective, and sometimes I can’t at all.
I want them to be happy, I want to bring smiles. But I’m afraid of being bad for them.
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I don’t want to hurt someone like this and I’m afraid of doing it instinctively. I don’t know how to prevent it though, but I don’t want to make people feel bad about themselves.
I’m very likely autistic, and potentially sociopathic, and I really hate the second part especially when combined with the first one. I pick up on details all too well, and I barely know what I want, like I want to have close friends but I don’t wanna hurt them. Sometimes I forget to see stuff from their perspective, and sometimes I can’t at all.
I want them to be happy, I want to bring smiles. But I’m afraid of being bad for them.
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