8 Things Parents Shouldn't Say to Their Child
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
DeKage
True story:
My son was in trouble for pulling his pants down on the bus. Knowing this is a normal thing kids will attempt to do this and is naturally something kids will do. My step mom tells My son, I don't like who you are, these words directed at my 6yo. I stepped in, don't say that to him. She went off and yelled and more, I stayed calm and called my son over to me. Asking him instead, why. It was then he explained he was told to do it or would be hit. We put a stop to the bully after, but during this conversation with my son, I explained to him that it isn't ok to show his body unless it's for medical reasons to a doctor, or if he is hurt and we need to apply medical. My dad, for once, looked at me, (who never said a word to me or my step mom) proudly, and saw that my son was very understanding of what he was told. Proud that, even though i had a very hard up bringing, I was able to be calm and treat my son so well. I didn't see it this way. (Dad later defended my actions and told my step mom to not do that again) since that talk with my son, the bully never bullied my boy and he never got in trouble again.
These things said in this video are 100% things I been told my whole life, but I refused to belittle my boy. I learned all this the hard way, and so happy i did.
Ps, my son never had head start, I never baby talked him, I just explained all things and talked to him like he was already an adult. He started kindergarten and aced his reading to pass highest of his class, and was doing so at 3 months into the classes. He was well mannered, polite, and kind. All the while I only told him about life lessons, things I learned from my own mistakes, and sat and talked a while. Who he is is who he is, and I told him no matter what, I will always be proud of him.
If these things were not said to me as a child, maybe my life would be different, but in this case, I'm happy they were. cause my son wouldn't have the dad he says he is proud to have today. I'm not the best, but I try, and for my kids, I will never stop trying to be a better me.
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True story:
My son was in trouble for pulling his pants down on the bus. Knowing this is a normal thing kids will attempt to do this and is naturally something kids will do. My step mom tells My son, I don't like who you are, these words directed at my 6yo. I stepped in, don't say that to him. She went off and yelled and more, I stayed calm and called my son over to me. Asking him instead, why. It was then he explained he was told to do it or would be hit. We put a stop to the bully after, but during this conversation with my son, I explained to him that it isn't ok to show his body unless it's for medical reasons to a doctor, or if he is hurt and we need to apply medical. My dad, for once, looked at me, (who never said a word to me or my step mom) proudly, and saw that my son was very understanding of what he was told. Proud that, even though i had a very hard up bringing, I was able to be calm and treat my son so well. I didn't see it this way. (Dad later defended my actions and told my step mom to not do that again) since that talk with my son, the bully never bullied my boy and he never got in trouble again.
These things said in this video are 100% things I been told my whole life, but I refused to belittle my boy. I learned all this the hard way, and so happy i did.
Ps, my son never had head start, I never baby talked him, I just explained all things and talked to him like he was already an adult. He started kindergarten and aced his reading to pass highest of his class, and was doing so at 3 months into the classes. He was well mannered, polite, and kind. All the while I only told him about life lessons, things I learned from my own mistakes, and sat and talked a while. Who he is is who he is, and I told him no matter what, I will always be proud of him.
If these things were not said to me as a child, maybe my life would be different, but in this case, I'm happy they were. cause my son wouldn't have the dad he says he is proud to have today. I'm not the best, but I try, and for my kids, I will never stop trying to be a better me.
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Molliemarie
Less than a year after my dad died my husband, toddler and self moved in with my mom. She is ill and frail and had promised to help watch my toddler so that I could work and start saving for a house. She had a rule growing up that we were only allowed to cry if someone died. An impossible task for me, an empath that cries over sad puppy commercials. Anyways, I was gifted my very first live musical performance by my bestie for Christmas that year and was really excited to go. Mom was having some shoulder pain for a few days prior to the night of the performance and had been debating to go to the hospital. She thought I mght be her lung since the pain was in that area. The night of the show comes and I check in with her before my husband is to drop me off with my friend (She has a daughter around the same age as my son so it was going to be daddies and kids hanging out at her place. She said she had made plans with a neighbor incase she needed to go and had a bag packed with her essentials. She never asked me to stay or that she would feel better if I stayed. She only stated that it looked like I had decided to go. So we went to the show, had a great time, got home super later. I got my son dow to bed and got ready myself before going and peaking into her room. She was on her back with her eyes closed sleeping. The next morning I wake up and go to look in on her and she goes off. Shouting if I even cared about her, if it mattered at all if she died, how selfish I was for going, so on and so on. But the kicker and what cut me the deepest was when she stopped shouting, looked me dead in the eyes and said you're a disappointment and your father would be ashamed of you. I haven't felt the same about her since.
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Less than a year after my dad died my husband, toddler and self moved in with my mom. She is ill and frail and had promised to help watch my toddler so that I could work and start saving for a house. She had a rule growing up that we were only allowed to cry if someone died. An impossible task for me, an empath that cries over sad puppy commercials. Anyways, I was gifted my very first live musical performance by my bestie for Christmas that year and was really excited to go. Mom was having some shoulder pain for a few days prior to the night of the performance and had been debating to go to the hospital. She thought I mght be her lung since the pain was in that area. The night of the show comes and I check in with her before my husband is to drop me off with my friend (She has a daughter around the same age as my son so it was going to be daddies and kids hanging out at her place. She said she had made plans with a neighbor incase she needed to go and had a bag packed with her essentials. She never asked me to stay or that she would feel better if I stayed. She only stated that it looked like I had decided to go. So we went to the show, had a great time, got home super later. I got my son dow to bed and got ready myself before going and peaking into her room. She was on her back with her eyes closed sleeping. The next morning I wake up and go to look in on her and she goes off. Shouting if I even cared about her, if it mattered at all if she died, how selfish I was for going, so on and so on. But the kicker and what cut me the deepest was when she stopped shouting, looked me dead in the eyes and said you're a disappointment and your father would be ashamed of you. I haven't felt the same about her since.
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imateakettle
Ive never gotten the Im gonna leave and not come back instead it was I want you to leave and never come back. The hurt I felt, as a four, maybe five year old hearing that is something I will never forget. It stuck with me into later years, and was one of the main things when I was at my lowest. It was always, No one wants you, just leave. (Aka die) Theyll be better off without you. A lot of it stemmed from being told that so much as a small child, and I dont think I can ever forgive my mother for everything shes done. She used to say to me, You wont be like your sister, right? in front of said sister. I had to agree because otherwise shed be screaming at me too. My sister wasnt a bad kid, she just had shitty teachers but my mom blamed it all on her. I remember in my 4th grade, to and from school there would be yelling and crying. At home there would be more yelling and my sister hiding in the closet. Thats all I remember of fourth grade. Well, no. Thats a lie. I also remember my own mother making fun of me for screwing up a line in the school play. She laughed and expected me to do the same. Now, whenever she bothers to show up to my performances, I basically have a full on panic attack beforehand. Thanks mom. Thanks a lot.
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Ive never gotten the Im gonna leave and not come back instead it was I want you to leave and never come back. The hurt I felt, as a four, maybe five year old hearing that is something I will never forget. It stuck with me into later years, and was one of the main things when I was at my lowest. It was always, No one wants you, just leave. (Aka die) Theyll be better off without you. A lot of it stemmed from being told that so much as a small child, and I dont think I can ever forgive my mother for everything shes done. She used to say to me, You wont be like your sister, right? in front of said sister. I had to agree because otherwise shed be screaming at me too. My sister wasnt a bad kid, she just had shitty teachers but my mom blamed it all on her. I remember in my 4th grade, to and from school there would be yelling and crying. At home there would be more yelling and my sister hiding in the closet. Thats all I remember of fourth grade. Well, no. Thats a lie. I also remember my own mother making fun of me for screwing up a line in the school play. She laughed and expected me to do the same. Now, whenever she bothers to show up to my performances, I basically have a full on panic attack beforehand. Thanks mom. Thanks a lot.
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Prix
Funfact as someone who used to sh this is a short story about me:
Wearing long sleeves even its so hot outside-in school i wear jackets above my uniform everyday, they would ask always why do you never run out of long sleeves? Also why do you wear long sleeves even tho its steaming outside? They would always question me about that. But one reason is actually them, i dont wear long sleeves or jackets because im scared ill get judged but because of my attention seeker classmates. Once, i finally decided to take my jacket off and they were acting like its their first time seeing me without it. Though they saw my cvts and i was fine with it, not when we were practicing a dance activity and saw the two girls who saw my cvts having cvts all over their arm and it was all fresh too and was still bleeding, i warned and told them to not cvt like me but they just answered I have problems too and that was not even the worst of all part. When i returned to our classroom, almost everyone on class had drawn fake fed ballpen scars to their wrist and was mimicking me and even talked bad about it but i didn't care.
4 months clean
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Funfact as someone who used to sh this is a short story about me:
Wearing long sleeves even its so hot outside-in school i wear jackets above my uniform everyday, they would ask always why do you never run out of long sleeves? Also why do you wear long sleeves even tho its steaming outside? They would always question me about that. But one reason is actually them, i dont wear long sleeves or jackets because im scared ill get judged but because of my attention seeker classmates. Once, i finally decided to take my jacket off and they were acting like its their first time seeing me without it. Though they saw my cvts and i was fine with it, not when we were practicing a dance activity and saw the two girls who saw my cvts having cvts all over their arm and it was all fresh too and was still bleeding, i warned and told them to not cvt like me but they just answered I have problems too and that was not even the worst of all part. When i returned to our classroom, almost everyone on class had drawn fake fed ballpen scars to their wrist and was mimicking me and even talked bad about it but i didn't care.
4 months clean
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Paul
A lot of these parental comments are legitimate and necessary, depending on context.
They need tobe used carefully, and balanced with positive comments and reinforcements.
However, sometimes a child needs to told.
That their behaviour is unacceptable and a disappointment.
That they simply need to listen and obey, without argument.
That their behaviours will be judged, and do reflect on their own reputation, and that of their parents and family. Reputation can affect many important things, from how easy it is to get work, through how much you and your word are trusted, how easily you can gain credit, to your romantic and other relationships in a community.
That sometimes ( indeed quite often) they will need to compromise their own needs/ wants /desires, as part of membership of a group, be it family, sporting club, school, or friendship group.
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A lot of these parental comments are legitimate and necessary, depending on context.
They need tobe used carefully, and balanced with positive comments and reinforcements.
However, sometimes a child needs to told.
That their behaviour is unacceptable and a disappointment.
That they simply need to listen and obey, without argument.
That their behaviours will be judged, and do reflect on their own reputation, and that of their parents and family. Reputation can affect many important things, from how easy it is to get work, through how much you and your word are trusted, how easily you can gain credit, to your romantic and other relationships in a community.
That sometimes ( indeed quite often) they will need to compromise their own needs/ wants /desires, as part of membership of a group, be it family, sporting club, school, or friendship group.
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Wolf
My mother would give me tasks as a child. Often, I had to figure out how to carry out those tasks on my own as she was a single mother. More often than not I'd accomplish the task successfully only for her to say why did you do it THAT way? Her toxic anger and verbal abuse, once I grew too large for her to hit anymore, was a regular part of my life, consequently I grew up very angry. She threw one more insult at me before she lost her mind to dementia. I should have aborted you like your father wanted. I tried very hard to forgive her since I took care of her alone as her mind slipped ever further away.
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My mother would give me tasks as a child. Often, I had to figure out how to carry out those tasks on my own as she was a single mother. More often than not I'd accomplish the task successfully only for her to say why did you do it THAT way? Her toxic anger and verbal abuse, once I grew too large for her to hit anymore, was a regular part of my life, consequently I grew up very angry. She threw one more insult at me before she lost her mind to dementia. I should have aborted you like your father wanted. I tried very hard to forgive her since I took care of her alone as her mind slipped ever further away.
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education
Because I said so Is probably the phrase I've heard most as well as why didn't you do this and a few others. I'm still living with my parents, studying psychology even though I'm technically too young. I am in 10th grade but started psychology class early because I have a good understanding of it. Still, I can't help but feel like whatever I do won't be enough to please them. I suck at math, have crippling anxiety, depression, adhd and procrastinate every chance I get. I don't know how to please them so they don't get angry with me anymore.
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Because I said so Is probably the phrase I've heard most as well as why didn't you do this and a few others. I'm still living with my parents, studying psychology even though I'm technically too young. I am in 10th grade but started psychology class early because I have a good understanding of it. Still, I can't help but feel like whatever I do won't be enough to please them. I suck at math, have crippling anxiety, depression, adhd and procrastinate every chance I get. I don't know how to please them so they don't get angry with me anymore.
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s0trnlyz
The one thing that hurt and stuck with, even though I will say I have wonderful parents this was just one misstep, was Thats right, you didnt THINK. Usually my dad would ask me why didnt get something or do something, and Id try to explain myself with starting, and Id try to explain myself with staring, I didnt think that- before getting cut off and told I just didnt think. I did think, I just didnt think in the manner he was expecting. This happened frequently when we were working on the car together.
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The one thing that hurt and stuck with, even though I will say I have wonderful parents this was just one misstep, was Thats right, you didnt THINK. Usually my dad would ask me why didnt get something or do something, and Id try to explain myself with starting, and Id try to explain myself with staring, I didnt think that- before getting cut off and told I just didnt think. I did think, I just didnt think in the manner he was expecting. This happened frequently when we were working on the car together.
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Justin
I want to contest the Because I said so. one. As a child who got a lot of bs reasons for stuff that were easy enough for a child to see through, I would have preferred getting an honest, Because I said so.
Edit: can definitely relate to the What will people say. It was never explicitly said, but I got that feeling several times as a child, which led to me keeping my problems to myself, fast forward, and now I'm an adult and finally working through some of those issues.
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I want to contest the Because I said so. one. As a child who got a lot of bs reasons for stuff that were easy enough for a child to see through, I would have preferred getting an honest, Because I said so.
Edit: can definitely relate to the What will people say. It was never explicitly said, but I got that feeling several times as a child, which led to me keeping my problems to myself, fast forward, and now I'm an adult and finally working through some of those issues.
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Tia
Mine never really said they'll leave me but they did say one day we will die yet you wanna give more sins to us as your caretaker, I think it's still very very toxic for them to guilt trip me like that (by the way the reason they saud that to me was because me [a female] told them that I wont be having any children, and in our religion having children is considered a must so if you Dont have children you have gone againts god's wishes)
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Mine never really said they'll leave me but they did say one day we will die yet you wanna give more sins to us as your caretaker, I think it's still very very toxic for them to guilt trip me like that (by the way the reason they saud that to me was because me [a female] told them that I wont be having any children, and in our religion having children is considered a must so if you Dont have children you have gone againts god's wishes)
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Olivertheolive
The because I said so is something I have delt with though not that serious I find my dad always saying that, dont get me wrong, hes an AMAZING dad, but whenever I was doing something he didnt like (say, staying up with my phone) when we start arguing about it, he always ends it with because I said so or I am your father, you LISTEN to ME I obviously still love him but this can confuse me a lot about my status.
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The because I said so is something I have delt with though not that serious I find my dad always saying that, dont get me wrong, hes an AMAZING dad, but whenever I was doing something he didnt like (say, staying up with my phone) when we start arguing about it, he always ends it with because I said so or I am your father, you LISTEN to ME I obviously still love him but this can confuse me a lot about my status.
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Salty's
Speaking as one child who was told all of these, and now has a boundary of no contact with the parent in question, they will not be part of my life, especially important moments like weddings or children. Trust me when I say this level of parental rejection is entirely on the cards if you treat your children this way, though I suspect among psych2go'ers there is likely too much self awareness to behave this way haha
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Speaking as one child who was told all of these, and now has a boundary of no contact with the parent in question, they will not be part of my life, especially important moments like weddings or children. Trust me when I say this level of parental rejection is entirely on the cards if you treat your children this way, though I suspect among psych2go'ers there is likely too much self awareness to behave this way haha
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Michael
When I was five, my mother sat down my siblings and me and told me that the doctor said that she was going to die soon and that it was our fault for not appreciating her more. She'd do that every few months. We are all in our 50s now and she's still at it, dying of the same illness. I haven't seen her for years, though. Finally realized how toxic she was. My siblings still try to satisfy her.
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When I was five, my mother sat down my siblings and me and told me that the doctor said that she was going to die soon and that it was our fault for not appreciating her more. She'd do that every few months. We are all in our 50s now and she's still at it, dying of the same illness. I haven't seen her for years, though. Finally realized how toxic she was. My siblings still try to satisfy her.
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Yunax
My mom always compare myself to others, she thinks that anxiety and being lonely is a joke, thinks that being on the phone all the time will make me depressed but I live in the USA but my family and friends live in Brazil Im not always watching yt Im talking to the people take make me still alive, she thinks I need to be perfect my dad calls me fat and idk he could say that in front of my face
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My mom always compare myself to others, she thinks that anxiety and being lonely is a joke, thinks that being on the phone all the time will make me depressed but I live in the USA but my family and friends live in Brazil Im not always watching yt Im talking to the people take make me still alive, she thinks I need to be perfect my dad calls me fat and idk he could say that in front of my face
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Maytal
I said so was the thing that gives me a lot paranoia and anxiety throughout my childhood and use that word as an excuse makes me rebel more as a teenager since being too controlling in a house is so terrifying and very scaring it makes me resents my parents more and try to heal with time as to how to overcome them since it still hurting yrs later as an adult.
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I said so was the thing that gives me a lot paranoia and anxiety throughout my childhood and use that word as an excuse makes me rebel more as a teenager since being too controlling in a house is so terrifying and very scaring it makes me resents my parents more and try to heal with time as to how to overcome them since it still hurting yrs later as an adult.
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ciao
My mom once said: you ruined my family she didn't even see me as a member of the family. Thanks god my brother was there and answered back for me and protected me. She said sorry, i feel like i still didn't forgive her, and even if one day i will, i will never forget.
I was 15 at the time, and after three years is still kinda hurt
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My mom once said: you ruined my family she didn't even see me as a member of the family. Thanks god my brother was there and answered back for me and protected me. She said sorry, i feel like i still didn't forgive her, and even if one day i will, i will never forget.
I was 15 at the time, and after three years is still kinda hurt
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kermit
my mom has told me and my brother this argument. generalization but hopefully the message comes across. i gave birth to you, be grateful!
i hate this argument so much. i want to never use that argument at all in the first place. i know this is a year old video but. its better i showed it.
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my mom has told me and my brother this argument. generalization but hopefully the message comes across. i gave birth to you, be grateful!
i hate this argument so much. i want to never use that argument at all in the first place. i know this is a year old video but. its better i showed it.
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Weirdo_Kai
My parents don't care about grades. As long as I'm doing my best, they're proud of me. That's what they tell me all the time. And I agree. I don't know if I want kids yet, but if I do and the time comes, I will tell them the same thing. As long as you're doing your best, I'm proud of you.
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My parents don't care about grades. As long as I'm doing my best, they're proud of me. That's what they tell me all the time. And I agree. I don't know if I want kids yet, but if I do and the time comes, I will tell them the same thing. As long as you're doing your best, I'm proud of you.
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Nova
My dad did both Why didn't you? and Because I said so! and it's made me into a perfectionist who keeps getting frozen because I was never taught how to think for myself or make sense of extreme expectations I didn't understand. I'm trying to learn to be kinder to myself, but it's hard: (
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My dad did both Why didn't you? and Because I said so! and it's made me into a perfectionist who keeps getting frozen because I was never taught how to think for myself or make sense of extreme expectations I didn't understand. I'm trying to learn to be kinder to myself, but it's hard: (
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xxRetzaHxx
My own mom called me crazy a couple years ago, I may be an adult but u dont tell ur own child that even as a adult. It still hurt me a lot inside. And it was Christmas to.
Also me and her were doing fine nothing happened she just said it for idk what reason.
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My own mom called me crazy a couple years ago, I may be an adult but u dont tell ur own child that even as a adult. It still hurt me a lot inside. And it was Christmas to.
Also me and her were doing fine nothing happened she just said it for idk what reason.
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education
Heres one you shouldnt say to your kids: we weren't planning on having you/you were an accident. Nothing makes you feel as worthless as a parent basically admitting they brought you into the world for no reason, or that they were woefully unprepared for you.
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Heres one you shouldnt say to your kids: we weren't planning on having you/you were an accident. Nothing makes you feel as worthless as a parent basically admitting they brought you into the world for no reason, or that they were woefully unprepared for you.
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education
My parents compare me with other children. For better grades. Sorry if I wrote something wrong. When I art they say you should study. When I study and have A on exam. They just say ok. This video is like me parent's. I'm teenager.
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My parents compare me with other children. For better grades. Sorry if I wrote something wrong. When I art they say you should study. When I study and have A on exam. They just say ok. This video is like me parent's. I'm teenager.
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Shadeysha
Um what happens if Ive been told all of them by my mom not dad I was just watching bc it popped up and I didnt really think much of till I realized that literally every single thing on the list Ive been told till this day (Im 18)
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Um what happens if Ive been told all of them by my mom not dad I was just watching bc it popped up and I didnt really think much of till I realized that literally every single thing on the list Ive been told till this day (Im 18)
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Taylor
My mom is a narcissist shes emotionally destroyed mentally destroyed physically destroyed me and my brothers growing up WHY DO U TREAT US LIKE THIS PLEASE STOP MY COUSIN KILLED HERSELF AND THEY STILL DONT CARE ABOUT US
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My mom is a narcissist shes emotionally destroyed mentally destroyed physically destroyed me and my brothers growing up WHY DO U TREAT US LIKE THIS PLEASE STOP MY COUSIN KILLED HERSELF AND THEY STILL DONT CARE ABOUT US
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pheonixan
Bro my mom did all of those things it's to the point I cry every time she tells or anyone yells it's sad because she also hits me and nun of the adults believe me like the police or child protection services
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Bro my mom did all of those things it's to the point I cry every time she tells or anyone yells it's sad because she also hits me and nun of the adults believe me like the police or child protection services
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