How Your Trauma Explains Your Coping Mechanisms
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
catwannabe
For all of you who have that annoying friend who is constantly compliment fishing the reason they do this is probably because they can't believe themselves when they think positive things about themselves or don't want to believe the negative thoughts they think.
They feel they might trick themselves into believing positive things about themselves that are false so they only believe they can trust outside sources. When they become attention seeking or constantly tell jokes it's probably because they are afraid of being forgotten and not mattering.
Sometimes they exaggerate their problems because they feel they need them to be big enough to be allowed to feel the way they do. When they do this they feel like they are lying for sympathy points and maybe they are to a certain point. they think if they don't make a problem big enough then it doesnt matter and they are just weak.
They are afraid of being worthless so they feel the need to get validation from others because how can you get validation from something that is worthless? How can you trust something worthless?
They feel like when they are trying to convince themselves positive things are true about themselves those things aren't true. They know those things are true about them but they can't believe it. That's why they go to you for confirmation that they are a worthy, liked, rememberable, person.
If you can convince others to compliment you than surely you can convince yourself to think positive things about you so they think maybe those positive things are false so they think they have to make up negatives thoughts to even it out so they don't become a arrogant person.
Sometimes they do nice things without a thought just because it's the right thing to do but afterwards they decide to tell you about it because they need proof they aren't a terrible person.
The longer they think about this kind of behavior in themselves the more they think they must be a selfish, self-absorbed person who doesn't care about anyone else and only does things for their own gain. They hate themselves for this and will probably compliment fish others into validating them as people who aren't hated or terrible.
It is a very tough mindeset to be in and a very hard one to get out of. A lot of them don't even realize they do it. If this is putting a strain on your relationship maybe try talking to them about it and maybe try being a little more considerate with that friend this week. Some of us are just trying our best to keep going on.
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For all of you who have that annoying friend who is constantly compliment fishing the reason they do this is probably because they can't believe themselves when they think positive things about themselves or don't want to believe the negative thoughts they think.
They feel they might trick themselves into believing positive things about themselves that are false so they only believe they can trust outside sources. When they become attention seeking or constantly tell jokes it's probably because they are afraid of being forgotten and not mattering.
Sometimes they exaggerate their problems because they feel they need them to be big enough to be allowed to feel the way they do. When they do this they feel like they are lying for sympathy points and maybe they are to a certain point. they think if they don't make a problem big enough then it doesnt matter and they are just weak.
They are afraid of being worthless so they feel the need to get validation from others because how can you get validation from something that is worthless? How can you trust something worthless?
They feel like when they are trying to convince themselves positive things are true about themselves those things aren't true. They know those things are true about them but they can't believe it. That's why they go to you for confirmation that they are a worthy, liked, rememberable, person.
If you can convince others to compliment you than surely you can convince yourself to think positive things about you so they think maybe those positive things are false so they think they have to make up negatives thoughts to even it out so they don't become a arrogant person.
Sometimes they do nice things without a thought just because it's the right thing to do but afterwards they decide to tell you about it because they need proof they aren't a terrible person.
The longer they think about this kind of behavior in themselves the more they think they must be a selfish, self-absorbed person who doesn't care about anyone else and only does things for their own gain. They hate themselves for this and will probably compliment fish others into validating them as people who aren't hated or terrible.
It is a very tough mindeset to be in and a very hard one to get out of. A lot of them don't even realize they do it. If this is putting a strain on your relationship maybe try talking to them about it and maybe try being a little more considerate with that friend this week. Some of us are just trying our best to keep going on.
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Natlie
My parents started divorcing when I was in first grade in elementary school. That means my I don't really have much memories about my whole family being happy. I also have younger 2 years younger sister. I don't think she remembers much either. I also have a medical condition, even tough it is not really visible. It is called AVM and I have one fairly large positioned in my brain. My teacher told everyone the first day so you can probably imagine that I became the target from get-go. On top of that my father was really manipulative and I was too dumb. Can't say so about my studies though. The divorce prolonged as my parents fought about us. My dad want to completely destroy mom. Then mom got pregnant with her new husband and I think I just got insecure. I was ten back then and now I think that I was just afraid that I will be cast aside. After all I AM the defective one who is in hospital often enough to know all nurses on the ward. I went in my father's care. Mom was sad. I had no time to care. I know I am a bad child. But it felt right at that time. That was when I started realizing my father's drinking, but there was always someone around. At least at start. Then there started to be times with no one around. And the evenings when he drank and then called for my little sister. It wasn't often but it happened and my little sister was terrified. I didn't have the time to. I had to take care of her and the only ones who could help were adults. It normally ended up with our uncle coming over and taking us all to his house. Around that time my best friend at school joined in bullying at school. It was fifth grade and he left school after that grade. Let's skip a bit. After some time, father got full custody with our consent. That was when everything became worse. Dad started to drink more frequently and got angry easily. I had to protect my sister so I tried to pull it all at me. Not that she is a grateful type or anything. It went like that for around half a year and was gradually worsening. Still I had my eyes covered and ears shut. When it was ninght
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My parents started divorcing when I was in first grade in elementary school. That means my I don't really have much memories about my whole family being happy. I also have younger 2 years younger sister. I don't think she remembers much either. I also have a medical condition, even tough it is not really visible. It is called AVM and I have one fairly large positioned in my brain. My teacher told everyone the first day so you can probably imagine that I became the target from get-go. On top of that my father was really manipulative and I was too dumb. Can't say so about my studies though. The divorce prolonged as my parents fought about us. My dad want to completely destroy mom. Then mom got pregnant with her new husband and I think I just got insecure. I was ten back then and now I think that I was just afraid that I will be cast aside. After all I AM the defective one who is in hospital often enough to know all nurses on the ward. I went in my father's care. Mom was sad. I had no time to care. I know I am a bad child. But it felt right at that time. That was when I started realizing my father's drinking, but there was always someone around. At least at start. Then there started to be times with no one around. And the evenings when he drank and then called for my little sister. It wasn't often but it happened and my little sister was terrified. I didn't have the time to. I had to take care of her and the only ones who could help were adults. It normally ended up with our uncle coming over and taking us all to his house. Around that time my best friend at school joined in bullying at school. It was fifth grade and he left school after that grade. Let's skip a bit. After some time, father got full custody with our consent. That was when everything became worse. Dad started to drink more frequently and got angry easily. I had to protect my sister so I tried to pull it all at me. Not that she is a grateful type or anything. It went like that for around half a year and was gradually worsening. Still I had my eyes covered and ears shut. When it was ninght
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Ariadne,
I let my ex send me to jail pregnant, scared, and right after having been literally chained to a 15ft chain for 10 months and unknowing of the outside world beyond a room/bed and trailer bathroom that I got water from the faucet. I got food if I was good every few days. I never talk about my experiences because I always feel someone had it worse. I was a huge people pleaser until I got pregnant and tried to say no for my baby. Then my abusive ex (I felt I deserved it so never fought the abuse because I convinced myself he was just mentally ill which he was) chained me in my sleep the night before I was going to leave and kept me captive for months. He finally gave me some freedom and caught me trying to run so. He sent me to jail with his detective cousin(my ex was a charismatic sociopath and no one ever saw him as less than a saint) and I lost the baby in jail. I've often almost convinced myself it WAS my fault and to stop the court proceedings and go back to him but this video made me see alot of my behaviors are because of other incidents in my life. Thank you and I hope whoever has read this. YOU HAVE THE STRENGTH TO BE STRONG. FREEDOM ISN'T A NORMAL NEGOTIATION TOOL AND IF YOU CAN PICTURE TRUE FREEDOM AND HAPPINESS FOR SOMEONE ELSE, AND YOUR LIFE ISN'T IT, YOU ARE NOT FREE AND HAPPY.
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I let my ex send me to jail pregnant, scared, and right after having been literally chained to a 15ft chain for 10 months and unknowing of the outside world beyond a room/bed and trailer bathroom that I got water from the faucet. I got food if I was good every few days. I never talk about my experiences because I always feel someone had it worse. I was a huge people pleaser until I got pregnant and tried to say no for my baby. Then my abusive ex (I felt I deserved it so never fought the abuse because I convinced myself he was just mentally ill which he was) chained me in my sleep the night before I was going to leave and kept me captive for months. He finally gave me some freedom and caught me trying to run so. He sent me to jail with his detective cousin(my ex was a charismatic sociopath and no one ever saw him as less than a saint) and I lost the baby in jail. I've often almost convinced myself it WAS my fault and to stop the court proceedings and go back to him but this video made me see alot of my behaviors are because of other incidents in my life. Thank you and I hope whoever has read this. YOU HAVE THE STRENGTH TO BE STRONG. FREEDOM ISN'T A NORMAL NEGOTIATION TOOL AND IF YOU CAN PICTURE TRUE FREEDOM AND HAPPINESS FOR SOMEONE ELSE, AND YOUR LIFE ISN'T IT, YOU ARE NOT FREE AND HAPPY.
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Derpyditto
That sprout looking out the window at the stars almost made me cry. Growing up, the sky and stars were like great friends that filled an emotional gap that was sorely lacking (heck, I looked up at the sky so much it made me have a lucid dream once) I reconized the emotional baggage a bit ago, I just didn't know what to do. I thought the answer was in myself. predictably. I also likely have the dependant emotional baggage, but ironically the other, more powerful emotional baggage (emotional deprivation) skewed this in the complete opposite direction.
To be fair to my parents, all my life I've had autism, which they didn't know how to deal with, but that didn't mitigate the hours I spent raging or crying (often triggered by little things, or seemingly nothing) because of the emotional deprivation baggage. I also think the shame unworthiness baggage came in because of public school teachers paired with autism. So I guess all my life I've been doing a juggling act.
I've been trying to figure this out for so long, thanks for bringing it to light.
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That sprout looking out the window at the stars almost made me cry. Growing up, the sky and stars were like great friends that filled an emotional gap that was sorely lacking (heck, I looked up at the sky so much it made me have a lucid dream once) I reconized the emotional baggage a bit ago, I just didn't know what to do. I thought the answer was in myself. predictably. I also likely have the dependant emotional baggage, but ironically the other, more powerful emotional baggage (emotional deprivation) skewed this in the complete opposite direction.
To be fair to my parents, all my life I've had autism, which they didn't know how to deal with, but that didn't mitigate the hours I spent raging or crying (often triggered by little things, or seemingly nothing) because of the emotional deprivation baggage. I also think the shame unworthiness baggage came in because of public school teachers paired with autism. So I guess all my life I've been doing a juggling act.
I've been trying to figure this out for so long, thanks for bringing it to light.
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Witchtale
Emotional deprivation and emotional inhibition for me, not traumatic but I can identify with it a little.
Dad at work majority of the time and mom being very cold. Shes severely mentally ill with multiple disorders, manic bipolar disorder, coupled with schizophrenia and more. I believe the bipolar disorder is what played part the most with this but she was always talking, mostly yelling at and screaming, to nonexistent people; and whenever she was actually taking care of us, was almost never affectionate if it wasnt just routine or in front of people. I still remember being stressed over not knowing how to solve my elementary school homework, crying, and her just asking _Why are you crying? _ in this semi-annoyed tone.
I is gud, she not allowed to see us by order of court unless under supervision, and me is happy with best friens: >
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Emotional deprivation and emotional inhibition for me, not traumatic but I can identify with it a little.
Dad at work majority of the time and mom being very cold. Shes severely mentally ill with multiple disorders, manic bipolar disorder, coupled with schizophrenia and more. I believe the bipolar disorder is what played part the most with this but she was always talking, mostly yelling at and screaming, to nonexistent people; and whenever she was actually taking care of us, was almost never affectionate if it wasnt just routine or in front of people. I still remember being stressed over not knowing how to solve my elementary school homework, crying, and her just asking _Why are you crying? _ in this semi-annoyed tone.
I is gud, she not allowed to see us by order of court unless under supervision, and me is happy with best friens: >
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Harvey
I recently discovered a Hungarian/Canadian doctor on you tube. His name is Gabor Mate. After watching him I bought his book, The Myth of Normal.
I have been ill for 30 years, stomach pains, fatigue and the list goes on. Doctor after doctor, specialists, internal cameras. You name it, I have tried it.
Two chapters into the book and it clicked. I have Childhood PTSD. All my ailments are caused by stress relating to my past.
I am not perfect now but I am a whole lot better than I was.
We all assume our childhood was normal because you can only have one. You have nothing else to relate to.
Try the book, even it you only can read the first couple of chapters. Gabor is an extraordinary human being. Go find him.
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I recently discovered a Hungarian/Canadian doctor on you tube. His name is Gabor Mate. After watching him I bought his book, The Myth of Normal.
I have been ill for 30 years, stomach pains, fatigue and the list goes on. Doctor after doctor, specialists, internal cameras. You name it, I have tried it.
Two chapters into the book and it clicked. I have Childhood PTSD. All my ailments are caused by stress relating to my past.
I am not perfect now but I am a whole lot better than I was.
We all assume our childhood was normal because you can only have one. You have nothing else to relate to.
Try the book, even it you only can read the first couple of chapters. Gabor is an extraordinary human being. Go find him.
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education
The 5th one hits me the most. I've been struggling with that on these years with my mother. That's why I would act cold and not trying to depend on her sometimes, but her bursting mouth would always stresses me off. Therefore, I became an incompetent person even though I've been fighting to get rid of her overprotectiveness and overdependent on me in order to grow more and be pratical independently. But I guess living in the same roof with parents over these years won't work? That's why sometimes, it sucks to be the youngest.
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The 5th one hits me the most. I've been struggling with that on these years with my mother. That's why I would act cold and not trying to depend on her sometimes, but her bursting mouth would always stresses me off. Therefore, I became an incompetent person even though I've been fighting to get rid of her overprotectiveness and overdependent on me in order to grow more and be pratical independently. But I guess living in the same roof with parents over these years won't work? That's why sometimes, it sucks to be the youngest.
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Nessie
Shame and Unworthiness hit home. My step dad has OCPD and because of this everything has to be his way or no way. If I have another idea than his its not right. If I have another way of doing something its not the best way because its not his way. Its difficult and exhausting to deal with causing me to blow up with emotions. But now hes being treated and I have to get use to this different person whos more sensitive to emotions
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Shame and Unworthiness hit home. My step dad has OCPD and because of this everything has to be his way or no way. If I have another idea than his its not right. If I have another way of doing something its not the best way because its not his way. Its difficult and exhausting to deal with causing me to blow up with emotions. But now hes being treated and I have to get use to this different person whos more sensitive to emotions
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Rachel
I have experienced almost all of these traumas but my coping mechanism is to make fun of or laugh at others who experience the same. If I don't express it, I always think it at least one. I also mostly joke about whatever happens to me and, for some reason, trust as many people as I can? Is there anything that can help? Talking hasn't really done anything with me so I'm not sure what to do
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I have experienced almost all of these traumas but my coping mechanism is to make fun of or laugh at others who experience the same. If I don't express it, I always think it at least one. I also mostly joke about whatever happens to me and, for some reason, trust as many people as I can? Is there anything that can help? Talking hasn't really done anything with me so I'm not sure what to do
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Awesome
I've dealt with most of it. Took me years to accept myself and love me for me and I'm still learning more and more. But I'm really glad I'm out of that emotional hell. I still don't share my problems and feelings with anyone though. but I totally accept them and understand myself better.
If you're in any of this mess I hope you heal too, lots of love and healing energy
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I've dealt with most of it. Took me years to accept myself and love me for me and I'm still learning more and more. But I'm really glad I'm out of that emotional hell. I still don't share my problems and feelings with anyone though. but I totally accept them and understand myself better.
If you're in any of this mess I hope you heal too, lots of love and healing energy
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Soul
I want to add on to emotional inhibition. my parents always yelled at me saying I'll give you something to cry about, basically threatening to hit me or something so I'd be crying about something worth crying over. Over the years, I hid my crying, and shoved back tears when I was in front of them. I saw crying as weak. It still feels bad to cry in public now.
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I want to add on to emotional inhibition. my parents always yelled at me saying I'll give you something to cry about, basically threatening to hit me or something so I'd be crying about something worth crying over. Over the years, I hid my crying, and shoved back tears when I was in front of them. I saw crying as weak. It still feels bad to cry in public now.
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Tuna
I cope by hiding in the bathroom and letting the water run through my body, The sounds of running water is very soothing, hiding in the bathroom makes me feel better because it feels like im there yet not there, i can hear everyone yet im alone, it feels nice because i feel like i can run away from everything even though i know i have to face them someday lol
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I cope by hiding in the bathroom and letting the water run through my body, The sounds of running water is very soothing, hiding in the bathroom makes me feel better because it feels like im there yet not there, i can hear everyone yet im alone, it feels nice because i feel like i can run away from everything even though i know i have to face them someday lol
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SissyDoesSims
I don't really relate to any of these, but I notice these behaviors in my friend. I am very emotionally aware and I'm pretty quiet. And just in general, I see behaviors like this in many people and I just feel bad for them. I don't really like using the word society but, its weird how people in society shape themselves.
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I don't really relate to any of these, but I notice these behaviors in my friend. I am very emotionally aware and I'm pretty quiet. And just in general, I see behaviors like this in many people and I just feel bad for them. I don't really like using the word society but, its weird how people in society shape themselves.
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Jojo
0: 51 I have experienced that to my family who would constantly say things that hurt me and say it's my fault.
So is my friend who people believe had a bad day.
Due to being gaslighted by people i love, i somehow believe i have victim mentality because theu claim im controlling
That's fine, gotta man up anyway.
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0: 51 I have experienced that to my family who would constantly say things that hurt me and say it's my fault.
So is my friend who people believe had a bad day.
Due to being gaslighted by people i love, i somehow believe i have victim mentality because theu claim im controlling
That's fine, gotta man up anyway.
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Hannah
My mind reached a level where it stops making sense of things around me when I'm feeling intense emotions or arguing with someone, my brain just dissociates from my body and my beliefs so I don't get hurt or manipulated by them.
I don't have to actively bottle my emotions, I do it subconsciously.
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My mind reached a level where it stops making sense of things around me when I'm feeling intense emotions or arguing with someone, my brain just dissociates from my body and my beliefs so I don't get hurt or manipulated by them.
I don't have to actively bottle my emotions, I do it subconsciously.
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Need
Ive been bullied, moved my whole life and betrayed by people I have helped so I have trouble expressing myself because expressing myself got me in the situation and it makes me have a hard time getting comfortable around others even people I like. Can you help this or give me an idea on how to help
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Ive been bullied, moved my whole life and betrayed by people I have helped so I have trouble expressing myself because expressing myself got me in the situation and it makes me have a hard time getting comfortable around others even people I like. Can you help this or give me an idea on how to help
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MINDYWAAAA
omg number 4 AND 6 is me. my mom every day always told me who i am and what i was and i never truly new myself until i moved out and felt comfortable to become who i really was. now im having to fight the shyness, self-critical and oversensitive outcome i now have. and i'm freaking 29.
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omg number 4 AND 6 is me. my mom every day always told me who i am and what i was and i never truly new myself until i moved out and felt comfortable to become who i really was. now im having to fight the shyness, self-critical and oversensitive outcome i now have. and i'm freaking 29.
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Patriacia
Psilocybin saved my life. I was addicted to heroin for 15 years and after Psilocybin treatment I will be 3 years clean in September. I have zero cravings. This is something that truly needs to be more broadly used in addiction treatment.
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Psilocybin saved my life. I was addicted to heroin for 15 years and after Psilocybin treatment I will be 3 years clean in September. I have zero cravings. This is something that truly needs to be more broadly used in addiction treatment.
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bits
Jeez I have gone through the whole Trauma in this video and the only person to blame is my mom I end up with low self esteem, low confidence, social anxiety, bunch of insecurities. Thanks mom
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Jeez I have gone through the whole Trauma in this video and the only person to blame is my mom I end up with low self esteem, low confidence, social anxiety, bunch of insecurities. Thanks mom
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Rina
Being called a drama queen as a young child really messed with my emotional availability as an adult.
Even now writing this her voice in my head is saying youre being dramatic
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Being called a drama queen as a young child really messed with my emotional availability as an adult.
Even now writing this her voice in my head is saying youre being dramatic
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dankyoda
I just realized my mom compares me to all my cousins and say on how much better they are then me so I started copying them I can change moods in an instant I can mimic voices
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I just realized my mom compares me to all my cousins and say on how much better they are then me so I started copying them I can change moods in an instant I can mimic voices
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Selina
I have never seen a video more describe my life
I never realised until recently how much my parents being how they are damaged me
I relate to every single one of these
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I have never seen a video more describe my life
I never realised until recently how much my parents being how they are damaged me
I relate to every single one of these
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Nelson
I relate to the first one also the last i got i stuggle with rarely but it use to be a big probelm. Abuse was the readon i mistrusted anybody with no reason for it at all.
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I relate to the first one also the last i got i stuggle with rarely but it use to be a big probelm. Abuse was the readon i mistrusted anybody with no reason for it at all.
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Annabelle
I could relate to almost all of them. I have so much unhealed trauma, but I don't know why, I don't know who or what caused them, I can't understand why I'm like this
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I could relate to almost all of them. I have so much unhealed trauma, but I don't know why, I don't know who or what caused them, I can't understand why I'm like this
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LowpolySunrise
Is it still possible to cope with trauma if you don't remember what caused some kinds of them? I'm only saying it cause I don't remember a lot of my life.
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Is it still possible to cope with trauma if you don't remember what caused some kinds of them? I'm only saying it cause I don't remember a lot of my life.
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