8 Toxic Behaviors You Should NEVER Tolerate In Your Relationship
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
EmieLee
I broke up with my ex boyfriend a month ago and it was mostly because he checked 5 out of those 8 behaviors:
- Lack of trust: I got used to his lack of trust because he was already very suspicious about me from the beginning of our relationship. We were together for 3 years and even at the end of our relationship, he did not trust me. even though I ruined a very good friendship I had with a guy friend so he wouldn't feel uncomfortable, he still couldn't trust me. His last message? : just tell me if you cheated on me. (I talked back to that guy friend and we are now friends again)
- Extreme clinginess: Whenever I would go out with someone he would ask me the same questions as in the video. Sometime he even asked me to introduce him to every one of my friends because he would like to know every people I go out with. He said he wanted to be friends with them too. I never felt comfortable with that and I told him so but he would get mad at me when I refused.
- Avoiding responsibilities: Everytime I'd try to confront him about things that are going wrong in our relationship, he would not answer my calls and messages for a week and come back when he thinks things are getting better. Leaving me alone in my frustration and growing anger.
- Constant lying: always, since the beginning. I got hurt a lot of time because of that and I told him calmly, harshly, while crying. a lot of time in a lot of situation but it didn't bothered him. In fact, he continued.
- Super flakiness: I don't even remember the number of times he told me he would come to my place at midnight - 1AM (he works in catering) and that I would wait for him even tho I was tired, just so he wouldn't show up. Making me tired and wrecking my sleep schedule for nothing.
There were good things he did like being there for me when I had some stressful event happening in my life and I was attached to his kind gestures but he was more problems than he was solutions to. I felt awful in our relationship especially because even if he was there to help me out, when I did something great he would belittle what I did. He's the type of guy to say If I were you, I would have done it like this.
I was depressed for a long time before meeting him but I'd never cried. Somehow, during our relationship, I would cry a tremendous number of time which was not like me at all.
Anyway I don't forgive him for the pain but I don't despise him. I'd say I'm quite neutral towards him now. Sorry for writing so much, I just had it in me and I wanted to talk about it.
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I broke up with my ex boyfriend a month ago and it was mostly because he checked 5 out of those 8 behaviors:
- Lack of trust: I got used to his lack of trust because he was already very suspicious about me from the beginning of our relationship. We were together for 3 years and even at the end of our relationship, he did not trust me. even though I ruined a very good friendship I had with a guy friend so he wouldn't feel uncomfortable, he still couldn't trust me. His last message? : just tell me if you cheated on me. (I talked back to that guy friend and we are now friends again)
- Extreme clinginess: Whenever I would go out with someone he would ask me the same questions as in the video. Sometime he even asked me to introduce him to every one of my friends because he would like to know every people I go out with. He said he wanted to be friends with them too. I never felt comfortable with that and I told him so but he would get mad at me when I refused.
- Avoiding responsibilities: Everytime I'd try to confront him about things that are going wrong in our relationship, he would not answer my calls and messages for a week and come back when he thinks things are getting better. Leaving me alone in my frustration and growing anger.
- Constant lying: always, since the beginning. I got hurt a lot of time because of that and I told him calmly, harshly, while crying. a lot of time in a lot of situation but it didn't bothered him. In fact, he continued.
- Super flakiness: I don't even remember the number of times he told me he would come to my place at midnight - 1AM (he works in catering) and that I would wait for him even tho I was tired, just so he wouldn't show up. Making me tired and wrecking my sleep schedule for nothing.
There were good things he did like being there for me when I had some stressful event happening in my life and I was attached to his kind gestures but he was more problems than he was solutions to. I felt awful in our relationship especially because even if he was there to help me out, when I did something great he would belittle what I did. He's the type of guy to say If I were you, I would have done it like this.
I was depressed for a long time before meeting him but I'd never cried. Somehow, during our relationship, I would cry a tremendous number of time which was not like me at all.
Anyway I don't forgive him for the pain but I don't despise him. I'd say I'm quite neutral towards him now. Sorry for writing so much, I just had it in me and I wanted to talk about it.
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Love
I appreciate these videos but. and this is the first time I feel I have to say this But I'm not sure about that 8th. The partner also has responsibility for the relationship. If it goes to this way I'm sure not that's the only way the passive person didn't do anything wrong. They used to do a lot or the opposite, they didn't do anything to make the relationship better. Either if the partner tried to talk about the problems. I don't say that it is the point always, but I talk lots of people who created or who's partners cheated them. It's not that simple. Please don't tell people they didn't do anything wrong. They didn't realize also if they didn't mean to be together or if the partner was unhappy or hurt. Sometimes they were careless and let things happen. A cheater doesn't always do what he/she does because they don't love the partner. They sometimes try to feel better, calm down and leave the needs of the missing things to keep take care of their loved ones. I know it sounds strange but I've seen too much of these. Thx if you read and sorry if it wasn't inappropriate.
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I appreciate these videos but. and this is the first time I feel I have to say this But I'm not sure about that 8th. The partner also has responsibility for the relationship. If it goes to this way I'm sure not that's the only way the passive person didn't do anything wrong. They used to do a lot or the opposite, they didn't do anything to make the relationship better. Either if the partner tried to talk about the problems. I don't say that it is the point always, but I talk lots of people who created or who's partners cheated them. It's not that simple. Please don't tell people they didn't do anything wrong. They didn't realize also if they didn't mean to be together or if the partner was unhappy or hurt. Sometimes they were careless and let things happen. A cheater doesn't always do what he/she does because they don't love the partner. They sometimes try to feel better, calm down and leave the needs of the missing things to keep take care of their loved ones. I know it sounds strange but I've seen too much of these. Thx if you read and sorry if it wasn't inappropriate.
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DollyNipples
I dealt with a 'friend' who was excessively clingy, constantly demanding that I be on AIM (yes, it was THAT long ago) and that I look at/comment on things she told me to. And I had taken pity on her because people were giving her a hard time (and deservedly so, as she was passing off traced art as her own) and tried to help her, but it's like she thought I was magic and didn't need to go to school or class, or to home, or bed, or even just eat meals or have time to myself just to think. No. I had to be online when she was on or she would throw a baby-fit. Eventually, I ghosted her because I knew she could not be reasoned with and I didn't want to get guilted into staying.
To her credit, she was civil in public. I blocked her on the instant messengers and maybe she was smart enough to not be abusive to me where I could report and get her bunned. Felt so good and relieved that I was able to get rid of that source of stress. Maybe a twinge of guilt since I promised to stay with her, but honestly I just couldn't keep making her problems be my problems.
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I dealt with a 'friend' who was excessively clingy, constantly demanding that I be on AIM (yes, it was THAT long ago) and that I look at/comment on things she told me to. And I had taken pity on her because people were giving her a hard time (and deservedly so, as she was passing off traced art as her own) and tried to help her, but it's like she thought I was magic and didn't need to go to school or class, or to home, or bed, or even just eat meals or have time to myself just to think. No. I had to be online when she was on or she would throw a baby-fit. Eventually, I ghosted her because I knew she could not be reasoned with and I didn't want to get guilted into staying.
To her credit, she was civil in public. I blocked her on the instant messengers and maybe she was smart enough to not be abusive to me where I could report and get her bunned. Felt so good and relieved that I was able to get rid of that source of stress. Maybe a twinge of guilt since I promised to stay with her, but honestly I just couldn't keep making her problems be my problems.
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Darius
So the mother of my child is almost exactly this video everything down to cheating while pregnant. Ive been taking care of her for the last 9 months while shes been holding our child. This video has helped me realize that Im not crazy. I sent it to her and she pretty much just said I know but I love. It hurts so damn bad. I dont want to be in this relationship I just cant see myself out of it. I tell and ask her to leave I sit down and have gentle talks about my feelings usually the gaslighting or something of the sorts is a result. My baby boys coming any time now and I dont know what to do. She doesnt have anybody but Im so damn miserable. If I kick her out Im worried on where shell go what shell do. Im worried about her taking my son away. Idk but I feel wrecked. I constantly feel wrecked. Lately shes been trying very hard to get me to see that she actually does love me but I simply dont believe it and it makes me angry. Havent been this angry and miserable since I was very very young.
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So the mother of my child is almost exactly this video everything down to cheating while pregnant. Ive been taking care of her for the last 9 months while shes been holding our child. This video has helped me realize that Im not crazy. I sent it to her and she pretty much just said I know but I love. It hurts so damn bad. I dont want to be in this relationship I just cant see myself out of it. I tell and ask her to leave I sit down and have gentle talks about my feelings usually the gaslighting or something of the sorts is a result. My baby boys coming any time now and I dont know what to do. She doesnt have anybody but Im so damn miserable. If I kick her out Im worried on where shell go what shell do. Im worried about her taking my son away. Idk but I feel wrecked. I constantly feel wrecked. Lately shes been trying very hard to get me to see that she actually does love me but I simply dont believe it and it makes me angry. Havent been this angry and miserable since I was very very young.
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Dua
I'm in a toxic relationship, I got cheated on, hit, verbally abused, accused of cheating, blamed when I got harassed and even when I cry and get breakdowns.
I got manipulated, I always apologise and try to make things up.
I'm a people pleaser, and they used this against me making me give up my principles.
I get controlled in the name of love and jealousy. how I dress, where I go, what I do, who I talk to, and even my life decisions aren't mine anymore.
I don't feel attracted to them or even in love with them anymore. However, I'm so attached to them and can't leave. Even when I gathered my courage to actually break up with them, they threatened me to hurt or even kill themselves, and it would be on me, and I'll have to live with that for the rest of my life.
He's my first love and first relationship ever. I just want to leave in peace, I know he'll never change, and things will never work out. How do I get out, please. I don't feel like myself anymore, I miss the old me.
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I'm in a toxic relationship, I got cheated on, hit, verbally abused, accused of cheating, blamed when I got harassed and even when I cry and get breakdowns.
I got manipulated, I always apologise and try to make things up.
I'm a people pleaser, and they used this against me making me give up my principles.
I get controlled in the name of love and jealousy. how I dress, where I go, what I do, who I talk to, and even my life decisions aren't mine anymore.
I don't feel attracted to them or even in love with them anymore. However, I'm so attached to them and can't leave. Even when I gathered my courage to actually break up with them, they threatened me to hurt or even kill themselves, and it would be on me, and I'll have to live with that for the rest of my life.
He's my first love and first relationship ever. I just want to leave in peace, I know he'll never change, and things will never work out. How do I get out, please. I don't feel like myself anymore, I miss the old me.
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Meee
I need a bit of help, my lover and me are hanging on the thin line of Break-up procedure. It's my fault Ik I pushed him away due to my own selfishness but listen. I've been cheated by him and that time he begged to get a chance and I thought to give him but taking my time. in that time I couldn't I became insecure, overthinking to depth of hell, crying and blaming myself that if I was perfect it wouldn't have happened, it was going 'well' in front of him but not in reality, I got to know a lot more truth later about him that shattered my heart, I love him. I really do. But I know he'd never let me go and give me fake hopes of becoming better, so I asked for a break-up and lied that I don't love him anymore. I had to do it cause I wanted to protect myself from the manipulation and heartbreak, I'm selfish ik but I had to, now we're stuck in a very bad situation where maybe he's trying to move on or thinking of keeping me, and I'm trying to go away but I love him.
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I need a bit of help, my lover and me are hanging on the thin line of Break-up procedure. It's my fault Ik I pushed him away due to my own selfishness but listen. I've been cheated by him and that time he begged to get a chance and I thought to give him but taking my time. in that time I couldn't I became insecure, overthinking to depth of hell, crying and blaming myself that if I was perfect it wouldn't have happened, it was going 'well' in front of him but not in reality, I got to know a lot more truth later about him that shattered my heart, I love him. I really do. But I know he'd never let me go and give me fake hopes of becoming better, so I asked for a break-up and lied that I don't love him anymore. I had to do it cause I wanted to protect myself from the manipulation and heartbreak, I'm selfish ik but I had to, now we're stuck in a very bad situation where maybe he's trying to move on or thinking of keeping me, and I'm trying to go away but I love him.
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Josphine
Honestly, I don't believe in cheating anymore I just see it as lieing for hormonally selfish reasons. naturally humans really are polyamorous because we're a social species, but monogamy is the status quo and even though individuals will instinictively gravitate toward a potential mate for discernable qualities, fantasy, overthinking and doubt will always cloud one's judgement.
One should not look for love, but accept love for flaws and all. It's the capacity of work put in throughout all relationships and through time that brings people to their knees, to which then, one must always be self-assured, with or without anyone, that they can make it on thier own in this life and by extension this world.
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Honestly, I don't believe in cheating anymore I just see it as lieing for hormonally selfish reasons. naturally humans really are polyamorous because we're a social species, but monogamy is the status quo and even though individuals will instinictively gravitate toward a potential mate for discernable qualities, fantasy, overthinking and doubt will always cloud one's judgement.
One should not look for love, but accept love for flaws and all. It's the capacity of work put in throughout all relationships and through time that brings people to their knees, to which then, one must always be self-assured, with or without anyone, that they can make it on thier own in this life and by extension this world.
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StarScream
alot of what is described here goes both ways for me and her, she cheated on me before, so i am very clingy and worried about who she talks to and where she goes, ik its toxic, but i wanna believe she can change, i just need to watch over her, i am trying to respect her personal space, and am trying to be supportive and give her as much space as possible, but. she is hard, i cant deny, i love her alot, but its hard trying to work with someone who is most of the time cold to me, and does little to no help. even during arguments i have to help her figure it out, ik she is new to healthy relationships, ik she is in pain. but its the first time for me. sometimes i wonder if i did the right choice honestly.
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alot of what is described here goes both ways for me and her, she cheated on me before, so i am very clingy and worried about who she talks to and where she goes, ik its toxic, but i wanna believe she can change, i just need to watch over her, i am trying to respect her personal space, and am trying to be supportive and give her as much space as possible, but. she is hard, i cant deny, i love her alot, but its hard trying to work with someone who is most of the time cold to me, and does little to no help. even during arguments i have to help her figure it out, ik she is new to healthy relationships, ik she is in pain. but its the first time for me. sometimes i wonder if i did the right choice honestly.
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katarina1122331
If I find someone better, I will let you know. That's what my ex told me several times during the relationship. I should have opened the door: go and find. I felt really bad and cried. He has never apologized. When he dumped me, he said it has never been seriously relationship, that I should be grateful to him for being honest. Because in the past his ex fiancee cheated on him, I have no idea how painful it is, so he confirmed it's better to let me know I have been just temporary toy and easily replaceable. It was kind of revenge for his trauma and frustration. Only because I'm a woman, just like his ex fiance.
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If I find someone better, I will let you know. That's what my ex told me several times during the relationship. I should have opened the door: go and find. I felt really bad and cried. He has never apologized. When he dumped me, he said it has never been seriously relationship, that I should be grateful to him for being honest. Because in the past his ex fiancee cheated on him, I have no idea how painful it is, so he confirmed it's better to let me know I have been just temporary toy and easily replaceable. It was kind of revenge for his trauma and frustration. Only because I'm a woman, just like his ex fiance.
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Stampergoeroe
I got the traits of #1 #2 and #5, I always tried to make myself free for my ex as much as possible and she was getting more and more busy and I ended up losing trust in her and thought she was cheating on me even tho she had taken marked on every social media account and I kept on sharing my thoughts with others but not with her because I was too scared to tell
Once she found out she lost all trust in me and decided to break up with me
It sucks that it happened because I feel irredeemable because of this because there's no way back anymore other than moving on
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I got the traits of #1 #2 and #5, I always tried to make myself free for my ex as much as possible and she was getting more and more busy and I ended up losing trust in her and thought she was cheating on me even tho she had taken marked on every social media account and I kept on sharing my thoughts with others but not with her because I was too scared to tell
Once she found out she lost all trust in me and decided to break up with me
It sucks that it happened because I feel irredeemable because of this because there's no way back anymore other than moving on
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Neo
I was the cheater and I am trying to make things right I don't know how to explain the situation is complicated and it was toxic before I did what I did an then I started to lie she said I am not allowed to feel bad for what I did because I Shattered her I have been trying to show that I am not going to do it again I have been trying to work on myself but it feels like it is Worthless I am stuck in a Constant loop I know that what I did was wrong and it should have never happened with all that said am I really the bad guy
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I was the cheater and I am trying to make things right I don't know how to explain the situation is complicated and it was toxic before I did what I did an then I started to lie she said I am not allowed to feel bad for what I did because I Shattered her I have been trying to show that I am not going to do it again I have been trying to work on myself but it feels like it is Worthless I am stuck in a Constant loop I know that what I did was wrong and it should have never happened with all that said am I really the bad guy
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Vessel8
You and your partner should be Yin and Yang. You should be a part of each other while maintaining your sense of self. You should remain balanced in exchanging affection in your own ways. You need trust and care respectively. But you need to remember that you are not an extension of your partner, and they aren't an extension of you. You should never be the only person giving or the only person taking, or the only person telling the truth or the only person listening. Your partner is your equal, and you are theirs.
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You and your partner should be Yin and Yang. You should be a part of each other while maintaining your sense of self. You should remain balanced in exchanging affection in your own ways. You need trust and care respectively. But you need to remember that you are not an extension of your partner, and they aren't an extension of you. You should never be the only person giving or the only person taking, or the only person telling the truth or the only person listening. Your partner is your equal, and you are theirs.
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AnneCan'tGame
As my last relationship was coming to an end my ex would make plans with me and then entirely skip out and go missing, saying he was asleep or was busy with his mom. Which was normal earlier in the relationship until i found out he lied about not avoiding me. Then the trust was gone and I think we were broken up pretty quickly after. It's been almost a year now so it's fine since I ended up with an anxiety disorder from the relationship that I'm still dealing with.
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As my last relationship was coming to an end my ex would make plans with me and then entirely skip out and go missing, saying he was asleep or was busy with his mom. Which was normal earlier in the relationship until i found out he lied about not avoiding me. Then the trust was gone and I think we were broken up pretty quickly after. It's been almost a year now so it's fine since I ended up with an anxiety disorder from the relationship that I'm still dealing with.
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Yuri
I'm actually worried for my best friend. Her boyfriend is. well. one clingy guy. If she manages to miss one phone call or even fails to reply to one of his texts, the dude would go furious. I kept on telling her that it's very toxic and that she should break it off with him, but she just won't budge. She kept on assuring me that she's okay, that she loves him and all, and would go all out on making his speeches for him.
Yes--SHE'S THE ONE WHO MAKES HIS SPEECHES.
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I'm actually worried for my best friend. Her boyfriend is. well. one clingy guy. If she manages to miss one phone call or even fails to reply to one of his texts, the dude would go furious. I kept on telling her that it's very toxic and that she should break it off with him, but she just won't budge. She kept on assuring me that she's okay, that she loves him and all, and would go all out on making his speeches for him.
Yes--SHE'S THE ONE WHO MAKES HIS SPEECHES.
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Craig
When my wife left after 35 years, she told me I was a narcissist and toxic. A FB friend had been complaining about these behaviors in their SO, so I read up on it. I saw some behaviors I was doing, but I also saw some she was. I got to thinking that one of our behaviors might be a reflection of the other's. If this video is what a narcissist is, I do not want to be that person. I'm starting video therapy this week; I don't know what else I can do.
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When my wife left after 35 years, she told me I was a narcissist and toxic. A FB friend had been complaining about these behaviors in their SO, so I read up on it. I saw some behaviors I was doing, but I also saw some she was. I got to thinking that one of our behaviors might be a reflection of the other's. If this video is what a narcissist is, I do not want to be that person. I'm starting video therapy this week; I don't know what else I can do.
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MaryJane
Once a cheat/liar, always a cheat/liar is not a healthy mindset. It assumes the person isn't capable of growth, and the behavior is an active choice, when both are symptoms of a potential mental illness. Not saying that all people who do these things are willing to do the work to change, or that they should be overlooked. Just saying, look deeper, if you are willing and able, and you might be able to salvage the relationship.
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Once a cheat/liar, always a cheat/liar is not a healthy mindset. It assumes the person isn't capable of growth, and the behavior is an active choice, when both are symptoms of a potential mental illness. Not saying that all people who do these things are willing to do the work to change, or that they should be overlooked. Just saying, look deeper, if you are willing and able, and you might be able to salvage the relationship.
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Mary
I've been trying to break up with my boyfriend, because of this many and more red flags related to extreme clinginess, loss of identity and lack of trust towards me. But he is unable to let me go, he stops replying just to avoid the conversation and makes up excuses everytime, he blames me for not appreciating him enough, but i'm just drained and sad with having his love.
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I've been trying to break up with my boyfriend, because of this many and more red flags related to extreme clinginess, loss of identity and lack of trust towards me. But he is unable to let me go, he stops replying just to avoid the conversation and makes up excuses everytime, he blames me for not appreciating him enough, but i'm just drained and sad with having his love.
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Shantalle
I was in a toxic relationship like this and didnt realize it until I left. It took so much for me to leave I was so attached and co-dependent hes an Amazing human but hes not very self aware therefore he would manipulate me without me knowing bc I never thought hed be capable of it he was my everything and I still miss him but I know Im better off with out him
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I was in a toxic relationship like this and didnt realize it until I left. It took so much for me to leave I was so attached and co-dependent hes an Amazing human but hes not very self aware therefore he would manipulate me without me knowing bc I never thought hed be capable of it he was my everything and I still miss him but I know Im better off with out him
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Daniel
A huge one for me was when she refused to respect reasonable boundaries. She had men that were texting her flirting, when I had asked for her to either just be friends with them or not talk with them since I didn't feel comfy with it. She refused to do either and it turned out ots because she was cheating on me for almost a year. Trust your gut no matter what
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A huge one for me was when she refused to respect reasonable boundaries. She had men that were texting her flirting, when I had asked for her to either just be friends with them or not talk with them since I didn't feel comfy with it. She refused to do either and it turned out ots because she was cheating on me for almost a year. Trust your gut no matter what
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Candy
I was the toxic partner more than once, and I've worked hard to be a better person and partner. That said, I got cheated on long ago, and I'm actually glad! It showed me that infidelity is absolutely not for me, that I never want to cheat, and I hold that value very strongly. Whether others do it isn't my business. For me, it's a line I don't intend to cross.
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I was the toxic partner more than once, and I've worked hard to be a better person and partner. That said, I got cheated on long ago, and I'm actually glad! It showed me that infidelity is absolutely not for me, that I never want to cheat, and I hold that value very strongly. Whether others do it isn't my business. For me, it's a line I don't intend to cross.
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akira
i shouldve left my first serious relationship the moment i discovered he was cheating on me. and i shouldve left my most recent ex when he looked through my phone while we were drunk. i wish i had been strong enough to realize that i dont need a partner to feel whole. and i shouldnt have made excuses for their shitty behavior just because i loved them.
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i shouldve left my first serious relationship the moment i discovered he was cheating on me. and i shouldve left my most recent ex when he looked through my phone while we were drunk. i wish i had been strong enough to realize that i dont need a partner to feel whole. and i shouldnt have made excuses for their shitty behavior just because i loved them.
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Mara
Toxic behavior #9: Your bf/gf always reminds you that you are the reason he is alive, and that he couldn't live without you, sometimes they end up not even realizing that they are being toxic, but that just ends up trapping you in the relationship, always thinking that if you let go of him something very bad would happen.
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Toxic behavior #9: Your bf/gf always reminds you that you are the reason he is alive, and that he couldn't live without you, sometimes they end up not even realizing that they are being toxic, but that just ends up trapping you in the relationship, always thinking that if you let go of him something very bad would happen.
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Kiyo
You are not responsible for other peoples trauma. No matter what. That doesnt mean you shouldnt encourage seeking therapeutic/reflective help or give comfort when needed but you cant fix them. Even a therapist cant fix them. Only they can. Understand that therapy is to help light a match in the dark, not lead the way.
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You are not responsible for other peoples trauma. No matter what. That doesnt mean you shouldnt encourage seeking therapeutic/reflective help or give comfort when needed but you cant fix them. Even a therapist cant fix them. Only they can. Understand that therapy is to help light a match in the dark, not lead the way.
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Montacap
That is so not true gaslighting is the worst things that can be done to a person. So not true. I talked to a woman today that was chocked out by her x. I know one that had her head shut in a door by the father of her kid that cracked her jaw. So no it's not. These are random people so it's not a one off issue.
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That is so not true gaslighting is the worst things that can be done to a person. So not true. I talked to a woman today that was chocked out by her x. I know one that had her head shut in a door by the father of her kid that cracked her jaw. So no it's not. These are random people so it's not a one off issue.
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Backyard
Today is our 10 year anniversary of dating.
And she won't see me or communicate and doesn't want anything to do with me,
So, I do not care anymore about trying when I'm rejected yet needed when it matters to them.
I will never again allow myself to put someone else before myself.
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Today is our 10 year anniversary of dating.
And she won't see me or communicate and doesn't want anything to do with me,
So, I do not care anymore about trying when I'm rejected yet needed when it matters to them.
I will never again allow myself to put someone else before myself.
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