Be Careful of The DARVO Manipulation Tactic
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 24
Jonathan
It all changed for me when the narcissist in my life was malignant, for that type, NOT having communication at all is the most effective. But especially not doing verbal. This person is renter, separate building, and most fortunately, no friends in common with me & he, that he could manipulate.
I thought he was a friend, but his foot in the door changed everything, the gaslighting began. As I learned more about narcissists, 18 month period. and empaths (me) I realized my autism spectrum and auditory learning disability was enabling me being a magnet for narcs. Boundaries are set verbally, I never could do that.
In retrospect, real friends, over a 45 year period, I can count on just one hand.
And they have all passed away. If you think they are, act on it, banish doubt, assert yourself. if you can, and if not go silent or get away. The narc is incapable of reform, their minds dont work like benign normal people
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It all changed for me when the narcissist in my life was malignant, for that type, NOT having communication at all is the most effective. But especially not doing verbal. This person is renter, separate building, and most fortunately, no friends in common with me & he, that he could manipulate.
I thought he was a friend, but his foot in the door changed everything, the gaslighting began. As I learned more about narcissists, 18 month period. and empaths (me) I realized my autism spectrum and auditory learning disability was enabling me being a magnet for narcs. Boundaries are set verbally, I never could do that.
In retrospect, real friends, over a 45 year period, I can count on just one hand.
And they have all passed away. If you think they are, act on it, banish doubt, assert yourself. if you can, and if not go silent or get away. The narc is incapable of reform, their minds dont work like benign normal people
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Christina_YJ
Thats exactly the friend who brought me down last year. Im happy Im not close to her, and she accidentally find out that I think that she is a narcissist but that was so many months ago. I feel so much better when Im not close to her anymore. I have high expectations for good friends but I try to avoid talk about anything that causes distress in conversation with my better friends. I dont know how people normalise it
Its crazy because Im PSL (peer support leader) and I have to help my classmates but this year Im more introverted than last year today, Im extremely happy that I was able to help a little but when people just look at me, I either panicked or get anxious because I have no idea what they think of me. This is why I prefer to be quiet
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Thats exactly the friend who brought me down last year. Im happy Im not close to her, and she accidentally find out that I think that she is a narcissist but that was so many months ago. I feel so much better when Im not close to her anymore. I have high expectations for good friends but I try to avoid talk about anything that causes distress in conversation with my better friends. I dont know how people normalise it
Its crazy because Im PSL (peer support leader) and I have to help my classmates but this year Im more introverted than last year today, Im extremely happy that I was able to help a little but when people just look at me, I either panicked or get anxious because I have no idea what they think of me. This is why I prefer to be quiet
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daisuke910
Oddly enough, i am confronting a friemd this weekend. I feel like I being ignored and lied to. He knows I overthink much and seems like taking advantage of his ignoring me cause me real suffering. I asked again and again if i did something to upset him, he just ignore. One time he complain that he is busy and has no free time to make plan with me. But suddenly, he knows that I am with another friend that he interested to get know of, he suddenly free. He even said that, he can come to the venue tonight, if he is welcomed, and can give me my stuff back. when he said If I am welcomed just made me really angry. He ignored my invitation to hangout saying he is busy with something else. Always the same excuse
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Oddly enough, i am confronting a friemd this weekend. I feel like I being ignored and lied to. He knows I overthink much and seems like taking advantage of his ignoring me cause me real suffering. I asked again and again if i did something to upset him, he just ignore. One time he complain that he is busy and has no free time to make plan with me. But suddenly, he knows that I am with another friend that he interested to get know of, he suddenly free. He even said that, he can come to the venue tonight, if he is welcomed, and can give me my stuff back. when he said If I am welcomed just made me really angry. He ignored my invitation to hangout saying he is busy with something else. Always the same excuse
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Rakanarshi2
This was used against me in a long friendship that slowly turned sour. Got asked if I was working the next day, said I will let you know. Ask the next day when I don't get work and get ignored until they give me a message saying they are just picking up their kid. After an hour get no response, since they live close I was wondering whats up. Send a message, get told to stop txting as they are busy. I asked why not just say that in the first place? Why tell me you are picking up your child in place of I have other plans. Get told I am using their child against them and that I am a manipulator. Left them after that.
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This was used against me in a long friendship that slowly turned sour. Got asked if I was working the next day, said I will let you know. Ask the next day when I don't get work and get ignored until they give me a message saying they are just picking up their kid. After an hour get no response, since they live close I was wondering whats up. Send a message, get told to stop txting as they are busy. I asked why not just say that in the first place? Why tell me you are picking up your child in place of I have other plans. Get told I am using their child against them and that I am a manipulator. Left them after that.
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Kytetiger
In the last two years, I've finally understood that my mother was manipulating the narrative, but she is doing it completely unconsciously.
Thanks to this video, I can put a word on this toxic relationship.
On the other hand, the proposed solutions are complicated to put in place. It's financially complicated at the moment, so I can't take my distances.
And education won't help. i'm not as clever as her, and I've already seen my mother argue and win against university professors using pure logic and brute reasoning. It was impressive and scary, and I don't want to be on the wrong side.
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In the last two years, I've finally understood that my mother was manipulating the narrative, but she is doing it completely unconsciously.
Thanks to this video, I can put a word on this toxic relationship.
On the other hand, the proposed solutions are complicated to put in place. It's financially complicated at the moment, so I can't take my distances.
And education won't help. i'm not as clever as her, and I've already seen my mother argue and win against university professors using pure logic and brute reasoning. It was impressive and scary, and I don't want to be on the wrong side.
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your
Is it possible to use DARVO on yourself by accident?
I didn't realize that my classmates were actually hurting me a lot until I talked about it with my mother and she said that they were bullying me. I didn't accuse them of bullying me at all during the time that I was in school even when I recognized that what they were saying really hurt me. I thought that it was all because I was really socially awkward or just because my life was very different from them because my dad was gone. I always told myself that I was being sensitive about it or that they didn't mean it or know what they were doing.
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Is it possible to use DARVO on yourself by accident?
I didn't realize that my classmates were actually hurting me a lot until I talked about it with my mother and she said that they were bullying me. I didn't accuse them of bullying me at all during the time that I was in school even when I recognized that what they were saying really hurt me. I thought that it was all because I was really socially awkward or just because my life was very different from them because my dad was gone. I always told myself that I was being sensitive about it or that they didn't mean it or know what they were doing.
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Elei
This thing is so damaging and subtle.
I can't wait to learn more about this and use it against those people who hurt me before, now or ever
Any damage I can cause to those people is good and I'm going to enjoy studying this and using it
I'm not saying is right to use it against anyone but torturing people whose only purpose in life is to make others suffer is their perfect karma.
I'm probably a horrible person, I may need help and maybe the person who replies I'm just saying this for attention is right but people getting angry because of this only makes it more fun
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This thing is so damaging and subtle.
I can't wait to learn more about this and use it against those people who hurt me before, now or ever
Any damage I can cause to those people is good and I'm going to enjoy studying this and using it
I'm not saying is right to use it against anyone but torturing people whose only purpose in life is to make others suffer is their perfect karma.
I'm probably a horrible person, I may need help and maybe the person who replies I'm just saying this for attention is right but people getting angry because of this only makes it more fun
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Gorgon
I have a close friend who does this, mostly towards me but I'm not entirely sure if she does it to anyone else. Worst part is, I don't think she even realizes she's doing it. I know she was emotionally abused growing up, so that might be part of it. It sucks because for a while, she was one of my best friends but I've had to distance myself from her because of it and I'm at a point where I'm too scared to open back up to her about anything. We're still friends though. Just hoping that she'll get the help that she clearly needs soon
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I have a close friend who does this, mostly towards me but I'm not entirely sure if she does it to anyone else. Worst part is, I don't think she even realizes she's doing it. I know she was emotionally abused growing up, so that might be part of it. It sucks because for a while, she was one of my best friends but I've had to distance myself from her because of it and I'm at a point where I'm too scared to open back up to her about anything. We're still friends though. Just hoping that she'll get the help that she clearly needs soon
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education
most ppl working paycheck to paycheck have had bosses who blame them for everything even tho everything done is exactly by their bosses command, then they are punished, condescended towards, threatened w cut hours or getting fired all the time all the while being told how much the boss breaks their back for them and how grateful they should be for the job otherwise they wouldnt be able to eat or pay the bills without relying on the boss who thinks their employees are completely replaceable and helpless. does that count?
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most ppl working paycheck to paycheck have had bosses who blame them for everything even tho everything done is exactly by their bosses command, then they are punished, condescended towards, threatened w cut hours or getting fired all the time all the while being told how much the boss breaks their back for them and how grateful they should be for the job otherwise they wouldnt be able to eat or pay the bills without relying on the boss who thinks their employees are completely replaceable and helpless. does that count?
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education
Something that really saved my bacon was recording my ex's argument with my phone. It was a forest-from-the-trees situation so when I stepped away, I listened to the argument again and was able to pick out some really disturbing stuff I didn't notice in the heat of the moment, along with a record of some of their manipulations.
I'm so damn grateful I had the wherewithal to record that conversation because it was instrumental in solidifying my decision to break up with my ex and I am so much happier today.
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Something that really saved my bacon was recording my ex's argument with my phone. It was a forest-from-the-trees situation so when I stepped away, I listened to the argument again and was able to pick out some really disturbing stuff I didn't notice in the heat of the moment, along with a record of some of their manipulations.
I'm so damn grateful I had the wherewithal to record that conversation because it was instrumental in solidifying my decision to break up with my ex and I am so much happier today.
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Artair
After escaping an abusive relationship with my assailant whos a covert narcissist, I dedicate myself to becoming more educated on narcissism because DARVO is a common tactic narcissists and abusers alike will utilise, and is what my assailant/abuser used against me. Ive been in therapy for 9 almost 10 months, nearly a year liberated from that toxic relationship, yet it still hurts so much every now and then. I dont know why this video is suddenly tugging at my heart strings but it is
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After escaping an abusive relationship with my assailant whos a covert narcissist, I dedicate myself to becoming more educated on narcissism because DARVO is a common tactic narcissists and abusers alike will utilise, and is what my assailant/abuser used against me. Ive been in therapy for 9 almost 10 months, nearly a year liberated from that toxic relationship, yet it still hurts so much every now and then. I dont know why this video is suddenly tugging at my heart strings but it is
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Koithedogfish
It mostly with my sister when she would yell at me for not doing what she wanted me to do. And would blame me for my needs, And when I would try to defend myself. She would just guilt trip me, and it will make me shutdown and go quiet the rest of the way. Only later when I will try to forget, My mom will remind me of the event. And I will start to cry, Only to get judge by her and my family. Then they act so surprised or upset when I snap or isolate from them.
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It mostly with my sister when she would yell at me for not doing what she wanted me to do. And would blame me for my needs, And when I would try to defend myself. She would just guilt trip me, and it will make me shutdown and go quiet the rest of the way. Only later when I will try to forget, My mom will remind me of the event. And I will start to cry, Only to get judge by her and my family. Then they act so surprised or upset when I snap or isolate from them.
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Vulcana
I see these signs in my friend, theyre probably being manipulated by another friend of theirs that has so many red flags. Its very obvious from outside perspective but when youve known someone for a long time. it flies over your head. Idk, my friend acted similarly to this when I told them about it, but I know it was picked up else where. God, wish people could see more red flags from here, thanks for this video!
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I see these signs in my friend, theyre probably being manipulated by another friend of theirs that has so many red flags. Its very obvious from outside perspective but when youve known someone for a long time. it flies over your head. Idk, my friend acted similarly to this when I told them about it, but I know it was picked up else where. God, wish people could see more red flags from here, thanks for this video!
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7bandomtrash
After watching this, I kind of realize that when I was younger people used to do this kind of thing to me and after watching the video about figuring out whether or not youre a manipulator, things have kinda tied together in my brain and helped me realize that because people used to do this to me, Ive become a manipulator myself and I feel really bad about it and I dont know how to stop aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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After watching this, I kind of realize that when I was younger people used to do this kind of thing to me and after watching the video about figuring out whether or not youre a manipulator, things have kinda tied together in my brain and helped me realize that because people used to do this to me, Ive become a manipulator myself and I feel really bad about it and I dont know how to stop aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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Carrie
Not realizing it while it's happening is very real. Your brain is momentarily paralyzed with confusion, weakest point for processing power. They're waiting for this moment to hijack your brain to flip the narrative. Only after there's a pattern, can you realize what's going on and recall those moments for what they really were. It's terrifying. Even more terrifying to get out when they know you know.
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Not realizing it while it's happening is very real. Your brain is momentarily paralyzed with confusion, weakest point for processing power. They're waiting for this moment to hijack your brain to flip the narrative. Only after there's a pattern, can you realize what's going on and recall those moments for what they really were. It's terrifying. Even more terrifying to get out when they know you know.
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Silvia
My first boyfriend did this to me. He hide our relationship for years and when I try to tell people we where dating he denied it, he portrait me as crazy in front of classmates, teachers, head teacher and even the therapist of our institution where we study. I was isolated and alone. When we where together at my home he acted as someone who wanted to be with me I was so confused.
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My first boyfriend did this to me. He hide our relationship for years and when I try to tell people we where dating he denied it, he portrait me as crazy in front of classmates, teachers, head teacher and even the therapist of our institution where we study. I was isolated and alone. When we where together at my home he acted as someone who wanted to be with me I was so confused.
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Axol
This happened to me sadly, we had been friends for over 2 years until i figured out only a few months ago that he had been stalking me, blaming everything on me and just downright accusing me of hurting my other friends (im 14, im glad to see that im not the only on going though this pain
Please contiune your work and bring this to more people, great video too
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This happened to me sadly, we had been friends for over 2 years until i figured out only a few months ago that he had been stalking me, blaming everything on me and just downright accusing me of hurting my other friends (im 14, im glad to see that im not the only on going though this pain
Please contiune your work and bring this to more people, great video too
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ChocoParfait
Blame is a powerful tool. You can literally make anyone feel guilty of anything. People who manipulate know very well how to use this tactic, and as a victim myself I can tell you that is really hard to spot this kind of manipulation, especially if you tend to feel bad for others, if you dont want fights, if you arent self confident. Its truly scary
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Blame is a powerful tool. You can literally make anyone feel guilty of anything. People who manipulate know very well how to use this tactic, and as a victim myself I can tell you that is really hard to spot this kind of manipulation, especially if you tend to feel bad for others, if you dont want fights, if you arent self confident. Its truly scary
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Absolhunter251
I have definitely been in DARVO. In my relationships, friendships and family. and it's hard to escape it.
My family uses it against me that it's for my own good to be treated this way.
So I have been in silence since. Even in my current age, I'm still a victim.
But my family uses it still on me.
I want to get out.
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I have definitely been in DARVO. In my relationships, friendships and family. and it's hard to escape it.
My family uses it against me that it's for my own good to be treated this way.
So I have been in silence since. Even in my current age, I'm still a victim.
But my family uses it still on me.
I want to get out.
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Yara
What if I'm the bad guy in this story? I have the feeling that I often act manipulatively in conflict situations. Sometimes it's only after an argument that I realize that I've unconsciously attacked a clear weakness in the other person, and I feel bad afterwards. Still, this happens to me quite often. What can i do?
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What if I'm the bad guy in this story? I have the feeling that I often act manipulatively in conflict situations. Sometimes it's only after an argument that I realize that I've unconsciously attacked a clear weakness in the other person, and I feel bad afterwards. Still, this happens to me quite often. What can i do?
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Matthew
the thing that scares me how do you recognize it's being done to you if you've done it yourself and didn't realize it, let alone if someone is doing it to you at the moment? If we don't realize or reflect on ourselves? How do we know maybe I'm overthinking or over analyzing it. I guess I don't fully understand.
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the thing that scares me how do you recognize it's being done to you if you've done it yourself and didn't realize it, let alone if someone is doing it to you at the moment? If we don't realize or reflect on ourselves? How do we know maybe I'm overthinking or over analyzing it. I guess I don't fully understand.
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Ann_
I need this mate. i used to have friends who used to manipulate me i left them. my life didn't get any better. i'm still trying to get good friends. but i'm too scared to trust anyone anyone anymore. i blame myself, now i have become such an introvert. idk if i'll ever be how i used to be.
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I need this mate. i used to have friends who used to manipulate me i left them. my life didn't get any better. i'm still trying to get good friends. but i'm too scared to trust anyone anyone anymore. i blame myself, now i have become such an introvert. idk if i'll ever be how i used to be.
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Lord
When DARVO is paired with gaslighting, the abuser(s) will rewrite history and try to brainwash you into thinking YOU are the abuser, the problem, the bad one, etc. It instills pathological guilt and keeps you confused. It's one of the most insidious forms of abuse there is.
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When DARVO is paired with gaslighting, the abuser(s) will rewrite history and try to brainwash you into thinking YOU are the abuser, the problem, the bad one, etc. It instills pathological guilt and keeps you confused. It's one of the most insidious forms of abuse there is.
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Koromone
Language is very powerful. Watching this video made me realize that every single time I have spoken up about an experience with emotional abuse, the perpetrator employed the DARVO technique. Wow. This video just made me spot a sick pattern that I am now going to break.
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Language is very powerful. Watching this video made me realize that every single time I have spoken up about an experience with emotional abuse, the perpetrator employed the DARVO technique. Wow. This video just made me spot a sick pattern that I am now going to break.
reply
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