The Psychology of Attraction in the Digital Age (Attraction & Media)
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
Artair
As an aromantic (someone who experiences little to no romantic attraction but can recognise when someone is considered conventionally attractive, my attraction has always been shaped by inspiration personal to me. Since I was 14 Ive always wanted to dye my hair, get tattoos and piercings, cosplay and really live the punk rock lifestyle so anyone who took on that appearance (or had that personality) was attractive to me; on a platonic level of course.
Now as an adult and social media influencer with dyed hair, tattoos and piercings, living the punk rock lifestyle and is a growing figure in the cosplay community, this hasnt changed much however I feel like members of my audience may be guilty of this when it comes to their attraction toward me. Ive experienced a handful of parasocial interactions that led up to situations where Ive had to PUBLICLY discourage certain behaviours because despite being open about using beauty filters and image enhancers to appear more aesthetically pleasing, this being done for the reasons this video addresses; to discern whats real and enforced societal perception of beauty, people would still behave inappropriately toward me.
Often times Ill post before and after images of my photo shoots followed by longwinded paragraphs explaining that not everything shown on media is real because most times, things are edited and we only share what we want known. While there arent many influencers or public figures that care about lessening the harmfulness of this concept, I try to create a safe space full of kindness, compassion and authenticity. I hope it doesnt sound shallow but I feel lucky to possess the ability to differentiate between what I genuinely like/am interested in and what could be influenced by others.
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As an aromantic (someone who experiences little to no romantic attraction but can recognise when someone is considered conventionally attractive, my attraction has always been shaped by inspiration personal to me. Since I was 14 Ive always wanted to dye my hair, get tattoos and piercings, cosplay and really live the punk rock lifestyle so anyone who took on that appearance (or had that personality) was attractive to me; on a platonic level of course.
Now as an adult and social media influencer with dyed hair, tattoos and piercings, living the punk rock lifestyle and is a growing figure in the cosplay community, this hasnt changed much however I feel like members of my audience may be guilty of this when it comes to their attraction toward me. Ive experienced a handful of parasocial interactions that led up to situations where Ive had to PUBLICLY discourage certain behaviours because despite being open about using beauty filters and image enhancers to appear more aesthetically pleasing, this being done for the reasons this video addresses; to discern whats real and enforced societal perception of beauty, people would still behave inappropriately toward me.
Often times Ill post before and after images of my photo shoots followed by longwinded paragraphs explaining that not everything shown on media is real because most times, things are edited and we only share what we want known. While there arent many influencers or public figures that care about lessening the harmfulness of this concept, I try to create a safe space full of kindness, compassion and authenticity. I hope it doesnt sound shallow but I feel lucky to possess the ability to differentiate between what I genuinely like/am interested in and what could be influenced by others.
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Melissa
It's amazing how all celebrities and they're body shamed Rihanna as well. mostly women not men celebrities knowing that women who are celebrities have babies, helloooooo they're more than celebrities. but I feel it's jealousy and for people to talk about celebrities because they're not in their shoes. I say do you feel good about yourself? Because if you do you don't feel much good about yourself now do you. the problem is mostly we give strangers on social media to much of a gratification of what they think. and people shouldn't. They're just strangers. they don't know nothing about your life. they can't even handle your own lives. that's why they bring that negativity to social media. and start hating. especially on celebrities. you don't know what these celebrities go through for you to judge them. and of course envy them. you don't know how hard these celebrities have it but you think tjeu have it easy and they don't. just sad. This is why I ride solo. people need to stop living in LALALAND and back into reality and seek help. because it's tearing people apart from reality
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It's amazing how all celebrities and they're body shamed Rihanna as well. mostly women not men celebrities knowing that women who are celebrities have babies, helloooooo they're more than celebrities. but I feel it's jealousy and for people to talk about celebrities because they're not in their shoes. I say do you feel good about yourself? Because if you do you don't feel much good about yourself now do you. the problem is mostly we give strangers on social media to much of a gratification of what they think. and people shouldn't. They're just strangers. they don't know nothing about your life. they can't even handle your own lives. that's why they bring that negativity to social media. and start hating. especially on celebrities. you don't know what these celebrities go through for you to judge them. and of course envy them. you don't know how hard these celebrities have it but you think tjeu have it easy and they don't. just sad. This is why I ride solo. people need to stop living in LALALAND and back into reality and seek help. because it's tearing people apart from reality
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Trollity
1: 33 most people who are not into working out almost every day really dont know that there are two types of abs, let me explain.
The two types of abs are usable abs and visible abs.
Visbile abs, obviously, are the type of abs you'd see on almost every person who had a career in some kind sport, is an actor/actress or he/she spend his/her life in the gym. But, yea they have a visbile 6 pack, but most of the time, they dont have endurance in their abs.
And usable abs are the kind of abs that would help you do even the things you thought where impossible (ex: bar tricks done by a gymnast).
All i can is, you can have one of them, or if your genetics are 1/1000, both.
So dont think that because you dont see your abs, you dont have abs. (From experience, i had this type of body dysphormia too, seeing that i dont have abs, but then i discoverd how much core strength i actually have)
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1: 33 most people who are not into working out almost every day really dont know that there are two types of abs, let me explain.
The two types of abs are usable abs and visible abs.
Visbile abs, obviously, are the type of abs you'd see on almost every person who had a career in some kind sport, is an actor/actress or he/she spend his/her life in the gym. But, yea they have a visbile 6 pack, but most of the time, they dont have endurance in their abs.
And usable abs are the kind of abs that would help you do even the things you thought where impossible (ex: bar tricks done by a gymnast).
All i can is, you can have one of them, or if your genetics are 1/1000, both.
So dont think that because you dont see your abs, you dont have abs. (From experience, i had this type of body dysphormia too, seeing that i dont have abs, but then i discoverd how much core strength i actually have)
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education
Embracing your natural appearance on social media is a wonderful step towards authenticity and self-acceptance. By sharing photos of your makeup-free, unfiltered face, you're promoting a positive message about embracing one's true self. It's important to recognize that various cameras and lighting conditions can indeed affect how we appear in photos, which doesn't define our real-life beauty. Your willingness to showcase the real you encourages others to feel comfortable in their own skin and challenges the unrealistic standards often perpetuated by filters and AI tools. Remember, everyone is unique and deserving of kindness, so refraining from commenting on others' appearances is a respectful way to promote positivity and acceptance in the online world.
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Embracing your natural appearance on social media is a wonderful step towards authenticity and self-acceptance. By sharing photos of your makeup-free, unfiltered face, you're promoting a positive message about embracing one's true self. It's important to recognize that various cameras and lighting conditions can indeed affect how we appear in photos, which doesn't define our real-life beauty. Your willingness to showcase the real you encourages others to feel comfortable in their own skin and challenges the unrealistic standards often perpetuated by filters and AI tools. Remember, everyone is unique and deserving of kindness, so refraining from commenting on others' appearances is a respectful way to promote positivity and acceptance in the online world.
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Nick
If popular media ever affected my beauty standards, it was as much as two generations ago: I was a child of the 80s, and even then, I disagreed with a few things. If anything ruins beauty for me now, it's that I don't agree with a lot of the changes, or even the solutions to those changes.
But I definitely understand, all too well, the pressure to achieve a kind of Buffness that may not relate to health. I stay pretty active, and you might be a little surprised at how much a skinny guy like me can lift at the gym (where I go twice a week. But neithe dead-lifting 200 pouns nor all the kettlebell tricks in the world has ever given ME a six-pack, either, and at 48, I find that my slight paunch is very hard to get rid of. And it bothers me, a lot.
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If popular media ever affected my beauty standards, it was as much as two generations ago: I was a child of the 80s, and even then, I disagreed with a few things. If anything ruins beauty for me now, it's that I don't agree with a lot of the changes, or even the solutions to those changes.
But I definitely understand, all too well, the pressure to achieve a kind of Buffness that may not relate to health. I stay pretty active, and you might be a little surprised at how much a skinny guy like me can lift at the gym (where I go twice a week. But neithe dead-lifting 200 pouns nor all the kettlebell tricks in the world has ever given ME a six-pack, either, and at 48, I find that my slight paunch is very hard to get rid of. And it bothers me, a lot.
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Hawk
For some reason, i can never gain weight no matter how hard i try, ive only been able to get around 2 lbs. Now dont get me wrong, i dont mind being slim, but im 139 lbs at 6'2, so most of my weight and muscles are in my legs and lower body, so i wouldnt mind a bit more weight, but i dont mind. Im glad to know that social media hasnt warped my view of beauty, as im with a bf who isnt the most beautiful to the average person, but is like the holy grail to me. Just remember people, a lot of influences online with certain body types are unrealistic, you never know who youll find who isnt just muscular or the angel to your eyes, sometimes the best person to find and be with is your Average Joe and Average Jane
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For some reason, i can never gain weight no matter how hard i try, ive only been able to get around 2 lbs. Now dont get me wrong, i dont mind being slim, but im 139 lbs at 6'2, so most of my weight and muscles are in my legs and lower body, so i wouldnt mind a bit more weight, but i dont mind. Im glad to know that social media hasnt warped my view of beauty, as im with a bf who isnt the most beautiful to the average person, but is like the holy grail to me. Just remember people, a lot of influences online with certain body types are unrealistic, you never know who youll find who isnt just muscular or the angel to your eyes, sometimes the best person to find and be with is your Average Joe and Average Jane
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Mansi
We want acceptance from others, So the way others see us became our standard. If you're not good at smth, just accept it, and ask for help from others. but do not think too much of how people would think of me. I stopped using social media not very long, and it might not have a great impact but i feel more at ease. Stop living upto other's standard and try to accept yourself. Live upto your standards. being on social media isn't a bad thing until you know what you're doing, it's okay to waste sm time but be aware of what you really need. Thankyou so much psych2go for such an amazing video, hope youll get aware of these things and feel at ease _
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We want acceptance from others, So the way others see us became our standard. If you're not good at smth, just accept it, and ask for help from others. but do not think too much of how people would think of me. I stopped using social media not very long, and it might not have a great impact but i feel more at ease. Stop living upto other's standard and try to accept yourself. Live upto your standards. being on social media isn't a bad thing until you know what you're doing, it's okay to waste sm time but be aware of what you really need. Thankyou so much psych2go for such an amazing video, hope youll get aware of these things and feel at ease _
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Joe
Ima be honest and say that you're blaming someone else for your problems. Remove the blame and look internally at your own values and adjust accordingly. Blaming others isn't going to solve anything. Always remember, everything that you don't like, that's your problem; ) Another thing to consider is that these companies cater to the mass collective. If you don't value what they are producing, file complaints with the federal trade commission or the company itself. Or be respectful and file complaints with your federal representatives and tell Congress to waste more tax dollars if that helps your bruised ego
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Ima be honest and say that you're blaming someone else for your problems. Remove the blame and look internally at your own values and adjust accordingly. Blaming others isn't going to solve anything. Always remember, everything that you don't like, that's your problem; ) Another thing to consider is that these companies cater to the mass collective. If you don't value what they are producing, file complaints with the federal trade commission or the company itself. Or be respectful and file complaints with your federal representatives and tell Congress to waste more tax dollars if that helps your bruised ego
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Eeri
I think a lot of people refuse to acknowledge that it's usually not the body shape that most people find unattractive in heavy people. Usually when people are fat-shaming, they're ridiculing the attributes that come with being fat. like laziness, poor hygiene, lack of self-awareness, lack of self control, having self-entitlement, being selfish or greedy, or gluttonous. Not saying everyone is like this, but most people will never find heavy people attractive unless they can prove they're none of these things, and that they're truly beautiful on the inside.
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I think a lot of people refuse to acknowledge that it's usually not the body shape that most people find unattractive in heavy people. Usually when people are fat-shaming, they're ridiculing the attributes that come with being fat. like laziness, poor hygiene, lack of self-awareness, lack of self control, having self-entitlement, being selfish or greedy, or gluttonous. Not saying everyone is like this, but most people will never find heavy people attractive unless they can prove they're none of these things, and that they're truly beautiful on the inside.
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PalJones
Well, first of only following people celebrating authenticity is a sure road to self-isolate, so let's settle for a mostly. I think the term of defining something as beauty, will always lead to something being ugly, no matter have low the standards become. Which is why I will rather look at looks as a wardrobe, with so much amazing cloths for every season in life, that you have something new to try constantly. The guy you thought look like a million bucks, turns out to be shallow and borderline narcissistic, well no surprise try something new.
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Well, first of only following people celebrating authenticity is a sure road to self-isolate, so let's settle for a mostly. I think the term of defining something as beauty, will always lead to something being ugly, no matter have low the standards become. Which is why I will rather look at looks as a wardrobe, with so much amazing cloths for every season in life, that you have something new to try constantly. The guy you thought look like a million bucks, turns out to be shallow and borderline narcissistic, well no surprise try something new.
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Alicia
I don't have perfect skin but i do want healthy skin. I am very young back and i was so aware about making sure my body is clean and healthy or i will have a bacteria that eat out my skin. I don't have a perfect skin like on social media but i do have fear of nasty bacteria on my skin. I was so obsessed with this since i was a teen back in 2009 and now I'm thankful to continue to be clean. I really don't care about body social media rat race because hey i have been picked on enough that my mind, just like gumball, just don't care.
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I don't have perfect skin but i do want healthy skin. I am very young back and i was so aware about making sure my body is clean and healthy or i will have a bacteria that eat out my skin. I don't have a perfect skin like on social media but i do have fear of nasty bacteria on my skin. I was so obsessed with this since i was a teen back in 2009 and now I'm thankful to continue to be clean. I really don't care about body social media rat race because hey i have been picked on enough that my mind, just like gumball, just don't care.
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ChocoParfait
Thank you for mentioning Christina! Shes always been criticized, she has always been skinny because thats her body type and tried to gain weight, but then it was too much, then she lost it. Then she gained it because of a very hard period in her life and the body shaming she received at the time was huge. She managed to lose weight some years later but gained it again with her second pregnancy. Sadly she couldnt lose it again, and preferred plastic surgery which Im totally against
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Thank you for mentioning Christina! Shes always been criticized, she has always been skinny because thats her body type and tried to gain weight, but then it was too much, then she lost it. Then she gained it because of a very hard period in her life and the body shaming she received at the time was huge. She managed to lose weight some years later but gained it again with her second pregnancy. Sadly she couldnt lose it again, and preferred plastic surgery which Im totally against
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nodwolf
In my community, I was a local title holder for guys who liked bigger guys, and I was, dare I say, popular in an. Adult kinda way. In 2019 and still to this day, I am constantly told, reminded and often time flat out blocked online for being excessively overweight. It got so bad in 2019 I deleted my hookup apps due to the amount of people who would tell me I should kill myself for having the audacity to flirt with them while being morbidly obese. I'm 5'7, and weighed under 200lbs.
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In my community, I was a local title holder for guys who liked bigger guys, and I was, dare I say, popular in an. Adult kinda way. In 2019 and still to this day, I am constantly told, reminded and often time flat out blocked online for being excessively overweight. It got so bad in 2019 I deleted my hookup apps due to the amount of people who would tell me I should kill myself for having the audacity to flirt with them while being morbidly obese. I'm 5'7, and weighed under 200lbs.
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Melissa
Yeah it's sad. but don't believe the hype. a higher percentage of people in this world is so hooked on social media. they other a follower because the person is beautiful got a BBL, FansOnly page, a Kardashian or Jay Z & Beyonce. smh. people will say well Jay Z got money so he don't care what you think and I say BUT YOU DO or because if you didn't you wouldn't give a damn what I think or say. people have lost their damn minds. that's all I have to say. that's why I ride solo.
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Yeah it's sad. but don't believe the hype. a higher percentage of people in this world is so hooked on social media. they other a follower because the person is beautiful got a BBL, FansOnly page, a Kardashian or Jay Z & Beyonce. smh. people will say well Jay Z got money so he don't care what you think and I say BUT YOU DO or because if you didn't you wouldn't give a damn what I think or say. people have lost their damn minds. that's all I have to say. that's why I ride solo.
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ZoomAqua
Ive always believed in natural beauty, and I still do. But something that has affected me over the past year or two has been seeing so many males being attracted to fictional female characters who are tall with big curves and personalities so opposite to mine (they are mature and flirty while Im shy and insecure. It makes me wonder if a female like me who is neither curvy, tall, nor has the mature/flirty personality can be truly loved in todays day and age.
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Ive always believed in natural beauty, and I still do. But something that has affected me over the past year or two has been seeing so many males being attracted to fictional female characters who are tall with big curves and personalities so opposite to mine (they are mature and flirty while Im shy and insecure. It makes me wonder if a female like me who is neither curvy, tall, nor has the mature/flirty personality can be truly loved in todays day and age.
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SHABOOLA
These beauty standards society has created really are unrealistic and unhealthy. The idea of diverse beauty just sounds so much better to me! I never really cared about trying to look pretty because i personally think those beauty standards like unrealistically giant lips and that stuff are just gross. What i mean is, if you really stop and try to question why people decided to like these beauty standards, there isnt a very clear or smart answer for it.
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These beauty standards society has created really are unrealistic and unhealthy. The idea of diverse beauty just sounds so much better to me! I never really cared about trying to look pretty because i personally think those beauty standards like unrealistically giant lips and that stuff are just gross. What i mean is, if you really stop and try to question why people decided to like these beauty standards, there isnt a very clear or smart answer for it.
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Libra
I myself as a lone wolf, I stay away from the drama and the bs. You don't play the game, then you'll be okay. Focus on your goals, ambition, career. Work on yourself body and soul. Never be afraid of being alone because loneliness will make you stronger.
It may not apply to some, but believe me my teenage self would've listen to myself telling myself to be genuine and authentic. And never worry what society expects of doing as a sheep
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I myself as a lone wolf, I stay away from the drama and the bs. You don't play the game, then you'll be okay. Focus on your goals, ambition, career. Work on yourself body and soul. Never be afraid of being alone because loneliness will make you stronger.
It may not apply to some, but believe me my teenage self would've listen to myself telling myself to be genuine and authentic. And never worry what society expects of doing as a sheep
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Killua_Zoldyck
Its mainly people irl its like I was raised to self criticize even if someone says the most positive thing about me I cringe so much it makes me wanna cry. Its like me telling you you didnt deserve to go through that but all youre doing is giving me positive feedback that I cant take because I was never told those things the only thing social media encouraged me to do was wear makeup but I stopped that long before I even started
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Its mainly people irl its like I was raised to self criticize even if someone says the most positive thing about me I cringe so much it makes me wanna cry. Its like me telling you you didnt deserve to go through that but all youre doing is giving me positive feedback that I cant take because I was never told those things the only thing social media encouraged me to do was wear makeup but I stopped that long before I even started
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Portrait
In 1970 there was a musical duo called The Carpenters, Richard and Karen. Soon after they had their first hit record, a tabloid magazine made a comment about Richard and his chubby sister. Karen had an attractive face and was at her ideal weight. Being only 20 and rather sensitive she started thinking she was fat and developed anorexia. She passed on at 32 because her heart had been damaged by years of starving herself
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In 1970 there was a musical duo called The Carpenters, Richard and Karen. Soon after they had their first hit record, a tabloid magazine made a comment about Richard and his chubby sister. Karen had an attractive face and was at her ideal weight. Being only 20 and rather sensitive she started thinking she was fat and developed anorexia. She passed on at 32 because her heart had been damaged by years of starving herself
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andrei
Its funny, because (at least on the male from) I say plus sized men more attractive. When it came to the ladies I might be lucky because I cared more about their stylistic choices than their body. And I always and still find people with acne that reddens their faces cute.
I dont know if this is a sign of falling into an another extreme or not, but I kinda always had at least some unconventional beauty standards.
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Its funny, because (at least on the male from) I say plus sized men more attractive. When it came to the ladies I might be lucky because I cared more about their stylistic choices than their body. And I always and still find people with acne that reddens their faces cute.
I dont know if this is a sign of falling into an another extreme or not, but I kinda always had at least some unconventional beauty standards.
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Deco_ghost_53
As a teenager, I used to think that I was unreasonably fat when I was actually skinny. to the point where I starved myself. I did this for two reasons 1) I was unhappy with my body and how it looks and 2) I envied Angelina Jolie and I wanted to look like her because she had the perfect figure. But that's in the past and I'm over it now. Just goes to show how truly Damaging social media is.
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As a teenager, I used to think that I was unreasonably fat when I was actually skinny. to the point where I starved myself. I did this for two reasons 1) I was unhappy with my body and how it looks and 2) I envied Angelina Jolie and I wanted to look like her because she had the perfect figure. But that's in the past and I'm over it now. Just goes to show how truly Damaging social media is.
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Codex
If you LOOK at someone & think youd like to do something seggsual to or with them, theres something VERY wrong with you.
People are so much more than looks & looks ARE deceiving! My mother was GORGEOUS, but she was a LITERAL pedo monster. Nobody ever believed us kids when we talked about it because shes too pretty to be like that.
MOST humans are idiots who shouldnt exist
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If you LOOK at someone & think youd like to do something seggsual to or with them, theres something VERY wrong with you.
People are so much more than looks & looks ARE deceiving! My mother was GORGEOUS, but she was a LITERAL pedo monster. Nobody ever believed us kids when we talked about it because shes too pretty to be like that.
MOST humans are idiots who shouldnt exist
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The
The media reaches parents and children, leading to not just cases of children with eating disorders, but adults and parents forcing their kids into dieting when they're already in good health because they see them as too fat sometimes from their expectations, and it really doesn't help that
most people think fit=healthy despite the fact that you can be one without the other.
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The media reaches parents and children, leading to not just cases of children with eating disorders, but adults and parents forcing their kids into dieting when they're already in good health because they see them as too fat sometimes from their expectations, and it really doesn't help that
most people think fit=healthy despite the fact that you can be one without the other.
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education
Interested. Maybe because Im old, or just different, but physical looks have rarely made someone attractive to me. One of the reasons Jane Austen novels are still popular even today is because the heroine in a lot of her stories arent the prettiest, but they get the man because of their inner beauty. Yet, they arent considered romance novels, just novels.
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Interested. Maybe because Im old, or just different, but physical looks have rarely made someone attractive to me. One of the reasons Jane Austen novels are still popular even today is because the heroine in a lot of her stories arent the prettiest, but they get the man because of their inner beauty. Yet, they arent considered romance novels, just novels.
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Bastion
I don't even know where I got it, but I almost don't notice physically attractive traits
My crush is physically attractive, but what keeps me watching her streams isn't anything physical. I sometimes have to remind my brain that she has those traits
Not that I ignore them, but they're just not important to calling her, and others, attractive
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I don't even know where I got it, but I almost don't notice physically attractive traits
My crush is physically attractive, but what keeps me watching her streams isn't anything physical. I sometimes have to remind my brain that she has those traits
Not that I ignore them, but they're just not important to calling her, and others, attractive
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