7 STAGES of Trauma Bond, NOT LOVE
video description
Date: 2024-05-04
Related videos
Comments and reviews: 20
psych2go
i didn't knew, i was being the toxic one. Now i can see why she stopped talking to me, i thought things were perfect but she just sudenly dissapeared, so this is how she saw me, man i never wanted to harm her at all, because she was the only friend that i had, but my toxic behaviour and my insecurities made her leave. I tried to be more open and talk to her about these things, and that i wanted to change them because i hated how much harm they were causing to me and other around me. Maybe i opened myself too much, thinking she would understand, but in reality made her leave even more. now i only have my cat by my side, it feels strange, even tho i had a shitty life i always at least had someone, a best friend that had my back and was there to help me. But now i have nothing but myself, it really does feel strange, not having friends, at least the last months of therapy made me learn a lot of things and slowly im learning to truly love myself and be someone worthy of being loved. im trying, i really am, im sorry if my insecurities and the bad things about me made her loose all the love and care she had, but i really want to change them. i vented a little too much, its been a couple of months since i talked to someone about this, not having friends it is really a strange experience
reply
i didn't knew, i was being the toxic one. Now i can see why she stopped talking to me, i thought things were perfect but she just sudenly dissapeared, so this is how she saw me, man i never wanted to harm her at all, because she was the only friend that i had, but my toxic behaviour and my insecurities made her leave. I tried to be more open and talk to her about these things, and that i wanted to change them because i hated how much harm they were causing to me and other around me. Maybe i opened myself too much, thinking she would understand, but in reality made her leave even more. now i only have my cat by my side, it feels strange, even tho i had a shitty life i always at least had someone, a best friend that had my back and was there to help me. But now i have nothing but myself, it really does feel strange, not having friends, at least the last months of therapy made me learn a lot of things and slowly im learning to truly love myself and be someone worthy of being loved. im trying, i really am, im sorry if my insecurities and the bad things about me made her loose all the love and care she had, but i really want to change them. i vented a little too much, its been a couple of months since i talked to someone about this, not having friends it is really a strange experience
reply
marian_hayes
This isn’t limited to romantic relationships. It can be a thing in any kind of relationship.
For example, I was in special ed for Autism for all of K12 school and I had a trauma bond with my SE teacher in high school. I felt like I couldn’t do ANYTHING to get out of that relationship cuz her class was imposed on me and the school wouldn’t let me transfer out of it, no matter how much I begged and pleaded for it or how good of a reason I had to be out of it. I didn’t know I was in a trauma bond with her til I watched this video, and of course I saw all these stages when she was putting me through it. She’d yell at me over petty things and then say she’d try to be better, but would just snap back into the manipulator that she always was. Thankfully, I’ve graduated high school now and I’ve cut off all contact with this woman and I’ve had a few years to rediscover who I am as a person without her in my life. It’s not easy to heal from trauma bonds like this, but it’s possible!
reply
This isn’t limited to romantic relationships. It can be a thing in any kind of relationship.
For example, I was in special ed for Autism for all of K12 school and I had a trauma bond with my SE teacher in high school. I felt like I couldn’t do ANYTHING to get out of that relationship cuz her class was imposed on me and the school wouldn’t let me transfer out of it, no matter how much I begged and pleaded for it or how good of a reason I had to be out of it. I didn’t know I was in a trauma bond with her til I watched this video, and of course I saw all these stages when she was putting me through it. She’d yell at me over petty things and then say she’d try to be better, but would just snap back into the manipulator that she always was. Thankfully, I’ve graduated high school now and I’ve cut off all contact with this woman and I’ve had a few years to rediscover who I am as a person without her in my life. It’s not easy to heal from trauma bonds like this, but it’s possible!
reply
omid2556
I experienced this with a girl for 8 months, it was always hot and cold, all of a sudden she has a bf and I find out she is going from guy to guy seeking attention/support and starts love boming (I wasn't alone, I'm sure it was around 7-10 guys at the same time, one day she says she wants to spend time with me and explore many thing, the next day she becomes cold and almost like everything was fake and nothing happend (it probably was) It's scary how narcistic she was. I have been to good to her and got taken adventage of, a month ago we got in to an argument about the most absurt thing ever, I did nothing wrong and she started making up scenario's and blocked me on all contact platforms before I could say something back, I know its actually a good thing it happend like this, now I'm in the healing proces and can slowly realize she could have been the worse thing ever, I stopped making excuses for her behavior and decided to go back to my own roots.
reply
I experienced this with a girl for 8 months, it was always hot and cold, all of a sudden she has a bf and I find out she is going from guy to guy seeking attention/support and starts love boming (I wasn't alone, I'm sure it was around 7-10 guys at the same time, one day she says she wants to spend time with me and explore many thing, the next day she becomes cold and almost like everything was fake and nothing happend (it probably was) It's scary how narcistic she was. I have been to good to her and got taken adventage of, a month ago we got in to an argument about the most absurt thing ever, I did nothing wrong and she started making up scenario's and blocked me on all contact platforms before I could say something back, I know its actually a good thing it happend like this, now I'm in the healing proces and can slowly realize she could have been the worse thing ever, I stopped making excuses for her behavior and decided to go back to my own roots.
reply
rafasobol4997
I were in toxic/ Trauma relationship. Not only she were 9 years older than me but also everything has to be her way. I should also mention that her relation with her father wasn't good too.
Before getting into it I know it's not gonna work.
You may ask why did you get into it anyway knowing that.
The answer is I don't know many cuz I was not in relationship before. I was 25-26 at that moment. I can honestly say that it was the worst thing I did in my life so far.
The problem is now that it's really hard to quite now, we're not together for around 5 years now but I still visit in her house.
In some way I don't know if I'm even material for someone to a relationship. Nowadays you need secound person to rent anything. Perhaps cuz I was not in any relationship for my entire life.
You wont tell me that good flirting way is sup I need someone extra to rent anything XD
reply
I were in toxic/ Trauma relationship. Not only she were 9 years older than me but also everything has to be her way. I should also mention that her relation with her father wasn't good too.
Before getting into it I know it's not gonna work.
You may ask why did you get into it anyway knowing that.
The answer is I don't know many cuz I was not in relationship before. I was 25-26 at that moment. I can honestly say that it was the worst thing I did in my life so far.
The problem is now that it's really hard to quite now, we're not together for around 5 years now but I still visit in her house.
In some way I don't know if I'm even material for someone to a relationship. Nowadays you need secound person to rent anything. Perhaps cuz I was not in any relationship for my entire life.
You wont tell me that good flirting way is sup I need someone extra to rent anything XD
reply
slackerofhell
I was in a situationship for 8 months that ended nearly 2 months ago now. She refused to date me because i didn't have my life together, which is fair. However, she constantly bombarded me with I love you's and You're my everything's throughout the entire time we were together. Two months ago, she met a guy and they started hanging out. She trauma bonded with him and in the course of a week they started dating. I was blindsided. We weren't official but it still feels like I was cheated on.
She'd get drunk and berate me in the evening and apologize to me in the morning. She could be so mean and aggressive. Yet, for some messed up reason, i still care for her deeply. I miss her, even though she was terrible to me 75% of the time. I'm still trying to get it together after it all happened, but it's really, really hard. I'm so lost inside
reply
I was in a situationship for 8 months that ended nearly 2 months ago now. She refused to date me because i didn't have my life together, which is fair. However, she constantly bombarded me with I love you's and You're my everything's throughout the entire time we were together. Two months ago, she met a guy and they started hanging out. She trauma bonded with him and in the course of a week they started dating. I was blindsided. We weren't official but it still feels like I was cheated on.
She'd get drunk and berate me in the evening and apologize to me in the morning. She could be so mean and aggressive. Yet, for some messed up reason, i still care for her deeply. I miss her, even though she was terrible to me 75% of the time. I'm still trying to get it together after it all happened, but it's really, really hard. I'm so lost inside
reply
Pearlescent11
It's been 2 years and a half since I met my first love and it has been messy to say the least. At first, everything was good but I was a major wreck, I had an intense need to be around them, constantly took up their time and encouraged them to be the same. Over time, I abandoned that neediness because I realised that having personal time outside of your relationship is what makes the time together really count. It was too late by the time I realised it and the sweet, loving and understanding man I had loved had turned cold and bitter. Though he never outright said it, he stopped loving me a long time ago and it's been hard to realise that no matter how I've changed now and improved myself for him, I can't win back the affection of someone I drained the love out of
reply
It's been 2 years and a half since I met my first love and it has been messy to say the least. At first, everything was good but I was a major wreck, I had an intense need to be around them, constantly took up their time and encouraged them to be the same. Over time, I abandoned that neediness because I realised that having personal time outside of your relationship is what makes the time together really count. It was too late by the time I realised it and the sweet, loving and understanding man I had loved had turned cold and bitter. Though he never outright said it, he stopped loving me a long time ago and it's been hard to realise that no matter how I've changed now and improved myself for him, I can't win back the affection of someone I drained the love out of
reply
Morastbiene
Thank you for talking about this. I'm glad that more and more people are learning about the patterns of narcissistic relationships. It's one hell of a thing to experience this kind of abuse. Mine lasted six years (on and off) and it's been three years since my abuser and I last talked. The aftermath of it all felt even worse to me than the abuse, but over time I've come to understand that it's normal to feel as if the world comes crushing down on you once it's finally over. If you're going through this, rest assured that it's part of the process and that it'll pass, but you have to give yourself permission to let go of them. It's your cue to focus on yourself and stop pouring your everything into people who will let you down for all eternity.
reply
Thank you for talking about this. I'm glad that more and more people are learning about the patterns of narcissistic relationships. It's one hell of a thing to experience this kind of abuse. Mine lasted six years (on and off) and it's been three years since my abuser and I last talked. The aftermath of it all felt even worse to me than the abuse, but over time I've come to understand that it's normal to feel as if the world comes crushing down on you once it's finally over. If you're going through this, rest assured that it's part of the process and that it'll pass, but you have to give yourself permission to let go of them. It's your cue to focus on yourself and stop pouring your everything into people who will let you down for all eternity.
reply
eklavayachopra8886
Never have I ever I related to any video in my whole 25 years of life.
Currently I'm back to being single. The video showed each and every stage i have been through in last one year.
Promises of marriage and children, dying in each others arms. Oof what not. I asked god for that girl but the devil listened and I payed the price.
Currently trying to love myself, heal from the past and those fake promises. Already one year but not such improvement. Hopefully I'll get back my old self so that when true love will knock my door I'll welcome it with open hands.
reply
Never have I ever I related to any video in my whole 25 years of life.
Currently I'm back to being single. The video showed each and every stage i have been through in last one year.
Promises of marriage and children, dying in each others arms. Oof what not. I asked god for that girl but the devil listened and I payed the price.
Currently trying to love myself, heal from the past and those fake promises. Already one year but not such improvement. Hopefully I'll get back my old self so that when true love will knock my door I'll welcome it with open hands.
reply
happycreature3993
the timeline is insane. oh God. i just broke up 3 months ago because he said he didn't love me, but he didn't want to take action (stay or leave) so i was the one who left first. it was hard, i was going through withdrawal and begged for him to get back to me several times, but he never got back. he even asked me to FORGET him. after a month, i finally able to accept the fact that he would never come back to me, so i started to move on and then. BOOM! he texted me 2 days ago. he texted me when he was the one who ask me to forget everything. i cut him off immediately.
reply
the timeline is insane. oh God. i just broke up 3 months ago because he said he didn't love me, but he didn't want to take action (stay or leave) so i was the one who left first. it was hard, i was going through withdrawal and begged for him to get back to me several times, but he never got back. he even asked me to FORGET him. after a month, i finally able to accept the fact that he would never come back to me, so i started to move on and then. BOOM! he texted me 2 days ago. he texted me when he was the one who ask me to forget everything. i cut him off immediately.
reply
psych2go
I have crossed break free stage but still i reverted back to that attachment again. Its feels like i am addicted to the care which the person is giving when i am so badly in need of care. I want to be emotionally independent but i dont know how can i be one bcoz even though i try to not go back to that person when i have some sickness or when i feel so low my mind just urges me to go back even though i know its not genuine and the care is just a trap to gain control. Can someone plss help me out to become self reliant and not expect care form others
reply
I have crossed break free stage but still i reverted back to that attachment again. Its feels like i am addicted to the care which the person is giving when i am so badly in need of care. I want to be emotionally independent but i dont know how can i be one bcoz even though i try to not go back to that person when i have some sickness or when i feel so low my mind just urges me to go back even though i know its not genuine and the care is just a trap to gain control. Can someone plss help me out to become self reliant and not expect care form others
reply
psych2go
This can happen in friendships too The first 2 or 3 signs is what sort of happens in none romantic relationships. Yeah, some friends are just toxic and make you feel like you gonna be alone without them.
I believe in second chances but many times that is what the manipulator does, they want more chances to hurt you. That's what happened to me. But now I'm finally free after watching the 5 things manipulators do. I was in a depressed sort of state for so long and finally broke free. Not all people you meet are good friends, they use you
reply
This can happen in friendships too The first 2 or 3 signs is what sort of happens in none romantic relationships. Yeah, some friends are just toxic and make you feel like you gonna be alone without them.
I believe in second chances but many times that is what the manipulator does, they want more chances to hurt you. That's what happened to me. But now I'm finally free after watching the 5 things manipulators do. I was in a depressed sort of state for so long and finally broke free. Not all people you meet are good friends, they use you
reply
edgeofsanity9111
A friend of mine is dealing with this with an ex that keeps on coming back
Narcissistic traits are present, but I suspect dark empathy
This guy keeps on coming back and always knows how to reel her back in and it's obviously harming her
Him being absent helps, but he never stays gone for long
What can I do to help her get away from the situation and help her heal into a stronger version of herself that won't fall for his bs and can put him in his place or deal with him in another way
reply
A friend of mine is dealing with this with an ex that keeps on coming back
Narcissistic traits are present, but I suspect dark empathy
This guy keeps on coming back and always knows how to reel her back in and it's obviously harming her
Him being absent helps, but he never stays gone for long
What can I do to help her get away from the situation and help her heal into a stronger version of herself that won't fall for his bs and can put him in his place or deal with him in another way
reply
psych2go
It's beneficial to view love as a marathon, not a sprint.
When we adopt a mindset focused on building a strong foundation of communication for long-term relationships, we are less inclined to rely on shortcuts. Sometimes, individuals begin relationships with fireworks, expecting an abundance of dopamine with each interaction, only to find that over time, their love dwindles.
I seek relationships where we gradually learn more about each other every day, deepening our love with each passing day.
reply
It's beneficial to view love as a marathon, not a sprint.
When we adopt a mindset focused on building a strong foundation of communication for long-term relationships, we are less inclined to rely on shortcuts. Sometimes, individuals begin relationships with fireworks, expecting an abundance of dopamine with each interaction, only to find that over time, their love dwindles.
I seek relationships where we gradually learn more about each other every day, deepening our love with each passing day.
reply
PrangyaprabhaNayak
This vdo is true. I was in a ldr online relationship he never reached for me and not even did bare minimum. I was so naive back then. I thought it was love but it was actually trauma bonding, love bumbing n emotional rollercoaster ride. wasted almost 6 yrs of my life. On and off relationship. Breaking up n back together. Finally i had the courage to leave the relationship n healed n loved myself. Now in a happy place in life where the past memories also could not haunt me
reply
This vdo is true. I was in a ldr online relationship he never reached for me and not even did bare minimum. I was so naive back then. I thought it was love but it was actually trauma bonding, love bumbing n emotional rollercoaster ride. wasted almost 6 yrs of my life. On and off relationship. Breaking up n back together. Finally i had the courage to leave the relationship n healed n loved myself. Now in a happy place in life where the past memories also could not haunt me
reply
emag4683
For me, it was a friendship instead of a partner. It lasted for years, and I thought I was nothing without that friend, with everything I did depending on whether or not she'd like me more for it. Looking back at all our good times, it's sad to remember that I was walking on eggshells and had to read her expression whenever I said something remotely different. We don't really talk anymore, and my other friends have shown me what true love really looks like
reply
For me, it was a friendship instead of a partner. It lasted for years, and I thought I was nothing without that friend, with everything I did depending on whether or not she'd like me more for it. Looking back at all our good times, it's sad to remember that I was walking on eggshells and had to read her expression whenever I said something remotely different. We don't really talk anymore, and my other friends have shown me what true love really looks like
reply
pengvang1055
I was in a situationship where I would get the I love you and I miss you texts and I thought about going back to her and maybe there could have been something different. But then, I remembered the reasons why I left, she drained me, she was toxic but also kind in both ways to others and to me, but more importantly, she has a boyfriend too. And so now, I'm just done. We all deserve better. We got this!
reply
I was in a situationship where I would get the I love you and I miss you texts and I thought about going back to her and maybe there could have been something different. But then, I remembered the reasons why I left, she drained me, she was toxic but also kind in both ways to others and to me, but more importantly, she has a boyfriend too. And so now, I'm just done. We all deserve better. We got this!
reply
gracewing6480
My best friend of two years has been showing a lot of these behaviors. I want to remain best friends with her, but I don’t know if it’s healthy. When she becomes nicer again for a couple days, she claims that she’s not doing all this intentionally. She says the last thing she wants is to hurt me, and I believe her. But should I I just don’t know how to take it.
reply
My best friend of two years has been showing a lot of these behaviors. I want to remain best friends with her, but I don’t know if it’s healthy. When she becomes nicer again for a couple days, she claims that she’s not doing all this intentionally. She says the last thing she wants is to hurt me, and I believe her. But should I I just don’t know how to take it.
reply
keip4568
So many standards/psychological things in the way of love.
Sometimes I again wonder is love real
Is it possible for someone to love when in a world where love is rare.
Many don't want a relationship due to less drama and stress.
I've gotten this many times from so-call single but happy and all for fun and lusty desires. Or those in. open relationships.
reply
So many standards/psychological things in the way of love.
Sometimes I again wonder is love real
Is it possible for someone to love when in a world where love is rare.
Many don't want a relationship due to less drama and stress.
I've gotten this many times from so-call single but happy and all for fun and lusty desires. Or those in. open relationships.
reply
jaydub4661
Idk if the relationship I just left was trauma bonding or if he was an alcoholic or a mix but I experienced many things depicted in this video. It hurts to think those I love yours were fake but I know what he did and how I felt wasn't fake. Still sorting through everything but at least there is no contact so I can gain perspective. Love and Serenity to you all.
reply
Idk if the relationship I just left was trauma bonding or if he was an alcoholic or a mix but I experienced many things depicted in this video. It hurts to think those I love yours were fake but I know what he did and how I felt wasn't fake. Still sorting through everything but at least there is no contact so I can gain perspective. Love and Serenity to you all.
reply
SylistheButcherr
I recently started falling for somone but I realized that he had too many problems going on in his life and I have too many problems so it wouldn’t work out, I don’t want to bond based off trauma I wanna bond healthy so that we can be happy and have fun, also I do want children and I don’t want them having 2 sad, hurt parents.
reply
I recently started falling for somone but I realized that he had too many problems going on in his life and I have too many problems so it wouldn’t work out, I don’t want to bond based off trauma I wanna bond healthy so that we can be happy and have fun, also I do want children and I don’t want them having 2 sad, hurt parents.
reply
Add a review, comment
Other channel videos
