How to Support a Friend With Mental Illness
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Date: 2024-09-13
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Comments and reviews: 20
bsctsngrvy9089
I want to express my disdain for the assertion that you can only help someone through things if you yourself are mentally healthy. I think this concept only serves to limit those who go through things. While it is true that it would be more likely that a person who is going through things would have an unhealthy response to certain situations, it's also true that theres a large amount of discipline involved in the learning and healing process. Like in positive self-reinforcement practices, the goal is to push yourself to be more aware of your inner monologue and push yourself to be more positive or constructive to yourself. This can carry over into the way you interact with others and can lead to development in a person's communication skills.
Part of learning how to talk to yourself translates over into how you should talk to others and by urging people to try and help another, they get a chance to look at the signs from a different perspective as well as a chance to test their mental discipline and the things they've been working on. One person gets support while the other gets to take their next step, It's a win win!
I'm sorry if it sounds specific or preachy and I understand that it doesn't count for all scenarios or trauma types, but In my opinion, one of the more important parts of helping a person with mental illness is the empowerment! Reminding them that they're strong, and useful and worthwhile is such an important part of the process and I find that telling them they can't be helpful if they're hurting is contradictory to the concept.
I'll admit, this comes from my personal experience as well. I go through some dark frames of mind, I am depressed and anxious and have thoughts of ending it, however, the major thing that keeps me rooted to this world is the help I can provide to others. My will to live is bolstered by my abillity to assist in the mental healing and growth of the many people who battle the darkness! My demons, slowly being brought down by helping fight another's demons. It's almost poetic but, so long as I am able to help people towards growth, I have unfinished business in this world, and I think, if I would've given in to the assertion that my broken self couldn't be helpful unless I was healthy, I would likely not be alive to this day.
TL: DR
I don't like the phrase you can only help someone with mental health, if you, yourself are healthy first. A mentally ill person helping another, despite their own illness shouldn't be discouraged. it's often very constructive and helpful for them both!
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I want to express my disdain for the assertion that you can only help someone through things if you yourself are mentally healthy. I think this concept only serves to limit those who go through things. While it is true that it would be more likely that a person who is going through things would have an unhealthy response to certain situations, it's also true that theres a large amount of discipline involved in the learning and healing process. Like in positive self-reinforcement practices, the goal is to push yourself to be more aware of your inner monologue and push yourself to be more positive or constructive to yourself. This can carry over into the way you interact with others and can lead to development in a person's communication skills.
Part of learning how to talk to yourself translates over into how you should talk to others and by urging people to try and help another, they get a chance to look at the signs from a different perspective as well as a chance to test their mental discipline and the things they've been working on. One person gets support while the other gets to take their next step, It's a win win!
I'm sorry if it sounds specific or preachy and I understand that it doesn't count for all scenarios or trauma types, but In my opinion, one of the more important parts of helping a person with mental illness is the empowerment! Reminding them that they're strong, and useful and worthwhile is such an important part of the process and I find that telling them they can't be helpful if they're hurting is contradictory to the concept.
I'll admit, this comes from my personal experience as well. I go through some dark frames of mind, I am depressed and anxious and have thoughts of ending it, however, the major thing that keeps me rooted to this world is the help I can provide to others. My will to live is bolstered by my abillity to assist in the mental healing and growth of the many people who battle the darkness! My demons, slowly being brought down by helping fight another's demons. It's almost poetic but, so long as I am able to help people towards growth, I have unfinished business in this world, and I think, if I would've given in to the assertion that my broken self couldn't be helpful unless I was healthy, I would likely not be alive to this day.
TL: DR
I don't like the phrase you can only help someone with mental health, if you, yourself are healthy first. A mentally ill person helping another, despite their own illness shouldn't be discouraged. it's often very constructive and helpful for them both!
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TheBestInsects
I had an awesome best friend almost two years ago. We knew each other in school, but after they had to move away, we talked and played games online a lot. I'm telling you, they were the bestest friend I've ever had and I love them so much. However, gradually over time, they mentioned how much harder life was getting and they were getting really depressed. Since we talked online, there wasn't much I could do more than listen to them. We both enjoyed each other's company and we were pretty much unstoppable! I helped them the best I could when they were sad, but slowly over the span of four years, the depression made them really irritable and it was harder to talk to them. They would get mad at me over things that they had not cared about before, and they didn't even respect my boundaries sometimes, but we always came to an understanding and forgave each other. Unfortunately, their depression got so bad that they told me they were having suicidal thoughts. I hated seeing them in so much pain and I get sad every time I think about it. It's an extremely long story to tell everything that happened, but in the end, I believe we both made many mistakes and we were growing apart, so we had to cut ties. Seeing this video now makes me think so much of them and I wish I knew of a better way to help them at the time. I hope they're doing OK now.
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I had an awesome best friend almost two years ago. We knew each other in school, but after they had to move away, we talked and played games online a lot. I'm telling you, they were the bestest friend I've ever had and I love them so much. However, gradually over time, they mentioned how much harder life was getting and they were getting really depressed. Since we talked online, there wasn't much I could do more than listen to them. We both enjoyed each other's company and we were pretty much unstoppable! I helped them the best I could when they were sad, but slowly over the span of four years, the depression made them really irritable and it was harder to talk to them. They would get mad at me over things that they had not cared about before, and they didn't even respect my boundaries sometimes, but we always came to an understanding and forgave each other. Unfortunately, their depression got so bad that they told me they were having suicidal thoughts. I hated seeing them in so much pain and I get sad every time I think about it. It's an extremely long story to tell everything that happened, but in the end, I believe we both made many mistakes and we were growing apart, so we had to cut ties. Seeing this video now makes me think so much of them and I wish I knew of a better way to help them at the time. I hope they're doing OK now.
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victorialaing4227
I used to have a friend with depression. I won’t say the gender or name but we went to school together. My friend was kind to me and would always make time for me, and would always use quality time as their love language towards me. They were always talking about wanting to commit suicide, and I wanted to make them happy but I didn’t know how to help them. I tried to be there for them but I didn’t have the skills to support someone with depression. They were always wanting my time 24/7, and I understood that they were lonely and had no one else to talk to. Because of this, I made time for them, but then I wasn’t getting any time to myself and I was giving them all my time and energy that I felt emotionally drained from spending time with them, even though I did enjoy spending time with them. I just didn’t wanna talk with them all the time, and whenever being around them got too hard for me to handle, I would get upset with them and I would dump them as a friend, but then they would be very sad and I would always come back for them after leaving them. I would dump them because I got overwhelmed with all the time I gave to my former friend that I had no more time for myself, and even though I loved them and cared about them, they would really sometimes get on my nerves and bother me
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I used to have a friend with depression. I won’t say the gender or name but we went to school together. My friend was kind to me and would always make time for me, and would always use quality time as their love language towards me. They were always talking about wanting to commit suicide, and I wanted to make them happy but I didn’t know how to help them. I tried to be there for them but I didn’t have the skills to support someone with depression. They were always wanting my time 24/7, and I understood that they were lonely and had no one else to talk to. Because of this, I made time for them, but then I wasn’t getting any time to myself and I was giving them all my time and energy that I felt emotionally drained from spending time with them, even though I did enjoy spending time with them. I just didn’t wanna talk with them all the time, and whenever being around them got too hard for me to handle, I would get upset with them and I would dump them as a friend, but then they would be very sad and I would always come back for them after leaving them. I would dump them because I got overwhelmed with all the time I gave to my former friend that I had no more time for myself, and even though I loved them and cared about them, they would really sometimes get on my nerves and bother me
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pikalolcrafter3343
Great Video, but I want to say, that those sactics will not always help and can potentially worsen the depression of your friend. The tactic that I personally had a bad experience with is to invite the friend to social gatherings.
I once had a friend who became mentally I'll and we had pen&paper with her every month. And she would always decline the offer. Later I found out through her best friend, who was helping her the most to fight her battles, that by not coming she felt like she is disappointing her friends and like she is not worthy of our friendship. She is better now and we still keep in touch.
I'm not saying that the video is bad. Quite the opposite. It gives great suggestions how to help someone with a mental illness, but to me those are only suggestions.
As it was said out in the video, everyone's battle with it is different.
I just wanted to point out that what might help one person might not work on others. With topics like these there will be a lot of try and error to know what will help them through these trying times.
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Great Video, but I want to say, that those sactics will not always help and can potentially worsen the depression of your friend. The tactic that I personally had a bad experience with is to invite the friend to social gatherings.
I once had a friend who became mentally I'll and we had pen&paper with her every month. And she would always decline the offer. Later I found out through her best friend, who was helping her the most to fight her battles, that by not coming she felt like she is disappointing her friends and like she is not worthy of our friendship. She is better now and we still keep in touch.
I'm not saying that the video is bad. Quite the opposite. It gives great suggestions how to help someone with a mental illness, but to me those are only suggestions.
As it was said out in the video, everyone's battle with it is different.
I just wanted to point out that what might help one person might not work on others. With topics like these there will be a lot of try and error to know what will help them through these trying times.
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psych2go
Me as the depressedanxietyADHD:
0: 30 = all my friends cannot be trusted, even if i talk to them. They just gonna take it as a meh, just a story And then forget it. I actually need the to remember my story.
0: 36 = all my friends/family never try to get close to me. Because of that, i rather just do it my own.
1: 27 = no body in my place would want to do that to me.
1: 42 =i hope someone say that to me irl.
1: 53 =. .. I don't think so.
2: 02 = yes, and i prefer to be that way.
2: 05 = there's no therapist in my place, so i cant. And if my family/friends know, they just eh, going therapy. You're just a kid, there's no need for that.
2: 52 =. .. I need friends like that. ..
3: 42 = yes.
. . .
If someone ask Why don't you give this video to you're friends/family! = I'm from different country, I'm Indonesian, and my friends/family don't speak/know English. So, what can i do about it. .. . N o t h i n g . ..
Okay I'm done. Im tired anyway. Hope you have sweet dreams everyone.
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Me as the depressedanxietyADHD:
0: 30 = all my friends cannot be trusted, even if i talk to them. They just gonna take it as a meh, just a story And then forget it. I actually need the to remember my story.
0: 36 = all my friends/family never try to get close to me. Because of that, i rather just do it my own.
1: 27 = no body in my place would want to do that to me.
1: 42 =i hope someone say that to me irl.
1: 53 =. .. I don't think so.
2: 02 = yes, and i prefer to be that way.
2: 05 = there's no therapist in my place, so i cant. And if my family/friends know, they just eh, going therapy. You're just a kid, there's no need for that.
2: 52 =. .. I need friends like that. ..
3: 42 = yes.
. . .
If someone ask Why don't you give this video to you're friends/family! = I'm from different country, I'm Indonesian, and my friends/family don't speak/know English. So, what can i do about it. .. . N o t h i n g . ..
Okay I'm done. Im tired anyway. Hope you have sweet dreams everyone.
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Vishfeast
To anyone who may mental disorders that make the world seem so confusing, your not alone! Sometimes we can get a little overrun with encounters with people that load us up with overwhelming experiences, thoughts or emotions. And for yourself and your friend, its very important to always look out for your own mental wellbeing! It's incredibly important to be real with yourself, with what your limitations are, how you feel comfortable expressing yourself and have intent on focusing your surroundings/friends to be in line with those things.
Life becomes a lot easier when your not consuming your day losing your mind trying to fit square pegs in round holes. That process in itself becomes the problem! Once you align yourself with that your limits are (defined by yourself, then it's most likely you will start to see that your mind can be present on meaningful things.
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To anyone who may mental disorders that make the world seem so confusing, your not alone! Sometimes we can get a little overrun with encounters with people that load us up with overwhelming experiences, thoughts or emotions. And for yourself and your friend, its very important to always look out for your own mental wellbeing! It's incredibly important to be real with yourself, with what your limitations are, how you feel comfortable expressing yourself and have intent on focusing your surroundings/friends to be in line with those things.
Life becomes a lot easier when your not consuming your day losing your mind trying to fit square pegs in round holes. That process in itself becomes the problem! Once you align yourself with that your limits are (defined by yourself, then it's most likely you will start to see that your mind can be present on meaningful things.
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HarukaxYuuki
I have friends with depression and I have tried to help them, because I have also gone through a bad depression and know how it is and had to suffer alone when I really wanted company, so I act like I would have liked other to act for me when I needed it. But it got to a point this friends have started hurting me mentally and just can’t continue helping them if they treat me so bad, we have talked about it and they were sorry, but it got to a limit I just can’t continue. Also is very tiresome to be worried of a person who constantly speak about ending themselves and refuses to get any help, im sorry for them but I also had to make sure I dont go down again
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I have friends with depression and I have tried to help them, because I have also gone through a bad depression and know how it is and had to suffer alone when I really wanted company, so I act like I would have liked other to act for me when I needed it. But it got to a point this friends have started hurting me mentally and just can’t continue helping them if they treat me so bad, we have talked about it and they were sorry, but it got to a limit I just can’t continue. Also is very tiresome to be worried of a person who constantly speak about ending themselves and refuses to get any help, im sorry for them but I also had to make sure I dont go down again
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hrisnabrudra8391
Well, my friend says things like I am too exhausted! and goes back to weed and binge watching every time I ask them to go out and take a walk. I myself have been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, panic and depression. I have been on medication and feeling better. But that isn't enough. They would say I'll go to the doctor someday and the same time wasting cycle goes on. Every discussion ends as if whoever is doing a job or learning something is lucky and privileged and had no significant traumas in our childhood. So I can leave if I think things aren't going right. Sigh. I am out of empathy, sympathy and every bit of energy left in me.
Any advice for me
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Well, my friend says things like I am too exhausted! and goes back to weed and binge watching every time I ask them to go out and take a walk. I myself have been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, panic and depression. I have been on medication and feeling better. But that isn't enough. They would say I'll go to the doctor someday and the same time wasting cycle goes on. Every discussion ends as if whoever is doing a job or learning something is lucky and privileged and had no significant traumas in our childhood. So I can leave if I think things aren't going right. Sigh. I am out of empathy, sympathy and every bit of energy left in me.
Any advice for me
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davids2096
I read a few comments, and I realize everyone's journey is unique and only they know what it really feels like!
Some, like myself find it almost impossible to convey and describe their particular situation for several reasons! I wish I had the answers and solutions because it can get beyond overwhelming and frightening! I hope with my entire being we get relief because no one deserves all this agony and torture! I hope God and The Universe are listening! All things pass, including the darkest and most unbearable moments! So the best is yet to come! Be safe and take care!
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I read a few comments, and I realize everyone's journey is unique and only they know what it really feels like!
Some, like myself find it almost impossible to convey and describe their particular situation for several reasons! I wish I had the answers and solutions because it can get beyond overwhelming and frightening! I hope with my entire being we get relief because no one deserves all this agony and torture! I hope God and The Universe are listening! All things pass, including the darkest and most unbearable moments! So the best is yet to come! Be safe and take care!
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psych2go
Damn. This deppressed me soooo much more because it reminded me of what I lost. And I never had it in the first place. My friend would have never done this. I know because he didn't when I tried to ask for help when my depression was much much more mild than now. He was dismissive and the absolute minimum amount of sympathetic. Even worse, this told me what I could have. If someone did this for me I would be unimaginably happy. All of the things here would help me tremendously. Oh well. Can't have it anyway no matter how much I want it so. oh well.
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Damn. This deppressed me soooo much more because it reminded me of what I lost. And I never had it in the first place. My friend would have never done this. I know because he didn't when I tried to ask for help when my depression was much much more mild than now. He was dismissive and the absolute minimum amount of sympathetic. Even worse, this told me what I could have. If someone did this for me I would be unimaginably happy. All of the things here would help me tremendously. Oh well. Can't have it anyway no matter how much I want it so. oh well.
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food-1994
This video is 100% true.
I was the strongest supporting pillar in some people's life and even stopped a few from committing sucide and was a good friend with most of them.
But when it comes to my mental illnesse. No one was there for me ( mental illnesse become not real anymore and it is my imagination.
So. Yeah. Do I regret the help that I gave or the tears that I shed or the countless sleepless nights just to keep them from ending it
Hell no and never will. But I feel sad for not reserving the help I needed and still need.
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This video is 100% true.
I was the strongest supporting pillar in some people's life and even stopped a few from committing sucide and was a good friend with most of them.
But when it comes to my mental illnesse. No one was there for me ( mental illnesse become not real anymore and it is my imagination.
So. Yeah. Do I regret the help that I gave or the tears that I shed or the countless sleepless nights just to keep them from ending it
Hell no and never will. But I feel sad for not reserving the help I needed and still need.
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PomForCalm
As someone with mental illness the one thing that I could never tolerate is someone using toxic positivity and being dismissive of my struggles by saying things like mental health does not exist it’s all in your head. To me that sounds like shaming language, as if I’m being gaslighted into thinking that it’s my fault for being mentally ill and I’m just being weak. These types of people think they’re helping you, but they’re really not. The insistence on being positive all the time will only make things worse.
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As someone with mental illness the one thing that I could never tolerate is someone using toxic positivity and being dismissive of my struggles by saying things like mental health does not exist it’s all in your head. To me that sounds like shaming language, as if I’m being gaslighted into thinking that it’s my fault for being mentally ill and I’m just being weak. These types of people think they’re helping you, but they’re really not. The insistence on being positive all the time will only make things worse.
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VioletWilliams-z8o
I’ve been the support for my boyfriend for almost half a year now, been studying phycology, helping others when they need it most is what makes me happy, seeing people with a genuine smile on their faces is what makes me smile, but it really hurts when I am there for someone but unfortunate events come one after the other and just beat down the person and/or people I’m trying to help, not because it requires more work to help them, but because it can make some people think things will never get better
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I’ve been the support for my boyfriend for almost half a year now, been studying phycology, helping others when they need it most is what makes me happy, seeing people with a genuine smile on their faces is what makes me smile, but it really hurts when I am there for someone but unfortunate events come one after the other and just beat down the person and/or people I’m trying to help, not because it requires more work to help them, but because it can make some people think things will never get better
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Spootiful
Also remember that we all walk different paths and no two journeys are the same. I had to go through soul crushing pain and torment ALONE, so if I have problems with my mental health I withdraw and have to be alone or I'll never improve. I learned to deal with my health ALONE so that is the only way I'll ever take care of my health or improve, something certain people have had a hard time understandingand consequently made everything worse, and thus no longer friends, acquaintance, or family.
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Also remember that we all walk different paths and no two journeys are the same. I had to go through soul crushing pain and torment ALONE, so if I have problems with my mental health I withdraw and have to be alone or I'll never improve. I learned to deal with my health ALONE so that is the only way I'll ever take care of my health or improve, something certain people have had a hard time understandingand consequently made everything worse, and thus no longer friends, acquaintance, or family.
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psych2go
I have an 18 year old daughter who has been diagnosed with major depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation. Every day is a struggle for her. She refuses the idea of therapy and medication. I really don’t know how to help her and it pains me to know that she’s suffering. I’ve mentioned having her being committed for a 72 hour period and she got extremely upset and threatened that if I did she would commit suicide. I feel very lost and helpless.
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I have an 18 year old daughter who has been diagnosed with major depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation. Every day is a struggle for her. She refuses the idea of therapy and medication. I really don’t know how to help her and it pains me to know that she’s suffering. I’ve mentioned having her being committed for a 72 hour period and she got extremely upset and threatened that if I did she would commit suicide. I feel very lost and helpless.
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AzureKnight2
What kind of fictional friends are these People have too much going on in their lives to do things like this, and showing symptoms of depression just drives friends away. People get annoyed and leave, or even if they stay they'll avoid you unless you, the depressed person, are making the efforts. I know this from experience, from decades with depression/anxiety and, it turns out, ADHD.
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What kind of fictional friends are these People have too much going on in their lives to do things like this, and showing symptoms of depression just drives friends away. People get annoyed and leave, or even if they stay they'll avoid you unless you, the depressed person, are making the efforts. I know this from experience, from decades with depression/anxiety and, it turns out, ADHD.
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SuperGoose42
Most of my friends have depression. I've been the therapist friend of my friend group(s) for years and it's becoming exhausting. There isn't much I can do to improve each of their lives, but the weight of it all brings me down so much
I feel bad withdrawing but sometimes I just don't have it in me to be emotionally available for everyone
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Most of my friends have depression. I've been the therapist friend of my friend group(s) for years and it's becoming exhausting. There isn't much I can do to improve each of their lives, but the weight of it all brings me down so much
I feel bad withdrawing but sometimes I just don't have it in me to be emotionally available for everyone
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ricoughtta2195
This video came at the perfect time. My Mom is currently in a psychosis & it’s been heartbreaking to witness. I feel so helpless & afraid. I don’t want her to feel alone & I want to handle her with the utmost care, but I also have my own life needs so juggling the two has felt challenging. Thank you for this helpful guidance.
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This video came at the perfect time. My Mom is currently in a psychosis & it’s been heartbreaking to witness. I feel so helpless & afraid. I don’t want her to feel alone & I want to handle her with the utmost care, but I also have my own life needs so juggling the two has felt challenging. Thank you for this helpful guidance.
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shinykit
Do you have any insight to why I might be making constant small arguments. I'm currently in the longest relationship I've ever had and I don't want to lose them. I want to know whats wrong with me before I destroy something so precious. I know you can't give advice like a therapist but some insight or a direction to look would be nice.
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Do you have any insight to why I might be making constant small arguments. I'm currently in the longest relationship I've ever had and I don't want to lose them. I want to know whats wrong with me before I destroy something so precious. I know you can't give advice like a therapist but some insight or a direction to look would be nice.
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lt8494
My best friend of 4 years suddenly stopped being friends with me. She wouldn’t say why, so i had to force the reason out of her. Turns out it was because i had depression, something she couldn’t deal with, even though i tried my very best to mask and act happy. I appreciate this video so much, everyone should watch this
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My best friend of 4 years suddenly stopped being friends with me. She wouldn’t say why, so i had to force the reason out of her. Turns out it was because i had depression, something she couldn’t deal with, even though i tried my very best to mask and act happy. I appreciate this video so much, everyone should watch this
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