7 Signs of A Fake Apology
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
The
When we were in a long trekking a so called friend was really rude to me when I got a health problem and I also got one of my feet hurt and I couldn't walk proprely ( I was literally limping, pain was so bad) He was not only rude talking, He also let me alone in many moments in the middle of the mountains and didn't even ask me how I was feeling. In addition He was used my camera because he forgot his battery and we had agreed to both use mine. He just didn't care about it or about my safety Months later I mentioned that situation and He said to me I am sorry I was rude, but I was having problems in my job. and I was stressed, so when you were like that ( according to him It was my fault to hurt my own feet) I remembered my problems. I am not like that all the time, just when I am stressed he also mentioned he did not imagine my health problems were too big ( He already knew I can't walk too fast), and if he knew it, he wouldn't have made that plan with me. I also started to complain about my shoes. he said they werre no proper for trekking (It is not true because they were bought in a sports shop and recommend by a person who knows about the subject, He also complained about me beeing slow, etc. He was incomprehensibly fast. why to walk like that in nature? You go there to relax ( He was too fast that he did not even saw a water shop He was looking for. Those were the worst apologies I have listened. I told him he must have empathy and he said I don't like to be in charge of people. But You are right I have to improve my empathy as I wanted peace I told him I was happy to talk about it and solve the situation and as the conversation was online, because he doesn't live in my city. He dissappeared and ignored me for a month and came back saying I am sorry for my late answer I am like this with everybody one year has passed since that. And I don't talk to this person since 9 months ago approximately. It still hurts, because I considered him a good friend, but deep inside I know it did good ending the friendship. I can't believe the way this person behaved, it was not just what I mentioned there was more negative stuff. He did have time to apologize before leaving, but didn't. My family and I welcomed him at my home as he were a family memember and We did everything to make him feel comfortable.
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When we were in a long trekking a so called friend was really rude to me when I got a health problem and I also got one of my feet hurt and I couldn't walk proprely ( I was literally limping, pain was so bad) He was not only rude talking, He also let me alone in many moments in the middle of the mountains and didn't even ask me how I was feeling. In addition He was used my camera because he forgot his battery and we had agreed to both use mine. He just didn't care about it or about my safety Months later I mentioned that situation and He said to me I am sorry I was rude, but I was having problems in my job. and I was stressed, so when you were like that ( according to him It was my fault to hurt my own feet) I remembered my problems. I am not like that all the time, just when I am stressed he also mentioned he did not imagine my health problems were too big ( He already knew I can't walk too fast), and if he knew it, he wouldn't have made that plan with me. I also started to complain about my shoes. he said they werre no proper for trekking (It is not true because they were bought in a sports shop and recommend by a person who knows about the subject, He also complained about me beeing slow, etc. He was incomprehensibly fast. why to walk like that in nature? You go there to relax ( He was too fast that he did not even saw a water shop He was looking for. Those were the worst apologies I have listened. I told him he must have empathy and he said I don't like to be in charge of people. But You are right I have to improve my empathy as I wanted peace I told him I was happy to talk about it and solve the situation and as the conversation was online, because he doesn't live in my city. He dissappeared and ignored me for a month and came back saying I am sorry for my late answer I am like this with everybody one year has passed since that. And I don't talk to this person since 9 months ago approximately. It still hurts, because I considered him a good friend, but deep inside I know it did good ending the friendship. I can't believe the way this person behaved, it was not just what I mentioned there was more negative stuff. He did have time to apologize before leaving, but didn't. My family and I welcomed him at my home as he were a family memember and We did everything to make him feel comfortable.
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Joycon
Number 7 reminds me so much of what my ex-fiancee did to me. Because I wasn't in the best mental state around the time we split, she cheated on me. The very last time we spoke, she said to me I'm sorry if this hurts your feelings that I already moved on. For context, she had been cheating on me about two months in advance and then as soon as we split, she got with the guy. Now for more context, I'm a transman, so that was another reason why she left me because If you're gonna become a tranny, I might as well date a real man. I also remember her saying I'm sorry that I hurt you but you hurt me far more than I hurt you. I admit I did hurt her by being verbally abusive when I wasn't getting the proper help I needed at that time, however, the things she'd do and say to me were just awful, too. She never owned up to her antics of threathening self-deletion when I didn't want to talk to her when my cat died. She told me to get over it because he was old and that I should have braced for it.
There was more such as controlling who I talked to, who I hung out with, how long I was allowed to hang out with them for. And if I didn't go home when she said, she'd spam text/call my phone and guilt trip me until I broke down and cried. My best friend even chewed her out over this when he took my phone the one time and yelled at her when she was in the middle of screaming at me in one of those notorious phone calls.
Apologies that this is a long tangent, but honestly talking about this helps me feel free. Because for so long I felt like I was making it all up when she and her transphobic friends and family gaslit me into thinking I was the bad guy. I'm so glad to be away from her. So, so glad. These Psych vids have really been helping me process my traumas and helping slowly understand and move on.
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Number 7 reminds me so much of what my ex-fiancee did to me. Because I wasn't in the best mental state around the time we split, she cheated on me. The very last time we spoke, she said to me I'm sorry if this hurts your feelings that I already moved on. For context, she had been cheating on me about two months in advance and then as soon as we split, she got with the guy. Now for more context, I'm a transman, so that was another reason why she left me because If you're gonna become a tranny, I might as well date a real man. I also remember her saying I'm sorry that I hurt you but you hurt me far more than I hurt you. I admit I did hurt her by being verbally abusive when I wasn't getting the proper help I needed at that time, however, the things she'd do and say to me were just awful, too. She never owned up to her antics of threathening self-deletion when I didn't want to talk to her when my cat died. She told me to get over it because he was old and that I should have braced for it.
There was more such as controlling who I talked to, who I hung out with, how long I was allowed to hang out with them for. And if I didn't go home when she said, she'd spam text/call my phone and guilt trip me until I broke down and cried. My best friend even chewed her out over this when he took my phone the one time and yelled at her when she was in the middle of screaming at me in one of those notorious phone calls.
Apologies that this is a long tangent, but honestly talking about this helps me feel free. Because for so long I felt like I was making it all up when she and her transphobic friends and family gaslit me into thinking I was the bad guy. I'm so glad to be away from her. So, so glad. These Psych vids have really been helping me process my traumas and helping slowly understand and move on.
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Cassandra
I dont know if anyone is going to read this, but if anyone is I just wanted to see other peoples view on this. The following is a copy word for word of a comment left on one of my videos. This person apologizing is apologizing for what she said to someone else who commented on my video. I wanted to know what other people think reading the following. Would you consider this an apology? Here is what she wrote:
Ken Allan Dronsfield and thats great that you would be supportive and not make her uncomfortable for trying the gummies or for taking them. My comment was about u watching a video of that nature. Ur wife/ gf taking them and u being supportive is one thing. But u were watching the videos as if u were curious of the results the same way a girl or woman would be. Sorry but yes usually on videos of this nature we dont tend too many men/ boys being interested in them. Maybe young guys that wear makeup will watch makeup tutorials and videos of that nature but they usually are the only ones. So yes I found it odd.
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I dont know if anyone is going to read this, but if anyone is I just wanted to see other peoples view on this. The following is a copy word for word of a comment left on one of my videos. This person apologizing is apologizing for what she said to someone else who commented on my video. I wanted to know what other people think reading the following. Would you consider this an apology? Here is what she wrote:
Ken Allan Dronsfield and thats great that you would be supportive and not make her uncomfortable for trying the gummies or for taking them. My comment was about u watching a video of that nature. Ur wife/ gf taking them and u being supportive is one thing. But u were watching the videos as if u were curious of the results the same way a girl or woman would be. Sorry but yes usually on videos of this nature we dont tend too many men/ boys being interested in them. Maybe young guys that wear makeup will watch makeup tutorials and videos of that nature but they usually are the only ones. So yes I found it odd.
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MissRY
The word BUT at the end of any apology makes it WORSE than no apology at all. Futhermore, NEVER ASSUME that your problem TODAY with your friend/family member is only about TODAY. Have you been REPEATING this same behavior time and again? Have they TOLD you that you KEEP doing this? Have they given you EXAMPLES of all the times you have hurt them by repeating this behavior? The BEST apology for this type of recurrent behavior is to ADMIT you FINALLY understand what they have been telling you; that you have a NEW DEEP HONEST understanding of what they have been saying, are sorry for being blind to the issue until now, tell the person you care for that you truly, really will aim to end that behavior because they deserve the love, care and RESPECT that they give you, AND THAT YOU GIVE TO OTHERS. You may find that the person you have hurt has their heart leap with quiet joy at your awakening.
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The word BUT at the end of any apology makes it WORSE than no apology at all. Futhermore, NEVER ASSUME that your problem TODAY with your friend/family member is only about TODAY. Have you been REPEATING this same behavior time and again? Have they TOLD you that you KEEP doing this? Have they given you EXAMPLES of all the times you have hurt them by repeating this behavior? The BEST apology for this type of recurrent behavior is to ADMIT you FINALLY understand what they have been telling you; that you have a NEW DEEP HONEST understanding of what they have been saying, are sorry for being blind to the issue until now, tell the person you care for that you truly, really will aim to end that behavior because they deserve the love, care and RESPECT that they give you, AND THAT YOU GIVE TO OTHERS. You may find that the person you have hurt has their heart leap with quiet joy at your awakening.
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Forthright
There are gray areas in knowing when to apologize. We are not responsible for other peoples feelings but for our own behavioral conduct and attitudes and ability to be self aware and take accountability. Some people are hypervigilant, constantly assessing potential threats around them and taking offense swiftly. As if in a perpetual state of self injustices. Hence, they make others responsible for their feelings and expect apologies exceeding what is reasonably appropriate. This results in overly apologetic people reacting from apathy, defensiveness, fear of loss, or low self esteem (to name a few) which perpetuates the issuance of insincere apologies. So where do we draw the line between when it is and not appropriate to apologize?
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There are gray areas in knowing when to apologize. We are not responsible for other peoples feelings but for our own behavioral conduct and attitudes and ability to be self aware and take accountability. Some people are hypervigilant, constantly assessing potential threats around them and taking offense swiftly. As if in a perpetual state of self injustices. Hence, they make others responsible for their feelings and expect apologies exceeding what is reasonably appropriate. This results in overly apologetic people reacting from apathy, defensiveness, fear of loss, or low self esteem (to name a few) which perpetuates the issuance of insincere apologies. So where do we draw the line between when it is and not appropriate to apologize?
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Pam
The sentence I'm sorry you feel that way is not an apology at all. It's a put down. A way to ignore you and your feelings. What they are actually saying is I don't care about you or your feelings. If the conversation continues, the other person will keep using manipulative sentences that they have learned and practiced on another person. Usually an ex. These people have learned to shift the blame back onto the other person and has become a master manipulator of people without caring if they blow through person after person. They only care about themselves, and if it's woman, she will only genuinely care about her offspring who she gave birth to. Step children are often used as a scapegoat in brutal ways. Sadly.
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The sentence I'm sorry you feel that way is not an apology at all. It's a put down. A way to ignore you and your feelings. What they are actually saying is I don't care about you or your feelings. If the conversation continues, the other person will keep using manipulative sentences that they have learned and practiced on another person. Usually an ex. These people have learned to shift the blame back onto the other person and has become a master manipulator of people without caring if they blow through person after person. They only care about themselves, and if it's woman, she will only genuinely care about her offspring who she gave birth to. Step children are often used as a scapegoat in brutal ways. Sadly.
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Raven
Some of these points shouldn't be in this video. Too many variables and lack of context don't, logically speaking, fit in this video.
Example. We're at a mall or public place. I see a friend pass by behind you and to be humorous or funny i flip em off. You turn behind you but its too late my friend is gone. So all you saw was me flipping you off cought in the cross fire. So you get mad i explain and i say you're not understanding it was miscommunication, you felt wrong about it, took it wrong, etc because I communicated a finger to my friend. But you insist I flipped you off and you're extremely mad now. Some points need to be out. Its circumstances. Other than that this vid helps. Yes it does.
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Some of these points shouldn't be in this video. Too many variables and lack of context don't, logically speaking, fit in this video.
Example. We're at a mall or public place. I see a friend pass by behind you and to be humorous or funny i flip em off. You turn behind you but its too late my friend is gone. So all you saw was me flipping you off cought in the cross fire. So you get mad i explain and i say you're not understanding it was miscommunication, you felt wrong about it, took it wrong, etc because I communicated a finger to my friend. But you insist I flipped you off and you're extremely mad now. Some points need to be out. Its circumstances. Other than that this vid helps. Yes it does.
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L. Tjuston
i love the SpongeBob references i just met a women a sobeys who had a Buch of water bottles in a paper bag she must of had like 15 to 20 so i guess their was a sale on water bottles that or she was really dehydrated lol but my point is that she got upset when i took her till at the self check bc i thought it was not being use i told her i was sorry but that wasn't good enough for her she arge bk even though i said i was sorry i once said i'm sorry u flee that way but i was being vary sincere about it even if it was online which is makes it hard to be sincere bc since theirs no tone of voice in yr massage u send to a person wich makes it really hard to be sincere if yr saying sorry to someone
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i love the SpongeBob references i just met a women a sobeys who had a Buch of water bottles in a paper bag she must of had like 15 to 20 so i guess their was a sale on water bottles that or she was really dehydrated lol but my point is that she got upset when i took her till at the self check bc i thought it was not being use i told her i was sorry but that wasn't good enough for her she arge bk even though i said i was sorry i once said i'm sorry u flee that way but i was being vary sincere about it even if it was online which is makes it hard to be sincere bc since theirs no tone of voice in yr massage u send to a person wich makes it really hard to be sincere if yr saying sorry to someone
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25%
I feel like I use the I'm sorry but I only did it because. A lot. When I use it, it's for a genuine sorry. It's because I do something for them, to try and keep them happy. I would risk myself for that person or others just so they can be happy. I guess you can't make everyone happy, I try so hard to, I really do, but I think they are starting to confront me on doing this.
For EX: I'm sorry but I only did it because I wanted you to feel better; I didn't think this would happen.
Or
I'm sorry but I only did it because I wanted to make someone else happy. I was so on track that I forgot about you.
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I feel like I use the I'm sorry but I only did it because. A lot. When I use it, it's for a genuine sorry. It's because I do something for them, to try and keep them happy. I would risk myself for that person or others just so they can be happy. I guess you can't make everyone happy, I try so hard to, I really do, but I think they are starting to confront me on doing this.
For EX: I'm sorry but I only did it because I wanted you to feel better; I didn't think this would happen.
Or
I'm sorry but I only did it because I wanted to make someone else happy. I was so on track that I forgot about you.
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Jed
One of my ex friends was acting moody for a few weeks and I asked to talk with them about what was going on. They went on a 30 minute rant about all their complaints about me and most of what they were saying wasnt true it was based on assumptions they thought were facts. I wanted to tell them my side of things but they demanded an apology or we couldn't speak about my side of things. After I apologized they still didn't want to hear me out an said it wasn't a real apology. I apologized for things we didn't agree or have an understanding of. Then they said they didn't want to be friends.
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One of my ex friends was acting moody for a few weeks and I asked to talk with them about what was going on. They went on a 30 minute rant about all their complaints about me and most of what they were saying wasnt true it was based on assumptions they thought were facts. I wanted to tell them my side of things but they demanded an apology or we couldn't speak about my side of things. After I apologized they still didn't want to hear me out an said it wasn't a real apology. I apologized for things we didn't agree or have an understanding of. Then they said they didn't want to be friends.
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Running
Im sorry for everything really means Im sorry for nothing
It displays the following.
A lack of empathy. They might know what they did is wrong, but they have no idea how much it actually hurt the individual. Therefore they disassociate themselves from the harm they caused. It shows that they dont actually want to provide a genuine apology because they recognize they they caused harm. They just want to return to the status quo because theyre not happy with the hurt person displaying that theyre hurt. A disingenuous apology is probably not hurtful than no apology.
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Im sorry for everything really means Im sorry for nothing
It displays the following.
A lack of empathy. They might know what they did is wrong, but they have no idea how much it actually hurt the individual. Therefore they disassociate themselves from the harm they caused. It shows that they dont actually want to provide a genuine apology because they recognize they they caused harm. They just want to return to the status quo because theyre not happy with the hurt person displaying that theyre hurt. A disingenuous apology is probably not hurtful than no apology.
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words
Well to be honest, the examples you chose are clearly not meant to be apologies in the first place, and I believe this is one of the weaker videos you have made. One can very well express regret about a given situation without accepting responsibility. If I say, I am sorry you feel this way, it means just that, it's not supposed to be an apology, it is supposed to express a degree of empathy about how you feel. That's an obvious fallacy running throughout your video, where you assume the author of such potential remarks is being disingenuous.
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Well to be honest, the examples you chose are clearly not meant to be apologies in the first place, and I believe this is one of the weaker videos you have made. One can very well express regret about a given situation without accepting responsibility. If I say, I am sorry you feel this way, it means just that, it's not supposed to be an apology, it is supposed to express a degree of empathy about how you feel. That's an obvious fallacy running throughout your video, where you assume the author of such potential remarks is being disingenuous.
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SomethingSomething
Part of being a man is mastering a fake apology lol I usually have to apologize five times before breakfast simply to smooth everything out and get the lady off my ass about everything. It's the same with mothers. You quickly learn everything is always your fault in a relationship and that if you want to shut them up you'll just now your head, put on a frown, apologize, and get on with your day. Honestly, I'd say of all the apologizing I've done in my life maybe 2% of it was sincere.
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Part of being a man is mastering a fake apology lol I usually have to apologize five times before breakfast simply to smooth everything out and get the lady off my ass about everything. It's the same with mothers. You quickly learn everything is always your fault in a relationship and that if you want to shut them up you'll just now your head, put on a frown, apologize, and get on with your day. Honestly, I'd say of all the apologizing I've done in my life maybe 2% of it was sincere.
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Cut
Has anyone experienced this. Someone knocks something over and takes no accountability for their actions. You decide to clean it up but still remain frustrated. Your boss or someone in authority tells the person who knocked it over that they should apologize to you. When they approach you get the feeling it feels forced. There saying things to you but your still frustrated. You now don't even like your boss or the person who knocked the stuff over anymore. It all feels fake.
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Has anyone experienced this. Someone knocks something over and takes no accountability for their actions. You decide to clean it up but still remain frustrated. Your boss or someone in authority tells the person who knocked it over that they should apologize to you. When they approach you get the feeling it feels forced. There saying things to you but your still frustrated. You now don't even like your boss or the person who knocked the stuff over anymore. It all feels fake.
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mitski
i realized, after my now ex girlfriend told me, i never actually apologized to her. she told me that saying im sorry i made you feel that way its not an apology. im in therapy, and i realized that what i did during our relationship was wrong, and im going to be better in the future. i never realized what i did was wrong, and now that i know ill apologize in the right way. i hope ill be able to change for the better
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i realized, after my now ex girlfriend told me, i never actually apologized to her. she told me that saying im sorry i made you feel that way its not an apology. im in therapy, and i realized that what i did during our relationship was wrong, and im going to be better in the future. i never realized what i did was wrong, and now that i know ill apologize in the right way. i hope ill be able to change for the better
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L. Tjuston
a other way to tell if its a fake sorry is if they keep saying sorry to u as a excuse or they say their sorry but keep doing something wruong also if they don't say soorry like they mean when it can be a fake sorry and if they can't look u in the eyes and say sorry could also a fake sorry then again that could also mean they flee bad about what they did to u so they may not be albe to say their sorry
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a other way to tell if its a fake sorry is if they keep saying sorry to u as a excuse or they say their sorry but keep doing something wruong also if they don't say soorry like they mean when it can be a fake sorry and if they can't look u in the eyes and say sorry could also a fake sorry then again that could also mean they flee bad about what they did to u so they may not be albe to say their sorry
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Bunny
See also: The Narcissists Prayer
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did.
You deserved it.
Theyll usually say sorry in combination with a variation of something from that list.
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See also: The Narcissists Prayer
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did.
You deserved it.
Theyll usually say sorry in combination with a variation of something from that list.
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Kim
This sounds like my husband, that I left a few months ago. I could of gotten a better apology out of the cat for throwing up on the carpet. Showing a changed attitude out of the person apologizing would make it seem like they really mean it. Just saying im sorry after 8 years of mental abuse, doesn't cut it
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This sounds like my husband, that I left a few months ago. I could of gotten a better apology out of the cat for throwing up on the carpet. Showing a changed attitude out of the person apologizing would make it seem like they really mean it. Just saying im sorry after 8 years of mental abuse, doesn't cut it
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Lady
For me, some of these are actually valid as a starter for a genuine apology such as the im sorry you feel that way. It all depends on the context and delivery of the other party. But that im sorry that you're so sensitive hit a nerve. Wow! If I hear that from anybody, all ties are cut.
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For me, some of these are actually valid as a starter for a genuine apology such as the im sorry you feel that way. It all depends on the context and delivery of the other party. But that im sorry that you're so sensitive hit a nerve. Wow! If I hear that from anybody, all ties are cut.
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Sailingeko
I tried to tell my friend that what she was trying to do to help me just made me feel invalidated.
They literally said im sorry you feel that way
This friend also wants me to stick up for myself. So while i was TRYING to, i was even more invalidated.
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I tried to tell my friend that what she was trying to do to help me just made me feel invalidated.
They literally said im sorry you feel that way
This friend also wants me to stick up for myself. So while i was TRYING to, i was even more invalidated.
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Hermione3
All of them portrait my family. They mistreat me badly and never apologise in earnest. They either do not apologise at all or they use those fake apologies mentioned here. They have used all of them. Most frequently the justification one and the blaming one.
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All of them portrait my family. They mistreat me badly and never apologise in earnest. They either do not apologise at all or they use those fake apologies mentioned here. They have used all of them. Most frequently the justification one and the blaming one.
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education
Recently had to cut a friend out of my life for this reason. I realized they never cared about me and were just another person pretending.
Theyd constantly push my boundaries then give me the bs sorry you feel that way apology and laugh about it too.
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Recently had to cut a friend out of my life for this reason. I realized they never cared about me and were just another person pretending.
Theyd constantly push my boundaries then give me the bs sorry you feel that way apology and laugh about it too.
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Kaito
The very first sign is a bit of an extreme assumption. Im sorry, but could potentially be a method of being realistic. It shows understanding, but a firmness in what is being explained. Of course, it is possible that it is an insincere apology.
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The very first sign is a bit of an extreme assumption. Im sorry, but could potentially be a method of being realistic. It shows understanding, but a firmness in what is being explained. Of course, it is possible that it is an insincere apology.
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Kay
My mom would apologize for yelling at me or calling me dumb, and itd be multiple times. My sister did the same way, but she used the Im sorry, this hurt me more than it hurts you or Im sorry you feel that way
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My mom would apologize for yelling at me or calling me dumb, and itd be multiple times. My sister did the same way, but she used the Im sorry, this hurt me more than it hurts you or Im sorry you feel that way
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KaviasIzach
The 7th more feels like you're sharing the blame more than putting it all in others. Since sometimes others people behavior or actions makes us react a way we regret later, so it's a both side fault
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The 7th more feels like you're sharing the blame more than putting it all in others. Since sometimes others people behavior or actions makes us react a way we regret later, so it's a both side fault
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