MUST KNOW Red Flags of a Controlling Relationship
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
Derek_o_g
Hi. Could anyone give me some advice, please?
I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half, but we've known each other for 6 years. I've had some problems in the past (self-harming since I was 12 years old, 3 attempted suicides, etc) and I don't want to go back there because of him.
Everything from this video matches his actions unbelievably accurately. I came out as a trans boy recently and, while my family has accepted it and supports me, he says he won't call me by my pronouns nor my chosen name. He basically doesn't respect me, to the point of saying it is an illness and that by this way I want to hurt him, make him depressed.
He has known about this for around 4 months but keeps denying it.
Every time we argue, he ends up saying to break up (some times he gets a bit violent, punching and hitting things, insulting me or my family, saying horrible things about them and even of my psychologist, etc) but then, after a day or so, says he feels bad and is sorry. I don't know how but he even coerced me to have relationships even when I told him I didn't want to, and still does to this day, guilt-tripping me if I don't.
He blames me for everything, or says everything is his fault for his behavior, just to make me feel bad. He keeps criticizing every single thing and decision I make, and even want me to do certain things I don't want to, or dress how he sees fit (even when I had my hair cut.
I just don't want to go back to the point where I was so depressed and suicidal. I just want to be happy, and coming out helped, it lifted a weight off my shoulders, but it feels like I'm stuck with him and I can't start transitioning if even my partner won't accept and love me for who I am.
Please, help me. What should I do? Can anyone give some advice, please?
Thank you for taking your time to read this.
reply
Hi. Could anyone give me some advice, please?
I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half, but we've known each other for 6 years. I've had some problems in the past (self-harming since I was 12 years old, 3 attempted suicides, etc) and I don't want to go back there because of him.
Everything from this video matches his actions unbelievably accurately. I came out as a trans boy recently and, while my family has accepted it and supports me, he says he won't call me by my pronouns nor my chosen name. He basically doesn't respect me, to the point of saying it is an illness and that by this way I want to hurt him, make him depressed.
He has known about this for around 4 months but keeps denying it.
Every time we argue, he ends up saying to break up (some times he gets a bit violent, punching and hitting things, insulting me or my family, saying horrible things about them and even of my psychologist, etc) but then, after a day or so, says he feels bad and is sorry. I don't know how but he even coerced me to have relationships even when I told him I didn't want to, and still does to this day, guilt-tripping me if I don't.
He blames me for everything, or says everything is his fault for his behavior, just to make me feel bad. He keeps criticizing every single thing and decision I make, and even want me to do certain things I don't want to, or dress how he sees fit (even when I had my hair cut.
I just don't want to go back to the point where I was so depressed and suicidal. I just want to be happy, and coming out helped, it lifted a weight off my shoulders, but it feels like I'm stuck with him and I can't start transitioning if even my partner won't accept and love me for who I am.
Please, help me. What should I do? Can anyone give some advice, please?
Thank you for taking your time to read this.
reply
Rainbow
1: 50 WOOOO! HAVE I GOT A STORY FOR YOU! my mom and dad both saved up and got me a violin! They knew I wanted to learn to play one because I had had a dream I told my mom about, where I went through amazing efforts the play a violin for three seconds until I woke up. I told my mom and she said playing the violin is hard, you won't commit to it wow thanks mom, nice self-esteem boost there. Anyways, when they got me a violin the first thing my mom said after I said thank you. Was I don't want to hear you play it, keep it at your dad's house you helped buy it mom, you told me I wouldn't commit so you made it so I can't commit. (I only go to my dad's house on the weekends) then she said fine, but you better learn fast ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME? she tells me I can't do it, gets it for me Anyways, and then tells me to do it exceptionally fast. Ah yes, beautiful logic mother. That should be the history books folks. This'll change the world someday! It's not even a I believe in you or I bet you could learn twice as fast as normal! It's you better learn fast because she doesn't wanna hear it THEN DON'T GET ME THE VIOLIN! Am I just a spoiled brat?
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1: 50 WOOOO! HAVE I GOT A STORY FOR YOU! my mom and dad both saved up and got me a violin! They knew I wanted to learn to play one because I had had a dream I told my mom about, where I went through amazing efforts the play a violin for three seconds until I woke up. I told my mom and she said playing the violin is hard, you won't commit to it wow thanks mom, nice self-esteem boost there. Anyways, when they got me a violin the first thing my mom said after I said thank you. Was I don't want to hear you play it, keep it at your dad's house you helped buy it mom, you told me I wouldn't commit so you made it so I can't commit. (I only go to my dad's house on the weekends) then she said fine, but you better learn fast ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME? she tells me I can't do it, gets it for me Anyways, and then tells me to do it exceptionally fast. Ah yes, beautiful logic mother. That should be the history books folks. This'll change the world someday! It's not even a I believe in you or I bet you could learn twice as fast as normal! It's you better learn fast because she doesn't wanna hear it THEN DON'T GET ME THE VIOLIN! Am I just a spoiled brat?
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education
My nephew is with a controlling abusive partner. The guy he's with is a total narcissist abuser and he's an excellent manipulator. He wont work. My nephew is the only one who works while his lazy abusive husbands sits around and get high all day playing video games, but he also controls every aspect of my nephews life. My nephew has autism and so does his abusive husband, but the abusive husband is higher functioning and he also has narcissistic personality disorder. Anyway, he KNOWS how to control my nephew, my nephew just don't see just how abusive and manipulative and controlling his husband is. Words can't even begin to describe what a creep this guys is. I hope one day my nephew will wake up and realize how much he is being controlled and used and abused, but sadly because of my nephew being the way he is and his husband being such a narcissistic controlling manipulator he will NEVER see this and be forever with the creep instead of someone who would treat him much better.
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My nephew is with a controlling abusive partner. The guy he's with is a total narcissist abuser and he's an excellent manipulator. He wont work. My nephew is the only one who works while his lazy abusive husbands sits around and get high all day playing video games, but he also controls every aspect of my nephews life. My nephew has autism and so does his abusive husband, but the abusive husband is higher functioning and he also has narcissistic personality disorder. Anyway, he KNOWS how to control my nephew, my nephew just don't see just how abusive and manipulative and controlling his husband is. Words can't even begin to describe what a creep this guys is. I hope one day my nephew will wake up and realize how much he is being controlled and used and abused, but sadly because of my nephew being the way he is and his husband being such a narcissistic controlling manipulator he will NEVER see this and be forever with the creep instead of someone who would treat him much better.
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Deneen
I need someone to help me he has taken over everything in my whole world. Everyone else has completely left my world and I cant get any Shopify from anywhere. I was such a happy and coincident lesson and he has brokendown everything about me. He has gotten me to a point where I literally collapse becoming paralyzed by pain thoughout my entire being crying in fear and pain while he sits there either insulting me more of yelling at me to stop. His head games play such a number on my psyche that my abilities to function in basic healthy activities has become nearly impossible.
I am a cancer survivor and have a hortatory bone disease. I was very accomplished professional who continued t I thrive through my cancer, and survived. I went on to achieve many more successes and dreams. recieving even more awards and high distingoons. Becoming unable to work due to the progressive develent of the bins disease has been difci cult enough but the control actions Nd demeaning treatment
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I need someone to help me he has taken over everything in my whole world. Everyone else has completely left my world and I cant get any Shopify from anywhere. I was such a happy and coincident lesson and he has brokendown everything about me. He has gotten me to a point where I literally collapse becoming paralyzed by pain thoughout my entire being crying in fear and pain while he sits there either insulting me more of yelling at me to stop. His head games play such a number on my psyche that my abilities to function in basic healthy activities has become nearly impossible.
I am a cancer survivor and have a hortatory bone disease. I was very accomplished professional who continued t I thrive through my cancer, and survived. I went on to achieve many more successes and dreams. recieving even more awards and high distingoons. Becoming unable to work due to the progressive develent of the bins disease has been difci cult enough but the control actions Nd demeaning treatment
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alise
the unfortunate reality is that i've been the victim & the controlling partner in my current & past friendships & relationships. thankfully i've been working on it through DBT therapy & having clear conversations with the people in my life. i'm very thankful that i'm able to set boundaries & put myself first while also being able to give to the important community in my life. i promise if anyone is struggling with feeling like they're on both sides of this video, you can change how you act or react to situations. it just takes time & some self love
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the unfortunate reality is that i've been the victim & the controlling partner in my current & past friendships & relationships. thankfully i've been working on it through DBT therapy & having clear conversations with the people in my life. i'm very thankful that i'm able to set boundaries & put myself first while also being able to give to the important community in my life. i promise if anyone is struggling with feeling like they're on both sides of this video, you can change how you act or react to situations. it just takes time & some self love
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EnderPartyLord
One of my best friends recently hit me with an ultimatum of Do this or Im never speaking to you again.
She used everything dear to me to scare me into doing something for her. Shit hurts when someone you trust that much puts you in that position, uses your feelings against you to get what they want.
Its so difficult to process that someone you care about that much is willing to deliberately hurt you that much: /
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One of my best friends recently hit me with an ultimatum of Do this or Im never speaking to you again.
She used everything dear to me to scare me into doing something for her. Shit hurts when someone you trust that much puts you in that position, uses your feelings against you to get what they want.
Its so difficult to process that someone you care about that much is willing to deliberately hurt you that much: /
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education
I have a friendship like this, I have known them for around 6 months, they had become one of my best friends and it's getting worse. We are in the middle of an argument because I began to. confront them! I hope they realize what they have been doing because every one of these signs matched with our friendship. and the entire friend group is not happy with them because of what they have been doing
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I have a friendship like this, I have known them for around 6 months, they had become one of my best friends and it's getting worse. We are in the middle of an argument because I began to. confront them! I hope they realize what they have been doing because every one of these signs matched with our friendship. and the entire friend group is not happy with them because of what they have been doing
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Tina
The worst part is when you can't even recognize if it's a controlling relationship or not. I see all these signs. But I keep feeling guilty like it's all my fault and that I am just imagining things because everyone loves him. He is so charming. I feel like I am in a cage and I don't even know what to do right now. Everyone says I should just let go but I keep feeling awful
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The worst part is when you can't even recognize if it's a controlling relationship or not. I see all these signs. But I keep feeling guilty like it's all my fault and that I am just imagining things because everyone loves him. He is so charming. I feel like I am in a cage and I don't even know what to do right now. Everyone says I should just let go but I keep feeling awful
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Kiro
1. yeah. she used to, even though she said she never did.
2. she tried to get me away from my true friends.
3. she was right though.
4. and she said she truly loved me.
5. she never really cared about my trauma, she just wanted to see me suffer.
6. .yeah, to manipulate my family.
7. major conditions.
8. not really but. something like that.
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1. yeah. she used to, even though she said she never did.
2. she tried to get me away from my true friends.
3. she was right though.
4. and she said she truly loved me.
5. she never really cared about my trauma, she just wanted to see me suffer.
6. .yeah, to manipulate my family.
7. major conditions.
8. not really but. something like that.
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Intpiss
My boyfriend was kind of controlling. He made me think that if I leave him, he would be sad and lonely. He was charming, he insulted people. He also said some horrible things towards my family, and he kept it in between me and him. He caused me to be insecure, and it made me feel horrible. Please be careful around these people
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My boyfriend was kind of controlling. He made me think that if I leave him, he would be sad and lonely. He was charming, he insulted people. He also said some horrible things towards my family, and he kept it in between me and him. He caused me to be insecure, and it made me feel horrible. Please be careful around these people
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Kishi
I'm on the process of healing and building myself again. You will really lose yourself in a controlling relationship. On the other side, I'm hoping he will grow and heal himself so that he won't hurt people around him. And for me, I hope I will be free from controlling/ toxic relationships. I also hope for complete healing.
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I'm on the process of healing and building myself again. You will really lose yourself in a controlling relationship. On the other side, I'm hoping he will grow and heal himself so that he won't hurt people around him. And for me, I hope I will be free from controlling/ toxic relationships. I also hope for complete healing.
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desthemess
This kinda relationship is bad with a partner now think about that but your a little sister and this video perfectly discribes your big brother ya thats my life and you cant break up with a brother you have to live in the same house with him and be alone with him all the time and no matter what i do nothing changes
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This kinda relationship is bad with a partner now think about that but your a little sister and this video perfectly discribes your big brother ya thats my life and you cant break up with a brother you have to live in the same house with him and be alone with him all the time and no matter what i do nothing changes
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Sarah
Looking back on my three year long relationship I never realized I did many of these over the past year I recognized a lot of my innate character flaws and have worked hard to change them. so thankful for this page to allow everyone to be self aware of their interpersonal/self relationships. Thank you
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Looking back on my three year long relationship I never realized I did many of these over the past year I recognized a lot of my innate character flaws and have worked hard to change them. so thankful for this page to allow everyone to be self aware of their interpersonal/self relationships. Thank you
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Nia
I didn't want to admit that my partner was controlling, I'm starting to realize the subtle ways and even very overt ways, in which I was not willing to see before. It's a hard realization when you love someone so much, and now that I'm calling it out and not accepting it, everything is worse
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I didn't want to admit that my partner was controlling, I'm starting to realize the subtle ways and even very overt ways, in which I was not willing to see before. It's a hard realization when you love someone so much, and now that I'm calling it out and not accepting it, everything is worse
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Star
I have this habit of kind of hinting but its also because I worry that its me, not the person I want to hint this for.
So I want to send this to my partner as I wonder if its me whos controlling or is it him but hell understand that I meant that he is the controlling one
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I have this habit of kind of hinting but its also because I worry that its me, not the person I want to hint this for.
So I want to send this to my partner as I wonder if its me whos controlling or is it him but hell understand that I meant that he is the controlling one
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Melliferamodern
Could you do a video comparing a controlling relationship (like this) to a person trying to encourage positive change in their partner/setting boundaries for what they don't want in a partner in a healthy way. I feel like they can look quite similar sometimes
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Could you do a video comparing a controlling relationship (like this) to a person trying to encourage positive change in their partner/setting boundaries for what they don't want in a partner in a healthy way. I feel like they can look quite similar sometimes
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Valliera
what if they disappear for days on end with no warning and then just show up again like nothing ever happened and then just disappear again. I always feel like I've done something wrong and that they don't want to talk to me. Am I just clingy or.
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what if they disappear for days on end with no warning and then just show up again like nothing ever happened and then just disappear again. I always feel like I've done something wrong and that they don't want to talk to me. Am I just clingy or.
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Meraki
Soo Im not allowed to hangout with anyone unless my bf is there. He does buy me a lot of stuff I dont want after he fights with me? I dont know if this is normal stuff in a relationship? Does anyone know resources for relationship advice?
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Soo Im not allowed to hangout with anyone unless my bf is there. He does buy me a lot of stuff I dont want after he fights with me? I dont know if this is normal stuff in a relationship? Does anyone know resources for relationship advice?
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buckwheat
No one should have to go through this. You're a warrior only when you come out, before that you're not even a doormat. Youre the dirty rug preparing to be thrown out by your owner any moment.
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No one should have to go through this. You're a warrior only when you come out, before that you're not even a doormat. Youre the dirty rug preparing to be thrown out by your owner any moment.
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brain
I wish someone warned me before, I've spent 8 years in a friendship like that, I felt so belittled and worthless. Watching this and analyzing everything was soothing nonetheless, though.
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I wish someone warned me before, I've spent 8 years in a friendship like that, I felt so belittled and worthless. Watching this and analyzing everything was soothing nonetheless, though.
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Athena
I think my ex friend/ex roommate is in a controlling toxic relationship right now. Her girlfriend completely turned her against me and our other friends and so much shit went down.
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I think my ex friend/ex roommate is in a controlling toxic relationship right now. Her girlfriend completely turned her against me and our other friends and so much shit went down.
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Pergal
Look GUYS aim not being rude im actually a really big fan of psych2go but WHY DOES SHE SOUND LIKE her mic is under a soft pillow fr
Again Im not a hater and I dont want trouble
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Look GUYS aim not being rude im actually a really big fan of psych2go but WHY DOES SHE SOUND LIKE her mic is under a soft pillow fr
Again Im not a hater and I dont want trouble
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Heck
Is there any advice on how to help people who have been conditioned in a controlling environment? To help feel like they can be in control of themselves again in a healthy way?
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Is there any advice on how to help people who have been conditioned in a controlling environment? To help feel like they can be in control of themselves again in a healthy way?
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S. K. 24
Yes the cycle is the routine that goes on
And such partners even reveal the secrets said to them in blaming manner their anger is mix with bad words and foul language
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Yes the cycle is the routine that goes on
And such partners even reveal the secrets said to them in blaming manner their anger is mix with bad words and foul language
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Sky
Told my girlfriend that I expect her to be monogamous. .. .. She said that I'm being controlling and we need to take a break for awhile. That was over three months ago.
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Told my girlfriend that I expect her to be monogamous. .. .. She said that I'm being controlling and we need to take a break for awhile. That was over three months ago.
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