5 Signs You're NOT a Narcissist, Just Lonely
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 24
DJANGO
I've been undergoing brainspotting and TRE for over a year now after a very toxic relationship ended abruptly. Over this time I have often considered that it was all my fault, however, in exploring literally any perspective to help me heal, I have realised that we ALL, without exception, carry narcissism. I believe it's actually a kind of protector part (IFS) that comes into being to protect self-worth.
I don't believe that narcissists exist anymore, just traumatised humans who have these protector parts so developed that they have become synonymous and therefore conflated with identity.
Through studying NVC (non-violent communication) I see this even more now. I believe my ex to have VERY strong narcissitic protector parts and in them that they are basically self-like parts and so easily perceived by her and others as both positive and also just her identity.
I have hints of narcissism therefore of course too, as does anyone who actually has self-worth.
We all guard our self-worth to some extent but I believe that some people are in a state of constant self worth, over-compensation that this manifests outwardly in various destructive forms some self-destructive and some destructive to others.
I'm feeling so much more peace now but I now I have a way to go. However, now, I can see the way ahead and I just have to keep healing and hopefully the work will continue to bear enough fruit that one day, I won't need therapy anymore.
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I've been undergoing brainspotting and TRE for over a year now after a very toxic relationship ended abruptly. Over this time I have often considered that it was all my fault, however, in exploring literally any perspective to help me heal, I have realised that we ALL, without exception, carry narcissism. I believe it's actually a kind of protector part (IFS) that comes into being to protect self-worth.
I don't believe that narcissists exist anymore, just traumatised humans who have these protector parts so developed that they have become synonymous and therefore conflated with identity.
Through studying NVC (non-violent communication) I see this even more now. I believe my ex to have VERY strong narcissitic protector parts and in them that they are basically self-like parts and so easily perceived by her and others as both positive and also just her identity.
I have hints of narcissism therefore of course too, as does anyone who actually has self-worth.
We all guard our self-worth to some extent but I believe that some people are in a state of constant self worth, over-compensation that this manifests outwardly in various destructive forms some self-destructive and some destructive to others.
I'm feeling so much more peace now but I now I have a way to go. However, now, I can see the way ahead and I just have to keep healing and hopefully the work will continue to bear enough fruit that one day, I won't need therapy anymore.
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beebait
The trick is getting someone with narcissistic personality disorder to go in for a diagnosis. Its an uphill battle to say the least. If you know know someone who is very far on the NPD spectrum what coping or cooperative methods do you recommend? Like if you have a narcissistic family member you cant avoid easily. Or if you know you have narcissistic tendencies what strategies could you use to mend relationships. Working on relationships does not come naturally to narcissists so if there is a constructive way to intervene, that would be nice to learn. So far mostly what I hear is avoid them but some people cant really do that.
Are there ways to subtly navigate around or undermine narcissistic behavior? Ways to word questions to get them to think about what their doing or saying? Or do you have to be blunt? Being blunt with a narcissist normally burns bridges (a term I hear narcissists use often. I get some sort of threat about me being just about to burn a bridge when I say something perfectly reasonable whenever that reasonable thing makes them feel vulnerable. Then thats why they flee or cut ties to protect against that vulnerable feeling. A specific way to word it is: Is there a way to help a narcissist see others' perspectives without making them feel vulnerable or questioning their competency?
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The trick is getting someone with narcissistic personality disorder to go in for a diagnosis. Its an uphill battle to say the least. If you know know someone who is very far on the NPD spectrum what coping or cooperative methods do you recommend? Like if you have a narcissistic family member you cant avoid easily. Or if you know you have narcissistic tendencies what strategies could you use to mend relationships. Working on relationships does not come naturally to narcissists so if there is a constructive way to intervene, that would be nice to learn. So far mostly what I hear is avoid them but some people cant really do that.
Are there ways to subtly navigate around or undermine narcissistic behavior? Ways to word questions to get them to think about what their doing or saying? Or do you have to be blunt? Being blunt with a narcissist normally burns bridges (a term I hear narcissists use often. I get some sort of threat about me being just about to burn a bridge when I say something perfectly reasonable whenever that reasonable thing makes them feel vulnerable. Then thats why they flee or cut ties to protect against that vulnerable feeling. A specific way to word it is: Is there a way to help a narcissist see others' perspectives without making them feel vulnerable or questioning their competency?
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Freia
Here are my questions in response to this video
1- What if youre educating yourself about narcissism in an attempt to prove to yourself that others are to blame and you are the victim?
2- What is the real difference between self reflection and self absorption? With both, our focus is still on ourselves. What if youre open about your flaws because of insecurity, or because youre subconsciously looking for validation? Arent those traits of a covert narcissist?
3- Even psychopaths are genuinely curious about others. What if youre interest in learning about others is a subconscious attempt to make yourself feel like a caring person, or provide helpful advice and assistance as a way to boost your own ego and improve your reputation?
4. What exactly is the difference between guilt and shame? A person can genuinely apologize both out of guilt or out of shame. How do you know which is your real motivation?
5. Is it a sign of superiority if you think you are better than a narcissist, psychopath or sociopath? If you consider yourself a victim of narcissistic abuse, do you secretly believe you are superior because youre a good person?
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Here are my questions in response to this video
1- What if youre educating yourself about narcissism in an attempt to prove to yourself that others are to blame and you are the victim?
2- What is the real difference between self reflection and self absorption? With both, our focus is still on ourselves. What if youre open about your flaws because of insecurity, or because youre subconsciously looking for validation? Arent those traits of a covert narcissist?
3- Even psychopaths are genuinely curious about others. What if youre interest in learning about others is a subconscious attempt to make yourself feel like a caring person, or provide helpful advice and assistance as a way to boost your own ego and improve your reputation?
4. What exactly is the difference between guilt and shame? A person can genuinely apologize both out of guilt or out of shame. How do you know which is your real motivation?
5. Is it a sign of superiority if you think you are better than a narcissist, psychopath or sociopath? If you consider yourself a victim of narcissistic abuse, do you secretly believe you are superior because youre a good person?
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Harry
In conclusion, I AM LONELY. Thank you for this, now I know. Before I tend to think that I am narcissist because I like to get along with other people and get praise. Like seeking for validation but at the same time I kept ovethinking like 'What if I am bothering them? ' or 'What if they think I am not genuine enough or some kind of plastic' because of my friendly and cheerful personality. So, now I becoming more distant to people because of that ideas. Honestly, I know I am toxic on some point/people and I'm very sorry for that and I am trying my best to change it. I am hoping that I will do great this time.
Edit: sorry for my grammar
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In conclusion, I AM LONELY. Thank you for this, now I know. Before I tend to think that I am narcissist because I like to get along with other people and get praise. Like seeking for validation but at the same time I kept ovethinking like 'What if I am bothering them? ' or 'What if they think I am not genuine enough or some kind of plastic' because of my friendly and cheerful personality. So, now I becoming more distant to people because of that ideas. Honestly, I know I am toxic on some point/people and I'm very sorry for that and I am trying my best to change it. I am hoping that I will do great this time.
Edit: sorry for my grammar
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Rusted
I'm struggling to understand where it's ok to respect yourself, set boundaries, and share what you think without being narcissistic. I know I share what I think too much and it's obvious I'm looking for validation or something like that. I am lonely but I'm too ashamed of not understanding what people mean sometimes. I'm very good at completely misjudging an interpersonal situation and running with it, only to look back and see how foolish I was without understanding how to be smart enough to not do it again. I feel delusional when it seems crystal clear but I keep getting it wrong.
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I'm struggling to understand where it's ok to respect yourself, set boundaries, and share what you think without being narcissistic. I know I share what I think too much and it's obvious I'm looking for validation or something like that. I am lonely but I'm too ashamed of not understanding what people mean sometimes. I'm very good at completely misjudging an interpersonal situation and running with it, only to look back and see how foolish I was without understanding how to be smart enough to not do it again. I feel delusional when it seems crystal clear but I keep getting it wrong.
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2ndPartyCrasher
I'm still mixed, i mean i have empathy which makes me care about people. I do however feel better than people, when it comes to certain things that is. Like something you suck at I'm good at, so we are therefore equal and so you can't hurt me. It feel narcissistic, and i think i might be overthinking what i say to make people see me a certain way. Which feels narcissistic too. I think i might be misunderstood. It feels like i have to point these things out yet it feels narcissistic.
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I'm still mixed, i mean i have empathy which makes me care about people. I do however feel better than people, when it comes to certain things that is. Like something you suck at I'm good at, so we are therefore equal and so you can't hurt me. It feel narcissistic, and i think i might be overthinking what i say to make people see me a certain way. Which feels narcissistic too. I think i might be misunderstood. It feels like i have to point these things out yet it feels narcissistic.
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Abhishek
I don't know what your name is but thankyou so much i don't know if people are being nice to me that's they are telling me about good side only or only little about my bad side but I wanna believe that I am not narcissistic and i am willing to stop that behaviour and now I think I am not narcissistic thank you still i am not completely sure but thank you i liked your voice and please as a patient i am not being nice to seek validation
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I don't know what your name is but thankyou so much i don't know if people are being nice to me that's they are telling me about good side only or only little about my bad side but I wanna believe that I am not narcissistic and i am willing to stop that behaviour and now I think I am not narcissistic thank you still i am not completely sure but thank you i liked your voice and please as a patient i am not being nice to seek validation
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Victoria
Question: I was always very lony as a child. I always had the feeling I behave different in Groups and never knew when it was okay to be me and when it would be too far off normal social behavour. I always copied them trying to be like them but when I was alone I was a totaly different Person. Can you maybe make an Episode about that. I am still confused quiet a lot. (If you already have then please send me the link)
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Question: I was always very lony as a child. I always had the feeling I behave different in Groups and never knew when it was okay to be me and when it would be too far off normal social behavour. I always copied them trying to be like them but when I was alone I was a totaly different Person. Can you maybe make an Episode about that. I am still confused quiet a lot. (If you already have then please send me the link)
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#OmnistPagan
I used to like psychology but now it has devolved into hocus pocus where non professionals try to mind read people they dont like. Also people now have super powers because they have basic empathy yay! I think the internet makes us lonely and we use academic studies and pseudo intellectualism to fill our emptiness. Oh well at least I was entertained for 5 minutes cant complain about that I guess.
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I used to like psychology but now it has devolved into hocus pocus where non professionals try to mind read people they dont like. Also people now have super powers because they have basic empathy yay! I think the internet makes us lonely and we use academic studies and pseudo intellectualism to fill our emptiness. Oh well at least I was entertained for 5 minutes cant complain about that I guess.
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charles
Ive had 4 relationships that went to hell in a hand basket ended abruptly. Ive had only had 7 relationships. Most everything mentioned is on point but talking about past relationship ending badly kinda has me worried i may be narcissistic. I dont think i am cause not everything can end smoothly as its a fact of life but still. I been battling this idea the last 3 years, ive grown tired of it now.
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Ive had 4 relationships that went to hell in a hand basket ended abruptly. Ive had only had 7 relationships. Most everything mentioned is on point but talking about past relationship ending badly kinda has me worried i may be narcissistic. I dont think i am cause not everything can end smoothly as its a fact of life but still. I been battling this idea the last 3 years, ive grown tired of it now.
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Roberta_Alice
1. Yes
2. Yes but struggle with it at times.
3. Usually I'm the one who gets left.
4. Oh I can say definitely yes I have highly perceptive emotions. I cried the other day thinking of the puppy I couldn't save.
5. I overthink my actions and also I have really low confidence cause I am afraid confidence will turn into cockiness.
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1. Yes
2. Yes but struggle with it at times.
3. Usually I'm the one who gets left.
4. Oh I can say definitely yes I have highly perceptive emotions. I cried the other day thinking of the puppy I couldn't save.
5. I overthink my actions and also I have really low confidence cause I am afraid confidence will turn into cockiness.
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Auruna
References, references, references!
0: 39
-Techno plushie
-Dream blob
-I'm in love with an E-girl poster on the wall
-Poster of c! Wilbur on the wall
2: 12
-Dream (very obvious)
-Poster from the egg
-A sign that says Technoblade
2: 59
-L'Manburg flag
-Poster of DreamXD
-Bee plushie
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References, references, references!
0: 39
-Techno plushie
-Dream blob
-I'm in love with an E-girl poster on the wall
-Poster of c! Wilbur on the wall
2: 12
-Dream (very obvious)
-Poster from the egg
-A sign that says Technoblade
2: 59
-L'Manburg flag
-Poster of DreamXD
-Bee plushie
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Caleb
I didn't quite know what to aspect when clicking on this video, but now it's official. I'm lonely, the first 4 out of 5 where spot on, though I'm still thinking about the last sign and I know how your always reminding the ordinance that your video's are for educational purposes, so I wont think too hard on it
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I didn't quite know what to aspect when clicking on this video, but now it's official. I'm lonely, the first 4 out of 5 where spot on, though I'm still thinking about the last sign and I know how your always reminding the ordinance that your video's are for educational purposes, so I wont think too hard on it
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Stylnos
Left a quite toxic relationship and read some books of psychology. Cause of her passive-aggressive behavior i went overboard with feelings and guilt. I thought I am a narcissist from what I was reading and started losing my mind. Its a very bad feeling
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Left a quite toxic relationship and read some books of psychology. Cause of her passive-aggressive behavior i went overboard with feelings and guilt. I thought I am a narcissist from what I was reading and started losing my mind. Its a very bad feeling
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Millyardo
I struggle with this. All my relationships have ended bad. I just wish people felt I was worthy of a second chance vs trying to box me in as a villian. I think 4 out of 5 ain't bad. But still. Doesn't feel good to constantly being broken up with
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I struggle with this. All my relationships have ended bad. I just wish people felt I was worthy of a second chance vs trying to box me in as a villian. I think 4 out of 5 ain't bad. But still. Doesn't feel good to constantly being broken up with
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TempCross
Me: ok I hate it when people want to give me attention but when they actually give me the attention I'm like Please don't leave me I can't do life alone
My friend: you literally let your friends beat you for attention you dummy
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Me: ok I hate it when people want to give me attention but when they actually give me the attention I'm like Please don't leave me I can't do life alone
My friend: you literally let your friends beat you for attention you dummy
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Lulu
When I exchange a greeting and smile with a stranger. I feel a surge of endorphins qnd wondered if that was narcissistic supply. Actually its intense loneliness that is momentarily satiated by connecting with strangers for a minute.
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When I exchange a greeting and smile with a stranger. I feel a surge of endorphins qnd wondered if that was narcissistic supply. Actually its intense loneliness that is momentarily satiated by connecting with strangers for a minute.
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Ace
I was worried I was running my mouth (talking about stuff I loved and have experienced, mainly the things I have experienced) in a group chat and was feeling like i was narcissistic and now holy crap thank you my anxiety is gone now
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I was worried I was running my mouth (talking about stuff I loved and have experienced, mainly the things I have experienced) in a group chat and was feeling like i was narcissistic and now holy crap thank you my anxiety is gone now
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ChesDoodlesAlot
they're most likely are not comfortable with the idea they neeed something to improve on
then theres me who knows i have something to improve on but my dumb self still becomes arrogant for some reason
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they're most likely are not comfortable with the idea they neeed something to improve on
then theres me who knows i have something to improve on but my dumb self still becomes arrogant for some reason
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goth
0: 38 techno plush willbur poster dream blob
1: 48 techno cape
2: 10 dream hoodie and eggempire poster and willbur yellow hoodie techno blade word
2: 58 l'manburg flag and dream XD poster
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0: 38 techno plush willbur poster dream blob
1: 48 techno cape
2: 10 dream hoodie and eggempire poster and willbur yellow hoodie techno blade word
2: 58 l'manburg flag and dream XD poster
reply
that
yeah i think im just lonley whenever i walk up to ppl and tell them im the best thing to ever happen to them they get mad i dont know what it could be though
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yeah i think im just lonley whenever i walk up to ppl and tell them im the best thing to ever happen to them they get mad i dont know what it could be though
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Bookwolf
4: 44 omg I can see One Piece Easter eggs: Luffy's straw hat on the sofa arm; Trafalgar Law's emblem hidden behind the poster on the wall. LOVE!
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4: 44 omg I can see One Piece Easter eggs: Luffy's straw hat on the sofa arm; Trafalgar Law's emblem hidden behind the poster on the wall. LOVE!
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:. Anub! s.:
just very lonely and anxiety i mace fears of talking to people ever after a move of states and it messed me up because i knew everyone
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just very lonely and anxiety i mace fears of talking to people ever after a move of states and it messed me up because i knew everyone
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Bailey_Dreamfoot
Listen two genres i never expected to merge were mental health education and minecraft yt the dsmp references are sending me
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Listen two genres i never expected to merge were mental health education and minecraft yt the dsmp references are sending me
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