8 Toxic Things People Say To Each Other (Without Realizing It)
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
Mickie
I told my step mother she act like my mother. I didn't realize it was a bad thing as I joke to my dad he like these kind these kind of woman. She was doing controlling. Like she won't let me be apart of a family event. Made me suck in one place. Now she trying make my dad pick sides as I told my father there shouldn't be any side. When he come see me she makes his life miserable when he get home. I have apologize so many times. She block me from every thing. And trying her best to block my father too. By way she talk us in to moving closer we did thinking I get see them more because my brother die a year ago n my father getting older. As soon we move here we was five day closing on house she find out i told my dad she act like mom she kick us out not even let me explain my seft or apology we have live in car for 5 days until close home. Ather that I text sorry notes n all but now she stonewalling and trying hold my dad. She promise us that nothing going go bad even i ask about fight because we all do time to time. She said we fix it when we get there. Plus the hole time we was moving she like tell us what your mother going think when you move. Like she won a game or something. I find out later she like find fights n stonewall her kids. I'm not only one. As my dad feels suck in middle. I keep telling him he not. I'm not making him do anything. Sad I only see him like 20, min onces or two a month. She is robbing me of end of my father life as I havn't seen Him over 25 years. Family thinks she jealous. Why would she be jealous. I find it mess up. Other said because she can't control me. I try my best to fix thing. I keep telling my self it for best.
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I told my step mother she act like my mother. I didn't realize it was a bad thing as I joke to my dad he like these kind these kind of woman. She was doing controlling. Like she won't let me be apart of a family event. Made me suck in one place. Now she trying make my dad pick sides as I told my father there shouldn't be any side. When he come see me she makes his life miserable when he get home. I have apologize so many times. She block me from every thing. And trying her best to block my father too. By way she talk us in to moving closer we did thinking I get see them more because my brother die a year ago n my father getting older. As soon we move here we was five day closing on house she find out i told my dad she act like mom she kick us out not even let me explain my seft or apology we have live in car for 5 days until close home. Ather that I text sorry notes n all but now she stonewalling and trying hold my dad. She promise us that nothing going go bad even i ask about fight because we all do time to time. She said we fix it when we get there. Plus the hole time we was moving she like tell us what your mother going think when you move. Like she won a game or something. I find out later she like find fights n stonewall her kids. I'm not only one. As my dad feels suck in middle. I keep telling him he not. I'm not making him do anything. Sad I only see him like 20, min onces or two a month. She is robbing me of end of my father life as I havn't seen Him over 25 years. Family thinks she jealous. Why would she be jealous. I find it mess up. Other said because she can't control me. I try my best to fix thing. I keep telling my self it for best.
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ayumiichie
Hm I am unsure about this. I've went to therapy and even had a stationary hospitalisation because of my issues. I tend to get very angry when I am triggered too often and then I would impulsively say something like I am done out of sadness and hurt. Its not even about being malicious. Yet its not good to do but sometimes it doesn't come out of nowhere. My ex was an avoidant and he wouldn't stay during conflicts. He would stonewall, ghost or just vanish at all. We've tried but somehow it didn't work out. I was also diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and although I've tried to control myself. there have been times where I had been so fed up with everything that I just lashed out. He would hurt me with his empty promises but not seek help for himself either. just pity himself and say stuff like I dont know why I am doing this but the internet is free and so is personal research. I was the only one ever sending him stuff about my condition while he just wanted to have fun with his friends and not work through his trauma. I miss him a lot but it was hella unhealthy. and I feel bad for lashing out at him. But he didnt even say anything to our breakup. I have my own problems and I am sad we didn't manage to work through it together like we've said. He wanted to make it up to me after three days but I was already so caught up in my anger that I snapped the second he finally texted me back. Sometimes I think about calling him but I don't want to make it worse for either of us.
I just wish we would have had a chance and actually make it through together.
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Hm I am unsure about this. I've went to therapy and even had a stationary hospitalisation because of my issues. I tend to get very angry when I am triggered too often and then I would impulsively say something like I am done out of sadness and hurt. Its not even about being malicious. Yet its not good to do but sometimes it doesn't come out of nowhere. My ex was an avoidant and he wouldn't stay during conflicts. He would stonewall, ghost or just vanish at all. We've tried but somehow it didn't work out. I was also diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and although I've tried to control myself. there have been times where I had been so fed up with everything that I just lashed out. He would hurt me with his empty promises but not seek help for himself either. just pity himself and say stuff like I dont know why I am doing this but the internet is free and so is personal research. I was the only one ever sending him stuff about my condition while he just wanted to have fun with his friends and not work through his trauma. I miss him a lot but it was hella unhealthy. and I feel bad for lashing out at him. But he didnt even say anything to our breakup. I have my own problems and I am sad we didn't manage to work through it together like we've said. He wanted to make it up to me after three days but I was already so caught up in my anger that I snapped the second he finally texted me back. Sometimes I think about calling him but I don't want to make it worse for either of us.
I just wish we would have had a chance and actually make it through together.
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Lucie
My mum's favourite phrase to me when I was a kid was exasperatedly saying: well, I cant/do you want me to wave a magic wand.
God I love my mum, and she loves us, but its this sort of communication shut down that contributed to so much shouting and crying. What that phrase communicated, intentionally or unintentionally, is that what I needed wasn't important enough to fix/compromise. That 'fix' could have been a discussion, planning for 'next time' or even just empathy for my predicament that didn't blame me for being inconvenient. My mum just got angry and defensive and proclaimed - essentially - that she hand't thought of it, so I should stop complaining (do you want me to wave a magic wand)
Most times it was something like finding a toilet in the middle of nowhere, food on a car journey, or items that had been missed off of a shopping list.
These days it's a rare phrase. a little bit because mum's better at empathising (and in a much better place mentally, but also because, as an adult, I quickly learned the value of adaptive planning, not relying on anyone else to meet my needs and not bothering anyone else with things I can fix myself.
I am therefore god-awful at asking for help.
So is mum.
So is Nana.
Go figure.
I will remember the phrase I can't wave a magic wand? until the day I die.
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My mum's favourite phrase to me when I was a kid was exasperatedly saying: well, I cant/do you want me to wave a magic wand.
God I love my mum, and she loves us, but its this sort of communication shut down that contributed to so much shouting and crying. What that phrase communicated, intentionally or unintentionally, is that what I needed wasn't important enough to fix/compromise. That 'fix' could have been a discussion, planning for 'next time' or even just empathy for my predicament that didn't blame me for being inconvenient. My mum just got angry and defensive and proclaimed - essentially - that she hand't thought of it, so I should stop complaining (do you want me to wave a magic wand)
Most times it was something like finding a toilet in the middle of nowhere, food on a car journey, or items that had been missed off of a shopping list.
These days it's a rare phrase. a little bit because mum's better at empathising (and in a much better place mentally, but also because, as an adult, I quickly learned the value of adaptive planning, not relying on anyone else to meet my needs and not bothering anyone else with things I can fix myself.
I am therefore god-awful at asking for help.
So is mum.
So is Nana.
Go figure.
I will remember the phrase I can't wave a magic wand? until the day I die.
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Dark
0: 38 wow ok right off the bat lol. i remember getting bullied senseless all throughout the 3rd grade when i was the new kid (and honestly all of middle school, but it got less severe once we moved a second time. and the one time i came to my mother crying about it, wanting to change schools, she told me exactly this. Said i've always been such a sensitive person. i was taking everything too much to heart, and that kids joke around all the time. and it's not that difficult to ignore them. and everyday after that convo, she'd see my tears, and ask what's wrong, just for it to lead into the same well, they're only joking, try and lighten up. response. sometimes she'd even laugh herself when i insisted that they weren't just jokes, and that i was actually being made fun of and dreading going to school everyday. so eventually i just started saying nothing, im fine. to everything she asked, cuz i knew she didn't really care anyway. now i just can't open up to anyone as easily, out of fear all my problems will be downplayed and pushed aside, or even laughed at. it's like, when you invalidate your kids, they feel like the ultimate trust is gone, it's like, who can you trust? this vid just unleashed a lot of repressed memories, but i think it's important i watched it. now i feel a little less crazy.
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0: 38 wow ok right off the bat lol. i remember getting bullied senseless all throughout the 3rd grade when i was the new kid (and honestly all of middle school, but it got less severe once we moved a second time. and the one time i came to my mother crying about it, wanting to change schools, she told me exactly this. Said i've always been such a sensitive person. i was taking everything too much to heart, and that kids joke around all the time. and it's not that difficult to ignore them. and everyday after that convo, she'd see my tears, and ask what's wrong, just for it to lead into the same well, they're only joking, try and lighten up. response. sometimes she'd even laugh herself when i insisted that they weren't just jokes, and that i was actually being made fun of and dreading going to school everyday. so eventually i just started saying nothing, im fine. to everything she asked, cuz i knew she didn't really care anyway. now i just can't open up to anyone as easily, out of fear all my problems will be downplayed and pushed aside, or even laughed at. it's like, when you invalidate your kids, they feel like the ultimate trust is gone, it's like, who can you trust? this vid just unleashed a lot of repressed memories, but i think it's important i watched it. now i feel a little less crazy.
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Sam
Okay, I'm guilt of one of the options for all except for saying you're crazy and you're just like insert relative. It's hard to open up because I have avoidant attachment style. I don't see much stuff discussing how to deal with it as a person instead of dealing with people who have it. So, I can't seem to fix it and I build walls around me, keep people at length and push people away when I really need them. I have trust issues and I've never met anyone who noticed nor willing to break through it or else my life would be like those romance novels because I'm that bad lmao. I want to fix my relationship with a close friend which I ghosted when my family was breaking apart, she's ghosted me back deservingly but I don't know how. I tried sending a text saying sorry but no replies. I don't know if I can tell her what happened with my family because I don't really want to talk badly about it. Maybe I shouldn't be worried about it since she hasn't texted me back ever and probably never will. Bestie, I wished I'm more open because I still want to be friends even if you probably don't care about me now.
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Okay, I'm guilt of one of the options for all except for saying you're crazy and you're just like insert relative. It's hard to open up because I have avoidant attachment style. I don't see much stuff discussing how to deal with it as a person instead of dealing with people who have it. So, I can't seem to fix it and I build walls around me, keep people at length and push people away when I really need them. I have trust issues and I've never met anyone who noticed nor willing to break through it or else my life would be like those romance novels because I'm that bad lmao. I want to fix my relationship with a close friend which I ghosted when my family was breaking apart, she's ghosted me back deservingly but I don't know how. I tried sending a text saying sorry but no replies. I don't know if I can tell her what happened with my family because I don't really want to talk badly about it. Maybe I shouldn't be worried about it since she hasn't texted me back ever and probably never will. Bestie, I wished I'm more open because I still want to be friends even if you probably don't care about me now.
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fres#2
I think IAM too sensitive but I have cptsd and after finding my dad dead from gunshot suicide I just haven't been myself. I believe I trauma bonded with someone that could really hurt me then when I react they blame me and hurt me more by showing they don't care if I'm crying. I'm ashamed I broke down like I have I just lost all those close to me, 5 family members and 8 friends all to suicide. I have a real phobia of being abandon. I don't have anyone else to turn to but she's not fair more often then not and she doesn't pickup the phone when she's mad even if she hurts me then I react she blames me then leaves me to cry like a baby. I wasn't always like this I guess I'm just broke and driving her nuts but I feel I just wish she had a little compassion for me
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I think IAM too sensitive but I have cptsd and after finding my dad dead from gunshot suicide I just haven't been myself. I believe I trauma bonded with someone that could really hurt me then when I react they blame me and hurt me more by showing they don't care if I'm crying. I'm ashamed I broke down like I have I just lost all those close to me, 5 family members and 8 friends all to suicide. I have a real phobia of being abandon. I don't have anyone else to turn to but she's not fair more often then not and she doesn't pickup the phone when she's mad even if she hurts me then I react she blames me then leaves me to cry like a baby. I wasn't always like this I guess I'm just broke and driving her nuts but I feel I just wish she had a little compassion for me
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Laura
Again woke up to a rich blame. it's like the thought of what's on his mind and I have to handle it with his mental or conscience and he throws his # 639 emotion, spiritual, and physical to never chatting with me for a meeting time 1 yr /8months of knowing him. stole my car anyways I'm focusing, yes this sounds like a poster of this but both have to communicate and he run shut down and wants to wake me up the bad. im only guilty of God's issues of auditory which hell that wasn't there so as I publicly admit, u want me toxic, narastic, fine but I'm also bing blame for producing a trans, I was adopted and because all this stuff. I'm the poster person, yes have a husband. so u should run a clip y had he stayed and I'm poision
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Again woke up to a rich blame. it's like the thought of what's on his mind and I have to handle it with his mental or conscience and he throws his # 639 emotion, spiritual, and physical to never chatting with me for a meeting time 1 yr /8months of knowing him. stole my car anyways I'm focusing, yes this sounds like a poster of this but both have to communicate and he run shut down and wants to wake me up the bad. im only guilty of God's issues of auditory which hell that wasn't there so as I publicly admit, u want me toxic, narastic, fine but I'm also bing blame for producing a trans, I was adopted and because all this stuff. I'm the poster person, yes have a husband. so u should run a clip y had he stayed and I'm poision
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AKingInYellow
Calm down is the worst thing to tell anyone in a heightened state of emotion. I have anger issues and you need to calm down literally sets me off the deepest end. Had that happen once, then a friend who knows me defused it quick by just asking What happened? They confirmed I was angry over something, even got me to talk about it. I was furious cause of the crap calm down my boss tried to pretend should work. I was truly angry cause of family troubles. That was a whole dam of emotions I got to say out loud.
This was six years ago, and it helped me realize my anger issues are because I have a hard time opening up and just saying what's truly my problem.
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Calm down is the worst thing to tell anyone in a heightened state of emotion. I have anger issues and you need to calm down literally sets me off the deepest end. Had that happen once, then a friend who knows me defused it quick by just asking What happened? They confirmed I was angry over something, even got me to talk about it. I was furious cause of the crap calm down my boss tried to pretend should work. I was truly angry cause of family troubles. That was a whole dam of emotions I got to say out loud.
This was six years ago, and it helped me realize my anger issues are because I have a hard time opening up and just saying what's truly my problem.
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Noggo
Can I ask something?
I do the silent treatment unwillingly because of my severe social anxiety, as soon as my anxiety starts to creep in my neck and throat tense up so badly that it physically hurts to speak, and this happens most often when the conversation gets uncomfortable. I don't want to do it but I really can't speak in those moments. Even though the people in my life know that I have really bad anxiety I feel like it is hurting my relationships. How can I fix it?
(Have spoken to therapists/done their exercises and been on meds but neither have worked so far)
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Can I ask something?
I do the silent treatment unwillingly because of my severe social anxiety, as soon as my anxiety starts to creep in my neck and throat tense up so badly that it physically hurts to speak, and this happens most often when the conversation gets uncomfortable. I don't want to do it but I really can't speak in those moments. Even though the people in my life know that I have really bad anxiety I feel like it is hurting my relationships. How can I fix it?
(Have spoken to therapists/done their exercises and been on meds but neither have worked so far)
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Bianca
All my life I had to deal with my mom's verbal abuse and only now on Psch2Go has it been showing me why I have the problems I do even though I always knew something was not right with my mom who is a compulsive liar and talks so much I can't believe that I am the only one who acknowledges the damage she did to my mindset, and I refuse to be anywhere near her for over six months because I can't heal when am. My mom is a narcissist, the most dangerous woman I ever met because she forced me to be dependent on her.
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All my life I had to deal with my mom's verbal abuse and only now on Psch2Go has it been showing me why I have the problems I do even though I always knew something was not right with my mom who is a compulsive liar and talks so much I can't believe that I am the only one who acknowledges the damage she did to my mindset, and I refuse to be anywhere near her for over six months because I can't heal when am. My mom is a narcissist, the most dangerous woman I ever met because she forced me to be dependent on her.
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Erica
This video reminds me of my former relationship with my ex. There was so much emotional/verbal abuse in that relationship that it had to end, because it was unhealthy. I started doing therapy and encourage him to do the same, but he refused so I left. I am glad that the relationship ended because it needed to happen. It was rough and I difficult at time, but I'm healing and continue to heal from that relationship. What I take away from that relationship are the lessons and shared what I learned with others.
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This video reminds me of my former relationship with my ex. There was so much emotional/verbal abuse in that relationship that it had to end, because it was unhealthy. I started doing therapy and encourage him to do the same, but he refused so I left. I am glad that the relationship ended because it needed to happen. It was rough and I difficult at time, but I'm healing and continue to heal from that relationship. What I take away from that relationship are the lessons and shared what I learned with others.
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billliecola
i'm living in a toxic environment right now and felt super defensive and in survival mode all the time. this led to a negative change on how i speak to others because of how hurt i got. that's why i felt guilty from a lot in the list! didn't realize how much people i've hurt.
word of advise: leave toxic environments because it can lead to YOU absorbing the negativity and becoming who you don't want to be (without realizing it.
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i'm living in a toxic environment right now and felt super defensive and in survival mode all the time. this led to a negative change on how i speak to others because of how hurt i got. that's why i felt guilty from a lot in the list! didn't realize how much people i've hurt.
word of advise: leave toxic environments because it can lead to YOU absorbing the negativity and becoming who you don't want to be (without realizing it.
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A.
I will have to pay attention to see to what degree I use any of these phrases when communicating with friends and relatives. However, I was struck by the fact that I had certainly been on the receiving end of some of these in some of my of late difficult familial relationships. Perhaps it explains why communication eventually broke down, and there no longer exists much of any relationship.
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I will have to pay attention to see to what degree I use any of these phrases when communicating with friends and relatives. However, I was struck by the fact that I had certainly been on the receiving end of some of these in some of my of late difficult familial relationships. Perhaps it explains why communication eventually broke down, and there no longer exists much of any relationship.
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Sarah
Tried to use the second tip, I tend to say whatever or forget it when the fight leads to nothing. Instead I tried to communicate but the friend thought I was always just complaining ig, idk what to do. I accept im at fault but it still hurts how I tried to do something but it didn't work, their in a better place but im still stuck in the past. It really hurts a lot sometimes.
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Tried to use the second tip, I tend to say whatever or forget it when the fight leads to nothing. Instead I tried to communicate but the friend thought I was always just complaining ig, idk what to do. I accept im at fault but it still hurts how I tried to do something but it didn't work, their in a better place but im still stuck in the past. It really hurts a lot sometimes.
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Maaya
Red flags which we miss most of the time shunning the thought away that perhaps we are simply over thinking or over reacting can lead us to a state of utter dismay when we come in the face of adversity. Not every one who shows they care enough actually cares. Manipulation comes in all forms most of it is from people who you consider your closest. All that glitters ain't gold
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Red flags which we miss most of the time shunning the thought away that perhaps we are simply over thinking or over reacting can lead us to a state of utter dismay when we come in the face of adversity. Not every one who shows they care enough actually cares. Manipulation comes in all forms most of it is from people who you consider your closest. All that glitters ain't gold
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Todd
Sometimes people overreact. Not all responses are equally valid. When 30 year old is behaving like a 3 year old, they might need to be called out on it.
Sometimes people misinterpret others. Maybe it wasn't racist, maybe you're not being stalked. Indulgence might not be the best response. Sometimes the best thing we can do is help the other person get some perspective.
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Sometimes people overreact. Not all responses are equally valid. When 30 year old is behaving like a 3 year old, they might need to be called out on it.
Sometimes people misinterpret others. Maybe it wasn't racist, maybe you're not being stalked. Indulgence might not be the best response. Sometimes the best thing we can do is help the other person get some perspective.
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maru
lol i feel like crying just hearing this sht its all way too familiar and relevant in my life atm. youre confused, frustrated, hurt, when someone who supposedly loves you do these things, and you want to understand, but just cant comprehend it, or they wont explain, they just shut you down. i want nothing but to move on with my life but its difficult.
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lol i feel like crying just hearing this sht its all way too familiar and relevant in my life atm. youre confused, frustrated, hurt, when someone who supposedly loves you do these things, and you want to understand, but just cant comprehend it, or they wont explain, they just shut you down. i want nothing but to move on with my life but its difficult.
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Kezia
Literally cry watching this.
Btw, what if my ex texted me are you okay? Beside doing silent treatment whereas me myself not over him yet and not okay and am not sure that I could talk to him about this & if I have to get back to him later whatsoever.
Hopefully you reply soon cuz I dont know where to ask anymore about these stuff.
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Literally cry watching this.
Btw, what if my ex texted me are you okay? Beside doing silent treatment whereas me myself not over him yet and not okay and am not sure that I could talk to him about this & if I have to get back to him later whatsoever.
Hopefully you reply soon cuz I dont know where to ask anymore about these stuff.
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Castier
Ya I've dealt with someone that did the Absolutes thing. I have this issue where I panic when I'm in conversation with someone and so I hesitate to formulate words and sometimes that can get me in trouble like if someone says a compliment I will pause and say what or something and then not know what to do when they repeat it.
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Ya I've dealt with someone that did the Absolutes thing. I have this issue where I panic when I'm in conversation with someone and so I hesitate to formulate words and sometimes that can get me in trouble like if someone says a compliment I will pause and say what or something and then not know what to do when they repeat it.
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Flight_of_Icarus
You'll get over it is something I constantly heard from my parents. If there was something I didn't enjoy doing or didn't want go do, or somewhere I didn't want to go, they'd force me to go anyway and then get on me if I acted upset. Essentially forcing me to get over it. Even if I never really felt right at the end.
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You'll get over it is something I constantly heard from my parents. If there was something I didn't enjoy doing or didn't want go do, or somewhere I didn't want to go, they'd force me to go anyway and then get on me if I acted upset. Essentially forcing me to get over it. Even if I never really felt right at the end.
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originals
I'm going through it with the mother of my daughter and was ignorant of how I was making her feel in our relationship. I'm aware now and watching this gives me a greater perspective on the shortcomings I need to work on to be a better communicator.
Thank you so much.
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I'm going through it with the mother of my daughter and was ignorant of how I was making her feel in our relationship. I'm aware now and watching this gives me a greater perspective on the shortcomings I need to work on to be a better communicator.
Thank you so much.
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LightfulWings
Can there be a video of this but a friends edition. I have a friend who has said some of those sentences but not realizing what he is saying are toxic and mean or saying get over it when he/she does not realize its saying something mean.
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Can there be a video of this but a friends edition. I have a friend who has said some of those sentences but not realizing what he is saying are toxic and mean or saying get over it when he/she does not realize its saying something mean.
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education
Watching this made me kinda angry, my ex and I were toxic af to eachother and I'm super guilty for the I'm done coz I was always invalidated or had my problems belittled and told I was crazy, we were both toxic but that's over now
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Watching this made me kinda angry, my ex and I were toxic af to eachother and I'm super guilty for the I'm done coz I was always invalidated or had my problems belittled and told I was crazy, we were both toxic but that's over now
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Aly
I do 6 out of 8 of these things, a big one for me is saying you always / you never. I kinda cried half way through this video cause it made me realize how toxic of a person I can be sometimes. but these videos help us learn! Thumbs up!
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I do 6 out of 8 of these things, a big one for me is saying you always / you never. I kinda cried half way through this video cause it made me realize how toxic of a person I can be sometimes. but these videos help us learn! Thumbs up!
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Brian
Needed this video, i think that the reason why Ive done almost all of those toxic behaviors, are because instead of thinking for the good of the relationship, Ive reacted to isolate myself from the problems/discussions
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Needed this video, i think that the reason why Ive done almost all of those toxic behaviors, are because instead of thinking for the good of the relationship, Ive reacted to isolate myself from the problems/discussions
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