5 Signs You Have Poor Boundaries
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
Good
I love how easy it is to comment on these videos because basically anyone could have something to share about their experiences. If your life is perfect, you are either extremely blessed or you are doing something wrong. As for myself, I'm currently fighting with indecision. Because of a birth defect in my feet, I've had multiple surgeries on my right foot and currently, I'm struggling at work, but I don't know where I could go that would be easier. Instead, I'm trying harder and harder to please my co-workers and bosses at my current job. My boss literally has me on a schedule right now of mostly mid-morning shifts, with some really early 4am shifts thrown into the mix, and I feel abused and exhausted, but for me, I can only survive right now because of the partial disability the company is giving off, so I feel like I have to sacrifice my own desires and health to live. This description fits me to a tee, but setting healthy boundaries for a job in my experience is much harder than setting healthy boundaries for friends. Of course, when you don't feel included in activities by friends, it's just as easy to develop poor boundaries either way because you want so desperately to feel included that you are willing to sacrifice everything to do so.
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I love how easy it is to comment on these videos because basically anyone could have something to share about their experiences. If your life is perfect, you are either extremely blessed or you are doing something wrong. As for myself, I'm currently fighting with indecision. Because of a birth defect in my feet, I've had multiple surgeries on my right foot and currently, I'm struggling at work, but I don't know where I could go that would be easier. Instead, I'm trying harder and harder to please my co-workers and bosses at my current job. My boss literally has me on a schedule right now of mostly mid-morning shifts, with some really early 4am shifts thrown into the mix, and I feel abused and exhausted, but for me, I can only survive right now because of the partial disability the company is giving off, so I feel like I have to sacrifice my own desires and health to live. This description fits me to a tee, but setting healthy boundaries for a job in my experience is much harder than setting healthy boundaries for friends. Of course, when you don't feel included in activities by friends, it's just as easy to develop poor boundaries either way because you want so desperately to feel included that you are willing to sacrifice everything to do so.
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Anna
Recently discovered that I established rather poor boundaries with a close person because I was afraid to lose them. I've let them become too comfortable and let them get away with too much to the point they were genuinely and kinda negatively surprised when I started setting boundaries. This person didn't wish me harm, on opposite they thought they were helping me by e. g. pushing an uncomfortable topic on me because they thought I had to work it out and they also felt like they can share my secret without asking me first because (I surmise) they assumed it had already become our common secret.
The most ironic thing (and probably a big reason why I neglected my personal boundaries) is that they are sensitive to rejection. I suppose such a person and a person with poor boundaries don't form the healthiest of dynamics unless they work on themselves and together to solve the issue.
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Recently discovered that I established rather poor boundaries with a close person because I was afraid to lose them. I've let them become too comfortable and let them get away with too much to the point they were genuinely and kinda negatively surprised when I started setting boundaries. This person didn't wish me harm, on opposite they thought they were helping me by e. g. pushing an uncomfortable topic on me because they thought I had to work it out and they also felt like they can share my secret without asking me first because (I surmise) they assumed it had already become our common secret.
The most ironic thing (and probably a big reason why I neglected my personal boundaries) is that they are sensitive to rejection. I suppose such a person and a person with poor boundaries don't form the healthiest of dynamics unless they work on themselves and together to solve the issue.
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Miss
Im still told by my family that having boundaries is disrespectful. They all think Im going through a rebellious stage for charting my own course and not doing what they want. Ive never been this happy since I stopped letting others step over me. Overdoing it can actually make you sick btw. My mom has had two strokes already from overworking cause to her, saying no to your boss is horrible because you have to marry your job pretty much but if youre too sick to work, then you cant get stuff done and now then what? My mom doesnt understand how a stroke or heart attack should not be taken lightly. It took a long time to put my foot down on others. You can set your boundaries, but you cant control how they react. Its not your job to correct them if they keep breaking said boundary. If they cant respect you, grab those scissors and sever the relationship. Doesnt matter who it is.
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Im still told by my family that having boundaries is disrespectful. They all think Im going through a rebellious stage for charting my own course and not doing what they want. Ive never been this happy since I stopped letting others step over me. Overdoing it can actually make you sick btw. My mom has had two strokes already from overworking cause to her, saying no to your boss is horrible because you have to marry your job pretty much but if youre too sick to work, then you cant get stuff done and now then what? My mom doesnt understand how a stroke or heart attack should not be taken lightly. It took a long time to put my foot down on others. You can set your boundaries, but you cant control how they react. Its not your job to correct them if they keep breaking said boundary. If they cant respect you, grab those scissors and sever the relationship. Doesnt matter who it is.
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animalgal
I am currently working on my boundaries as I don't really value myself and put others way before myself. Probably because of trauma I experienced in school. I had an entire year where I had a teacher in my special needs class who was mentally and emotionally abusive to me on top of being bullied. She told me that I couldn't talk about anything I liked and had to talk about the things others liked (which alot I didn't like at all) she got mad at me for doing poorly in my regular classes and a bunch of stand out events that I won't mention as the comment would be too long but I wouldn't mind telling in replies. It got so bad that I wanted to do the unthinkable and commit self termination. I'm currently in therapy and getting better at setting boundaries. I'm not perfect but I'm working on it.
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I am currently working on my boundaries as I don't really value myself and put others way before myself. Probably because of trauma I experienced in school. I had an entire year where I had a teacher in my special needs class who was mentally and emotionally abusive to me on top of being bullied. She told me that I couldn't talk about anything I liked and had to talk about the things others liked (which alot I didn't like at all) she got mad at me for doing poorly in my regular classes and a bunch of stand out events that I won't mention as the comment would be too long but I wouldn't mind telling in replies. It got so bad that I wanted to do the unthinkable and commit self termination. I'm currently in therapy and getting better at setting boundaries. I'm not perfect but I'm working on it.
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Wayne
Yes, I've been there. I have learned how to set boundaries The biggest problem i had was my stepsister. She was kind to most people but always love doing all sorts of meen things to me. Even when I yell stop, leave me alone! ' she continues doing doing it and she knows I can't take it, and she wonders why I hate her. She would force us into Playing Monopoly with her after we told her No. and she would get angry with us She always insist on being the banker and never lets anyone buy Boardwalk or Park avenue but she gets to buy them and then there's a heated argument over it believing she's the only one with authority and yells at us like Who the hell died and made you King and Queen? She makes the rules and we can't do anything about it because her mother always takes her side.
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Yes, I've been there. I have learned how to set boundaries The biggest problem i had was my stepsister. She was kind to most people but always love doing all sorts of meen things to me. Even when I yell stop, leave me alone! ' she continues doing doing it and she knows I can't take it, and she wonders why I hate her. She would force us into Playing Monopoly with her after we told her No. and she would get angry with us She always insist on being the banker and never lets anyone buy Boardwalk or Park avenue but she gets to buy them and then there's a heated argument over it believing she's the only one with authority and yells at us like Who the hell died and made you King and Queen? She makes the rules and we can't do anything about it because her mother always takes her side.
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xliiiRA
Even though I know I've placed (mostly) healthy boundaries, I still watched to confirm. However, I'll admit there are weaknesses, being that I feel there might be rigidity? There is flexibility. but I guess I'll say it's a tight fit?
What I mean is that I'm super introverted, I know myself, my strength, accepted my flaws, I know what I want, and I know how to be content alone. But those traits also make me have an especially low desire to interact with anyone especially if they have poor character. When does compassion for others cross the. boundary. into being a weakened boundary?
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Even though I know I've placed (mostly) healthy boundaries, I still watched to confirm. However, I'll admit there are weaknesses, being that I feel there might be rigidity? There is flexibility. but I guess I'll say it's a tight fit?
What I mean is that I'm super introverted, I know myself, my strength, accepted my flaws, I know what I want, and I know how to be content alone. But those traits also make me have an especially low desire to interact with anyone especially if they have poor character. When does compassion for others cross the. boundary. into being a weakened boundary?
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Mariana
I'm the kind of person that has been let down so many times that I know what kind of feeling it is, and therefore do not wish others to feel that. However, it is true that perhaps it has come to a point where it is time that I say you know what? I had enough of that and feeling like I need to tick boxes. You don't want to like disappoint people, but it feels as if you're carrying a whole weight, then you start feeling suffocated and suppressed. It comes from a feeling of the inner child wanting recognition/acknowledgment, but also and especially respect.
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I'm the kind of person that has been let down so many times that I know what kind of feeling it is, and therefore do not wish others to feel that. However, it is true that perhaps it has come to a point where it is time that I say you know what? I had enough of that and feeling like I need to tick boxes. You don't want to like disappoint people, but it feels as if you're carrying a whole weight, then you start feeling suffocated and suppressed. It comes from a feeling of the inner child wanting recognition/acknowledgment, but also and especially respect.
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Harmony
I did #4 to my younger sister yesterday while we were getting ready for bed. She said something really rude and apparently didn't know what it meant (No, it was NOT a dirty word. She knows better than to do that) And I got really mad to the point where I couldn't really say anything other than telling her that what she said was rude. Then I decided to remove myself from the situation so I could cool down for a while by getting in the shower (I didn't actually take a shower, I just went in there as a safe space. and she took that personally
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I did #4 to my younger sister yesterday while we were getting ready for bed. She said something really rude and apparently didn't know what it meant (No, it was NOT a dirty word. She knows better than to do that) And I got really mad to the point where I couldn't really say anything other than telling her that what she said was rude. Then I decided to remove myself from the situation so I could cool down for a while by getting in the shower (I didn't actually take a shower, I just went in there as a safe space. and she took that personally
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ChildeOfMalkav
I wonder if you should know is a general issue for people. I know I'm guilty of that, I have a hard time explaining why something feels wrong for me when I don't want the other person to feel bad about their actions, because maybe they just didn't realize it. However, I'm often left wondering too what did I do or say wrong when the reply is you should know. How would I know if they won't tell me? And it really is not about them worrying if I feel bad, they want me to feel bad because they're upset with me.
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I wonder if you should know is a general issue for people. I know I'm guilty of that, I have a hard time explaining why something feels wrong for me when I don't want the other person to feel bad about their actions, because maybe they just didn't realize it. However, I'm often left wondering too what did I do or say wrong when the reply is you should know. How would I know if they won't tell me? And it really is not about them worrying if I feel bad, they want me to feel bad because they're upset with me.
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BigHidd
Still studying this to become a better me. I love how lighthearted your voice is compared to the serious nature of this. I really appreciate these videos because I was never taught how to live properly socially. My boundaries were poor and it honestly brought up childhood memories of my pops giving me those menacingly vague eyes. I never learned to say no because of this feeling of having to fight that person if I say no arises. Thanks Psych2go is all Im saying.
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Still studying this to become a better me. I love how lighthearted your voice is compared to the serious nature of this. I really appreciate these videos because I was never taught how to live properly socially. My boundaries were poor and it honestly brought up childhood memories of my pops giving me those menacingly vague eyes. I never learned to say no because of this feeling of having to fight that person if I say no arises. Thanks Psych2go is all Im saying.
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Sarah
I really love y'all's videos! Been a big fan for a long time. This video's script was really weighed down with formal references to articles, though, and it didn't flow as smoothly as your normal style. I just wanted to suggest, maybe links to the referred articles in your description box would be enough. This felt distractingly full of references to other writers, and felt less like original content as a result.
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I really love y'all's videos! Been a big fan for a long time. This video's script was really weighed down with formal references to articles, though, and it didn't flow as smoothly as your normal style. I just wanted to suggest, maybe links to the referred articles in your description box would be enough. This felt distractingly full of references to other writers, and felt less like original content as a result.
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XxWornOutHoodiexX
this is kinda a vent so just a warning!
at school, ive always been raised to prioritize others. hell, one time we were told to always say yes when boys asked us to dance. (called the teacher out on this then they gaslit us saying they never said that the next day)
im scared i wont be able to make decisions or get taken advantage of in the future.
i dont know what to do
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this is kinda a vent so just a warning!
at school, ive always been raised to prioritize others. hell, one time we were told to always say yes when boys asked us to dance. (called the teacher out on this then they gaslit us saying they never said that the next day)
im scared i wont be able to make decisions or get taken advantage of in the future.
i dont know what to do
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chaz
the thing is, rarely set any boundaries because when i do, people start getting mad at me and make me feel like im a bad person. too many times i only put down like one or two and my friends start freaking out and annoying me half to death trying to justify the things i put my foot down on. i put them down for a reason, im sorry im a person who needs boundaries, yknow?
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the thing is, rarely set any boundaries because when i do, people start getting mad at me and make me feel like im a bad person. too many times i only put down like one or two and my friends start freaking out and annoying me half to death trying to justify the things i put my foot down on. i put them down for a reason, im sorry im a person who needs boundaries, yknow?
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Thunder
I have poor boundaries. Was very very restricted and decisions made for me, to point Im having to learn that its ok for me to be myself and do whatever (no, nothing criminal. I struggle with decision making still and very heavily put my partners needs above my own. Hes making me learn to take care of my needs though
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I have poor boundaries. Was very very restricted and decisions made for me, to point Im having to learn that its ok for me to be myself and do whatever (no, nothing criminal. I struggle with decision making still and very heavily put my partners needs above my own. Hes making me learn to take care of my needs though
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Ethan
It's pretty tough to set up boundaries without being hurtful. But it is also tough when the person chooses to guilt trip you for not responding to their texts. Even if they don't have any malicious intentions, it's still important to be assertive. I just try to be polite about it and sometimes make excuses.
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It's pretty tough to set up boundaries without being hurtful. But it is also tough when the person chooses to guilt trip you for not responding to their texts. Even if they don't have any malicious intentions, it's still important to be assertive. I just try to be polite about it and sometimes make excuses.
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Dragonfruit
Guilt, indecision, you should know, and skewed priorities is what I suffer from. I remember I told my friend my crush and she promised to keep it a secret then she told my crush I liked him. I started crying she said why you so sad. I looked at her mad but ended up forgiving her.
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Guilt, indecision, you should know, and skewed priorities is what I suffer from. I remember I told my friend my crush and she promised to keep it a secret then she told my crush I liked him. I started crying she said why you so sad. I looked at her mad but ended up forgiving her.
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Micah
its just hard for me to keep my boundaries, i once tried to set one abut schoolwork and i got into and argument with the entirety of my friend group and i wouldnt talk to them for a couple days and i decided having someone to talk to was more important than the purpose of the argument
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its just hard for me to keep my boundaries, i once tried to set one abut schoolwork and i got into and argument with the entirety of my friend group and i wouldnt talk to them for a couple days and i decided having someone to talk to was more important than the purpose of the argument
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cushman
I have experienced all of these types of things all the time, i'm working on it now but the people you attract when you'll do anything for them usually aren't good friends, the second you say no they're gone, it's not a healthy way to live or a way to find good people in your life.
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I have experienced all of these types of things all the time, i'm working on it now but the people you attract when you'll do anything for them usually aren't good friends, the second you say no they're gone, it's not a healthy way to live or a way to find good people in your life.
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Kagedovaka
Any tips on how to start setting healthy boundaries per say? Saying no is really hard for me unless I am actually mad at someone or I already promised that same time to someone else already. Or is it just something that will come with time as I work on my sense of self?
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Any tips on how to start setting healthy boundaries per say? Saying no is really hard for me unless I am actually mad at someone or I already promised that same time to someone else already. Or is it just something that will come with time as I work on my sense of self?
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Margo
Started sobbing when bf made me say what I wanted to say but didn't. Wrote it down, cuz I started to dissociate every time thinking of the question I was supposed to answer, sobbed more for the taught of saying what I wanted and when I said it, it wasn't difficult.
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Started sobbing when bf made me say what I wanted to say but didn't. Wrote it down, cuz I started to dissociate every time thinking of the question I was supposed to answer, sobbed more for the taught of saying what I wanted and when I said it, it wasn't difficult.
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Gene
Thank You all at Psych2Go. There are times in retrospection that my worldview did not have a place In my own life, much less anyone beside's me. I stress that my laundry list of occurrences in my own life has helped to open my heart to other experience's.
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Thank You all at Psych2Go. There are times in retrospection that my worldview did not have a place In my own life, much less anyone beside's me. I stress that my laundry list of occurrences in my own life has helped to open my heart to other experience's.
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bell
Im a big time people pleaser. Im very kind. People love me. But I have a bad time at saying no. But Ive gotten better! Ive learned that I have my own personal boundaries and I shouldnt feel bad because people should respect them.
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Im a big time people pleaser. Im very kind. People love me. But I have a bad time at saying no. But Ive gotten better! Ive learned that I have my own personal boundaries and I shouldnt feel bad because people should respect them.
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OrangeCat!
I, think I have poor boundaries.
Like, how could people NOT feel bad when they said no? Maybe like rejecting a request to help someone or saying no to invitations cause I have something more important in my way, etc?
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I, think I have poor boundaries.
Like, how could people NOT feel bad when they said no? Maybe like rejecting a request to help someone or saying no to invitations cause I have something more important in my way, etc?
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Nathan
The you should know one ended one of my relationships, felt good to hear it from a professional even though I wont ever be sorry for being my genuine self with pure intentions. Thank you for help so much on all these videos!
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The you should know one ended one of my relationships, felt good to hear it from a professional even though I wont ever be sorry for being my genuine self with pure intentions. Thank you for help so much on all these videos!
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Eli
I caved in on boundaries and let a woman pity-party me into giving her all of my savings. It is one of the worst mistakes of my life, and one I may never recover from. Don't give people money. They will always ask for more.
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I caved in on boundaries and let a woman pity-party me into giving her all of my savings. It is one of the worst mistakes of my life, and one I may never recover from. Don't give people money. They will always ask for more.
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