4 Things Your Toxic Parents Taught You To Believe
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
Arcade
I always felt i never was perfect enough with my work and always tried more and more (i drew comics online) until i completely forget and even most times just try and hurt myself for it (i did it many times just since i felt i was about to break my ankle but i also did it since i was a masochist) and even would feel terrible and miserable for the things i liked not because of my parents but because of my older brother who would just always show me the things he liked and sometimes even said things like why do you even like _? Or even _ is really boring and annoying you agree dont you? And i thought i always had some sort of wrong answer to something because of him. He even used some plushies to hurt me emotionally more and when i tried to do something about it he would say something like put your hand on them and ill kick you in the guts he would say threats and judged my drawings and art saying it looks poor and bad so i sometimes even hide big ideas and thoughts from him just so that i wouldnt be so forced to scrap them and throw it away from embarrassment and to feel correct he really just made me feel like some sort of (well what he would say) walking pile of meat or idiot he really made me feel terrible and even hurt me physically most of the time and his excuse would mostly be im taking my anger out on you and made me feel like a punching bag.
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I always felt i never was perfect enough with my work and always tried more and more (i drew comics online) until i completely forget and even most times just try and hurt myself for it (i did it many times just since i felt i was about to break my ankle but i also did it since i was a masochist) and even would feel terrible and miserable for the things i liked not because of my parents but because of my older brother who would just always show me the things he liked and sometimes even said things like why do you even like _? Or even _ is really boring and annoying you agree dont you? And i thought i always had some sort of wrong answer to something because of him. He even used some plushies to hurt me emotionally more and when i tried to do something about it he would say something like put your hand on them and ill kick you in the guts he would say threats and judged my drawings and art saying it looks poor and bad so i sometimes even hide big ideas and thoughts from him just so that i wouldnt be so forced to scrap them and throw it away from embarrassment and to feel correct he really just made me feel like some sort of (well what he would say) walking pile of meat or idiot he really made me feel terrible and even hurt me physically most of the time and his excuse would mostly be im taking my anger out on you and made me feel like a punching bag.
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Wayne
Oh boy, Been there and had that happen all through child hood and into early 20s. I could never live up to my father's expectations! He would give me a tough job to and I do my best to do it then he yells at me because it's taking too long and when I work at it faster mistakes are made and he grabs my hair and shakes me while yelling at me! When something was missing I get blamed for it! I just look my father in the eyes and just calmly tell him truthfully that I had nothing to do with it only to get slapped hard and be called a liar! This is the biggest reason he kept me out of school! For years I've wish something would happen to him so I never have to see his ugly face ever again. Finally someone helped me out of that situation and life was getting better. Several years later I hear my father passed away. I didn't mourn him but instead celebrated his passing. He'll have lots to answer for in his final judgement, that's for sure.
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Oh boy, Been there and had that happen all through child hood and into early 20s. I could never live up to my father's expectations! He would give me a tough job to and I do my best to do it then he yells at me because it's taking too long and when I work at it faster mistakes are made and he grabs my hair and shakes me while yelling at me! When something was missing I get blamed for it! I just look my father in the eyes and just calmly tell him truthfully that I had nothing to do with it only to get slapped hard and be called a liar! This is the biggest reason he kept me out of school! For years I've wish something would happen to him so I never have to see his ugly face ever again. Finally someone helped me out of that situation and life was getting better. Several years later I hear my father passed away. I didn't mourn him but instead celebrated his passing. He'll have lots to answer for in his final judgement, that's for sure.
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queen
I have a check on all the 4 things it was impossible to live, at first I was the people pleaser robot forgetting about myself and working too hard to be a good daughter to be loved until I collapsed and burned out and fell into depression, it was hell and I felt completely unable to speak up for myself but actually Ive always been kinda stubborn about that. When I started therapy and entered my healing process I had to change my mindset almost completely, I healed from depression but also got my BPD diagnosis and that made so much sense I was able to know exactly what was going on and what to work on myself. Today Im free from therapy and also starting to get off some medications, there are still some triggers but Ive learned how to manage the situation and see the actual truth behind any toxic thought that would make me feel awful some years ago and Im really happy and proud of myself so yes buddies it can get better!
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I have a check on all the 4 things it was impossible to live, at first I was the people pleaser robot forgetting about myself and working too hard to be a good daughter to be loved until I collapsed and burned out and fell into depression, it was hell and I felt completely unable to speak up for myself but actually Ive always been kinda stubborn about that. When I started therapy and entered my healing process I had to change my mindset almost completely, I healed from depression but also got my BPD diagnosis and that made so much sense I was able to know exactly what was going on and what to work on myself. Today Im free from therapy and also starting to get off some medications, there are still some triggers but Ive learned how to manage the situation and see the actual truth behind any toxic thought that would make me feel awful some years ago and Im really happy and proud of myself so yes buddies it can get better!
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TheFarSideNoob
I love my parents, but as an adult I can recognize how their mental health struggles had an adverse effect on me. Their erratic mixture of loving, neglectful, and abusive behavior meant I spent my childhood in survival mode. I constantly felt the need to have to prove myself to be noticed and loved, while at the same time, I had to keep my head down in order to avoid being the target of abuse.
The result of this trauma has been an unfortunate cocktail of negative behaviors: perfectionism, self-doubt, self-censoring who I am in order to not upset people, and of course, massive trust issues. It's been an uphill battle, but fortunately, both living on my own and finding a circle of people who appreciate and accept me for who I am has been a tremendous help in navigating these obstacles.
And also, you guys have been a huge help too, thank you so much for putting these videos together!
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I love my parents, but as an adult I can recognize how their mental health struggles had an adverse effect on me. Their erratic mixture of loving, neglectful, and abusive behavior meant I spent my childhood in survival mode. I constantly felt the need to have to prove myself to be noticed and loved, while at the same time, I had to keep my head down in order to avoid being the target of abuse.
The result of this trauma has been an unfortunate cocktail of negative behaviors: perfectionism, self-doubt, self-censoring who I am in order to not upset people, and of course, massive trust issues. It's been an uphill battle, but fortunately, both living on my own and finding a circle of people who appreciate and accept me for who I am has been a tremendous help in navigating these obstacles.
And also, you guys have been a huge help too, thank you so much for putting these videos together!
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idk
i feel comfortable in here so ima just say this
my mom and dad, growing up when i did something wrong, they'll be like you ugly bh or i have the most depressed child ever, why are you like this so i always felt as if i need to be someone else in life because i guess being my self wasn't working. Iv'e always felt as i was useless and i found comfort in food, which made me grow fat, my mother would say its time to work out or your wasting my money because of how much you grow, lose weight I shouldn't have been only TEN YEARS OLD looking up how to lose weight. It got to the point when i wanted to take my life with a jump rope, scissors, literally anything that would be able to kill me. I told my mom this and she made me sleep in her room that night, i tried to do it the next day, had to sleep in her room for a month. Moral of the story, i hated my life.
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i feel comfortable in here so ima just say this
my mom and dad, growing up when i did something wrong, they'll be like you ugly bh or i have the most depressed child ever, why are you like this so i always felt as if i need to be someone else in life because i guess being my self wasn't working. Iv'e always felt as i was useless and i found comfort in food, which made me grow fat, my mother would say its time to work out or your wasting my money because of how much you grow, lose weight I shouldn't have been only TEN YEARS OLD looking up how to lose weight. It got to the point when i wanted to take my life with a jump rope, scissors, literally anything that would be able to kill me. I told my mom this and she made me sleep in her room that night, i tried to do it the next day, had to sleep in her room for a month. Moral of the story, i hated my life.
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Meh
I am unsure if my parents exhibit toxic behavior. The article on perfectionism brought back memories of my dad getting upset whenever I received a grade below 80 on a paper or project. He would bombard me with questions and eventually start yelling, blaming certain factors for hindering my learning. When I was younger, I enjoyed playing dress-up with my sister and mom, but things changed when I started attending classes for gifted students. My sister became jealous and my mom placed a lot of pressure on me to perform well in school and avoid failing any tests. Both of my parents placed a strong emphasis on achieving good grades, which made my sister feel less special. My mom also insisted that I wear very feminine clothing, fearing that I would look like a boy if I dressed differently. Even now, she still holds onto this belief, but I don't really mind.
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I am unsure if my parents exhibit toxic behavior. The article on perfectionism brought back memories of my dad getting upset whenever I received a grade below 80 on a paper or project. He would bombard me with questions and eventually start yelling, blaming certain factors for hindering my learning. When I was younger, I enjoyed playing dress-up with my sister and mom, but things changed when I started attending classes for gifted students. My sister became jealous and my mom placed a lot of pressure on me to perform well in school and avoid failing any tests. Both of my parents placed a strong emphasis on achieving good grades, which made my sister feel less special. My mom also insisted that I wear very feminine clothing, fearing that I would look like a boy if I dressed differently. Even now, she still holds onto this belief, but I don't really mind.
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uni
i have some slight effects of 1st and 2nd meanwhile the 3rd one is definitely me. i had a normal childhood when i was in primary school (i'm 13 rn btw) but i was only recognized by people there because of my intelligence and drawing skills, and they even used me for stuff. i didn't realize that back then, but now i know. the only difference is that it wasn't my parents, but the toxic society that i had to survive. but these days, my dad started to judge my grades a bit. You see, i'm neither bad nor good at studies. I got 457 points out of 500 in an exam and even got 3rd place! mom was so happy, but my dad wasn't really. at least instead of scolding, he told me that i could do better. I know that my dad didn't mean anything criticising by that, but still, i feel like i'm not good enough to my dad. Nice video
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i have some slight effects of 1st and 2nd meanwhile the 3rd one is definitely me. i had a normal childhood when i was in primary school (i'm 13 rn btw) but i was only recognized by people there because of my intelligence and drawing skills, and they even used me for stuff. i didn't realize that back then, but now i know. the only difference is that it wasn't my parents, but the toxic society that i had to survive. but these days, my dad started to judge my grades a bit. You see, i'm neither bad nor good at studies. I got 457 points out of 500 in an exam and even got 3rd place! mom was so happy, but my dad wasn't really. at least instead of scolding, he told me that i could do better. I know that my dad didn't mean anything criticising by that, but still, i feel like i'm not good enough to my dad. Nice video
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lerneanlion
Finally! A video that gets me! And while it is not exactly my parents and more of the society in general, I think they might contributed to it too. After all, the punishments such as hitting children while being officially outlawed, it is rarely enforced because some peoples from the older generation believed that it is the best way to make their children good members of the society. And when we objected, they silent us by claiming that they know better by making statements like we bathed the hot water before you kids or you younger generation have no respects for your seniors and traditions or something like that.
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Finally! A video that gets me! And while it is not exactly my parents and more of the society in general, I think they might contributed to it too. After all, the punishments such as hitting children while being officially outlawed, it is rarely enforced because some peoples from the older generation believed that it is the best way to make their children good members of the society. And when we objected, they silent us by claiming that they know better by making statements like we bathed the hot water before you kids or you younger generation have no respects for your seniors and traditions or something like that.
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Kalsam
Both of my parents had been abused in various ways by their own parents as children. And while they had decided to try and not mimic their parents behaviours, they ended up going completely opposite with a highly hands off, but demanding perfection in all ways approach. Resulting in them doing a fair amount of these things to me without realizing it.
I had learned to overcome the Hushed Voices part on my own. But I'm seeing a counsellor atm who recognized I had the other three traits, and is helping me to overcome those now. It's going to take time, but I'll get there, someday.
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Both of my parents had been abused in various ways by their own parents as children. And while they had decided to try and not mimic their parents behaviours, they ended up going completely opposite with a highly hands off, but demanding perfection in all ways approach. Resulting in them doing a fair amount of these things to me without realizing it.
I had learned to overcome the Hushed Voices part on my own. But I'm seeing a counsellor atm who recognized I had the other three traits, and is helping me to overcome those now. It's going to take time, but I'll get there, someday.
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ririlya
Setting the healthy boundaries is the most side effect that affected on me especially on working environment. In 3 different company in a row i suffer where I keep feeling I'm not good enough in my work and keep OT. Eventually it led me to burnout and depressed so bad. Tbh with i notice with my current company had a similar pattern with those 3 company, but thankfully im working from home right now n slow manage to set up healthy boundaries and defending myself whenever some accuse or pointing finger got thrown. It's still draining even though i wfh but wip managing myself
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Setting the healthy boundaries is the most side effect that affected on me especially on working environment. In 3 different company in a row i suffer where I keep feeling I'm not good enough in my work and keep OT. Eventually it led me to burnout and depressed so bad. Tbh with i notice with my current company had a similar pattern with those 3 company, but thankfully im working from home right now n slow manage to set up healthy boundaries and defending myself whenever some accuse or pointing finger got thrown. It's still draining even though i wfh but wip managing myself
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3333
My mom would always tell me to talk to her about my feelings if I was ever emotional but I am always emotional even if I just want to cry but I just cry in silent and never tell my mom because she silences me and I don't ever tell her what I actually feel because she would always say, You have everything in life, a roof over your head, and many other things people would want, so why are you crying! .
Now I have a hard time explaining my feelings and hold back my tears when I want to cry because I was always tought to silence them and never actually show them.
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My mom would always tell me to talk to her about my feelings if I was ever emotional but I am always emotional even if I just want to cry but I just cry in silent and never tell my mom because she silences me and I don't ever tell her what I actually feel because she would always say, You have everything in life, a roof over your head, and many other things people would want, so why are you crying! .
Now I have a hard time explaining my feelings and hold back my tears when I want to cry because I was always tought to silence them and never actually show them.
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Good
I was always taught that everything I do is on purpose and I don't know is never an answer. Lost a paper in the rush to move from class to class in high school? It wasn't because I was rushing according to my stepmother. It's because I'm a bad child. I genuinely struggled throughout high school to the point that in a few classes, I gave up completely. I guess this falls under never enough, but my old stepmother molded me into the failure I am today because she taught me that sentiment and now, I can't start anything new on my own because I'm too hard on myself.
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I was always taught that everything I do is on purpose and I don't know is never an answer. Lost a paper in the rush to move from class to class in high school? It wasn't because I was rushing according to my stepmother. It's because I'm a bad child. I genuinely struggled throughout high school to the point that in a few classes, I gave up completely. I guess this falls under never enough, but my old stepmother molded me into the failure I am today because she taught me that sentiment and now, I can't start anything new on my own because I'm too hard on myself.
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Brittany
I never quite reached the standards I was set, so for the longest time I wholly believed I was unloveable. I understood this as a fundamental truth. But I didnt want to get left behind, so instead I settled for being useful, even if I couldnt be liked.
If i did the unpleasant things no one else wanted to do, they'd keep me, even if they didnt want to.
Now that I'm doing a lot of self work and therapy, I'm working on moving forward from this, amd I have a much healthier relationship with my family. It's not perfect. But it doesnt have to be
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I never quite reached the standards I was set, so for the longest time I wholly believed I was unloveable. I understood this as a fundamental truth. But I didnt want to get left behind, so instead I settled for being useful, even if I couldnt be liked.
If i did the unpleasant things no one else wanted to do, they'd keep me, even if they didnt want to.
Now that I'm doing a lot of self work and therapy, I'm working on moving forward from this, amd I have a much healthier relationship with my family. It's not perfect. But it doesnt have to be
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education
you know what i hate? when parents use love and no ones perfect as a disguise to abuse not only their children, but around everyone associated with them. (small vent down there vvv)
i absolutely despise when my parents, usually specifically my mom, physically, verbally, mentally, and emotionally abuse me, then proceed to say i do everything because i love you. dont get me wrong, everyone makes mistakes. but its obvious that shes doing this on purpose. no mom, im not a demon for getting 7 mistakes on a pretest. im just human. deal with it.
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you know what i hate? when parents use love and no ones perfect as a disguise to abuse not only their children, but around everyone associated with them. (small vent down there vvv)
i absolutely despise when my parents, usually specifically my mom, physically, verbally, mentally, and emotionally abuse me, then proceed to say i do everything because i love you. dont get me wrong, everyone makes mistakes. but its obvious that shes doing this on purpose. no mom, im not a demon for getting 7 mistakes on a pretest. im just human. deal with it.
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Arthur
Mother was extremely angry and abusive. She didn't want me because I was supposed to be a girl. I was her only son and she hated me. She died on the toilet 16 years ago and I realized that she was correct about me. I'm abusive and controlling now and I don't want anyone else to suffer like I did. My mom made sure that I'd grow up miserable and lonely. She got what she wanted. All I want is to die and I won't stop until that day comes. Life is miserable and hard as hell.
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Mother was extremely angry and abusive. She didn't want me because I was supposed to be a girl. I was her only son and she hated me. She died on the toilet 16 years ago and I realized that she was correct about me. I'm abusive and controlling now and I don't want anyone else to suffer like I did. My mom made sure that I'd grow up miserable and lonely. She got what she wanted. All I want is to die and I won't stop until that day comes. Life is miserable and hard as hell.
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Dangerous
What hits hard is that when you've had to deal with this for so long, that the things you do which obviously reflect on this trauma, dont even make sense to YOU. It's almost like your so numb from all the trauma and expectations that every thing or instinct you do feels normal and you choose just start living with it and accept it: (
Sorry if that didn't make sense, I'm not the best at explaining things
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What hits hard is that when you've had to deal with this for so long, that the things you do which obviously reflect on this trauma, dont even make sense to YOU. It's almost like your so numb from all the trauma and expectations that every thing or instinct you do feels normal and you choose just start living with it and accept it: (
Sorry if that didn't make sense, I'm not the best at explaining things
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Tsuki
Welp, Ive been called out: )
Its true. I felt like my opinions didnt matter because I had to fit the standers of my parents. This one time I was on the call with my friend and they heard my parents fighting. They knew what it felt like having parents that always fought for no reason half the time. So I felt better with my friend and not gonna lie Im glad I met her. We are almost the same person at this point
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Welp, Ive been called out: )
Its true. I felt like my opinions didnt matter because I had to fit the standers of my parents. This one time I was on the call with my friend and they heard my parents fighting. They knew what it felt like having parents that always fought for no reason half the time. So I felt better with my friend and not gonna lie Im glad I met her. We are almost the same person at this point
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KillerAiden32
The last one I think my parents taught me by accident, because I know they mean well, but their definition of an argument is ridiculous, if I dare to suggest something or even ask a simple question, they get pissed and shout at me, they pretty much taught me that I should just shut up and not talk at all, and people at school also molded me this way, they'd either ignore me or just tell me to shut up
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The last one I think my parents taught me by accident, because I know they mean well, but their definition of an argument is ridiculous, if I dare to suggest something or even ask a simple question, they get pissed and shout at me, they pretty much taught me that I should just shut up and not talk at all, and people at school also molded me this way, they'd either ignore me or just tell me to shut up
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HaroldtheHardinger
Ive always had these two plushies and I havent been able to get rid of them. I tried putting them up on a shelf and it was fine for a few weeks until I got this feeling that I would die if I didnt have them. Ive had reaccuring dreams and nightmares about losing them in a fire or getting them stolen. I dont know why this is a thing. And Im wondering if maybe it has to do with something else?
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Ive always had these two plushies and I havent been able to get rid of them. I tried putting them up on a shelf and it was fine for a few weeks until I got this feeling that I would die if I didnt have them. Ive had reaccuring dreams and nightmares about losing them in a fire or getting them stolen. I dont know why this is a thing. And Im wondering if maybe it has to do with something else?
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Rediscover
Sadguru once said that if you wanna your kids to be smart then never try to teach anything to them
Fact is our brain keep developing until age 10 so you can mould it in any shape and tou can mess with ot as well.
So best way to keep your environment as good as possible and kids will see and learn.
Telling them to be perfect and not even parents do perfect mess up their mind.
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Sadguru once said that if you wanna your kids to be smart then never try to teach anything to them
Fact is our brain keep developing until age 10 so you can mould it in any shape and tou can mess with ot as well.
So best way to keep your environment as good as possible and kids will see and learn.
Telling them to be perfect and not even parents do perfect mess up their mind.
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ARWINGx1
3: 08 such as that Trust CAN be one-sided, which a bad partner can manipulate. (expecting me to trust my partner without question, and expecting her to reciprocate that trust would be a dealbreaker)
4: 10 Or that No one person are someone else's copy/duplicate. (with the exception of clones. well, maybe. not sure though)
(for one) They don't think exactly as said parent.
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3: 08 such as that Trust CAN be one-sided, which a bad partner can manipulate. (expecting me to trust my partner without question, and expecting her to reciprocate that trust would be a dealbreaker)
4: 10 Or that No one person are someone else's copy/duplicate. (with the exception of clones. well, maybe. not sure though)
(for one) They don't think exactly as said parent.
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Maytal
When you said that parents see you as pets and not people it hit me harder to realize my mom treat me like a manekin like a barbie doll than an actual human being which causes me to hate dresses and girly things because of that not like all other girls is really damage to a person let alone young women.
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When you said that parents see you as pets and not people it hit me harder to realize my mom treat me like a manekin like a barbie doll than an actual human being which causes me to hate dresses and girly things because of that not like all other girls is really damage to a person let alone young women.
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Dominika
All my life I wanted to please my parents, I wanted them to notice me, I did everything to make them love me. Years later, I realized that they were giving me only false hope and I stopped expecting love from them.
As it is my every child deserves parents, not every parent deserves a child
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All my life I wanted to please my parents, I wanted them to notice me, I did everything to make them love me. Years later, I realized that they were giving me only false hope and I stopped expecting love from them.
As it is my every child deserves parents, not every parent deserves a child
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200
Im 13 last year i scored 89%
2 3 days ago she said she want very good marks in hindi - aisa waisa marks nhi
She neant aisa waisa by 89%
By very good marks meant above 95% or above
She did not told it directly but if i scored 60 or something it is understandable but 89
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Im 13 last year i scored 89%
2 3 days ago she said she want very good marks in hindi - aisa waisa marks nhi
She neant aisa waisa by 89%
By very good marks meant above 95% or above
She did not told it directly but if i scored 60 or something it is understandable but 89
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Cai
I'm 17 and my mom says this term to me all the time Almost doesn't count and it hurts every time she says it. I try to tell her that it sounds negative, but she goes back at me saying it's encouraging to her and that I need to stop finding the negative in everything.
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I'm 17 and my mom says this term to me all the time Almost doesn't count and it hurts every time she says it. I try to tell her that it sounds negative, but she goes back at me saying it's encouraging to her and that I need to stop finding the negative in everything.
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