Why You Can't Love Yourself After Trauma
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Date: 2024-08-07
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Comments and reviews: 20
psych2go
I was bullied a lot at school and my mom wasn't a prize at home always critiquing things I couldn't change like my face. She loved my brother and would punish me for his wrong doings. My dad would try and protect me from his bullying as he was 5 years older older me and more developed but my mom would prevent it.
I learned martial arts and took care of my brother and school bullies and learned to defend myself. I even went pro for ten years.
I met the love of my life and she died in an attempt accident. I tried to join her twice and in a weird twist of fate I ended up joining live theatre and am told I've become one of the best leading men in town. But those compliments always come in private and never in a group setting during one of our make shift award ceremonies. For 7 years I'm left standing there while directors of the board call one another or our newest members who haven't done what I done for the company. I brought this up and was told my jokes on social media offend certain people of the group and that I should be more sociable off the stage. This has sent me into a 9 month bout of depression, anxiety, and feeling sorry for myself. It pales incomparison to many other things in my life but it was my outlet and something that gave me purpose and I feel like that has been taken from me. Even if called in the future how can I believe them when for 7 years I've seen people who joined 5, 6, 7 years after me called first I'm still getting big roles but it now feels more like I'm a tool than appreciated.
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I was bullied a lot at school and my mom wasn't a prize at home always critiquing things I couldn't change like my face. She loved my brother and would punish me for his wrong doings. My dad would try and protect me from his bullying as he was 5 years older older me and more developed but my mom would prevent it.
I learned martial arts and took care of my brother and school bullies and learned to defend myself. I even went pro for ten years.
I met the love of my life and she died in an attempt accident. I tried to join her twice and in a weird twist of fate I ended up joining live theatre and am told I've become one of the best leading men in town. But those compliments always come in private and never in a group setting during one of our make shift award ceremonies. For 7 years I'm left standing there while directors of the board call one another or our newest members who haven't done what I done for the company. I brought this up and was told my jokes on social media offend certain people of the group and that I should be more sociable off the stage. This has sent me into a 9 month bout of depression, anxiety, and feeling sorry for myself. It pales incomparison to many other things in my life but it was my outlet and something that gave me purpose and I feel like that has been taken from me. Even if called in the future how can I believe them when for 7 years I've seen people who joined 5, 6, 7 years after me called first I'm still getting big roles but it now feels more like I'm a tool than appreciated.
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theoaremevano3227
One major problem with any kind of self-affirmation or self-reassurance can be seeing such actions as logically unsound, akin to circular reasoning. The logical problem can make any attempt at such actions feel hollow, and result in negative rebuttals that negate any positive effects. Look at you, lying to yourself like this, make-believing in your own mind that any of this is true.
If you're a big fan of rational thought when it comes to society, this logical problem is too easy to see, because the use of such affirmations is so often corrupted by people waging ideological battles. It makes any such action feel hypocritical and potentially harmful if not checked. (See Theramintrees: Weaponizing self-affirmation)
I also feel like there's a tendency to misunderstand what you're meant to be doing for yourself here if you seek external validation and stability. This can get you thinking that what you're doing is giving external validation to yourself, when I get the feeling it's supposed to be a different kind of validation altogether. I haven't figured out what that is, or how it works for myself either; such an idea is still alien to me, but I can kind of see the problems with the current line of thinking at least.
Knowing more about how to logically understand self-affirmation and appreciating internal validation would be nice to hear more about.
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One major problem with any kind of self-affirmation or self-reassurance can be seeing such actions as logically unsound, akin to circular reasoning. The logical problem can make any attempt at such actions feel hollow, and result in negative rebuttals that negate any positive effects. Look at you, lying to yourself like this, make-believing in your own mind that any of this is true.
If you're a big fan of rational thought when it comes to society, this logical problem is too easy to see, because the use of such affirmations is so often corrupted by people waging ideological battles. It makes any such action feel hypocritical and potentially harmful if not checked. (See Theramintrees: Weaponizing self-affirmation)
I also feel like there's a tendency to misunderstand what you're meant to be doing for yourself here if you seek external validation and stability. This can get you thinking that what you're doing is giving external validation to yourself, when I get the feeling it's supposed to be a different kind of validation altogether. I haven't figured out what that is, or how it works for myself either; such an idea is still alien to me, but I can kind of see the problems with the current line of thinking at least.
Knowing more about how to logically understand self-affirmation and appreciating internal validation would be nice to hear more about.
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MegaManNeo
All these points mentioned at the beginning, it fits me well. Both as a kid when my first social experiences past my mother were getting hurt by my father many times and kids bullying me up until I fell into a depression at the age of 15. But also very recently and still sort of ongoing as I'm working in a place for people with disabilities (I have several myself) and highly sensitive people, where I have a department boss for a few years now who has zero empathy and who often pushed his own agenda despite knowing that I still struggle with mama's death shortly before the pandemic began. Thanks to your videos I have figured this guy must be an absolute narcissist and I too heard from colleagues and other employees that they all have similar bad experiences with that person.
Anyhow, all this plays well into my trauma and adds up to a mix which makes it extremely difficult for me personally to like myself. I figured I am okay by now and I too have my hobbies, people like me and so on. Still, I think I serve no purpose in this world and there's no reason why I am even alive. Again, this sounds worse than it is as I actually enjoy my daily life but whenever I try to think and to reflect on this subject, I come to this very conclusion despite having a therapist who is very helpful.
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All these points mentioned at the beginning, it fits me well. Both as a kid when my first social experiences past my mother were getting hurt by my father many times and kids bullying me up until I fell into a depression at the age of 15. But also very recently and still sort of ongoing as I'm working in a place for people with disabilities (I have several myself) and highly sensitive people, where I have a department boss for a few years now who has zero empathy and who often pushed his own agenda despite knowing that I still struggle with mama's death shortly before the pandemic began. Thanks to your videos I have figured this guy must be an absolute narcissist and I too heard from colleagues and other employees that they all have similar bad experiences with that person.
Anyhow, all this plays well into my trauma and adds up to a mix which makes it extremely difficult for me personally to like myself. I figured I am okay by now and I too have my hobbies, people like me and so on. Still, I think I serve no purpose in this world and there's no reason why I am even alive. Again, this sounds worse than it is as I actually enjoy my daily life but whenever I try to think and to reflect on this subject, I come to this very conclusion despite having a therapist who is very helpful.
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siennaprice1351
After my trauma and abuse, I hated every little single thing about myself. I hated myself because I was completely blind. I hated myself because I’m on the autism spectrum. I hated myself because I cry, because I touch everything, because of my stimming. Now, I love myself even though I’m completely blind. I love myself even though I’m on the autism spectrum. I love my stimming, my blind isms, and other things about me. The thing I struggle to love myself with is my CPTSD. I have a hard time loving myself because I cry so easily, and asking for support, or feeling sad, angry, nervous or anxious. I have a hard time allowing myself to touch everything around me. I try to only focus on my strengths and never focus on my weakness. Limiting and restricting myself from just being. That’s the thing I struggle with. And being hatefull toward myself. But hey. You know what, I’ve overcame a lot in my healing. So I can, and I will overcome not liking myself. I’m just happy I don’t hate every single thing about myself like I used to.
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After my trauma and abuse, I hated every little single thing about myself. I hated myself because I was completely blind. I hated myself because I’m on the autism spectrum. I hated myself because I cry, because I touch everything, because of my stimming. Now, I love myself even though I’m completely blind. I love myself even though I’m on the autism spectrum. I love my stimming, my blind isms, and other things about me. The thing I struggle to love myself with is my CPTSD. I have a hard time loving myself because I cry so easily, and asking for support, or feeling sad, angry, nervous or anxious. I have a hard time allowing myself to touch everything around me. I try to only focus on my strengths and never focus on my weakness. Limiting and restricting myself from just being. That’s the thing I struggle with. And being hatefull toward myself. But hey. You know what, I’ve overcame a lot in my healing. So I can, and I will overcome not liking myself. I’m just happy I don’t hate every single thing about myself like I used to.
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JohnDoe-hl8id
I’ve watched so many of your videos crying in bed, in the middle of the night. When talking with my friends, I can smile and laugh but by myself I’m just bored or sad. My parents definitely didn’t help. When I was younger, I asked a simple question, why can my older brother stay up later than me And by some means, an argument sprouted between my parents. Only a few days after that, they announced that they were having a divorce. And for years after that I thought that I had something to do with it. I would cry and my mom would tell me that I’m Just too sensitive and to grow up. I didn’t look how I wanted to look. And I didn’t have the motivation or determination to explore my passions. All I could do was play video games and savior that small hit of dopamine after doing anything significant, go back to bed after a long hard day of nothing productive and do it again tomorrow. So far the only thing that’s changed is the fact that 8th grade starts
Edit: after 5 minutes, I’m no longer crying, thanks Psych!
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I’ve watched so many of your videos crying in bed, in the middle of the night. When talking with my friends, I can smile and laugh but by myself I’m just bored or sad. My parents definitely didn’t help. When I was younger, I asked a simple question, why can my older brother stay up later than me And by some means, an argument sprouted between my parents. Only a few days after that, they announced that they were having a divorce. And for years after that I thought that I had something to do with it. I would cry and my mom would tell me that I’m Just too sensitive and to grow up. I didn’t look how I wanted to look. And I didn’t have the motivation or determination to explore my passions. All I could do was play video games and savior that small hit of dopamine after doing anything significant, go back to bed after a long hard day of nothing productive and do it again tomorrow. So far the only thing that’s changed is the fact that 8th grade starts
Edit: after 5 minutes, I’m no longer crying, thanks Psych!
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blueblurbabe
Almost cried watching this, clicked it as soon as I saw it. I've been through some tough stuff, we all probably have, but this last tough thing I went through is taking a lot longer to heal from than usual, almost been a year. I can't help but feel defective, nothings wrong anymore, so why can't I make my feelings match reality That must mean somethings wrong with me right I know logically I'd be a lot easier on someone else going through what I'm going through, so why am I so mean to myself Everyone says be gentler with yourself but I'm so scared of becoming complacent or lazy, and the only motivator I know works for me as guilt. I wanna get better, and I'm trying to be proud and celebrate small stuff, but trying to fake it until I make it makes me wanna cry everytime. I don't wanna die or anything, but it feels like my only coping mechanisms are sleeping, crying, or shutting down. I hope anyone that resonates with this knows they're not alone and that we'll get through this, even if we don't believe it yet.
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Almost cried watching this, clicked it as soon as I saw it. I've been through some tough stuff, we all probably have, but this last tough thing I went through is taking a lot longer to heal from than usual, almost been a year. I can't help but feel defective, nothings wrong anymore, so why can't I make my feelings match reality That must mean somethings wrong with me right I know logically I'd be a lot easier on someone else going through what I'm going through, so why am I so mean to myself Everyone says be gentler with yourself but I'm so scared of becoming complacent or lazy, and the only motivator I know works for me as guilt. I wanna get better, and I'm trying to be proud and celebrate small stuff, but trying to fake it until I make it makes me wanna cry everytime. I don't wanna die or anything, but it feels like my only coping mechanisms are sleeping, crying, or shutting down. I hope anyone that resonates with this knows they're not alone and that we'll get through this, even if we don't believe it yet.
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jasonhernandez619
It said that what is traumatizing to one person may not be to another. I was raised in a spanking family -- not abusive the way abuse is normally defined; just the socially acceptable spanking. My parents even made a point of following the rules of thumb that supposedly make spanking not harmful -- the ones that, for example, Dr Larzelere advocates in some of his research.
That trauma deeply affected me. Healing took well over a decade, and do you know why Zero support. If I had been talking about abuse, I'm sure that I would have had plenty of support from lots of people. But because I was talking specifically about socially acceptable, non-abusive spanking, I was basically told by everyone that I had no right to have been traumatized by it.
Familiar scene: being in a room full of people, all of whom are in favor of spanking, yet all of whom are under the impression that most people are against spanking. And they can't see the disconnect.
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It said that what is traumatizing to one person may not be to another. I was raised in a spanking family -- not abusive the way abuse is normally defined; just the socially acceptable spanking. My parents even made a point of following the rules of thumb that supposedly make spanking not harmful -- the ones that, for example, Dr Larzelere advocates in some of his research.
That trauma deeply affected me. Healing took well over a decade, and do you know why Zero support. If I had been talking about abuse, I'm sure that I would have had plenty of support from lots of people. But because I was talking specifically about socially acceptable, non-abusive spanking, I was basically told by everyone that I had no right to have been traumatized by it.
Familiar scene: being in a room full of people, all of whom are in favor of spanking, yet all of whom are under the impression that most people are against spanking. And they can't see the disconnect.
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psych2go
Learning to love who you are after trauma can take years and that’s okay. Some of the things that helped me process trauma and rebuild self-love included:
- therapy
- journaling every single thing I felt no matter how incoherent it seemed
- setting self-love goals
- EMDR
- binaural beats
- having my appearance reflect my inner self
- setting boundaries
- learning to let go of hate towards those who hurt me
- take care of my physical health
- understanding that just because someone doesn’t see my worth doesn’t mean everyone feels the same. The right people will see your true value
Life is going to knock you down, but what’s important is not letting it keep you down. Healing is healing, no matter how big or small it may seem and allowing yourself to heal and feel loved is how you get back up
reply
Learning to love who you are after trauma can take years and that’s okay. Some of the things that helped me process trauma and rebuild self-love included:
- therapy
- journaling every single thing I felt no matter how incoherent it seemed
- setting self-love goals
- EMDR
- binaural beats
- having my appearance reflect my inner self
- setting boundaries
- learning to let go of hate towards those who hurt me
- take care of my physical health
- understanding that just because someone doesn’t see my worth doesn’t mean everyone feels the same. The right people will see your true value
Life is going to knock you down, but what’s important is not letting it keep you down. Healing is healing, no matter how big or small it may seem and allowing yourself to heal and feel loved is how you get back up
reply
psych2go
Learning to love who you are after trauma can take years and that’s okay. Some of the things that helped me process trauma and rebuild self-love included:
- therapy
- journaling every single thing I felt no matter how incoherent it seemed
- setting self-love goals
- EMDR
- binaural beats
- having my appearance reflect my inner self
- setting boundaries
- learning to let go of hate towards those who hurt me
- take care of my physical health
- understanding that just because someone doesn’t see my worth doesn’t mean everyone feels the same. The right people will see your true value
Life is going to knock you down, but what’s important is not letting it keep you down. Healing is healing, no matter how big or small it may seem and allowing yourself to heal and feel loved is how you get back up
reply
Learning to love who you are after trauma can take years and that’s okay. Some of the things that helped me process trauma and rebuild self-love included:
- therapy
- journaling every single thing I felt no matter how incoherent it seemed
- setting self-love goals
- EMDR
- binaural beats
- having my appearance reflect my inner self
- setting boundaries
- learning to let go of hate towards those who hurt me
- take care of my physical health
- understanding that just because someone doesn’t see my worth doesn’t mean everyone feels the same. The right people will see your true value
Life is going to knock you down, but what’s important is not letting it keep you down. Healing is healing, no matter how big or small it may seem and allowing yourself to heal and feel loved is how you get back up
reply
fasehah3391
I would say I haven't gone through as intense of a traumatic experience as those in this comment section (love yall btw.
But I do have hard time unlearning emotional neglect. Trying to give myself some grace has been nothing short of a pain in the behind because everything I feel triggered, I would spiral back down.
Whenever I get upset at my partner, I shut down and try my best to just swallow those feelings, in fear of being abandoned. He caught on to this, and he always stayed until I felt okay enough to talk.
You didn't deserve your trauma and there's no sugar coating that it hurts. Find yourself in that haystack hun, you're always gonna be a someone us. Each and every piece of you thats broken is so loved. You exude love. You are love. Hugs and tea for everyone hurting
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I would say I haven't gone through as intense of a traumatic experience as those in this comment section (love yall btw.
But I do have hard time unlearning emotional neglect. Trying to give myself some grace has been nothing short of a pain in the behind because everything I feel triggered, I would spiral back down.
Whenever I get upset at my partner, I shut down and try my best to just swallow those feelings, in fear of being abandoned. He caught on to this, and he always stayed until I felt okay enough to talk.
You didn't deserve your trauma and there's no sugar coating that it hurts. Find yourself in that haystack hun, you're always gonna be a someone us. Each and every piece of you thats broken is so loved. You exude love. You are love. Hugs and tea for everyone hurting
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relaxathon4281
I need some advice guys
My girlfriends dad got shot in front of her and he died in front of her December last year in 2023. I love and I don't want to lose her but she's become disrespectful towards me. This other day she called me crying and I was asking how can I help you make you stop crying and she said can you bring my father back and she even threatened to cheat on me because she said she hates me and men because the person that shot her father was a man. She's distant and she hangs out with the wrong people going to places for parties and sleepovers.
Guys I love her I don't want to leave because I care and I don't want to leave when things are at her worst but also I'm just hesitant Becuase she is around the wrong crowd.
Anyone please help
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I need some advice guys
My girlfriends dad got shot in front of her and he died in front of her December last year in 2023. I love and I don't want to lose her but she's become disrespectful towards me. This other day she called me crying and I was asking how can I help you make you stop crying and she said can you bring my father back and she even threatened to cheat on me because she said she hates me and men because the person that shot her father was a man. She's distant and she hangs out with the wrong people going to places for parties and sleepovers.
Guys I love her I don't want to leave because I care and I don't want to leave when things are at her worst but also I'm just hesitant Becuase she is around the wrong crowd.
Anyone please help
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psych2go
I have tons of trauma that I go through on the daily but today’s trauma my snake died I was getting his mouse out and talking to him came over misted his plants and just saw him didn’t look right didn’t flick his tongue didn’t care about me talking to him. My heart sank and then having to tell each one of my three kids when they woke up individually I have bad news that Slippy didn’t make it and he died, .out of nowhere hurt every time there’s a big empty space on the counter and it’s just a reminder and I thought I was gonna have a good day today too but tomorrow will bring different trauma. Good thing I try to relieve other peoples and I’m strong because I keep moving forward.
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I have tons of trauma that I go through on the daily but today’s trauma my snake died I was getting his mouse out and talking to him came over misted his plants and just saw him didn’t look right didn’t flick his tongue didn’t care about me talking to him. My heart sank and then having to tell each one of my three kids when they woke up individually I have bad news that Slippy didn’t make it and he died, .out of nowhere hurt every time there’s a big empty space on the counter and it’s just a reminder and I thought I was gonna have a good day today too but tomorrow will bring different trauma. Good thing I try to relieve other peoples and I’m strong because I keep moving forward.
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aerodylluk2543
It's been 2 years since my divorce. I am still unable to actually care about myself. I have a girlfriend who is awesome, I do my job well, but anything other than those things I genuinely find I don't see the point. If the only benefit of not doing something than numbs the pain is that it will make me live longer, I would ask you why you think thats a bad thing. This is a truly awful way to live and I have absolutely no idea how to snap out of it. How some people can just fix themselves is beyond me. I've been actively trying to fix myself for 2 years and it seems like you just 'wake up' one day. Or you don't. It doesn't feel like you can actually have any control over it.
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It's been 2 years since my divorce. I am still unable to actually care about myself. I have a girlfriend who is awesome, I do my job well, but anything other than those things I genuinely find I don't see the point. If the only benefit of not doing something than numbs the pain is that it will make me live longer, I would ask you why you think thats a bad thing. This is a truly awful way to live and I have absolutely no idea how to snap out of it. How some people can just fix themselves is beyond me. I've been actively trying to fix myself for 2 years and it seems like you just 'wake up' one day. Or you don't. It doesn't feel like you can actually have any control over it.
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dubencomihaela746
From growing up watching and listening to parents fighting to getting bullied in Elementary school for being weird and different and even now not having the best relations with classmates and still being really hard for me to make friends really impacted me and made me think I was the problem, I hated it, I just wanned peoples to like me, it got so bad at one point I wanned to end it all. Yet somehow, somehow I'm now doing better, I learned to be more comfortable with myself.
I wouldn't say I'm fully healed but I'm doing much better than when I was before
(I know its long but I had to get it off my chest, thanks for reading)
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From growing up watching and listening to parents fighting to getting bullied in Elementary school for being weird and different and even now not having the best relations with classmates and still being really hard for me to make friends really impacted me and made me think I was the problem, I hated it, I just wanned peoples to like me, it got so bad at one point I wanned to end it all. Yet somehow, somehow I'm now doing better, I learned to be more comfortable with myself.
I wouldn't say I'm fully healed but I'm doing much better than when I was before
(I know its long but I had to get it off my chest, thanks for reading)
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Rafsanul_Haq_9
Self love is the best love
Self-validation is the best validation.
Edit: Many people can't practice self-validation. Self-validation means accepting yourself as you are. People will judge you based on their personal biases, values, and beliefs. Their judgment of you is subjective and varies from person to person. Try to validate yourself by reflecting on your inner qualities. Say to yourself things like, I am an honest and courageous person because I accept my mental problems honestly without lying to myself, and I am working to overcome them. Remember that you deserve love regardless of people's judgment about you.
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Self love is the best love
Self-validation is the best validation.
Edit: Many people can't practice self-validation. Self-validation means accepting yourself as you are. People will judge you based on their personal biases, values, and beliefs. Their judgment of you is subjective and varies from person to person. Try to validate yourself by reflecting on your inner qualities. Say to yourself things like, I am an honest and courageous person because I accept my mental problems honestly without lying to myself, and I am working to overcome them. Remember that you deserve love regardless of people's judgment about you.
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psych2go
I had super high expectations from my parents as a child. I was often treated poorly and punished severely to impose discipline. I've struggled to love myself because the bar always kept getting higher, no matter what. Where I was at was never enough, I had to keep climbing higher. It wasn't until high school I started to be satisfied with who I was, and then I realized I had more to do. I could never stop, I was taught essentially if I stop I die, and I've struggled with being social ever since.
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I had super high expectations from my parents as a child. I was often treated poorly and punished severely to impose discipline. I've struggled to love myself because the bar always kept getting higher, no matter what. Where I was at was never enough, I had to keep climbing higher. It wasn't until high school I started to be satisfied with who I was, and then I realized I had more to do. I could never stop, I was taught essentially if I stop I die, and I've struggled with being social ever since.
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Vishfeast
You usually can’t heal from trauma because you’re caught in the same loop that’s causing it. Your shame or guilt is probably coming from the series of events that you regret that you didn’t stop yourself from doing. It’s that inner voice in your head, that you say oh well next time or giving yourself excuses. These loops can keep you from healing. So what ever you know you don’t have the inner strength to say no to yourself anymore, those are the things you gotta work on.
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You usually can’t heal from trauma because you’re caught in the same loop that’s causing it. Your shame or guilt is probably coming from the series of events that you regret that you didn’t stop yourself from doing. It’s that inner voice in your head, that you say oh well next time or giving yourself excuses. These loops can keep you from healing. So what ever you know you don’t have the inner strength to say no to yourself anymore, those are the things you gotta work on.
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VValkyr
Videos like that always make me realize just how outright sadistic I am towards my own self. Like, all the tips in the video simply won't work, because I keep my own head mentally with the shoe to the ground, not even giving myself a glimmer of hope to get better and like myself, and even with time, or attempts at self care and what not, telling myself that I am okay or Its okay not to be okay, I instead weaponize it against me. It is truly a viscious cycle.
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Videos like that always make me realize just how outright sadistic I am towards my own self. Like, all the tips in the video simply won't work, because I keep my own head mentally with the shoe to the ground, not even giving myself a glimmer of hope to get better and like myself, and even with time, or attempts at self care and what not, telling myself that I am okay or Its okay not to be okay, I instead weaponize it against me. It is truly a viscious cycle.
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Oceane1803
Yeah honestly, I've been mentally abused by my parents and now I sometimes feel worthless and like I can't accommplish anything.
But I've been slowly but surely healing these past two years, and I actually started to write the first episode of my future series.
I can't animate or anything, but the fact that I actually started writing the script is a good first step, especially for me.
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Yeah honestly, I've been mentally abused by my parents and now I sometimes feel worthless and like I can't accommplish anything.
But I've been slowly but surely healing these past two years, and I actually started to write the first episode of my future series.
I can't animate or anything, but the fact that I actually started writing the script is a good first step, especially for me.
reply
eugenekrabs3837
Please explain why people are deserving of love and you say a person isn't their trauma but this is untrue we as humans are defined by our experiences and how we deal with them is this not correct And explain how someone can be gentle with themselves when they don't have a clue on how to do that your advice sounds good but isn't applicable in the real world feel free to respond
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Please explain why people are deserving of love and you say a person isn't their trauma but this is untrue we as humans are defined by our experiences and how we deal with them is this not correct And explain how someone can be gentle with themselves when they don't have a clue on how to do that your advice sounds good but isn't applicable in the real world feel free to respond
reply
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