Why Intimacy Feels So Hard (5 Types Explained)
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Date: 2026-10-28
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Comments and reviews: 20
lostcausenothing
I feel we're reaching a point where people don't want to actually engage in social activities. They rather watch people do said activities on the screen or assume everything on the screen is fact. This isn't on topic with the video, also I know not everyone is just lazily excepting everything told to them. I don't really look into things a lot or do the research most of the time, I'm not smart in general. I guess I'm just trying to understand why most people now adopt a celebrity mindset. I know everyone shouldn't just give special treatment nor treat others like they're nothing. I don't know what Im typing to say at this point I'm just rambling. I have been alone with my thoughts for too long with nothing to quiet them so I just rot in bed and watch videos and play games, or desperately trying to find someone to talk to here yet everyone is apparently an introvert that only communicates through text. No one wants to progressively get to the point of being close. Not everyone has the luxury to simply teleport to their friend. I'm just ended up complaining about something I've been desperately whining about for God knows how long. I'm sadly about to be in my thirties in a few years. I don't want to be alone in silence forever. Sorry I'm really sorry I don't think therapy, counseling, or whatever is going to help. I should've been put into a insane asylum years ago, then gotten lobotomized so I couldn't process having thoughts and emotions.
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I feel we're reaching a point where people don't want to actually engage in social activities. They rather watch people do said activities on the screen or assume everything on the screen is fact. This isn't on topic with the video, also I know not everyone is just lazily excepting everything told to them. I don't really look into things a lot or do the research most of the time, I'm not smart in general. I guess I'm just trying to understand why most people now adopt a celebrity mindset. I know everyone shouldn't just give special treatment nor treat others like they're nothing. I don't know what Im typing to say at this point I'm just rambling. I have been alone with my thoughts for too long with nothing to quiet them so I just rot in bed and watch videos and play games, or desperately trying to find someone to talk to here yet everyone is apparently an introvert that only communicates through text. No one wants to progressively get to the point of being close. Not everyone has the luxury to simply teleport to their friend. I'm just ended up complaining about something I've been desperately whining about for God knows how long. I'm sadly about to be in my thirties in a few years. I don't want to be alone in silence forever. Sorry I'm really sorry I don't think therapy, counseling, or whatever is going to help. I should've been put into a insane asylum years ago, then gotten lobotomized so I couldn't process having thoughts and emotions.
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urbro123508
For me, with added cptsd from multiple early deaths one even being my mother at sixteen and i was the one that found her, four years ago my gf passed away. We knew she had a terminal heart that estimated at age twenty five, which we met online when she was twenty so us being countries apart i thought i could at least save for a trip there or at the very least bring her to america to see if our clinics could help in anyway, but four years ago i randomly got no messages for a month. These were two people that were each other’s lifeline and a whole month i was nonstop messaging, until one morning at two a. m. i got a long paragraph from her friend explaining they were sorry it happened but she had a stroke that put her in a weekend coma and her parents pulled the plug and my gf telling them about us knew but took her a month to get the phone from the parents. Since then i asked maybe 3 people, even being somewhat open about poly, but the um. missing her i guess, kinda makes me ever wonder if i would ever find anybody or the fact i would never find someone like her (in kindness and so on) ever.
Like i said its been four going on five years now and it doesnt really get easier, but felt more like what ever comes up comes up, dont feel like searching anymore
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For me, with added cptsd from multiple early deaths one even being my mother at sixteen and i was the one that found her, four years ago my gf passed away. We knew she had a terminal heart that estimated at age twenty five, which we met online when she was twenty so us being countries apart i thought i could at least save for a trip there or at the very least bring her to america to see if our clinics could help in anyway, but four years ago i randomly got no messages for a month. These were two people that were each other’s lifeline and a whole month i was nonstop messaging, until one morning at two a. m. i got a long paragraph from her friend explaining they were sorry it happened but she had a stroke that put her in a weekend coma and her parents pulled the plug and my gf telling them about us knew but took her a month to get the phone from the parents. Since then i asked maybe 3 people, even being somewhat open about poly, but the um. missing her i guess, kinda makes me ever wonder if i would ever find anybody or the fact i would never find someone like her (in kindness and so on) ever.
Like i said its been four going on five years now and it doesnt really get easier, but felt more like what ever comes up comes up, dont feel like searching anymore
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KanadeYoisaki-n3j
It's like craving your fears.
You want it but there this small What If stuck in your head and the close you get the louder it gets until it shuts you down.
You know when you had it you felt safe secure and not alone. But that time has passed. And your afraid to try again because of what it takes to get there. Because of past experiences.
I crave the times where a hug was just reaching out my arms when resting my head on their shoulder was Soothing.
I've moved on but I don't belive I'll get that again. It takes time to become to become physically intimate with someone (hugs) I know that. But I don't want the resentment from not getting that right from the start. The urge so have it all the time would split us apart.
I want to be vulnerable to people say that not everythings ok and I need help. But it's hard after being turned away all the time. Guess my dad Male Ego is rubbing off in a bad way.
I can't even accept help from teachers when I am failing and very obviously need it. And I know it's one of my only ways of passing the subject.
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It's like craving your fears.
You want it but there this small What If stuck in your head and the close you get the louder it gets until it shuts you down.
You know when you had it you felt safe secure and not alone. But that time has passed. And your afraid to try again because of what it takes to get there. Because of past experiences.
I crave the times where a hug was just reaching out my arms when resting my head on their shoulder was Soothing.
I've moved on but I don't belive I'll get that again. It takes time to become to become physically intimate with someone (hugs) I know that. But I don't want the resentment from not getting that right from the start. The urge so have it all the time would split us apart.
I want to be vulnerable to people say that not everythings ok and I need help. But it's hard after being turned away all the time. Guess my dad Male Ego is rubbing off in a bad way.
I can't even accept help from teachers when I am failing and very obviously need it. And I know it's one of my only ways of passing the subject.
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Blake3795_YouTube
I need serious help. My girlfriend broke up with me sadly yet I'm emotionally numb and I can't cry I also try to hide myself from everyone. I don't want to live anymore I know I shouldn't say that but I've been hurt 5 times yes I've had 5 exes. Yes I hide my true emotions but I don't know who I am anymore also I've realized I'm getting more shaky since my girlfriend broke up with me I literally am sorry for myself I can't even love anyone anymore I literally am stuck in a void nobody understands, I have PTSD and ADHD and I'm pretty sure I'm definitely depressed and I have bad social anxiety and bad anxiety over all I also try to depend on someone but I just get hurt like that I also need my personal space and I don't find love as something that I can ever show again.
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I need serious help. My girlfriend broke up with me sadly yet I'm emotionally numb and I can't cry I also try to hide myself from everyone. I don't want to live anymore I know I shouldn't say that but I've been hurt 5 times yes I've had 5 exes. Yes I hide my true emotions but I don't know who I am anymore also I've realized I'm getting more shaky since my girlfriend broke up with me I literally am sorry for myself I can't even love anyone anymore I literally am stuck in a void nobody understands, I have PTSD and ADHD and I'm pretty sure I'm definitely depressed and I have bad social anxiety and bad anxiety over all I also try to depend on someone but I just get hurt like that I also need my personal space and I don't find love as something that I can ever show again.
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zeal. mahogany
I know this is unrelated
But I feel really bad. my parents won't get me tested for ADHD and they think all these mental health problems don't exist or are rather created by the patient themselves. and I'm ADHD likely. I'm having some symptoms of it but I have absolutely no official diagnosis. It's so problematic because I'm at the peak moment of my life where I have to take a competitive exam in 2 months and I can't focus on studying. if I fail, they'll drive me to death. they keep taunting me all day and if I try to study, I just can't focus. I feel so utterly alone
Why the hell do I have this issue. Why! If I hadn't had this, it wouldn't have caused so much hindrance at such a peak time. I feel so utterly lost that I want to unalive myself
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I know this is unrelated
But I feel really bad. my parents won't get me tested for ADHD and they think all these mental health problems don't exist or are rather created by the patient themselves. and I'm ADHD likely. I'm having some symptoms of it but I have absolutely no official diagnosis. It's so problematic because I'm at the peak moment of my life where I have to take a competitive exam in 2 months and I can't focus on studying. if I fail, they'll drive me to death. they keep taunting me all day and if I try to study, I just can't focus. I feel so utterly alone
Why the hell do I have this issue. Why! If I hadn't had this, it wouldn't have caused so much hindrance at such a peak time. I feel so utterly lost that I want to unalive myself
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InnerPsychologyTV
3: 24 is the one that got me: Sharing your thoughts without fear. Laurenceau, Barrett and Pietromonaco (1998) had people keep diaries of their daily conversations, and what made a talk feel intimate wasn't only how much someone opened up. It was whether they felt the other person actually understood and cared. So staying quiet with an idea often isn't shyness. It's a read on whether it will land. That fits 4: 34 too: It's not so much intimacy that scares people. It's being seen. For the quieter ones here, which of the five is hardest for you
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3: 24 is the one that got me: Sharing your thoughts without fear. Laurenceau, Barrett and Pietromonaco (1998) had people keep diaries of their daily conversations, and what made a talk feel intimate wasn't only how much someone opened up. It was whether they felt the other person actually understood and cared. So staying quiet with an idea often isn't shyness. It's a read on whether it will land. That fits 4: 34 too: It's not so much intimacy that scares people. It's being seen. For the quieter ones here, which of the five is hardest for you
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psych2go
The line if intimacy isn't about getting closer, but about feeling safe stopped me cold at my age I've learned that the hard way. And it's not so much intimacy that scares people, it's being seen. I've been sitting with that question you left us with, which type of intimacy feels unsafe and where did I learn that. Just noticing really is a step forward. Thank you for putting this into words so gently these are exactly the kinds of truths that remind me why I share gentle stories for life's second half. This one will stay with me for a while.
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The line if intimacy isn't about getting closer, but about feeling safe stopped me cold at my age I've learned that the hard way. And it's not so much intimacy that scares people, it's being seen. I've been sitting with that question you left us with, which type of intimacy feels unsafe and where did I learn that. Just noticing really is a step forward. Thank you for putting this into words so gently these are exactly the kinds of truths that remind me why I share gentle stories for life's second half. This one will stay with me for a while.
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Conradist
Men are rarely at the receiving end of emotional intimacy. You're not allowed to be that weak. Intellectual intimacy is non existent in this time of reaction dictates everything and if you're not with me then you're against me personally ultimatum. Only if you reach Mensa, can you let out anything. Because everyday people hate other people who are more intellectual than them, so they won't give you a time to process your thoughts. When you're ready, the next subject is already on it's way.
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Men are rarely at the receiving end of emotional intimacy. You're not allowed to be that weak. Intellectual intimacy is non existent in this time of reaction dictates everything and if you're not with me then you're against me personally ultimatum. Only if you reach Mensa, can you let out anything. Because everyday people hate other people who are more intellectual than them, so they won't give you a time to process your thoughts. When you're ready, the next subject is already on it's way.
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WheelForce
2: 16 or freeze.
Actually, intellectual intimacy is a term I never heard before, but it describes pretty well something I've been through. I never knew how to explain it properly, so every time I tried to approach it the conversation took a different turn. And the rest of the time I blamed myself for being unable to describe it precisely. This isn't my only intimacy struggle (I won't start listing everything this time, but that's a major one for me.
Have a good day. :)
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2: 16 or freeze.
Actually, intellectual intimacy is a term I never heard before, but it describes pretty well something I've been through. I never knew how to explain it properly, so every time I tried to approach it the conversation took a different turn. And the rest of the time I blamed myself for being unable to describe it precisely. This isn't my only intimacy struggle (I won't start listing everything this time, but that's a major one for me.
Have a good day. :)
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Captainclump1
Haven't actually dated anyone in 10 years, haven't slept with anyone in 8. I honestly haven't had a genuine hug with someone I actually care about in years. I don't know what's wrong with me because the second someone opens up to me or shows interest, I just get mad and move away even though I genuinely want connection. Maybe it's time for a therapist but I really don't want to be medicated again. (this is just my little vent session)
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Haven't actually dated anyone in 10 years, haven't slept with anyone in 8. I honestly haven't had a genuine hug with someone I actually care about in years. I don't know what's wrong with me because the second someone opens up to me or shows interest, I just get mad and move away even though I genuinely want connection. Maybe it's time for a therapist but I really don't want to be medicated again. (this is just my little vent session)
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aaaaashhhl
I think the bit that hit me was most intimacy struggles aren't about not wanting connection. I thought I just didn't want closeness, but I was keeping people at arm's length because being seen felt like the risky part. The idea that we crave the exact kind of closeness that makes us most uncomfortable explains a lot. It's not intimacy that scares people, it's being seen, and that's worth asking about.
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I think the bit that hit me was most intimacy struggles aren't about not wanting connection. I thought I just didn't want closeness, but I was keeping people at arm's length because being seen felt like the risky part. The idea that we crave the exact kind of closeness that makes us most uncomfortable explains a lot. It's not intimacy that scares people, it's being seen, and that's worth asking about.
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Phillyphan07
I’m 19 and I’m used to not having anyone outside of family (and even then I still don’t feel a lot of closeness. But if I complain the response will probably be (oh you’re still young. But the thing is what are the chances of meeting someone when I already expect to always be alone (like I’m rejecting myself bf anyone else can. Idk, maybe I’m just complaining to complain.
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I’m 19 and I’m used to not having anyone outside of family (and even then I still don’t feel a lot of closeness. But if I complain the response will probably be (oh you’re still young. But the thing is what are the chances of meeting someone when I already expect to always be alone (like I’m rejecting myself bf anyone else can. Idk, maybe I’m just complaining to complain.
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psych2go
The part about deflecting with humor hit me personally whenever a conversation with my friends gets a little too deep, I automatically crack a joke to keep it light instead of admitting I'm not okay. Knowing that's my nervous system treating vulnerability as unsafe, rather than me just being distant, actually makes me want to practice saying I'm not okay out loud more often.
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The part about deflecting with humor hit me personally whenever a conversation with my friends gets a little too deep, I automatically crack a joke to keep it light instead of admitting I'm not okay. Knowing that's my nervous system treating vulnerability as unsafe, rather than me just being distant, actually makes me want to practice saying I'm not okay out loud more often.
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IntimacyCode-b3c
Some people don’t fear intimacy because they’ve been hurt; they fear it because real intimacy exposes who they truly are. It’s easy to crave love when it’s distant, but when someone gets close enough to see your flaws, insecurities, and fears, suddenly you want space. So be honest: do people really want love, or do they just want the feeling of being wanted
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Some people don’t fear intimacy because they’ve been hurt; they fear it because real intimacy exposes who they truly are. It’s easy to crave love when it’s distant, but when someone gets close enough to see your flaws, insecurities, and fears, suddenly you want space. So be honest: do people really want love, or do they just want the feeling of being wanted
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Randomprodeluxe
I knew the first one would resonate deepest with me when I heard it.
I can't go 5 minutes around people I know without falling back to the personality I crafted for them, and it makes getting their help so hard, because I don't want to burden them with my own problems when they have their own and I can deal with mine mostly fine.
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I knew the first one would resonate deepest with me when I heard it.
I can't go 5 minutes around people I know without falling back to the personality I crafted for them, and it makes getting their help so hard, because I don't want to burden them with my own problems when they have their own and I can deal with mine mostly fine.
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HearbeatsZAcademy
Intimacy difficulties are far more common than most people admit, and breaking the topic into understandable types gives people language for feelings they often carry silently. Psychology content handled with this much care helps normalise seeking support. Thoughtful, warm and genuinely useful for anyone navigating relationships.
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Intimacy difficulties are far more common than most people admit, and breaking the topic into understandable types gives people language for feelings they often carry silently. Psychology content handled with this much care helps normalise seeking support. Thoughtful, warm and genuinely useful for anyone navigating relationships.
reply
mokieYT
So I got 5 out of 5. Do I win a prize
Kidding aside, I realized I give out all of these kinds of intimacies to people. But I never receive my own. I don’t blame them though, I never really ask for my needs. Though it is kinda lonely that I can get close to people’s hearts but no one can get close to mine. This was very insightful.
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So I got 5 out of 5. Do I win a prize
Kidding aside, I realized I give out all of these kinds of intimacies to people. But I never receive my own. I don’t blame them though, I never really ask for my needs. Though it is kinda lonely that I can get close to people’s hearts but no one can get close to mine. This was very insightful.
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yourartbozo47
I've seen my mom struggle with her toxic partner (my dad who's narcissistic and emotionally unavailable) and I'm an SA survivor as well. I've recently got into a relationship and still struggling with intimacy I hope I'll be able to overcome this gradually in the coming future for a better chance at life, to rewire myself anew.
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I've seen my mom struggle with her toxic partner (my dad who's narcissistic and emotionally unavailable) and I'm an SA survivor as well. I've recently got into a relationship and still struggling with intimacy I hope I'll be able to overcome this gradually in the coming future for a better chance at life, to rewire myself anew.
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yupellenn
If you have a fear of attachment and a fear of falling in love again, and of experiencing loss and pain again, I feel like I reject, shy away from, and avoid commitment, even if I love the partner. I'm afraid of loss or death, of anything being ruined, and of going back to the pain again. What should I do about these thoughts
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If you have a fear of attachment and a fear of falling in love again, and of experiencing loss and pain again, I feel like I reject, shy away from, and avoid commitment, even if I love the partner. I'm afraid of loss or death, of anything being ruined, and of going back to the pain again. What should I do about these thoughts
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psych2go
The fear of intimacy is usually just the nervous system trying to protect us from a replay of past emotional pain. We crave closeness, but our subconscious equates vulnerability with danger. True connection only happens when we realize that building a wall to keep out being hurt also keeps out being truly seen.
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The fear of intimacy is usually just the nervous system trying to protect us from a replay of past emotional pain. We crave closeness, but our subconscious equates vulnerability with danger. True connection only happens when we realize that building a wall to keep out being hurt also keeps out being truly seen.
reply
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