Ghosting: The Missed Warning in the Back of the Dating Manual
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
AllOuttaEnemies
I have ghosted a lot of people. Often times people think that I am into them. And don't seem to listen to me when I set goals and expectations for our relationship. They seem to think because I am not angry or yelling at them that I am somehow receptive to their advances. Which causes me a great deal of frustration, because if they actually listened to what it is that I am saying then they would have understood. Furthermore, life is often very unmanageable for me so I simply don't have the energy to engage with people. When I am struggling to put food on the table.
Also, I keep a point system on everyone that I think will engage in a relationship with me. And when someone gains enough points, especially if we are in a relationship, I will walk away from the relationship. No matter how painful it is. So when someone tells you they are uncomfortable or that they dont like something. You should probably follow-up on it. You are not entitled to another person's respect or time, just like they aren't required to drag you to an understanding. People have to protect themselves first and foremost; my priority is that I am first priority.
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I have ghosted a lot of people. Often times people think that I am into them. And don't seem to listen to me when I set goals and expectations for our relationship. They seem to think because I am not angry or yelling at them that I am somehow receptive to their advances. Which causes me a great deal of frustration, because if they actually listened to what it is that I am saying then they would have understood. Furthermore, life is often very unmanageable for me so I simply don't have the energy to engage with people. When I am struggling to put food on the table.
Also, I keep a point system on everyone that I think will engage in a relationship with me. And when someone gains enough points, especially if we are in a relationship, I will walk away from the relationship. No matter how painful it is. So when someone tells you they are uncomfortable or that they dont like something. You should probably follow-up on it. You are not entitled to another person's respect or time, just like they aren't required to drag you to an understanding. People have to protect themselves first and foremost; my priority is that I am first priority.
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Kenzie
One of my ex's; the one I first fell truly in love with. Broke up with me; no explanation and then ghosted me for a whole month. Then came back for awhile, only to leave again. This has been ongoing since 2012! He would go away for a year, find me somehow online, be in my life again for 6 months to a year and then leave without warning again. Then he ghosted me from 2015-2017. Came back for 6 months and then never came around again till last year in July. Stuck around for a month. and on my Birthday (July 31st) he said Happy Birthday. Hope you have a good day. I still love you and that was the last I heard from him. He up and left on my birthday last year. Here we are. Over a year later and nothing. I even had my best friend text him last year and he never responded. It never ends. He promised not to go this time and he did. He kept saying he still loved me. and this is why I wouldn't let my guard down. Not completely anyway. And maybe he knew that. And realized he couldn't sink his claws into me anymore. He left one too many times.
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One of my ex's; the one I first fell truly in love with. Broke up with me; no explanation and then ghosted me for a whole month. Then came back for awhile, only to leave again. This has been ongoing since 2012! He would go away for a year, find me somehow online, be in my life again for 6 months to a year and then leave without warning again. Then he ghosted me from 2015-2017. Came back for 6 months and then never came around again till last year in July. Stuck around for a month. and on my Birthday (July 31st) he said Happy Birthday. Hope you have a good day. I still love you and that was the last I heard from him. He up and left on my birthday last year. Here we are. Over a year later and nothing. I even had my best friend text him last year and he never responded. It never ends. He promised not to go this time and he did. He kept saying he still loved me. and this is why I wouldn't let my guard down. Not completely anyway. And maybe he knew that. And realized he couldn't sink his claws into me anymore. He left one too many times.
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Alice
I was ghosted by a family friend who I had known for 15 years. He secretly liked me and friend zoned himself without me even knowing. I thought we were platonic friends because I was young and naive. The ghosting hurt. And it only made me grateful how my first boyfriend whom has also hurt me a lot during the 7 months we dated but he actually did a fantastic job at ending the relationship. He actually communicated and was NOT afraid of conflicts. I was not at all happy with him breaking up with me but he did the best he could to end things well with me. Now looking back, that first boyfriend was a role model at how to end a relationship properly. I didnt pick the right guy to be my first boyfriend. We were never meant to last and he saw the fact before me. He was merciful to the end and genuinely thought and told me I would find someone better. I am so grateful that he didnt ghost me, unlike the 15 year guy friend who secretly liked me.
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I was ghosted by a family friend who I had known for 15 years. He secretly liked me and friend zoned himself without me even knowing. I thought we were platonic friends because I was young and naive. The ghosting hurt. And it only made me grateful how my first boyfriend whom has also hurt me a lot during the 7 months we dated but he actually did a fantastic job at ending the relationship. He actually communicated and was NOT afraid of conflicts. I was not at all happy with him breaking up with me but he did the best he could to end things well with me. Now looking back, that first boyfriend was a role model at how to end a relationship properly. I didnt pick the right guy to be my first boyfriend. We were never meant to last and he saw the fact before me. He was merciful to the end and genuinely thought and told me I would find someone better. I am so grateful that he didnt ghost me, unlike the 15 year guy friend who secretly liked me.
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Ethan
I 'ghosted' a friend of about 7 months.
We've had a great time together and shared views.
However it became apparent that he was a narcissist and wouldn't want to change.
I read people. I saw a small boy in an otherwise charismatic well looking man.
I wanted to help as the 'savior' but over time as his behavior became more manipulative towards me and the occasional confrontation I understood that I had to let him go.
It was not because of one simple action but of the way he was, behaved and didn't listen (to me or his inner self.
It was because his very energy (as I sense them) was too dark and was like venom.
I held on till I couldn't because I am true to myself.
Usually I give an explanation but this time I did not.
Part of the reason is because he deserved it, neither did he deserve an explanation.
Also because of the fact that narcis will most likely deflect that they have problems.
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I 'ghosted' a friend of about 7 months.
We've had a great time together and shared views.
However it became apparent that he was a narcissist and wouldn't want to change.
I read people. I saw a small boy in an otherwise charismatic well looking man.
I wanted to help as the 'savior' but over time as his behavior became more manipulative towards me and the occasional confrontation I understood that I had to let him go.
It was not because of one simple action but of the way he was, behaved and didn't listen (to me or his inner self.
It was because his very energy (as I sense them) was too dark and was like venom.
I held on till I couldn't because I am true to myself.
Usually I give an explanation but this time I did not.
Part of the reason is because he deserved it, neither did he deserve an explanation.
Also because of the fact that narcis will most likely deflect that they have problems.
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Ralphie
After two years, of what I now see as a toxic relationship, she ghosted me on my birthday. I didnt really know what to think at first. My texts and calls wont go through, cant find her on any social media. I go to her house and she isn't there. Avoiding me. After two years of verbal and emotional abuse, why would she leave me the correct way. With no reason or closure, I have yet to know why. Mutual friends say she has moved on. And occasionally a letter will appear, saying it was my fault. and gloating about hows she is happy. She has proven that she can still abuse and control me from outside a relationship. therapist says I now have severe abandonment PTSD. It's been a couple years now. I'm still traumatized.
Ghosting is still prevalent in the numerous relationships I've tried to find throughout these years. Always ending the same way. vanishing. Left wondering why I'm not good enough.
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After two years, of what I now see as a toxic relationship, she ghosted me on my birthday. I didnt really know what to think at first. My texts and calls wont go through, cant find her on any social media. I go to her house and she isn't there. Avoiding me. After two years of verbal and emotional abuse, why would she leave me the correct way. With no reason or closure, I have yet to know why. Mutual friends say she has moved on. And occasionally a letter will appear, saying it was my fault. and gloating about hows she is happy. She has proven that she can still abuse and control me from outside a relationship. therapist says I now have severe abandonment PTSD. It's been a couple years now. I'm still traumatized.
Ghosting is still prevalent in the numerous relationships I've tried to find throughout these years. Always ending the same way. vanishing. Left wondering why I'm not good enough.
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ill
Honestly I just got ghosted like 98% sure. It's been 6 weeks they went through a lot of family loss in a month and I really try to be understanding of that. But I've never been ghosted before and when I say I've experienced every emotion possible its an understatement. Everything was genuinely going so well. Didn't get to see each other for a little over a month because of her work but I was very patient. The thing that hurts the most is having to come to terms with everything ever said felt like a Lie. I would have never hurt her in any form and still wouldn't. I wish I got to communicate more it could have been avoided. maybe. I finally cared about another person. Everything she said and did was perfect to me. All I want is a few words. I just want to know why or what is happening. Still picking up the pieces, and trying to move on but I don't understand what I did.
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Honestly I just got ghosted like 98% sure. It's been 6 weeks they went through a lot of family loss in a month and I really try to be understanding of that. But I've never been ghosted before and when I say I've experienced every emotion possible its an understatement. Everything was genuinely going so well. Didn't get to see each other for a little over a month because of her work but I was very patient. The thing that hurts the most is having to come to terms with everything ever said felt like a Lie. I would have never hurt her in any form and still wouldn't. I wish I got to communicate more it could have been avoided. maybe. I finally cared about another person. Everything she said and did was perfect to me. All I want is a few words. I just want to know why or what is happening. Still picking up the pieces, and trying to move on but I don't understand what I did.
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education
I was ghosted. I doubted myself n it hurt my self worth. I reached out to get closer because we where getting to know one another on and off for about a year had a lot in common. but they didnt believe-in ghosting ppl but they ghosted me and I wanted to get closer. After 2 attempts I finally got closer I wanted they came back apologizing and I gave them forgiveness. I was thinking things changed. We reconnected they got me deep level again and then left me in dark hold after two half months of reconnecting and saying they wanted to b w me I was worth it but they werent looking to date after saying and wanting me in there life. They gave me silent treatment several times hurt me and made me doubt myself overthink more than ever. I cant ever forget the trauma it caused me. It hurt so much that I fear things.
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I was ghosted. I doubted myself n it hurt my self worth. I reached out to get closer because we where getting to know one another on and off for about a year had a lot in common. but they didnt believe-in ghosting ppl but they ghosted me and I wanted to get closer. After 2 attempts I finally got closer I wanted they came back apologizing and I gave them forgiveness. I was thinking things changed. We reconnected they got me deep level again and then left me in dark hold after two half months of reconnecting and saying they wanted to b w me I was worth it but they werent looking to date after saying and wanting me in there life. They gave me silent treatment several times hurt me and made me doubt myself overthink more than ever. I cant ever forget the trauma it caused me. It hurt so much that I fear things.
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rrqqt. y
Not all people ghost out of selfishness, I shut out everyone every time my perfectionism and anxiety spirals out of control because I dont want them to see my ugly side. Its obviously not okay but you have to understand its hard to communicate something you dont understand yourself. I take a period of time out to understand where Im headed in life and self reflect in silence. Ive lived with perfectionism since I was 14, and I didnt even know until recently when it disabled me from seeing a future for myself or even a future with anyone so the easiest option is to run away but it only creates more problems I have to deal with alone. Not everyone is confident and it destroys many relationships they worked so hard to build. Bottom line: Theres two sides to the story.
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Not all people ghost out of selfishness, I shut out everyone every time my perfectionism and anxiety spirals out of control because I dont want them to see my ugly side. Its obviously not okay but you have to understand its hard to communicate something you dont understand yourself. I take a period of time out to understand where Im headed in life and self reflect in silence. Ive lived with perfectionism since I was 14, and I didnt even know until recently when it disabled me from seeing a future for myself or even a future with anyone so the easiest option is to run away but it only creates more problems I have to deal with alone. Not everyone is confident and it destroys many relationships they worked so hard to build. Bottom line: Theres two sides to the story.
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George
I was just ghosted recently. Felt like a shotgun to the chest. I started to look at attachment styles and found out that she was a dismissive avoidant type of person. Basically what happened was things were well and I sent her flowers. At that point she ghosted me. What I found out is that she became uncomfortable or overwhelmed with the emotions involved. This cause her to associate the love I manifested with the type of love she grew up knowing. That in turned caused her to react in the only way she knew to react, to separate herself from what was the cause of the unpleasant feelings. I had no idea until I started to look into attachment styles.
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I was just ghosted recently. Felt like a shotgun to the chest. I started to look at attachment styles and found out that she was a dismissive avoidant type of person. Basically what happened was things were well and I sent her flowers. At that point she ghosted me. What I found out is that she became uncomfortable or overwhelmed with the emotions involved. This cause her to associate the love I manifested with the type of love she grew up knowing. That in turned caused her to react in the only way she knew to react, to separate herself from what was the cause of the unpleasant feelings. I had no idea until I started to look into attachment styles.
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Sophia
The bloke I was dating for 8 months ghosted me. My mates were shocked because they thought we were so in love with each other. I also thought the same. Even the grocery shopping was kinda painful to me. So many memories. I cried out of nowhere. One time, when I was alone, I had a breakdown. Broken hearted on quarantine was devastating. I attempted to reach him but he just ignored me. I still sent him the gifts I kept waiting to give them for Christmas and his Birthday. I do not want to regret anything. I told myself to guard my heart more. 2021 is two months away and most people have TRUST ISSUES. It's okay. There is one for every one.
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The bloke I was dating for 8 months ghosted me. My mates were shocked because they thought we were so in love with each other. I also thought the same. Even the grocery shopping was kinda painful to me. So many memories. I cried out of nowhere. One time, when I was alone, I had a breakdown. Broken hearted on quarantine was devastating. I attempted to reach him but he just ignored me. I still sent him the gifts I kept waiting to give them for Christmas and his Birthday. I do not want to regret anything. I told myself to guard my heart more. 2021 is two months away and most people have TRUST ISSUES. It's okay. There is one for every one.
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Alice
I have only been ghosted by one person in my entire life by someone I least expected. He was a family friend, he friend zoned himself but I was young and naive so I genuinely believed we were just friends. He ghosted me right after I dated my first boyfriend. I have known the ghoster from 15 years and been close friends for four! I didnt realize he was this toxic until the ghosting. I cared for him as a friend. But not anymore. I definitely overestimated him. I truly dont believe he would be a good boyfriend or husband for ANYONE, not just me. He seriously lack communication skills! AND hes a coward.
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I have only been ghosted by one person in my entire life by someone I least expected. He was a family friend, he friend zoned himself but I was young and naive so I genuinely believed we were just friends. He ghosted me right after I dated my first boyfriend. I have known the ghoster from 15 years and been close friends for four! I didnt realize he was this toxic until the ghosting. I cared for him as a friend. But not anymore. I definitely overestimated him. I truly dont believe he would be a good boyfriend or husband for ANYONE, not just me. He seriously lack communication skills! AND hes a coward.
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GalaxyEkat
Ive just been ghosted by my year and a half boyfriend! Just one day he stopped responding to my texts and wouldnt answer my calls. I could see him online playing games, but he would never answer me no matter how much I begged to hear from him. I sent him a break up text today (I wouldve called or tried to meet in person but like I said I was ghosted) I feel self conscious and guilty as if I did something wrong. Just know that youre not in the wrong, someone ghosting you is not fair to you. Its not fair that you wont hear an answer from them.
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Ive just been ghosted by my year and a half boyfriend! Just one day he stopped responding to my texts and wouldnt answer my calls. I could see him online playing games, but he would never answer me no matter how much I begged to hear from him. I sent him a break up text today (I wouldve called or tried to meet in person but like I said I was ghosted) I feel self conscious and guilty as if I did something wrong. Just know that youre not in the wrong, someone ghosting you is not fair to you. Its not fair that you wont hear an answer from them.
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Ashley
I ghosted my ex and he finally texted me today. He cursed me out I could tell he was hurt. I apologized I took full responsibility and accountability and finally told him hes not what Im looking for. I could tell it bothered him and he was expecting me to beg for him or us to get back together but I told him I dont see us ever getting back together. He got one thing going on as well as I myself but Im trying to grow from what we have. We have a dull relationship. I know I might get dragged for this comment but Im just being honest.
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I ghosted my ex and he finally texted me today. He cursed me out I could tell he was hurt. I apologized I took full responsibility and accountability and finally told him hes not what Im looking for. I could tell it bothered him and he was expecting me to beg for him or us to get back together but I told him I dont see us ever getting back together. He got one thing going on as well as I myself but Im trying to grow from what we have. We have a dull relationship. I know I might get dragged for this comment but Im just being honest.
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EL
Literally just had it happen after talking and dating about 2 months. And randomly, 2 days before valentine's day, she cuts me off. Wont respond whatsoever. I never was anything but nice, and all I asked was she just say shes no longer interested. And it'll be all good. Shit, even tell me im ugly or you found someone else. Its crazy, how women say they are soo different, and how much they care about you lol and have the nerve to just cut you off. For good. Its almost as bad as cheating
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Literally just had it happen after talking and dating about 2 months. And randomly, 2 days before valentine's day, she cuts me off. Wont respond whatsoever. I never was anything but nice, and all I asked was she just say shes no longer interested. And it'll be all good. Shit, even tell me im ugly or you found someone else. Its crazy, how women say they are soo different, and how much they care about you lol and have the nerve to just cut you off. For good. Its almost as bad as cheating
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Silja
I gosted my first boyfriend. I couldn't sleep for an half year, so I tried to work it out. Now we are friends. To be honest, I hated myself for doing this, but I was so afraid of were this relationship could turn and the end of it, that I had to stop it there. Of cause, there are many better ways to break up, but I couldn't face him, cause I knew, that I wouldn't be strong enough to break up while seeing his face. Please, try not to hate the ghoster. For me it was more hurtfull.
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I gosted my first boyfriend. I couldn't sleep for an half year, so I tried to work it out. Now we are friends. To be honest, I hated myself for doing this, but I was so afraid of were this relationship could turn and the end of it, that I had to stop it there. Of cause, there are many better ways to break up, but I couldn't face him, cause I knew, that I wouldn't be strong enough to break up while seeing his face. Please, try not to hate the ghoster. For me it was more hurtfull.
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David
The people I ghosted, are not victims of ghosting. They were toxic and abusive, although it took me some time to realize it they were like that. And they know for sure why I ghosted them. No doubt about that. So no need to explain it again in another conversation that is leading to nowhere. So for me, it's not a heartless or coward thing. And yes, I've been ghosted to and I guess they had also their reasons. And it sometimes better not to know them.
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The people I ghosted, are not victims of ghosting. They were toxic and abusive, although it took me some time to realize it they were like that. And they know for sure why I ghosted them. No doubt about that. So no need to explain it again in another conversation that is leading to nowhere. So for me, it's not a heartless or coward thing. And yes, I've been ghosted to and I guess they had also their reasons. And it sometimes better not to know them.
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Somali
I want to confess. I gosted my boyfriend for half day and realized that I really loved him. I did that as I got hurt, hate etc from my relatives, friends etc whom I loved and helped many times. I thought he was also a playboy or something. But then he contacted with me and started crying. I realized how much he loved me. He didn't curse me or anything but tried to learn about my anxiety, depression. Then we patched up. And he is really nice guy.
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I want to confess. I gosted my boyfriend for half day and realized that I really loved him. I did that as I got hurt, hate etc from my relatives, friends etc whom I loved and helped many times. I thought he was also a playboy or something. But then he contacted with me and started crying. I realized how much he loved me. He didn't curse me or anything but tried to learn about my anxiety, depression. Then we patched up. And he is really nice guy.
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Odin
I am currently ghosting a girl I spoke with constantly for weeks. She told me she had a long-distance boyfriend a few days in. I should have left immediately once I heard that. We continued talking sometimes to 3am and built a genuine connection. I came to the conclusion a few days ago that she was using me for attention while her bf is gone. Is that a valid reason to ghost? Before seeing the comments I never realized the implications
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I am currently ghosting a girl I spoke with constantly for weeks. She told me she had a long-distance boyfriend a few days in. I should have left immediately once I heard that. We continued talking sometimes to 3am and built a genuine connection. I came to the conclusion a few days ago that she was using me for attention while her bf is gone. Is that a valid reason to ghost? Before seeing the comments I never realized the implications
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Jorge
Ive got ghosted by a girl I met on a dating app, we were about to have our third date and she bought tickets to a ballet event, I was so excited because it was the first time I date someone in years because constantly I struggle with severe anxiety and depression, we were both happy and suddenly she started acting cold and next she doesnt reply back, right now Im feeling so awful in think my progress on depression is going backwards
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Ive got ghosted by a girl I met on a dating app, we were about to have our third date and she bought tickets to a ballet event, I was so excited because it was the first time I date someone in years because constantly I struggle with severe anxiety and depression, we were both happy and suddenly she started acting cold and next she doesnt reply back, right now Im feeling so awful in think my progress on depression is going backwards
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Matthew
It's shocking, but it's enlightening and opens up a new model of precedence and being able to adapt quickly to that is no easy feat. I wonder if it was something I did that was not fun or enjoyable for the other and feel disappointed if that's the case they wouldn't just tell me to work on it or not to do what it was at all. Coping mechanisms shouldn't involve using other people to make someone else jealous, or as an experiment.
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It's shocking, but it's enlightening and opens up a new model of precedence and being able to adapt quickly to that is no easy feat. I wonder if it was something I did that was not fun or enjoyable for the other and feel disappointed if that's the case they wouldn't just tell me to work on it or not to do what it was at all. Coping mechanisms shouldn't involve using other people to make someone else jealous, or as an experiment.
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Boss
Reading a lot of comments and majority of them blaming those who ghost them, have you ever thought why they ghosted you? You might have been toxic to them or you didn't care how they felt. I ghost my girlfriend because she just doesn't care about me or any of my feelings, I'm clinically depressed and anxious on almost everything and since she doesn't care, I decided not to care as well, I need to take care of myself.
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Reading a lot of comments and majority of them blaming those who ghost them, have you ever thought why they ghosted you? You might have been toxic to them or you didn't care how they felt. I ghost my girlfriend because she just doesn't care about me or any of my feelings, I'm clinically depressed and anxious on almost everything and since she doesn't care, I decided not to care as well, I need to take care of myself.
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Anna
There is no excuse for ghosting, if you're anxious and don't like people getting to close let them know ahead of time so they can choose if they want to continue the relationship. Too many people making excuses for ghosting. Its not ok to get what you want out of relationship and throw people away after your done. If you ever ghosted, your a piece of shit person period, there's no excuse but death or physical abuse.
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There is no excuse for ghosting, if you're anxious and don't like people getting to close let them know ahead of time so they can choose if they want to continue the relationship. Too many people making excuses for ghosting. Its not ok to get what you want out of relationship and throw people away after your done. If you ever ghosted, your a piece of shit person period, there's no excuse but death or physical abuse.
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Ray
My ex was a narcissist and abused me severely and I ghosted his ass and I am very sad that I had to do it its extremely painful it hurts every second of every day.
He used my childhood trauma to hurt me every chance he got and he cheated on me repeatedly and he lied to me repeatedly. My therapist ordered a no contact order and I have not once broken it nor will I ever. What he did to me was appalling.
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My ex was a narcissist and abused me severely and I ghosted his ass and I am very sad that I had to do it its extremely painful it hurts every second of every day.
He used my childhood trauma to hurt me every chance he got and he cheated on me repeatedly and he lied to me repeatedly. My therapist ordered a no contact order and I have not once broken it nor will I ever. What he did to me was appalling.
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Kelly
I never knew what it meant until about a month ago. I guess I'm a victim of it, I just called it abandonment. It's been 10 months and I'm still trying to heal. Don't understand why, everything was great. I was abandoned right after the lift of quarantine. Sorta hate to say it but our quarantine together was the best part of him n I. Still miss everything about you CC, I hope your doing well
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I never knew what it meant until about a month ago. I guess I'm a victim of it, I just called it abandonment. It's been 10 months and I'm still trying to heal. Don't understand why, everything was great. I was abandoned right after the lift of quarantine. Sorta hate to say it but our quarantine together was the best part of him n I. Still miss everything about you CC, I hope your doing well
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Peter
Good old one, though, I needed some explanation of the concept, so thanks. Anyway, I don't know if it counts if I just feel like I cannot say anything more to someone, to say after just being over a few texts. Considering that I've been forgotten in starting relationships several times lately, I'd say it isn't. OK, at least a 'sorry but we don't really match' would be appropriate, I agree.
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Good old one, though, I needed some explanation of the concept, so thanks. Anyway, I don't know if it counts if I just feel like I cannot say anything more to someone, to say after just being over a few texts. Considering that I've been forgotten in starting relationships several times lately, I'd say it isn't. OK, at least a 'sorry but we don't really match' would be appropriate, I agree.
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