5 Do's and Dont's of Dealing with Other's Mental Illness
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A little elaboration on tip 4 Never assume you know how they feel, even if you have the same mental illness and/or went through the same event. Everyone experiences trauma and everyday negativity (or positivity for that matter) differently, and what may seem like no big deal to you, may be a unbearable/exciting/etc to someone else. Never tell anyone you know exactly how they feel, because you dont. Be attentive make eye contact (not continuous eye contact. that is uncomfortable, lean in, let them know youre listening by saying things like, oh no, really, hmm, etc, and nod your head/shake your head, raise your eyebrows (if positive smile while you do this, and if negative dont. Ask them how it effected them USE open-ended questions (questions that require more than a yes or no, and VALIDATE THEM WITH NO JUDGEMENT! Make sure you understand what they are saying or feeling ask questions like, let me make sure I understand what you just said so they said this (repeat what they said) and you felt this way (repeat the feelings they said, if they didnt clarify a feeling, then ask after they did that. it seems like you felt. am I right, and ask them what happened next. then you can think of a time where you had SIMILAR feelings try to meet them where they are. Furthermore, dont just tell them about that time when you think you had similar emotions/thoughts/etc Validate them! Then tell them they are not alone. ASK can you share a time when you feel like you felt similar to that, and if they say no, then dont share. Let them finish what they said and make sure they have fully vented their emotions. DONT GIVE ADVICE UNLESS THEY ASK! Just listen! A lot of the time they only want to be heard and arent asking you to fix it they have psychiatrist and/or therapist that try to fix them just listen and validate.
Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 24
Christine
My wife just says she doesn't understand. I told her when I feel this way I will let you know and all I need is a hug and tell me you love me. I feel as though I have made it as easy as possible. But then she says she shouldn't have to reassure me. I've stuck with her thru 3 heart attacks eyesight loss for 18 months and she is currently getting ready for open heart surgery. I wasn't always anxious but these circumstances have created me to anxious. Of course I don't tell her that. I do all I can to deal with my own problems because it never seems like a good time to talk about it. She always has something more difficult to deal with than myself. I am trying to protect her. I don't ask for much help but I r3cently did ask her for help and sadly I could see the frustration on her face and her telling me that when she notices I am anxious she feels that she just needs to give me space and stay away. I really honestly feel like she is taking the easy road when she does this. Yet I am with her through all her ups and downs and all the issues a type 1 diabetic has. I feel sorry for her but recently I've been feeling sorry for myself and was very sad and depressed. i have now told myself never to bring up my insecure feelings ND just push them down deep or pray to God to help you with the feelings of darkness, loneliness and not being good enough. I just can't deal with opening up and her being frustrated by it and saying I have bad timing.
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My wife just says she doesn't understand. I told her when I feel this way I will let you know and all I need is a hug and tell me you love me. I feel as though I have made it as easy as possible. But then she says she shouldn't have to reassure me. I've stuck with her thru 3 heart attacks eyesight loss for 18 months and she is currently getting ready for open heart surgery. I wasn't always anxious but these circumstances have created me to anxious. Of course I don't tell her that. I do all I can to deal with my own problems because it never seems like a good time to talk about it. She always has something more difficult to deal with than myself. I am trying to protect her. I don't ask for much help but I r3cently did ask her for help and sadly I could see the frustration on her face and her telling me that when she notices I am anxious she feels that she just needs to give me space and stay away. I really honestly feel like she is taking the easy road when she does this. Yet I am with her through all her ups and downs and all the issues a type 1 diabetic has. I feel sorry for her but recently I've been feeling sorry for myself and was very sad and depressed. i have now told myself never to bring up my insecure feelings ND just push them down deep or pray to God to help you with the feelings of darkness, loneliness and not being good enough. I just can't deal with opening up and her being frustrated by it and saying I have bad timing.
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education
As a person with a shit ton of mental health issues and taking a mountain of pill bottles a day, I feel qualified to critique this:
Tip 1: this will not work most of the time because when we are upset, how you feel is not exactly our priority at the time so be pissed or not all you want
Tip 2: it depends on your situation sometimes, but some people are traumatized from trusting people and getting that trust broken. It is advised to show you care, but dont be butt hurt when you find out we still dont trust you very much
Tip 3: I agree with this one, but dont let our issues be an excuse to get out of shit. Like yeah I want to die everyday, but I have shit to do. I dont care how sad or miserable that person is with their mental health, get their ass up because they still have stuff to do.
Tip 4: I agree with this one, but just know theres such thing as trauma bonding
Tip 5: I have mixed feelings on this one.
No these arent pessimistic answers. Negativity and reality are two different things
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As a person with a shit ton of mental health issues and taking a mountain of pill bottles a day, I feel qualified to critique this:
Tip 1: this will not work most of the time because when we are upset, how you feel is not exactly our priority at the time so be pissed or not all you want
Tip 2: it depends on your situation sometimes, but some people are traumatized from trusting people and getting that trust broken. It is advised to show you care, but dont be butt hurt when you find out we still dont trust you very much
Tip 3: I agree with this one, but dont let our issues be an excuse to get out of shit. Like yeah I want to die everyday, but I have shit to do. I dont care how sad or miserable that person is with their mental health, get their ass up because they still have stuff to do.
Tip 4: I agree with this one, but just know theres such thing as trauma bonding
Tip 5: I have mixed feelings on this one.
No these arent pessimistic answers. Negativity and reality are two different things
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Buffity
Whenever I try to tell one of my friends about my relationship with my dad and how it's going bad they never let me finish they always talk about their problems none of them pay any attention. And trust me I know we all have problems and I'm not the only one, but if I start talking about it they quickly start talking about theirs and almost show off about how bad their mental state is like for example if they say I have to go clean my room after this they well add on by saying my mom said she's going to take my door or ground me and slap me if I don't do it fast enough. I honestly don't like telling them what's up with MY life but it seems like they want me to know how bad and horrid it is at home they wanna make sure I know how bad and horrible their life is and that it's way worse then mine. (Ps. AND AGAIN IM NOT SAYING THAT THERES ANYTHING WRONG WITH TELLING AND EXPRESSING FEELINGS I KNOW IM NOT THE ONLY ONE GOING THROUGH A HARD TIME)
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Whenever I try to tell one of my friends about my relationship with my dad and how it's going bad they never let me finish they always talk about their problems none of them pay any attention. And trust me I know we all have problems and I'm not the only one, but if I start talking about it they quickly start talking about theirs and almost show off about how bad their mental state is like for example if they say I have to go clean my room after this they well add on by saying my mom said she's going to take my door or ground me and slap me if I don't do it fast enough. I honestly don't like telling them what's up with MY life but it seems like they want me to know how bad and horrid it is at home they wanna make sure I know how bad and horrible their life is and that it's way worse then mine. (Ps. AND AGAIN IM NOT SAYING THAT THERES ANYTHING WRONG WITH TELLING AND EXPRESSING FEELINGS I KNOW IM NOT THE ONLY ONE GOING THROUGH A HARD TIME)
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Spiritual
I'm dealing a older man and he knows that I have PTSD and I'm in distress right now trying to get my life back on track and I have to relive a traumatic event by going to court. Every time I tell him that he makes a mistake or trying to get him to fix it and tells me what I'm not perfect. And that's his answer for everything instead of admitting when he's wrong and try to do better. And then he makes jokes about my situation and almost dying. I have to constantly wait on him because you take so long in the bathroom. And doesn't clean up behind his bowels. Then when you make a mistake blames you for everything and you can never make a mistake. See if he likes me but doesn't really value me as a friend or care to socialize or help me or give me advice about situations. what am I supposed to do with that?
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I'm dealing a older man and he knows that I have PTSD and I'm in distress right now trying to get my life back on track and I have to relive a traumatic event by going to court. Every time I tell him that he makes a mistake or trying to get him to fix it and tells me what I'm not perfect. And that's his answer for everything instead of admitting when he's wrong and try to do better. And then he makes jokes about my situation and almost dying. I have to constantly wait on him because you take so long in the bathroom. And doesn't clean up behind his bowels. Then when you make a mistake blames you for everything and you can never make a mistake. See if he likes me but doesn't really value me as a friend or care to socialize or help me or give me advice about situations. what am I supposed to do with that?
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ooi
One thing's for sure; never tell that person with mental illness that something is wrong with them, just show them they made a mistake and correct it together with them and laugh over it. If that person realized how nonsensical he/she is because they have mental illness, they'll shut off from you and probably from others too because they will feel like they don't want to trouble people, also they are ashamed therefore they will not tell you anything anymore even when they are in trouble and that can be dangerous for themselves and makes it very difficult to help them or help the situation.
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One thing's for sure; never tell that person with mental illness that something is wrong with them, just show them they made a mistake and correct it together with them and laugh over it. If that person realized how nonsensical he/she is because they have mental illness, they'll shut off from you and probably from others too because they will feel like they don't want to trouble people, also they are ashamed therefore they will not tell you anything anymore even when they are in trouble and that can be dangerous for themselves and makes it very difficult to help them or help the situation.
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RainingRedPandas
I think a big part of tip number 1 that wasnt really focused on, is how important it is to really manage your own emotions (not just hide them) before trying to help someone else. And also to make sure that you know your limits, and know when you need to step away and/or set boundaries with someone whose illness is beyond your capacity to handle. AND know how to step away from the situation in a way that wont cause more harm.
Take care of yourselves first folks. It causes so many more problems when you dont.
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I think a big part of tip number 1 that wasnt really focused on, is how important it is to really manage your own emotions (not just hide them) before trying to help someone else. And also to make sure that you know your limits, and know when you need to step away and/or set boundaries with someone whose illness is beyond your capacity to handle. AND know how to step away from the situation in a way that wont cause more harm.
Take care of yourselves first folks. It causes so many more problems when you dont.
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Chloe
I have a friend who talks about her depression a lot and shes very negative and its hard to talk to her when shes constantly reminding me about her negative feelings when I dont ever mention my feelings; I dont want to spread negativity on her and make it worse. Its also hard when she says stuff like how are you so happy all the time or other things when I just always act happy and mentally healthy for her. So this video was helpful and I hope I can help deal with helping her feel better
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I have a friend who talks about her depression a lot and shes very negative and its hard to talk to her when shes constantly reminding me about her negative feelings when I dont ever mention my feelings; I dont want to spread negativity on her and make it worse. Its also hard when she says stuff like how are you so happy all the time or other things when I just always act happy and mentally healthy for her. So this video was helpful and I hope I can help deal with helping her feel better
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Cat
I wish I had seen this video when it first came out! I have several close friends who struggle with mental illness, and I have been totally guilty of 3 and 4. I feel like because they loved me they wouldnt necessarily tell me that what I was saying was bad for them. I have also been deeply frustrated by my persons, mental illness, and although I definitely avoided 1 and 2 I think the frustration came out in 3 and 4. Anyway, heres to being better loved ones to our loved ones!
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I wish I had seen this video when it first came out! I have several close friends who struggle with mental illness, and I have been totally guilty of 3 and 4. I feel like because they loved me they wouldnt necessarily tell me that what I was saying was bad for them. I have also been deeply frustrated by my persons, mental illness, and although I definitely avoided 1 and 2 I think the frustration came out in 3 and 4. Anyway, heres to being better loved ones to our loved ones!
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Roderico
Its so nice to know a few guide but sometimes bcoz of long term handling this kind of problem most ofcourse if the wife, and having a children how coud imagine how much more stress to one who is one siffering and thinking to understand and forgiving this cases in almost a year somestimes its better to be listen to the one who care and try them selve to listen verywell for its own. Becoz is so much suffering to the one who is the one who really care.
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Its so nice to know a few guide but sometimes bcoz of long term handling this kind of problem most ofcourse if the wife, and having a children how coud imagine how much more stress to one who is one siffering and thinking to understand and forgiving this cases in almost a year somestimes its better to be listen to the one who care and try them selve to listen verywell for its own. Becoz is so much suffering to the one who is the one who really care.
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_0_
Tip 2 is incomplete in my area because there are to many fake people meaning they talk about they care when they do not aka the fronting effect. Tip 3 I feel there people in general are brainwash at this point of time running into far and yes my whole family does this BS all the time. And yes I deal with mental illness for over 20 yrs now and the people are getting worse with no soul. In till people wake up these tips are a failure no matter what
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Tip 2 is incomplete in my area because there are to many fake people meaning they talk about they care when they do not aka the fronting effect. Tip 3 I feel there people in general are brainwash at this point of time running into far and yes my whole family does this BS all the time. And yes I deal with mental illness for over 20 yrs now and the people are getting worse with no soul. In till people wake up these tips are a failure no matter what
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Stevie
Tip #6 take them to woods and put a cap behind the ear smh Im just kidding but Im sorry none of these steps work Ive tried all of these with my extreme bipolar schizophrenic brother we had another ruined Christmas because of him SMH he refuses to get help and get back on his medication I came to find some tips and Im sorry all of this that you talked about does not work
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Tip #6 take them to woods and put a cap behind the ear smh Im just kidding but Im sorry none of these steps work Ive tried all of these with my extreme bipolar schizophrenic brother we had another ruined Christmas because of him SMH he refuses to get help and get back on his medication I came to find some tips and Im sorry all of this that you talked about does not work
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name
timestamps:
0: 46 tip #1. dont allow your negative emotions to be visible
1: 25 tip #2. do show them that you still care
1: 53 tip #3. dont tell or remind them that it could be worse
2: 48 tip #4. dont try to relate how they feel to your own experiences, that is unless you have the same illness of course
3: 33 tip #5. do try and research their illness
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timestamps:
0: 46 tip #1. dont allow your negative emotions to be visible
1: 25 tip #2. do show them that you still care
1: 53 tip #3. dont tell or remind them that it could be worse
2: 48 tip #4. dont try to relate how they feel to your own experiences, that is unless you have the same illness of course
3: 33 tip #5. do try and research their illness
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Jeffy
I encounter this a lot when I online date. Having to explain what my mental health is and what may happen when I have an episode can be exhausting and at times, frightful. The worst is when I meet people who don't believe in the illness and think I am just being lazy Though meeting someone who suffers from Mental Health does make me feel less lonely in the world.
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I encounter this a lot when I online date. Having to explain what my mental health is and what may happen when I have an episode can be exhausting and at times, frightful. The worst is when I meet people who don't believe in the illness and think I am just being lazy Though meeting someone who suffers from Mental Health does make me feel less lonely in the world.
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P3dersen
My problem is i fell in love with the one who helps me and i have a really big idea that she likes me since my friends have heard but i feel like im not good enough since she would have to deal with my mental garbage more and i just dont want that for her so i want to get better mentally for her
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My problem is i fell in love with the one who helps me and i have a really big idea that she likes me since my friends have heard but i feel like im not good enough since she would have to deal with my mental garbage more and i just dont want that for her so i want to get better mentally for her
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education
Im trying to help my friend who doesnt seem to open to me, she is very lonely with no friends im trying to help so bad she is struggling with depersonalization, anxity, ed, and here i Am trying to help as the best i can even if i am mentally ill with bpd too.
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Im trying to help my friend who doesnt seem to open to me, she is very lonely with no friends im trying to help so bad she is struggling with depersonalization, anxity, ed, and here i Am trying to help as the best i can even if i am mentally ill with bpd too.
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sweet
The honest truth you and yourself should be the one hugging you because the truth is now with this pandemic, no one really cares about others not even family so you are the only one that is there with you day and night they only look at me as a ATM.
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The honest truth you and yourself should be the one hugging you because the truth is now with this pandemic, no one really cares about others not even family so you are the only one that is there with you day and night they only look at me as a ATM.
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Adri
As a person whom has been on both sides of this
Alot.
Yes
Yes these are very true and it should be common knowledge
I don't understand how some people think telling others it could be worse help for example
But it's just
Why
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As a person whom has been on both sides of this
Alot.
Yes
Yes these are very true and it should be common knowledge
I don't understand how some people think telling others it could be worse help for example
But it's just
Why
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Longsnoutpug
How do I show them that I still care when it's NEVER enough to the point of them using me as their emotional support crutch and making me feel anxious and unsafe and always exhausted with them to the point of wanting to avoid them?
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How do I show them that I still care when it's NEVER enough to the point of them using me as their emotional support crutch and making me feel anxious and unsafe and always exhausted with them to the point of wanting to avoid them?
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Virtue
what do i do if i've already screwed up with someone? i was told they feel as if i put them down as lesser, ive tried to apologize and ask how i could make it up to them but they take it as simply shrugging it off
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what do i do if i've already screwed up with someone? i was told they feel as if i put them down as lesser, ive tried to apologize and ask how i could make it up to them but they take it as simply shrugging it off
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shiv
My sister experiences multiple seizures everyday and she has become so much violent, horrible, psychopath and dangerous. Idk how to deal with it. I'm terrified and overwhelmed and I can't even focus on my studies.
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My sister experiences multiple seizures everyday and she has become so much violent, horrible, psychopath and dangerous. Idk how to deal with it. I'm terrified and overwhelmed and I can't even focus on my studies.
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education
I am an optimistic highly sensitive empath trying to help my highly sensitive sister that has at least one BPD it is affecting her parenting and her beautiful children
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I am an optimistic highly sensitive empath trying to help my highly sensitive sister that has at least one BPD it is affecting her parenting and her beautiful children
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ANNNE
Aberham Hicks. You can't fix anything for anyone. Only they can fix themselves. But they have to want to be well. The medical industry jest wants to sell pharmisuticals
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Aberham Hicks. You can't fix anything for anyone. Only they can fix themselves. But they have to want to be well. The medical industry jest wants to sell pharmisuticals
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Minh
On the flip side of tips number 3, you can tell them to be grateful that their conditions are not that bad right? This gives them a new perspective on their illness.
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On the flip side of tips number 3, you can tell them to be grateful that their conditions are not that bad right? This gives them a new perspective on their illness.
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Kim
Most health issues are a response to distress. it is not mental illness to have & show emotions. Please stop telling people they have mental illness. They are human.
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Most health issues are a response to distress. it is not mental illness to have & show emotions. Please stop telling people they have mental illness. They are human.
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