Borderline Personality Disorder: 4 Things We Want You To Understand
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
Shiro
I feel like this video didnt go indelht enough for people to understand that manipulativity and anger is not the driving force of half the sub categories of bpd. I have depressive bpd and i dont relate to a bunch of the stuff in the video. Quiet bpd and depressive bpd dont manipulate to get their way and the attention seeking is one of thee subcategories. The 2 other are more diagnosed alongside narcissicm, but quiet and depressive are the contrary. I do have some anger issue at times with uncontrollable situation like cigarette odor and loud constant noise (i dont smoke it's disgusting, but others around the neighbourhood, while im at home, so can't flee the smell, but its not tge driving force of my bpd.
Make sure you differentiate the sub categories with your friend with bpd, because the way to treat your friend will be different depending on that.
Quiet bpd won't show it at all. But give them a call or write to them or visit them when they haven't talk to you in a while, they might be having a crisis.
Do your best to not cancel activity or visit. I went an entire weekend in a depressive period where i barely left my bed and cried because we had to cancel a visit I was looking forward to with my 2 best friends. With internet, at least try to do something online with them if you can to balance it out a bit.
When your friend with bpd is angry, in my case i prefer if you let me vent and then dont talk to me so i can cool down myself. Getting told to cool down and such just worsen it. My family doesn't understand how much fireworks trigger my anger and brush it off in text messages when i needed to vent to someone i trusted, it's extremely annoying and betraying.
I have zero seek attention behaviour because i hate attention so i can't help with the other sub category.
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I feel like this video didnt go indelht enough for people to understand that manipulativity and anger is not the driving force of half the sub categories of bpd. I have depressive bpd and i dont relate to a bunch of the stuff in the video. Quiet bpd and depressive bpd dont manipulate to get their way and the attention seeking is one of thee subcategories. The 2 other are more diagnosed alongside narcissicm, but quiet and depressive are the contrary. I do have some anger issue at times with uncontrollable situation like cigarette odor and loud constant noise (i dont smoke it's disgusting, but others around the neighbourhood, while im at home, so can't flee the smell, but its not tge driving force of my bpd.
Make sure you differentiate the sub categories with your friend with bpd, because the way to treat your friend will be different depending on that.
Quiet bpd won't show it at all. But give them a call or write to them or visit them when they haven't talk to you in a while, they might be having a crisis.
Do your best to not cancel activity or visit. I went an entire weekend in a depressive period where i barely left my bed and cried because we had to cancel a visit I was looking forward to with my 2 best friends. With internet, at least try to do something online with them if you can to balance it out a bit.
When your friend with bpd is angry, in my case i prefer if you let me vent and then dont talk to me so i can cool down myself. Getting told to cool down and such just worsen it. My family doesn't understand how much fireworks trigger my anger and brush it off in text messages when i needed to vent to someone i trusted, it's extremely annoying and betraying.
I have zero seek attention behaviour because i hate attention so i can't help with the other sub category.
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Laura
Reading some of messages here made me cry, I have BPD and I must admit I start the argument sometimes especially when I feel jealous about someone. All I ever wanted is my partner to hug me and reassure me that what I think is not true but instead every time this happens I Get yelled at, insult and threats that he will leave. I don't want any yelling I just want to talk but he doesn't allow me to. He says shut up and keep quiet that I am sick I should follow what he says coz he is the one normal. This happens many times. I understand that I always trigger him but never do I want a big drama. Earlier I got dragged in the toilet 3X my head hit the floor many times. He slapped me many times while Im on the floor and sprayed water on me after. Every time he pushes me and hit my head on a wall or floor and I complain that it hurts he would even bully me and call overly dramatic. I slapped him to coz Im so tired of getting treated like animal being dragged on the floor. But I get hurt more whenever I fight back. I feel so sorry for myself and no matter how I tried to explain to him how I feel he will just shut me off. The blame is always on me and he called me blackmailer when all I do is cry and he even said I cry like a child when Im already old and I should stop crying. It feels like dying is the only way for me to see that he is sorry for everything he's done. I love him to death but this even keeps on repeating and I can't stand to see myself like this anymore. Even during normal days Im not allowed to discuss my feelings and its always invalid coz Im not normal. I can't see anything good in me anymore. Almost 2 yrs and I feel like I lost my life already.
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Reading some of messages here made me cry, I have BPD and I must admit I start the argument sometimes especially when I feel jealous about someone. All I ever wanted is my partner to hug me and reassure me that what I think is not true but instead every time this happens I Get yelled at, insult and threats that he will leave. I don't want any yelling I just want to talk but he doesn't allow me to. He says shut up and keep quiet that I am sick I should follow what he says coz he is the one normal. This happens many times. I understand that I always trigger him but never do I want a big drama. Earlier I got dragged in the toilet 3X my head hit the floor many times. He slapped me many times while Im on the floor and sprayed water on me after. Every time he pushes me and hit my head on a wall or floor and I complain that it hurts he would even bully me and call overly dramatic. I slapped him to coz Im so tired of getting treated like animal being dragged on the floor. But I get hurt more whenever I fight back. I feel so sorry for myself and no matter how I tried to explain to him how I feel he will just shut me off. The blame is always on me and he called me blackmailer when all I do is cry and he even said I cry like a child when Im already old and I should stop crying. It feels like dying is the only way for me to see that he is sorry for everything he's done. I love him to death but this even keeps on repeating and I can't stand to see myself like this anymore. Even during normal days Im not allowed to discuss my feelings and its always invalid coz Im not normal. I can't see anything good in me anymore. Almost 2 yrs and I feel like I lost my life already.
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Tevv
I'm the bpd friend. Me and my bestie have been together for 14 years. We started as enemies for 7 years. to being soul mates. They're were rocky instances in our friendship. but as I gradually aged I had more control on my emotions. In fact I'm completely nice and funny with strangers. FYI I was recently diagnosed with bpd. so all this time it was misdiagnosed as depression. But still I've never done anything harmful to my bestie apart from teenage days. I was able to help her as well as she too. So please we're not psychopaths or narcissists 247. Some of us have the ability to control it outside even without therapy. but once we're alone it would take toll on us. I'm bout to start dbt. Hope this helps. The thing is I would not get close to people too much as I don't want to get emotionally attached. In fact everyone perceives me as a funny, goofy person. But deep down I might be having emotional roller-coasters. I'm very good at hiding them. Specially anger. I would just numb myself if someone scolds me or else if loose it. I might lash out on that person. Its hard and extremely exhausting
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I'm the bpd friend. Me and my bestie have been together for 14 years. We started as enemies for 7 years. to being soul mates. They're were rocky instances in our friendship. but as I gradually aged I had more control on my emotions. In fact I'm completely nice and funny with strangers. FYI I was recently diagnosed with bpd. so all this time it was misdiagnosed as depression. But still I've never done anything harmful to my bestie apart from teenage days. I was able to help her as well as she too. So please we're not psychopaths or narcissists 247. Some of us have the ability to control it outside even without therapy. but once we're alone it would take toll on us. I'm bout to start dbt. Hope this helps. The thing is I would not get close to people too much as I don't want to get emotionally attached. In fact everyone perceives me as a funny, goofy person. But deep down I might be having emotional roller-coasters. I'm very good at hiding them. Specially anger. I would just numb myself if someone scolds me or else if loose it. I might lash out on that person. Its hard and extremely exhausting
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Silly
It is hard. I'm not sure if it's worth it anymore. she's just taking, taking. it's extremely exhausting at times.
A few months ago, we were supposed to meet up. I called her because I was running late and I wouldn't have time to go and buy myself some food for the cookout we wanted to go to.
So I called her to ask if she could buy something for me. she told me that she already went shopping and there's nothing she could do. shortly after I texted her btw. very nice of you to go buy food for yourself without asking me first if I needed anything.
This triggered her. She blocked me, told her whole family that I'm the worst person on this planet. made up the most horrible lies about me. left me voice messages just yelling, blaming me for her misery and that she'll never be able to trust a friend ever again.
About 8 months later. she texted me, asking me if I would still be her friend. I immediately said yes only to be the bigger person.
But my feelings just don't count in this friendship. she gets away with everything.
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It is hard. I'm not sure if it's worth it anymore. she's just taking, taking. it's extremely exhausting at times.
A few months ago, we were supposed to meet up. I called her because I was running late and I wouldn't have time to go and buy myself some food for the cookout we wanted to go to.
So I called her to ask if she could buy something for me. she told me that she already went shopping and there's nothing she could do. shortly after I texted her btw. very nice of you to go buy food for yourself without asking me first if I needed anything.
This triggered her. She blocked me, told her whole family that I'm the worst person on this planet. made up the most horrible lies about me. left me voice messages just yelling, blaming me for her misery and that she'll never be able to trust a friend ever again.
About 8 months later. she texted me, asking me if I would still be her friend. I immediately said yes only to be the bigger person.
But my feelings just don't count in this friendship. she gets away with everything.
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Ace
eh may I add. its not that we lack a layer of skin. It is that we feel emotions of any sorts up to 9 times stronger than a normal person and probably 15-20 times stonger than a sociopath or psychopath. which of course if u imagine your one time where u were the angriest you ever were and multiply it by nine- you tell me how to handle that.
answer: u cant.
solution: bpd person has to learn to stop when u pass 5 and draw back from the situation.
cuz? anything about a lvl 7 can humanly not be handled. You dont know how it feels. its like your whole brain and body is shaking and youre in a rollercoaster, youre dizzy youre hot youre confused you dont hear things right you have NO control.
So dont tell us we lack control cuz were lazy or weak. You wouldnt be able to handle that either.
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eh may I add. its not that we lack a layer of skin. It is that we feel emotions of any sorts up to 9 times stronger than a normal person and probably 15-20 times stonger than a sociopath or psychopath. which of course if u imagine your one time where u were the angriest you ever were and multiply it by nine- you tell me how to handle that.
answer: u cant.
solution: bpd person has to learn to stop when u pass 5 and draw back from the situation.
cuz? anything about a lvl 7 can humanly not be handled. You dont know how it feels. its like your whole brain and body is shaking and youre in a rollercoaster, youre dizzy youre hot youre confused you dont hear things right you have NO control.
So dont tell us we lack control cuz were lazy or weak. You wouldnt be able to handle that either.
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ingrid3578
Mental illness is not an excuse for bad behaviour, abuse, manipulating or hurting others. I understand that a personality disorder involves distorted views of reality and deeply ingrained ways of perceiving people and situations, but they are not insane. We are all responsible for our own mental health issues. I have a lot of compassion; I myself exhibit narcissistic traits from being abused by my NPD father. I've spent my life hating him but I now understand that he wasn't a normal person and therefore did not see the world in a normal way. He truly did the best he could, BUT he was also aware of how much he hurt us. If he wasn't, he wouldn't lie, gaslight, sneak around, and play the blame game in order to get his way and appear like the victim.
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Mental illness is not an excuse for bad behaviour, abuse, manipulating or hurting others. I understand that a personality disorder involves distorted views of reality and deeply ingrained ways of perceiving people and situations, but they are not insane. We are all responsible for our own mental health issues. I have a lot of compassion; I myself exhibit narcissistic traits from being abused by my NPD father. I've spent my life hating him but I now understand that he wasn't a normal person and therefore did not see the world in a normal way. He truly did the best he could, BUT he was also aware of how much he hurt us. If he wasn't, he wouldn't lie, gaslight, sneak around, and play the blame game in order to get his way and appear like the victim.
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psych2go
I had an online friend with bpd. She is such a lovely person. And I enjoy every moment with her. Sadfully I did made her unhappy with me because i said something she didnt like and she totally freaked out. I even made it worse because i gave myself a break from that. She abandoned me for that. I am not even mad at her. I knew what problems she had and i should have reacted different. So yeah i blame me. I asked for forgiveness but she just blocked me everywhere. I have read a lot that when you are on the hatelist of an bpd its definetly impossible to make things right. But is this really true. Does someone have tips for me. I know she is not feeling ok. I do want to be there for her. Is there hope that she will like me again.
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I had an online friend with bpd. She is such a lovely person. And I enjoy every moment with her. Sadfully I did made her unhappy with me because i said something she didnt like and she totally freaked out. I even made it worse because i gave myself a break from that. She abandoned me for that. I am not even mad at her. I knew what problems she had and i should have reacted different. So yeah i blame me. I asked for forgiveness but she just blocked me everywhere. I have read a lot that when you are on the hatelist of an bpd its definetly impossible to make things right. But is this really true. Does someone have tips for me. I know she is not feeling ok. I do want to be there for her. Is there hope that she will like me again.
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arro
My father was recently diagnosed with BPD but when he was living with us, i have never understand why was he doing all that and was he abusing us like that. It turns out he had episodes of bpd. I still feel awful for moving away with our mom and living him alone. He also has the fear of abandonment like every other BPD person and is impulsive and narcissistic. My mom also divorced him because of how he acted towards us. He had episodes where he was threatening us, abusing us and blaming everytjing on us. Im glad he got a diagnosis tho and that makes me happy at the same time, Now i love my father even more and i support him too: , D (yet, i got the narcissism and impulsivity from him but i can relate even more to him now)
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My father was recently diagnosed with BPD but when he was living with us, i have never understand why was he doing all that and was he abusing us like that. It turns out he had episodes of bpd. I still feel awful for moving away with our mom and living him alone. He also has the fear of abandonment like every other BPD person and is impulsive and narcissistic. My mom also divorced him because of how he acted towards us. He had episodes where he was threatening us, abusing us and blaming everytjing on us. Im glad he got a diagnosis tho and that makes me happy at the same time, Now i love my father even more and i support him too: , D (yet, i got the narcissism and impulsivity from him but i can relate even more to him now)
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education
Might wanna educate like 90 percent of therapists before you let them waste a patients time by not diagnosing them when they clearly have BPD. The stress makes you die early. But they dont care. Why should I trust a DBT therapist now. It pisses me off that theres all this research suddenly and sht people know about for thirty years about brain waves and BPD but how dare I actually know about my disease from a Professional. Had to sacrifice my year going off meds and various SIs and almost going back to hospital to only be over medicated again, and diagnosed myself and the therapist agreed. Theyd never tell u you have BPD.
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Might wanna educate like 90 percent of therapists before you let them waste a patients time by not diagnosing them when they clearly have BPD. The stress makes you die early. But they dont care. Why should I trust a DBT therapist now. It pisses me off that theres all this research suddenly and sht people know about for thirty years about brain waves and BPD but how dare I actually know about my disease from a Professional. Had to sacrifice my year going off meds and various SIs and almost going back to hospital to only be over medicated again, and diagnosed myself and the therapist agreed. Theyd never tell u you have BPD.
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ReachTo
I lost my best friend with BPD who's boyfriend also has BPD (at least that is what he told me last year. I feel I was toxic to them, because I did not set any boundries, ever. And them hurting and using me made me angry and. I wish I could turn back time. I also lost my relationship at the time, with a woman I loved so much and I hurt, because I did not take care of my own problems. She was my world, and I did not want to lose her, It feels like I also have BPD because what they say here is mostly me sometimes. Diagnosis said otherwhise. I feel like I'm just a shit person. Maybe I deserve this.
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I lost my best friend with BPD who's boyfriend also has BPD (at least that is what he told me last year. I feel I was toxic to them, because I did not set any boundries, ever. And them hurting and using me made me angry and. I wish I could turn back time. I also lost my relationship at the time, with a woman I loved so much and I hurt, because I did not take care of my own problems. She was my world, and I did not want to lose her, It feels like I also have BPD because what they say here is mostly me sometimes. Diagnosis said otherwhise. I feel like I'm just a shit person. Maybe I deserve this.
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Noreen
As someone with BPD, I have tried to explain this to my friends. They sort of get it. But not completely. I do wish there was more awareness about it. I had an emotional crisis a few days ago and called a suicide hotline since my therapist wasn't available. The lady on the other line tried to understand but didn't seem to get it or why I was so upset; even though I told her I have BPD. So it can be frustrating to try to communicate what I'm going through to people other than my therapist.
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As someone with BPD, I have tried to explain this to my friends. They sort of get it. But not completely. I do wish there was more awareness about it. I had an emotional crisis a few days ago and called a suicide hotline since my therapist wasn't available. The lady on the other line tried to understand but didn't seem to get it or why I was so upset; even though I told her I have BPD. So it can be frustrating to try to communicate what I'm going through to people other than my therapist.
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ePfizer
This is such a great video tbh. My friend has bpd and really latches on to me, but will also lash out at me, I love her so much but I like my own space and she calls or texts so much, she's also manipulative and weirdly controlling but she doesn't need to be, I'm not going anywhere we've been friends for ever I wish I could convey to her that my life doesn't make sense without her in it I just don't want it to completely revolve around her, so so difficult
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This is such a great video tbh. My friend has bpd and really latches on to me, but will also lash out at me, I love her so much but I like my own space and she calls or texts so much, she's also manipulative and weirdly controlling but she doesn't need to be, I'm not going anywhere we've been friends for ever I wish I could convey to her that my life doesn't make sense without her in it I just don't want it to completely revolve around her, so so difficult
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Vegetable
I've been seeing so many of these that it has changed My perspective on BPD. I never thought that would happen.
If I had a friend who told me that they had BPD I would not judge them according to my hang-ups, comparison to others or preconceptions.
I'd just want to understand that person better. Knowing, understanding someone is oftentimes impossible if/when operating on judgment and beliefs.
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I've been seeing so many of these that it has changed My perspective on BPD. I never thought that would happen.
If I had a friend who told me that they had BPD I would not judge them according to my hang-ups, comparison to others or preconceptions.
I'd just want to understand that person better. Knowing, understanding someone is oftentimes impossible if/when operating on judgment and beliefs.
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Kristina
i just got diagnosed and the first few months of my symptoms were rough for my partner. to those with BPD seeking relationships out there, you truly do need someone understanding. because my impulse is so strong, i unfortunately cannot learn or change from every fight. i know i am the problem, but i truly am only compatible with an extremely understanding person. i hope it is her
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i just got diagnosed and the first few months of my symptoms were rough for my partner. to those with BPD seeking relationships out there, you truly do need someone understanding. because my impulse is so strong, i unfortunately cannot learn or change from every fight. i know i am the problem, but i truly am only compatible with an extremely understanding person. i hope it is her
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Imitations
I used to have a friend with BPD. We were friends for over a year. I told them things I never told anyone. I thought we were close. Then out of the blue they ended the relationship with no warning. I asked them why they are suddenly cutting me off. They said I have no reason. I told them what they are doing is extremely hurtful and wrong. They said I know. It still hurts.
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I used to have a friend with BPD. We were friends for over a year. I told them things I never told anyone. I thought we were close. Then out of the blue they ended the relationship with no warning. I asked them why they are suddenly cutting me off. They said I have no reason. I told them what they are doing is extremely hurtful and wrong. They said I know. It still hurts.
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Jessy
Would love a vid on how to set boundaries with this as the person WITH bpd. It would be a helpful conversation to have with my friends/relationships about what to do if I fall into those hard-to-be-around ways. Just ended things with someone who didn't have capacity to implement boundaries with me, and I think it would've been more helpful earlier on in our relationship.
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Would love a vid on how to set boundaries with this as the person WITH bpd. It would be a helpful conversation to have with my friends/relationships about what to do if I fall into those hard-to-be-around ways. Just ended things with someone who didn't have capacity to implement boundaries with me, and I think it would've been more helpful earlier on in our relationship.
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Regina
The BPD in my life was my mother who emotionally drained me and regularly terrorized me when I was growing up. She remained abusive towards me until she died when I was 46. I understand she was acting out of her own fear and pain, but it left me unwilling to get close to anyone who behaves like her or who identifies as having BPD. I guess that makes me discriminatory.
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The BPD in my life was my mother who emotionally drained me and regularly terrorized me when I was growing up. She remained abusive towards me until she died when I was 46. I understand she was acting out of her own fear and pain, but it left me unwilling to get close to anyone who behaves like her or who identifies as having BPD. I guess that makes me discriminatory.
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gigi
I choose NOT to have friends. It is too painful when they dump you. Or my back is too full of knives. Having B. P. D. is a life sentence I did not choose to have yet loneliness is worse, deadly. At 59yrs old, my existence has been futile and useless. Still, I get up every morning and put one foot in front of the other. hoping things will get better.
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I choose NOT to have friends. It is too painful when they dump you. Or my back is too full of knives. Having B. P. D. is a life sentence I did not choose to have yet loneliness is worse, deadly. At 59yrs old, my existence has been futile and useless. Still, I get up every morning and put one foot in front of the other. hoping things will get better.
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Brendan
my girlfriend of about 3 weeks informed me she had BPD by showing me another one of your videos. she didn't tell me, i watched the video and realized she was telling me something: -/
it helps a lot to learn more about this, and so far it seems really spot on and i'm glad videos like this exist to help me understand her better
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my girlfriend of about 3 weeks informed me she had BPD by showing me another one of your videos. she didn't tell me, i watched the video and realized she was telling me something: -/
it helps a lot to learn more about this, and so far it seems really spot on and i'm glad videos like this exist to help me understand her better
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Rizman
My friends with BPD, i have a question. I have friends with partners with BPD are acting the opposite. Instead of fear of abandonment, they want to leave the partner and ask to not contact them anymore etc. and they mean it, not threatened only. So why is that and what they actually want and what partners should do
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My friends with BPD, i have a question. I have friends with partners with BPD are acting the opposite. Instead of fear of abandonment, they want to leave the partner and ask to not contact them anymore etc. and they mean it, not threatened only. So why is that and what they actually want and what partners should do
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V.
No talks about how it takes a toll on your own mental health. No matter the boundaries it is and does get harmful. My ex husband, sister and parents have this and it so horrible for me to endure and now my daughter. Out of all my family I am the one who came out without this issue. Its heart aching
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No talks about how it takes a toll on your own mental health. No matter the boundaries it is and does get harmful. My ex husband, sister and parents have this and it so horrible for me to endure and now my daughter. Out of all my family I am the one who came out without this issue. Its heart aching
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Jackie
That was my second diagnonsense among my adult journey of mental health treatment professional rollercoaster in this life. My family has munchausen by proxy toward me and are pedophile molester rapist monsters who thrive on bullying and lying perpetually and prefer to aim a lot of it at me.
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That was my second diagnonsense among my adult journey of mental health treatment professional rollercoaster in this life. My family has munchausen by proxy toward me and are pedophile molester rapist monsters who thrive on bullying and lying perpetually and prefer to aim a lot of it at me.
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Nils
I was not officially diagnosed with BPD, but I am sure I have it. 2 weeks ago I had a really bad day with a friend (and crush) of mine. She cancwlled the contact completely, since then its like my life stopped, Im so numb now. Dont care about anything or anyone now, elso not her
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I was not officially diagnosed with BPD, but I am sure I have it. 2 weeks ago I had a really bad day with a friend (and crush) of mine. She cancwlled the contact completely, since then its like my life stopped, Im so numb now. Dont care about anything or anyone now, elso not her
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BORDERBLIND
I actually don't feel like I can talk with my friends or family about it. So I don't speak at all. The very few times I talked the response was not good and it made me feel worse. It's very good to know this, thank you for making these videos
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I actually don't feel like I can talk with my friends or family about it. So I don't speak at all. The very few times I talked the response was not good and it made me feel worse. It's very good to know this, thank you for making these videos
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Aubrey
It's crazy because chronic pain also shows the same things. Having three brain surgeries and a failed back procedure in 53 weeks time, at 27, completely changed my nervous system and how to respond to stress. #crps #atypicaltrigeminalneuralgia
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It's crazy because chronic pain also shows the same things. Having three brain surgeries and a failed back procedure in 53 weeks time, at 27, completely changed my nervous system and how to respond to stress. #crps #atypicaltrigeminalneuralgia
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