8 Signs That You Aren't Their Priority
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
50shadesofblack
In reality this is a problem of lack of self care. After 4 years of therapy i have done some inventory and simply decluttered out relationships with people where i have done most of the investment. That is time, love, care, respect, resources etc. I have done this in a non dramatic way, the people who have been super toxic i have simply cut out. By super toxic im talking about narcissists and people who are destructiv to others and often themself like addicts. When the level of self care self love and self respect go up this move is natural.
People change all the time. And often for the worst. Reality is that we in 99% of times cant change others on a deeper level. We can influence people and events, but never change their personality. And the need to change others can be a sign of mental illness. It was to me i suffered from co-dependency dissorder from childhood trauma.
My experience is that when i made the decission to take 100% responcibility for my own actions and how i respond to events and people. I found out that its my responsibility who i invest my time with. If they are not investing then they are simply not interested and are investing their time one someone or something else ( this can also be just time with themself. And that is fine. If they are not making contact or an effort the relasjonship will simply fade away by itself. If they are highly toxic, then you need to set firm boundarys. If they are not respected ( see the self respect point, then it is YOUR responsibillity to enforce the boundarys and to cut them out of your life like a canser. You dont need to explain yourself simply say no, and if they keep on pressure then just repite no. You can also say No i have other plans, this plan can be just relaxing by yourself or doing your own projects ( you dont need to explain this. Seeing a therapist and talking about it will help alot, but also remember that alot of therapist may not know the fact that we cant change others. As long as you always have this in the back of your mind you are going to be fine. That is you dont need to have guilt or shame about doing the decluttering.
also remember that all humans has their own struggles and their own story/journey. You dont need to make this drama to a epic porporsjon, in reality its just people changeing and that happens ALL THE TIME. Work on your self-respect, self-love, self-care and take 100% responsibillity for it, and you are OVER TIME, going to feel alot better; -)
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In reality this is a problem of lack of self care. After 4 years of therapy i have done some inventory and simply decluttered out relationships with people where i have done most of the investment. That is time, love, care, respect, resources etc. I have done this in a non dramatic way, the people who have been super toxic i have simply cut out. By super toxic im talking about narcissists and people who are destructiv to others and often themself like addicts. When the level of self care self love and self respect go up this move is natural.
People change all the time. And often for the worst. Reality is that we in 99% of times cant change others on a deeper level. We can influence people and events, but never change their personality. And the need to change others can be a sign of mental illness. It was to me i suffered from co-dependency dissorder from childhood trauma.
My experience is that when i made the decission to take 100% responcibility for my own actions and how i respond to events and people. I found out that its my responsibility who i invest my time with. If they are not investing then they are simply not interested and are investing their time one someone or something else ( this can also be just time with themself. And that is fine. If they are not making contact or an effort the relasjonship will simply fade away by itself. If they are highly toxic, then you need to set firm boundarys. If they are not respected ( see the self respect point, then it is YOUR responsibillity to enforce the boundarys and to cut them out of your life like a canser. You dont need to explain yourself simply say no, and if they keep on pressure then just repite no. You can also say No i have other plans, this plan can be just relaxing by yourself or doing your own projects ( you dont need to explain this. Seeing a therapist and talking about it will help alot, but also remember that alot of therapist may not know the fact that we cant change others. As long as you always have this in the back of your mind you are going to be fine. That is you dont need to have guilt or shame about doing the decluttering.
also remember that all humans has their own struggles and their own story/journey. You dont need to make this drama to a epic porporsjon, in reality its just people changeing and that happens ALL THE TIME. Work on your self-respect, self-love, self-care and take 100% responsibillity for it, and you are OVER TIME, going to feel alot better; -)
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Cloud
Someone please help me.
So there's my ex-bestfriend when she told me that she had a crush on my guy best frnd. So i supported her and rooted for them, soon enough they got into a relationship which is with my help actually. She and me studied together in same college and her bf studied in different one.
Whenever he comes to our clg with his frnds my ex bestfrnd used to act different with me.
Whenever I made a mistake, I apologize and show gestures of making up to it even though they were really small but she never apologizes for anything she ever did whereas she would instantly beg her bf and his frnds to forgive her.
She never allowed me to even talk to other ppl and complained abt it but whenever she does the same and she had a lot frnds when I confronted abt it she says it's different and argues.
She never shows up for our plans and I'm the only one who makes plans.
She always wanted to get more grades than mine. I'm a slow learner even though she's good at studying she didn't get grades as mine. She competed with me.
I have a depressed lyf and suicidal thoughts, whenever she needs to vent I used to be there for her even if it's midnight even when it drained me. But when I txted her when my anxiety kicking in and I couldn't breathe, she jst said take care I know it's hard. I know tht she's an introvert but I really pitied myself.
When she stops talking to me randomly I used to ask and txt her many tyms for the reasons so when her b'day came I went to her home and I have social anxiety but I still did, I felt soo lonely and left out cus through the whole day she just talked to her bf but never even cared to check up on me later I left the party with her bf to buy her a gift she was nrml until I left she didn't talk to me through out the whole nyt. One random day I had enough and I stopped talking she never asked me why.
Am I the crazy one like she prioritizes her bf over me, is that normal guys? I really don't know.
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Someone please help me.
So there's my ex-bestfriend when she told me that she had a crush on my guy best frnd. So i supported her and rooted for them, soon enough they got into a relationship which is with my help actually. She and me studied together in same college and her bf studied in different one.
Whenever he comes to our clg with his frnds my ex bestfrnd used to act different with me.
Whenever I made a mistake, I apologize and show gestures of making up to it even though they were really small but she never apologizes for anything she ever did whereas she would instantly beg her bf and his frnds to forgive her.
She never allowed me to even talk to other ppl and complained abt it but whenever she does the same and she had a lot frnds when I confronted abt it she says it's different and argues.
She never shows up for our plans and I'm the only one who makes plans.
She always wanted to get more grades than mine. I'm a slow learner even though she's good at studying she didn't get grades as mine. She competed with me.
I have a depressed lyf and suicidal thoughts, whenever she needs to vent I used to be there for her even if it's midnight even when it drained me. But when I txted her when my anxiety kicking in and I couldn't breathe, she jst said take care I know it's hard. I know tht she's an introvert but I really pitied myself.
When she stops talking to me randomly I used to ask and txt her many tyms for the reasons so when her b'day came I went to her home and I have social anxiety but I still did, I felt soo lonely and left out cus through the whole day she just talked to her bf but never even cared to check up on me later I left the party with her bf to buy her a gift she was nrml until I left she didn't talk to me through out the whole nyt. One random day I had enough and I stopped talking she never asked me why.
Am I the crazy one like she prioritizes her bf over me, is that normal guys? I really don't know.
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LadyL31786
I dated an Army man 4 years back and it was crazy how he never prioritized me. I was always the first to text him, I sometimes call him too only for the phone to go to voicemail. Then itll take him forever to respond back to me and uses the Army as an excuse when I know that the Army always have downtime. Then when he responds back to me, he always asks me when will we become intimate. Sad, just sad. I tried to get support from a military girlfriends group on Reddit but they were judgmental. I always felt alone in the relationship. Plus, when I told him Ive gotten my new place, he said he was going to visit but the day he was supposed to show up, he never did. Then I sent him a lengthy text and told him bye the blocked his number. Im in a real relationship with someone who values me and makes time for me now. Weve been together for a year and going strong.
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I dated an Army man 4 years back and it was crazy how he never prioritized me. I was always the first to text him, I sometimes call him too only for the phone to go to voicemail. Then itll take him forever to respond back to me and uses the Army as an excuse when I know that the Army always have downtime. Then when he responds back to me, he always asks me when will we become intimate. Sad, just sad. I tried to get support from a military girlfriends group on Reddit but they were judgmental. I always felt alone in the relationship. Plus, when I told him Ive gotten my new place, he said he was going to visit but the day he was supposed to show up, he never did. Then I sent him a lengthy text and told him bye the blocked his number. Im in a real relationship with someone who values me and makes time for me now. Weve been together for a year and going strong.
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Jess
Advice? He says he will be here and then it takes him hours. It's like he doesn't care I'm waiting on him or that my time is being wasted. Tonight he showed up at 11: 30 pm knowing I have to be up for work at 5 am tomorrow. I let him in because he made me feel guilty about him having to sleep in the car because I wasn't awake when he arrived. So I answered his call when he got here and he woke me up and I let him in. Now I find myself not being able to sleep. Just contemplating what to do. I know I'm not happy and I know I'm not being treated properly. I love him and feel attached. When I do bring up stuff that needs to change, it never does. He says one thing but his actions never match his words. I just don't know what to anymore and in the meantime this is hurting my feelers lol
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Advice? He says he will be here and then it takes him hours. It's like he doesn't care I'm waiting on him or that my time is being wasted. Tonight he showed up at 11: 30 pm knowing I have to be up for work at 5 am tomorrow. I let him in because he made me feel guilty about him having to sleep in the car because I wasn't awake when he arrived. So I answered his call when he got here and he woke me up and I let him in. Now I find myself not being able to sleep. Just contemplating what to do. I know I'm not happy and I know I'm not being treated properly. I love him and feel attached. When I do bring up stuff that needs to change, it never does. He says one thing but his actions never match his words. I just don't know what to anymore and in the meantime this is hurting my feelers lol
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Ruth
Other signs that you are not their priority:
1. When you are in their company they fail to ask you anything about you or what you are doing
2. They fail to recognise your special occasions such as birthdays - I had to arrange my own 60th birthday celebration, and I had to arrange it around their preferences, not mine!
3. They send you a last minute invite to an occasion you were not originally invited to because someone in their party has dropped out and they want you to make up the numbers.
4. They send you an invitation and then ask if you could make all of the arrangements, I. e. you were only invited because they wanted you to do all the hard work.
You can guess Im talking from personal experience here.
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Other signs that you are not their priority:
1. When you are in their company they fail to ask you anything about you or what you are doing
2. They fail to recognise your special occasions such as birthdays - I had to arrange my own 60th birthday celebration, and I had to arrange it around their preferences, not mine!
3. They send you a last minute invite to an occasion you were not originally invited to because someone in their party has dropped out and they want you to make up the numbers.
4. They send you an invitation and then ask if you could make all of the arrangements, I. e. you were only invited because they wanted you to do all the hard work.
You can guess Im talking from personal experience here.
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asha
I recently broke up with my boyfriend because he had lot of exes who still talked to him and female friends who proposed him. he always gave me less value in front of them. he used to ignore me to be with his female friend because she never liked me reason was obvious. even we had a big fight because of her but he never comforted me instead of that he insulted me and met his friend gave chocolate to her. he always liked his exes pics and also tried to meet them. I don't know why he used to tell me about them. even some his female friend didn't knew about me that I am his gf. he never gave me anything on my birthday on our anniversary. I used to give him everything to spend time with me.
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I recently broke up with my boyfriend because he had lot of exes who still talked to him and female friends who proposed him. he always gave me less value in front of them. he used to ignore me to be with his female friend because she never liked me reason was obvious. even we had a big fight because of her but he never comforted me instead of that he insulted me and met his friend gave chocolate to her. he always liked his exes pics and also tried to meet them. I don't know why he used to tell me about them. even some his female friend didn't knew about me that I am his gf. he never gave me anything on my birthday on our anniversary. I used to give him everything to spend time with me.
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BidderGick
No ones priority. If I dont say anything no one sends me messages. I feel my heart breaking why hasnt god taken my life. I send echoes once in awhile from my heartache the sound like insane blabbering I apologize as my sanity is at a grasp. I dont have any meaningful connections other than a few family members, I dont know how to build friendships, plan, or how to live at all. All I know is just do my work and video games. Now I just pray for someone to put a bullet to me and just end my existential crisis. I just can never muster a will to go out anymore. I hate life and my heart is growing blacker someone help, wether it be the angel I need or the angel of death.
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No ones priority. If I dont say anything no one sends me messages. I feel my heart breaking why hasnt god taken my life. I send echoes once in awhile from my heartache the sound like insane blabbering I apologize as my sanity is at a grasp. I dont have any meaningful connections other than a few family members, I dont know how to build friendships, plan, or how to live at all. All I know is just do my work and video games. Now I just pray for someone to put a bullet to me and just end my existential crisis. I just can never muster a will to go out anymore. I hate life and my heart is growing blacker someone help, wether it be the angel I need or the angel of death.
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Jc
Being always a last option to my family my grandma loves my brother more also my father who spends more time on my step brother and moved to another family while me and my mom never have time for each other haven't seen her for years because she's in abroad I'm living with my toxic family here where my grandma always prepare and care for her grandson don't even bother talking to me sometimes or even making fun on what i look like even when I achieve or do good never seen them satisfied or even get proud of me sometimes leave me out on special occasion where they don't even bother of me well growing up i kinda get used in this environment so I'm not even suprised
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Being always a last option to my family my grandma loves my brother more also my father who spends more time on my step brother and moved to another family while me and my mom never have time for each other haven't seen her for years because she's in abroad I'm living with my toxic family here where my grandma always prepare and care for her grandson don't even bother talking to me sometimes or even making fun on what i look like even when I achieve or do good never seen them satisfied or even get proud of me sometimes leave me out on special occasion where they don't even bother of me well growing up i kinda get used in this environment so I'm not even suprised
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psych2go
I try to treat everyone around me how I would want to be treated. I try comfort them how I can, how I would like people to comfort me. At least I do that to the people that I think didnt get treated how they deserved to be treated. And I am also trying to change, trying to be nicer because that one toxic person I absolutely dont wanna be best friends with anymore, changed me so much to the negative. But I still am everyones second choice and that is so annoying, I give people everything, I care about them and our friendship more than they do but they dont give me what I deserve and they continue to put me second choice and treat me like shit.
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I try to treat everyone around me how I would want to be treated. I try comfort them how I can, how I would like people to comfort me. At least I do that to the people that I think didnt get treated how they deserved to be treated. And I am also trying to change, trying to be nicer because that one toxic person I absolutely dont wanna be best friends with anymore, changed me so much to the negative. But I still am everyones second choice and that is so annoying, I give people everything, I care about them and our friendship more than they do but they dont give me what I deserve and they continue to put me second choice and treat me like shit.
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Georgi
Since we started uni my dear gf started making me a secomd option not because of studies or anything like that but because she wants to hang out with her new friends. I feel alone. I feel like the feelings I am getting in our conv. everytime we talk are wrong. When i bring these topics like how it makes me feel when she does something she devalues it. Like when I get jelous because she showers someone she know for two days with attention and I am getting ignored. I feel like I am slowly dying inside. Someone please just tell that it is ok to feel this way.
P. S. To the native speaking english, sorry it is not my first languege.
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Since we started uni my dear gf started making me a secomd option not because of studies or anything like that but because she wants to hang out with her new friends. I feel alone. I feel like the feelings I am getting in our conv. everytime we talk are wrong. When i bring these topics like how it makes me feel when she does something she devalues it. Like when I get jelous because she showers someone she know for two days with attention and I am getting ignored. I feel like I am slowly dying inside. Someone please just tell that it is ok to feel this way.
P. S. To the native speaking english, sorry it is not my first languege.
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EvelynnT
My best friend since fourth grade has another best friend from kindergarten and over the past year Ive realized we can go like two months without talking or texting and she hangs out and facetimes her other best friend everyday. I talk to her and she says uhuh or yeah. I try to text her and talk to her all the time but she says shes busy. But what hurts the most is she blames me and says I dont respond witch I dont all the time but neither does she. I want to leave this trio but she keeps trying to make this friendship better. how do I leave without being rude or selfish. She makes me feel like crap sometimes when she ignores me.
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My best friend since fourth grade has another best friend from kindergarten and over the past year Ive realized we can go like two months without talking or texting and she hangs out and facetimes her other best friend everyday. I talk to her and she says uhuh or yeah. I try to text her and talk to her all the time but she says shes busy. But what hurts the most is she blames me and says I dont respond witch I dont all the time but neither does she. I want to leave this trio but she keeps trying to make this friendship better. how do I leave without being rude or selfish. She makes me feel like crap sometimes when she ignores me.
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Lovely
Currently, I consider this person a friend.
Ive liked them since weve met. I got enough courage to tell them after and incident happened with someone they liked. Personally, I didnt realize they would still like them and wanna figure things out. They said I was pretty and very nice but they want talk with the other person. They kinda act like we are are cool now and it just kinda feels awkward. I dont know how much Im liking them anymore. I dont feel wanted, Im the second option. :/
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Currently, I consider this person a friend.
Ive liked them since weve met. I got enough courage to tell them after and incident happened with someone they liked. Personally, I didnt realize they would still like them and wanna figure things out. They said I was pretty and very nice but they want talk with the other person. They kinda act like we are are cool now and it just kinda feels awkward. I dont know how much Im liking them anymore. I dont feel wanted, Im the second option. :/
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chun
My ex loved me since we were kids but when I became his girlfriend he never respected my time and always made me wait when I was waiting for his text all the time and replied to other people first but I on the other hand would run to my phone for him so his time wouldn't be wasted on waiting for me. Yet he said that I wasn't involved in this relationship more than him. He always said that his parents are his everything and that he would leave me for them anyday.
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My ex loved me since we were kids but when I became his girlfriend he never respected my time and always made me wait when I was waiting for his text all the time and replied to other people first but I on the other hand would run to my phone for him so his time wouldn't be wasted on waiting for me. Yet he said that I wasn't involved in this relationship more than him. He always said that his parents are his everything and that he would leave me for them anyday.
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Misc
I miss them, they moved to a private school and I stayed in public, she has new friends, and as time marches on, I miss them more and more, Ive met them, and theyre better friends than me, now as we progress into this year, shes happier with her friends, I have new friends that treat me right, but I hold a hole in my heart for them, she has begun to be happier and have a therapist, I never had one, I grow sadder while she grows happier, I miss them.
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I miss them, they moved to a private school and I stayed in public, she has new friends, and as time marches on, I miss them more and more, Ive met them, and theyre better friends than me, now as we progress into this year, shes happier with her friends, I have new friends that treat me right, but I hold a hole in my heart for them, she has begun to be happier and have a therapist, I never had one, I grow sadder while she grows happier, I miss them.
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Batul
Damn you aren't their priority that sucks: /. Dw you aren't the only one that's going through this, that only means their not the right person for you, and one day you are going to find the right person for you I promise you be patient they will come. And they will love you as much as you love them you are gonna be their first priority and seeing you happy and smiling will be one of the most important things for them.
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Damn you aren't their priority that sucks: /. Dw you aren't the only one that's going through this, that only means their not the right person for you, and one day you are going to find the right person for you I promise you be patient they will come. And they will love you as much as you love them you are gonna be their first priority and seeing you happy and smiling will be one of the most important things for them.
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Sophia
This is happening with my best friend, but I put her as my top priority and I get disappointed when she doesn't put me as hers. It's like I get so worked up about keeping in contact with her and talking with her, and she doesn't care as much. She has more best friends and I feel like I don't know her as well as I used to. we never really hang out, but we talk frequently. Any advice?
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This is happening with my best friend, but I put her as my top priority and I get disappointed when she doesn't put me as hers. It's like I get so worked up about keeping in contact with her and talking with her, and she doesn't care as much. She has more best friends and I feel like I don't know her as well as I used to. we never really hang out, but we talk frequently. Any advice?
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Thomas
Nine - They never pay the bills for the food beverage other entertainment or whatever! I've been there! I paid for the burgers, cuisines, liquors, and even coffees freak it! If I do so for anyone who are not worth it again, I am the j-off! We have a saying here in China - A business deal where only one side is desperate to make a deal is not a business deal! Damn those!
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Nine - They never pay the bills for the food beverage other entertainment or whatever! I've been there! I paid for the burgers, cuisines, liquors, and even coffees freak it! If I do so for anyone who are not worth it again, I am the j-off! We have a saying here in China - A business deal where only one side is desperate to make a deal is not a business deal! Damn those!
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Jane
If I initiate a conversation Im just ignored, they control the situation by initiating, its a pattern.
I have to answer their call even though if its inconvenient, but they ignore mine.
I have put boundaries regarding calls to show them that I also have a life, and if I have boundaries too bad then if they dont like it, it might just be the end of the friendship.
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If I initiate a conversation Im just ignored, they control the situation by initiating, its a pattern.
I have to answer their call even though if its inconvenient, but they ignore mine.
I have put boundaries regarding calls to show them that I also have a life, and if I have boundaries too bad then if they dont like it, it might just be the end of the friendship.
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grumpy
Yep, I'm in a long term relationship with someone who exhibits most of those signs. He puts other people on a pedestal, people that don't ask him to hang out or anything like that. He pushes himself on them, he looks desperate. They don't care about him. I asked him if that was the secret to gaining his undivided attention is to not give a shit about him.
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Yep, I'm in a long term relationship with someone who exhibits most of those signs. He puts other people on a pedestal, people that don't ask him to hang out or anything like that. He pushes himself on them, he looks desperate. They don't care about him. I asked him if that was the secret to gaining his undivided attention is to not give a shit about him.
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luciferangelica
idk, about the never showing up to special occasions, my gma said she had hives a lot, or ibs. she'd drive to our house and after spending fifteen minutes checking that her car was off, sometimes without even getting out, turn it back on and drive home. so i'm pretty sure there's more to it than not prioritizing us
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idk, about the never showing up to special occasions, my gma said she had hives a lot, or ibs. she'd drive to our house and after spending fifteen minutes checking that her car was off, sometimes without even getting out, turn it back on and drive home. so i'm pretty sure there's more to it than not prioritizing us
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Visal
when you feel like the relationship makes you sad, alone, lonely its always better to walk away. especially when they are really mean, rude but telling you i am real hence being rude. thats not how it works does it? and tells you they want to be know you in and out - but never really cares when you share things about you.
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when you feel like the relationship makes you sad, alone, lonely its always better to walk away. especially when they are really mean, rude but telling you i am real hence being rude. thats not how it works does it? and tells you they want to be know you in and out - but never really cares when you share things about you.
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Aparna
I've never liked myself, my body so when my bf proposed me I felt so special but as time passed he started ignoring me, started following random girls on ig saying I didn't actually cheat on you. I saw my self worth decreasing day by day today I broke up with him and it's the day I started hating myself again.
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I've never liked myself, my body so when my bf proposed me I felt so special but as time passed he started ignoring me, started following random girls on ig saying I didn't actually cheat on you. I saw my self worth decreasing day by day today I broke up with him and it's the day I started hating myself again.
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Just
My partner of 15 years just puts every single thing in his life before me. Ive slowly allowed this behavior because hes kind, doesnt cheat, takes care of our family. but that doesnt equate to emotional stability, or a consistent feeling like I matter to him personally.
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My partner of 15 years just puts every single thing in his life before me. Ive slowly allowed this behavior because hes kind, doesnt cheat, takes care of our family. but that doesnt equate to emotional stability, or a consistent feeling like I matter to him personally.
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Starzintheskyz
Literally everyone in my life fits every category. I'm realizing I'm not valued by my friends like I thought I was. All I ever hear is I'm too busy. So, I'd rather have no one in my life then fake friends who dont value me. I'll be alright.
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Literally everyone in my life fits every category. I'm realizing I'm not valued by my friends like I thought I was. All I ever hear is I'm too busy. So, I'd rather have no one in my life then fake friends who dont value me. I'll be alright.
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Galaxy
Idk why but I get attached to people like really easily and it hurts knowing that I care deeply for one of my friends (online I dont have friends irl not gonna lie) but Im probably the last thing theyre thinking about when theyre always on my mind
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Idk why but I get attached to people like really easily and it hurts knowing that I care deeply for one of my friends (online I dont have friends irl not gonna lie) but Im probably the last thing theyre thinking about when theyre always on my mind
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