5 Common Behaviors That Kill Relationships
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
StateN
I have been in a relationship for 16 years, I am 32 shes 30, in my late twenties Ive completely ruined our trust, I became a totally different person, she did all she could do and more to deal with it to compensate to be there, I disrespected her, took her for granted, put her down because I was down. This beautiful woman who any man would choose to have their pinky cut off just for ONE night with her, and I just kept getting worse and worse. Inevitably she compartmentalized me so that these super negative intense feelings wouldnt corrupt the rest of her life as an individual. By some grace of god or divine possibilitys my pov changed and I made an effort by showing her what she means to me I have been trying to get us into a better place for the last 5 years, Ive fallen, failed, lost but I knew my life with her in it is better for me but I doubted if she could ever see me with love in her eyes again and wonder if Im never gonna be able to give her what she deserves. And all the while I still feel guilt and self wallowing that I cannot shake off the bottom line is that love is real, emotions covet lies and truths but most importantly a conversation at the right time and place can actually start to build something different and start love over with the same person over and over again, if she and I are happy together thats all I needed to know in order to figure out how to move, I use small openings as opportunities, I try and do my best to not let my selfish thoughts and actions affect her I learned to really think In s split second whether to do something or to not do it. Every single relationship comes down to one thing in every moment you could either choose to do, or you can choose to dont and from that everything else either begins to grow or begins to die but the best part is when you have that real love those choices become already made for you and feel right And now its just a matter of about stamina and keeping the scales
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I have been in a relationship for 16 years, I am 32 shes 30, in my late twenties Ive completely ruined our trust, I became a totally different person, she did all she could do and more to deal with it to compensate to be there, I disrespected her, took her for granted, put her down because I was down. This beautiful woman who any man would choose to have their pinky cut off just for ONE night with her, and I just kept getting worse and worse. Inevitably she compartmentalized me so that these super negative intense feelings wouldnt corrupt the rest of her life as an individual. By some grace of god or divine possibilitys my pov changed and I made an effort by showing her what she means to me I have been trying to get us into a better place for the last 5 years, Ive fallen, failed, lost but I knew my life with her in it is better for me but I doubted if she could ever see me with love in her eyes again and wonder if Im never gonna be able to give her what she deserves. And all the while I still feel guilt and self wallowing that I cannot shake off the bottom line is that love is real, emotions covet lies and truths but most importantly a conversation at the right time and place can actually start to build something different and start love over with the same person over and over again, if she and I are happy together thats all I needed to know in order to figure out how to move, I use small openings as opportunities, I try and do my best to not let my selfish thoughts and actions affect her I learned to really think In s split second whether to do something or to not do it. Every single relationship comes down to one thing in every moment you could either choose to do, or you can choose to dont and from that everything else either begins to grow or begins to die but the best part is when you have that real love those choices become already made for you and feel right And now its just a matter of about stamina and keeping the scales
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BiggestPhangirl
My husband is convinced hes not smart, and will praise me for being smart and smarter than him. This DOES frustrate me and he knows it, but you also have to realize that people have quirks. I have anxiety that stems from epilepsy, and if I feel overwhelmed (which can happen easily depending on the situation, I can go into a maladaptive daydream. I lose touch with him unintentionally and while I am trying my best to control this, he does feel ignored when it happens. If there is a behavior in another person that you simply cannot stand, okaytime to break it off if they cant or wont try to change it. But if there are behaviors that you dont like but can still look past them (such as him feeling so inadequate despite my best efforts to build him up, HANG ONTO THAT PERSON! Work through issues, realize that your partner will have faults, and more importantly realize that they will never be perfect and you two will never be a perfect matchno such thing as perfection! Even the silent treatment, even the ultimatum, be sure to analyze your ability to handle the faults in your partner and if you dont think you can then best not to trybut still understand that rom-com relationships are just updated Disney fairytales.
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My husband is convinced hes not smart, and will praise me for being smart and smarter than him. This DOES frustrate me and he knows it, but you also have to realize that people have quirks. I have anxiety that stems from epilepsy, and if I feel overwhelmed (which can happen easily depending on the situation, I can go into a maladaptive daydream. I lose touch with him unintentionally and while I am trying my best to control this, he does feel ignored when it happens. If there is a behavior in another person that you simply cannot stand, okaytime to break it off if they cant or wont try to change it. But if there are behaviors that you dont like but can still look past them (such as him feeling so inadequate despite my best efforts to build him up, HANG ONTO THAT PERSON! Work through issues, realize that your partner will have faults, and more importantly realize that they will never be perfect and you two will never be a perfect matchno such thing as perfection! Even the silent treatment, even the ultimatum, be sure to analyze your ability to handle the faults in your partner and if you dont think you can then best not to trybut still understand that rom-com relationships are just updated Disney fairytales.
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?
i think its toxic immaturity that destroys relationships. in my case, i was so hurt from the way i was treated not only in past romantic relationships but my relationship with my parents. being surrounded with toxicity, walking on eggshells, listening to people blow up on each other and getting lashed out at definitely hurt me and influenced my choices. this caused me to not only undervalue friendships but the relationships i formed with people i loved. i had a loving, caring and kind boyfriend who put up with my emotional immaturity. i would lash out at him and overall treat him like he was beneath me. not only that but the overthinking and saying things i didnt mean, such as, this isnt gonna last. just move on. and insulting him for no reason. because that was my normal i ended up hurting him. i have since changed my ways and proven to him that i am worth being with, but right now we are broken up. this kind of behavior drains the energy out of people, always remember before getting into a relationship with someone that you are emotionally and mentally capable. dont subject your partner to abuse just because youre used to it. take it from me
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i think its toxic immaturity that destroys relationships. in my case, i was so hurt from the way i was treated not only in past romantic relationships but my relationship with my parents. being surrounded with toxicity, walking on eggshells, listening to people blow up on each other and getting lashed out at definitely hurt me and influenced my choices. this caused me to not only undervalue friendships but the relationships i formed with people i loved. i had a loving, caring and kind boyfriend who put up with my emotional immaturity. i would lash out at him and overall treat him like he was beneath me. not only that but the overthinking and saying things i didnt mean, such as, this isnt gonna last. just move on. and insulting him for no reason. because that was my normal i ended up hurting him. i have since changed my ways and proven to him that i am worth being with, but right now we are broken up. this kind of behavior drains the energy out of people, always remember before getting into a relationship with someone that you are emotionally and mentally capable. dont subject your partner to abuse just because youre used to it. take it from me
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TaliLovesFrogs
I'm glad I'm only guilty of one of them. I'm guilty of ignoring my partner whenever I feel really guilty about something while they're trying to help and talk to me. Though I know my partner is guilty of a few as well. They've been in many toxic relationships so I know it's just them reacting in a similar way from past trauma but he has barely any self esteem and I'm constantly in a battle with trying to take care of him, it's gotten so bad that recently I've lost that spark. I love them a lot but I don't feel as much of an attachment I did when we had our 1 year anniversary (7 months ago. He's also given me ultimatums, not with big things but it's mostly if you don't do this or say this, I'm taking it as you don't love me. I'm definitely open to trying to fix myself and I'm sure they're open to it as well. Hopefully if I ever come back to this video I'll be able to say we worked it out and we have an amazing relationship
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I'm glad I'm only guilty of one of them. I'm guilty of ignoring my partner whenever I feel really guilty about something while they're trying to help and talk to me. Though I know my partner is guilty of a few as well. They've been in many toxic relationships so I know it's just them reacting in a similar way from past trauma but he has barely any self esteem and I'm constantly in a battle with trying to take care of him, it's gotten so bad that recently I've lost that spark. I love them a lot but I don't feel as much of an attachment I did when we had our 1 year anniversary (7 months ago. He's also given me ultimatums, not with big things but it's mostly if you don't do this or say this, I'm taking it as you don't love me. I'm definitely open to trying to fix myself and I'm sure they're open to it as well. Hopefully if I ever come back to this video I'll be able to say we worked it out and we have an amazing relationship
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aggravated
A big one thats is not included is being a prophet
Let me explain i think at some point or another everyone has either heard about experienced or dealt with that one person that's constantly saying things like oh everyones just gonna leave me im going go be alone for ever and other depressing things like that and mabye your one of those people too see no one likes being around the depressing guy whos constantly bringing down the mood so when you are constantly talking about never finding anyone you knowing of unknowingly push people even farther away from you and because you keep repeating it you start believing it and it becomes a reality when you see people drift away so just remember you should love yourself your have purpose your life is worth the worlds weight in gold continue to live and if you ever find yourself saying i wont find anyone just remeber whatever you think Will happen will happen
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A big one thats is not included is being a prophet
Let me explain i think at some point or another everyone has either heard about experienced or dealt with that one person that's constantly saying things like oh everyones just gonna leave me im going go be alone for ever and other depressing things like that and mabye your one of those people too see no one likes being around the depressing guy whos constantly bringing down the mood so when you are constantly talking about never finding anyone you knowing of unknowingly push people even farther away from you and because you keep repeating it you start believing it and it becomes a reality when you see people drift away so just remember you should love yourself your have purpose your life is worth the worlds weight in gold continue to live and if you ever find yourself saying i wont find anyone just remeber whatever you think Will happen will happen
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Vanatu85
I have rOCD and somedays i feel very overwhelmed. Because I am constantly afraid of being obsessed with my partner, limiting my partner's freedom, being jealous of him, hurting him, not accepting him as he is. Even though I didn't do any of these bad things to him, I feel like I did. self-doubt in a nutshell. I'm dealing with this today too and I feel really guilty and bad. I was obsessed with my partner a long time ago, but I got over it. I'm afraid of being like that again. I'm afraid of overthinking his behavior again. Instead, I want to accept him completely as he is and love him as he is. I am seriously struggling. The important thing is that I also focus on myself. But even that's hard when you're feeling this bad. No one is perfect but at least i want to be the best i can be for my partner. I don't want to hurt him even a little.
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I have rOCD and somedays i feel very overwhelmed. Because I am constantly afraid of being obsessed with my partner, limiting my partner's freedom, being jealous of him, hurting him, not accepting him as he is. Even though I didn't do any of these bad things to him, I feel like I did. self-doubt in a nutshell. I'm dealing with this today too and I feel really guilty and bad. I was obsessed with my partner a long time ago, but I got over it. I'm afraid of being like that again. I'm afraid of overthinking his behavior again. Instead, I want to accept him completely as he is and love him as he is. I am seriously struggling. The important thing is that I also focus on myself. But even that's hard when you're feeling this bad. No one is perfect but at least i want to be the best i can be for my partner. I don't want to hurt him even a little.
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bwibwee
I wanna share this to a friend of mine because she's been on and off with a guy for a couple years. From what she tells our group of friends I can see some of these behaviors on both her and her partner. We always tell her she deserves more but she's always finding a way to give him a chance. It's a long distance relationship as well. One of my friends even tried hinting for her to try going to therapy because we can see that this relationship has given her some trauma, especially with the attachment. But she didnt seem open to that. We try to give advice and she'll follow it but after a while she stops listening and the cycle continues. I want to share this with her but I feel that it will just go over her head and to the back of her mind.
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I wanna share this to a friend of mine because she's been on and off with a guy for a couple years. From what she tells our group of friends I can see some of these behaviors on both her and her partner. We always tell her she deserves more but she's always finding a way to give him a chance. It's a long distance relationship as well. One of my friends even tried hinting for her to try going to therapy because we can see that this relationship has given her some trauma, especially with the attachment. But she didnt seem open to that. We try to give advice and she'll follow it but after a while she stops listening and the cycle continues. I want to share this with her but I feel that it will just go over her head and to the back of her mind.
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Lily
If you try hard you'll fail. what I've learned in life is don't try at all just stay home in your bed and don't even wake up or do anything at all. it's not worth giving it your all, failing everytime, and ending up heartbroken. Just stay in bed and forget about that shit. Relationships have ruined anything and everything about me I've tried to put into them. Just keep yourself away from relationships and you'll be 1000 times more happier I promise. It's not worth a few months of happy to end up being totally brokenhearted, alone, and back at square 1 again when it's over. I'm done trying to make things work when everytime I try my hardest it blows up in my face. I'm not even gonna try anymore.
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If you try hard you'll fail. what I've learned in life is don't try at all just stay home in your bed and don't even wake up or do anything at all. it's not worth giving it your all, failing everytime, and ending up heartbroken. Just stay in bed and forget about that shit. Relationships have ruined anything and everything about me I've tried to put into them. Just keep yourself away from relationships and you'll be 1000 times more happier I promise. It's not worth a few months of happy to end up being totally brokenhearted, alone, and back at square 1 again when it's over. I'm done trying to make things work when everytime I try my hardest it blows up in my face. I'm not even gonna try anymore.
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Gnatuhlee
Single 34 year old checking in. Ive been in shitty relationship after shitty relationship for the majority of my life. This is due to my lack of concern for other peoples feelings and pure selfishness. Im ready to be alone for a very long time. No one deserves to be treated the way I treat people I allegedly love, and I dont deserve to be treated nicely at all. I hope the best for everyone who is thinking of or wanting to start a relationship, but I caution you to know when you are ready and willing to put in the effort. If you arent really ready and just jumping in heart first you are going to end up struggling more than likely.
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Single 34 year old checking in. Ive been in shitty relationship after shitty relationship for the majority of my life. This is due to my lack of concern for other peoples feelings and pure selfishness. Im ready to be alone for a very long time. No one deserves to be treated the way I treat people I allegedly love, and I dont deserve to be treated nicely at all. I hope the best for everyone who is thinking of or wanting to start a relationship, but I caution you to know when you are ready and willing to put in the effort. If you arent really ready and just jumping in heart first you are going to end up struggling more than likely.
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Ueuveve
A bit not relevant but. There is this guy who just broke up with his ex girlfriend and approaching me. I heard some girls suggested to not start a relationship with a guy who just broke up in his previous relationship. Honestly, the guy approaching me is not bad, it's just that I am worried that he does not know how to differentiate whether he likes his ex girlfriend more or me, as most girls say usually these kind of guys' emotions are not stable, they might not know who they like more.
So anyone have any suggestions to help out?
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A bit not relevant but. There is this guy who just broke up with his ex girlfriend and approaching me. I heard some girls suggested to not start a relationship with a guy who just broke up in his previous relationship. Honestly, the guy approaching me is not bad, it's just that I am worried that he does not know how to differentiate whether he likes his ex girlfriend more or me, as most girls say usually these kind of guys' emotions are not stable, they might not know who they like more.
So anyone have any suggestions to help out?
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FirelinkBakerxx
I stopped at 2: 22 and broke down in tears, I have low self-esteem i am insecure and I have separation anxiety and I saw my gf 2 weeks ago and yesterday I saw her for the first time in a long while for only 3 hours because we live kinda far away from each other and after i saw her she slept over at her friends house and im missing her so bad and im trying to improve myself by respecting her privacy but sometimes i feel like she should be able to understand why im feeling this way and that i just want some attention at times
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I stopped at 2: 22 and broke down in tears, I have low self-esteem i am insecure and I have separation anxiety and I saw my gf 2 weeks ago and yesterday I saw her for the first time in a long while for only 3 hours because we live kinda far away from each other and after i saw her she slept over at her friends house and im missing her so bad and im trying to improve myself by respecting her privacy but sometimes i feel like she should be able to understand why im feeling this way and that i just want some attention at times
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rabbit
I'm 48 and over it. Ill never have another relationship. My wife won't take care of her diabetes. I can't sit here and watch her kill herself. Ive done everything I can. Today I finally blew up and laid it all out. I said if she's not going to take care of her health we can't sit here and watch her kill herself and she will lose us. She turns all criticism right around. I've talked to her and been nice about it and thinking of different ways to address it for almost two years. That times over. Sometimes an ultimatum IS the answer.
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I'm 48 and over it. Ill never have another relationship. My wife won't take care of her diabetes. I can't sit here and watch her kill herself. Ive done everything I can. Today I finally blew up and laid it all out. I said if she's not going to take care of her health we can't sit here and watch her kill herself and she will lose us. She turns all criticism right around. I've talked to her and been nice about it and thinking of different ways to address it for almost two years. That times over. Sometimes an ultimatum IS the answer.
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rachel
When 2 people are right for one another they automatically click. Getting offended for being critized is petty. That's how snowflakes are oh I'm so easily offended because you said my bum looked fat in that red dress I was going to wear tonight
Too many couples today break up over petty shit. You stick together through thick n thin like shit to a blanket. If your partner is distant then it is perfectly natural to feel insecure and if it pushing them further away then they don't want you. Period! Love is easy not complicated.
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When 2 people are right for one another they automatically click. Getting offended for being critized is petty. That's how snowflakes are oh I'm so easily offended because you said my bum looked fat in that red dress I was going to wear tonight
Too many couples today break up over petty shit. You stick together through thick n thin like shit to a blanket. If your partner is distant then it is perfectly natural to feel insecure and if it pushing them further away then they don't want you. Period! Love is easy not complicated.
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Groovy
i constantly keep bringing myself down in front my boyfriend & it does cause me to get jealous, or insecure or even upset bc i dont feel like he loves me. he denies his hate for me, but for some reason ive convinced myself that he doesnt want to be with me or that he will leave me later down the line. im scared to open up to him due to fear of him leaving just as ive gotten so attached to him. if anyone has any advice on how i can stop projecting my self hate onto him and take in the love he gives me, thatd be great: )
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i constantly keep bringing myself down in front my boyfriend & it does cause me to get jealous, or insecure or even upset bc i dont feel like he loves me. he denies his hate for me, but for some reason ive convinced myself that he doesnt want to be with me or that he will leave me later down the line. im scared to open up to him due to fear of him leaving just as ive gotten so attached to him. if anyone has any advice on how i can stop projecting my self hate onto him and take in the love he gives me, thatd be great: )
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Carson. Pellew_yt
After hours of searching for relationship advice online, all I saw was if your partner isnt good to you, do this but finally after seeing people who are like me and open with their issues, I cant express how thankful I am for this video. It brings me to tears. I have severe attachment issues and crazy anxiety. I never realized how controlling I can be and just how hurtful my words can be. I cant really afford therapy so I hope I can find something else. Thanks for the video
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After hours of searching for relationship advice online, all I saw was if your partner isnt good to you, do this but finally after seeing people who are like me and open with their issues, I cant express how thankful I am for this video. It brings me to tears. I have severe attachment issues and crazy anxiety. I never realized how controlling I can be and just how hurtful my words can be. I cant really afford therapy so I hope I can find something else. Thanks for the video
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Banana
Currently 5 years into a relationship and have suffered, endured, and recovered from every single one of these behaviours/scenarios. They're completely normal and should be taken as problems that need solving rather than something you should avoid just because you don't like it. Communication is key and it doesn't always come out as figurative talk, but it will make your bond with your partner a lot stronger and you'll feel more liberated at the same time.
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Currently 5 years into a relationship and have suffered, endured, and recovered from every single one of these behaviours/scenarios. They're completely normal and should be taken as problems that need solving rather than something you should avoid just because you don't like it. Communication is key and it doesn't always come out as figurative talk, but it will make your bond with your partner a lot stronger and you'll feel more liberated at the same time.
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Clary
My toxic trait: silent treatement. I cant help put go silent sometimes for years. I wil just ignore you, because you hurt me. Sometimes when I try to verbalise that thought, I just cant talk, I just have this necklace of thorns. I can go mute for weeks. It really sucks. i have been giving the silent treatment to my current boyfriend for a few days, because I am so mad at him. Yeah just venting, nighty night
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My toxic trait: silent treatement. I cant help put go silent sometimes for years. I wil just ignore you, because you hurt me. Sometimes when I try to verbalise that thought, I just cant talk, I just have this necklace of thorns. I can go mute for weeks. It really sucks. i have been giving the silent treatment to my current boyfriend for a few days, because I am so mad at him. Yeah just venting, nighty night
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That
The silent treatment was my way of ignoring his no. 1. He never took ownership of his actions and always got defensive about what he did to hurt ME. So I'm guilty of the silent treatment and also of not wanting him to have another girl in his home (especially when I wasn't there and he only knew her (personally) via the internet so I didn't know her at all) but he was still wayyyyyyy worse
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The silent treatment was my way of ignoring his no. 1. He never took ownership of his actions and always got defensive about what he did to hurt ME. So I'm guilty of the silent treatment and also of not wanting him to have another girl in his home (especially when I wasn't there and he only knew her (personally) via the internet so I didn't know her at all) but he was still wayyyyyyy worse
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Emily
Since I find it difficult to express myself, I frequently remain silent. I believe I just dislike being misunderstood. or thinking my emotions don't matter. even having the impression that my emotions are being ignored. Giving the silent treatment heavily relies on insecurities. I simply wish I could mature and get rid of these terrible behaviors.
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Since I find it difficult to express myself, I frequently remain silent. I believe I just dislike being misunderstood. or thinking my emotions don't matter. even having the impression that my emotions are being ignored. Giving the silent treatment heavily relies on insecurities. I simply wish I could mature and get rid of these terrible behaviors.
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Hope
The one that has killed both my relationships is not making time for me. When I express I dont feel like Im seeing them enough and that I wish thats message me more bc thats what makes me feel loved and they either said they fix it or that they understood and then dont change that behavior
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The one that has killed both my relationships is not making time for me. When I express I dont feel like Im seeing them enough and that I wish thats message me more bc thats what makes me feel loved and they either said they fix it or that they understood and then dont change that behavior
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Mizz
I've done the silent treatment in the past. Before I knew it was toxic and I would react toxic to toxic behaviors. Therapy really helped me through the years and now that I'm older, I know my boundaries and love myself enough to not accept things like that. I wish this for everyone!
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I've done the silent treatment in the past. Before I knew it was toxic and I would react toxic to toxic behaviors. Therapy really helped me through the years and now that I'm older, I know my boundaries and love myself enough to not accept things like that. I wish this for everyone!
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TheMichiQuinn
Wow so basically if you have anxiety and need to be reassured daily. You state the person will be pushed away? Its okay to have anxiety and have a supportive partner. Some people are blessed with feeling secure by a simple compliment. That doesnt apply to everyone.
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Wow so basically if you have anxiety and need to be reassured daily. You state the person will be pushed away? Its okay to have anxiety and have a supportive partner. Some people are blessed with feeling secure by a simple compliment. That doesnt apply to everyone.
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James
#2 I try to trust, but due to hidden things and cheated on before, hard to respect privacy on that part if the relationship is being disrespected and damaged. Privacy I don't mind, but still trying to have hope tho that the wrong won't be committed within the privacy
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#2 I try to trust, but due to hidden things and cheated on before, hard to respect privacy on that part if the relationship is being disrespected and damaged. Privacy I don't mind, but still trying to have hope tho that the wrong won't be committed within the privacy
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JKNat
Being on the receiving end of the silent treatment feels like while starving right next to you is a window with your favorite food on the other side, but that glass window is locked shut. The only way to reach satisfaction is to allow yourself to get hurt.
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Being on the receiving end of the silent treatment feels like while starving right next to you is a window with your favorite food on the other side, but that glass window is locked shut. The only way to reach satisfaction is to allow yourself to get hurt.
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XEternalflowerX
I mean I have angrily reacted to criticism but it was only because they said it all the time and they made it seem like they didnt like me by always bringing it up thats why I was mad when I had no problem with them before it and it was fine
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I mean I have angrily reacted to criticism but it was only because they said it all the time and they made it seem like they didnt like me by always bringing it up thats why I was mad when I had no problem with them before it and it was fine
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