5 Gaslighting Phrases Abusive People Use To Control You
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
Sparrow
6/28/22 CURRENT: I moved out to San Diego for a job that an old Chef I knew two years prior, he offered me a sous chef position and their company doubled my salary. I was staying in an air bnb at the time. Three days into working, my chef tells me mid shift that he left his wife and they been separated for months, that he finally was fed up and asked if he could stay with me in my place. I said sure while we find our own places. We had spoken for a bit and we sort of both needed a room mate or so he had said. About a week or so later we ended up getting intimate, of which I was single for 5 years to find myself and what I knew of was he was six or so months separated. This was a lie. And Im this time (three months after I moved here) he is trying to basically make me his new ex wife. And treats me like shit one day then brings me something nice. If I ever have a problem with any small thing he has said or done he turns it on me saying that its messed up I want to change him. For example. he talks to me like a baby. Of which I have stated more than two handfuls of times I absolutely detest it. He does it on purpose because it irritates me and he thinks its funny. But when I say its rude and disgusting that he does it knowing I hate it, he gets mad and says its cute and its just who he is. He told me previously that he can take away my job at any time with just his word. So he locked me into sort of a situationship. And hes trying to get me to live with him on a lease for a year but I dont even really like him. I told him when I came here it wasnt for him it was a job and that I wasnt ready for a relationship and I tell him that every thing I do that upsets him, that Im sorry its just I told him I didnt come here for this and then he gets mad. Im not exactly sure how to get out but he scares me. He wants to make me his pet or something and in the three months Ive had to put up with it I really find I cant anymore. Sorry for the rambling but I do need help and I cant talk to a lot of people about it otherwise hell make me homeless and jobless.
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6/28/22 CURRENT: I moved out to San Diego for a job that an old Chef I knew two years prior, he offered me a sous chef position and their company doubled my salary. I was staying in an air bnb at the time. Three days into working, my chef tells me mid shift that he left his wife and they been separated for months, that he finally was fed up and asked if he could stay with me in my place. I said sure while we find our own places. We had spoken for a bit and we sort of both needed a room mate or so he had said. About a week or so later we ended up getting intimate, of which I was single for 5 years to find myself and what I knew of was he was six or so months separated. This was a lie. And Im this time (three months after I moved here) he is trying to basically make me his new ex wife. And treats me like shit one day then brings me something nice. If I ever have a problem with any small thing he has said or done he turns it on me saying that its messed up I want to change him. For example. he talks to me like a baby. Of which I have stated more than two handfuls of times I absolutely detest it. He does it on purpose because it irritates me and he thinks its funny. But when I say its rude and disgusting that he does it knowing I hate it, he gets mad and says its cute and its just who he is. He told me previously that he can take away my job at any time with just his word. So he locked me into sort of a situationship. And hes trying to get me to live with him on a lease for a year but I dont even really like him. I told him when I came here it wasnt for him it was a job and that I wasnt ready for a relationship and I tell him that every thing I do that upsets him, that Im sorry its just I told him I didnt come here for this and then he gets mad. Im not exactly sure how to get out but he scares me. He wants to make me his pet or something and in the three months Ive had to put up with it I really find I cant anymore. Sorry for the rambling but I do need help and I cant talk to a lot of people about it otherwise hell make me homeless and jobless.
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Rowan
I am so confused right now. I've watched six of these videos, read thirteen different articles and taken four quizzes that all say Yup, you're being gaslighted girlypop, and I still can't wrap my mind around it. It doesn't make any sense. I've heard all these phrases and felt all the confusion and lack of self-esteem and all the guiltiness over and over and over, but I can't make any sense of this. I'm chill when it's talking about the phrases and feeling; that makes sense to me. I'm pretty sure that those memories, if not many others, are intact in my brain. But when they get to the part that that means I'm being gaslitghted? BOOM! Mind blown, no longer functioning. Brain is having issues comprehending how my mom and dad, who love me so much, would do this. I probably need to learn more about it instead of being this ridiculous. I'd bet five bucks I'm being grossly dramatic.
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I am so confused right now. I've watched six of these videos, read thirteen different articles and taken four quizzes that all say Yup, you're being gaslighted girlypop, and I still can't wrap my mind around it. It doesn't make any sense. I've heard all these phrases and felt all the confusion and lack of self-esteem and all the guiltiness over and over and over, but I can't make any sense of this. I'm chill when it's talking about the phrases and feeling; that makes sense to me. I'm pretty sure that those memories, if not many others, are intact in my brain. But when they get to the part that that means I'm being gaslitghted? BOOM! Mind blown, no longer functioning. Brain is having issues comprehending how my mom and dad, who love me so much, would do this. I probably need to learn more about it instead of being this ridiculous. I'd bet five bucks I'm being grossly dramatic.
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Vicky
Watching this video made me feel like I was listening to my family-in law talking to my husband, especially his mother; they would say all those things to him and made him feel guilty when he stands up to them, he was not able to express his feelings without being told be quiet, you don't know anything, you are dumb. and of course, my husband would excuse them by saying they are joking, they always do, he now suffers depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts; and guess whom they blame. ME, of course, because their reasoning is that my husband never suffer any of those conditions before, while he lived with them. they would never accept being narcissists and have narcissistic parents.
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Watching this video made me feel like I was listening to my family-in law talking to my husband, especially his mother; they would say all those things to him and made him feel guilty when he stands up to them, he was not able to express his feelings without being told be quiet, you don't know anything, you are dumb. and of course, my husband would excuse them by saying they are joking, they always do, he now suffers depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts; and guess whom they blame. ME, of course, because their reasoning is that my husband never suffer any of those conditions before, while he lived with them. they would never accept being narcissists and have narcissistic parents.
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Flower
I'd like to think I hope it was worth it would be another one.
With my last relationship, I was told this a lot. If I were to hangout with a friend, he'd get jealous and say that phrase.
If I were to play a game and not respond within a minute, he'd get angry and say it. It was a never-ending cycle and it sincerely hurt every single time he said it, because I never understood what I did wrong.
My brain works a lot slower than most people's, so I never understood what I was doing wrong when I hang out with my friends or played a game. He was a jealous prick and I found out later he groomed me too.
lol.
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I'd like to think I hope it was worth it would be another one.
With my last relationship, I was told this a lot. If I were to hangout with a friend, he'd get jealous and say that phrase.
If I were to play a game and not respond within a minute, he'd get angry and say it. It was a never-ending cycle and it sincerely hurt every single time he said it, because I never understood what I did wrong.
My brain works a lot slower than most people's, so I never understood what I was doing wrong when I hang out with my friends or played a game. He was a jealous prick and I found out later he groomed me too.
lol.
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Anna
I grew up with a professional gasliter: ) I asked What are you going to do about your bad behavior? If they annoyed me too much, I said Keep annoying me and I will hurt you. I am a very angry person. It is dangerous to gaslight me: ) Of course then they would say You are such a rage monster - to which the reply is Yes, I am. Deal with it! My husband tried in the beginning. I patiently waited for him to stop. He didnt. He was then met with a shit wave of epic proportions, fled to his office, and changed his mind about gaslighting me: ) Sometimes being psychotic really helps: )
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I grew up with a professional gasliter: ) I asked What are you going to do about your bad behavior? If they annoyed me too much, I said Keep annoying me and I will hurt you. I am a very angry person. It is dangerous to gaslight me: ) Of course then they would say You are such a rage monster - to which the reply is Yes, I am. Deal with it! My husband tried in the beginning. I patiently waited for him to stop. He didnt. He was then met with a shit wave of epic proportions, fled to his office, and changed his mind about gaslighting me: ) Sometimes being psychotic really helps: )
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Tracy
My husband used to always say whats wrong with you? Even (- - -) thinks you arent right I would then question myself and of course think it was just me. He also says many of the things in the vid as well and denies everything and anything unless he is actually caught out on the spot but then once you move on he denies it ever happened at all. 2 yrs ago I went to therapy and realised that I have been married to a narcissist for 27yrs and he had been conditioning me all along to think everything was my fault, I finally realised I am not crazy, he s abusive.
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My husband used to always say whats wrong with you? Even (- - -) thinks you arent right I would then question myself and of course think it was just me. He also says many of the things in the vid as well and denies everything and anything unless he is actually caught out on the spot but then once you move on he denies it ever happened at all. 2 yrs ago I went to therapy and realised that I have been married to a narcissist for 27yrs and he had been conditioning me all along to think everything was my fault, I finally realised I am not crazy, he s abusive.
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x. xSkull. Pupx. x
My brother does this a lot to me and o hate it I hate it it makes me wanna ignore everyone and stop caring but I do anyways and the just joking one yes kids got me with that one all the time Im used to it the 3rd one not used as much but I end up not caring as much in the end and saying its not big deal and I take s nap cuz I dont want their shit and they dont say your imagining things they just stare and stare and silently judge me
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My brother does this a lot to me and o hate it I hate it it makes me wanna ignore everyone and stop caring but I do anyways and the just joking one yes kids got me with that one all the time Im used to it the 3rd one not used as much but I end up not caring as much in the end and saying its not big deal and I take s nap cuz I dont want their shit and they dont say your imagining things they just stare and stare and silently judge me
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Alyssa
My mother has used every one of these phrases then claimed she wasn't abusive. The most recent instance being when I told her I wanted to go back to therapy as she had only taken me once, but she insisted she took me 3 times & that I was the one who insisted on not going anymore, but in reality she took me once & she said she didn't want me going back because the therapist was being too invasive & she was black (my mother being racist)
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My mother has used every one of these phrases then claimed she wasn't abusive. The most recent instance being when I told her I wanted to go back to therapy as she had only taken me once, but she insisted she took me 3 times & that I was the one who insisted on not going anymore, but in reality she took me once & she said she didn't want me going back because the therapist was being too invasive & she was black (my mother being racist)
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Mark
I would add a Big one to the 5 and its when the narc projects their faults onto you, accusing you of doing to them what they are doing to you. And another one is when the narc explodes with anger because they have self control issues and turns around and blames you for making them that way. Kinda like a alcoholic that beats his wife when drunk and turns around and tells her, well you know how I am when you do that thing that angers me.
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I would add a Big one to the 5 and its when the narc projects their faults onto you, accusing you of doing to them what they are doing to you. And another one is when the narc explodes with anger because they have self control issues and turns around and blames you for making them that way. Kinda like a alcoholic that beats his wife when drunk and turns around and tells her, well you know how I am when you do that thing that angers me.
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Freya262
Pulled someone up on how they talk down to people after they upset me, and how they need top be aware of how they use their words. . The response?
'Sorry that you feel that way, but others like that about me. '
Not our first run in and probably won't be the last as their so blind to how they could possibly be in the wrong. Sadly cannot avoid them due to the circumstance where we do meet.
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Pulled someone up on how they talk down to people after they upset me, and how they need top be aware of how they use their words. . The response?
'Sorry that you feel that way, but others like that about me. '
Not our first run in and probably won't be the last as their so blind to how they could possibly be in the wrong. Sadly cannot avoid them due to the circumstance where we do meet.
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education
Duuuuuuuude. My bullies used the first one and the second one. Funny thing tho they always added that I was a snitch. And they constantly said snitches get stitches. Not only this, but it wasn't only me. And then the entire class attacked me when I mentioned it. One of them started crying and I started panicking and they went to look for me and it was a mess. So I changed schools.
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Duuuuuuuude. My bullies used the first one and the second one. Funny thing tho they always added that I was a snitch. And they constantly said snitches get stitches. Not only this, but it wasn't only me. And then the entire class attacked me when I mentioned it. One of them started crying and I started panicking and they went to look for me and it was a mess. So I changed schools.
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Valorian
I am really grateful for this video - especially for the mirror it holds to my face about phrases which I might have been using that are abusive / gaslighting.
Also things partners, friends or family have used. It makes me realize that everyone can be in either role depending on the situation.
Thanks for increasing our and mine self-awareness with this!
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I am really grateful for this video - especially for the mirror it holds to my face about phrases which I might have been using that are abusive / gaslighting.
Also things partners, friends or family have used. It makes me realize that everyone can be in either role depending on the situation.
Thanks for increasing our and mine self-awareness with this!
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warthogA10
What I find most interesting, is that people who are and have been abusive toward me, are constantly accusing me of gaslighting them. and constantly dismissing and/or minimalizing my feelings while telling me I never consider their feelings.
Constantly interrupt or speak over me while claiming I'm the one who always does it to them, etc.
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What I find most interesting, is that people who are and have been abusive toward me, are constantly accusing me of gaslighting them. and constantly dismissing and/or minimalizing my feelings while telling me I never consider their feelings.
Constantly interrupt or speak over me while claiming I'm the one who always does it to them, etc.
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Suzanne
You are imagining things and Im sorry you feel like I did anything to you
Ugh I hate this one the most because he is trying to make me feel insane
When I call him out, he jumps out of my moving car! Who is insane?
Im far more sane than this horrible evil person who is so cruel and crazy
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You are imagining things and Im sorry you feel like I did anything to you
Ugh I hate this one the most because he is trying to make me feel insane
When I call him out, he jumps out of my moving car! Who is insane?
Im far more sane than this horrible evil person who is so cruel and crazy
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education
Lotta entitled pricks here. Also can people not watch something without then begging for sympathy because poor them, whilst the other half act like pure cringe with the hallmark messages, you people are gross. Wouldn't lift a finger to help, unless it's typing on a keyboard.
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Lotta entitled pricks here. Also can people not watch something without then begging for sympathy because poor them, whilst the other half act like pure cringe with the hallmark messages, you people are gross. Wouldn't lift a finger to help, unless it's typing on a keyboard.
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education
The phrases you are using are that used by the liberal government of Canada with regularity. It is a manipulative government that does not deal with reality and puts everybody down for not being on side with them. It is also a leftist narrative to gain supports.
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The phrases you are using are that used by the liberal government of Canada with regularity. It is a manipulative government that does not deal with reality and puts everybody down for not being on side with them. It is also a leftist narrative to gain supports.
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Enlightened
This is so true. It made me doubt myself and my sanity. Took a lot of time to get out of the relationship and it takes hell lot to heal and move out of this trauma. It's damaging especially when you're so emotionally invested.
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This is so true. It made me doubt myself and my sanity. Took a lot of time to get out of the relationship and it takes hell lot to heal and move out of this trauma. It's damaging especially when you're so emotionally invested.
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Some
Its honestly saddening just realizing how much of this happens to me by my step mom all but the first one are used quite often and the last one in specific is the most common one she uses (typically after or during arguments.
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Its honestly saddening just realizing how much of this happens to me by my step mom all but the first one are used quite often and the last one in specific is the most common one she uses (typically after or during arguments.
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Mochi
The fact that my ex said all these things to me.
I was younger then and everyone told me I didn't go through anything. Seeing your videos validates my experience. I've refused to believe I've been a victim.
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The fact that my ex said all these things to me.
I was younger then and everyone told me I didn't go through anything. Seeing your videos validates my experience. I've refused to believe I've been a victim.
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John
Narcissists are children of the devil who pretend to be your friend just to manipulate you. The devil pretends to be an angel of light it is no surprise his followers pretend to be ministers of righteousness.
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Narcissists are children of the devil who pretend to be your friend just to manipulate you. The devil pretends to be an angel of light it is no surprise his followers pretend to be ministers of righteousness.
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Skinny
You see everyone out there is abusing me and I know it. I'm just waiting for this special someone bro. She will know that I'm not a boring person I'm gona ghost everyone and give her all my time
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You see everyone out there is abusing me and I know it. I'm just waiting for this special someone bro. She will know that I'm not a boring person I'm gona ghost everyone and give her all my time
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anonymous
Sounds like my dad.
I dont communicate with him and havent for about 8 months now.
I cant stand him so I just withdrew. I ignore all his calls and his efforts to communicate with me.
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Sounds like my dad.
I dont communicate with him and havent for about 8 months now.
I cant stand him so I just withdrew. I ignore all his calls and his efforts to communicate with me.
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Ian
I went out with someone like this. Just joking was their favourite as was your too sensitive not those actual words, but words to that effect. Still some other poor sod has him now. Best of luck
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I went out with someone like this. Just joking was their favourite as was your too sensitive not those actual words, but words to that effect. Still some other poor sod has him now. Best of luck
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education
Divorce, change jobs, leave town, or stand your ground and have nothing to do with them. Social/behavior researchers at work behind the scenes know that ongoing it will destroy you.
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Divorce, change jobs, leave town, or stand your ground and have nothing to do with them. Social/behavior researchers at work behind the scenes know that ongoing it will destroy you.
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TheWard
You nailed it!
One can hear these every day if you listen carefully.
Love to all who are hearing this all day long. Get out of the relationship. It won't get better. Never!
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You nailed it!
One can hear these every day if you listen carefully.
Love to all who are hearing this all day long. Get out of the relationship. It won't get better. Never!
reply
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