8 Signs of an Avoidant Attachment Style
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
Patrick
I strive for connection and I'll be planning on moving in with someone i met just that day because i crave somebody loving me that much. I get worried if someone leaves me on read or changes their tone and I'll ask them over and over if im still their best friend and if they are mad at me or not. But sometimes i turn cold against people and i suddenly hate people for no apparent reason or something small will make me not trust the person at all. I already dont trust people at all so the anger doesnt help. i expect people to leave from one small thing and then my view of them alters dramatically. i used to think that i had no control of this and that i naturally dont trust people because of my bad experiences and unhealthy relationships but the truth is i just dont let myself anymore because ill be dissapointed when they do leave. i thought i was just a awful person for not feeling anything when people leave but now i understand i dont feel anything partially cause of my dissociation and because i never had love for them not cause im bad but because you cant love someone that you havent allowed yourself to get attached to. I think i both have a anxious and avoidant because im always somewhat cold and theres walls up and i dont trust but sometimes if someone does spark a little love inside of me my brain freaks out and clings to that idea. ive been abused and abandoned many times and ive given up multiple times and thought everyones just a shallow petty terrible piece of shit when thats not the case.
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I strive for connection and I'll be planning on moving in with someone i met just that day because i crave somebody loving me that much. I get worried if someone leaves me on read or changes their tone and I'll ask them over and over if im still their best friend and if they are mad at me or not. But sometimes i turn cold against people and i suddenly hate people for no apparent reason or something small will make me not trust the person at all. I already dont trust people at all so the anger doesnt help. i expect people to leave from one small thing and then my view of them alters dramatically. i used to think that i had no control of this and that i naturally dont trust people because of my bad experiences and unhealthy relationships but the truth is i just dont let myself anymore because ill be dissapointed when they do leave. i thought i was just a awful person for not feeling anything when people leave but now i understand i dont feel anything partially cause of my dissociation and because i never had love for them not cause im bad but because you cant love someone that you havent allowed yourself to get attached to. I think i both have a anxious and avoidant because im always somewhat cold and theres walls up and i dont trust but sometimes if someone does spark a little love inside of me my brain freaks out and clings to that idea. ive been abused and abandoned many times and ive given up multiple times and thought everyones just a shallow petty terrible piece of shit when thats not the case.
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Kiwi
I need someones opinion on this.
I don't believe I was neglected as a child, there were definitely shortcomings here and there, but I was always well taken care of.
But I am autistic and learned by myself early on that I should express emotions differently than I would naturally, so that might explain how it could still be rooted in childhood experiences.
I do dream of close relationships. I dream of having life partners, being close and open to someone.
I'm not a closed off person. I can get vulnerable and share my feelings and issues, I like receiving and offering help. I'm a healthy amount of independant.
Yet whenever I enter a relationship and I, too, actively encourage the idea of taking it more serious, I suddenly lose interest and attraction. It becomes harder and harder to access my romantic feelings and subconsciously I'm looking for a way out, a way to leave the relationship. But I still care about that person so so much and know I love them.
My current not quite yet girlfriend is struggling because I'm not taking anything further. I can't even hold hands with her, we've never kissed and I don't know how much I really want to. I see her as this etherial, wonderful person, but the more the relationship develops, the further I withdraw, and I don't know what to do.
This has happened to almost all my relationships so far, where I stopped interacting, texting, meeting, touching the longer the relationship went on. I do not want to hurt her feelings
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I need someones opinion on this.
I don't believe I was neglected as a child, there were definitely shortcomings here and there, but I was always well taken care of.
But I am autistic and learned by myself early on that I should express emotions differently than I would naturally, so that might explain how it could still be rooted in childhood experiences.
I do dream of close relationships. I dream of having life partners, being close and open to someone.
I'm not a closed off person. I can get vulnerable and share my feelings and issues, I like receiving and offering help. I'm a healthy amount of independant.
Yet whenever I enter a relationship and I, too, actively encourage the idea of taking it more serious, I suddenly lose interest and attraction. It becomes harder and harder to access my romantic feelings and subconsciously I'm looking for a way out, a way to leave the relationship. But I still care about that person so so much and know I love them.
My current not quite yet girlfriend is struggling because I'm not taking anything further. I can't even hold hands with her, we've never kissed and I don't know how much I really want to. I see her as this etherial, wonderful person, but the more the relationship develops, the further I withdraw, and I don't know what to do.
This has happened to almost all my relationships so far, where I stopped interacting, texting, meeting, touching the longer the relationship went on. I do not want to hurt her feelings
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Rimma
Agreed to all these.
Dont open up to people easily. Picky people pleaser in my teens and early twenties. Critical of others. Have hard time accepting people as they are.
All relationships ended after 6-7 months due to self sabotage. Mostly my fault. although takes two to break it off.
Inappropriate use of sarcastic/cynical sense of humor.
Thought Sept 9/11 was funny as a teenager. Most kids from class avoided me after that. Obviously got detention from teacher as well.
4 out of 7 middle school teachers thought I had antisocial tendencies.
This made me avoid kids my own age even more.
I was raised my grandparents both are World War 2 orphans. The War World 2 affected them psychologically. My grandfather more so. he went to my school's social worker. on a parent/teacher night. He beat up the social worker. She pinned him to a wall. He left without saying anything. I dont remember what they were discussing. My grades/behavior at school.
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Agreed to all these.
Dont open up to people easily. Picky people pleaser in my teens and early twenties. Critical of others. Have hard time accepting people as they are.
All relationships ended after 6-7 months due to self sabotage. Mostly my fault. although takes two to break it off.
Inappropriate use of sarcastic/cynical sense of humor.
Thought Sept 9/11 was funny as a teenager. Most kids from class avoided me after that. Obviously got detention from teacher as well.
4 out of 7 middle school teachers thought I had antisocial tendencies.
This made me avoid kids my own age even more.
I was raised my grandparents both are World War 2 orphans. The War World 2 affected them psychologically. My grandfather more so. he went to my school's social worker. on a parent/teacher night. He beat up the social worker. She pinned him to a wall. He left without saying anything. I dont remember what they were discussing. My grades/behavior at school.
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jellybeanz
Even if you weren't raised by parents who emotionally neglected you, if you keep meeting with friends, boyfriends and gfs who DO in your teens and adulthood, then you might do the same and become avoidant dismissive. In my teens, I inadvertently joined a Christian cult who never supported my emotional needs. Instead, whenever I needed emotional support like celebrating with me, cheering me on, they repeatedly forced me to look to God and ask God, and they dismissed my need for real genuine friendships. hence my choice later on to become more introverted and not reach out. I think a lot of people are that way unfortunately. This causes severe loneliness and depression and anxiety.
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Even if you weren't raised by parents who emotionally neglected you, if you keep meeting with friends, boyfriends and gfs who DO in your teens and adulthood, then you might do the same and become avoidant dismissive. In my teens, I inadvertently joined a Christian cult who never supported my emotional needs. Instead, whenever I needed emotional support like celebrating with me, cheering me on, they repeatedly forced me to look to God and ask God, and they dismissed my need for real genuine friendships. hence my choice later on to become more introverted and not reach out. I think a lot of people are that way unfortunately. This causes severe loneliness and depression and anxiety.
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aya
I never thought it'll end up this extreme to me. Over these past years ive been vocal of my feelings to my friends however, none of them comforted me the same way i did for them when they are struggling. I was also open in showing emotions but my relatives somehow made it seem like it's uncomfortable or made fun of me. And now ive become so avoidant of people and my emotion; im becoming more apathetic and my avoidant attachment is strong. Ithink it's for the better; that's a price im willing to pay for my own peace and sanity
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I never thought it'll end up this extreme to me. Over these past years ive been vocal of my feelings to my friends however, none of them comforted me the same way i did for them when they are struggling. I was also open in showing emotions but my relatives somehow made it seem like it's uncomfortable or made fun of me. And now ive become so avoidant of people and my emotion; im becoming more apathetic and my avoidant attachment is strong. Ithink it's for the better; that's a price im willing to pay for my own peace and sanity
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Lobotomy
I want to know why all of these psychologists think that hiding vulnerabilities is a bad thing. Have you seen this world? People you may have trusted for most of your life will find those vulnerabilities and prey on or exploit them. It's not an isolated incident, it's not some people, it's virtually everybody. Vulnerability is equivalent to weakness. NEVER show weakness, because there will always be someone there to take advantage of it. You can NEVER take back the things you say to people in confidence, so don't do it.
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I want to know why all of these psychologists think that hiding vulnerabilities is a bad thing. Have you seen this world? People you may have trusted for most of your life will find those vulnerabilities and prey on or exploit them. It's not an isolated incident, it's not some people, it's virtually everybody. Vulnerability is equivalent to weakness. NEVER show weakness, because there will always be someone there to take advantage of it. You can NEVER take back the things you say to people in confidence, so don't do it.
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Nico
Curious to know, what should we do if we are this kind of person.
I still remember the things that happened when I was a kid. But I am not sure what to do with it to get rid of it because it is affecting my life and my relationship with others.
Meanwhile, others find it hard to understand why I behave like this. I tend to fake it and make myself blend in to act cool about everything.
Desperate to know how. if Psych2Go team is willing to make a video about this, I would really truly appreciate it.
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Curious to know, what should we do if we are this kind of person.
I still remember the things that happened when I was a kid. But I am not sure what to do with it to get rid of it because it is affecting my life and my relationship with others.
Meanwhile, others find it hard to understand why I behave like this. I tend to fake it and make myself blend in to act cool about everything.
Desperate to know how. if Psych2Go team is willing to make a video about this, I would really truly appreciate it.
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kia
This hits home. When my self loathing first showed up, I was going to talk to one of my parents about it, but eventually ignored it. As time passed by, and especially last year, they became even worse, along with various other issues (internet addiction, short temper, impulsivity, resentment, etc. I didnt discuss it with anybody, out of fear they might shrug it off and tell me to grow up, or use it against me. Fortunately, however, right now I am starting to get my life back together. :(
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This hits home. When my self loathing first showed up, I was going to talk to one of my parents about it, but eventually ignored it. As time passed by, and especially last year, they became even worse, along with various other issues (internet addiction, short temper, impulsivity, resentment, etc. I didnt discuss it with anybody, out of fear they might shrug it off and tell me to grow up, or use it against me. Fortunately, however, right now I am starting to get my life back together. :(
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Knight
In my early teenage years I was very friendly and also happy in a romantic relationship. But after experiencing betrayal from my friends and disloyality and ignorance from the person I loved the most, I somehow believed that it was my fault. After a year when I looked back and realised those things, it made me an avoidant attachment displaying person. Now even if I try to embrace new relationships which are good for me, I avoid or ignore them and their feelings get hurt.
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In my early teenage years I was very friendly and also happy in a romantic relationship. But after experiencing betrayal from my friends and disloyality and ignorance from the person I loved the most, I somehow believed that it was my fault. After a year when I looked back and realised those things, it made me an avoidant attachment displaying person. Now even if I try to embrace new relationships which are good for me, I avoid or ignore them and their feelings get hurt.
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Samantha
Identifying the name you can't understand feels like a child that has been found and taken to the childcare establishment, but still finding your true parents(aka, your true self.
I just don't know what to do with myself sometimes. I've been sarcastically self-sabotaging myself because it feels like I don't deserve to be at least in good things. Negative talks whenever I see my friends on social media having friends, it goes like this every day. I feel helpless.
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Identifying the name you can't understand feels like a child that has been found and taken to the childcare establishment, but still finding your true parents(aka, your true self.
I just don't know what to do with myself sometimes. I've been sarcastically self-sabotaging myself because it feels like I don't deserve to be at least in good things. Negative talks whenever I see my friends on social media having friends, it goes like this every day. I feel helpless.
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candyque
Well my thinking has always been like people would only accept me if I do something for them. So that is the more major point which made me become like this which I am now. Well this also makes me an big introvert coz often I would realize why the hell they wanna know about me? I mean for what reason. Or more like what they want from me when the people might actually wanna know me Or whatever.
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Well my thinking has always been like people would only accept me if I do something for them. So that is the more major point which made me become like this which I am now. Well this also makes me an big introvert coz often I would realize why the hell they wanna know about me? I mean for what reason. Or more like what they want from me when the people might actually wanna know me Or whatever.
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Jix
When a friend started to hug me alot, i subconciously began to avoid her. Now i know what the reason for that could be.
Surpressing emotions and having only shallow relationships hits really hard.
The reason for that isn't because of my parents, its because of me being bullied in the first 6 years of school.
Im working on it and i hope i can fix it completely in the near future
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When a friend started to hug me alot, i subconciously began to avoid her. Now i know what the reason for that could be.
Surpressing emotions and having only shallow relationships hits really hard.
The reason for that isn't because of my parents, its because of me being bullied in the first 6 years of school.
Im working on it and i hope i can fix it completely in the near future
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Angie
Thank you for the video. I feel seen. For a long time I feel that I am the problem for not wanting a long lasting relationship. The relationship with others makes me feel trapped and feels like I can't be myself. Finally I know what happened and I hope I can slowly change for the better.
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Thank you for the video. I feel seen. For a long time I feel that I am the problem for not wanting a long lasting relationship. The relationship with others makes me feel trapped and feels like I can't be myself. Finally I know what happened and I hope I can slowly change for the better.
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Andrew
Avoidance attachment is not a wrong thing. It depends on situation and individual personalities. I think it is a capability to be able to do avoidance attachment and this skill is required to succeed in life. after all, humans are naturally social creatures, with parent or not
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Avoidance attachment is not a wrong thing. It depends on situation and individual personalities. I think it is a capability to be able to do avoidance attachment and this skill is required to succeed in life. after all, humans are naturally social creatures, with parent or not
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_HELLO
Hm. I really don't have time too watch I'm happy that I could listen on Spotify I found this other video 7 signs you may have abandonment issues And how your childhood affects your life and i relate too them even being burned out without realising it. thank you -
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Hm. I really don't have time too watch I'm happy that I could listen on Spotify I found this other video 7 signs you may have abandonment issues And how your childhood affects your life and i relate too them even being burned out without realising it. thank you -
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Янакі
I hate videos like this. How can I possibly relate to all 8 things? It was specifically made to make people spineless always crying babies. A true man needs to suffer phisicaly and emotionaly to grow. Fight through it to overcome. That's how our world works.
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I hate videos like this. How can I possibly relate to all 8 things? It was specifically made to make people spineless always crying babies. A true man needs to suffer phisicaly and emotionaly to grow. Fight through it to overcome. That's how our world works.
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Etude
I hate avoidant attachment people, for me an avoidant should never have a relationship until they found out what trigger they trauma and overcome, instead of being manipulative, blamming and leaving others for their mistakes and trauma
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I hate avoidant attachment people, for me an avoidant should never have a relationship until they found out what trigger they trauma and overcome, instead of being manipulative, blamming and leaving others for their mistakes and trauma
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Samantha
It sucks that I can't remember my childhood past, and it leads to me being clueless about where my undiagnosed anxiety, anti-social, and this problem root.
I wanted to ask many questions to my mom, but I don't know how to start.
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It sucks that I can't remember my childhood past, and it leads to me being clueless about where my undiagnosed anxiety, anti-social, and this problem root.
I wanted to ask many questions to my mom, but I don't know how to start.
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VeautifulEnergy
Attachment is an invitation to give your heart to people who will stay a short period of time, only to get the heart shattered into pieces by them like leaving or betrayal or making you feel unwanted and lonely
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Attachment is an invitation to give your heart to people who will stay a short period of time, only to get the heart shattered into pieces by them like leaving or betrayal or making you feel unwanted and lonely
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Weon
I'm surprised because I clicked on this video thinking I'd learn something about some of my problems (avoidance sounds quite accurate, but every single trait described in the video actually matched with a friend. Thanks
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I'm surprised because I clicked on this video thinking I'd learn something about some of my problems (avoidance sounds quite accurate, but every single trait described in the video actually matched with a friend. Thanks
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Ell
i dont know if its only me but i want to be close to people and want a loving relationship but once im in that situation i completely close out and want the person away from me or to end the relationship
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i dont know if its only me but i want to be close to people and want a loving relationship but once im in that situation i completely close out and want the person away from me or to end the relationship
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Xanderism
I have friends, but I don't trust em' it's like in my mind anything's possible even the worst scenarios, I don't trust my loved ones nor my close ones. it's really annoying, lmao
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I have friends, but I don't trust em' it's like in my mind anything's possible even the worst scenarios, I don't trust my loved ones nor my close ones. it's really annoying, lmao
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education
But, I don't see the benefit of sharing my feelings with anyone. I'm not listened to anyway by anyone, so why should I? I'd rather be myself than the Real Housewives of whatever.
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But, I don't see the benefit of sharing my feelings with anyone. I'm not listened to anyway by anyone, so why should I? I'd rather be myself than the Real Housewives of whatever.
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psalm
My mother yelled at me about everything and of course bullying and gaslighting in friendships did not help. I don't like feeling the wall inside of me because I want to be in love
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My mother yelled at me about everything and of course bullying and gaslighting in friendships did not help. I don't like feeling the wall inside of me because I want to be in love
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Adrian
I just think it's like f' it's too hard to deal with other people, and ultimately not worth it. At least with intimacy. I'm all about dealing with people but not too deeply.
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I just think it's like f' it's too hard to deal with other people, and ultimately not worth it. At least with intimacy. I'm all about dealing with people but not too deeply.
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