8 Signs Its A Trauma Bond, Not Love
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
education
About a week ago my husband of nearly 7 years grabbed me and dragged me so hard he left finger shaped bruises on my arms. This is not the first time he has abused me, nor the first time he has done so IN FRONT OF OUR KIDS. Now he is all sweet and lovey at me again, and I feel like I'm falling apart. When i say things to him like I feel like I want to die, he chides me cause You know I dont like you saying stuff like that! I am supposed to put all the pain away back in it's little box, and i can barely even be there with my kids cause I'm just sobbing and crying all over the place. We just bought a house together, and have just moved in, first real house I have ever owned. I have no support system, my parents are both dead (they were self absorbed and abusive too anyway, it's not like them being alive would really help) and I am not close with any of my family. The thought of leaving him is unimaginable, he is my only source of stability and comfort, my whole life is life is tied up with him, and I cant lose everything and be all alone again. What do you do when there really is nothing you actually CAN do?
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About a week ago my husband of nearly 7 years grabbed me and dragged me so hard he left finger shaped bruises on my arms. This is not the first time he has abused me, nor the first time he has done so IN FRONT OF OUR KIDS. Now he is all sweet and lovey at me again, and I feel like I'm falling apart. When i say things to him like I feel like I want to die, he chides me cause You know I dont like you saying stuff like that! I am supposed to put all the pain away back in it's little box, and i can barely even be there with my kids cause I'm just sobbing and crying all over the place. We just bought a house together, and have just moved in, first real house I have ever owned. I have no support system, my parents are both dead (they were self absorbed and abusive too anyway, it's not like them being alive would really help) and I am not close with any of my family. The thought of leaving him is unimaginable, he is my only source of stability and comfort, my whole life is life is tied up with him, and I cant lose everything and be all alone again. What do you do when there really is nothing you actually CAN do?
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The
I was in a toxic relationship for 2 years and I can't believe sometimes I still haunted by this trauma bond till today (4 years later. It's a fact that a toxic partner tends to hurt us first, before apologizing. He tried to blame me for something I didn't do wrong and ofc because I was so in love with him I feel so guilty that I let him down. Right after the fight he will forgive me and let me feel the sense of comfort. (Which in a healthy relationship you could always feel comfort in a normal ocassion, You dont have to put a fight just because you want to feel comfort later. The manipulative behavior that repetitiously occur makes me think that despite all the bad things that happened (which also was caused by him, he still fully caring and love me. Until today sometimes I still miss the special treatment he did that made me feel comfort (which it's not right at all because the comfort was only the result of the manipulative behavior. So I guess I'm still in trauma bonds and I'm scared that it will affect my relationship with my today partner.
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I was in a toxic relationship for 2 years and I can't believe sometimes I still haunted by this trauma bond till today (4 years later. It's a fact that a toxic partner tends to hurt us first, before apologizing. He tried to blame me for something I didn't do wrong and ofc because I was so in love with him I feel so guilty that I let him down. Right after the fight he will forgive me and let me feel the sense of comfort. (Which in a healthy relationship you could always feel comfort in a normal ocassion, You dont have to put a fight just because you want to feel comfort later. The manipulative behavior that repetitiously occur makes me think that despite all the bad things that happened (which also was caused by him, he still fully caring and love me. Until today sometimes I still miss the special treatment he did that made me feel comfort (which it's not right at all because the comfort was only the result of the manipulative behavior. So I guess I'm still in trauma bonds and I'm scared that it will affect my relationship with my today partner.
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amber
. everyone is a narcissistic, everyone is selfish and self serving and will hurt others to get what they want. Everyone is a sinner period. This kind of video isn't truth It's a form of manipulation in itself that actually makes these traits more attractive to people! Open your eyes yall, the sin in this world IS out to kill us. Look to christ who died for the sinners and unrighteous! God calls us to love one another and human do anything but that! But it's not just specific people it's everyone! Look at yourself! Ask yourself have you ever hurt someone else to get what you wanted no matter how small! And if you say you haven't then your lying to yourself ask around. you've hurt someone with selfishness. And If someone hurts you you hurt them back right? No! You love them. Love your enemy! This is an anti Christian teaching and it's hurting us in the end! In christ alone will you find hope, true peace and comfort even in the worst of trials repent and turn to him becaue he's coming back and it won't be long. don't be deceived!
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. everyone is a narcissistic, everyone is selfish and self serving and will hurt others to get what they want. Everyone is a sinner period. This kind of video isn't truth It's a form of manipulation in itself that actually makes these traits more attractive to people! Open your eyes yall, the sin in this world IS out to kill us. Look to christ who died for the sinners and unrighteous! God calls us to love one another and human do anything but that! But it's not just specific people it's everyone! Look at yourself! Ask yourself have you ever hurt someone else to get what you wanted no matter how small! And if you say you haven't then your lying to yourself ask around. you've hurt someone with selfishness. And If someone hurts you you hurt them back right? No! You love them. Love your enemy! This is an anti Christian teaching and it's hurting us in the end! In christ alone will you find hope, true peace and comfort even in the worst of trials repent and turn to him becaue he's coming back and it won't be long. don't be deceived!
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kim
Several things from my experiences: I've always been drawn to men who thought like my first abuser; smart, analytical, unemotional. Made me an easy target. It can't be abuse if there's no yelling going on. They usually picked up on my self-doubt, made me feel that my numbness was a sign of intelligence, then preyed on my lack of self-confidence. It gets confusing. Starts off with love-bombing, then ever-so-slowly that's removed. Statements like you didn't really make that same mistake again, did you? Laughing. I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you! it's words combined with vibes (attitude. The good news is being blessed with kind people who care enough to tell me truths and introduce me to alien thinking: It's not funny when you joke about yourself. Please stop. I wasn't used to being encouraged and led into healthy thinking that doesn't twist into negativity and ulterior motives. How very refreshing.
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Several things from my experiences: I've always been drawn to men who thought like my first abuser; smart, analytical, unemotional. Made me an easy target. It can't be abuse if there's no yelling going on. They usually picked up on my self-doubt, made me feel that my numbness was a sign of intelligence, then preyed on my lack of self-confidence. It gets confusing. Starts off with love-bombing, then ever-so-slowly that's removed. Statements like you didn't really make that same mistake again, did you? Laughing. I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you! it's words combined with vibes (attitude. The good news is being blessed with kind people who care enough to tell me truths and introduce me to alien thinking: It's not funny when you joke about yourself. Please stop. I wasn't used to being encouraged and led into healthy thinking that doesn't twist into negativity and ulterior motives. How very refreshing.
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Ngn
I need some advices guys So like my partner is not abusive, I know it. But like both of us tend to self-harm when we argue too bad and we both find it hard to calm ourselves down. The things is Im more prone to admit my false and more willing to change for the better while he is more stubborn about his action. I know we both gotto grow up a lot cause were still very young. But sometimes I just feel like I want a man, a man who can be calmer and take care of me rather than make each other go crazy. The good time with him is the best time, but also the bad time is just too intense. I love him and we got too many good memories, Im so attached to him too. But I dont know if one day I can not take it anymore and choose to leave (which yeah I want to find ways to make it better and avoid that.
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I need some advices guys So like my partner is not abusive, I know it. But like both of us tend to self-harm when we argue too bad and we both find it hard to calm ourselves down. The things is Im more prone to admit my false and more willing to change for the better while he is more stubborn about his action. I know we both gotto grow up a lot cause were still very young. But sometimes I just feel like I want a man, a man who can be calmer and take care of me rather than make each other go crazy. The good time with him is the best time, but also the bad time is just too intense. I love him and we got too many good memories, Im so attached to him too. But I dont know if one day I can not take it anymore and choose to leave (which yeah I want to find ways to make it better and avoid that.
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Pramit
why is it that even in your graphic representation of cuddly personae, the abuser invariably has defining masculine features while the victim appears or seems to display feminine traits? I know you are trying to do a good thing by exploring different aspects of our personalities and the challenges we experience. It might however do some good to consider how someone, who isn't familiar with psychology, but is dealing with challenges, might take your word for all you say, or make inferences that may lead to misinterpretations. Granted mental health is a complex issue, it is also highly personal. There may be traits and trends that are common but the specific details matter and its VERY important to have a trained professional guide us through them.
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why is it that even in your graphic representation of cuddly personae, the abuser invariably has defining masculine features while the victim appears or seems to display feminine traits? I know you are trying to do a good thing by exploring different aspects of our personalities and the challenges we experience. It might however do some good to consider how someone, who isn't familiar with psychology, but is dealing with challenges, might take your word for all you say, or make inferences that may lead to misinterpretations. Granted mental health is a complex issue, it is also highly personal. There may be traits and trends that are common but the specific details matter and its VERY important to have a trained professional guide us through them.
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slkjslkj
I think its worth noting that its not always helpful to call the other person an abuser or abusive. People that do this stuff also may have complex trauma and react in undesirable ways because of it (ie. projecting, being volatile or defensive etc, but still actually love you. Sometimes the best thing is to accept that when walking away, and is empowering because youre not just seeing yourself as someones victim, but you recognised its not going to work and you chose to walk away autonomously. The word abuser gets thrown around so much atm (sure, some ppl are flat out abusive) but theres also a trend of people referring to relationships as abusive when one (or both) involved were in a shit time of their life or mentally unstable.
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I think its worth noting that its not always helpful to call the other person an abuser or abusive. People that do this stuff also may have complex trauma and react in undesirable ways because of it (ie. projecting, being volatile or defensive etc, but still actually love you. Sometimes the best thing is to accept that when walking away, and is empowering because youre not just seeing yourself as someones victim, but you recognised its not going to work and you chose to walk away autonomously. The word abuser gets thrown around so much atm (sure, some ppl are flat out abusive) but theres also a trend of people referring to relationships as abusive when one (or both) involved were in a shit time of their life or mentally unstable.
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clarayes
Everything resonates, I had seen it all around. My parents relationship, my sister and her husband and I recently ended up a friendship because the friend was very critical, rude and demanding. I just couldn't take it anymore. I felt like I was walking on eggshells. It was very toxic I didn't know how to protect myself that I was avoiding this person as much as possible until I could not take it anymore. We have to love our selves and if it's hurtful that's a red flag. At the end I confronted her and she said I magine everything and that she has never been rude and she doesn't need to be my friend. We ended.
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Everything resonates, I had seen it all around. My parents relationship, my sister and her husband and I recently ended up a friendship because the friend was very critical, rude and demanding. I just couldn't take it anymore. I felt like I was walking on eggshells. It was very toxic I didn't know how to protect myself that I was avoiding this person as much as possible until I could not take it anymore. We have to love our selves and if it's hurtful that's a red flag. At the end I confronted her and she said I magine everything and that she has never been rude and she doesn't need to be my friend. We ended.
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Ishow_shadow
My mom needs this but she doesnt speak English Ive watched her get hit so many times by her boyfriends in the past even now that I am 17 she still and I am still watching that when talk to her she tell us its her fault even though its not and he locks the door even though he stabbed my little brother for standing up for my mom she didnt do nothing they kicked me out came back she had a mark in her face when I called the cops even told them he threaten to kill me they didnt do nothing they said unless my mom call they cant do nothing
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My mom needs this but she doesnt speak English Ive watched her get hit so many times by her boyfriends in the past even now that I am 17 she still and I am still watching that when talk to her she tell us its her fault even though its not and he locks the door even though he stabbed my little brother for standing up for my mom she didnt do nothing they kicked me out came back she had a mark in her face when I called the cops even told them he threaten to kill me they didnt do nothing they said unless my mom call they cant do nothing
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Noah
Every single one of these points is so true and I had all of those things happened to me and never knew it at the time number seven especially resonates with me, because I just got out of a very very abusive and toxic friendship and I thought that person was my best friend, after four years of constant abuse from them I am finally free and watching this video Really opens my eyes even more to what I went through with that person and how Im very grateful to be free from her abuse.
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Every single one of these points is so true and I had all of those things happened to me and never knew it at the time number seven especially resonates with me, because I just got out of a very very abusive and toxic friendship and I thought that person was my best friend, after four years of constant abuse from them I am finally free and watching this video Really opens my eyes even more to what I went through with that person and how Im very grateful to be free from her abuse.
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lol
its hard to admit but i feel like i am this person in the relationship. i want to change but idk where to start. its just that it feels like if i dont do the stuff that im doing ill end up getting hurt instead and i dont wanna be hurt again thts why im like tht but honestly i can see how this coping mechanism is very unhealthy. ive tried to break off the relationship a bunch of times but they just wouldnt let go and trying to change while being w them still is so hard.
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its hard to admit but i feel like i am this person in the relationship. i want to change but idk where to start. its just that it feels like if i dont do the stuff that im doing ill end up getting hurt instead and i dont wanna be hurt again thts why im like tht but honestly i can see how this coping mechanism is very unhealthy. ive tried to break off the relationship a bunch of times but they just wouldnt let go and trying to change while being w them still is so hard.
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Lori
Concise summary.
1. They are outwardly charming.
2. They are emotionally unpredictable.
3. They take their problems out on you.
4. They isolate you from other loved ones.
5. You minimize the consequences of their behavior on you.
6. You constantly make excuses for them.
7. You are becoming more emotionally detached and numb.
8. You are hiding aspects of your relationship with others. You know something is wrong.
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Concise summary.
1. They are outwardly charming.
2. They are emotionally unpredictable.
3. They take their problems out on you.
4. They isolate you from other loved ones.
5. You minimize the consequences of their behavior on you.
6. You constantly make excuses for them.
7. You are becoming more emotionally detached and numb.
8. You are hiding aspects of your relationship with others. You know something is wrong.
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Stéphane
The hardest thing is keep on beleiving you are a beautiful human being, because narcissic abuse is a dangerous venom, take time. breathe. tell yourself that all that st comes from the other, you have made no big mistake, it's natural as humans. hoping for love. the right one will respect you. never sees weakness. as weakness. if you're nice. the good will be nice too. protect yourself. if you see red flags. leave in silence.
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The hardest thing is keep on beleiving you are a beautiful human being, because narcissic abuse is a dangerous venom, take time. breathe. tell yourself that all that st comes from the other, you have made no big mistake, it's natural as humans. hoping for love. the right one will respect you. never sees weakness. as weakness. if you're nice. the good will be nice too. protect yourself. if you see red flags. leave in silence.
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Adrian
My girlfriend danced with one of class mates I kept telling myself that she did it because I was a jealous person and that might be true but after that we would go to parties with him there and that completely ruined the relationship I asked for her to not be around him but she always choose to be around him rather then saying no it didnt work out I became very detached and depressed hopefully my next relationship will be better
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My girlfriend danced with one of class mates I kept telling myself that she did it because I was a jealous person and that might be true but after that we would go to parties with him there and that completely ruined the relationship I asked for her to not be around him but she always choose to be around him rather then saying no it didnt work out I became very detached and depressed hopefully my next relationship will be better
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Samar
I could relate to all the points. Maybe my partner relates to a few but I sure as hell relate to all. I'm tired of fighting but I can't seem to get out of this and despite my best attempts to fix the situtation, nothing works. It's like there's some invisible monster that ruins all my attempts. Both of us cant seem to end it. I just pray for peace for both of us. It's been too much. Really too much. We need help. Both of us.
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I could relate to all the points. Maybe my partner relates to a few but I sure as hell relate to all. I'm tired of fighting but I can't seem to get out of this and despite my best attempts to fix the situtation, nothing works. It's like there's some invisible monster that ruins all my attempts. Both of us cant seem to end it. I just pray for peace for both of us. It's been too much. Really too much. We need help. Both of us.
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Mister
If I tell her that I dont like something in our relationship and she says I behave in that way only because you do not make my life the way I want to/ you make my life worse and then I have a depression episode (become numb, tremor, shaking, crying inside) and after that she says that I get on her nerves with that and I have to care for her because if I dont theres going to be sone serious problems is that it?
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If I tell her that I dont like something in our relationship and she says I behave in that way only because you do not make my life the way I want to/ you make my life worse and then I have a depression episode (become numb, tremor, shaking, crying inside) and after that she says that I get on her nerves with that and I have to care for her because if I dont theres going to be sone serious problems is that it?
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Lazyboi24_7
I beg anyone here that is watching this, please wake up and realize that this love is nothing but a Fantasia, and you are stuck in a snare with a person with their own set of complex problems and insecurities that act as nothing but a constant punch in the gut in a relationship until it finally either becomes to much or you're in ruins. Please wake up.
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I beg anyone here that is watching this, please wake up and realize that this love is nothing but a Fantasia, and you are stuck in a snare with a person with their own set of complex problems and insecurities that act as nothing but a constant punch in the gut in a relationship until it finally either becomes to much or you're in ruins. Please wake up.
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Nice
Just got out of one of these. The person (at least in my experience) will try to just make friends even if youve just left them a few days. They figure you dont want a relationship so they try the lesser version to try to pull you back in and dig their claws into you again. Dont buy it. Ignore them. Just my advice.
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Just got out of one of these. The person (at least in my experience) will try to just make friends even if youve just left them a few days. They figure you dont want a relationship so they try the lesser version to try to pull you back in and dig their claws into you again. Dont buy it. Ignore them. Just my advice.
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Sara
I'm going through this I can relate to all 8
And I Don't know how to leave
He just told to shut up or else he's gonna make me I don't what to do and how to bring myself to leave I feel horrible and detached I can't reach out to anyone because everyone already told me to leave I don't know why I can't and how
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I'm going through this I can relate to all 8
And I Don't know how to leave
He just told to shut up or else he's gonna make me I don't what to do and how to bring myself to leave I feel horrible and detached I can't reach out to anyone because everyone already told me to leave I don't know why I can't and how
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Mao
Im actually friends with someone who never likes it when I talk to my friends they are always saying why dont you go talk to them or you love them more than me and then after I try to calm them down they just start apologizing say they never meant to hurt me but they still keep saying things about my other friends
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Im actually friends with someone who never likes it when I talk to my friends they are always saying why dont you go talk to them or you love them more than me and then after I try to calm them down they just start apologizing say they never meant to hurt me but they still keep saying things about my other friends
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dwermes
Not only did I stick with my rebound, he turned controlling in his own issues and now we have two kids after 12 years. I wish I had the wherewithal to put my foot down when he wanted children because I never did. And now I am attempting not to screw them up as my childhood has been so screwed up.
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Not only did I stick with my rebound, he turned controlling in his own issues and now we have two kids after 12 years. I wish I had the wherewithal to put my foot down when he wanted children because I never did. And now I am attempting not to screw them up as my childhood has been so screwed up.
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Lisa
Phew, the feeling number part just hit me like a freight train. I don't speak up about anything anymore because it's not even worth it to me at this point. I tried convincing myself we fought less because it was getting better but, really it's just because I just let everything go.
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Phew, the feeling number part just hit me like a freight train. I don't speak up about anything anymore because it's not even worth it to me at this point. I tried convincing myself we fought less because it was getting better but, really it's just because I just let everything go.
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Antara
I am crying like a baby watching this. I feel so broken. Its painful to watch myself still love him, even though I had to end the relationship when I recognised these signs for the 3rd time. Clearly, I am not learning my lessons well and cannot be alone.
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I am crying like a baby watching this. I feel so broken. Its painful to watch myself still love him, even though I had to end the relationship when I recognised these signs for the 3rd time. Clearly, I am not learning my lessons well and cannot be alone.
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education
10 years of a friendship/relationship ended recently for me because i realized how sneaky their abuse was but the way this video fits how i felt in our relationship for so long just makes it clear.
it was never love, it was a trauma bond.
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10 years of a friendship/relationship ended recently for me because i realized how sneaky their abuse was but the way this video fits how i felt in our relationship for so long just makes it clear.
it was never love, it was a trauma bond.
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education
Thank you for your video. The signs were obvious, but i literally made excuses, sometimes blamed myself. i own makeup just from having to hide visible bruises. Shes in jail and im working toward undoing damage from chaos that became normal.
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Thank you for your video. The signs were obvious, but i literally made excuses, sometimes blamed myself. i own makeup just from having to hide visible bruises. Shes in jail and im working toward undoing damage from chaos that became normal.
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