How Your Childhood Trauma Shapes You
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 23
SpawnTheReaper
I know how it is to have over bearing parents. At my mom's house I saw constant physical and mental abuse from my stepdad. Until the age of 12 when my mother lost her partial visitation rights with me. At my dad's I was always grounded because of acting out at school or something dumb. I realized later in life that me acting out at school was my way of venting or having a form of escape. I was honestly a pretty mean person in my youth I was bitter and kids don't know how to properly deal with things. So instead of letting stuff go I bottled everything up and became a walking landmine. My options when I was home were sit on the edge of my bed and look at the wall or read, when I reached 8th grade I was able to sleep. I was only allowed to leave my room 2 times a night when I got home from school. (I was allowed to eat and 1 bathroom use/glass of water)I only went to 1 sleep over at a friend's, and it was when I was 13. My dad and all of his ex's are alcoholics so they we're never home on weekends and there was never food in the fridge. I had to basically raise myself and my sister once I hit high school. My dad was very mentally/verbally and sometimes physically abusive. I have pretty bad anxiety and depression when I was a kid I struggled with stuttering from the constant stress I was under. I'm pretty antisocial/socially awkward. I wish there was a manual for life I'm so ill prepared.
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I know how it is to have over bearing parents. At my mom's house I saw constant physical and mental abuse from my stepdad. Until the age of 12 when my mother lost her partial visitation rights with me. At my dad's I was always grounded because of acting out at school or something dumb. I realized later in life that me acting out at school was my way of venting or having a form of escape. I was honestly a pretty mean person in my youth I was bitter and kids don't know how to properly deal with things. So instead of letting stuff go I bottled everything up and became a walking landmine. My options when I was home were sit on the edge of my bed and look at the wall or read, when I reached 8th grade I was able to sleep. I was only allowed to leave my room 2 times a night when I got home from school. (I was allowed to eat and 1 bathroom use/glass of water)I only went to 1 sleep over at a friend's, and it was when I was 13. My dad and all of his ex's are alcoholics so they we're never home on weekends and there was never food in the fridge. I had to basically raise myself and my sister once I hit high school. My dad was very mentally/verbally and sometimes physically abusive. I have pretty bad anxiety and depression when I was a kid I struggled with stuttering from the constant stress I was under. I'm pretty antisocial/socially awkward. I wish there was a manual for life I'm so ill prepared.
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Miss
My trauma came from being different than everybody else growing up. All the friends I had ended up being fake and leaving me in childhood. I had nobody growing aside from my parents who both worked all the time, which was good because we were poor. So often times, I ended up all alone. Cue in abusive toxic relationship with this girl and into high school, I wasnt afraid of loneliness anymore. Yet, I still ended up losing people from high school and then her too. All my life, nobody ever stayed. All my life, I was bullied and lonely. I could never do anything right in anybodys eyes either. I was defective I told myself. I had this image of self loathing all throughout my life. On top of that, I was taught Self Love=Selfish and wrong, being humble (which meant belittling yourself to nothing in their eyes) was seen as righteous. So anytime I felt good about myself, I learned to punish myself or self sabotage. As a result, into adulthood, punishing myself and self inflicting while pushing everybody away was my go to because I had the mindset well, everybody will eventually leave me because I dont matter, might as well be alone from the get go. Luckily, I have friends who pushed through that barrier and pushed me into the direction of self help. I struggle with worth still, but Im getting there.
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My trauma came from being different than everybody else growing up. All the friends I had ended up being fake and leaving me in childhood. I had nobody growing aside from my parents who both worked all the time, which was good because we were poor. So often times, I ended up all alone. Cue in abusive toxic relationship with this girl and into high school, I wasnt afraid of loneliness anymore. Yet, I still ended up losing people from high school and then her too. All my life, nobody ever stayed. All my life, I was bullied and lonely. I could never do anything right in anybodys eyes either. I was defective I told myself. I had this image of self loathing all throughout my life. On top of that, I was taught Self Love=Selfish and wrong, being humble (which meant belittling yourself to nothing in their eyes) was seen as righteous. So anytime I felt good about myself, I learned to punish myself or self sabotage. As a result, into adulthood, punishing myself and self inflicting while pushing everybody away was my go to because I had the mindset well, everybody will eventually leave me because I dont matter, might as well be alone from the get go. Luckily, I have friends who pushed through that barrier and pushed me into the direction of self help. I struggle with worth still, but Im getting there.
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Samantha
My dad had a very rough childhood. He was abused and neglected by his mother. This has unfortunately been passed to his kids, us. He never hit us. But whenever he's angry. He screams and shouts. He hits walls, putting holes in them or throws objects. When we misbehaved or felt like we were being treated poorly. He would use his frame to tower over us, back us into a corner and scream until we curled up and surrendered. He even threatened us that if we hurt his wife notice he didn't say our mom, he would put us on the street. We were 8, 12, and 13 at the time. None of us had thoughts of hurting mom. He said that cause we felt like we were not being heard and according to them, we talked back which was grounds for kicking us out. Individualism was not celebrated in our house. Our parents told us to talk to them, but when we did. We were always wrong or it didn't share their opinions. So we stopped talking to them, then they got mad. Just because a parent doesn't physically hurt their child. Doesn't give mental and emotional abuse a pass. I was told I was lucky to have a dad. But at time, I wish I didn't. He instilled so much fear in me as a kid that when I grew up and lost that fear. I didn't feel anything.
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My dad had a very rough childhood. He was abused and neglected by his mother. This has unfortunately been passed to his kids, us. He never hit us. But whenever he's angry. He screams and shouts. He hits walls, putting holes in them or throws objects. When we misbehaved or felt like we were being treated poorly. He would use his frame to tower over us, back us into a corner and scream until we curled up and surrendered. He even threatened us that if we hurt his wife notice he didn't say our mom, he would put us on the street. We were 8, 12, and 13 at the time. None of us had thoughts of hurting mom. He said that cause we felt like we were not being heard and according to them, we talked back which was grounds for kicking us out. Individualism was not celebrated in our house. Our parents told us to talk to them, but when we did. We were always wrong or it didn't share their opinions. So we stopped talking to them, then they got mad. Just because a parent doesn't physically hurt their child. Doesn't give mental and emotional abuse a pass. I was told I was lucky to have a dad. But at time, I wish I didn't. He instilled so much fear in me as a kid that when I grew up and lost that fear. I didn't feel anything.
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Shirley
This video really struck a lot of us hard! I am fortunate to have a fantastic therapist who is qualified in many modalities of therapy. She has brought me so far, yes I am working my butt off too, but even my psychiatrist is surprised with the changes she has helped me make. Im almost 69 years old, but it is still worth the effort to make the rest of my life better. For those of you who relive your traumatic events, over and over, if you can find a therapist who is qualified to do Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART, that person can help you. I was reliving a traumatic event from when I was 14 years old, every day. All these years, every day. After a session with ART the haunting has mostly vanished. Therapy isnt easy, you have to work, but you can get better with the right help. It is wonderful that we are all sharing our stories. We care about each other! I find that care and positive vibes come from sometimes the least expected people and places. Dont give up! You are worth fighting for! I thank everyone who has commented here. We now are no longer alone in our pain.
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This video really struck a lot of us hard! I am fortunate to have a fantastic therapist who is qualified in many modalities of therapy. She has brought me so far, yes I am working my butt off too, but even my psychiatrist is surprised with the changes she has helped me make. Im almost 69 years old, but it is still worth the effort to make the rest of my life better. For those of you who relive your traumatic events, over and over, if you can find a therapist who is qualified to do Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART, that person can help you. I was reliving a traumatic event from when I was 14 years old, every day. All these years, every day. After a session with ART the haunting has mostly vanished. Therapy isnt easy, you have to work, but you can get better with the right help. It is wonderful that we are all sharing our stories. We care about each other! I find that care and positive vibes come from sometimes the least expected people and places. Dont give up! You are worth fighting for! I thank everyone who has commented here. We now are no longer alone in our pain.
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mr.
friends dont stick around, they leave me and they dont care. my parents dont even give a shit about me, when i start to tell them how i feel they tell me that i need to ignore the small things. ive tried. for years and years and years and i just cant anymore. i havent cried in months, everything is crushing me and spitting me out as a depressed burnt out disappointment that no one can fix. im just a broken toy in the trash, that will never see the light of happiness again, and im never in control and i cant even deal with this anymore. im done with the gaslighting, the abuse, everything. nothing has made me more depressed than just living and having to deal with the trauma of childhood and depression. so much ive gone thru that no one believes or i cant tell them because ill be criticized and im sorry but yet i dont care at the same time and im breaking down day by day
im sorry for the huge rant, i couldnt handle it anymore. thanks to all that listen
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friends dont stick around, they leave me and they dont care. my parents dont even give a shit about me, when i start to tell them how i feel they tell me that i need to ignore the small things. ive tried. for years and years and years and i just cant anymore. i havent cried in months, everything is crushing me and spitting me out as a depressed burnt out disappointment that no one can fix. im just a broken toy in the trash, that will never see the light of happiness again, and im never in control and i cant even deal with this anymore. im done with the gaslighting, the abuse, everything. nothing has made me more depressed than just living and having to deal with the trauma of childhood and depression. so much ive gone thru that no one believes or i cant tell them because ill be criticized and im sorry but yet i dont care at the same time and im breaking down day by day
im sorry for the huge rant, i couldnt handle it anymore. thanks to all that listen
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Maria
I read trauma
I thought its like what I experienced
But its far
My second mom and my big sister on her got a fight,
I didn't know why but I know this big sister of my told me so many times that she love me and I'm the favorite sibling she have,
So I know they both love me
But that time they both scary
And this another big sister of mine younger to her said to me that our big sister want us dead
I know she's lying
But that feeling gave this feeling that till now I feel awkward to talk to her
She still saying 'oh this is my favorite sibling' every time she introduced me to her friends
So I know she still my big sister like what she was
I thought I got trauma
But all of this example and the disorganized and illness
I don't have
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I read trauma
I thought its like what I experienced
But its far
My second mom and my big sister on her got a fight,
I didn't know why but I know this big sister of my told me so many times that she love me and I'm the favorite sibling she have,
So I know they both love me
But that time they both scary
And this another big sister of mine younger to her said to me that our big sister want us dead
I know she's lying
But that feeling gave this feeling that till now I feel awkward to talk to her
She still saying 'oh this is my favorite sibling' every time she introduced me to her friends
So I know she still my big sister like what she was
I thought I got trauma
But all of this example and the disorganized and illness
I don't have
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Piotr
When I was 12, my beloved grandpa died of cancer aged 80. After that, all my friends found me boomer and that caused another trauma - bullying.
I even thought that if my grandpa was in Polish United Labour Party, then my father surely is a communist and that thoughts created new trauma - being left alone in my family. I was 15 by the time. Year later, I was dumped by my crush. I really wanted us to be together. This caused the last trauma that wasn't totally forgotten. I thought that I am too fat, my face has too many prinkles and I am too ugly to have someone who would love me.
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When I was 12, my beloved grandpa died of cancer aged 80. After that, all my friends found me boomer and that caused another trauma - bullying.
I even thought that if my grandpa was in Polish United Labour Party, then my father surely is a communist and that thoughts created new trauma - being left alone in my family. I was 15 by the time. Year later, I was dumped by my crush. I really wanted us to be together. This caused the last trauma that wasn't totally forgotten. I thought that I am too fat, my face has too many prinkles and I am too ugly to have someone who would love me.
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Shae
I definitely relate to the 4th sign. My dad also has BPD and is narcissistic, and I feel like Im not good enough for him in his eyes. I dont really want his appreciation anymore, and I felt like he can still change, but I dont think so anymore. I hope my mom can divorce him soon, bc on top of all of his mental health issues, he is unfaithful and goes on dates with many other women (my mom, sister, and I have known this tho. Im going into my senior year of highschool soon, so after this year I hope to cut him out of my life
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I definitely relate to the 4th sign. My dad also has BPD and is narcissistic, and I feel like Im not good enough for him in his eyes. I dont really want his appreciation anymore, and I felt like he can still change, but I dont think so anymore. I hope my mom can divorce him soon, bc on top of all of his mental health issues, he is unfaithful and goes on dates with many other women (my mom, sister, and I have known this tho. Im going into my senior year of highschool soon, so after this year I hope to cut him out of my life
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Krystal_975_etc.
I have PTSD from my abusive (ex) Step dad and from a dog that attacked me once. Sometimes when ppl go to give me a high five, or a fist bump, I flinch thinking their gonna hit me or do something bad. I never had a problem with dogs until after I got attacked by a dog. and I do have anxiety and my family just says: suck it up. Your fine, you don't have anxiety or any type of mental health problem.
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I have PTSD from my abusive (ex) Step dad and from a dog that attacked me once. Sometimes when ppl go to give me a high five, or a fist bump, I flinch thinking their gonna hit me or do something bad. I never had a problem with dogs until after I got attacked by a dog. and I do have anxiety and my family just says: suck it up. Your fine, you don't have anxiety or any type of mental health problem.
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Nightmare
Should I go to therapy i like watching things that make me sad/cry like i watch sad relatable videos for fun or like when im feeling meh and i have adhd autism anxiety and im scared to ask my parents for therapy cause they might be like why your fine or whats wrong you can tell me you don't need therapy and i have social anxiety so ya psych2go what should I do and do i need therapy
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Should I go to therapy i like watching things that make me sad/cry like i watch sad relatable videos for fun or like when im feeling meh and i have adhd autism anxiety and im scared to ask my parents for therapy cause they might be like why your fine or whats wrong you can tell me you don't need therapy and i have social anxiety so ya psych2go what should I do and do i need therapy
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education
Unfortunately I relate to all except the second, I honestly thought I was disorganized because I was just young, though still being an adolescent I have possibly had that trauma talked about in #3 and it's kind of still currently going on: )
I also would like to say you are valid, it is still taking me time to love myself and for me to validate myself, it is a journey
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Unfortunately I relate to all except the second, I honestly thought I was disorganized because I was just young, though still being an adolescent I have possibly had that trauma talked about in #3 and it's kind of still currently going on: )
I also would like to say you are valid, it is still taking me time to love myself and for me to validate myself, it is a journey
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FiresKnight
The more I think about the things I lived through as a child the more impossible it feels to deal with. Like I'm never going to get out of this hole that I'm in. I know it's not true but I still struggle with thinking that way. What shred of hope that survived my childhood was killed by my struggles in adulthood.
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The more I think about the things I lived through as a child the more impossible it feels to deal with. Like I'm never going to get out of this hole that I'm in. I know it's not true but I still struggle with thinking that way. What shred of hope that survived my childhood was killed by my struggles in adulthood.
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blobfishdude
I dont know how and what to do if I do something wrong my brother blows up I'm thinking about counseling but if ask my mom might lecture my brother about it and then my brother just starts again beacause by him I'm overeacting and suck when he knows hes had to of tainted me in way
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I dont know how and what to do if I do something wrong my brother blows up I'm thinking about counseling but if ask my mom might lecture my brother about it and then my brother just starts again beacause by him I'm overeacting and suck when he knows hes had to of tainted me in way
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Ives
Trauma is personal, it does not disappear if it is not validated. When it is ignored or invalidated, the silent screams continue internally, heard only by the one held captive. When someone enters the pain and hears the screams, healing can begin. - Danielle Bernock
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Trauma is personal, it does not disappear if it is not validated. When it is ignored or invalidated, the silent screams continue internally, heard only by the one held captive. When someone enters the pain and hears the screams, healing can begin. - Danielle Bernock
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AlecTheTurnip
Thank you for this video! For years I've dealt with trauma with family and bullying, I'm starting to get used to it. But hearing these videos makes me idk feel better. I appreciate you making then and trust me, life is hard itself on its own.
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Thank you for this video! For years I've dealt with trauma with family and bullying, I'm starting to get used to it. But hearing these videos makes me idk feel better. I appreciate you making then and trust me, life is hard itself on its own.
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Peirce
I need to stop watching these or Ill have a breakdown.
And I write this not to get attention or pity, its because I see this an unhealthy reaction and acknowledging it as such is a good first step. Even if its just online anonymously.
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I need to stop watching these or Ill have a breakdown.
And I write this not to get attention or pity, its because I see this an unhealthy reaction and acknowledging it as such is a good first step. Even if its just online anonymously.
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Ominous
I have ptsd when I always see cringe idk why I just hate cringe cringe is probably the most cringiest word cause its cringe and cringe is just cringe the base of cringe I think Im cringe cause why am I saying cringe 10x times
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I have ptsd when I always see cringe idk why I just hate cringe cringe is probably the most cringiest word cause its cringe and cringe is just cringe the base of cringe I think Im cringe cause why am I saying cringe 10x times
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CassieCat6
I also had an authoritarian parent who was an alcoholic as well. My childhood wasn't the greatest but also not the worst. Still have PTSD and high anxiety to this day though from childhood events that happened.
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I also had an authoritarian parent who was an alcoholic as well. My childhood wasn't the greatest but also not the worst. Still have PTSD and high anxiety to this day though from childhood events that happened.
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chris
soooooo, scoring 3/4.
One: I have been made to expect the worst.
Two: people wont be there for me cause I was made to believe so.
Three: I am an absolute mess when it comes to keeping it together
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soooooo, scoring 3/4.
One: I have been made to expect the worst.
Two: people wont be there for me cause I was made to believe so.
Three: I am an absolute mess when it comes to keeping it together
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Orion
My comment glitched out it isnt even here, as though I hadnt posted it and I worked really hard on it, too. Almost like a metaphor for my early years poetic irony, anyone?
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My comment glitched out it isnt even here, as though I hadnt posted it and I worked really hard on it, too. Almost like a metaphor for my early years poetic irony, anyone?
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Rouladenkoenig
For me its point 5. Overly controlling parents made me never come in touch with organizing, prioritizing or scheduling anything. Time to turn that around.
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For me its point 5. Overly controlling parents made me never come in touch with organizing, prioritizing or scheduling anything. Time to turn that around.
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aya
well, i am a 'child' rn and i think i'll have to go to loads of therapy sessions once am older and can afford them, thanks mom and dad youre really great
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well, i am a 'child' rn and i think i'll have to go to loads of therapy sessions once am older and can afford them, thanks mom and dad youre really great
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Nayo715
This is just interesting as a minor I didnt notice that my parent was telling what to do so thanks for letting notice it positively effect my future
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This is just interesting as a minor I didnt notice that my parent was telling what to do so thanks for letting notice it positively effect my future
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