3 Reasons Being a People Pleaser is Selfish
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
Darth
This video is talking about people who always think of themselves as nice, and so will constantly go out of their way to be publicly seen doing nice things to reinforce this idea of being the hero of everyones story, regardless of whether its actually needed. However, theres a seemingly similar but fundamentally different kind of person whos also known as a people pleaser, a category which I think I fall into, personally. This is someone who will put their own important needs aside at the drop of a hat, simply because someone else has a different preference or wants something that may not be as important.
The second people pleaser may have experienced some childhood trauma, and will often tell themself that theyre a bad or selfish person where the first people pleaser will insist on being a great person. Ironically, while the videos advice (to stop making everything about you so that other people have a chance to solve their own problems) is pretty good advice for the first people pleaser, its kind of the opposite of what the second needs to hear. And unfortunately, while the video tries to make a distinction between the two, it essentially does the bare minimum at the beginning of the video, and the borderline-clickbait title of the video certainly doesnt help.
If you think youre the second people pleaser, you should remember that everyones needs matter, including yours. So if your needs are being ignored or forgotten, or if youre too scared of rejection to even bring them up, ask yourself what you would say if you knew it was happening to someone else, and stand up for yourself. Theres a huge difference between being healthy and being selfish, and taking care of your own basic needs, or even occasionally doing what you want to do instead of what someone else wants, doesnt make you a bad person. It just means youre being fair to everyone, including yourself. Youre a unique, awesome, special person who simply didnt get enough recognition earlier in life, and its never too late to start recognizing yourself.
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This video is talking about people who always think of themselves as nice, and so will constantly go out of their way to be publicly seen doing nice things to reinforce this idea of being the hero of everyones story, regardless of whether its actually needed. However, theres a seemingly similar but fundamentally different kind of person whos also known as a people pleaser, a category which I think I fall into, personally. This is someone who will put their own important needs aside at the drop of a hat, simply because someone else has a different preference or wants something that may not be as important.
The second people pleaser may have experienced some childhood trauma, and will often tell themself that theyre a bad or selfish person where the first people pleaser will insist on being a great person. Ironically, while the videos advice (to stop making everything about you so that other people have a chance to solve their own problems) is pretty good advice for the first people pleaser, its kind of the opposite of what the second needs to hear. And unfortunately, while the video tries to make a distinction between the two, it essentially does the bare minimum at the beginning of the video, and the borderline-clickbait title of the video certainly doesnt help.
If you think youre the second people pleaser, you should remember that everyones needs matter, including yours. So if your needs are being ignored or forgotten, or if youre too scared of rejection to even bring them up, ask yourself what you would say if you knew it was happening to someone else, and stand up for yourself. Theres a huge difference between being healthy and being selfish, and taking care of your own basic needs, or even occasionally doing what you want to do instead of what someone else wants, doesnt make you a bad person. It just means youre being fair to everyone, including yourself. Youre a unique, awesome, special person who simply didnt get enough recognition earlier in life, and its never too late to start recognizing yourself.
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Nicole
I get exhausted around other people. The bigger the crowd the more exhausting. I realized that's because it is instinct or programmed into me to worry about other people's feelings and comfort all the time. So much so that it is difficult even while I'm aware of it to stay aware of my own needs and feelings. It's not like I sit here worrying about whether or not someone else is going to be upset WITH me, but is that person going to be upset BECAUSE of me. Or is that person going to feel left out. Or is that person hungry. Or is that person stressed about their kids getting into trouble or danger while we are together. etc. I have a subconscious NEED to anticipate and fulfill everone elses needs and wants. The more people around, the more directions I feel pulled in, the more distracted and overhelmed I get. If I have to go to the bathroom, or if I'm hungry, or tired, in the middle of a get together I might not notice for a long time because I am not in tune with my own body. But those needs dont go away and so they add to the distraction and overwhelm im experiencing. So then, is this a different thing than being a people pleaser?
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I get exhausted around other people. The bigger the crowd the more exhausting. I realized that's because it is instinct or programmed into me to worry about other people's feelings and comfort all the time. So much so that it is difficult even while I'm aware of it to stay aware of my own needs and feelings. It's not like I sit here worrying about whether or not someone else is going to be upset WITH me, but is that person going to be upset BECAUSE of me. Or is that person going to feel left out. Or is that person hungry. Or is that person stressed about their kids getting into trouble or danger while we are together. etc. I have a subconscious NEED to anticipate and fulfill everone elses needs and wants. The more people around, the more directions I feel pulled in, the more distracted and overhelmed I get. If I have to go to the bathroom, or if I'm hungry, or tired, in the middle of a get together I might not notice for a long time because I am not in tune with my own body. But those needs dont go away and so they add to the distraction and overwhelm im experiencing. So then, is this a different thing than being a people pleaser?
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Kiley
i actually am surprised, this is the first video ive seen of yours i disagree with. i dont get offended by stuff easily, & im very VERY self aware of everything i do/say/am. But people pleasing is a trauma response for most people. i am a people pleaser & have been for a long time & thats because i had to be the golden child. my mother was a narcissist & my older sister was a LOT to deal with. we were raised by our grandparents & so i constantly did things to make them happy & not ever say how i was really feeling bc they were already so stressed with the rest of my familys problems. Not to mention quite a few of the people in my family have always made me feel like my opinions & feelings do not matter. that i am not allowed to say no, and if i do im guilt tripped and called a terrible person. i people please to avoid conflict, because i have been surrounded by toxic individuals my. entire. life. maybe in a way it is a bit selfish for me to people please, because im trying to reserve my sanity & my energy because i am constantly being thrown into the lake anytime i say the word no or stick up for myself. so thanks
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i actually am surprised, this is the first video ive seen of yours i disagree with. i dont get offended by stuff easily, & im very VERY self aware of everything i do/say/am. But people pleasing is a trauma response for most people. i am a people pleaser & have been for a long time & thats because i had to be the golden child. my mother was a narcissist & my older sister was a LOT to deal with. we were raised by our grandparents & so i constantly did things to make them happy & not ever say how i was really feeling bc they were already so stressed with the rest of my familys problems. Not to mention quite a few of the people in my family have always made me feel like my opinions & feelings do not matter. that i am not allowed to say no, and if i do im guilt tripped and called a terrible person. i people please to avoid conflict, because i have been surrounded by toxic individuals my. entire. life. maybe in a way it is a bit selfish for me to people please, because im trying to reserve my sanity & my energy because i am constantly being thrown into the lake anytime i say the word no or stick up for myself. so thanks
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w0rmz_
Im probably a people pleaser. i do things to please people in hope that theyll like me that way. I adjust my likings to make it be like i like the same things as them or do the same things as them. Sometimes i have to do soul crushing things for them just to get the slightest piece of approval. I dont have a lot of self esteem, and saying that being a people pleaser is selfish dosent help. It sucks. This is just one silly billy example but once i showed my friend a cool picture thinking she would think it was cool to, i said this picture reminds me of you because i thought she would like the picture (AND it actually did kinda remind me of her) and she just said WHAT NO THATS NOT ME WTH and idk it made me a tad sad and i said OH LOL WAIT I SENT IT TO THE WRONG PERSON HAHA. I could see how it can be selfish because you can adjust trying to make people like you more but this is a bit harsh. I dont want to see people sad, so i ALWAYS comfort them and i never tell them about the crap in my life.
I dont actually know a lot about me or like myself a lot either so thanks.
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Im probably a people pleaser. i do things to please people in hope that theyll like me that way. I adjust my likings to make it be like i like the same things as them or do the same things as them. Sometimes i have to do soul crushing things for them just to get the slightest piece of approval. I dont have a lot of self esteem, and saying that being a people pleaser is selfish dosent help. It sucks. This is just one silly billy example but once i showed my friend a cool picture thinking she would think it was cool to, i said this picture reminds me of you because i thought she would like the picture (AND it actually did kinda remind me of her) and she just said WHAT NO THATS NOT ME WTH and idk it made me a tad sad and i said OH LOL WAIT I SENT IT TO THE WRONG PERSON HAHA. I could see how it can be selfish because you can adjust trying to make people like you more but this is a bit harsh. I dont want to see people sad, so i ALWAYS comfort them and i never tell them about the crap in my life.
I dont actually know a lot about me or like myself a lot either so thanks.
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IceWolf
Ugh. this brings back a lot of memories and makes me wonder about others' motives. I have never personally been much of a people-pleaser. I love being independent. I am stubborn, iron-willed, and will do things regardless of what others think. But I have encountered many people-pleasers in my life and it's hard to see. Some are more severe than others. Some have abused and taken advantage of me, some break down because they are confused and don't know how to treat others, some are genuinely nice people, but you have to get to know them and force back that people-pleasing barrier. But yea. it is a bit cowardly as well. You are hiding behind the approval of others. You have little to no self-esteem and depending on others to give it to you. Instead of just being YOU and learning to live independent and free from obsessing over what others may think of you, It is incredibly liberating. I'm glad there are vids like this out there to help make people more aware of these things.
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Ugh. this brings back a lot of memories and makes me wonder about others' motives. I have never personally been much of a people-pleaser. I love being independent. I am stubborn, iron-willed, and will do things regardless of what others think. But I have encountered many people-pleasers in my life and it's hard to see. Some are more severe than others. Some have abused and taken advantage of me, some break down because they are confused and don't know how to treat others, some are genuinely nice people, but you have to get to know them and force back that people-pleasing barrier. But yea. it is a bit cowardly as well. You are hiding behind the approval of others. You have little to no self-esteem and depending on others to give it to you. Instead of just being YOU and learning to live independent and free from obsessing over what others may think of you, It is incredibly liberating. I'm glad there are vids like this out there to help make people more aware of these things.
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Dominic
Okay, you clearly went into this knowing that this would be a controversial video, (Id be extremely surprised if you didnt, and as such, you made some attempts to mitigate that controversy, but Id say by the looks of things, you did an extremely poor job of it.
The biggest mistake was the title, there is absolutely no way you couldnt have known that title would (justifiably in my opinion) get a negative reaction. Ive said it before, and Ill say it again, if it was called 5 reasons people pleasers CAN be selfish, I dont this wouldnt have gotten the reaction it did. I think having the title be the way it is, is a horrible, and insensitive way to go about it. Not everyone is gonna know about the difference between psychological terms, vs the common meaning. Yes, you accounted for it in the beginning, and the description, yes I know about that. But, once again, insisting on keeping the title the way it is, is just plan horrible, and just asking for a negative response.
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Okay, you clearly went into this knowing that this would be a controversial video, (Id be extremely surprised if you didnt, and as such, you made some attempts to mitigate that controversy, but Id say by the looks of things, you did an extremely poor job of it.
The biggest mistake was the title, there is absolutely no way you couldnt have known that title would (justifiably in my opinion) get a negative reaction. Ive said it before, and Ill say it again, if it was called 5 reasons people pleasers CAN be selfish, I dont this wouldnt have gotten the reaction it did. I think having the title be the way it is, is a horrible, and insensitive way to go about it. Not everyone is gonna know about the difference between psychological terms, vs the common meaning. Yes, you accounted for it in the beginning, and the description, yes I know about that. But, once again, insisting on keeping the title the way it is, is just plan horrible, and just asking for a negative response.
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Anukii
It sounds like lots in the comment section are taking the selfish too personally. Be honest, people pleasing is done from a place of self. You are human, this cannot be denied. This video illustrates a very extreme people pleaser so I think as with all other P2Go videos, listen to what applies to you and guide yourself with that. People pleasing is absolutely done with the intent of seeking external validation through the benefit of others which may not always be organic. Do you want to see how transactional people pleasing can be? When a people pleaser clearly wants a certain outcome, be indifferent & watch the person squirm. I think we all have degrees of such behavior but there are absolutely personalities that will almost weaponize this form of conduct all for the sake of the quelling of their waters. If you are not that, fantastic, but let's not immediately assume selfish equals me me me & mine mine mine.
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It sounds like lots in the comment section are taking the selfish too personally. Be honest, people pleasing is done from a place of self. You are human, this cannot be denied. This video illustrates a very extreme people pleaser so I think as with all other P2Go videos, listen to what applies to you and guide yourself with that. People pleasing is absolutely done with the intent of seeking external validation through the benefit of others which may not always be organic. Do you want to see how transactional people pleasing can be? When a people pleaser clearly wants a certain outcome, be indifferent & watch the person squirm. I think we all have degrees of such behavior but there are absolutely personalities that will almost weaponize this form of conduct all for the sake of the quelling of their waters. If you are not that, fantastic, but let's not immediately assume selfish equals me me me & mine mine mine.
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H.
Sorry to break it in front of you all
But I feel the word people pleaser is also a degoratory term told by the same kind of ones who bully you for your kindness to make a fool out of yourself or make you feel worse for being kind.
People Being called manipulative or being narcissistic for being kind is literally gaslighting. And perhaps some of them are in fact manipulative and narcissistic to you.
You can turn it 180 degrees on peoples intentions
But so I can turn it 180 degrees again. And so on, and so on.
The problem is Calling people names like people pleaser or narcissistic for what you are while people are able to change, isnt gonna make it solve problems and suck people into a self fulfilling prophecy. And it will all become insults to another used by other to bully you
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Sorry to break it in front of you all
But I feel the word people pleaser is also a degoratory term told by the same kind of ones who bully you for your kindness to make a fool out of yourself or make you feel worse for being kind.
People Being called manipulative or being narcissistic for being kind is literally gaslighting. And perhaps some of them are in fact manipulative and narcissistic to you.
You can turn it 180 degrees on peoples intentions
But so I can turn it 180 degrees again. And so on, and so on.
The problem is Calling people names like people pleaser or narcissistic for what you are while people are able to change, isnt gonna make it solve problems and suck people into a self fulfilling prophecy. And it will all become insults to another used by other to bully you
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Cool
I think this video shouldn't be considered an attack, but a guide to self awareness. I am fully aware that people pleasing is a result of trauma and emotional wounds, but as I am a people pleaser, I confirm. It's not been long since I realized the points in the video myself, I couldn't help but agree. Though it does seem harsh to call them selfish, it's true. I realized most of the things I do in the name of helping others or cheering them up were actually because I wanted them to be thankful to me and like me more, not because I actually cared. It was about me, not them. The only times I feel good about myself are when others react positively to something i did. It took a lot to come to this conclusion and it's really hard to admit but at least I'm not lying to myself anymore.
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I think this video shouldn't be considered an attack, but a guide to self awareness. I am fully aware that people pleasing is a result of trauma and emotional wounds, but as I am a people pleaser, I confirm. It's not been long since I realized the points in the video myself, I couldn't help but agree. Though it does seem harsh to call them selfish, it's true. I realized most of the things I do in the name of helping others or cheering them up were actually because I wanted them to be thankful to me and like me more, not because I actually cared. It was about me, not them. The only times I feel good about myself are when others react positively to something i did. It took a lot to come to this conclusion and it's really hard to admit but at least I'm not lying to myself anymore.
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brooklynn
Honestly as a people pleaser this makes me a little mad because I don't think that way at all, I do what I do because I want people to be happy and don't want to be the reason their not and I want them to like me, because all my life I've been alone and I want friends and I feel like it's expected of me and when people don't do it back I feel hurt but I don't expect anything from it, and I don't do it for personal gain, I do it for the other persons gain, and I put my own wants and feeling away for others even when I don't want to, and when I finally say no or not do something that's people pleasing I feel horrible and selfish, so what I take from the video is no matter what I do I'm selfish, so.
Maybe word it differently
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Honestly as a people pleaser this makes me a little mad because I don't think that way at all, I do what I do because I want people to be happy and don't want to be the reason their not and I want them to like me, because all my life I've been alone and I want friends and I feel like it's expected of me and when people don't do it back I feel hurt but I don't expect anything from it, and I don't do it for personal gain, I do it for the other persons gain, and I put my own wants and feeling away for others even when I don't want to, and when I finally say no or not do something that's people pleasing I feel horrible and selfish, so what I take from the video is no matter what I do I'm selfish, so.
Maybe word it differently
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Phoenix_Hear
I'm a people pleaser because of my primary school experience. This is trauma based. I put other people's needs before mine because I spent 6 YEARS doing that. Being a people pleaser doesn't always mean your selfish. So when this so telling me that I'm selfish because I'm a people pleaser, it makes it seem that all my trauma didn't happen or didn't exist. Yes it doesn't completely mean that, but it's still harmful. Being a people pleaser can lead to years of therapy and it's actually not healthy if it's extreme. Mines only a little bit and I have boundaries, but it can get worse. I'm still a people pleaser to this day and have been for 11 years now. Being a people pleaser doesn't make you selfish.
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I'm a people pleaser because of my primary school experience. This is trauma based. I put other people's needs before mine because I spent 6 YEARS doing that. Being a people pleaser doesn't always mean your selfish. So when this so telling me that I'm selfish because I'm a people pleaser, it makes it seem that all my trauma didn't happen or didn't exist. Yes it doesn't completely mean that, but it's still harmful. Being a people pleaser can lead to years of therapy and it's actually not healthy if it's extreme. Mines only a little bit and I have boundaries, but it can get worse. I'm still a people pleaser to this day and have been for 11 years now. Being a people pleaser doesn't make you selfish.
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vubina
If I'm going to be honest, I do genuinely see both sides. I understand how people pleasing can seem & be entirely selfish, and I understand how it could not.
However, many, and I mean many do people pleasing because they don't know or haven't learned any better. A lot of people pleasers have been pushed over the edge, and as a result, they fear that if they do anything wrong or if they deny something from someone, then it could result in issues like abandonment, manipulation, even some cases abuse.
While I definitely don't think this was the greatest video you guys have ever made, I'm glad there are more people in the comments reaching out about how this could hurt and how it does hurt.
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If I'm going to be honest, I do genuinely see both sides. I understand how people pleasing can seem & be entirely selfish, and I understand how it could not.
However, many, and I mean many do people pleasing because they don't know or haven't learned any better. A lot of people pleasers have been pushed over the edge, and as a result, they fear that if they do anything wrong or if they deny something from someone, then it could result in issues like abandonment, manipulation, even some cases abuse.
While I definitely don't think this was the greatest video you guys have ever made, I'm glad there are more people in the comments reaching out about how this could hurt and how it does hurt.
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Staci
I think this video is about a certain type of people pleaser and it is spot on. I think it is important for me to check my motivations for doing things for others. I want to be sure whatever I decide to do is coming from a place of giving. The video also mentions that this type of people pleaser may not be aware of why they do the things they do. I think it's suggesting we all should work on self awareness. The type of pleaser being talked about can be very harmful to other people, so maybe it is also suggesting we try to be aware of other people's motivations, to whatever extent we can be.
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I think this video is about a certain type of people pleaser and it is spot on. I think it is important for me to check my motivations for doing things for others. I want to be sure whatever I decide to do is coming from a place of giving. The video also mentions that this type of people pleaser may not be aware of why they do the things they do. I think it's suggesting we all should work on self awareness. The type of pleaser being talked about can be very harmful to other people, so maybe it is also suggesting we try to be aware of other people's motivations, to whatever extent we can be.
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Yasmin
I'm kinda hurt when I see the tittle of the video, a friend told me that I'm a people pleaser last 2 years and it's been in my mind. I admit that I do alot of selfless things but I don't really expect or hoped for anything in return. I only want them to be happy and it's how I show appreciation.
Yes, I have some hope that they'll feel like they're being appreciated and cared, but I don't think it means that what I did wrong? Um. I don't know to be honest. I'm just upset now.
Perhaps it's just because I have a fear of abandonment and rejection. maybe I am not a good person.
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I'm kinda hurt when I see the tittle of the video, a friend told me that I'm a people pleaser last 2 years and it's been in my mind. I admit that I do alot of selfless things but I don't really expect or hoped for anything in return. I only want them to be happy and it's how I show appreciation.
Yes, I have some hope that they'll feel like they're being appreciated and cared, but I don't think it means that what I did wrong? Um. I don't know to be honest. I'm just upset now.
Perhaps it's just because I have a fear of abandonment and rejection. maybe I am not a good person.
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Snapjack
Ngl I agree with the video, like imagine putting two people pleasers in a room. It gets difficult, a people pleaser will take responsibility for others happiness which is seriously uncomfortable, in the end a people pleaser only feels like theyre doing the right thing when they give their all to others but thats still selfish since they want to feel like theyre doing the right thing. Selfish doesnt equal bad but I feel like a lot of people pleasers dont realize that watching them destroy themselves to help others is absolutely horrible to experience. It hurts both parties
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Ngl I agree with the video, like imagine putting two people pleasers in a room. It gets difficult, a people pleaser will take responsibility for others happiness which is seriously uncomfortable, in the end a people pleaser only feels like theyre doing the right thing when they give their all to others but thats still selfish since they want to feel like theyre doing the right thing. Selfish doesnt equal bad but I feel like a lot of people pleasers dont realize that watching them destroy themselves to help others is absolutely horrible to experience. It hurts both parties
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Salsabelle
Its okay guys. Everyone has different opinions. For me, I think this video meant for overpleasing people attitude that makes people feel burdened to let you help them.
I kinda a people pleaser but I never think of myself as selfish in bad way. I want people to be happy and comfortable with I am. It is tiring to make my beloved one happy but it is worth it. I only stop when the person takes advantage of me
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Its okay guys. Everyone has different opinions. For me, I think this video meant for overpleasing people attitude that makes people feel burdened to let you help them.
I kinda a people pleaser but I never think of myself as selfish in bad way. I want people to be happy and comfortable with I am. It is tiring to make my beloved one happy but it is worth it. I only stop when the person takes advantage of me
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education
If your NOT a people pleaser why are you offended by this video? Everyone here saying they do nice things for no reward and because it makes them happy, well good for you. This video isnt about you then, thus why are you offended? Makes no sense, unless you lack the self awareness of being a people pleaser. Only people pleasers will get offended by this video (so maybe you are one)
GREAT video psyhc2go
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If your NOT a people pleaser why are you offended by this video? Everyone here saying they do nice things for no reward and because it makes them happy, well good for you. This video isnt about you then, thus why are you offended? Makes no sense, unless you lack the self awareness of being a people pleaser. Only people pleasers will get offended by this video (so maybe you are one)
GREAT video psyhc2go
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Gustavo
Woow, that was eye opening, the part and image about you thinking about yourself all the time even when talking with others blew my mind. For me i have an impulse to please while also not wanting to sacrifice what i truly want so i avoided people or was never truly honest, this idea of not being able to express some of the things i truly like out of fear of looking lame really eats me inside at times.
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Woow, that was eye opening, the part and image about you thinking about yourself all the time even when talking with others blew my mind. For me i have an impulse to please while also not wanting to sacrifice what i truly want so i avoided people or was never truly honest, this idea of not being able to express some of the things i truly like out of fear of looking lame really eats me inside at times.
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V1
I am a people pleaser, so I am going to give you my dreaded opinion, psych2go. Ready? Here it goes.
I am not selfish. I severely lack a sense of self and honest to God did not think I would survive my 20s.
But I did. I survived. I'm still codependent because that was my narcissist mother's end goal. For other people to let me down so I can go back to her. I am 23, and still didn't go back to her.
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I am a people pleaser, so I am going to give you my dreaded opinion, psych2go. Ready? Here it goes.
I am not selfish. I severely lack a sense of self and honest to God did not think I would survive my 20s.
But I did. I survived. I'm still codependent because that was my narcissist mother's end goal. For other people to let me down so I can go back to her. I am 23, and still didn't go back to her.
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Fluffy
Didn't like this video much, I've been a people pleaser for mist of my life because of Fear of other people, and there reactions I now am asking myself if I've been selfish for most of my life. The answer is no I haven't I've been scared and alone, that's why I've been a people pleaser not selfishness. So to sum it up didn't like this video and how it calls all people pleaser selfish.
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Didn't like this video much, I've been a people pleaser for mist of my life because of Fear of other people, and there reactions I now am asking myself if I've been selfish for most of my life. The answer is no I haven't I've been scared and alone, that's why I've been a people pleaser not selfishness. So to sum it up didn't like this video and how it calls all people pleaser selfish.
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Goth
You are not NICE you are a PEOPLE PLEASER!
Anyone saying this is insensitive is ridiculous & might be doing some projecting. People who are genuinely nice dont need to change themselves for others approval, thats what people pleasing is, youre wanting something in return for being on your best behavior with them, nice people are themselves around anyone without expectations.
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You are not NICE you are a PEOPLE PLEASER!
Anyone saying this is insensitive is ridiculous & might be doing some projecting. People who are genuinely nice dont need to change themselves for others approval, thats what people pleasing is, youre wanting something in return for being on your best behavior with them, nice people are themselves around anyone without expectations.
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Denise
This is why I can't type myself on mbti. Im an enneagram 9w1 but wasnt always like that. I've people pleased due to stress and rejecting myself, having over critical parents and controlling relationship, but know I'm a good person deep down
Im trying to now find myself for my own good. I reject the attention amd socialising i deep down want because I feel worthless
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This is why I can't type myself on mbti. Im an enneagram 9w1 but wasnt always like that. I've people pleased due to stress and rejecting myself, having over critical parents and controlling relationship, but know I'm a good person deep down
Im trying to now find myself for my own good. I reject the attention amd socialising i deep down want because I feel worthless
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TheSimpFriend
I demand an apology. People pleasing is often a trauma response and it's extremely insensitive to call it selfish. I thought that you of all people would understand. Please refrain from giving mental advice before doing something as horrible as this. No one is selfish for going though something that wasn't their fault.
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I demand an apology. People pleasing is often a trauma response and it's extremely insensitive to call it selfish. I thought that you of all people would understand. Please refrain from giving mental advice before doing something as horrible as this. No one is selfish for going though something that wasn't their fault.
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Fairly
As a people pleaser with severe anxiety (yes, professionally diagnosed) I can say that this is NO WHERE NEAR correct. I do it because I want others to be happy, to keep crap of their sholders. I loose my sense of what happiness and replace it with anxiety just to make people happy. HOW THE HELL IS THAT SELFISH, PHYCH2GO!
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As a people pleaser with severe anxiety (yes, professionally diagnosed) I can say that this is NO WHERE NEAR correct. I do it because I want others to be happy, to keep crap of their sholders. I loose my sense of what happiness and replace it with anxiety just to make people happy. HOW THE HELL IS THAT SELFISH, PHYCH2GO!
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chaiguro
When it comes to a person's traits being toxic or negative in a way, I think it's really important to clarify exactly what you mean.
People-pleasing for your own benefit is obviously wrong, but many people took this the wrong way, as if all sorts of people-pleasing and maybe even general kindness is selfish.
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When it comes to a person's traits being toxic or negative in a way, I think it's really important to clarify exactly what you mean.
People-pleasing for your own benefit is obviously wrong, but many people took this the wrong way, as if all sorts of people-pleasing and maybe even general kindness is selfish.
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