7 Signs Youre Not Too Nice, Its Your Trauma (Fawning)
video description
Date: 2023-08-20
Related videos
Comments and reviews: 25
Fire
I have been doing this for my D&D character. It has been freeze to fawn.
My character met another character who had visited repeatedly for his people, trading and such.
He saved a man who adopted my character and raised me to be a blacksmith.
My female dwarm froze in the face of darkspawn like creatures and my dad nearly died. My friend, a Goliath came in and saved me and my adoptive dad and got us out of there.
I became a cleric and learned medicinal and other skills to support him in the service of Akatosh, my adoptive family's religion. I became a cleric with a mace and stayed behind him as we did things for years and traveled to find a blood hunter and her female friend. They were going to do a job for a countess that lead us to the Strahd Campaign in D&D. I've fawned recently after seeing the compassion in the Goliath. He gives money to the poor, champions the weak and their cause and takes charge in stopping baddies. The only answer is the good choice. I do the wanting him to notice me and be a good person constantly. I do some of the actions such as overworking and trying too hard to curry favour only to be seen as a sister, stuck in the childhood friend spot.
So, then I watched this video today after a year of roleplay and I am like. wow. that's a thing and bourne of ptsd too.
While this is emotionally helpful for those in need, it would also be nice to watch such videos to act it out in safe spaces as therapeutic. It has been nice to see a few of our friends be able to lower their guard, be different, and change from introverts to extroverts, experimenting with different ways of being.
I know d&d is not for everyone, which is why RPG games are so popular. Part of some therapy sessions I have been in include roleplay as kinesthetic learning. A measure of understanding some people do not acquire is from doing things, which some are afraid to do.
If Freeze and Fawn are maladaptive, being able to practice adaptive measures would be fantastic to try in D&D and normalize the behavior to oneself. Play. Practice. Become. Practice in the real world sometimes doesn't work because the culture of lifting people up isn't always there, sometimes overwhelming in the antagonizing department.
reply
I have been doing this for my D&D character. It has been freeze to fawn.
My character met another character who had visited repeatedly for his people, trading and such.
He saved a man who adopted my character and raised me to be a blacksmith.
My female dwarm froze in the face of darkspawn like creatures and my dad nearly died. My friend, a Goliath came in and saved me and my adoptive dad and got us out of there.
I became a cleric and learned medicinal and other skills to support him in the service of Akatosh, my adoptive family's religion. I became a cleric with a mace and stayed behind him as we did things for years and traveled to find a blood hunter and her female friend. They were going to do a job for a countess that lead us to the Strahd Campaign in D&D. I've fawned recently after seeing the compassion in the Goliath. He gives money to the poor, champions the weak and their cause and takes charge in stopping baddies. The only answer is the good choice. I do the wanting him to notice me and be a good person constantly. I do some of the actions such as overworking and trying too hard to curry favour only to be seen as a sister, stuck in the childhood friend spot.
So, then I watched this video today after a year of roleplay and I am like. wow. that's a thing and bourne of ptsd too.
While this is emotionally helpful for those in need, it would also be nice to watch such videos to act it out in safe spaces as therapeutic. It has been nice to see a few of our friends be able to lower their guard, be different, and change from introverts to extroverts, experimenting with different ways of being.
I know d&d is not for everyone, which is why RPG games are so popular. Part of some therapy sessions I have been in include roleplay as kinesthetic learning. A measure of understanding some people do not acquire is from doing things, which some are afraid to do.
If Freeze and Fawn are maladaptive, being able to practice adaptive measures would be fantastic to try in D&D and normalize the behavior to oneself. Play. Practice. Become. Practice in the real world sometimes doesn't work because the culture of lifting people up isn't always there, sometimes overwhelming in the antagonizing department.
reply
Joseph
19 here, been in a relationship for around half a year now. Before i got into the relationship i had no worries about anything and was just myself in the first few months of the relationship. It was until i realized i felt like i was giving more love than i was getting did i start festering on the thought of what was going on. I realized whenever a problem aroze everything stopped and i had to immediately help and take care of them. I ended up realizing i never really cared about my own problems and would only be truly at peace and happy when they were. Its been almost a week since ive realized what i put myself through for all those months, not speaking out about how i felt because i knew the things i thought are not how they felt, but those feelings and words kept coming back into my head, altering and changing my ideals to what _they_ would want and need. It wasnt until i had an anxiety attack from losing my sense of self, trying to force myself to be ok when i clearly wasnt, did i truly speak out about how i felt. Thankfully one night they were reccomended this video right after i said something along the lines of heh. i wouldve made you to love me anyway when talking about the early days of us.
Watching this video hit me like a truck, being told all the things i was doing werent all my fault, it was my trauma. Been trying to recover from it all for the past few days, doing things that i want to do and things that made us happy in the early days of the relationship, before the fawning started. Trying to live in peace without the pain of fawning, knowing things are okay and learning to set my boundaries.
Hope this can help anyone whos had a similar experience, time will heal all.
reply
19 here, been in a relationship for around half a year now. Before i got into the relationship i had no worries about anything and was just myself in the first few months of the relationship. It was until i realized i felt like i was giving more love than i was getting did i start festering on the thought of what was going on. I realized whenever a problem aroze everything stopped and i had to immediately help and take care of them. I ended up realizing i never really cared about my own problems and would only be truly at peace and happy when they were. Its been almost a week since ive realized what i put myself through for all those months, not speaking out about how i felt because i knew the things i thought are not how they felt, but those feelings and words kept coming back into my head, altering and changing my ideals to what _they_ would want and need. It wasnt until i had an anxiety attack from losing my sense of self, trying to force myself to be ok when i clearly wasnt, did i truly speak out about how i felt. Thankfully one night they were reccomended this video right after i said something along the lines of heh. i wouldve made you to love me anyway when talking about the early days of us.
Watching this video hit me like a truck, being told all the things i was doing werent all my fault, it was my trauma. Been trying to recover from it all for the past few days, doing things that i want to do and things that made us happy in the early days of the relationship, before the fawning started. Trying to live in peace without the pain of fawning, knowing things are okay and learning to set my boundaries.
Hope this can help anyone whos had a similar experience, time will heal all.
reply
liam
I don't even know how to explain it so please mind the rough articulation.
I believe the main reason that I try to help people so much/the reason I'm so nice to everyone is because I am manifesting/portraying the friend that I wish I had, it feels like everyone around me is only concerned about themselves and don't care about the feelings/wellbeing of others. If I don't message anyone first then my phone will by silent and dry for weeks on end, it feels almost like the reason I try to be a good person is because I just want people to act this way towards me.
Maybe I'm just delusional and don't deserve people to be this nice to me, but the only thing I can do is hope.
reply
I don't even know how to explain it so please mind the rough articulation.
I believe the main reason that I try to help people so much/the reason I'm so nice to everyone is because I am manifesting/portraying the friend that I wish I had, it feels like everyone around me is only concerned about themselves and don't care about the feelings/wellbeing of others. If I don't message anyone first then my phone will by silent and dry for weeks on end, it feels almost like the reason I try to be a good person is because I just want people to act this way towards me.
Maybe I'm just delusional and don't deserve people to be this nice to me, but the only thing I can do is hope.
reply
Matt
I discovered my true nature (an autist) about 5 years ago and have plunged into neurology, human behaviours and neuro-diversity. I knew my partner was on or very close to being on the spectrum herself but this has clarified where her true problem, OCD with hoarding (she considers it to be, so I support her in that as well as it would improve BOTH our mental health) that has led to her people pleaser behaviour. I was starting to think I'd been unintentionally gaslighting her (and it might have been so) but I definitely have been taking advantage of her behaviour to relieve my own mental stress. Thanks, I have another piece of the puzzle; D
reply
I discovered my true nature (an autist) about 5 years ago and have plunged into neurology, human behaviours and neuro-diversity. I knew my partner was on or very close to being on the spectrum herself but this has clarified where her true problem, OCD with hoarding (she considers it to be, so I support her in that as well as it would improve BOTH our mental health) that has led to her people pleaser behaviour. I was starting to think I'd been unintentionally gaslighting her (and it might have been so) but I definitely have been taking advantage of her behaviour to relieve my own mental stress. Thanks, I have another piece of the puzzle; D
reply
Theohybrid
This makes sense. You have to put yourself aside to make the situation comfortable and neglect yourself.
It works but you still arent being taken care of; and that happens longterm.
Ive been helped by many perhaps have seen it in themselves and defended me. But, while Im thankful, I must defend myself and have myself be seen via my boundaries or distance from those that dont respect me or said boundaries.
Ive found that Im happier but also that my thoughts, opinions, and values are worthy and have substance, content, and worth & are worth cultivating.
reply
This makes sense. You have to put yourself aside to make the situation comfortable and neglect yourself.
It works but you still arent being taken care of; and that happens longterm.
Ive been helped by many perhaps have seen it in themselves and defended me. But, while Im thankful, I must defend myself and have myself be seen via my boundaries or distance from those that dont respect me or said boundaries.
Ive found that Im happier but also that my thoughts, opinions, and values are worthy and have substance, content, and worth & are worth cultivating.
reply
stephen
I was married to a narcissist and we had 4 children. We all had one job and it was 24/7, keep mommy happy. Tell her what she wants to hear, or she'll make life hell for all of us. We became a family of fawns. Since then I learned to say NO and enjoy it. I would tell her the truth and that felt sooooo good, but she would be so offended and give me weeks of silent treatment. I just grew to the point that I just didn't care to please her any longer, because I finally figured out that it's impossible to keep her or anybody else happy.
reply
I was married to a narcissist and we had 4 children. We all had one job and it was 24/7, keep mommy happy. Tell her what she wants to hear, or she'll make life hell for all of us. We became a family of fawns. Since then I learned to say NO and enjoy it. I would tell her the truth and that felt sooooo good, but she would be so offended and give me weeks of silent treatment. I just grew to the point that I just didn't care to please her any longer, because I finally figured out that it's impossible to keep her or anybody else happy.
reply
Nim's
I was like this when i am at high school. My group members didn't help me to do the group work instead i was the one who doing everything. What happened is when i enter university i couldn't say no to something because then i may feel they may think i am arrogonaant or rude. I end up losing so many my motivation and exams because i am exhausted. But now i am accepting what i can and say no to what i can't. I don't care what the people think. So now i am living very comfortably.
reply
I was like this when i am at high school. My group members didn't help me to do the group work instead i was the one who doing everything. What happened is when i enter university i couldn't say no to something because then i may feel they may think i am arrogonaant or rude. I end up losing so many my motivation and exams because i am exhausted. But now i am accepting what i can and say no to what i can't. I don't care what the people think. So now i am living very comfortably.
reply
education
It is so relateable. I struggle with this for so long. For me it started at the age of 4 moving to a new place and the kids i lived next to were, now that i look back on it, pretty toxic. Even now. I was constantly surrounded by people berating me. My parents were great people. But for me my surrounding was what kind of made me this way. This video made me realize where this feeling comes from. Im so glad that this feeling can be explained.
reply
It is so relateable. I struggle with this for so long. For me it started at the age of 4 moving to a new place and the kids i lived next to were, now that i look back on it, pretty toxic. Even now. I was constantly surrounded by people berating me. My parents were great people. But for me my surrounding was what kind of made me this way. This video made me realize where this feeling comes from. Im so glad that this feeling can be explained.
reply
ItsAPerfectionist
I think I suffer from a mixture of flight, freeze and fawn. I guess the way I grew up made me adapt to different situations so I could survive or get out of that situation. But the reaction has never been fight. I could never fight. Fighting would make it worse. Fighting would make you a target. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be able to be apart of society or if I will remain separated from everybody by my trauma forever.
reply
I think I suffer from a mixture of flight, freeze and fawn. I guess the way I grew up made me adapt to different situations so I could survive or get out of that situation. But the reaction has never been fight. I could never fight. Fighting would make it worse. Fighting would make you a target. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be able to be apart of society or if I will remain separated from everybody by my trauma forever.
reply
Pie
Yes yes yes! This is me! I'm still unlearning it. My ex friend used to start fights and blame me for things that I hadn't even realized I'd done or things that were out of my control, turning every tiny thing I said into an attack on her. So I trained myself to keep track of every word I said and to apologize for anything that has even the slightest chance of being mean
reply
Yes yes yes! This is me! I'm still unlearning it. My ex friend used to start fights and blame me for things that I hadn't even realized I'd done or things that were out of my control, turning every tiny thing I said into an attack on her. So I trained myself to keep track of every word I said and to apologize for anything that has even the slightest chance of being mean
reply
Joey
Its only people i love and want them to love me back or stay in love. Maybe some possible guy friends but women door mat me so fast but i do quit after 6 months and walk. Now i just act like a prick that says no just for fun since my last relationship. Speak the truth no matter what now and yeah. no more drama, its just me and my 10 yearold but hey its a living.
reply
Its only people i love and want them to love me back or stay in love. Maybe some possible guy friends but women door mat me so fast but i do quit after 6 months and walk. Now i just act like a prick that says no just for fun since my last relationship. Speak the truth no matter what now and yeah. no more drama, its just me and my 10 yearold but hey its a living.
reply
Jason
Question: what if 2 fawner type come together and form a family, can the mutual being very very nice to each others become a positive force and binds the family together tighter? My point being, instead of treating this as fawning as some sort of mental issues, can this somehow be turned into a positive thing for relationship building?
reply
Question: what if 2 fawner type come together and form a family, can the mutual being very very nice to each others become a positive force and binds the family together tighter? My point being, instead of treating this as fawning as some sort of mental issues, can this somehow be turned into a positive thing for relationship building?
reply
Wendi
I disahree to fawning being labeled as a maladaptive trait. It seems more like a natural resoonse to situations humans didn't evolve for. I tend to think humans evolved for feirce egalitarianism, not narcissism or abuse. If we had evolved for trauma and abuse I'd think humans would have better adaptations to this kind of stress.
reply
I disahree to fawning being labeled as a maladaptive trait. It seems more like a natural resoonse to situations humans didn't evolve for. I tend to think humans evolved for feirce egalitarianism, not narcissism or abuse. If we had evolved for trauma and abuse I'd think humans would have better adaptations to this kind of stress.
reply
Atel
I find that I relate immensely with 1, 2, 3, and 7, but 4, 5, and 6 not so much. It's odd tho because it's not just that I don't relate to 4-6, I've actually found myself experiencing the overwhelming opposite of 4-6 to the most absolute extent.
I'm not sure what that kinda state would be called, if anything.
reply
I find that I relate immensely with 1, 2, 3, and 7, but 4, 5, and 6 not so much. It's odd tho because it's not just that I don't relate to 4-6, I've actually found myself experiencing the overwhelming opposite of 4-6 to the most absolute extent.
I'm not sure what that kinda state would be called, if anything.
reply
Arthur
Alright let's say someone has realized that they have this problem. but how do they go about fixing it?
Your video would have been much more helpful if you at least included a first step someone can take to start fixing themselves. or references they can go to or study.
reply
Alright let's say someone has realized that they have this problem. but how do they go about fixing it?
Your video would have been much more helpful if you at least included a first step someone can take to start fixing themselves. or references they can go to or study.
reply
Quixzable
this made me realize how far I've come in fixing myselft without actually knowing what to fix or what exactly it was. Thank you for that honestly its been rough lately up there, but being able to somewhat put a finger on where it could come from is a massive help!
reply
this made me realize how far I've come in fixing myselft without actually knowing what to fix or what exactly it was. Thank you for that honestly its been rough lately up there, but being able to somewhat put a finger on where it could come from is a massive help!
reply
evil1by1
For some of us we were trained to fawn because saying no was not an option, your feelings had no value and boundaries werent allowed to exist. For some of us saying no does illicit an immediate backlash until we comply.
reply
For some of us we were trained to fawn because saying no was not an option, your feelings had no value and boundaries werent allowed to exist. For some of us saying no does illicit an immediate backlash until we comply.
reply
Jay
Too many people see relationships as something to fix them or whatever. Its just the wrong way to go about things and why it doesnt work for you. If youre not mentally well then you shouldnt really be in a relationship.
reply
Too many people see relationships as something to fix them or whatever. Its just the wrong way to go about things and why it doesnt work for you. If youre not mentally well then you shouldnt really be in a relationship.
reply
Solitas
I relate to this, but I also don't, when it comes to my family I have such good boundaries (kind of, i'm just mean according to them, I would show this to my mom but she would go: No you're too mean, lmao
reply
I relate to this, but I also don't, when it comes to my family I have such good boundaries (kind of, i'm just mean according to them, I would show this to my mom but she would go: No you're too mean, lmao
reply
Chris
Oh my god, I never realized until this video that I actually fawn for my older brother. Hes my biggest source of verbal/emotional abuse. Anything he says I just agree with so Im not berated or insulted.
reply
Oh my god, I never realized until this video that I actually fawn for my older brother. Hes my biggest source of verbal/emotional abuse. Anything he says I just agree with so Im not berated or insulted.
reply
Lobotomie
The only thing I can relate to: I hate to make decisions, that have almost no impact on anything. I can decide on important things, but the irrelevant ones strike me every day.
reply
The only thing I can relate to: I hate to make decisions, that have almost no impact on anything. I can decide on important things, but the irrelevant ones strike me every day.
reply
Meowdy
Ive lived like this as long as I can remember and I feel so alone and lost while always doing everything I can to help others, and hoping for just small nice gestures back.
reply
Ive lived like this as long as I can remember and I feel so alone and lost while always doing everything I can to help others, and hoping for just small nice gestures back.
reply
TryingYourLuck
My gf is this. She wants to find a job to spoil me and make me love her. I told her to find a support group she says shes only doing it for us. Idk what else to do
reply
My gf is this. She wants to find a job to spoil me and make me love her. I told her to find a support group she says shes only doing it for us. Idk what else to do
reply
F.
I think I'm mentally ill. Extremely ill.
5: 17 But isn't that the reality? Isn't that the trivial truth? I mean if I say no.
Ah! Never mind, I'm mentally ill anyway
reply
I think I'm mentally ill. Extremely ill.
5: 17 But isn't that the reality? Isn't that the trivial truth? I mean if I say no.
Ah! Never mind, I'm mentally ill anyway
reply
AnMComm
The worstart isn't that I fear that the moment I say no, they'll turn on you.
Whenever I actually did try to say no, they immediately did, no matter who it was.
reply
The worstart isn't that I fear that the moment I say no, they'll turn on you.
Whenever I actually did try to say no, they immediately did, no matter who it was.
reply
Add a review, comment
Other channel videos
