How Your Unhealed Trauma Affects Your Relationships
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
Bu
Uh, this probably will be just me letting it out xD
So hi there, dear stranger who is willing to read and get to know much more than someone else
So, honestly, in my current life, I feel like I just exist.
I'm 18, in 12th grade (the last grade and until my final exams I have a month left then I will be free from school. this time feels so tough tho. I'm not sure how I will handle it. School just gets so tough than ever before for me it's dull, dusty, boring, I have each day to bring myself find something to like doing it, so I could get good grades. (since 8th grade I have always been stubborn student, doing my best, working hard to understand and get a good grade to the point when my efforts show low grade makes me want to totrute myself physically) (Yes I'm also a perfectionist) and now I'm tired, I don't want to live like that anymore. I want simple, lovable, beauitful, fulfilling my heart, not others needs life.
There are things I don't want to admit about myself. Like that I'm broken or I have mental issues that has to take time to be fixed (where my mind gets to messed up, I really don't know what's going on anymore) because sometimes it feels like it's just the enviroment that makes me like it, think that way (sometimes I avoid admiting to also keep myself on moving forward and not pity. I can't stop now and look at myself while I have to study)
And it makes me to blame myself that I'm coward to change it, that I can't speak up for myself, that cause of what I'm experiencing I can't help others. this world is in so much pain it lacks people to show them it can be different.
Why I can't change what's happening now to me?
First of all, I actually feel alone. (just realized it now xDddd) (my mom is emotionally quite unreachable, and I only live w her)
Even if people say they will help and blah blah or am I just being sensetive? Overreacting? Overthinking? Wanting too much?
It just become very tough to open up, because I feel like I'm rejected, my heart becomes sensetive to whatever they have to say when I tell them I feel sad and in pain.
It usually disappoints me. And makes silently cry. I don't blame them, I don't want my mood depend on what other tell me.
Second, I don't have energy. Actually I lack it even more now
I can't do sports as much as I used to, I can't enjoy as much activities as I used to (that makes me complex about my body. Food became dead to me. I look at it, I'm hungry but I don't want to eat it, it's hard to eat, to enjoy it as I used to. it makes me want to cry
At school, ah. We have to express our opinions so much and read, do the math most of the time and I can't be as creative towards it anymore, I get very anxious, on the top I feel like my teacher is disbelieving I can do better (for what she once wrote me lower grade (even tho I put the hardest work that time and everything must have been good, I believe, only for that and my classmate/friend(well I don't want to call him my friend) also asked me if I copy pasted. That made me be so disappointed in them)
Yet I don't want to blame those people
Sighs
I recently, actually last year broke up with my girlfriend
It was so hard to stop my feelings for her and let go, I'm not sure if I'm yet fully over her
What we had, was truly special and beautiful like in fairytale, I thought only this kind of love exists in books.
We promised to always be together and get back no matter what.
And she and I said that we feel we are for each other, soulmates and blabla and that we are gonna spend the rest our lifes together.
Yeah. I knew where I was getting myself into when I promised to always love her. I was honest. I think I'm still am. but through this all darkness in me, yet she was the only one holding me so softly in her warm arms (we used to always open up about things, let it out, it was such relief for me cuz I was never able to do that with my relatives, family, they would be cold, judge or just brush off (it was very important for me to be open and talk out things and do a compromise so everything would go well (I still thought I wasn't good for her)and when we broke up and are just close friends, we don't do it anymore. ( i mean as a friends even too. It hurts me and I still think I could let her in my heart if she just utters a word. But after I asked her casually if she has any feelings for me, just said she thinks she is over it and that was her sharing how she feels after a long time and probably will be the last.
After all this, being left alone again, even tho I thought I will never be again
I don't know what's happening in me
I don't think I was healthy for her even if I tried.
I don't want to hurt anyone anymore
I want to run away, I want to live alone and live peacefully have a simple job as a hairstylist or actor or do makeup or just a waiter
Live in a van, heal myself, go to cinema with my true friends that live far once per 2 weeks
And just
Be casual person with clear mind as sky, loving heart that doesn't mind to to extend hand to a fallen stranger and help them get up, drop a coin into a cup for a poor man sitting near the store where people pass them, maybe even bring them food and don't ask anything in exchange, have a nice chat, do art at my own peace, write poems about my deepest feelings for this world, gift my smile, give complimensts to every beauitful person I meet, meet amazing people and be just so ordinary, yet beautiful and leave something before I go
I don't want to, I promised to myself two years ago to not leave this world cause of pain and cause I ended my own life only because this world seems to me nothing more but a suffering and my existence just miserable I'm so glad I saw a lot of things that made me feel it doesn't have to be like this
That it's possible to live the way you want and be free. ( i know that life doesn't get as easy as in fairytales, but what I mean is that to stop literally suffer everyday and do the shi you hate, you get anxious and makes you miserable, want to commit sui, communicate with people that doesn't give a shi about you, disbilieves, betrays, will change you, will make you and encourage you suffer more. THAT'S WHAT I MEAN)
It's hard, I don't know what to expect from the future. I'm afraid I will suffer even more
I don't want to be a working robot for people in goverment, where they prepare us as slaves
And see no point in life
That just gives me the courage to take that rope and wrap around the neck
But until I believe, until I can still do something I will do my best to change it, change my life, change myself
Enjoy life again and this time make it everyday instead of suffer
Just a month.
Just a month.
INFJ/INFP -
reply
Uh, this probably will be just me letting it out xD
So hi there, dear stranger who is willing to read and get to know much more than someone else
So, honestly, in my current life, I feel like I just exist.
I'm 18, in 12th grade (the last grade and until my final exams I have a month left then I will be free from school. this time feels so tough tho. I'm not sure how I will handle it. School just gets so tough than ever before for me it's dull, dusty, boring, I have each day to bring myself find something to like doing it, so I could get good grades. (since 8th grade I have always been stubborn student, doing my best, working hard to understand and get a good grade to the point when my efforts show low grade makes me want to totrute myself physically) (Yes I'm also a perfectionist) and now I'm tired, I don't want to live like that anymore. I want simple, lovable, beauitful, fulfilling my heart, not others needs life.
There are things I don't want to admit about myself. Like that I'm broken or I have mental issues that has to take time to be fixed (where my mind gets to messed up, I really don't know what's going on anymore) because sometimes it feels like it's just the enviroment that makes me like it, think that way (sometimes I avoid admiting to also keep myself on moving forward and not pity. I can't stop now and look at myself while I have to study)
And it makes me to blame myself that I'm coward to change it, that I can't speak up for myself, that cause of what I'm experiencing I can't help others. this world is in so much pain it lacks people to show them it can be different.
Why I can't change what's happening now to me?
First of all, I actually feel alone. (just realized it now xDddd) (my mom is emotionally quite unreachable, and I only live w her)
Even if people say they will help and blah blah or am I just being sensetive? Overreacting? Overthinking? Wanting too much?
It just become very tough to open up, because I feel like I'm rejected, my heart becomes sensetive to whatever they have to say when I tell them I feel sad and in pain.
It usually disappoints me. And makes silently cry. I don't blame them, I don't want my mood depend on what other tell me.
Second, I don't have energy. Actually I lack it even more now
I can't do sports as much as I used to, I can't enjoy as much activities as I used to (that makes me complex about my body. Food became dead to me. I look at it, I'm hungry but I don't want to eat it, it's hard to eat, to enjoy it as I used to. it makes me want to cry
At school, ah. We have to express our opinions so much and read, do the math most of the time and I can't be as creative towards it anymore, I get very anxious, on the top I feel like my teacher is disbelieving I can do better (for what she once wrote me lower grade (even tho I put the hardest work that time and everything must have been good, I believe, only for that and my classmate/friend(well I don't want to call him my friend) also asked me if I copy pasted. That made me be so disappointed in them)
Yet I don't want to blame those people
Sighs
I recently, actually last year broke up with my girlfriend
It was so hard to stop my feelings for her and let go, I'm not sure if I'm yet fully over her
What we had, was truly special and beautiful like in fairytale, I thought only this kind of love exists in books.
We promised to always be together and get back no matter what.
And she and I said that we feel we are for each other, soulmates and blabla and that we are gonna spend the rest our lifes together.
Yeah. I knew where I was getting myself into when I promised to always love her. I was honest. I think I'm still am. but through this all darkness in me, yet she was the only one holding me so softly in her warm arms (we used to always open up about things, let it out, it was such relief for me cuz I was never able to do that with my relatives, family, they would be cold, judge or just brush off (it was very important for me to be open and talk out things and do a compromise so everything would go well (I still thought I wasn't good for her)and when we broke up and are just close friends, we don't do it anymore. ( i mean as a friends even too. It hurts me and I still think I could let her in my heart if she just utters a word. But after I asked her casually if she has any feelings for me, just said she thinks she is over it and that was her sharing how she feels after a long time and probably will be the last.
After all this, being left alone again, even tho I thought I will never be again
I don't know what's happening in me
I don't think I was healthy for her even if I tried.
I don't want to hurt anyone anymore
I want to run away, I want to live alone and live peacefully have a simple job as a hairstylist or actor or do makeup or just a waiter
Live in a van, heal myself, go to cinema with my true friends that live far once per 2 weeks
And just
Be casual person with clear mind as sky, loving heart that doesn't mind to to extend hand to a fallen stranger and help them get up, drop a coin into a cup for a poor man sitting near the store where people pass them, maybe even bring them food and don't ask anything in exchange, have a nice chat, do art at my own peace, write poems about my deepest feelings for this world, gift my smile, give complimensts to every beauitful person I meet, meet amazing people and be just so ordinary, yet beautiful and leave something before I go
I don't want to, I promised to myself two years ago to not leave this world cause of pain and cause I ended my own life only because this world seems to me nothing more but a suffering and my existence just miserable I'm so glad I saw a lot of things that made me feel it doesn't have to be like this
That it's possible to live the way you want and be free. ( i know that life doesn't get as easy as in fairytales, but what I mean is that to stop literally suffer everyday and do the shi you hate, you get anxious and makes you miserable, want to commit sui, communicate with people that doesn't give a shi about you, disbilieves, betrays, will change you, will make you and encourage you suffer more. THAT'S WHAT I MEAN)
It's hard, I don't know what to expect from the future. I'm afraid I will suffer even more
I don't want to be a working robot for people in goverment, where they prepare us as slaves
And see no point in life
That just gives me the courage to take that rope and wrap around the neck
But until I believe, until I can still do something I will do my best to change it, change my life, change myself
Enjoy life again and this time make it everyday instead of suffer
Just a month.
Just a month.
INFJ/INFP -
reply
AlliDaCinnaBun
Recently my dad has been yelling at me a lot recently for nothing at all and today he hasnt said a word to me. He yelled at me for yelling at my sister after I got frustrated and then yelled at me for walking into the living room and asking why my youngest sister was watching my favorite movie without me. I cried so much that day and it reminded me of when he screamed at me for not wanting to be in a spelling bee and stuff and ignored me for a week. The one time he yelled at me so hard he told me directly he was going to ignore me because I was putting away my iPad before going to bed and he thought I was on it. Also I was talking to myself and repeating a list to myself and he thought I was on the phone. When we argue I yell back because he never shuts up long enough for me to explain myself or try and defend myself and he ends up calling me a liar and shutting me out. This man has been my only father since my mom got married to him and he swore to be my father to my face. Now hes acting like someone I dont know. Its probably my fault anyway since I yell at everyone when I get frustrated and cant control my emotions. I have the feeling everyone in my family hates me now and I cant be happy. And behind my back my dad calls me things I dont like and it hurts. It hurts not being able to speak up to him because as soon as I talk he gets angry. I just want a father who cares and doesnt shut me out. I cant share any of my fun topics to him cause he tells me hes not interested or its dumb. I try to show people what Im happy about and they ignore me and it makes me sad. I havent even seen my real dad in forever ever since he grabbed my foot and slammed me onto the ground and now I find out hes hospitalized so. Also my grandma on his side is manipulating my mom and its really hard. But at the end of the day as my dad says my feelings dont matter and its my fault the family is breaking. Just two days ago my youngest sister came up to me and said Your glad you left the garage while you could. Daddy said something not nice about you. And I responded with Of course he did. Hes not the loving father I used to know. Sorry if this made no sense its like 11: 00 at night and Im really tired and Im crying to much and cant see
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Recently my dad has been yelling at me a lot recently for nothing at all and today he hasnt said a word to me. He yelled at me for yelling at my sister after I got frustrated and then yelled at me for walking into the living room and asking why my youngest sister was watching my favorite movie without me. I cried so much that day and it reminded me of when he screamed at me for not wanting to be in a spelling bee and stuff and ignored me for a week. The one time he yelled at me so hard he told me directly he was going to ignore me because I was putting away my iPad before going to bed and he thought I was on it. Also I was talking to myself and repeating a list to myself and he thought I was on the phone. When we argue I yell back because he never shuts up long enough for me to explain myself or try and defend myself and he ends up calling me a liar and shutting me out. This man has been my only father since my mom got married to him and he swore to be my father to my face. Now hes acting like someone I dont know. Its probably my fault anyway since I yell at everyone when I get frustrated and cant control my emotions. I have the feeling everyone in my family hates me now and I cant be happy. And behind my back my dad calls me things I dont like and it hurts. It hurts not being able to speak up to him because as soon as I talk he gets angry. I just want a father who cares and doesnt shut me out. I cant share any of my fun topics to him cause he tells me hes not interested or its dumb. I try to show people what Im happy about and they ignore me and it makes me sad. I havent even seen my real dad in forever ever since he grabbed my foot and slammed me onto the ground and now I find out hes hospitalized so. Also my grandma on his side is manipulating my mom and its really hard. But at the end of the day as my dad says my feelings dont matter and its my fault the family is breaking. Just two days ago my youngest sister came up to me and said Your glad you left the garage while you could. Daddy said something not nice about you. And I responded with Of course he did. Hes not the loving father I used to know. Sorry if this made no sense its like 11: 00 at night and Im really tired and Im crying to much and cant see
reply
love_Iris
I am NOT crying, you are
I relate to all except (kinda) the Functional Adult my dad is one of the main reasons. I broke up w my boyfriend due to the fact I was scared of getting to attached then hurt. My dad emotionally hurts my mom, Im still young so I still hear them fight. I have two younger brothers ones still very little, my other brother and I always cry, but I try not to cry in front of him. I always feel like its my job to take care of my siblings, especially when our parents fight, even with my friends I always have to make them feel better and safe since (once again) I always have felt like it was my job. My mom shes very caring and she has gone through a lot more trauma then I have and she always tells me that I can talk to her since HER mom wasnt home all the time and her dad was not really in the picture, my dad on the other hand, he is more closed in his parents were both there he had older siblings he had MUCH less strict parents then my mom. They grew up in VERY different house holds. My dad, he always tries to take the things out of me and try to help by making me laugh. Anyways that explains a lot about the way I act with people and my relationships. Back to what I was saying about my (now) ex-boyfriend, I found out he was cheating on me with his girl best friend. I had my suspicions, but I honestly never thought, I was giving him the benefit of the doubt obviously that didnt turn out great. At least Im not super down about it. it still hurt and Im not sure how to feel. Anyways you helped me sm figuring myself out the past two (ish) years. Thank you so much again.
reply
I am NOT crying, you are
I relate to all except (kinda) the Functional Adult my dad is one of the main reasons. I broke up w my boyfriend due to the fact I was scared of getting to attached then hurt. My dad emotionally hurts my mom, Im still young so I still hear them fight. I have two younger brothers ones still very little, my other brother and I always cry, but I try not to cry in front of him. I always feel like its my job to take care of my siblings, especially when our parents fight, even with my friends I always have to make them feel better and safe since (once again) I always have felt like it was my job. My mom shes very caring and she has gone through a lot more trauma then I have and she always tells me that I can talk to her since HER mom wasnt home all the time and her dad was not really in the picture, my dad on the other hand, he is more closed in his parents were both there he had older siblings he had MUCH less strict parents then my mom. They grew up in VERY different house holds. My dad, he always tries to take the things out of me and try to help by making me laugh. Anyways that explains a lot about the way I act with people and my relationships. Back to what I was saying about my (now) ex-boyfriend, I found out he was cheating on me with his girl best friend. I had my suspicions, but I honestly never thought, I was giving him the benefit of the doubt obviously that didnt turn out great. At least Im not super down about it. it still hurt and Im not sure how to feel. Anyways you helped me sm figuring myself out the past two (ish) years. Thank you so much again.
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Fallen
What lead to my trauma was the result of many factors. Fake friends/dates leaving me in the dust out of nowhere gave me some bad trust issues. Many people blame for absolutely everything bad that happens. A lot of scolding I get is because of bad events I couldn't prevent, which makes me feel guilty. I get compared to others a lot, which lead to me comparing myself to others as confirmation I suck. I have transformed into a people pleaser. I do everything for people, and I have a very hard time saying no. I was so conditioned by the if you say no, you're cruel/lame/boring stigma, and now I work way too hard for people who do almost nothing for me, hoping they'd like me in the future. Of course it never works.
Romantic relationships? I may never bother with those, again. Women don't like me. My voice is horribly high-pitched for a dude near his dang 20s. I have clothing styles I like, but they aren't attractive, I guess. No girl genuinely said I looked good, besides one (who ended up showing plastic love. Every other girl either says something mean to me, doesn't bother with me, or instantly friend zones me. Before you sigma folk come at me, yes I HAVE BEEN CONFIDENT. YES I HAVE WORKED OUT. YES I HAVE A JOB. YES I HAVE A NICE CAR. IT DOESN'T FLIPPING WORK UNLESS YOU ARE TALL AND HANDSOME. Stop lying to me, bruh.
Ok I'm done ranting. My life is still not that much better. I'm hoping for some change but it'll never come, man.
reply
What lead to my trauma was the result of many factors. Fake friends/dates leaving me in the dust out of nowhere gave me some bad trust issues. Many people blame for absolutely everything bad that happens. A lot of scolding I get is because of bad events I couldn't prevent, which makes me feel guilty. I get compared to others a lot, which lead to me comparing myself to others as confirmation I suck. I have transformed into a people pleaser. I do everything for people, and I have a very hard time saying no. I was so conditioned by the if you say no, you're cruel/lame/boring stigma, and now I work way too hard for people who do almost nothing for me, hoping they'd like me in the future. Of course it never works.
Romantic relationships? I may never bother with those, again. Women don't like me. My voice is horribly high-pitched for a dude near his dang 20s. I have clothing styles I like, but they aren't attractive, I guess. No girl genuinely said I looked good, besides one (who ended up showing plastic love. Every other girl either says something mean to me, doesn't bother with me, or instantly friend zones me. Before you sigma folk come at me, yes I HAVE BEEN CONFIDENT. YES I HAVE WORKED OUT. YES I HAVE A JOB. YES I HAVE A NICE CAR. IT DOESN'T FLIPPING WORK UNLESS YOU ARE TALL AND HANDSOME. Stop lying to me, bruh.
Ok I'm done ranting. My life is still not that much better. I'm hoping for some change but it'll never come, man.
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Mitsuri. Kanroji
im questioning how bad my trauma is im pretty sure i have trauma. heres the story advice is welcome!
i was around 8 when me and my mum came home one night and found our front door smashed and glass everywhere my mum grabbed me and shoved me in the car. we drove a little down the street and called the police. they didnt come(someone did but the police came 3 days later) we stayed in a hotel that night my dad came too as he was at work when me and my mum got home we stayed in the hotel 3 days and when we had to go home i was scared and cried begging not to go back but we couldnt stay in a hotel forever so we went home. i wouldnt go anywhere by myself for years EVEN THE BATHROOM!
im now a teenager and this fear still looms behind me. if i hear any unusual noises i hide. if i need to go somewhere threw the house i run worried someone is there. if i see a weird shadow that slightly resembles a human in the house i runaway to my safe spot and hide for a good 5 minutes. i sleep fully under the pillows and blankets so i wont be seen.
writing this makes me realise how bad this sounds
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im questioning how bad my trauma is im pretty sure i have trauma. heres the story advice is welcome!
i was around 8 when me and my mum came home one night and found our front door smashed and glass everywhere my mum grabbed me and shoved me in the car. we drove a little down the street and called the police. they didnt come(someone did but the police came 3 days later) we stayed in a hotel that night my dad came too as he was at work when me and my mum got home we stayed in the hotel 3 days and when we had to go home i was scared and cried begging not to go back but we couldnt stay in a hotel forever so we went home. i wouldnt go anywhere by myself for years EVEN THE BATHROOM!
im now a teenager and this fear still looms behind me. if i hear any unusual noises i hide. if i need to go somewhere threw the house i run worried someone is there. if i see a weird shadow that slightly resembles a human in the house i runaway to my safe spot and hide for a good 5 minutes. i sleep fully under the pillows and blankets so i wont be seen.
writing this makes me realise how bad this sounds
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Sophia
Ima adaptive child bc today I was cleaning with my dad and I was so tired of cleaning that when I was so annoyed of the music that he was putting on while I was cleaning I couldnt help it I felt weak and non emotional and like my dad yells at me I have related on this one but when I was so mad he yelled really loud I wasnt even screaming at him like what the heck the Manager can hear us next door we lived in a apartment and like I yelled at him back and then we agreed then after it was over I was kinda crying my eyes where really really blurry and I felt even more weak like I couldnt do anything about it no one to help me. I felt like I was at a prison and people telling me what to do Ik Im wrong but wed have to do everything over and over AND OVER! Im tired! And then my friends that I text on my phone is that they would just tell me to do something or a favor for them and I try not to be mean bc well there good friends and I dont want to make them feel bad just like I am. so I did it anyways I hope you understand.
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Ima adaptive child bc today I was cleaning with my dad and I was so tired of cleaning that when I was so annoyed of the music that he was putting on while I was cleaning I couldnt help it I felt weak and non emotional and like my dad yells at me I have related on this one but when I was so mad he yelled really loud I wasnt even screaming at him like what the heck the Manager can hear us next door we lived in a apartment and like I yelled at him back and then we agreed then after it was over I was kinda crying my eyes where really really blurry and I felt even more weak like I couldnt do anything about it no one to help me. I felt like I was at a prison and people telling me what to do Ik Im wrong but wed have to do everything over and over AND OVER! Im tired! And then my friends that I text on my phone is that they would just tell me to do something or a favor for them and I try not to be mean bc well there good friends and I dont want to make them feel bad just like I am. so I did it anyways I hope you understand.
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froge
I opened up to my therapist about how my father threatens, guilt-trips and shames me when I stand up for myself and he tries to manipulate me into believing his beliefs which are mostly conspiracies or discriminative ideas. My therapist said that this is abuse and that she is obliged to talk to my parents or the family helper and I am afraid of how my father will react. I feel like I betrayed him and I am going to ruin his life but this can't continue because he has been ruining mine. Just in moments when he is not abusive I regret ever opening up and I can't decide if this is because of the manipulation or if I actually did the wrong thing. Sorry if I misused some terms, english is not my first language and I'm not sure if i translated them correctly.
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I opened up to my therapist about how my father threatens, guilt-trips and shames me when I stand up for myself and he tries to manipulate me into believing his beliefs which are mostly conspiracies or discriminative ideas. My therapist said that this is abuse and that she is obliged to talk to my parents or the family helper and I am afraid of how my father will react. I feel like I betrayed him and I am going to ruin his life but this can't continue because he has been ruining mine. Just in moments when he is not abusive I regret ever opening up and I can't decide if this is because of the manipulation or if I actually did the wrong thing. Sorry if I misused some terms, english is not my first language and I'm not sure if i translated them correctly.
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ATLAS
2: 48 broke me, after so many times getting mentally attacked and parents fighting constantly I detached myself, I stuck that little child into the deepest and safest Cavern, of my mind and a Sea of barriers and I swore that my soul shall break before that little child ever gets hurt again, I became a loner and became stronger to protect it, my youngest sister says I need therapy, but I refuse to lower a barrier to anyone especially a stranger, I'm terrified to think I may have to let myself through the barriers and not necessarily letgo but confront the child, and I'm afraid of what the result might be.
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2: 48 broke me, after so many times getting mentally attacked and parents fighting constantly I detached myself, I stuck that little child into the deepest and safest Cavern, of my mind and a Sea of barriers and I swore that my soul shall break before that little child ever gets hurt again, I became a loner and became stronger to protect it, my youngest sister says I need therapy, but I refuse to lower a barrier to anyone especially a stranger, I'm terrified to think I may have to let myself through the barriers and not necessarily letgo but confront the child, and I'm afraid of what the result might be.
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emily
The last person I was in a relationship with told me that the only reason our relationship was broken is because ALL of my relationships were broken (reffering to a fall out with my father, and that my default state was hurt. I think that hurt more than anything that could have possibly been said in that moment. My solution was to block her on everything and delete her contact, which I still cry over doing. I imagine a perfect person in my head, scenario after scenario, temporaily providing safety within myself. I don't allow for closeness anymore, because I fear that she was actually right.
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The last person I was in a relationship with told me that the only reason our relationship was broken is because ALL of my relationships were broken (reffering to a fall out with my father, and that my default state was hurt. I think that hurt more than anything that could have possibly been said in that moment. My solution was to block her on everything and delete her contact, which I still cry over doing. I imagine a perfect person in my head, scenario after scenario, temporaily providing safety within myself. I don't allow for closeness anymore, because I fear that she was actually right.
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Debby
Can we talk about when people actually leave you? When it's them and not you? I've always been introverted and had a hard time making genuine friendships but when I did find my people, our friendship lasted for (surprisingly) five months. I left because they showed me that I don't really matter to them (or that's what my brain made me believe. There were moments I felt like they don't really like me. Again, it was the voices but those people also showed me, in their way, that they don't care. Unread messages, ignoring me in my face etc. Idk.
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Can we talk about when people actually leave you? When it's them and not you? I've always been introverted and had a hard time making genuine friendships but when I did find my people, our friendship lasted for (surprisingly) five months. I left because they showed me that I don't really matter to them (or that's what my brain made me believe. There were moments I felt like they don't really like me. Again, it was the voices but those people also showed me, in their way, that they don't care. Unread messages, ignoring me in my face etc. Idk.
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Lotus
I can relate. My mom divorced my abusive father when I was 10 or 11. My sister and I chose to live with our mother. Afterwards, our father refused to even communicate with us. In my 20s and early 30s, I had mostly negative dating experiences. Though Ive gotten professional help, I still have no desire to be romantically involved with anyone, much less get married. Honestly, Im glad to be single with no kids. My main priority now is to look after my retired mother. My focus is on the present and future, not the past that cant be changed.
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I can relate. My mom divorced my abusive father when I was 10 or 11. My sister and I chose to live with our mother. Afterwards, our father refused to even communicate with us. In my 20s and early 30s, I had mostly negative dating experiences. Though Ive gotten professional help, I still have no desire to be romantically involved with anyone, much less get married. Honestly, Im glad to be single with no kids. My main priority now is to look after my retired mother. My focus is on the present and future, not the past that cant be changed.
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Addy
I'm an adaptive child, not to my partner but to my family and friends. I'm also number 3, I have a lot of trouble communicating and showing my emotions, not all of them but the sad ones. When I'm upset i shit down and won't say a word. none of this my actions are from my parents though, it's more from bullying. I've been getting bullied since I started school, and I still am. It's hard. Especially since half of my friend group and my boyfriend are getting bullied as well.
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I'm an adaptive child, not to my partner but to my family and friends. I'm also number 3, I have a lot of trouble communicating and showing my emotions, not all of them but the sad ones. When I'm upset i shit down and won't say a word. none of this my actions are from my parents though, it's more from bullying. I've been getting bullied since I started school, and I still am. It's hard. Especially since half of my friend group and my boyfriend are getting bullied as well.
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JayTheGoatLord552
I find it hard to connect with people because im in a position where i cant be myself
I dont trust others to keep my secrets so i act closed off for fear of the real me getting out and ruining my homelife
Its really hard as if i had good friends i'd have the support to leave that environment but bonds are hard to form and i often find i invest and expect far too much from friendships
They aren't a replacement for the family i should have had
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I find it hard to connect with people because im in a position where i cant be myself
I dont trust others to keep my secrets so i act closed off for fear of the real me getting out and ruining my homelife
Its really hard as if i had good friends i'd have the support to leave that environment but bonds are hard to form and i often find i invest and expect far too much from friendships
They aren't a replacement for the family i should have had
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milkynai
the last one hit me like a truck on a highway. i have lost so many people in my life that were dear to me, mostly by them abandoning or replacing me. the last 2 relationships i've been in left me terrified of talking through DMs with others online. i have no friends either. yet i wish so much i wasn't lonely. i wish i was liked, accepted and wanted. i'm going to therapy, but i have so much to deal with that there hasn't been any progress on that topic.
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the last one hit me like a truck on a highway. i have lost so many people in my life that were dear to me, mostly by them abandoning or replacing me. the last 2 relationships i've been in left me terrified of talking through DMs with others online. i have no friends either. yet i wish so much i wasn't lonely. i wish i was liked, accepted and wanted. i'm going to therapy, but i have so much to deal with that there hasn't been any progress on that topic.
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Twisted
im in my first real relationship: )
I have a few friends that i know but my partner is the first closest relationship ive ever had and ive been with them for almost 8 months: )
but im doubtful, ashamed, insecure, scared, jealous and angry
my partner has never been horrible to me the only case is when they broke a small promise
it made me have ideas that would harm me more that benefit
i dont know how to reach out so im trying
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im in my first real relationship: )
I have a few friends that i know but my partner is the first closest relationship ive ever had and ive been with them for almost 8 months: )
but im doubtful, ashamed, insecure, scared, jealous and angry
my partner has never been horrible to me the only case is when they broke a small promise
it made me have ideas that would harm me more that benefit
i dont know how to reach out so im trying
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Ballerina
Hi, sorry to bug you but I have a quick question.
Growing up me and my mom were constantly fighting. It always ended up kinda one sided, and eventually I would just sit there quietly until she was finished. Now whenever I get in an argument with someone I completely shut down and stop talking as soon as the yelling starts. The most I can do is nod a little or shake my head.
Is there a way to make this stop happening?
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Hi, sorry to bug you but I have a quick question.
Growing up me and my mom were constantly fighting. It always ended up kinda one sided, and eventually I would just sit there quietly until she was finished. Now whenever I get in an argument with someone I completely shut down and stop talking as soon as the yelling starts. The most I can do is nod a little or shake my head.
Is there a way to make this stop happening?
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NebirosVT
Trust is the same thing as reliance.
All creatures need to obey; no-one can survive without trusting someone. Someone they feel is better; more worthy than themselves.
To avoid that responsibility, those who are worthy look even higher searching for more superior beings, and those superiors do the same, looking for even stronger individuals they can believe in.
That is how kings are created and how gods are born.
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Trust is the same thing as reliance.
All creatures need to obey; no-one can survive without trusting someone. Someone they feel is better; more worthy than themselves.
To avoid that responsibility, those who are worthy look even higher searching for more superior beings, and those superiors do the same, looking for even stronger individuals they can believe in.
That is how kings are created and how gods are born.
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Gabriel
(Un)Funny how can i relate to all the points on this video. Although i surely walked a long way on several trauma healings, they have been so numerous and i had so little time for myself that i can't say i'm close to fully be past them. For the ones familiar with Harry Potter, my dream is that Pensieves were a real thing, so at least i could look at my memories and tell my brain it's not my fault.
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(Un)Funny how can i relate to all the points on this video. Although i surely walked a long way on several trauma healings, they have been so numerous and i had so little time for myself that i can't say i'm close to fully be past them. For the ones familiar with Harry Potter, my dream is that Pensieves were a real thing, so at least i could look at my memories and tell my brain it's not my fault.
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Landon
Im still only a teen and I was psychologically abused by my father (and still am) and police dont to shit bout it so I have to live through it, and I have watched some of your videos and I figured out that he is a master manipulator and a dark empath and he had been diagnosed with psychotic something i dont remember but I still feel broken and cut myself to stop the pain
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Im still only a teen and I was psychologically abused by my father (and still am) and police dont to shit bout it so I have to live through it, and I have watched some of your videos and I figured out that he is a master manipulator and a dark empath and he had been diagnosed with psychotic something i dont remember but I still feel broken and cut myself to stop the pain
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Katsuki
As an adolescent I had my mother who is always strict at academics we don't talk too much through years I keep pushing myself to get to the top of the class this leaves me push me to the edge a lot of times luckily I have the school psychiatrist helping me recover from intense school burnout and depression even I still have my mother, who is close-minded.
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As an adolescent I had my mother who is always strict at academics we don't talk too much through years I keep pushing myself to get to the top of the class this leaves me push me to the edge a lot of times luckily I have the school psychiatrist helping me recover from intense school burnout and depression even I still have my mother, who is close-minded.
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Lunar
I'm a perfectionist, and yet I still don't know how or when my parents wounded me psychologically. even though my dad wasn't there to love me as much as my mom, I still got a lot of love and care. it's overwhelming to have to keep treating everything that is already diagnosed, and to find out that there's roots that dig deeper down that I have to fix
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I'm a perfectionist, and yet I still don't know how or when my parents wounded me psychologically. even though my dad wasn't there to love me as much as my mom, I still got a lot of love and care. it's overwhelming to have to keep treating everything that is already diagnosed, and to find out that there's roots that dig deeper down that I have to fix
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Antonio
The moment that i can't even scream, cry, and get angry even to your family is annoying and sad I just stay silent afraid of what might happen or letting the situation worst. I've done some horrible things along my life and I try to change however something seems to pull me back. If only psychological help is free in my country.
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The moment that i can't even scream, cry, and get angry even to your family is annoying and sad I just stay silent afraid of what might happen or letting the situation worst. I've done some horrible things along my life and I try to change however something seems to pull me back. If only psychological help is free in my country.
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Zurekk
I relate to the last one a lot, i was left alone a lot as a child and i had 2 times that i won't talk about, and now i just want to be left alone. I don't need any friends because how i see it is that everyone hates me, so i might as well just not try. Whats the point in trying if you're just going to fail when you try?
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I relate to the last one a lot, i was left alone a lot as a child and i had 2 times that i won't talk about, and now i just want to be left alone. I don't need any friends because how i see it is that everyone hates me, so i might as well just not try. Whats the point in trying if you're just going to fail when you try?
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Relma
I am a wounded child until recently. I found out that I was always shutting down and trying to avoid conflict with my Husband.
For traumas it has always been number 3 and 4. Im glad that my husband and I have talked about it properly and we both are on the stages of healing our traumas. Hope everyone is too.
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I am a wounded child until recently. I found out that I was always shutting down and trying to avoid conflict with my Husband.
For traumas it has always been number 3 and 4. Im glad that my husband and I have talked about it properly and we both are on the stages of healing our traumas. Hope everyone is too.
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Angel
My ex broke up with me 3 years ago, we dated for almost 5 years.
And a week when she left me had somebody else and I deleted all of my social media and havent talked to anybody ever since.
Im exhausted of dreaming and thinking about her plus past trauma of my own, I am exhausted LMAOOOHELPPMELMAO
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My ex broke up with me 3 years ago, we dated for almost 5 years.
And a week when she left me had somebody else and I deleted all of my social media and havent talked to anybody ever since.
Im exhausted of dreaming and thinking about her plus past trauma of my own, I am exhausted LMAOOOHELPPMELMAO
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