The Paradox of Attraction
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
EnglishAaron
I know contingent self confidence, it felt wrong to just reject what the external said even if the internal disagreed and told me it was trauma and others were doing similar to me, just well towards me rather than adhering to being more respectful towards me so I could get ahold of myself when I started to lose my grip over how I was reacting instead of responding because I felt attacked even when it wasn't true. It's not nice to have depression to sow doubt you have to constantly fight against and will endlessly nibble at you to destructive obsession to find out what someone close to you said vaguely rather than ignoring it and going with if it was important they would state what it is, not my responsibility to figure it out. I also want to stress that if you don't want to end up damaged like me, if you feel you are wrongly being prescribed an antipsychotic don't take it, go see a therapist and politely decline to take the meds. Go get another doctors opinion, taking those meds can really mess you up, don't act out of feeling obligated or feel guilty for safeguarding your well-being as even psychiatrists make mistakes.
I genuinely don't want others to end up like me and losing the ability to subtly and efficiently flirt struggling to find guides to help redevelop a skill most people take for granted until the ability to subtly flirt is gone and you're more hopeless than others to find a partner in a world that's made it too complex, or you can join me in bitterness, trying to figure out how to get everything to collapse so suffering can't be ignored and all wrongs are answered for
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I know contingent self confidence, it felt wrong to just reject what the external said even if the internal disagreed and told me it was trauma and others were doing similar to me, just well towards me rather than adhering to being more respectful towards me so I could get ahold of myself when I started to lose my grip over how I was reacting instead of responding because I felt attacked even when it wasn't true. It's not nice to have depression to sow doubt you have to constantly fight against and will endlessly nibble at you to destructive obsession to find out what someone close to you said vaguely rather than ignoring it and going with if it was important they would state what it is, not my responsibility to figure it out. I also want to stress that if you don't want to end up damaged like me, if you feel you are wrongly being prescribed an antipsychotic don't take it, go see a therapist and politely decline to take the meds. Go get another doctors opinion, taking those meds can really mess you up, don't act out of feeling obligated or feel guilty for safeguarding your well-being as even psychiatrists make mistakes.
I genuinely don't want others to end up like me and losing the ability to subtly and efficiently flirt struggling to find guides to help redevelop a skill most people take for granted until the ability to subtly flirt is gone and you're more hopeless than others to find a partner in a world that's made it too complex, or you can join me in bitterness, trying to figure out how to get everything to collapse so suffering can't be ignored and all wrongs are answered for
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Mark
I always knew in theory that the back-and-forth approach was the best because it leaves breathing space for the girl (especially in nowadays society where we value our independence a lot) but I've never been able to make it in practice.
After 38 years of failure I've been diagnosed with ADHD and made me realise how my hyperactivity/impulsivity deeply sabotaged me along with hyperfocus, intrinsic immaturity, low self esteem and other factors strictly linked to ADHD.
Now I just hope that one day I'll be able to approach girls with a little bit of peace of mind, chill and confidence. Maybe the medications will help a bit, who knows
P. s. I also hope that with some luck I'll meet more people with mental health and neurodiversity awareness and also that I will able to be more open about my disorder which would help a lot I think
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I always knew in theory that the back-and-forth approach was the best because it leaves breathing space for the girl (especially in nowadays society where we value our independence a lot) but I've never been able to make it in practice.
After 38 years of failure I've been diagnosed with ADHD and made me realise how my hyperactivity/impulsivity deeply sabotaged me along with hyperfocus, intrinsic immaturity, low self esteem and other factors strictly linked to ADHD.
Now I just hope that one day I'll be able to approach girls with a little bit of peace of mind, chill and confidence. Maybe the medications will help a bit, who knows
P. s. I also hope that with some luck I'll meet more people with mental health and neurodiversity awareness and also that I will able to be more open about my disorder which would help a lot I think
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Akano
Could somebody give me some tips?
I have this boy in my class, and for some reason I keep thinking of him- hes adorable and I dont know what to do about it- sometimes I catch him looking at me and immediately jerk my head away and go into a nervous state for like 5 minutes, but it makes me happy for some reason! Hes sporty, funny, can be kind of annoying in the sense that he tends to be an attention seeker sometimes, and tries to cheer up his friends with humor, I honestly would like to get closer to him, also as a friend
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Could somebody give me some tips?
I have this boy in my class, and for some reason I keep thinking of him- hes adorable and I dont know what to do about it- sometimes I catch him looking at me and immediately jerk my head away and go into a nervous state for like 5 minutes, but it makes me happy for some reason! Hes sporty, funny, can be kind of annoying in the sense that he tends to be an attention seeker sometimes, and tries to cheer up his friends with humor, I honestly would like to get closer to him, also as a friend
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education
how even can you stop thinking about it? It s en evolutionary mechanism that stops you from ignoring it. And even if you somehow manage to look away, how long with it take for someone to notice you, especially when you re not doing anything to get their attention? And eventhough im thinking about it, Its been a long time since i ve had a conversation with a girl, other than the ones i know im not gonna date. so in a way i am indeed ignoring them. doesnt seem to do any work,
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how even can you stop thinking about it? It s en evolutionary mechanism that stops you from ignoring it. And even if you somehow manage to look away, how long with it take for someone to notice you, especially when you re not doing anything to get their attention? And eventhough im thinking about it, Its been a long time since i ve had a conversation with a girl, other than the ones i know im not gonna date. so in a way i am indeed ignoring them. doesnt seem to do any work,
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DOODADOF
Or you can try this also. ask a girl what her favorite thing is. Then lower your eye brows flare your eyes and bare your teeth. if your doing this right you should look like someone has your balls in a vice. then say I don't care! then yell I don't care. I don't care! then yell as loud and aggressive as you can I don't care! I don't care. it is important to increase your aggressive behavior slowly and maintian eye contact. 50% of the time it works 100% of the time.
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Or you can try this also. ask a girl what her favorite thing is. Then lower your eye brows flare your eyes and bare your teeth. if your doing this right you should look like someone has your balls in a vice. then say I don't care! then yell I don't care. I don't care! then yell as loud and aggressive as you can I don't care! I don't care. it is important to increase your aggressive behavior slowly and maintian eye contact. 50% of the time it works 100% of the time.
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karoshi2
I've been told to do these mind games of seem so-and-so my whole life. Found out it's best to be honest, to others and yourself.
Self fulfilling beliefs are a thing sometimes, sure. Try to look not that interested? Not so much.
Best advice until now (may well be it's from you, too, honestly don't know): by playing something you are not, you attract people you don't want. Even worse: you repulse those you do want in your life.
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I've been told to do these mind games of seem so-and-so my whole life. Found out it's best to be honest, to others and yourself.
Self fulfilling beliefs are a thing sometimes, sure. Try to look not that interested? Not so much.
Best advice until now (may well be it's from you, too, honestly don't know): by playing something you are not, you attract people you don't want. Even worse: you repulse those you do want in your life.
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Aqua
I have a paradox cycle of self-esteem.
I'm optimistic, so I really think that I'm attractive, happy, etc, which increases my self-esteem. But then the thought of self-love being attractive and me being STILL single, makes my self-esteem drop. Then the cycle repeats. I hype me up, because it's better for me than thinking I'm no one. I forget the problem, I'm happy. I remember I still have no one.
etc. etc.
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I have a paradox cycle of self-esteem.
I'm optimistic, so I really think that I'm attractive, happy, etc, which increases my self-esteem. But then the thought of self-love being attractive and me being STILL single, makes my self-esteem drop. Then the cycle repeats. I hype me up, because it's better for me than thinking I'm no one. I forget the problem, I'm happy. I remember I still have no one.
etc. etc.
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malufet333
I do believe that I am attractive and I'm very rarely get complemented and that's why I get uncomfortable whenever I get complemented and that is also why I humble myself when I get complemented and sometimes even make negative comments about my self just to make the other person laugh.
My question is: is it contradicting when you believe that you are attractive but also humble yourself?
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I do believe that I am attractive and I'm very rarely get complemented and that's why I get uncomfortable whenever I get complemented and that is also why I humble myself when I get complemented and sometimes even make negative comments about my self just to make the other person laugh.
My question is: is it contradicting when you believe that you are attractive but also humble yourself?
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Jakub
Honestly it's sounds not quite right. Spending time alone, not love bombing, not being clingy etc. is good but if you want to act certain way and you force yourself to don't do that it's like putting mask on. And when you have no longer power to carry that mask on and you drop it off then second person is confused because knowed you from that mask side, not your authentic side.
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Honestly it's sounds not quite right. Spending time alone, not love bombing, not being clingy etc. is good but if you want to act certain way and you force yourself to don't do that it's like putting mask on. And when you have no longer power to carry that mask on and you drop it off then second person is confused because knowed you from that mask side, not your authentic side.
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CAP
Since high school I kinda believe that I wont be able to succesful as other because of my perfectionist ocd and laziness despite I was pretty succesful before in middle school. I ve tried to chanced it a lot but it never worked. I am gonna try again after this video. If you guys have similar experience hope you can help me to overcome this stuation.
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Since high school I kinda believe that I wont be able to succesful as other because of my perfectionist ocd and laziness despite I was pretty succesful before in middle school. I ve tried to chanced it a lot but it never worked. I am gonna try again after this video. If you guys have similar experience hope you can help me to overcome this stuation.
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Olesya
I can confidently confirm that the attempt to give a person some space and and show them that you are okay to spend less time with them DOES NOT WORK to attract them, because there are other people around who are less respectful, more invasive and do not stop to go low to catch a partner for themselves.
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I can confidently confirm that the attempt to give a person some space and and show them that you are okay to spend less time with them DOES NOT WORK to attract them, because there are other people around who are less respectful, more invasive and do not stop to go low to catch a partner for themselves.
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yul
I agree! Thats how my great love manga story has been in my headbut thats a story anout two policemen (a man and a woman) so the field of occupation certainly influences that behaving like you not into them/trying to stay professionalbut id rather combine those two not just going for one of those methods
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I agree! Thats how my great love manga story has been in my headbut thats a story anout two policemen (a man and a woman) so the field of occupation certainly influences that behaving like you not into them/trying to stay professionalbut id rather combine those two not just going for one of those methods
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Zenith
Id try to act outgoing and confident, but my anxiety doesnt let me. Im always shaky and stutter-y, so I fear social interaction with anyone except my friends, which makes it difficult to communicate with people Im attracted to because it always ends up being an acquaintance.
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Id try to act outgoing and confident, but my anxiety doesnt let me. Im always shaky and stutter-y, so I fear social interaction with anyone except my friends, which makes it difficult to communicate with people Im attracted to because it always ends up being an acquaintance.
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peachaesthxtic
I don't even want to attract my crush. I am okay with seeing him from a distance. I know I'm a very boring person with low self esteem. I would prolly come out as weird or awkward. I would rather prefer to be invisible in front of him.
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I don't even want to attract my crush. I am okay with seeing him from a distance. I know I'm a very boring person with low self esteem. I would prolly come out as weird or awkward. I would rather prefer to be invisible in front of him.
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Sophie
Hey can u make a video about ADHD because I just found out that the psychopath that I talked about IS NOT a psychopath. My friend Henry said that he has Autism a few months ago and then today he found out that the psychopath has ADHD instead.
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Hey can u make a video about ADHD because I just found out that the psychopath that I talked about IS NOT a psychopath. My friend Henry said that he has Autism a few months ago and then today he found out that the psychopath has ADHD instead.
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Abdul
Remember These Three Things: -
1. What You Think Of Yourself In The Inside, Reflects On The Outside.
2. People Will Treat You How You Feel About Them And Yourself.
& Last But Not The Least, The Law Of Belief Is 'The Law Of Life'.
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Remember These Three Things: -
1. What You Think Of Yourself In The Inside, Reflects On The Outside.
2. People Will Treat You How You Feel About Them And Yourself.
& Last But Not The Least, The Law Of Belief Is 'The Law Of Life'.
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Hitler
You told us to act oppositely to what we want. In another video you told us to be 100% ourselves. What if we want to act like ourselves? Should we act oppositely and not be ourselves? Am I misunderstanding something here?
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You told us to act oppositely to what we want. In another video you told us to be 100% ourselves. What if we want to act like ourselves? Should we act oppositely and not be ourselves? Am I misunderstanding something here?
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Nitzan
I've turned to auto mode years ago, i just do stuff without me being able to control it, most of the time i hate that, but that also means that my low self esteem basically effects nothing about my surroundings
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I've turned to auto mode years ago, i just do stuff without me being able to control it, most of the time i hate that, but that also means that my low self esteem basically effects nothing about my surroundings
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Aidan
When you're attractive people will either like you or your body
When you're ugly half of the only two possibilities will be eliminated.
And shallow people won't even want to glance at you that's for sure.
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When you're attractive people will either like you or your body
When you're ugly half of the only two possibilities will be eliminated.
And shallow people won't even want to glance at you that's for sure.
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AntraxiyCz
Can someone tell what is wrong with me?
I had perfectly normal childhood I had many friends but now, I think that I am unvanted and that something is wrong with me (maybe it's becouse I am unvanted.
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Can someone tell what is wrong with me?
I had perfectly normal childhood I had many friends but now, I think that I am unvanted and that something is wrong with me (maybe it's becouse I am unvanted.
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surchie
Remember that sometimes you just aren't what someone is looking for, and that's ok. The Sherlock Paradox can be used on yourself to. If you want to feel more confident, act more confident. To act is to be.
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Remember that sometimes you just aren't what someone is looking for, and that's ok. The Sherlock Paradox can be used on yourself to. If you want to feel more confident, act more confident. To act is to be.
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Helfarbjdr
lol I opened up and started talking to people, made some friends at the gym, made some friends in my classes. I am gonna have a friend over today actually for hte first time in a while
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lol I opened up and started talking to people, made some friends at the gym, made some friends in my classes. I am gonna have a friend over today actually for hte first time in a while
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ozz
I use this Self-Fulfilling Prophecy to my own advantage actually. I convince myself that I am what I seek already, it actually works quite well and helps me to get thrugh obstacles n stuff.
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I use this Self-Fulfilling Prophecy to my own advantage actually. I convince myself that I am what I seek already, it actually works quite well and helps me to get thrugh obstacles n stuff.
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No
Don't give her so much attention but when you do because you have to if you want her to like you, be funny and cool and flirty. Give her less of your time but make it memorable.
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Don't give her so much attention but when you do because you have to if you want her to like you, be funny and cool and flirty. Give her less of your time but make it memorable.
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alexander
This is so manipulative and only made to narcissist. At the end of the day, if you are trying to hard you might get disappointed
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This is so manipulative and only made to narcissist. At the end of the day, if you are trying to hard you might get disappointed
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