8 Toxic Things Parents Say To their Children
video description
And about that fake promises thing at the end, my father ALWAYS does this, and that's why I cut him off for days and weeks at a time. My mom divorced him because he kept lying all the time.
Date: 2023-09-11
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Comments and reviews: 19
Robert
I don't usually comment. But. My parents, even though they're not bad. They're having a bad time every once in a while. 5 and 7. One time, my dad, when I said no when I felt uncomfortable to upload a reel or Story for. His reasons. If I Don't wanna do it because it does make me feel uncomfortable. But he is stubborn, he is stubborn. So yeah. #5 is kind of a relatable. And 7, is when mom wants me to have great grades, no failures, even though I want to have a break, in order not to break my mentality health (I do love my mom, and she loves me. But sometimes, it's annoying to hear her say somethings like, threatening me to abandon me. Not only #5 is her, but also #7) Like when I said a bad grade, Mom or dad would compare to better students or better kids. But when I got a good grade. They say good job, usually it's a good thing to say, but when I compare to better students who didn't do a good job, My mom or my dad say that they don't care about others. Only Me. Like. Really. It's annoying and Irritating. So, imho, #5 and #7 is relatable to me.
Also, I would say to Psych2go to add another thing. I don't if psych2go would answer. But the should add a thing on the list and that is:
The Volume of the Parents Voice when they say to children or to themselves. (Even though it's not about what parents would say to children)
Here's an example: Let's say that, he/she in a room when he/she was a child.
(only child or siblings, I think it's goes the same effect, if they, the siblings have the same personality to each other) and he/she plays or do anything fun. But unfortunately. The voice and volume of the argument to Parents when they argue. They could affect a child indirectly, emotionally and Mentally. And when a child wants to stop, or if they're crying. Arguments would be even worse, imho. Sometimes, it would be to near physical abuse. When the children sees that their parents are arguing, the child would cry because the child signals them to stop. But. Yeah. I got in deep and now. Regardless, I think you guys get the point.
Edit: Apologies for my bad language, I am not quite good at English.
Edit 2: I still love my parents but they need to cooperate and to stop arguing for a long while.
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I don't usually comment. But. My parents, even though they're not bad. They're having a bad time every once in a while. 5 and 7. One time, my dad, when I said no when I felt uncomfortable to upload a reel or Story for. His reasons. If I Don't wanna do it because it does make me feel uncomfortable. But he is stubborn, he is stubborn. So yeah. #5 is kind of a relatable. And 7, is when mom wants me to have great grades, no failures, even though I want to have a break, in order not to break my mentality health (I do love my mom, and she loves me. But sometimes, it's annoying to hear her say somethings like, threatening me to abandon me. Not only #5 is her, but also #7) Like when I said a bad grade, Mom or dad would compare to better students or better kids. But when I got a good grade. They say good job, usually it's a good thing to say, but when I compare to better students who didn't do a good job, My mom or my dad say that they don't care about others. Only Me. Like. Really. It's annoying and Irritating. So, imho, #5 and #7 is relatable to me.
Also, I would say to Psych2go to add another thing. I don't if psych2go would answer. But the should add a thing on the list and that is:
The Volume of the Parents Voice when they say to children or to themselves. (Even though it's not about what parents would say to children)
Here's an example: Let's say that, he/she in a room when he/she was a child.
(only child or siblings, I think it's goes the same effect, if they, the siblings have the same personality to each other) and he/she plays or do anything fun. But unfortunately. The voice and volume of the argument to Parents when they argue. They could affect a child indirectly, emotionally and Mentally. And when a child wants to stop, or if they're crying. Arguments would be even worse, imho. Sometimes, it would be to near physical abuse. When the children sees that their parents are arguing, the child would cry because the child signals them to stop. But. Yeah. I got in deep and now. Regardless, I think you guys get the point.
Edit: Apologies for my bad language, I am not quite good at English.
Edit 2: I still love my parents but they need to cooperate and to stop arguing for a long while.
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theoldboulder
my mom threatened to leave me at some places just so i can hurry up and catch up to her. a few months ago this year, i was going through a rough time with my health, and my mom not once asked if i was okay or if i need to go home. she simply just told me to stop wasting time and let's go to jcpenney to get my niece and nephew easter pics. during that, my best friend called me and asked if i was okay, and we chatted for a long time till i realized i was aimlessly wandering around the store and i got lost. my mom and my sister kept calling and texting me, and i didn't realize it till now because my phone never notified me. when my mom threatened to leave me at the parking lot, i hurried out of the store and tried my best not to cry. the same thing happened to my sister when she was in highschool, and she told me that mom has always been hard on us. don't worry about it. being the anxious person i was at the time, i was worrying about what i did wrong and if i wasted her time. turns out i was just being abused from her words and have abandonment and trust issues when people threaten to leave me.
i hope parents watch this video and be mindful of what they do and say around their child/children. it is very important to learn psychology in this day and age cause you'll never know what will happen.
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my mom threatened to leave me at some places just so i can hurry up and catch up to her. a few months ago this year, i was going through a rough time with my health, and my mom not once asked if i was okay or if i need to go home. she simply just told me to stop wasting time and let's go to jcpenney to get my niece and nephew easter pics. during that, my best friend called me and asked if i was okay, and we chatted for a long time till i realized i was aimlessly wandering around the store and i got lost. my mom and my sister kept calling and texting me, and i didn't realize it till now because my phone never notified me. when my mom threatened to leave me at the parking lot, i hurried out of the store and tried my best not to cry. the same thing happened to my sister when she was in highschool, and she told me that mom has always been hard on us. don't worry about it. being the anxious person i was at the time, i was worrying about what i did wrong and if i wasted her time. turns out i was just being abused from her words and have abandonment and trust issues when people threaten to leave me.
i hope parents watch this video and be mindful of what they do and say around their child/children. it is very important to learn psychology in this day and age cause you'll never know what will happen.
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Oceane
Constant comparison. My mother always made it clear that my sister was better than me in every way, and with my sister starting to act cold and distant towards me while listening to everything our mother said, I started to resent her.
But now I just feel bad for her. I've learned about what a golden child is. And that's what she is. Sure she's following a more successful path than me, but she must feel so much pressure from my mother, and if she didn't act so cold towards me, I would tell her I'm sorry and that I emphasize with her situation.
I mean I've noticed that she is nicer when my mother's not looking, so talking to her on the phone could work, but then she would probably report everything I said to my mother. Not like it would affect me since I left the house, but still.
And my mother did a lot of other things, like the provocative questions, except it wasn't questions. It was orders. Stop doing this. Do this this way. There was also a few comments on my appearance and a few verbally abusive statements like There must be something wrong in your head because I don't understand why you act like that.
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Constant comparison. My mother always made it clear that my sister was better than me in every way, and with my sister starting to act cold and distant towards me while listening to everything our mother said, I started to resent her.
But now I just feel bad for her. I've learned about what a golden child is. And that's what she is. Sure she's following a more successful path than me, but she must feel so much pressure from my mother, and if she didn't act so cold towards me, I would tell her I'm sorry and that I emphasize with her situation.
I mean I've noticed that she is nicer when my mother's not looking, so talking to her on the phone could work, but then she would probably report everything I said to my mother. Not like it would affect me since I left the house, but still.
And my mother did a lot of other things, like the provocative questions, except it wasn't questions. It was orders. Stop doing this. Do this this way. There was also a few comments on my appearance and a few verbally abusive statements like There must be something wrong in your head because I don't understand why you act like that.
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education
I am almost 40 and have 3 children, my first at 17. My parents certainly said it did a lot of things in this video routinely, the effects this has had on me 25-30 years later are harsh. However, I overcame. a. lot of this by having my own children and NOT repeating behaviors I experienced. The hardest one that still eats at my mind, body and soul to this day is when my Mother told me she wished she aborted me or gave me up for adoption. She told me this when I expressed at 17 that I would be a parent, following this her and my father kicked me out of their home. It was hell to overcome. I managed to struggle through, be what I believe to be an ok parent and now my oldest child is working hard to be better than I believe I ever could have been. My two younger children are on an even better road to greatness I believe as I have grown to be a better parent as I grow older.
Good luck out there. If it doesn't kill you, it gives you experience. Leve up, and keep going. Easy to say, hard to do. and I know, it can be really hard, I still struggle.
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I am almost 40 and have 3 children, my first at 17. My parents certainly said it did a lot of things in this video routinely, the effects this has had on me 25-30 years later are harsh. However, I overcame. a. lot of this by having my own children and NOT repeating behaviors I experienced. The hardest one that still eats at my mind, body and soul to this day is when my Mother told me she wished she aborted me or gave me up for adoption. She told me this when I expressed at 17 that I would be a parent, following this her and my father kicked me out of their home. It was hell to overcome. I managed to struggle through, be what I believe to be an ok parent and now my oldest child is working hard to be better than I believe I ever could have been. My two younger children are on an even better road to greatness I believe as I have grown to be a better parent as I grow older.
Good luck out there. If it doesn't kill you, it gives you experience. Leve up, and keep going. Easy to say, hard to do. and I know, it can be really hard, I still struggle.
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adri
the sad part is having a parent that doesn t say it straight to your face, but says it in a clearly backhanded way. complaining about children asking for basic needs, not calling you ugly but saying that you shouldn t wear that shirt, threatening to run away, prioritizing their emotions over yours, calling you lazy or unproductive, caring more about your education rather than your health, not keeping promises, getting annoyed when you finally decide to open up, victimizing themselves saying i m the worst parent ever, talking highly about other people s children then talking negatively about you, pressuring you to get only high grades in school, and so much more. i feel like these insults being said in a backhanded way just hits differently, and i feel like many kids fail to notice that this is emotional abuse. the thought of saying my parent has emotionally abused me is so hard to accept, because they re my parent and of course i want to love them. but there should be boundaries to what is said to a child, especially at a young age.
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the sad part is having a parent that doesn t say it straight to your face, but says it in a clearly backhanded way. complaining about children asking for basic needs, not calling you ugly but saying that you shouldn t wear that shirt, threatening to run away, prioritizing their emotions over yours, calling you lazy or unproductive, caring more about your education rather than your health, not keeping promises, getting annoyed when you finally decide to open up, victimizing themselves saying i m the worst parent ever, talking highly about other people s children then talking negatively about you, pressuring you to get only high grades in school, and so much more. i feel like these insults being said in a backhanded way just hits differently, and i feel like many kids fail to notice that this is emotional abuse. the thought of saying my parent has emotionally abused me is so hard to accept, because they re my parent and of course i want to love them. but there should be boundaries to what is said to a child, especially at a young age.
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BlackStorm
I had horrible childhood with my parents. My dad left us when i was 5 years old. My twin brother never wanted to spend time with me, but instead he spent time with his new school friends and left me behind. I had no friends at all. I had terrible students as my classmates and i never wanted to be friends with them, cause of how they behaved. Then 2 or 3 years later after we first started to go to the school, my brother said he wished that i never existed. While doing homework and i got something wrong, my mom punched and broke my nose, threw cold water at me every time i got an answer wrong, was hitting my head too a lot of times and much more. After 9 years, nowdays i still don't have any in real life friends. Only a couple friends that i truly trust. Met a girl through a game, chatted a bit, invited me to a Discord server where we talked to eachother privately. After awhile we got together in January 29th 2021 I'm planning to move out of my country for good and live with her.
The End.
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I had horrible childhood with my parents. My dad left us when i was 5 years old. My twin brother never wanted to spend time with me, but instead he spent time with his new school friends and left me behind. I had no friends at all. I had terrible students as my classmates and i never wanted to be friends with them, cause of how they behaved. Then 2 or 3 years later after we first started to go to the school, my brother said he wished that i never existed. While doing homework and i got something wrong, my mom punched and broke my nose, threw cold water at me every time i got an answer wrong, was hitting my head too a lot of times and much more. After 9 years, nowdays i still don't have any in real life friends. Only a couple friends that i truly trust. Met a girl through a game, chatted a bit, invited me to a Discord server where we talked to eachother privately. After awhile we got together in January 29th 2021 I'm planning to move out of my country for good and live with her.
The End.
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cosmos
i personally relate to the first one the most. i love my parents (and family) i do, but i can't deny because of them i also started to hate my body image and even. myself. the amount of times i heard what they said or joked about me and my appearance since i was a kid is. well.
i remember when my mother once asked me why do you always look upset when we're shopping clothes? and i just answered with it bores me. when in truth, i wanted to cry so bad. i HATE my body. i hate it so much bc i know it wouldn't look good with any of those pretty clothes. and i'm not pretty, not skinny enough, not pale enough, not feminine enough for people.
years later, now i'm trying to love myself and appearance. my family still make jokes about my body sometimes, and yeah it still hurts a little. but it's ok, i'm used to it. all i can do right now is not to take those words into my heart anymore, and trying to grow into the best version of myself. not for them, but for me.
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i personally relate to the first one the most. i love my parents (and family) i do, but i can't deny because of them i also started to hate my body image and even. myself. the amount of times i heard what they said or joked about me and my appearance since i was a kid is. well.
i remember when my mother once asked me why do you always look upset when we're shopping clothes? and i just answered with it bores me. when in truth, i wanted to cry so bad. i HATE my body. i hate it so much bc i know it wouldn't look good with any of those pretty clothes. and i'm not pretty, not skinny enough, not pale enough, not feminine enough for people.
years later, now i'm trying to love myself and appearance. my family still make jokes about my body sometimes, and yeah it still hurts a little. but it's ok, i'm used to it. all i can do right now is not to take those words into my heart anymore, and trying to grow into the best version of myself. not for them, but for me.
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Ely_Jame
My mom said something like i've never seen something like this, you're so bad at it and she continues with even your siblings were better than you. to talk about my grades. another time when i told her that i was depressed and didn't feel like doing homeworks or anything because i was tired of everything, she said that i still have to do it and she used the card your father would be proud if you get better at school as he recently passed away, the worst part is that she also have depression so i thought that she might understand me. today when i told her that i might be having social anxiety, she just told me that it would pass and that i would get less timid with time. And then with all of that because it wasn't just those things that happened but i don't want to write a novel, she asks me to say it when something is wrong but i just don't want to anymore.
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My mom said something like i've never seen something like this, you're so bad at it and she continues with even your siblings were better than you. to talk about my grades. another time when i told her that i was depressed and didn't feel like doing homeworks or anything because i was tired of everything, she said that i still have to do it and she used the card your father would be proud if you get better at school as he recently passed away, the worst part is that she also have depression so i thought that she might understand me. today when i told her that i might be having social anxiety, she just told me that it would pass and that i would get less timid with time. And then with all of that because it wasn't just those things that happened but i don't want to write a novel, she asks me to say it when something is wrong but i just don't want to anymore.
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Triggered
I've been compared with other's achievements/lifestyles/wants/goals so much so that they never even tried to tell me even if it was just once that i was good enough, due to which my desire to be heard was to show off my achievements just to be accepted. It's hard as it is already with school/exams/jobs for someone living in a third world country and i try to avoid that behavior to my best, but it takes a lot of my energy to prevent that urge, in any case i just hope to undo all that damage. Children inherit parental behaviors inevitably, but recognizing that and working towards unlearning the negative stuff which they pickup unconsciously/consciously is at least one step in self improvement i guess so in that sense I'm kinda grateful that I'm not ignorant
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I've been compared with other's achievements/lifestyles/wants/goals so much so that they never even tried to tell me even if it was just once that i was good enough, due to which my desire to be heard was to show off my achievements just to be accepted. It's hard as it is already with school/exams/jobs for someone living in a third world country and i try to avoid that behavior to my best, but it takes a lot of my energy to prevent that urge, in any case i just hope to undo all that damage. Children inherit parental behaviors inevitably, but recognizing that and working towards unlearning the negative stuff which they pickup unconsciously/consciously is at least one step in self improvement i guess so in that sense I'm kinda grateful that I'm not ignorant
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Diximixy
I remembered something I forgot for a looong time from what I can remember I was about 3-5 years old but it could be from when I was 6-8 but less likely I was thinking that how much better it would have been if I was never born at all not that my perants ever said anything like this but because they were always fighting I thought if I would have been never born they would just split up and never fight again and if I was never born no one would be sad about it not even me because I would have never existed. dark for such a young child I guess but I don't remember ever been happy for a long time. Sorry for venting here I might delet it later sorry if my english is bad.
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I remembered something I forgot for a looong time from what I can remember I was about 3-5 years old but it could be from when I was 6-8 but less likely I was thinking that how much better it would have been if I was never born at all not that my perants ever said anything like this but because they were always fighting I thought if I would have been never born they would just split up and never fight again and if I was never born no one would be sad about it not even me because I would have never existed. dark for such a young child I guess but I don't remember ever been happy for a long time. Sorry for venting here I might delet it later sorry if my english is bad.
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Uchia18
This one was kinda hard to watch for me, reminded me of all the things my dad has said to me over the years. Always made to feel like im less of a male, like my heritage is dependent on acting a certain way based on his ideas, or that because i lean into my nerdy side its a bad thing. It took me becoming an adult to realize he was in the wrong but still get made to feel that standing up for myself is wrong. Thankfully my mom was a good support system and helped me learn to be myself. But those words still ring in the back of my head from time to time and make my social anxiety worse sometimes.
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This one was kinda hard to watch for me, reminded me of all the things my dad has said to me over the years. Always made to feel like im less of a male, like my heritage is dependent on acting a certain way based on his ideas, or that because i lean into my nerdy side its a bad thing. It took me becoming an adult to realize he was in the wrong but still get made to feel that standing up for myself is wrong. Thankfully my mom was a good support system and helped me learn to be myself. But those words still ring in the back of my head from time to time and make my social anxiety worse sometimes.
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Aphrodite
8/8 (I'm 17 in a 2 weeks)
It feels like sad tbh. I feel like I have never been loved or take care of. I feel like I'm in a cage. I tried to be mentally strong but I cannot. I feel ugly on the outside and I think I will rot myself inside soon too. Will I be ever be loved? Will I be accepted? These are the questions that ring on my head everyday. I've always put my needs and happiness behind Everyone yet they want me to live for their happiness and expectations? Will the suffering ever end? Will I be Happy? Never asked for too much. Is it that hard? Parents? I see no light ahead.
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8/8 (I'm 17 in a 2 weeks)
It feels like sad tbh. I feel like I have never been loved or take care of. I feel like I'm in a cage. I tried to be mentally strong but I cannot. I feel ugly on the outside and I think I will rot myself inside soon too. Will I be ever be loved? Will I be accepted? These are the questions that ring on my head everyday. I've always put my needs and happiness behind Everyone yet they want me to live for their happiness and expectations? Will the suffering ever end? Will I be Happy? Never asked for too much. Is it that hard? Parents? I see no light ahead.
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Jenna
As a parent, I always try to be mindful of how I say things. I don't see how anyone could think it's okay, to call a child ugly I have spoken to my eldest about food habits though. I've never called him fat, but I will set him aside and tell him it's not okay to eat loads of desserts daily etc because it can ingrain unhealthy habits that could cause his future self problems like diabetes. I see too many parents go the other direction on these sorts of issues too by saying nothing at all for fear of hurting a child's feelings, and that can be just as damaging.
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As a parent, I always try to be mindful of how I say things. I don't see how anyone could think it's okay, to call a child ugly I have spoken to my eldest about food habits though. I've never called him fat, but I will set him aside and tell him it's not okay to eat loads of desserts daily etc because it can ingrain unhealthy habits that could cause his future self problems like diabetes. I see too many parents go the other direction on these sorts of issues too by saying nothing at all for fear of hurting a child's feelings, and that can be just as damaging.
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Tree
I remember I was building a bed from ikea(btw this was in 2023 sep 11)about building the bird I just hear stuff like your legs are weak you can t crouch long enough to screw in the screws you don t exercise I was just goofing around while my brother was screwing screws in, my dad just yelled at me for not doing anything and stuff like when I was your age I was a entrepreneur. Like if I m not doing anything tell me about it don t just yell at me, If I don t do it next time maybe just choose to shout or don t. This was a story I just wanted to share
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I remember I was building a bed from ikea(btw this was in 2023 sep 11)about building the bird I just hear stuff like your legs are weak you can t crouch long enough to screw in the screws you don t exercise I was just goofing around while my brother was screwing screws in, my dad just yelled at me for not doing anything and stuff like when I was your age I was a entrepreneur. Like if I m not doing anything tell me about it don t just yell at me, If I don t do it next time maybe just choose to shout or don t. This was a story I just wanted to share
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Tovos
I remember haveing a mental breakdown over a C+ In math. All my other grades were A's. My parent's were screaming at me for it. They said everything in this video. Everytime I got my grades back I would hope that they were all A's. I don't live with them now but. It still lives in the back of my mind. If I didn't do well for my parents then I would get screamed at agian even if I'm an adult.
I've been better about accepting that I'm not perfect but it's that one thing that comes up sometimes.
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I remember haveing a mental breakdown over a C+ In math. All my other grades were A's. My parent's were screaming at me for it. They said everything in this video. Everytime I got my grades back I would hope that they were all A's. I don't live with them now but. It still lives in the back of my mind. If I didn't do well for my parents then I would get screamed at agian even if I'm an adult.
I've been better about accepting that I'm not perfect but it's that one thing that comes up sometimes.
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Mr.
So. my parents in general? I have no love left for my parents really. They've never really said anything but I can tell that they think badly of me based on the way they talk to me and treat me. I keep countless things from them because they'll be mad or they'll kick me out of the house. I've already been threatened to be kicked out at age 14 just because I agreed with my brother instead of my mother on a specific issue. I really don't know what to do.
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So. my parents in general? I have no love left for my parents really. They've never really said anything but I can tell that they think badly of me based on the way they talk to me and treat me. I keep countless things from them because they'll be mad or they'll kick me out of the house. I've already been threatened to be kicked out at age 14 just because I agreed with my brother instead of my mother on a specific issue. I really don't know what to do.
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ur. mother
8/8. I've tried to talk to my parents about all the abuse. They never listen. People, if you're in a toxic and abusive relationship, try to talk to the person/people. Of they don't want to listen, escape this relationship and cut all contacts. If you tried talking, but they don't listen, don't rely on hope because you'll end up hurt. It's better to cut all contacts than to live in toxicity and to be unhappy and unfulfilled your whole life.
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8/8. I've tried to talk to my parents about all the abuse. They never listen. People, if you're in a toxic and abusive relationship, try to talk to the person/people. Of they don't want to listen, escape this relationship and cut all contacts. If you tried talking, but they don't listen, don't rely on hope because you'll end up hurt. It's better to cut all contacts than to live in toxicity and to be unhappy and unfulfilled your whole life.
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TK
I definitely felt a number of these, and felt a number that weren t shown, including
- Critical of the child s interests
- Threats of prospects in life
- Anger with no discussion/reconciliation afterwards
There s a lot that my sister and I discussed recently that shows how abhorrently toxic our upbringing was, but I ve been more than blessed that the people in my life have helped me break out from under all that weight
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I definitely felt a number of these, and felt a number that weren t shown, including
- Critical of the child s interests
- Threats of prospects in life
- Anger with no discussion/reconciliation afterwards
There s a lot that my sister and I discussed recently that shows how abhorrently toxic our upbringing was, but I ve been more than blessed that the people in my life have helped me break out from under all that weight
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mehmet
Now everyone note this; if your parents are checking some or all of these it's not because they have an ill intent behind their actions.
It's because they don't know any better.
They cant communicate healthily, can't relate to your situation or to you.
I know how it feels. I'm dealing with a pair already.
I used to fear from their actions, than started to loath.
But now, I just pity at them.
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Now everyone note this; if your parents are checking some or all of these it's not because they have an ill intent behind their actions.
It's because they don't know any better.
They cant communicate healthily, can't relate to your situation or to you.
I know how it feels. I'm dealing with a pair already.
I used to fear from their actions, than started to loath.
But now, I just pity at them.
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