3 Signs You\'re Not Ready For A Relationship, But Want One
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Date: 2024-01-23
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Comments and reviews: 20
strangeosyndro272
I agree with all of this. There's a caveat here too. Accept that noone (not even yourself) are perfect. You will slip into old habits when triggered, we all do it. Especially if you've been through trauma. The key is to be honest with yourself and your partner about how you feel. This video isn't saying suppress your emotions and that you should be 100% self reliant. This is about learning to acknowledge your individual foibles and triggers and already have a toolbox of mental strategies etc you can use when you have a psychological break. Yes partners can support you but here's the thing noone is anyone's crutch. That's unhealthy. Leaning on each other is fine but that's sharing the weight and responsibility therein. (Just btw I learnt this the hard way again and again so I'm no expert I suck at relationships honestly ) a couple that can slay together equally stays together. If you feel too unstable to accept yourself and learn to carry your baggage, think of it this way, that's like handing your partner all your baggage and expecting them to carry all that plus theirs. Is that fair and would they break their Back If you work out a balance and are honest with yourself you might say, Hey I am sorry I struggle carrying X thing, I'd appreciate the support and then when your partner is struggling with something in their baggage, assist them carrying that and so on. Coupling is a partnership. If you love yourselves and each other you'll want to assist each other. You just have to not expect them to carry your baggage, that's yours but when you're struggling someone you love can take the weight temporarily allowing you to take a moment and carry it again when you're not off balance if that makes sense.
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I agree with all of this. There's a caveat here too. Accept that noone (not even yourself) are perfect. You will slip into old habits when triggered, we all do it. Especially if you've been through trauma. The key is to be honest with yourself and your partner about how you feel. This video isn't saying suppress your emotions and that you should be 100% self reliant. This is about learning to acknowledge your individual foibles and triggers and already have a toolbox of mental strategies etc you can use when you have a psychological break. Yes partners can support you but here's the thing noone is anyone's crutch. That's unhealthy. Leaning on each other is fine but that's sharing the weight and responsibility therein. (Just btw I learnt this the hard way again and again so I'm no expert I suck at relationships honestly ) a couple that can slay together equally stays together. If you feel too unstable to accept yourself and learn to carry your baggage, think of it this way, that's like handing your partner all your baggage and expecting them to carry all that plus theirs. Is that fair and would they break their Back If you work out a balance and are honest with yourself you might say, Hey I am sorry I struggle carrying X thing, I'd appreciate the support and then when your partner is struggling with something in their baggage, assist them carrying that and so on. Coupling is a partnership. If you love yourselves and each other you'll want to assist each other. You just have to not expect them to carry your baggage, that's yours but when you're struggling someone you love can take the weight temporarily allowing you to take a moment and carry it again when you're not off balance if that makes sense.
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RetroManiac64
I always feel conflicted when videos say that you should work on yourself before entering a relationship. Now, I obviously agree that self care and self improvement are good things to do, but when people say you should work on yourself before a relationship, I always wonder what exactly they mean. Is there a point where you can say Well, I've now improved myself enough to be ready for a relationship How exactly would you quantify that
For me, I have issues with self-esteem and feeling lonely in life, as well as anger issues, and aside from the anger issues, I know for a fact that my issues are at least partly due to the fact that I've never had a girlfriend. So, in other words, I genuinely believe that some of my problems would be resolved by having one. I also always hear people say that I'd rather be alone than in a toxic relationship. Now, I agree with that, but for me at least, you know what's also true I'd rather be in a HEALTHY relationship than be alone.
Look, I know that rushing into a relationship is a bad idea, and that you shouldn't solely rely on a partner for happiness, but at the same time, not having a partner or a good friend is exactly why I'm, at least partially, not happy with my life. So to me, the work on yourself advice, while not necessarily bad, just doesn't completely work for me. Of course, while I want a relationship, I will take some time to consider the pros and cons, as well as try and work on myself along the way, and of course, I would still work on myself even while in one.
Sorry for the long comment, I just really wanted to give my take on the work on yourself advice that many people give.
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I always feel conflicted when videos say that you should work on yourself before entering a relationship. Now, I obviously agree that self care and self improvement are good things to do, but when people say you should work on yourself before a relationship, I always wonder what exactly they mean. Is there a point where you can say Well, I've now improved myself enough to be ready for a relationship How exactly would you quantify that
For me, I have issues with self-esteem and feeling lonely in life, as well as anger issues, and aside from the anger issues, I know for a fact that my issues are at least partly due to the fact that I've never had a girlfriend. So, in other words, I genuinely believe that some of my problems would be resolved by having one. I also always hear people say that I'd rather be alone than in a toxic relationship. Now, I agree with that, but for me at least, you know what's also true I'd rather be in a HEALTHY relationship than be alone.
Look, I know that rushing into a relationship is a bad idea, and that you shouldn't solely rely on a partner for happiness, but at the same time, not having a partner or a good friend is exactly why I'm, at least partially, not happy with my life. So to me, the work on yourself advice, while not necessarily bad, just doesn't completely work for me. Of course, while I want a relationship, I will take some time to consider the pros and cons, as well as try and work on myself along the way, and of course, I would still work on myself even while in one.
Sorry for the long comment, I just really wanted to give my take on the work on yourself advice that many people give.
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stefangherman8408
I'm a emotional T-Rex. I still thinking at the girl who I wanted to form a relationship and in which I had all the ingredients to be a healthy one. But it wasn't supposed to be. When I was ready to express my to her and tell how much I love her, she told me she already have a boyfriend and I am still hurted about this. I am jealous on her boyfriend and this jealousy hurted our existing relationship even more, about at this point it feels kinda a cold war between us. My reactions and my feelings to her boyfriend hurted our relationship even more. I putted so much afection and love into her and maybe this explain my reactions. I tried to control my reactions, but my coping mechanism for this sittuation failed to do so.
Now, I don't know what to with my relationship with her, we are still class mates in colledge, but even this have an unknow future, because of the plans of her boyfriend plans. And I don't want to lose her and I want to continue my relationship. And I don't trust her boyfriend either, because he forced her give back to me a gift, which I offered to her from my heart. That I was the point when I was really hurt. And to add salt on this wound, she showed me on my birthday a golden necklace with stars and moons, but my coping mechanism worked I didn't reacted, but I was still hurted.
By the way, she didn't loved me even before her current relationship and she will didn't love me, even she will probably will break up with current one.
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I'm a emotional T-Rex. I still thinking at the girl who I wanted to form a relationship and in which I had all the ingredients to be a healthy one. But it wasn't supposed to be. When I was ready to express my to her and tell how much I love her, she told me she already have a boyfriend and I am still hurted about this. I am jealous on her boyfriend and this jealousy hurted our existing relationship even more, about at this point it feels kinda a cold war between us. My reactions and my feelings to her boyfriend hurted our relationship even more. I putted so much afection and love into her and maybe this explain my reactions. I tried to control my reactions, but my coping mechanism for this sittuation failed to do so.
Now, I don't know what to with my relationship with her, we are still class mates in colledge, but even this have an unknow future, because of the plans of her boyfriend plans. And I don't want to lose her and I want to continue my relationship. And I don't trust her boyfriend either, because he forced her give back to me a gift, which I offered to her from my heart. That I was the point when I was really hurt. And to add salt on this wound, she showed me on my birthday a golden necklace with stars and moons, but my coping mechanism worked I didn't reacted, but I was still hurted.
By the way, she didn't loved me even before her current relationship and she will didn't love me, even she will probably will break up with current one.
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_dipper_0433
How to know if a boy likes you back
There's a boy I really like him. he goes to the same school as me and to the same debate club. We've been texting for like a month but I don't know if he likes me back. We texted a lot, he also replied me with long messages and once he sent me a 7 minutes long voice message talking about some biology stuff. We talked about the meaing of life, God, I once came to him with my problems. And he often texted me first but.
First of all once he sent me a kinda flirty video that mentioned something about his future gf, I wanted to play the game to I also replied flirty but he just answered 'If she will want to', wdym SHE And no, he does not have a gf. My friend said he might have just gotten scared cause I read the message but texted him back 10 minutes later (i was asking my friends what to say)
The other thing is I asked him out (not clearly on a date) and he said thay why not maybe. So I waited until he knows for sure but at some moment he stopped texting me at all and when I asked him to let me know if he's going until someday (gave him a deadline, he didn't. He forgot. So I asked him again and said that I was disappointed that he didn't text me back. He apologiezed said he had an important biology competition and he won't do it again. We're finally going out (not really a date) in a few days but I still don't know if he sees it as just a friends meeting or something more.
What do you guys think
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How to know if a boy likes you back
There's a boy I really like him. he goes to the same school as me and to the same debate club. We've been texting for like a month but I don't know if he likes me back. We texted a lot, he also replied me with long messages and once he sent me a 7 minutes long voice message talking about some biology stuff. We talked about the meaing of life, God, I once came to him with my problems. And he often texted me first but.
First of all once he sent me a kinda flirty video that mentioned something about his future gf, I wanted to play the game to I also replied flirty but he just answered 'If she will want to', wdym SHE And no, he does not have a gf. My friend said he might have just gotten scared cause I read the message but texted him back 10 minutes later (i was asking my friends what to say)
The other thing is I asked him out (not clearly on a date) and he said thay why not maybe. So I waited until he knows for sure but at some moment he stopped texting me at all and when I asked him to let me know if he's going until someday (gave him a deadline, he didn't. He forgot. So I asked him again and said that I was disappointed that he didn't text me back. He apologiezed said he had an important biology competition and he won't do it again. We're finally going out (not really a date) in a few days but I still don't know if he sees it as just a friends meeting or something more.
What do you guys think
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bluefungi
Looking at statistics. I'm better off playing the lottery than playing a game with the odds stacked against me.
Love doesn't exist its a marketing scheme to get you to spend money on someone then have that someone take it all thru a government contract. That's the majority of so called marriage never lasts. Then maybe you'll have kids. Those kids will grow up to hate you for whatever little thing you did in their upbringing that was a mistake. Then that 1 will repeat the process.
The average male in today's world is also invisible to 90% of females too. Leading to the current state of things. But don't AI and the top 10% of males will surely survive whatever wars we make them fight while females make sure to have short and smart males dead and alone by the end of the humanity.
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Looking at statistics. I'm better off playing the lottery than playing a game with the odds stacked against me.
Love doesn't exist its a marketing scheme to get you to spend money on someone then have that someone take it all thru a government contract. That's the majority of so called marriage never lasts. Then maybe you'll have kids. Those kids will grow up to hate you for whatever little thing you did in their upbringing that was a mistake. Then that 1 will repeat the process.
The average male in today's world is also invisible to 90% of females too. Leading to the current state of things. But don't AI and the top 10% of males will surely survive whatever wars we make them fight while females make sure to have short and smart males dead and alone by the end of the humanity.
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sourwitch2340
I think another important aspect of the point Unrealistic Expectations are UNSPOKEN Unrealistic Expectations. It can be bad enough when you just tell someone they should do something they don't want or can't be able to fulfill. It's a whole other beast when you assume they already know that this is expected of them, and get mad when they don't meet them. Instead of explaining what you were hoping for and hearing out their explanation. It can also be helpful to get a second opinion, ideally not from a person raised under your exact same circumstances. Just to ask 'who of us was being unreasonable here, or do we just need to be more clear about what we both want'
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I think another important aspect of the point Unrealistic Expectations are UNSPOKEN Unrealistic Expectations. It can be bad enough when you just tell someone they should do something they don't want or can't be able to fulfill. It's a whole other beast when you assume they already know that this is expected of them, and get mad when they don't meet them. Instead of explaining what you were hoping for and hearing out their explanation. It can also be helpful to get a second opinion, ideally not from a person raised under your exact same circumstances. Just to ask 'who of us was being unreasonable here, or do we just need to be more clear about what we both want'
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mariannacosta4665
I had a relationship for 5 years and Im traumatized by narcissistic behavior because my ex made love-bombing, and he was being too clingy. As a result I felt too pressed and when I asked to break up he told me to make suicide. Moreover I broke up with him and after 2 years, I met someone else and we were dating. He was too enthusiastic, generous, kind but I saw red flags from both sides. For example he was pressing for commitment and in some situations I was thiinking about my ex's behavior. Because of that issue, I asked him to stop talking because I need some time to improve my boundaries and other issues.
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I had a relationship for 5 years and Im traumatized by narcissistic behavior because my ex made love-bombing, and he was being too clingy. As a result I felt too pressed and when I asked to break up he told me to make suicide. Moreover I broke up with him and after 2 years, I met someone else and we were dating. He was too enthusiastic, generous, kind but I saw red flags from both sides. For example he was pressing for commitment and in some situations I was thiinking about my ex's behavior. Because of that issue, I asked him to stop talking because I need some time to improve my boundaries and other issues.
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tharkiwyvern6952
Common girl you are not Psychologist, You are Lovelogist or Relationologist.
Love is Selfish intention which can be described by Instinct.
Humans are Social Animals they cannot live without clinging with others.
When you surrounded with Chaos what will you do, simply close your eyes and imagine something good right and that is how Love is formed to balance thoughts in your heart.
Love's only purpose is to serve you in your cause, When the world keeps hurting you Love heals you.
Love is not real there are many things that are real and they need you.
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Common girl you are not Psychologist, You are Lovelogist or Relationologist.
Love is Selfish intention which can be described by Instinct.
Humans are Social Animals they cannot live without clinging with others.
When you surrounded with Chaos what will you do, simply close your eyes and imagine something good right and that is how Love is formed to balance thoughts in your heart.
Love's only purpose is to serve you in your cause, When the world keeps hurting you Love heals you.
Love is not real there are many things that are real and they need you.
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stealthpsych0
Aren't 1 and 2 contradictory
We need to have realistic expectations and accept our potential partner will have flaws but at the same time we need to make sure we don't have any flaws left before we start.
I'm afraid if i have to wait untill all my issues are resolved i'm either never going to be ready or that by the time i will be ready nobody is going to want me cause my inexperience in love.
It just feels hopeless
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Aren't 1 and 2 contradictory
We need to have realistic expectations and accept our potential partner will have flaws but at the same time we need to make sure we don't have any flaws left before we start.
I'm afraid if i have to wait untill all my issues are resolved i'm either never going to be ready or that by the time i will be ready nobody is going to want me cause my inexperience in love.
It just feels hopeless
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Eddison33
Ha-ha, maybe it's just me, but I find that if I've been totally capable of addressing all of my personal issues, I would not like to have any relationships! The appeal of relationships, in my opinion, is that you combine your efforts while working on each other's and shared problems. It's great to have someone who does or understands something better than you and has your best interest in mind!
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Ha-ha, maybe it's just me, but I find that if I've been totally capable of addressing all of my personal issues, I would not like to have any relationships! The appeal of relationships, in my opinion, is that you combine your efforts while working on each other's and shared problems. It's great to have someone who does or understands something better than you and has your best interest in mind!
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shyper17
Do you think you're ready for a relationship, or do you think you need more time
I don't think when it comes to these things. I just start developing feelings for someone and then see what happens. I just think that waiting to be ready will make you less ready over time, as well as kill your desire. You need expereience for everything, but to get experience you need to do that everything.
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Do you think you're ready for a relationship, or do you think you need more time
I don't think when it comes to these things. I just start developing feelings for someone and then see what happens. I just think that waiting to be ready will make you less ready over time, as well as kill your desire. You need expereience for everything, but to get experience you need to do that everything.
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psych2go
Relationships are not a solution to personal problems. Life is hard and some people may not know how to deal with their personal struggles, relying on a partner instead and thinking all will be solved. But when someone gets into a relationship for the wrong reasons, it makes it difficult for it to succeed. When you're happy being with you, then others will be happier to be with you.
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Relationships are not a solution to personal problems. Life is hard and some people may not know how to deal with their personal struggles, relying on a partner instead and thinking all will be solved. But when someone gets into a relationship for the wrong reasons, it makes it difficult for it to succeed. When you're happy being with you, then others will be happier to be with you.
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psych2go
6 month ago my best friends (who was also my ex) brutally pushed me away and said horrible things to me at this time my other friends still talk about her and I can move on. I’m working on a psychologist and talking about my trust issues I feel like she broke me inside and it’s hard to forget her even though she treated me badly (we were friends for 8 years and 1 year together)
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6 month ago my best friends (who was also my ex) brutally pushed me away and said horrible things to me at this time my other friends still talk about her and I can move on. I’m working on a psychologist and talking about my trust issues I feel like she broke me inside and it’s hard to forget her even though she treated me badly (we were friends for 8 years and 1 year together)
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QuetzalYVerde
Curious to ask folks here:
In some cases, could there not be some benefit to comparing a new partner to an ex Like, considering here's a quality my ex had that I realize I value in a partner or even here's a quality my ex had that I do NOT value in a partner. I would imagine such comparisons like this might in fact be helpful in entering a new relationship.
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Curious to ask folks here:
In some cases, could there not be some benefit to comparing a new partner to an ex Like, considering here's a quality my ex had that I realize I value in a partner or even here's a quality my ex had that I do NOT value in a partner. I would imagine such comparisons like this might in fact be helpful in entering a new relationship.
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coolkid3538
Can you make a video about how to deal with SA and its forms, and what it leaves on the survivor Because actually I am struggling with SA
It's just a hard thing, it might be harder than losing someone, because you know that the person you love will be gone one day, but you don't think assault could happen to you. I've been asking for this for a long time.
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Can you make a video about how to deal with SA and its forms, and what it leaves on the survivor Because actually I am struggling with SA
It's just a hard thing, it might be harder than losing someone, because you know that the person you love will be gone one day, but you don't think assault could happen to you. I've been asking for this for a long time.
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PCCphoenix
I'm tired of waiting to get into a relationship and feel as if I've waited too long already, but ongoing personal issues and extenuating circumstances have continued to prevent me from pursuing one. In my case in particular, it's a no-win. This is one of too many cases where I have had no choice but to accept the unacceptable.
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I'm tired of waiting to get into a relationship and feel as if I've waited too long already, but ongoing personal issues and extenuating circumstances have continued to prevent me from pursuing one. In my case in particular, it's a no-win. This is one of too many cases where I have had no choice but to accept the unacceptable.
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raxosc1475
I lost a person who I liked due to my unaddressed personal issues. She was in love with me but I couldn't get into the relationship because of the same things. I knew I had to find a solution to my issues but I couldn't cause I didn't have the resources and now I feel awful because of it.
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I lost a person who I liked due to my unaddressed personal issues. She was in love with me but I couldn't get into the relationship because of the same things. I knew I had to find a solution to my issues but I couldn't cause I didn't have the resources and now I feel awful because of it.
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shoonbangers5007
#2 is what really sticks to me
I used to think that being in a relationship could solve my problems and get rid of my insecurities. But I found out that the opposite was true, the hard way. I ended up rushing things and things fell apart quickly. If only I knew this beforehand
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#2 is what really sticks to me
I used to think that being in a relationship could solve my problems and get rid of my insecurities. But I found out that the opposite was true, the hard way. I ended up rushing things and things fell apart quickly. If only I knew this beforehand
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psych2go
I wish I had a choice but one day my human picked me up off the street, fed me, provided me everything I could ever need. But the connection isn't there anymore. Now I'm overweight, hooked on catnip, and trying to escape the house every time the front door is open.
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I wish I had a choice but one day my human picked me up off the street, fed me, provided me everything I could ever need. But the connection isn't there anymore. Now I'm overweight, hooked on catnip, and trying to escape the house every time the front door is open.
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TaforSmth
As someone who's first relationship ended horribly and lasted a month: its rough out here, sometimes it feels like you're ready but it's also possible to confuse it for just wanting attention (at least for me personally) it sucks but it gets easier with time.
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As someone who's first relationship ended horribly and lasted a month: its rough out here, sometimes it feels like you're ready but it's also possible to confuse it for just wanting attention (at least for me personally) it sucks but it gets easier with time.
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