Why Do Nice Guys Finish Last?
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
GregXHunterz
There's one bit of thing you've said that I need to point out.
Nice guys expect women to read their non-verbal cues that they use to signal their interest to women and women are not mind readers
This really sticks out to me because in my experience, women I've met don't tell me they're into me or not, they use cues of some type of way to signal interest themselves. Hell, they used non-verbals just to hint 'no' and men are expected to pick up on that. I've seen many videos that say that 90% of human communication or interaction is non-verbal, so I'm curious as to how this tip fits with what you're trying to go for?
I do agree that nice guys need to make their intentions known and be direct with it, and I'm usually like this myself. The question you have to ask yourself is how would they interpret this. Would they think just go up to her and say Hey, I like you or Hey I think you're cute, let's go out. as the first thing that comes out of their mouth, or would they think just find the right time to talk to her and then eventually tell her early on?
Even then, I've been in situations where I'm interested in a girl, and I try talking to her and she gives me one word answers, or sometimes vague answers that when I ask for clarification just to keep the conversation going, the conversation feels stale. Even if you try to keep the conversation going, she just says hey I have to go. she just leaves and you don't even see her again. Yet technically, our nice guy didn't get the chance to directly tell her he's interested in her. If this guy were to take this advice literally, he would try to find the girl and tell her hey I need to say this, I really find out attractive and I'd like to take you out sometime. because it didn't matter how the conversation went. Did you tell her how you feel? No. Then go tell her, it doesn't matter if she responded to you the way she does, if you don't tell her, she'll never know, so go and tell her.
I think if you're gonna make a point like this, please cover all the nuances to the best of your ability, because they may need a clear picture on what to actually do in this situation. If she's responding to a guy in the way I've laid out in the above paragraph, these are multiple non-verbal cues that she doesn't want to talk to him. I think telling him not to tell her about his interest in her in that situation is valid because she's already shown that she's not interested.
Another thing to keep in mind is that non-verbals are used to communicate interest in one another. We have things out there like flirty eye contact, smiling, etc. I don't think we should completely rule this out since this is also another way of signalling interest. I think the first step would be to teach them to be aware of non-verbals that are coming out of people in general, and the context that comes with it. Once they built up an awareness on that, then we can teach them to be direct and actually show them certain scenarios on how to be direct. My $. 02 cents
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There's one bit of thing you've said that I need to point out.
Nice guys expect women to read their non-verbal cues that they use to signal their interest to women and women are not mind readers
This really sticks out to me because in my experience, women I've met don't tell me they're into me or not, they use cues of some type of way to signal interest themselves. Hell, they used non-verbals just to hint 'no' and men are expected to pick up on that. I've seen many videos that say that 90% of human communication or interaction is non-verbal, so I'm curious as to how this tip fits with what you're trying to go for?
I do agree that nice guys need to make their intentions known and be direct with it, and I'm usually like this myself. The question you have to ask yourself is how would they interpret this. Would they think just go up to her and say Hey, I like you or Hey I think you're cute, let's go out. as the first thing that comes out of their mouth, or would they think just find the right time to talk to her and then eventually tell her early on?
Even then, I've been in situations where I'm interested in a girl, and I try talking to her and she gives me one word answers, or sometimes vague answers that when I ask for clarification just to keep the conversation going, the conversation feels stale. Even if you try to keep the conversation going, she just says hey I have to go. she just leaves and you don't even see her again. Yet technically, our nice guy didn't get the chance to directly tell her he's interested in her. If this guy were to take this advice literally, he would try to find the girl and tell her hey I need to say this, I really find out attractive and I'd like to take you out sometime. because it didn't matter how the conversation went. Did you tell her how you feel? No. Then go tell her, it doesn't matter if she responded to you the way she does, if you don't tell her, she'll never know, so go and tell her.
I think if you're gonna make a point like this, please cover all the nuances to the best of your ability, because they may need a clear picture on what to actually do in this situation. If she's responding to a guy in the way I've laid out in the above paragraph, these are multiple non-verbal cues that she doesn't want to talk to him. I think telling him not to tell her about his interest in her in that situation is valid because she's already shown that she's not interested.
Another thing to keep in mind is that non-verbals are used to communicate interest in one another. We have things out there like flirty eye contact, smiling, etc. I don't think we should completely rule this out since this is also another way of signalling interest. I think the first step would be to teach them to be aware of non-verbals that are coming out of people in general, and the context that comes with it. Once they built up an awareness on that, then we can teach them to be direct and actually show them certain scenarios on how to be direct. My $. 02 cents
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Kimono
The problem is that you're finishing! Very good point. I know you're joking, but that's an extremely valid point.
What does Nice guys finish last even mean? Where is the finish line for you? Why don't you have more to accomplish? Why are your dreams/goals so shallow? Why do you absolutely NEED someone to validate your feelings and measure your self worth? These are just some questions that need answering because all in all, those who say nice guys finish last in reference to themselves are simply insecure.
They don't know how to speak to people, they don't know how to improve themselves, and, (worse yet) they don't know how to function independently, possibly causing some sort of mental instability or disability.
Humans are social creatures, yes, but if you're completely depending upon and desperately NEEDING others to feel fulfilled, you aren't truly living. You're simply existing, and it is causing you pain. To keep things brief, anyone who feels this way, (guys or girls) need to learn how to be comfortable in their own bodies. If there is something you just HATE about yourself physically, (love handles, maybe that slight fuzz-stache) do something to change it! Exercise, shave, eat healthy, drink water, wash your face, etc. Simply taking care of yourself will make you feel good, and if you feel good, then you look good. If you learn how to be healthy and take care of yourself and develop healthy habits, people will naturally gravitate toward you as you go about your hobbies, (which are an AMAZING way to find your future spouse, btw.
Just take life one day at a time, and keep moving forward! Always be better than who you were yesterday and remember, it's okay to ask for help! If you need a therapist or psychiatrist, don't be afraid to reach out! These people are here to help you, but they can only do it if you desire to help yourself. Good luck. :)
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The problem is that you're finishing! Very good point. I know you're joking, but that's an extremely valid point.
What does Nice guys finish last even mean? Where is the finish line for you? Why don't you have more to accomplish? Why are your dreams/goals so shallow? Why do you absolutely NEED someone to validate your feelings and measure your self worth? These are just some questions that need answering because all in all, those who say nice guys finish last in reference to themselves are simply insecure.
They don't know how to speak to people, they don't know how to improve themselves, and, (worse yet) they don't know how to function independently, possibly causing some sort of mental instability or disability.
Humans are social creatures, yes, but if you're completely depending upon and desperately NEEDING others to feel fulfilled, you aren't truly living. You're simply existing, and it is causing you pain. To keep things brief, anyone who feels this way, (guys or girls) need to learn how to be comfortable in their own bodies. If there is something you just HATE about yourself physically, (love handles, maybe that slight fuzz-stache) do something to change it! Exercise, shave, eat healthy, drink water, wash your face, etc. Simply taking care of yourself will make you feel good, and if you feel good, then you look good. If you learn how to be healthy and take care of yourself and develop healthy habits, people will naturally gravitate toward you as you go about your hobbies, (which are an AMAZING way to find your future spouse, btw.
Just take life one day at a time, and keep moving forward! Always be better than who you were yesterday and remember, it's okay to ask for help! If you need a therapist or psychiatrist, don't be afraid to reach out! These people are here to help you, but they can only do it if you desire to help yourself. Good luck. :)
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Saidag
I think it's not that the problem of being a nice guy it's what we call them. Being called a nice guy encompasses and overlaps too many things. It's very broad and more than likely, them being nice isn't even the main problem.
A charming person with a great personality that's also a very kind and actually nice man can be called a nice guy.
A muscular male model who is again actually nice can also be called that but a person with no personality, no care for himself and pretends to be nice until he gets rejected is the most likely person we're talking about with the term Nice Guy
If this Nice guy you say isn't so nice and is actually the biggest douchebag ever call him what he is, a Douchebag. And how about that guy who's legit nice but has literally nothing offer than that, call him what he is, a boring person.
I think by just mislabeling nice guys is causing more and more damage. And are actually deterring that charming, funny and really really nice person away by thinking he needs to be not Nice then become the actual douche I said earlier and get rid of that real genuine kindness.
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I think it's not that the problem of being a nice guy it's what we call them. Being called a nice guy encompasses and overlaps too many things. It's very broad and more than likely, them being nice isn't even the main problem.
A charming person with a great personality that's also a very kind and actually nice man can be called a nice guy.
A muscular male model who is again actually nice can also be called that but a person with no personality, no care for himself and pretends to be nice until he gets rejected is the most likely person we're talking about with the term Nice Guy
If this Nice guy you say isn't so nice and is actually the biggest douchebag ever call him what he is, a Douchebag. And how about that guy who's legit nice but has literally nothing offer than that, call him what he is, a boring person.
I think by just mislabeling nice guys is causing more and more damage. And are actually deterring that charming, funny and really really nice person away by thinking he needs to be not Nice then become the actual douche I said earlier and get rid of that real genuine kindness.
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No
The term nice guy is way too muddy and overused.
The r/niceguys type of people can't find a partner, because their motive is not finding someone whom they can develop and overcome difficult situations with, but just to be in any relationship and show off their hot new girlfriend to their friends. They expect a girl to give them everything just because they behave nice around them, and once they are in a relationship they don't put in the effort to solve the problems that will come up.
The problem is that some people call introverts nice guys as well, because of the seemingly antisocial behavior, long silences and varying degrees of inability to make the first move.
Most introverts have a side that they reserve for 1 especially important family member, their 2 friends whom they actually consider friends instead of just mates and of course; that special someone. r/niceguys don't have such a side and are complete assholes to everyone other, than the girl they want, and towards the girl they will be the doormat type of lover pretending everything if fine no matter what.
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The term nice guy is way too muddy and overused.
The r/niceguys type of people can't find a partner, because their motive is not finding someone whom they can develop and overcome difficult situations with, but just to be in any relationship and show off their hot new girlfriend to their friends. They expect a girl to give them everything just because they behave nice around them, and once they are in a relationship they don't put in the effort to solve the problems that will come up.
The problem is that some people call introverts nice guys as well, because of the seemingly antisocial behavior, long silences and varying degrees of inability to make the first move.
Most introverts have a side that they reserve for 1 especially important family member, their 2 friends whom they actually consider friends instead of just mates and of course; that special someone. r/niceguys don't have such a side and are complete assholes to everyone other, than the girl they want, and towards the girl they will be the doormat type of lover pretending everything if fine no matter what.
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Viro
Here is the problem. This is all based upon the concept that you (who is in the friend zone) is somehow doing something wrong, when the actuality the problem is the behavior of females. There is nothing you can fix or avoid to make you more attractive to females because doing so illustrates you are trying to accommodate to bend yourself to their desires rather than being your true self. They will reject that because in all fairness it suggests you would be dishonest, needy, clingy, etc. which are traits they are not generally gravitate towards.
If they wanted a lap/purse dog, they would get one. They do not need you to be one for them. If you cannot be your own man, then how are they going to get to know the real you that they can fall for.
So the reality that what females tend to say in be yourself is actually true. However despite that fact you have to understand and realize that the real you is quite possibly nothing that they would want.
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Here is the problem. This is all based upon the concept that you (who is in the friend zone) is somehow doing something wrong, when the actuality the problem is the behavior of females. There is nothing you can fix or avoid to make you more attractive to females because doing so illustrates you are trying to accommodate to bend yourself to their desires rather than being your true self. They will reject that because in all fairness it suggests you would be dishonest, needy, clingy, etc. which are traits they are not generally gravitate towards.
If they wanted a lap/purse dog, they would get one. They do not need you to be one for them. If you cannot be your own man, then how are they going to get to know the real you that they can fall for.
So the reality that what females tend to say in be yourself is actually true. However despite that fact you have to understand and realize that the real you is quite possibly nothing that they would want.
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ShuTDowN
REAL MAN
by Matt Walsh
Listen, son, dont let the world tell you how to be a man. They dont know anything about the subject. Men are loyal. Men are honest. Men respect and honor women. A man goes out and finds one woman, and he vows to protect and love her fot the rest of his life. A man would never betray that vow. Even the weakest and most cowardly man if he is man at all would die for the woman he loves. Your dad is no hero, but let someone try to hurt your mom and watch him suddenly turn into Superman (or Batman, whichever you prefer.
See, son, you dont have to be big and strong to be a man, although I think you will be one day. You dont have to be cool or athletic. You dont have to play quitar or fix cars. These are all fine things, but they dont define man. A man is defined by how he treats women, by how he keeps his promises, and by how he protects and serves the ones he loves. Thats what makes a man a man.
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REAL MAN
by Matt Walsh
Listen, son, dont let the world tell you how to be a man. They dont know anything about the subject. Men are loyal. Men are honest. Men respect and honor women. A man goes out and finds one woman, and he vows to protect and love her fot the rest of his life. A man would never betray that vow. Even the weakest and most cowardly man if he is man at all would die for the woman he loves. Your dad is no hero, but let someone try to hurt your mom and watch him suddenly turn into Superman (or Batman, whichever you prefer.
See, son, you dont have to be big and strong to be a man, although I think you will be one day. You dont have to be cool or athletic. You dont have to play quitar or fix cars. These are all fine things, but they dont define man. A man is defined by how he treats women, by how he keeps his promises, and by how he protects and serves the ones he loves. Thats what makes a man a man.
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GazeffMHU
Well i havebeen friendzone problema is the friend relationship ends when she finds someone and completely forgets about me -_-/ but i do agree friendzone is actually not a badthing i i think maybe nice guys finish last becouse we actually dont need other people in our life so evenif we want them we actually don try that hard(at least i dont) to get that person in our life if they dont wannabe with us why insist if they dontshow any sign then lets just tell her straightforward we like her and ifwe get accepted good if no well move on unti the next decent person comes only problem is not trying hardenough
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Well i havebeen friendzone problema is the friend relationship ends when she finds someone and completely forgets about me -_-/ but i do agree friendzone is actually not a badthing i i think maybe nice guys finish last becouse we actually dont need other people in our life so evenif we want them we actually don try that hard(at least i dont) to get that person in our life if they dont wannabe with us why insist if they dontshow any sign then lets just tell her straightforward we like her and ifwe get accepted good if no well move on unti the next decent person comes only problem is not trying hardenough
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MultiSamSami
Ok I got friendzoned and it makes me a bit sad, but I'm actually happy to see her as just a friend. She's really a wonderful person and inspires me to be a better person.
But now that she knows how I feel she became distant, when I ask her if she wants to hang out as friends she says she's too busy. and it makes me sad because aren't friends supposed to be there for you?
I mean she does whatever she wants but I'm not in the friendzone. I'm in the oh-no-this-guys-crushing-on-me-better -avoid-zone.
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Ok I got friendzoned and it makes me a bit sad, but I'm actually happy to see her as just a friend. She's really a wonderful person and inspires me to be a better person.
But now that she knows how I feel she became distant, when I ask her if she wants to hang out as friends she says she's too busy. and it makes me sad because aren't friends supposed to be there for you?
I mean she does whatever she wants but I'm not in the friendzone. I'm in the oh-no-this-guys-crushing-on-me-better -avoid-zone.
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xbmeans
Short summary: Nice guys finish last and get the bad boys leftovers aka the ran through women private parts and destroyed personality. Nice guys dont get the girl in their 20s but get it later on when youre fully established and shes looking for resources to destroy. Nice guys, continue doing you and stay single forever.
Im almost in my 30s and learned this shit when I was in was 16 yrs old about women but had my heart broke and mentality broken cause I found out my ex cheated on me with 2 guys.
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Short summary: Nice guys finish last and get the bad boys leftovers aka the ran through women private parts and destroyed personality. Nice guys dont get the girl in their 20s but get it later on when youre fully established and shes looking for resources to destroy. Nice guys, continue doing you and stay single forever.
Im almost in my 30s and learned this shit when I was in was 16 yrs old about women but had my heart broke and mentality broken cause I found out my ex cheated on me with 2 guys.
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Lori
I completely agree. Assertiveness is important. My husband is very much the stereotypical nice guy and his approach to asking me out was Do you want my number? Giving to me, and saying he'll talk to me later. (In a nutshell. There was other chit chat involved) That confidence added a great incentive for me to text him. I knew he was comfortable with himself and it made me feel like his approaching me was decisive and driven by a genuine attraction. He made me confident through his confidence.
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I completely agree. Assertiveness is important. My husband is very much the stereotypical nice guy and his approach to asking me out was Do you want my number? Giving to me, and saying he'll talk to me later. (In a nutshell. There was other chit chat involved) That confidence added a great incentive for me to text him. I knew he was comfortable with himself and it made me feel like his approaching me was decisive and driven by a genuine attraction. He made me confident through his confidence.
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Monaural
While you all are at it, here's my 2 cents for the nice guy population; Stop thinking that dudes with girlfriends & wives have the good life automatically. Talk to some of those winners that have lost every penny they have to divorce judgements. Or what they must surrender if they are responsible for bringing a child into this world. A relationship can be prison bars you don't see. They just don't show it to you outright.
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While you all are at it, here's my 2 cents for the nice guy population; Stop thinking that dudes with girlfriends & wives have the good life automatically. Talk to some of those winners that have lost every penny they have to divorce judgements. Or what they must surrender if they are responsible for bringing a child into this world. A relationship can be prison bars you don't see. They just don't show it to you outright.
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Sudhi
here's several ideas worth trying
Find the reasons why you suffer from shyness - the first step in solving an issue is understanding why you have it.
Be at ease about yourself - this makes it easier when you meet other people.
Challenge youself - you will gain confidence by doing things - especially by doing things which push your limits.
(I learned these and more tips from Sebs shy remedy website )
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here's several ideas worth trying
Find the reasons why you suffer from shyness - the first step in solving an issue is understanding why you have it.
Be at ease about yourself - this makes it easier when you meet other people.
Challenge youself - you will gain confidence by doing things - especially by doing things which push your limits.
(I learned these and more tips from Sebs shy remedy website )
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Lele
Nice guys often do not convey strength. Females, naturally, are attracted to strength, self-confidence, someone who has the ability to get somewhere, someone who can protect them. Just look at nature, it becomes pretty clear even there. Of course I'm not saying our developed society are just animals, but it's the truth coming from biological perspective.
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Nice guys often do not convey strength. Females, naturally, are attracted to strength, self-confidence, someone who has the ability to get somewhere, someone who can protect them. Just look at nature, it becomes pretty clear even there. Of course I'm not saying our developed society are just animals, but it's the truth coming from biological perspective.
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BooDotBoo
I mean, what's so bad about being a friend to a girl, though? Like, if you can't be her friend first and actually get to know her, you probably won't be great at being in a relationship with her. The big thing is TELL them you like them when you've gotten to know her. Don't just wait for her to notice you in that way.
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I mean, what's so bad about being a friend to a girl, though? Like, if you can't be her friend first and actually get to know her, you probably won't be great at being in a relationship with her. The big thing is TELL them you like them when you've gotten to know her. Don't just wait for her to notice you in that way.
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Matthew
1. Know what you want and how to get it
2. Be assertive. You have no excuse to expect anything but success.
3. Take yourself lightly. A huge marker of confidence is the willingness to accept undesired results. Expect good results, but accept what you get.
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1. Know what you want and how to get it
2. Be assertive. You have no excuse to expect anything but success.
3. Take yourself lightly. A huge marker of confidence is the willingness to accept undesired results. Expect good results, but accept what you get.
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Lonie
I really this content, you have interesting advices.
My question is why are we always crushing on the one who makes us suffer the most and always rejecting us but when we are in a situation when we someone like us, we suddenly dont care?
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I really this content, you have interesting advices.
My question is why are we always crushing on the one who makes us suffer the most and always rejecting us but when we are in a situation when we someone like us, we suddenly dont care?
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small
Nice guys aren't nice they're only nice when they want a specific person or towards pretty people. They're not nice they think they are. They expect you to be all over them for saying cringy shit and because they want shit.
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Nice guys aren't nice they're only nice when they want a specific person or towards pretty people. They're not nice they think they are. They expect you to be all over them for saying cringy shit and because they want shit.
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Amelia
i HATE stampycat because of this video, I HATE him, why would he do something like this, there are CHILDREN watching, he should be ASHAMED, this is worst then the little nas x video, stampy is a DEVIL worshipperf
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i HATE stampycat because of this video, I HATE him, why would he do something like this, there are CHILDREN watching, he should be ASHAMED, this is worst then the little nas x video, stampy is a DEVIL worshipperf
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aidan
You only gonna finish last when you chasing hoes, you have to drop your standards and be realistic. And of course you'll still get rejected by less attractive girls, Just not as often as the 10/10 'S out there
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You only gonna finish last when you chasing hoes, you have to drop your standards and be realistic. And of course you'll still get rejected by less attractive girls, Just not as often as the 10/10 'S out there
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Ten
Sometimes guys call themselves nice guys when they really arent. Perfect example is at 3: 06 if youre aggressive and expect me to owe you something youre not a nice guy. Some are nice though dont get me wrong
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Sometimes guys call themselves nice guys when they really arent. Perfect example is at 3: 06 if youre aggressive and expect me to owe you something youre not a nice guy. Some are nice though dont get me wrong
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Miles
if you get friendzoned, who cares?
raises hand I've been here, in the zone, for 15 years. I care because I'm 27, and I don't want to wait another 13-23 years to find somebody worth my time.
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if you get friendzoned, who cares?
raises hand I've been here, in the zone, for 15 years. I care because I'm 27, and I don't want to wait another 13-23 years to find somebody worth my time.
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Acer
You honestly hit the nail on the head in this one, every video always hits it on point. but this one has been more accurate to why nice guys struggle more in the dating realm than most others
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You honestly hit the nail on the head in this one, every video always hits it on point. but this one has been more accurate to why nice guys struggle more in the dating realm than most others
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lollypop04
nice guys don't finish last they just go for the wrong girls, I know because I like a nice guy but he likes other girls and he just thinks of me as a friend
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nice guys don't finish last they just go for the wrong girls, I know because I like a nice guy but he likes other girls and he just thinks of me as a friend
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Kleek
Nice guys are very awkward. You must get in there and go boom. >tip from a Male: ) also I used to be a niceguy but idk maybe puberty got me lmao
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Nice guys are very awkward. You must get in there and go boom. >tip from a Male: ) also I used to be a niceguy but idk maybe puberty got me lmao
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Gina
nice guys, in my experience, have really bad hygiene, they dress badly and. yeah. go get a haircut and your brows done and the we talk
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nice guys, in my experience, have really bad hygiene, they dress badly and. yeah. go get a haircut and your brows done and the we talk
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