5 Signs You're a People Pleaser
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
education
1. Fear of conflict
2. you can't say no
3. desire or obligation
4. hard on yourself
5. you pretend to be ok
Ah yes! Middle school!
I used to be exactly what they described it in the video. I am trying to be better and start focusing on myself but its a work in progress. I cant say no as much and Im starting to think that I'm saying I'm getting better when I'm not. I want to get better but the rules and my beliefs are getting in the way and whenever I do break it I only just get the feeling of guilt after. I want to do stuff for myself but I always end up doing things for others and with this Hero Complex mindset that I have it just makes it a bit worse. In middle school, I would be extremely overreacting, like if I were to say no at all then I would end up crying in my room bc of all the negative thoughts I put in my head. I never said what was happening and it lead me not having someone to lean on. I didn't had any help bc no one knew. I don't really tell other people my problems bc I feel like I'm bothering them when I do. So it lead me when I was actually thinking on wanting to try to get better, it gave me a sort of responsibility to be there for others just like how I wished someone was there for me. I need to stop being a therapist to everyone and need to focus on myself. I dont have any trauma so I should be grateful for that right? My problems are bc I felt like I was privileged and I hated that feeling. I hate being privileged bc I dont deserve it. I didn't work hard for it, I didn't get a miracle, nothing. I know it sounds like im complaining and honestly, I would do anything to give them the privileges I have now. I would do anything to switch places so I dont have to get those complements I dont deserve. I didn't do anything, so why did I get them? Why can't other people get them? I'm ranting a lot im sorry. I hope you have a wonderful day and if you read all that, I'm surprised! may your days be amazing forever!
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1. Fear of conflict
2. you can't say no
3. desire or obligation
4. hard on yourself
5. you pretend to be ok
Ah yes! Middle school!
I used to be exactly what they described it in the video. I am trying to be better and start focusing on myself but its a work in progress. I cant say no as much and Im starting to think that I'm saying I'm getting better when I'm not. I want to get better but the rules and my beliefs are getting in the way and whenever I do break it I only just get the feeling of guilt after. I want to do stuff for myself but I always end up doing things for others and with this Hero Complex mindset that I have it just makes it a bit worse. In middle school, I would be extremely overreacting, like if I were to say no at all then I would end up crying in my room bc of all the negative thoughts I put in my head. I never said what was happening and it lead me not having someone to lean on. I didn't had any help bc no one knew. I don't really tell other people my problems bc I feel like I'm bothering them when I do. So it lead me when I was actually thinking on wanting to try to get better, it gave me a sort of responsibility to be there for others just like how I wished someone was there for me. I need to stop being a therapist to everyone and need to focus on myself. I dont have any trauma so I should be grateful for that right? My problems are bc I felt like I was privileged and I hated that feeling. I hate being privileged bc I dont deserve it. I didn't work hard for it, I didn't get a miracle, nothing. I know it sounds like im complaining and honestly, I would do anything to give them the privileges I have now. I would do anything to switch places so I dont have to get those complements I dont deserve. I didn't do anything, so why did I get them? Why can't other people get them? I'm ranting a lot im sorry. I hope you have a wonderful day and if you read all that, I'm surprised! may your days be amazing forever!
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Catgir
I am a people pleaser. I just can't say no to people and yeah I feel sometimes it takes me away from something I was working on. Example: I work on my small business in art and a friend decides to want to play something with me. Inside I wanna say no, but another part of my brain says Hey you will regret if you don't play the game with your friend, go play and work later.
Also when I cry I can't do it in front of people due to, when I was younger, seeing all the people around me being concerned I just felt uncomfortable doing so. I do show my feelings to my bf or close friends, but rarely to my parents anymore. I just feel my parents go and try and make however I feel seem not important to them unless it is getting a 9-5 job.
Since my parents did that I gravitate to my friends more than my parents. Though my parents aren't bad per se. They just don't understand me and how I feel. I also try pleasing them and being with them when I can.
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I am a people pleaser. I just can't say no to people and yeah I feel sometimes it takes me away from something I was working on. Example: I work on my small business in art and a friend decides to want to play something with me. Inside I wanna say no, but another part of my brain says Hey you will regret if you don't play the game with your friend, go play and work later.
Also when I cry I can't do it in front of people due to, when I was younger, seeing all the people around me being concerned I just felt uncomfortable doing so. I do show my feelings to my bf or close friends, but rarely to my parents anymore. I just feel my parents go and try and make however I feel seem not important to them unless it is getting a 9-5 job.
Since my parents did that I gravitate to my friends more than my parents. Though my parents aren't bad per se. They just don't understand me and how I feel. I also try pleasing them and being with them when I can.
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ITS
I knew someone who was a People Pleaser. My ex friend; lets call her Ni is still like that till this year.
Around junior high I introduced her to. Bee which some of my friends spotted her behavior and obsession of Ni throughout the years.
-She made her cut herself by telling Ni that her boyfriend is breaking up with her without hesitation and instead of him telling it to herself.
(And she ended up cutting herself(Ni)
-She made Ni cut everyone she knows (us, and even her other closest friends) because it was for the best to isolate her and keep her to herself.
She manipulated her and now my friend tries to do Heal and Convince her about everything.
But as disappointing as it is she chose to drown herself into this endless cycle. And chose to stick by her manipulative friend instead of reaching out to her real friends
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I knew someone who was a People Pleaser. My ex friend; lets call her Ni is still like that till this year.
Around junior high I introduced her to. Bee which some of my friends spotted her behavior and obsession of Ni throughout the years.
-She made her cut herself by telling Ni that her boyfriend is breaking up with her without hesitation and instead of him telling it to herself.
(And she ended up cutting herself(Ni)
-She made Ni cut everyone she knows (us, and even her other closest friends) because it was for the best to isolate her and keep her to herself.
She manipulated her and now my friend tries to do Heal and Convince her about everything.
But as disappointing as it is she chose to drown herself into this endless cycle. And chose to stick by her manipulative friend instead of reaching out to her real friends
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NicoleGaming
my sister (the most closest person to me in the entire world) words probably affects me
i've always been nice and always say yes to her like there isn't any other option.
these months i've been saying no and she thinks i'm being disrespectful or some thing
in my life and probably many others, it feels like when someone tells you to do something there is no (do i even want to do this) instead what happens is (what time can i do this) and i thought it was normal and also i never mean your welcome because i feel like no is never a choice. i'm supposed to do it and if i start saying no, my family would be weirded about it and think im starting to be disrespectful.
i also have a filipino family so this is 10x harder because we are SUPER age based sadly.
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my sister (the most closest person to me in the entire world) words probably affects me
i've always been nice and always say yes to her like there isn't any other option.
these months i've been saying no and she thinks i'm being disrespectful or some thing
in my life and probably many others, it feels like when someone tells you to do something there is no (do i even want to do this) instead what happens is (what time can i do this) and i thought it was normal and also i never mean your welcome because i feel like no is never a choice. i'm supposed to do it and if i start saying no, my family would be weirded about it and think im starting to be disrespectful.
i also have a filipino family so this is 10x harder because we are SUPER age based sadly.
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Rayy
Actually, I have a question:
Can someone become a people pleaser, maybe not in that hardcore way where it's bad for your health, so people like them better? Like, I don't wanna be disrespectful to all the people struggling to heal from it, but really I just feel like I'd be more proud and like me better if I acted completely nice to everyone no matter what, all the time, even if I'm not really that nice on the inside and have some bad thoughts that can be offensive sometimes (they're one of the things I don't like about me, and am trying to work on them so I don't become a new version of my mom. I don't let them actually manifest into my actions at least.
Sorry if I sounded offensive in this comment, I just really want to know
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Actually, I have a question:
Can someone become a people pleaser, maybe not in that hardcore way where it's bad for your health, so people like them better? Like, I don't wanna be disrespectful to all the people struggling to heal from it, but really I just feel like I'd be more proud and like me better if I acted completely nice to everyone no matter what, all the time, even if I'm not really that nice on the inside and have some bad thoughts that can be offensive sometimes (they're one of the things I don't like about me, and am trying to work on them so I don't become a new version of my mom. I don't let them actually manifest into my actions at least.
Sorry if I sounded offensive in this comment, I just really want to know
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Sachin
My mom always told me to say Yes to everyone, and to always help others. Growing up, my voice was never heard and respected. My parents and brother always bossed me around. I always had to work to please them. My parents would never give any praise or validation for what I did. This led to me being bullied and taken advantage of. I had a lot of false friends, and developed a lot of mistrust towards others.
As an adult, I'm trying to learn how to say No and to be more aware of my emotions. I'm now more aware of times where I'm feeling drained and need time for myself. I'm trying to be aware of my accomplishments and learning to love myself. Theres definitely a process of healing.
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My mom always told me to say Yes to everyone, and to always help others. Growing up, my voice was never heard and respected. My parents and brother always bossed me around. I always had to work to please them. My parents would never give any praise or validation for what I did. This led to me being bullied and taken advantage of. I had a lot of false friends, and developed a lot of mistrust towards others.
As an adult, I'm trying to learn how to say No and to be more aware of my emotions. I'm now more aware of times where I'm feeling drained and need time for myself. I'm trying to be aware of my accomplishments and learning to love myself. Theres definitely a process of healing.
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Drina
Sometimes being nice gets to the point where others start to take advantage of your kindness and use your good nature against you. Don't say yes so often that others start asking too much of you.
I made that mistake as a child and teenager. Although I was willing to help my schoolmates out, they soon started to take advantage of my good nature and only approach me when they needed something, ranging from wanting to copy my work to wanting me to buy things for them. I accepted every single request they gave me without question, regardless of how unwilling, uncomfortable or frustrated I was, which caused me to resent them and become burned out.
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Sometimes being nice gets to the point where others start to take advantage of your kindness and use your good nature against you. Don't say yes so often that others start asking too much of you.
I made that mistake as a child and teenager. Although I was willing to help my schoolmates out, they soon started to take advantage of my good nature and only approach me when they needed something, ranging from wanting to copy my work to wanting me to buy things for them. I accepted every single request they gave me without question, regardless of how unwilling, uncomfortable or frustrated I was, which caused me to resent them and become burned out.
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Los
Thats so me. Even the childhood story is the same.
Tomorrow Im supposed to give my friend some money - again. I really dont want to, because we already had fights over this that I feel used and now she wants money again from me when we are supposed to see each other after a long time. I know I have to tell her that I am not gonna do that. But its so so so hard. I feel like Im gonna hurt her and i cant. I Always care about other people way more than about myself. And whats worse is that these people dont even give a shit about me. I really have to change this. Thanks for the video! It helped me realize a few things!
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Thats so me. Even the childhood story is the same.
Tomorrow Im supposed to give my friend some money - again. I really dont want to, because we already had fights over this that I feel used and now she wants money again from me when we are supposed to see each other after a long time. I know I have to tell her that I am not gonna do that. But its so so so hard. I feel like Im gonna hurt her and i cant. I Always care about other people way more than about myself. And whats worse is that these people dont even give a shit about me. I really have to change this. Thanks for the video! It helped me realize a few things!
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vincent
I nearly had a panic attack, and when someone asked if I was okay, I looked at them calmly and told them I was fine before going back to my reserved thoughts.
I am a very reserved person to the point it affects my panic attacks. Its nearly impossible for me to tell if Im even having one or not because I simply DONT allow myself to go into one in front of people I dont feel comfortable around, (note that this does not automatically mean family.
Of course some of this may not make sense as I suppose I am pretty young and still learning about my mental healthy, but. still. Somethings there.
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I nearly had a panic attack, and when someone asked if I was okay, I looked at them calmly and told them I was fine before going back to my reserved thoughts.
I am a very reserved person to the point it affects my panic attacks. Its nearly impossible for me to tell if Im even having one or not because I simply DONT allow myself to go into one in front of people I dont feel comfortable around, (note that this does not automatically mean family.
Of course some of this may not make sense as I suppose I am pretty young and still learning about my mental healthy, but. still. Somethings there.
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Jesse
I have been a people pleaser since forever. Last year my teacher showed me a video like this and said that I had several passive tendencies that she could help me move past. At this point I didnt think that being passive was too bad so I just said that it wasnt a problem. She asked me if I would sacrifice myself to save another person and I said absolutely. Yesterday I lost a friend who had been taking advantage of me for the past 6 years and still somehow feel like Im the one in the wrong. Being a people pleaser is now an addiction that I cant get rid of and its killing me from the inside out.
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I have been a people pleaser since forever. Last year my teacher showed me a video like this and said that I had several passive tendencies that she could help me move past. At this point I didnt think that being passive was too bad so I just said that it wasnt a problem. She asked me if I would sacrifice myself to save another person and I said absolutely. Yesterday I lost a friend who had been taking advantage of me for the past 6 years and still somehow feel like Im the one in the wrong. Being a people pleaser is now an addiction that I cant get rid of and its killing me from the inside out.
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dianaarialol
I never got to actually express my own opinion with the drama between my friends. I just tend to agree even though I see that both sides did something wrong, because I didn't want to lose them because of my own opinion. I get anxiety during situations like these and it's as if my friends have their own world whenever I try to tell them what I think about the situation. I tried to defend the other side since I wanted to at least try to understand their reasons, but it ended up with me looking like the bad guy.
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I never got to actually express my own opinion with the drama between my friends. I just tend to agree even though I see that both sides did something wrong, because I didn't want to lose them because of my own opinion. I get anxiety during situations like these and it's as if my friends have their own world whenever I try to tell them what I think about the situation. I tried to defend the other side since I wanted to at least try to understand their reasons, but it ended up with me looking like the bad guy.
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Kikyo
i can never say no because in my home, i was raised to never be allowed to refuse anything. mom wants me to be a personal servant and buy packs of cigarettes everyday when i was 7? cant say no. use me to manipulate dad and other relatives to give her money and everything she wants? i had to or else ill face consequences
i always wanted to feel validated and make people think im living the best life, no idea why thougj
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i can never say no because in my home, i was raised to never be allowed to refuse anything. mom wants me to be a personal servant and buy packs of cigarettes everyday when i was 7? cant say no. use me to manipulate dad and other relatives to give her money and everything she wants? i had to or else ill face consequences
i always wanted to feel validated and make people think im living the best life, no idea why thougj
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Sarah
I feel this so much. Years of bullying when I was young has trained me to try and please everyone and that they're always right. I do things I don't want to do, let people use me, and agree with things I dont believe because I feel an overwhelming guilt when I say no. It's lead to issues with over thinking and seriously low self esteem. I keep trying to change and really just can't seem to figure out how
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I feel this so much. Years of bullying when I was young has trained me to try and please everyone and that they're always right. I do things I don't want to do, let people use me, and agree with things I dont believe because I feel an overwhelming guilt when I say no. It's lead to issues with over thinking and seriously low self esteem. I keep trying to change and really just can't seem to figure out how
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No
Is it bad to not consider other's emotions? Is it necessary mean when you tried to help others unconditionally, you are being people pleaser? Those are the questions that comes to my mind. I hope someone would help me since I tend to exclude myself from the equation when it comes to helping other people.
Anyway, thank you so much Ma'am for this video! Again, this is so helpful and informative!
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Is it bad to not consider other's emotions? Is it necessary mean when you tried to help others unconditionally, you are being people pleaser? Those are the questions that comes to my mind. I hope someone would help me since I tend to exclude myself from the equation when it comes to helping other people.
Anyway, thank you so much Ma'am for this video! Again, this is so helpful and informative!
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Buddys
I'm definitely a people pleaser. I grew up listening to my mom, I'm disabled. I always felt like I can't defend myself. Then I'd date guys, I accepted way too much. Did all the work, gave money I had, even accepted domestic abuse. I wouldn't now. Then my family didn't get it, said why do you let someone beat you up? Which is true, but I guess I felt like I had to.
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I'm definitely a people pleaser. I grew up listening to my mom, I'm disabled. I always felt like I can't defend myself. Then I'd date guys, I accepted way too much. Did all the work, gave money I had, even accepted domestic abuse. I wouldn't now. Then my family didn't get it, said why do you let someone beat you up? Which is true, but I guess I felt like I had to.
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Warren
When parents are overbearing and have high demands for you, it puts you at a higher risk of being a people pleaser. Does this sound like you?
Being with a narcissistic mother who beats on me for missing what she said and failing to follow her directions, it could not be any truer about me. I relate to all five of these signs.
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When parents are overbearing and have high demands for you, it puts you at a higher risk of being a people pleaser. Does this sound like you?
Being with a narcissistic mother who beats on me for missing what she said and failing to follow her directions, it could not be any truer about me. I relate to all five of these signs.
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Srividhya
My parents are really nice honestly. I think it all started from my 4th class when I was a outcast.
I am so scared of what people think about me. I need compliments from others to feel good about myself. I apologize even if I didn't do anything wrong.
I really don't wanna be like this but I just can't help it.
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My parents are really nice honestly. I think it all started from my 4th class when I was a outcast.
I am so scared of what people think about me. I need compliments from others to feel good about myself. I apologize even if I didn't do anything wrong.
I really don't wanna be like this but I just can't help it.
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Chillwave6
I'm somewhat into the concept of zodiac signs and as I'm a Libra, I have half of these things and dad does tend to say I indeed am a people-pleaser, explaining why I am rarely conflicting against others or showing to be frustrated or feeling anything negative, while also being expressive at most positive things.
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I'm somewhat into the concept of zodiac signs and as I'm a Libra, I have half of these things and dad does tend to say I indeed am a people-pleaser, explaining why I am rarely conflicting against others or showing to be frustrated or feeling anything negative, while also being expressive at most positive things.
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Dipmala
I'm not a people pleaser.
I stand by what I believe, and I feel no shame or sorry for saying No because it discomforts me.
Even I encourage my mom to learn to say No. Maybe it sounds rude but hey, you just can't agree with what is wrong?
People usually called me a cold-hearted person but I know, I'm not.
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I'm not a people pleaser.
I stand by what I believe, and I feel no shame or sorry for saying No because it discomforts me.
Even I encourage my mom to learn to say No. Maybe it sounds rude but hey, you just can't agree with what is wrong?
People usually called me a cold-hearted person but I know, I'm not.
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HahA
Mine started as thinking that.
If my friends cant be loyal to me, then Ill be loyal to them
Maybe theyll stay more, maybe Ill even be counted as a good friend
And I should make them happy. Making them happy makes me happy too.
I was really happy when two of my friends said I was a great friend.
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Mine started as thinking that.
If my friends cant be loyal to me, then Ill be loyal to them
Maybe theyll stay more, maybe Ill even be counted as a good friend
And I should make them happy. Making them happy makes me happy too.
I was really happy when two of my friends said I was a great friend.
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education
i already knew i was a people pleaser but for such a long time i've been trying to not be and it's been extremely hard for me which is probably why i'm now doing harmful coping mechanisms like bottling emotions and pushing others away. god life is just great isn't it
edit: spelling
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i already knew i was a people pleaser but for such a long time i've been trying to not be and it's been extremely hard for me which is probably why i'm now doing harmful coping mechanisms like bottling emotions and pushing others away. god life is just great isn't it
edit: spelling
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loonatheuniverse
I have a healthy and caring family and i don't actually pretend to be fine when i'm but i'm a people pleaser i've actually done lots of stubborn sht but idk it feels good when u help someone or make them feel good/cheer them up. it's just satisfying to the core idk why
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I have a healthy and caring family and i don't actually pretend to be fine when i'm but i'm a people pleaser i've actually done lots of stubborn sht but idk it feels good when u help someone or make them feel good/cheer them up. it's just satisfying to the core idk why
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bagpakpark
If you are a people pleaser then just reverse the situation. say it was your mom, dad, brother, sister, husband, wife, boo. they give lots of their time and money, agree with things they don't like. do you wish that they continue doing the same?
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If you are a people pleaser then just reverse the situation. say it was your mom, dad, brother, sister, husband, wife, boo. they give lots of their time and money, agree with things they don't like. do you wish that they continue doing the same?
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Rayy
Me, who's litterally trying to train myself to become a people pleaser, so I stop feeling like I'm being a bad person/friend, since I used to act in a narcissistic way (exactly like my mom, actually, and I don't like that: Thanks for explaining hihi
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Me, who's litterally trying to train myself to become a people pleaser, so I stop feeling like I'm being a bad person/friend, since I used to act in a narcissistic way (exactly like my mom, actually, and I don't like that: Thanks for explaining hihi
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Jamie
_please click on a specific time below to go to that part of the video_
0: 37 1 Fear of conflict
1: 24 2 Can't say no
1: 55 3 Desire or Onligation (resentful helping people)
2: 21 4 - Hard on yourself
2: 58 5 You pretend to be ok
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_please click on a specific time below to go to that part of the video_
0: 37 1 Fear of conflict
1: 24 2 Can't say no
1: 55 3 Desire or Onligation (resentful helping people)
2: 21 4 - Hard on yourself
2: 58 5 You pretend to be ok
reply
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