How to Work With Your Partner's Love Style
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
Sloane
I feel I am a mix between Vacillator and Victim, while my lover is a mix between a pleaser and an avoidant. He wants to please everyone all the time, forgetting about himself but when you do ask him to open up or just show himself vulnerable. he is avoiding it at all cost. This is strange, he spent his whole life avoiding conflict at all cost, but when it comes to showing his true self (vulnerability or just opening up) then he chooses the conflict. Then after avoiding all his life conflict and avoiding showing himself to his family and friends (in a way that it is like he never let his mask down even with his friends and family, he feels sad to not feel like he can be himself and build a bigger wall to protect himself. So hard to love in these conditions and to feel hurt, feel avoided and distanced, and not understood (especially as a vacillator myself) but at least watching this video makes it a bit more reassuring as again it is all because of fear and defense mechanism. I hope we will make it better: )
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I feel I am a mix between Vacillator and Victim, while my lover is a mix between a pleaser and an avoidant. He wants to please everyone all the time, forgetting about himself but when you do ask him to open up or just show himself vulnerable. he is avoiding it at all cost. This is strange, he spent his whole life avoiding conflict at all cost, but when it comes to showing his true self (vulnerability or just opening up) then he chooses the conflict. Then after avoiding all his life conflict and avoiding showing himself to his family and friends (in a way that it is like he never let his mask down even with his friends and family, he feels sad to not feel like he can be himself and build a bigger wall to protect himself. So hard to love in these conditions and to feel hurt, feel avoided and distanced, and not understood (especially as a vacillator myself) but at least watching this video makes it a bit more reassuring as again it is all because of fear and defense mechanism. I hope we will make it better: )
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James
I am likely prone to a vacillator pattern. I fell head over heels for an avoider. Had a horrible breakup with a victim that truly broke my heart when I met her.
The gifts of respecting an avoider is that Ive had to learn how to do the work on my own, which is the blind spot for this type of drama. It takes complete centering skills to not fall into a perpetual state of anxiety, especially with an avoider.
It may be that if the avoider did get close and trust me that I would vacillate into their role and doubt my own conviction and sincerity. Its too much to risk for anyone to trust that Ill be around if you were to turn around any really need me in return. Id probably feel suffocated, much in the way the avoider is expressing themselves.
Im a negotiator by default when a relationship needs managing. And an explorer by nature when Im truly trusting the ground I am on is a foundation of faith and love
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I am likely prone to a vacillator pattern. I fell head over heels for an avoider. Had a horrible breakup with a victim that truly broke my heart when I met her.
The gifts of respecting an avoider is that Ive had to learn how to do the work on my own, which is the blind spot for this type of drama. It takes complete centering skills to not fall into a perpetual state of anxiety, especially with an avoider.
It may be that if the avoider did get close and trust me that I would vacillate into their role and doubt my own conviction and sincerity. Its too much to risk for anyone to trust that Ill be around if you were to turn around any really need me in return. Id probably feel suffocated, much in the way the avoider is expressing themselves.
Im a negotiator by default when a relationship needs managing. And an explorer by nature when Im truly trusting the ground I am on is a foundation of faith and love
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GachaLeaf
I am the victim type.
I'm able to set those things aside when it comes to my lover. I don't give him the answer, nor do I promise things not possible for me to know. But I let him know he can trust me and that I don't mind his flaws. I thank him for trusting me and I sometimes just do nice things for him even if he didn't ask for it.
In return, he keeps around me and let's me talk. He doesn't mind me repeating things over and over again and gives me the time I asked for, since I'm not ready for another relationship. I slip sometimes into that hole in which I'm begging for someone to hurt me, but he just waits there calmly, making sure that doesn't happen. He's protective, but I think that's because I don't have my own best intentions in mind, so he does for me.
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I am the victim type.
I'm able to set those things aside when it comes to my lover. I don't give him the answer, nor do I promise things not possible for me to know. But I let him know he can trust me and that I don't mind his flaws. I thank him for trusting me and I sometimes just do nice things for him even if he didn't ask for it.
In return, he keeps around me and let's me talk. He doesn't mind me repeating things over and over again and gives me the time I asked for, since I'm not ready for another relationship. I slip sometimes into that hole in which I'm begging for someone to hurt me, but he just waits there calmly, making sure that doesn't happen. He's protective, but I think that's because I don't have my own best intentions in mind, so he does for me.
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Shaelyn
My boyfriend is a full on vasillator and I swing between avoider and pleaser. I've been a people pleaser my whole life with avoidant tendencies when things get too stressful or I become drained. The avoidant side of me has come out a lot since my last two relationships were painful and manipulative. I just want to hide and I become extremely overwhelmed with my boyfriend because he definitely wants his needs fulfilled mostly through our relationship. There's a lot more things at play than just our love styles, but these do bring a lot of understanding for me: ) Hopefully I am able to become aware of what helps me feel safe in a relationship and what can help him feel safe in a relationship
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My boyfriend is a full on vasillator and I swing between avoider and pleaser. I've been a people pleaser my whole life with avoidant tendencies when things get too stressful or I become drained. The avoidant side of me has come out a lot since my last two relationships were painful and manipulative. I just want to hide and I become extremely overwhelmed with my boyfriend because he definitely wants his needs fulfilled mostly through our relationship. There's a lot more things at play than just our love styles, but these do bring a lot of understanding for me: ) Hopefully I am able to become aware of what helps me feel safe in a relationship and what can help him feel safe in a relationship
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SAME
Mam in my realtionship I'm very honest loyal and childlike I know how to treat other the person I love cheated because of some issue, l not said anything but run away from there hold my self and made me strong to stand, now he is coming to me, doing actions not only words but still I can't able to trust him I love him sooomuch but I feel stuck not able to take action I'm avoiding him I'm running from him because he was with someone else It hurted me so badly he come to me and i refuse to look at him what can I do for my self and for my realtionship despirate to know
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Mam in my realtionship I'm very honest loyal and childlike I know how to treat other the person I love cheated because of some issue, l not said anything but run away from there hold my self and made me strong to stand, now he is coming to me, doing actions not only words but still I can't able to trust him I love him sooomuch but I feel stuck not able to take action I'm avoiding him I'm running from him because he was with someone else It hurted me so badly he come to me and i refuse to look at him what can I do for my self and for my realtionship despirate to know
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Clayton
I'm the one where your parents were not around as much so I've always had issues in relationships I always think they are too good for me they don't like me and that they hang out with others to much I would say for advice to find a partner who always showers you I cuddles idk if it's just me but it makes me feel like I'm not alone and theirs someone their hopefully this helped and try not to over think it in relationships.
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I'm the one where your parents were not around as much so I've always had issues in relationships I always think they are too good for me they don't like me and that they hang out with others to much I would say for advice to find a partner who always showers you I cuddles idk if it's just me but it makes me feel like I'm not alone and theirs someone their hopefully this helped and try not to over think it in relationships.
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Amy
I've always known my boyfriend to be the non-confrontational type, and he definitely shuts down the more I speak with my emotions. I, on the other hand, tend to be in the first category; quick to please and wanting to keep the peace (though, I'd say this doesn't get triggered as often as it used to. This video will definitely be saved as a much needed reminder!
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I've always known my boyfriend to be the non-confrontational type, and he definitely shuts down the more I speak with my emotions. I, on the other hand, tend to be in the first category; quick to please and wanting to keep the peace (though, I'd say this doesn't get triggered as often as it used to. This video will definitely be saved as a much needed reminder!
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Darangon
Okay so I have a question. I know a girl and she always tries to cheer me up and help me. Also she does show weakness around me but mostly tries to be the positive happy one. Not to forget that she always wants to gift me things. However I don't know if she's just a people pleaser or if she loves me. Is anyone able to give me an answer?
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Okay so I have a question. I know a girl and she always tries to cheer me up and help me. Also she does show weakness around me but mostly tries to be the positive happy one. Not to forget that she always wants to gift me things. However I don't know if she's just a people pleaser or if she loves me. Is anyone able to give me an answer?
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Liana
When you're the controller and your partner the pleaser.
It's really hard because I know that, and I don't know if he does know that.
And I mostly feel like he needs me to be in control, I mostly try to give him some control.
It's even harder because of the gender vs style is organized.
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When you're the controller and your partner the pleaser.
It's really hard because I know that, and I don't know if he does know that.
And I mostly feel like he needs me to be in control, I mostly try to give him some control.
It's even harder because of the gender vs style is organized.
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Alexia16
I'm a pleaser and a vacilator
He's an avoider and a vacilator
We've both been working on things
He's slowly helped me have more self confidence and self worth to and I've gotten him to be more open and relaxed and secure
I think things are going pretty well: ')
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I'm a pleaser and a vacilator
He's an avoider and a vacilator
We've both been working on things
He's slowly helped me have more self confidence and self worth to and I've gotten him to be more open and relaxed and secure
I think things are going pretty well: ')
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hashtag
My gf is an avoider and im a victim. Vid was on point with what i experience with her. Just Let them cool off. Dont ever apologize out of fear of losing them or to avoid further conflict if you dont believe you are wrong. 5years, trust me.
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My gf is an avoider and im a victim. Vid was on point with what i experience with her. Just Let them cool off. Dont ever apologize out of fear of losing them or to avoid further conflict if you dont believe you are wrong. 5years, trust me.
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haruno21
I'm an avoider and My partner may be a pleaser. For example, sometimes he is mad at something and he doesnt show it. Precisely to be agreeable and avoid conflict. He shouldn't do that. I prefer honesty. And things directly to my face
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I'm an avoider and My partner may be a pleaser. For example, sometimes he is mad at something and he doesnt show it. Precisely to be agreeable and avoid conflict. He shouldn't do that. I prefer honesty. And things directly to my face
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sujinnie
I grew up well so I really dont know which is my love style. I relate to the majority of them, but I have great parents so I really dont know in which category I fit in. I guess that in a way its good? Does it mean I am healthy?
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I grew up well so I really dont know which is my love style. I relate to the majority of them, but I have great parents so I really dont know in which category I fit in. I guess that in a way its good? Does it mean I am healthy?
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Janet
I am a mix of a pleaser and a vacillator. That's what happens when personal traits and habits meet with being raised by two parents and a grandparent that have different parenting mentalities. You get more complex baggage.
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I am a mix of a pleaser and a vacillator. That's what happens when personal traits and habits meet with being raised by two parents and a grandparent that have different parenting mentalities. You get more complex baggage.
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Sheva
Vacillator/avoider right here still struggling despite having a pretty good grasp on why I am like I am. Not sure how someone else could ever want me like this but hopeful one day I will find someone who does.
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Vacillator/avoider right here still struggling despite having a pretty good grasp on why I am like I am. Not sure how someone else could ever want me like this but hopeful one day I will find someone who does.
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Kim
My father was a very good guy. He loved me very much but I never Imagined that he would left me And my whole family so Early. I'm Lucky enough that he was my dad
Edit: Please everyone pray for my Father
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My father was a very good guy. He loved me very much but I never Imagined that he would left me And my whole family so Early. I'm Lucky enough that he was my dad
Edit: Please everyone pray for my Father
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Soup
Im a victim, my boyfriend is a controller. I came to this video looking for help, but I already do these things for him. Things arent really getting better. Sometimes I wonder if hes just a narcissist.
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Im a victim, my boyfriend is a controller. I came to this video looking for help, but I already do these things for him. Things arent really getting better. Sometimes I wonder if hes just a narcissist.
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AscendDarkness
Some avoiders just don't want to solve issues with communication. They say they will but take no action to meet in the middle to actually do it. Way too draining to do all the emotional labor
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Some avoiders just don't want to solve issues with communication. They say they will but take no action to meet in the middle to actually do it. Way too draining to do all the emotional labor
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Ajax
Pleaser and controller. Pleaser gets controlled by controller and pleaser avoids conflict while controller gets what they want because pleaser cant stand up for himself and avoids conflict altogether.
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Pleaser and controller. Pleaser gets controlled by controller and pleaser avoids conflict while controller gets what they want because pleaser cant stand up for himself and avoids conflict altogether.
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MissYoonyul
50% pleaser and 50% avoider here, I must say you can end up being an avoider ALSO because of overprotectives parents.
You crave freedom because overprotective parents didn't gave you any
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50% pleaser and 50% avoider here, I must say you can end up being an avoider ALSO because of overprotectives parents.
You crave freedom because overprotective parents didn't gave you any
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Fire. Nebula
I'm a vacillator and a pleaser but my friend is a avoider but I have depressive disorder so I have mood swings, I'm very emotional, and protective. I gotta work on that
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I'm a vacillator and a pleaser but my friend is a avoider but I have depressive disorder so I have mood swings, I'm very emotional, and protective. I gotta work on that
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Marco
Damn, mine was a controller, and as an empath, at the end I had some hard times. But I have learned a lot since that relationship. Thanks a lot for your helpful contents!
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Damn, mine was a controller, and as an empath, at the end I had some hard times. But I have learned a lot since that relationship. Thanks a lot for your helpful contents!
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thedeltaknight
Weirdly, I haven't seen much comments saying they're the victims. I used to think that everyone is like that, and that's how a relationship works. Strange.
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Weirdly, I haven't seen much comments saying they're the victims. I used to think that everyone is like that, and that's how a relationship works. Strange.
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Erik
Im an avoider and my gf is a controller and its just so difficult to be able to deal with her anger outlets and then I find myself giving up on the conversation
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Im an avoider and my gf is a controller and its just so difficult to be able to deal with her anger outlets and then I find myself giving up on the conversation
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Ahrpigi
It's tough matching three of these types and not asking your partner to work too hard to help you. They're your lover not your psychologist after all.
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It's tough matching three of these types and not asking your partner to work too hard to help you. They're your lover not your psychologist after all.
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