How A Messed Up Childhood Affects You In Adulthood
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
Dogsandcatsrule
I know and understand how and why these childhood traumas can lead to such parenting cycles, I respectively have to say that I personally disagree. Plus as a child who has alot of traumatic memories/experiences (meaning most and more of the childhood struggles shown in this video, when you finally escape the situations it's really insensitive and disrespectful for someone to say that you'll turn into your abuser or date someone who abuses you. Whenever people say things like this a part of me metaphorically criples. Its like someone saying that since you were hurt alot before there is no escape from it. As a child who has been abused and bullies (physically and emotionally) I personally show more kindness/compassion/selflessness which leads to me putting others first no matter how I feel. Because I don't want anyone to go through what I've had to, I want them to be safe and happy not petrified for their life every darn second. Though due to that I never really think of myself and the others around me have to make sure that I'm taking care of my own needs and necessities which makes me more of a burden, so no matter what I do I'm just a bunch of worthless trash. So please, please understand and realize how saying that really hurts us.
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I know and understand how and why these childhood traumas can lead to such parenting cycles, I respectively have to say that I personally disagree. Plus as a child who has alot of traumatic memories/experiences (meaning most and more of the childhood struggles shown in this video, when you finally escape the situations it's really insensitive and disrespectful for someone to say that you'll turn into your abuser or date someone who abuses you. Whenever people say things like this a part of me metaphorically criples. Its like someone saying that since you were hurt alot before there is no escape from it. As a child who has been abused and bullies (physically and emotionally) I personally show more kindness/compassion/selflessness which leads to me putting others first no matter how I feel. Because I don't want anyone to go through what I've had to, I want them to be safe and happy not petrified for their life every darn second. Though due to that I never really think of myself and the others around me have to make sure that I'm taking care of my own needs and necessities which makes me more of a burden, so no matter what I do I'm just a bunch of worthless trash. So please, please understand and realize how saying that really hurts us.
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Xalto
I am watching this not because I plan to have kids (I already know I'd be a horrible parent. But I beat up my younger brother a lot from ages 2-4 (I was 12-14. I would try to restrain myself but I was always tempted to torture him and sometimes I would lose control. I think it's because I always feel threatened around my parents and other adults so I needed to get back at the world somehow. Sure enough, he is 8 now, his school gave an online presentation on believing in yourself. I overheard my mom talking to my dad about this while I wasn't in the room, she said that my little brother confessed he still doesn't believe in himself. She didn't seem particularly alarmed, and my dad responded with an aww, not in a sad or disappointed way, in the endearing way, like he was reacting to a cute pet video. But I think I broke his heart. and mine too, because I still cry about it now, even though it has been weeks. My little brother has always thrown temper tantrums a lot and really dislikes his parents, when he is mad he will tell them he hates his family and tries to hurt his parents. I think we will both be haunted by persistent depression. genetics and situation are very similar. :(
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I am watching this not because I plan to have kids (I already know I'd be a horrible parent. But I beat up my younger brother a lot from ages 2-4 (I was 12-14. I would try to restrain myself but I was always tempted to torture him and sometimes I would lose control. I think it's because I always feel threatened around my parents and other adults so I needed to get back at the world somehow. Sure enough, he is 8 now, his school gave an online presentation on believing in yourself. I overheard my mom talking to my dad about this while I wasn't in the room, she said that my little brother confessed he still doesn't believe in himself. She didn't seem particularly alarmed, and my dad responded with an aww, not in a sad or disappointed way, in the endearing way, like he was reacting to a cute pet video. But I think I broke his heart. and mine too, because I still cry about it now, even though it has been weeks. My little brother has always thrown temper tantrums a lot and really dislikes his parents, when he is mad he will tell them he hates his family and tries to hurt his parents. I think we will both be haunted by persistent depression. genetics and situation are very similar. :(
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KawaMizu
You don't have to do everything your parents did. My childhood was horrible, I have a daughter now and I work really hard to give her all of that what I didn't had. And things that I liked from my childhood, I try to give her that too. My parents never went out with me to go somewhere, but with my daughter, we go nearly every day somewhere. Also I am much more softer to her, I don't scream at her, I explain it to her in a soft voice. Of course I'm angry sometimes, but that happens very rarely actually. So if she is crying, I definately don't try to make it worse and try to reseanable with her, even if she is not even 3, and it works. I often felt neglected when I was a child, so I really work hard for my daughters childhood
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You don't have to do everything your parents did. My childhood was horrible, I have a daughter now and I work really hard to give her all of that what I didn't had. And things that I liked from my childhood, I try to give her that too. My parents never went out with me to go somewhere, but with my daughter, we go nearly every day somewhere. Also I am much more softer to her, I don't scream at her, I explain it to her in a soft voice. Of course I'm angry sometimes, but that happens very rarely actually. So if she is crying, I definately don't try to make it worse and try to reseanable with her, even if she is not even 3, and it works. I often felt neglected when I was a child, so I really work hard for my daughters childhood
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sweetiemin
This is really helpful. I was raised by my mom (who I can see as possibly a narcissist/narcissism but I already moved on from the pain) and she makes me feel that we should fight in a pointless argument and make me feel that mistakes is the worse thing that could happen. It affects how I treated people before when I was in high school. Like pointing on small things that is not so important. But somehow thanks for the universe that I already have self awareness.
Self awareness is powerful and it makes you bloom into a good person as you wish to be and to be the right people for the people who also loves you.
But I feel that somehow I need to educate myself to be a good parent in the future. Hopefully.
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This is really helpful. I was raised by my mom (who I can see as possibly a narcissist/narcissism but I already moved on from the pain) and she makes me feel that we should fight in a pointless argument and make me feel that mistakes is the worse thing that could happen. It affects how I treated people before when I was in high school. Like pointing on small things that is not so important. But somehow thanks for the universe that I already have self awareness.
Self awareness is powerful and it makes you bloom into a good person as you wish to be and to be the right people for the people who also loves you.
But I feel that somehow I need to educate myself to be a good parent in the future. Hopefully.
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feidaoxi-healing
Let us think and, most importantly, feel that there is no recipe for parenting. No matter how good/bad (there is no such terminology anyway) we were treated, no matter how good/bad we treat our children, this will ALWAYS be the human mechanism of existence: as young humans to acquire behavioral patterns and traumas that will affect our path in life. No one can escape the path, no one can pretend they have skipped it! So, let's take it easy and just try to do the work of abandoning the ego-self, and there will we be, more ready to be parents! Love to everybody!
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Let us think and, most importantly, feel that there is no recipe for parenting. No matter how good/bad (there is no such terminology anyway) we were treated, no matter how good/bad we treat our children, this will ALWAYS be the human mechanism of existence: as young humans to acquire behavioral patterns and traumas that will affect our path in life. No one can escape the path, no one can pretend they have skipped it! So, let's take it easy and just try to do the work of abandoning the ego-self, and there will we be, more ready to be parents! Love to everybody!
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thelstan
A lot of this resonates. I won't go into details but growing up you think it's just normal, it's only when you meet people at work etc that you find out how wrong everything was. I was scared to have a child thinking I would perpetuate what happened to me but thankfully I didn't. My daughter is the most special person in my life and love her to bits. She's probably the only person I truly love & trust. Thinking back it was probably the way my parents were brought up and they just did the same with all of us (four kids) We all grew up wrong in some way or other.
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A lot of this resonates. I won't go into details but growing up you think it's just normal, it's only when you meet people at work etc that you find out how wrong everything was. I was scared to have a child thinking I would perpetuate what happened to me but thankfully I didn't. My daughter is the most special person in my life and love her to bits. She's probably the only person I truly love & trust. Thinking back it was probably the way my parents were brought up and they just did the same with all of us (four kids) We all grew up wrong in some way or other.
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inac
tw // child abuse, physical abuse
my grandma beat her children for years. until my dad understood that when he stops reacting (screaming, crying, anything) then she stops too. he was around 7 and 50 years after he still haven't reacted, he never expresses his feelings, no one never knows how he deeply feel, he never ever talks about himself taking it as a joke when we ask him. he found how to stop being abused as a child, but we grew up without feelings? i'm so sad, i hope that one day maybe, he will feel the need to talk with a therapist.
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tw // child abuse, physical abuse
my grandma beat her children for years. until my dad understood that when he stops reacting (screaming, crying, anything) then she stops too. he was around 7 and 50 years after he still haven't reacted, he never expresses his feelings, no one never knows how he deeply feel, he never ever talks about himself taking it as a joke when we ask him. he found how to stop being abused as a child, but we grew up without feelings? i'm so sad, i hope that one day maybe, he will feel the need to talk with a therapist.
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Ghost
My friend has had a nasty childhood, but she's been able to recognize what her parents did wrong so she'll improve, it's kinda the same with me (and is more or less why we have such a good friendship. We both fear for her sister tho, who my friend says is starting to remind her of their parents. We're both going to low key be observant if she gets children of her own, since neither of us are experts in psychology and don't know what else to do. Just don't want the cycle to repeat.
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My friend has had a nasty childhood, but she's been able to recognize what her parents did wrong so she'll improve, it's kinda the same with me (and is more or less why we have such a good friendship. We both fear for her sister tho, who my friend says is starting to remind her of their parents. We're both going to low key be observant if she gets children of her own, since neither of us are experts in psychology and don't know what else to do. Just don't want the cycle to repeat.
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Triborg501
I know that I'm not going to repeat the failures of my parents and I'm sure a lot of people watching will agree with this comment. Hell, mine raised me to feel like a soldier in a war zone. Whether they know it or not, they made my life a nightmare and I can't trust them at all. For a while I was oblivious until it was pointed out by my current girlfriend. Once I move out, I'm not letting them or any family for a while bear me for a while.
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I know that I'm not going to repeat the failures of my parents and I'm sure a lot of people watching will agree with this comment. Hell, mine raised me to feel like a soldier in a war zone. Whether they know it or not, they made my life a nightmare and I can't trust them at all. For a while I was oblivious until it was pointed out by my current girlfriend. Once I move out, I'm not letting them or any family for a while bear me for a while.
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education
My sister hides a lot (I guess) we both were abused mentally and physically, my sister was actually abused by my aunt and my dad, while me, I'm totally mentally unstable because of seeing all fight angry in front of my eyes since my childhood, I'm 13 now, I'm totally anti social and sick of my own mental health, I will never forgot what my dad did to me, and I request psych2go to upload a video to find whether my sister is depressed
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My sister hides a lot (I guess) we both were abused mentally and physically, my sister was actually abused by my aunt and my dad, while me, I'm totally mentally unstable because of seeing all fight angry in front of my eyes since my childhood, I'm 13 now, I'm totally anti social and sick of my own mental health, I will never forgot what my dad did to me, and I request psych2go to upload a video to find whether my sister is depressed
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Zip
Hm I cant really tell if my parents are really bad or Im bad and Im looks for a piece of advice they seem to act all loving on the outside they give me hugs and try to make up for past actions (Making fun of me while I was in a eating disorder phase) they seem to get mad when I dont accept there hugs and just turn away and then act like nothing happen the next day I dont know what I should do
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Hm I cant really tell if my parents are really bad or Im bad and Im looks for a piece of advice they seem to act all loving on the outside they give me hugs and try to make up for past actions (Making fun of me while I was in a eating disorder phase) they seem to get mad when I dont accept there hugs and just turn away and then act like nothing happen the next day I dont know what I should do
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ZER0
Well I am 14 so I can't say anything but I for a fact DON'T trust my parents and I do remember times I was so hurt by them emotionally or/and phisically that I refused to talk for weeks on end when I was little.
Now I trust people who know me less or trust people who proved they are trusty but if it comes to my parents I don't think they can regain my trust easily or maybe never.
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Well I am 14 so I can't say anything but I for a fact DON'T trust my parents and I do remember times I was so hurt by them emotionally or/and phisically that I refused to talk for weeks on end when I was little.
Now I trust people who know me less or trust people who proved they are trusty but if it comes to my parents I don't think they can regain my trust easily or maybe never.
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that
I was verbally, emotionally and physically abused when I was 1-11. I definitely obsess over my friends lives. I was also bullied because of my weight and habits.
I find it very easy to not be vulnerable around other people but I fall in love quickly.
I plan to have children but I'm a girl so I'm scared of the pain I will have to endure in order to have a child.
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I was verbally, emotionally and physically abused when I was 1-11. I definitely obsess over my friends lives. I was also bullied because of my weight and habits.
I find it very easy to not be vulnerable around other people but I fall in love quickly.
I plan to have children but I'm a girl so I'm scared of the pain I will have to endure in order to have a child.
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Melvin
This video is really insightful.
I was never bullied as a kid, but I do suffer from lack of self-esteem, having no friends and social ineptness. I really hope it won't affect my children and I really don't want to subconsciously raise my children to become loners like I am. But nor do I want to be aloof and not care enough, you know? Gosh, parenting is hard
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This video is really insightful.
I was never bullied as a kid, but I do suffer from lack of self-esteem, having no friends and social ineptness. I really hope it won't affect my children and I really don't want to subconsciously raise my children to become loners like I am. But nor do I want to be aloof and not care enough, you know? Gosh, parenting is hard
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VioletEmerald
This video perpetuates the stigma against homeschool and acts as if it's inherently not social when that's not true. Also you mentioned really important things in your how your attachment style affects your relationships when it came to parenting. I found that interesting and I wish kinda it was mentioned and explored more here.
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This video perpetuates the stigma against homeschool and acts as if it's inherently not social when that's not true. Also you mentioned really important things in your how your attachment style affects your relationships when it came to parenting. I found that interesting and I wish kinda it was mentioned and explored more here.
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Krystal
I hate it when people say that homeschooling makes children less social. I read a lot about homeschooling and unschooling, and I can say that institutionalization making children more social is a total and toxic myth. Its like saying that killer whales learn more social skills at Sea World rather than in nature.
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I hate it when people say that homeschooling makes children less social. I read a lot about homeschooling and unschooling, and I can say that institutionalization making children more social is a total and toxic myth. Its like saying that killer whales learn more social skills at Sea World rather than in nature.
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Delphantasist
Some people tell me I would make a great adoptive mother, because I know how awful my parents were. But then, I honestly fear of turning into them. Considering my mother brought me to life simply because she was bored of her first husband, I would hate to make any child of mine feel the same.
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Some people tell me I would make a great adoptive mother, because I know how awful my parents were. But then, I honestly fear of turning into them. Considering my mother brought me to life simply because she was bored of her first husband, I would hate to make any child of mine feel the same.
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tessa
I'm so happy that you spoke about this. I have one question about this Topic: Is there a way you can not raise your child, the way your parent did, because it could have might hurt them. If I ever will have kids when I grow up, I want to raise them the right way. Thanks in advance!
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I'm so happy that you spoke about this. I have one question about this Topic: Is there a way you can not raise your child, the way your parent did, because it could have might hurt them. If I ever will have kids when I grow up, I want to raise them the right way. Thanks in advance!
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Kyoko
It's funny when you learn about a 7 month old baby should spend less time with his/her mom so the baby doesn't grow speration anxiety (temporary not all the time. Like being with a family relative while visiting). yet how can we teach our babies this during a pandemic & quarantine
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It's funny when you learn about a 7 month old baby should spend less time with his/her mom so the baby doesn't grow speration anxiety (temporary not all the time. Like being with a family relative while visiting). yet how can we teach our babies this during a pandemic & quarantine
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Isabella
So if you had some bad parents.
Is it harder to be a good parent in the future?
My parents haven't been the best to me.
so i made myself a promise, that if i ever become a parent ill be the best for the little human, so they get the good childhood i never got.
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So if you had some bad parents.
Is it harder to be a good parent in the future?
My parents haven't been the best to me.
so i made myself a promise, that if i ever become a parent ill be the best for the little human, so they get the good childhood i never got.
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Nevaeh
Sometimes, it's not always the parents that are toxic but other family members that live with them. The parents are often mere bystanders, and that makes them just as worse as the real abusers. That's a horrible mistake that can never be rectified.
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Sometimes, it's not always the parents that are toxic but other family members that live with them. The parents are often mere bystanders, and that makes them just as worse as the real abusers. That's a horrible mistake that can never be rectified.
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Abundance26
I had a terrible childhood and though I didn't want to become like the person that gave birth to m, I realized that it was in me. I've had to work hard on myself and happy to say, thanks to awareness, I'm completely different and far calmer.
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I had a terrible childhood and though I didn't want to become like the person that gave birth to m, I realized that it was in me. I've had to work hard on myself and happy to say, thanks to awareness, I'm completely different and far calmer.
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fingerboard
The only thing i don't agree with is the lack of social skills from being homeschooled. I was homeschooled my whole life, and never had a lacking in my social skills since i would still go outside and interact with people
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The only thing i don't agree with is the lack of social skills from being homeschooled. I was homeschooled my whole life, and never had a lacking in my social skills since i would still go outside and interact with people
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Indrid
I trust no one. But it was adults that lead me to be this way. I am not selfish enough have kids. But I would teach them not to trust anybody as well. It would help them to avoid a lot of pain. Everyone should trust nobody.
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I trust no one. But it was adults that lead me to be this way. I am not selfish enough have kids. But I would teach them not to trust anybody as well. It would help them to avoid a lot of pain. Everyone should trust nobody.
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xcivia
No matter how many times I imagine myself as a good parent, reminding myself to raise my future children in a good way. But I, myself have gone through so much trauma and I don't think I'll be a good example to them.
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No matter how many times I imagine myself as a good parent, reminding myself to raise my future children in a good way. But I, myself have gone through so much trauma and I don't think I'll be a good example to them.
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