7 Signs Of Unhealed Relationship Trauma
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
Water
My relationship ended 3years ago now. And I felt like I failed ever since. She left me because I was unstable having lost 3 family members in a short period of time and almost losing my younger brother, I fell into depression and put all my saddness and fears on her. And for a while she held me together like glue, gave me all the support and love I needed to carry on. But she became my emotional crutch and the worst happened when she started going through her own trials in life. I was so checked out that I couldn't be there for her. Then she found a guy who was, a mentor or sorts that promised her a future, while I could barely believe in myself. Then one day she told me that I wasn't good enough, that her mentor believed I was dragging her down and she had been resenting me the entire time.
Long story short. I've over examined myself for these last 3 years, only focusing on becoming a better me. Mentally, emotionally, physically. Going as far as breaking into my dream job, moving across the US, just to become the man that she would've stayed with and believed in. The one that would have overcame the trauma. But It all feels like a mask. I still feel that I can't trust people, because if the woman that made me feel celebrated in my darkest days and held me as I cried would leave me, calling me everything but a son of god on the way out for being locked in my depression. Why the hell, would anyone else stay?
So here I sit, successful, on my own, enjoying everyday, but this lingering trauma still sits right in my chest. As a fire that helped me create art for 3 years now.
I know that if I could talk to her 1 time, and tell her I'm sorry for my shortcomings and that she deserved a better version of me, that I could finally let go. But I will never get that, and she doesn't owe me anything. So here I sit. Not really knowing what to do with this emotion 3 years later, tracking it into every relationship, romantic and platonic.
My love is conditional, and the only way to keep it is to never falter, not a tear, not a depressive episode, not for a second because you should be able to take the worlds pain and keep moving for the sake of your significant other.
So it's time to heal in other ways
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My relationship ended 3years ago now. And I felt like I failed ever since. She left me because I was unstable having lost 3 family members in a short period of time and almost losing my younger brother, I fell into depression and put all my saddness and fears on her. And for a while she held me together like glue, gave me all the support and love I needed to carry on. But she became my emotional crutch and the worst happened when she started going through her own trials in life. I was so checked out that I couldn't be there for her. Then she found a guy who was, a mentor or sorts that promised her a future, while I could barely believe in myself. Then one day she told me that I wasn't good enough, that her mentor believed I was dragging her down and she had been resenting me the entire time.
Long story short. I've over examined myself for these last 3 years, only focusing on becoming a better me. Mentally, emotionally, physically. Going as far as breaking into my dream job, moving across the US, just to become the man that she would've stayed with and believed in. The one that would have overcame the trauma. But It all feels like a mask. I still feel that I can't trust people, because if the woman that made me feel celebrated in my darkest days and held me as I cried would leave me, calling me everything but a son of god on the way out for being locked in my depression. Why the hell, would anyone else stay?
So here I sit, successful, on my own, enjoying everyday, but this lingering trauma still sits right in my chest. As a fire that helped me create art for 3 years now.
I know that if I could talk to her 1 time, and tell her I'm sorry for my shortcomings and that she deserved a better version of me, that I could finally let go. But I will never get that, and she doesn't owe me anything. So here I sit. Not really knowing what to do with this emotion 3 years later, tracking it into every relationship, romantic and platonic.
My love is conditional, and the only way to keep it is to never falter, not a tear, not a depressive episode, not for a second because you should be able to take the worlds pain and keep moving for the sake of your significant other.
So it's time to heal in other ways
reply
almira
Throughout my life, I never thought I would enter into a relationship that is very toxic despite there being no signs of abuse or toxicity until the end. I never thought after being with someone could cause so much damage to me especially the trauma they insert into me. It's been four months since I escaped from them however my mind keeps playing the events like a movie. A movie that I can't get out of my head especially when I sleep at night. Whenever I hear my friends talk about them I feel a sense of dread and anxiety that is building up. There are moments I still think about them and want to go back to them because I still have deep feelings about them but deep down if I go back I will be in a state of their control again. Watching this video helps me understand what I'm going through thank you, psych2go!
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Throughout my life, I never thought I would enter into a relationship that is very toxic despite there being no signs of abuse or toxicity until the end. I never thought after being with someone could cause so much damage to me especially the trauma they insert into me. It's been four months since I escaped from them however my mind keeps playing the events like a movie. A movie that I can't get out of my head especially when I sleep at night. Whenever I hear my friends talk about them I feel a sense of dread and anxiety that is building up. There are moments I still think about them and want to go back to them because I still have deep feelings about them but deep down if I go back I will be in a state of their control again. Watching this video helps me understand what I'm going through thank you, psych2go!
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Alison
He went 'no contact' on me, over 18 months ago, to be with a woman, who was way beneath me in everything. After he went 'no contact' on me, he decided to try & destroy me, then harass me. I won the battle. No-one took any notice of his lies, when he tried to destroy me. I ignored his harassment & I didn't react to any of it. Then he stopped this behaviour. He broke his 'no contact' rule, to me, a few times. I was civil to him. I'd never trust him again! She has him 'under-her-thumb', she rings him & keeps tabs on him, when he's away from her. When I did that, he'd get angry with me. He lets her do that! Misery loves company. They deserve each other. I find it hard to trust anyone, now. I have a few friends, they're good people. But I'm wary of other people I meet now.
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He went 'no contact' on me, over 18 months ago, to be with a woman, who was way beneath me in everything. After he went 'no contact' on me, he decided to try & destroy me, then harass me. I won the battle. No-one took any notice of his lies, when he tried to destroy me. I ignored his harassment & I didn't react to any of it. Then he stopped this behaviour. He broke his 'no contact' rule, to me, a few times. I was civil to him. I'd never trust him again! She has him 'under-her-thumb', she rings him & keeps tabs on him, when he's away from her. When I did that, he'd get angry with me. He lets her do that! Misery loves company. They deserve each other. I find it hard to trust anyone, now. I have a few friends, they're good people. But I'm wary of other people I meet now.
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zayyan
I can even relate to this animation the way the character is kinda shaking. I used to have panick attacks. I had started having sleep paralysis. I had lost my self esteem. My confidence. I became a zombie. Always questioning myself. Always feeling ashamed. I pushed my friends away. I stopped trusting people. I built the walls so high that I even blocked any light to enter. I had the worse days of my life. It's so strange that the ones who you once loved so much and couldnt think abt spending a day without them can make your life an absolute hell. Can cause you so much damage. It's brutal. I am still scared of the idea of love.
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I can even relate to this animation the way the character is kinda shaking. I used to have panick attacks. I had started having sleep paralysis. I had lost my self esteem. My confidence. I became a zombie. Always questioning myself. Always feeling ashamed. I pushed my friends away. I stopped trusting people. I built the walls so high that I even blocked any light to enter. I had the worse days of my life. It's so strange that the ones who you once loved so much and couldnt think abt spending a day without them can make your life an absolute hell. Can cause you so much damage. It's brutal. I am still scared of the idea of love.
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sinizka
Huh, this describes almost everything I've been going through. I've had lately memory issues, brain fog, anxiety, stress, it's been harder to concentrain, and I'm constantly waiting for the next bad thing to happen. Every received phone call, message or e mail I'm almost terrified of, fearing there's more bad news coming. These few songs got me crying cause of the memories attached to them. It's always been hard for me to trust others due to traumas I've experiensed in my past, but in this case I did trust him anyway and got lied to and hurt, which makes it even worse.
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Huh, this describes almost everything I've been going through. I've had lately memory issues, brain fog, anxiety, stress, it's been harder to concentrain, and I'm constantly waiting for the next bad thing to happen. Every received phone call, message or e mail I'm almost terrified of, fearing there's more bad news coming. These few songs got me crying cause of the memories attached to them. It's always been hard for me to trust others due to traumas I've experiensed in my past, but in this case I did trust him anyway and got lied to and hurt, which makes it even worse.
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zirilli3
There's another person on here who was with their partner 19+ years, like me. I've never trusted people in my life (just how I was raised) except I gave that trust to my wife. She lied and cheated, and I managed things so horribly. I messed up things with my daughters who have always been the most important people in my life. Things are better and the thing that helped the most is the realization that we all mess up, we all have ups and downs, we're all living through things that hurt. there's no perfect, we're just doing our best.
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There's another person on here who was with their partner 19+ years, like me. I've never trusted people in my life (just how I was raised) except I gave that trust to my wife. She lied and cheated, and I managed things so horribly. I messed up things with my daughters who have always been the most important people in my life. Things are better and the thing that helped the most is the realization that we all mess up, we all have ups and downs, we're all living through things that hurt. there's no perfect, we're just doing our best.
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Exoticduck
I had a lot of bad friendships in the past and often have physical reactions to triggers as I have many, it causes me to feel anxiety and feel extremely sick and shaky and it happens almost everyday. It often is caused by mentions of suicidal thoughts from friends since I have lost a toxic friend due to suicide. They are getting therapy but I always feel like Im not helping enough and it makes me feel a lot of shame. I have all those signs but the physical response is the one I have the most.
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I had a lot of bad friendships in the past and often have physical reactions to triggers as I have many, it causes me to feel anxiety and feel extremely sick and shaky and it happens almost everyday. It often is caused by mentions of suicidal thoughts from friends since I have lost a toxic friend due to suicide. They are getting therapy but I always feel like Im not helping enough and it makes me feel a lot of shame. I have all those signs but the physical response is the one I have the most.
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dwolfel19
I get the I'm a horrible person feeling alot. I've even started questioning if I'm actually an abusive person. I'm no longer sure if the breakdown I had was a legitimate breakdown, or if it was me somehow trying to manipulate my ex into staying, even though I know I had alot of stress in my life at the time, most of which I didn't know how to deal with. Not really sure how to get answers to those questions, and I doubt anyone will respond to this comment, but oh well. I've shared my bit
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I get the I'm a horrible person feeling alot. I've even started questioning if I'm actually an abusive person. I'm no longer sure if the breakdown I had was a legitimate breakdown, or if it was me somehow trying to manipulate my ex into staying, even though I know I had alot of stress in my life at the time, most of which I didn't know how to deal with. Not really sure how to get answers to those questions, and I doubt anyone will respond to this comment, but oh well. I've shared my bit
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john
This is so accurate, I broke up with my verbally abusive/manipulative ex almost 1. 5 years ago but the pain still lingers. I think shes a terrible person but still miss her. I find it impossible to trust since she lied non stop. I used to be very gregarious, now I like to be alone 90% of the time. I have done a lot of work to try and get over her, and there Is progress but its painfully slow. If anyone else is in this same predicament good luck to you and stay strong, keep trying
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This is so accurate, I broke up with my verbally abusive/manipulative ex almost 1. 5 years ago but the pain still lingers. I think shes a terrible person but still miss her. I find it impossible to trust since she lied non stop. I used to be very gregarious, now I like to be alone 90% of the time. I have done a lot of work to try and get over her, and there Is progress but its painfully slow. If anyone else is in this same predicament good luck to you and stay strong, keep trying
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Bryan
I have always believe myself as one of the most unattractive men I have ever known (due to failed past relationships and feel guilty about it many times. But I have accepted it even though most of my female friends disagree with me feeling so ugly etcs, I just couldn't help myself to look the other way or to agree with them. That does not mean I'm constantly crying though, it's more like oh well I'm ugly and unattractive anyway, it's okay. Does that still count as trauma? ._.
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I have always believe myself as one of the most unattractive men I have ever known (due to failed past relationships and feel guilty about it many times. But I have accepted it even though most of my female friends disagree with me feeling so ugly etcs, I just couldn't help myself to look the other way or to agree with them. That does not mean I'm constantly crying though, it's more like oh well I'm ugly and unattractive anyway, it's okay. Does that still count as trauma? ._.
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ScorpionMaiden
I was in an abusive marriage of 23 plus years. I have a hard time not feeling like I'm in high alert at all times. Now I'm in a new relationship and honestly I feel it's too soon to be in another relationship. I've had emdr, therapy, and medication management for years. My ex is still trying to either get me back or pulling shady behavior. I don't know what to do. I want my new partner but now my ex is making it impossible.
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I was in an abusive marriage of 23 plus years. I have a hard time not feeling like I'm in high alert at all times. Now I'm in a new relationship and honestly I feel it's too soon to be in another relationship. I've had emdr, therapy, and medication management for years. My ex is still trying to either get me back or pulling shady behavior. I don't know what to do. I want my new partner but now my ex is making it impossible.
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Ava
I feel like the relationship im in currently isnt toxic but i dont know how to be in a healthy relationship. I take everything harder than it should be and certain talks are a negative to me and deeply scare me. Im doing my best to get out of this stage of my life where i can be in peace but also learn to take the good out of things without dismissing the bad completely, but yet acknowledge and fix it
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I feel like the relationship im in currently isnt toxic but i dont know how to be in a healthy relationship. I take everything harder than it should be and certain talks are a negative to me and deeply scare me. Im doing my best to get out of this stage of my life where i can be in peace but also learn to take the good out of things without dismissing the bad completely, but yet acknowledge and fix it
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Buddys
I think I have this. Most of the guys I've been with, were just using me. I convinced myself they loved me, was in denial for a long time. One day I saw everything for what it was, and can't unsee it. Well no one can use me now, but I feel bad about myself, even tho I tell myself I shouldn't. I can't see myself meeting anyone, because I have trust issues now.
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I think I have this. Most of the guys I've been with, were just using me. I convinced myself they loved me, was in denial for a long time. One day I saw everything for what it was, and can't unsee it. Well no one can use me now, but I feel bad about myself, even tho I tell myself I shouldn't. I can't see myself meeting anyone, because I have trust issues now.
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kudwafterchan
My boyfriend made me feel like this for 3 years. It just sucks. I was cheated on many times I just hated how he said things like I'll never cheat on you or I love you more than anyone but he still cheated on me behind my back. I've been giving him 3 years to change but just recently I found out he's cheating again and he's always trying to get me back.
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My boyfriend made me feel like this for 3 years. It just sucks. I was cheated on many times I just hated how he said things like I'll never cheat on you or I love you more than anyone but he still cheated on me behind my back. I've been giving him 3 years to change but just recently I found out he's cheating again and he's always trying to get me back.
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Novies
I need advice!
My girlfriend been feeling like this ever since we started talking she stated that she feel like she is seeing her self like Im a movie and doesnt feel like this is real.
I truly love this girl and she does too but shes been feeling like that and sometimes her emotions go in and out. Does anyone know how to help calm and reassure them?
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I need advice!
My girlfriend been feeling like this ever since we started talking she stated that she feel like she is seeing her self like Im a movie and doesnt feel like this is real.
I truly love this girl and she does too but shes been feeling like that and sometimes her emotions go in and out. Does anyone know how to help calm and reassure them?
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The
I think i developed some kind of PTSD. I have some triggers that put me in streslike state, everything slows down or speeds up, can hear my heartbeat, start shaking and get overwhelmed by thoughts.
Happened when i saw girl looking somwhat simmular, happened when i met her by accident or when i heard about her. I cant let go, sometimes i trigger my self.
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I think i developed some kind of PTSD. I have some triggers that put me in streslike state, everything slows down or speeds up, can hear my heartbeat, start shaking and get overwhelmed by thoughts.
Happened when i saw girl looking somwhat simmular, happened when i met her by accident or when i heard about her. I cant let go, sometimes i trigger my self.
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Elise
Is it normal toeven years after the factwhen you hear/read the name of your toxic ex feel uncomfortable and like a pit in your stomach? Likeyou cant feel comfortable around that name in like any context even if the people with it are totally different than the one who hurt you? Hopefully this makes sense smh
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Is it normal toeven years after the factwhen you hear/read the name of your toxic ex feel uncomfortable and like a pit in your stomach? Likeyou cant feel comfortable around that name in like any context even if the people with it are totally different than the one who hurt you? Hopefully this makes sense smh
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Nurul
How many time i need to heal from this f trauma? Its been more than 2 years and im still sucks. Even now i lost someone who loves me but i dont know how to love again, idk how to show it, but im sure i do love him. And then he chose to left me
They said heal urself first, bro im still struggling here
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How many time i need to heal from this f trauma? Its been more than 2 years and im still sucks. Even now i lost someone who loves me but i dont know how to love again, idk how to show it, but im sure i do love him. And then he chose to left me
They said heal urself first, bro im still struggling here
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Silver
It ended with him giving lists of everything wrong with me. Twice. I cant visit my family in fear of being in that town again. The physical abuse is nothing compared to what he said. He was the most important person for 11 years.
He was a cheater I found out after.
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It ended with him giving lists of everything wrong with me. Twice. I cant visit my family in fear of being in that town again. The physical abuse is nothing compared to what he said. He was the most important person for 11 years.
He was a cheater I found out after.
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Wilkins
Sadly women 99% nowadays mostly don't know how to deal with emotional trauma in love when they fell for assholes after getting hurt the good guys get pushed away they surely felt this coz due to lack of self respect self love and self esteem girls wake up!
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Sadly women 99% nowadays mostly don't know how to deal with emotional trauma in love when they fell for assholes after getting hurt the good guys get pushed away they surely felt this coz due to lack of self respect self love and self esteem girls wake up!
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Mina
You just described me to a tee. I met my now fiance a year after a 3 year relationship and i though i was fully healed until he said i take my frustration on him and other things i was too blind to see. I heard pain and anger in his voice. Was an eye opener
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You just described me to a tee. I met my now fiance a year after a 3 year relationship and i though i was fully healed until he said i take my frustration on him and other things i was too blind to see. I heard pain and anger in his voice. Was an eye opener
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Psych2Go
This is another really important topic that we want to raise awareness for the upcoming weeks. For those who support what psych2go do, could you share this video with someone who may benefit from this? If you did, let us know so we can thank you!
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This is another really important topic that we want to raise awareness for the upcoming weeks. For those who support what psych2go do, could you share this video with someone who may benefit from this? If you did, let us know so we can thank you!
reply
dookie
this girl that claimed that ''she really liked me and knew i liked her back decided to lead me on for months, why are people so mean even when they know how someone feels about it, no closure, she'll probably play victim. hopefully i'll get over her
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this girl that claimed that ''she really liked me and knew i liked her back decided to lead me on for months, why are people so mean even when they know how someone feels about it, no closure, she'll probably play victim. hopefully i'll get over her
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Adam
My ex just dumped me a month ago because of the trauma from her 4. 5 past relationship. She said everything I did angered her and she said the anger stemmed from him. I never really understood what she was going through but this video informed me.
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My ex just dumped me a month ago because of the trauma from her 4. 5 past relationship. She said everything I did angered her and she said the anger stemmed from him. I never really understood what she was going through but this video informed me.
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Leslie
I have almost all of these symptoms after having endured emotional abuse and infidelity for far too long. My spouse did not understand I needed him to work with me so I could heal. He wouldnt. Ive since separated. Hard, but its what I had to do.
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I have almost all of these symptoms after having endured emotional abuse and infidelity for far too long. My spouse did not understand I needed him to work with me so I could heal. He wouldnt. Ive since separated. Hard, but its what I had to do.
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