6 Harmless Phrase You Say That May Actually Be Toxic
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
FrostLightningX
Things like ''it's not the worst thing that can happen to you'' and ''it's not as bad as you make it out to be'' are definitely what I got and I just. Don't even know what I want to do anymore.
But there's also another one that sounds harmless and helpful but I just find so toxic, and most of you wouldn't agree because that one is ''go seek professional help/therapy''. Because there are people who just can't get help, ACTUAL HELP from that, and I'm one of them and I'm just really sick and tired of people trying to convince me how that is exactly what I need and exactly what can fix my problems when I just know it's not (because I know exactly what drives me. I mean, these days I just can't help but see the message that says ''your feelings don't matter. If you want to survive in this world, you need to sacrifice your individuality and get over everything you love to fit the standards of reality. Obey or suffer, your choice''. I mean, it just reinforces how much not only my feelings don't matter, but especially like something tries to convince me how I'm such a fool. And it doesn't help how I have to be a mental patient just because people who hurt me aren't obligated to care acting like they had no cause when they so did (and force-fed me with their reasons while completely invalidating mine. I mean, having to force myself to act like I'm fine when I'm not just to ''avoid trouble'' just is not help anymore, it's brainwash. It just can't trick me anymore no matter how subtle the situation is (especially if there's a threat that someone will get very mad at me and how I'm in big trouble if I don't back down)
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Things like ''it's not the worst thing that can happen to you'' and ''it's not as bad as you make it out to be'' are definitely what I got and I just. Don't even know what I want to do anymore.
But there's also another one that sounds harmless and helpful but I just find so toxic, and most of you wouldn't agree because that one is ''go seek professional help/therapy''. Because there are people who just can't get help, ACTUAL HELP from that, and I'm one of them and I'm just really sick and tired of people trying to convince me how that is exactly what I need and exactly what can fix my problems when I just know it's not (because I know exactly what drives me. I mean, these days I just can't help but see the message that says ''your feelings don't matter. If you want to survive in this world, you need to sacrifice your individuality and get over everything you love to fit the standards of reality. Obey or suffer, your choice''. I mean, it just reinforces how much not only my feelings don't matter, but especially like something tries to convince me how I'm such a fool. And it doesn't help how I have to be a mental patient just because people who hurt me aren't obligated to care acting like they had no cause when they so did (and force-fed me with their reasons while completely invalidating mine. I mean, having to force myself to act like I'm fine when I'm not just to ''avoid trouble'' just is not help anymore, it's brainwash. It just can't trick me anymore no matter how subtle the situation is (especially if there's a threat that someone will get very mad at me and how I'm in big trouble if I don't back down)
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Chaos'
How do we emotionally recuse ourselves from getting involved without upsetting the balance within an institutional dynamic such as work or school?
I dont want to hurt anyones feelings but I also dont want to feel emotionally cornered to the point of self-abandonment. For those of us who are working through an avoidant attachment style, and have less fluid boundaries in regards to emotional vulnerability, or are uncomfortable with such displays of heightened emotion, what can be said instead? Moreover, lets say its at work and it involves a co-worker whos casually got new drama to emotionally dump every month, so theres no way to avoid them or the risk that they may in turn express to other co-workers our natural disdain to emotionally engage as the mark of someone both cold and cruel. Additionally, if we ourselves dont want to be vulnerable in offering that private information regarding our inability to be emotionally available enough to meaningfully hold space or show authentic interest in someone elses deteriorating mental state, what socially acceptable statement can we offer that communicates stop without making the other person feel worse or become even more emotionally chaotic than they already are?
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How do we emotionally recuse ourselves from getting involved without upsetting the balance within an institutional dynamic such as work or school?
I dont want to hurt anyones feelings but I also dont want to feel emotionally cornered to the point of self-abandonment. For those of us who are working through an avoidant attachment style, and have less fluid boundaries in regards to emotional vulnerability, or are uncomfortable with such displays of heightened emotion, what can be said instead? Moreover, lets say its at work and it involves a co-worker whos casually got new drama to emotionally dump every month, so theres no way to avoid them or the risk that they may in turn express to other co-workers our natural disdain to emotionally engage as the mark of someone both cold and cruel. Additionally, if we ourselves dont want to be vulnerable in offering that private information regarding our inability to be emotionally available enough to meaningfully hold space or show authentic interest in someone elses deteriorating mental state, what socially acceptable statement can we offer that communicates stop without making the other person feel worse or become even more emotionally chaotic than they already are?
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Unicorn
I have something to say about the 4th one: You are strong, you can handle it. Although I do think its not the best thing to say to someone whos grieving, I have been told this phrase before when I was going through a stressful time, and it actually encouraged me. What Im saying is, using this phrase after carefully recognising the context of the situation is pretty important. In the video, it was shown that saying this means that youre basically saying I reject this weakness youre showing. but isnt there strength in finally opening up and expressing our burdens to loved ones? I believe there is strength in all those who express vulnerability. It shows that despite all the hardships, pain and suffering youre going through, you chose to be honest with yourself and others, and opened up to them. I think that is incredibly strong, and that requires courage. Still, I find myself not exactly using the word strong while comforting people, just in case it might make them feel uncomfortable. What do you guys think?
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I have something to say about the 4th one: You are strong, you can handle it. Although I do think its not the best thing to say to someone whos grieving, I have been told this phrase before when I was going through a stressful time, and it actually encouraged me. What Im saying is, using this phrase after carefully recognising the context of the situation is pretty important. In the video, it was shown that saying this means that youre basically saying I reject this weakness youre showing. but isnt there strength in finally opening up and expressing our burdens to loved ones? I believe there is strength in all those who express vulnerability. It shows that despite all the hardships, pain and suffering youre going through, you chose to be honest with yourself and others, and opened up to them. I think that is incredibly strong, and that requires courage. Still, I find myself not exactly using the word strong while comforting people, just in case it might make them feel uncomfortable. What do you guys think?
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diya!
idk if my friend is toxic, advice would be appreciated!
one of my friends is being kinda rude. today she invited me to her house (like she legitimately asked me hey u wanna come over) and then she just started texting other people and didnt even speak to me. I made an effort to speak and I kept saying what do u want to do and pls speak and she just said hello. And later she broke one of her glasses lens and I said hey dont u wanna tell ur mom and she got weirdly mad and said shut up I literally didnt ask for ur opinion Ill tell her later and then she threatened to tell my mom about a secret I trusted her with.
and I swear if she sees this Im gonna cry cuz she also watches pysch2go (even though shes the one being toxic)
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idk if my friend is toxic, advice would be appreciated!
one of my friends is being kinda rude. today she invited me to her house (like she legitimately asked me hey u wanna come over) and then she just started texting other people and didnt even speak to me. I made an effort to speak and I kept saying what do u want to do and pls speak and she just said hello. And later she broke one of her glasses lens and I said hey dont u wanna tell ur mom and she got weirdly mad and said shut up I literally didnt ask for ur opinion Ill tell her later and then she threatened to tell my mom about a secret I trusted her with.
and I swear if she sees this Im gonna cry cuz she also watches pysch2go (even though shes the one being toxic)
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AJ
You're strong you can handle it. This phrase did motivated me but always questioned the person who said it that what exactly he did. He never offered his hand for help. It's like saying don't be sad to sad person.
Edit: After reflecting for a minute i realised that every point in this video is true. These are really toxic. Not helping but making the other person more miserable and letting him question his intellect to a level when he despises himself. You see that's how things get cascaded. And time heals everything. Oh my gosh i used this and didn't realised it's toxic. People take months to heal and those months are crucial. They need support in healing process.
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You're strong you can handle it. This phrase did motivated me but always questioned the person who said it that what exactly he did. He never offered his hand for help. It's like saying don't be sad to sad person.
Edit: After reflecting for a minute i realised that every point in this video is true. These are really toxic. Not helping but making the other person more miserable and letting him question his intellect to a level when he despises himself. You see that's how things get cascaded. And time heals everything. Oh my gosh i used this and didn't realised it's toxic. People take months to heal and those months are crucial. They need support in healing process.
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Perry
Your video is worse than the phrases, You took well meaning phrases gat friends and family use in good faith, which when taken in good faith are very helpful, and belittled them while offering no substantive alternative, your video comes across as uncaring, uncompassionate, demeaning, and uncaring. You simply put down the efforts of many caring people, while offering nothing. You fail to realize that sometimes, the only real solution to a problem is to step up and deal with it, life isn't all joy, it can be difficult, you can't always be coddled, sometimes, you must be strong to survive, Now deal with it!
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Your video is worse than the phrases, You took well meaning phrases gat friends and family use in good faith, which when taken in good faith are very helpful, and belittled them while offering no substantive alternative, your video comes across as uncaring, uncompassionate, demeaning, and uncaring. You simply put down the efforts of many caring people, while offering nothing. You fail to realize that sometimes, the only real solution to a problem is to step up and deal with it, life isn't all joy, it can be difficult, you can't always be coddled, sometimes, you must be strong to survive, Now deal with it!
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FizzyFizz
I have another one, Im a young girl who is often depressed and I remember one particular time when I was in my room crying and my mother came in and asked me if I was still crying because I was actually still feeling sad or because it felt good to cry, but this wasnt the bad part, after that she said to me your feelings need to make sense I dont know if this could be considered toxic, or even negative at all but it made me really angry, because shes always been a very mental health centred mum and it seemed this was contradicting everything she had always said. But what do you think?
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I have another one, Im a young girl who is often depressed and I remember one particular time when I was in my room crying and my mother came in and asked me if I was still crying because I was actually still feeling sad or because it felt good to cry, but this wasnt the bad part, after that she said to me your feelings need to make sense I dont know if this could be considered toxic, or even negative at all but it made me really angry, because shes always been a very mental health centred mum and it seemed this was contradicting everything she had always said. But what do you think?
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Aii
Out of these, to be honest I've used the you're in trouble one maybe a few times
Not because it isn't obvious, but because I don't have a solution but I still want to validate to them that I understand the problem is big and important.
But I'll usually phrase it more casual like Wow that sucks a lot
Or Looks like you're in deep huh and just let them do the talking
If they initiated the discussion I find they ususally continue anyways
But is there something better I could say in that circumstance?
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Out of these, to be honest I've used the you're in trouble one maybe a few times
Not because it isn't obvious, but because I don't have a solution but I still want to validate to them that I understand the problem is big and important.
But I'll usually phrase it more casual like Wow that sucks a lot
Or Looks like you're in deep huh and just let them do the talking
If they initiated the discussion I find they ususally continue anyways
But is there something better I could say in that circumstance?
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Elisa
I think it's better not to seek help from me. I'm exactly that kinda person to go to a funeral and say this is all so useless. Not the one to go to when you feel bad, really. I can't even understand grieving in the first place if it's not happening to me. I would just say get a grip on yourself, you must be strong and leave it at that. Kinda unhelpful. I think I miss basic empathy and tact when it comes to these matters.
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I think it's better not to seek help from me. I'm exactly that kinda person to go to a funeral and say this is all so useless. Not the one to go to when you feel bad, really. I can't even understand grieving in the first place if it's not happening to me. I would just say get a grip on yourself, you must be strong and leave it at that. Kinda unhelpful. I think I miss basic empathy and tact when it comes to these matters.
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ImprovementSpace
When someone is grieving, others may think they know how this person feels, but they dont. Each person's story is unique. Learning from someone else's experience doesn't help you. As an alternative, you could say, I was in a similar situation not too long ago, however, I was able to maintain my normal life. Although your case is unique, I would be happy to share my experience if it will help your situation
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When someone is grieving, others may think they know how this person feels, but they dont. Each person's story is unique. Learning from someone else's experience doesn't help you. As an alternative, you could say, I was in a similar situation not too long ago, however, I was able to maintain my normal life. Although your case is unique, I would be happy to share my experience if it will help your situation
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soslothful
The most risible toxic positivity I ever encountered was working at the pool of fetid excrement, Subway. Our employee manual reminded us that, quote, Remember, a smile is part of your uniform! and if one came to work in a bad mood, you should, quote again, Go outside, find a crack in the sidewalk, and remember to crack a smile! Viewers outside the US, is your culture smile obsessed in fatuous ways like this?
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The most risible toxic positivity I ever encountered was working at the pool of fetid excrement, Subway. Our employee manual reminded us that, quote, Remember, a smile is part of your uniform! and if one came to work in a bad mood, you should, quote again, Go outside, find a crack in the sidewalk, and remember to crack a smile! Viewers outside the US, is your culture smile obsessed in fatuous ways like this?
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Craig
I remember looking to my parents for comfort to feel attempts at relationships and being kind of it was some of these statements I always felt even though I can magically Fix the relationship I wanted that never was I still think I should have somehow received more emotional support instead of having to become a Perseverance-Pornstar enduring more and more emotional marginalization.
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I remember looking to my parents for comfort to feel attempts at relationships and being kind of it was some of these statements I always felt even though I can magically Fix the relationship I wanted that never was I still think I should have somehow received more emotional support instead of having to become a Perseverance-Pornstar enduring more and more emotional marginalization.
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Lt
Oh, My God, the phrase time heals everything is the biggest bunch of crap I have ever heard! Time heals NOTHING. Time just helps you learn how to carry the pain. I heard that phrase when my Dad died and I was 6 years-old. Let me tell you, 54 years later, it still hurts. I am not over it. I never will be over it. That phrase more than any other one makes my blood boil with anger.
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Oh, My God, the phrase time heals everything is the biggest bunch of crap I have ever heard! Time heals NOTHING. Time just helps you learn how to carry the pain. I heard that phrase when my Dad died and I was 6 years-old. Let me tell you, 54 years later, it still hurts. I am not over it. I never will be over it. That phrase more than any other one makes my blood boil with anger.
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David
I don't fully agree with the points being made in the video, it also depends on how you use some of these phrases. For example with the time heals, if you're not dismissive and someone has trouble seeing light at the and of the tunnel it can be a good phrase to say. This video could be clearer, I feel like there is a good chance people will misinterpet.
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I don't fully agree with the points being made in the video, it also depends on how you use some of these phrases. For example with the time heals, if you're not dismissive and someone has trouble seeing light at the and of the tunnel it can be a good phrase to say. This video could be clearer, I feel like there is a good chance people will misinterpet.
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Azman
I agree that most of the phrases are not suitable to be said to help others. But context is important.
For example, I do not believe that saying time heals all wounds to another is bad as long as you were genuine and showed that you care about him/her. With proper perspective and help, time does heal all wounds. This is however my personal opinion.
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I agree that most of the phrases are not suitable to be said to help others. But context is important.
For example, I do not believe that saying time heals all wounds to another is bad as long as you were genuine and showed that you care about him/her. With proper perspective and help, time does heal all wounds. This is however my personal opinion.
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Jay
WOW. This video just takes all this made-up jargon and tries to reinvent itself. Ever heard of the word insufferable? Because that's what the person is who walks around using toxic anything. Grow up, people. Wha, wha, wha. It also doesn't help that this crap in the video is being explained in a whiny voice. Lighten up on the soy, snowflakes.
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WOW. This video just takes all this made-up jargon and tries to reinvent itself. Ever heard of the word insufferable? Because that's what the person is who walks around using toxic anything. Grow up, people. Wha, wha, wha. It also doesn't help that this crap in the video is being explained in a whiny voice. Lighten up on the soy, snowflakes.
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cup
I feel different about the You're strong thing. It can also give you a great ton of energy to know someone believes in you. I think the interpretation here really takes the worst out of humans. I received this phrase a lot of times but never in a connotation where no help was offered to me, quite the opposite actually.
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I feel different about the You're strong thing. It can also give you a great ton of energy to know someone believes in you. I think the interpretation here really takes the worst out of humans. I received this phrase a lot of times but never in a connotation where no help was offered to me, quite the opposite actually.
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zakosist
1: 49 that is the phrase I think is sometimes just the right thing to say depending on context, and doesn't really have a better replacement. But its when you're talking for yourself mainly, not if you use it to downplay someone else's problem, like most phrases in this video does.
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1: 49 that is the phrase I think is sometimes just the right thing to say depending on context, and doesn't really have a better replacement. But its when you're talking for yourself mainly, not if you use it to downplay someone else's problem, like most phrases in this video does.
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Snowy
Its okay, I think imma just go antisocial now, then people don't have to deal with my ass anymore. Thanks for the advice Psych2go. Only time can tell if it helps me Psych2go. I'm a complete NPD imma killmyselfsoon for you guys so you don't have to deal with my troubles in the future.
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Its okay, I think imma just go antisocial now, then people don't have to deal with my ass anymore. Thanks for the advice Psych2go. Only time can tell if it helps me Psych2go. I'm a complete NPD imma killmyselfsoon for you guys so you don't have to deal with my troubles in the future.
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McKenzie
I actually started feeling second hand stress when the phrase you're in trouble came up, because it made me think about all the times I've accidentally screwed up and my siblings said something like that to me.
Dang, I guess it was a bit of a bigger deal than I thought.
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I actually started feeling second hand stress when the phrase you're in trouble came up, because it made me think about all the times I've accidentally screwed up and my siblings said something like that to me.
Dang, I guess it was a bit of a bigger deal than I thought.
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sk0men
Not 100% statement one, but my former best friend told me (more than once) that I was better off having lost my father to cancer than him losing his father because he left his mother/family for another woman. That was incredibly hurtful.
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Not 100% statement one, but my former best friend told me (more than once) that I was better off having lost my father to cancer than him losing his father because he left his mother/family for another woman. That was incredibly hurtful.
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3D
How to actually help a troubled friend thats a good video topic! I was/is a troubled person. Its strange because I know what feels right to me and what feels dismissive and wrong. Yet at the same time, I have NO clue how to help a friend!
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How to actually help a troubled friend thats a good video topic! I was/is a troubled person. Its strange because I know what feels right to me and what feels dismissive and wrong. Yet at the same time, I have NO clue how to help a friend!
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Kurisuchiinu
I've received something like this when I made a small mistake. you know what's funny? It came from a family member. I was waiting that they said something like, no, it isn't your fault. But instead, yes, it's your fault LOL.
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I've received something like this when I made a small mistake. you know what's funny? It came from a family member. I was waiting that they said something like, no, it isn't your fault. But instead, yes, it's your fault LOL.
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Cyberboy
Genuine question here! If someone were to ask you Are you ok? would it be toxic to say Its nothing, dont worry about it? Im very confused on how this is a toxic phrase, could someone please go a little more in depth about it?
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Genuine question here! If someone were to ask you Are you ok? would it be toxic to say Its nothing, dont worry about it? Im very confused on how this is a toxic phrase, could someone please go a little more in depth about it?
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shachi
Can you also make a video on what to say instead of these things? Because comforting people is hard, even when you truly love them and want to help them, knowing the right things to say and do is quite difficult but necessary.
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Can you also make a video on what to say instead of these things? Because comforting people is hard, even when you truly love them and want to help them, knowing the right things to say and do is quite difficult but necessary.
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